What would you do if

your significant other not only kept you from getting your first raise at a new job, but also got you kicked out of the place you are renting?

kick 'em in th balls.

Posted by AbbyNormal

your significant other not only kept you from getting your first raise at a new job, but also got you kicked out of the place you are renting?

Why do you consider a person who does this as being significant to you?

Sounds like you have some explaining to do to yourself .. not sure why you came here to ask about it, as if there are options to be heard.

Bake them a cake. Ask them to marry me. Give them all of my money!

No really what is this question? Can we start a door mat forum?

Cancel that bitch like Nino Brown n buy a new one. Men are like buses. Miss one and another is already coming.

I would kill him, of course. 😛

Posted by AbbyNormal
your significant other not only kept you from getting your first raise at a new job, but also got you kicked out of the place you are renting?

Dump him. No questions, no ifs, ands or buts.

There are two things you don't mess with is my job. The other is my kids.

Is he a control freak who wants a housewife 😄?

and if they have nowhere else to go?

this is causing me a lot of pain but i cant seem to kick someone out on the street that ive been friends with 4 years and dating for almost a year.... idk what im trying to accomplish posting about it but im very overwhelmed...

Posted by dontgetmewrong
Wth kind of guy is that?..he has way too much time on his hands to be causing that much destruction. He would definitely be out of my life. PRONTO!!

yes he does. he hasnt had a job for a while now which adds to the stress of it all...

and please be gentle yall... im incredibly uncomfortable discussing this like shaking...

Posted by dontgetmewrong
Maybe you should ask him what he can possibly offer you in life?

He can't even act right, and now he put you in this stressful position, on top of taking care of him while hes jobless...Wtf?!

This guy seems weak to me on so many levels.

he has some personal issues i have tried to be sensitive to but where is the line of understanding and making excuses for someone?

he suffers from anxiety issues dealing with grief which i can totally relate to, and has crohns. i have been trying to support him while he struggles...

i have to take a break from this... kinda wish i hadnt opened my mouth about it... but it's always on my mind. im working right now tho and need to get back to it. not just bc it's the right thing to do but for my own sanity....

thanks for the input all

sincerely,
heather

Posted by 4ND5

Posted by AbbyNormal
and if they have nowhere else to go?

this is causing me a lot of pain but i cant seem to kick someone out on the street that ive been friends with 4 years and dating for almost a year.... idk what im trying to accomplish posting about it but im very overwhelmed...

i remember he has family around right?

click to expand

mom won't let him move back in. but she also has moved her leo husband back in that tried to blow up the house and both of them so....

i think you already know the answer to your original question.

He's a dead weight regardless my lovely girl...
If you drown, he drowns with you- his behavior is not only destroying you, it is self-destructive in Nature. He is tearing down the one person who is supporting the framework of his worthless life.

(I hate to sound so harsh),
but a grown man is perfectly capable of getting his shiz together and reaching out for other means of support, there are men's groups for grief counselling, programmes and church community clubs that will offer a hand to him, without investing so much emotional energy into a relationship with someone so selfish.
Which is what you are doing... and it needs to stop. The buck stops with you!

You deserve better and I know for a fact if someone came to you with the exact same situation in reverse you would not hesitate to get them out of it xo

Posted by AbbyNormal
and if they have nowhere else to go?

this is causing me a lot of pain but i cant seem to kick someone out on the street that ive been friends with 4 years and dating for almost a year.... idk what im trying to accomplish posting about it but im very overwhelmed...

The alternative is that you go down with him, Abby.

There's a reason he has nowhere to go... but enabling him won't help him.

Does he have mental/emotional problems, or substance abuse problems?

i'm going to jail because the 's/o' would be on my hit list. literally. that's not a s/o. that's a worthless POS. s/o cares for you and wont jeopardize what you work hard for.

if you find a snake lying in the street looking pathetic, remember that it's still a snake. it will bite you. it will hurt you. it will not ever give two craps that you tried to care for it. that's just a snake's nature.

lady, you have a snake.

friend for 4 years? sounds more like a hanger on and user for 4 years. the true colors are staring you in the face. now you must do everything in your power to guard yourself.

besides, how can you help anyone if you are on the verge of having nothing due to this jerk?

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by AbbyNormal
and if they have nowhere else to go?

this is causing me a lot of pain but i cant seem to kick someone out on the street that ive been friends with 4 years and dating for almost a year.... idk what im trying to accomplish posting about it but im very overwhelmed...

The alternative is that you go down with him, Abby.

There's a reason he has nowhere to go... but enabling him won't help him.

Does he have mental/emotional problems, or substance abuse problems?

click to expand

Okay, didn't see that there was a page 2.

If it were me... I would talk to his mother-- she won't take him

because she knows you will keep him.

I'm seriously betting this is the case.


But like someone else said, this isn't your fault or your responsibility.

If you honest to God liberate him from your home... well, she won't

let her baby be thrown to the wolves.

OR... maybe he can get the help he actually needs, being left with

no choice.

More often than not, people will NOT seek help when they have enablers who

keep providing for them, even though their behavior is unacceptable

or their issues need professional attention.

Standing in the way of someone getting help (aka letting them hit bottom)

is not a loving thing to do, ultimately.

Hope you have support of your own... you can do this.

Beat his ass then tell him not to ever contact me again.

1. you tell us specific things about him with malicious intentions of slanting our perspective of him
2. you make it clear that your feelings can't handle anything harsh
3. you make it clear that we're the only support
4. you make excuses for him when people notice, and comment negatively on this propaganda you started about him being a piss poor light



So, what is the point? If you refuse to acknowledge anything that even remotely resembles the truth, then why does this thread exist?


I've got to tell you, there's a couple Bulls in here who have made it crystal clear to dxp that if you love a guy, then it's perfectly ok to lick the bottom of his shoes ... that it's honorable to endure bullshit, and call it love.


So, is that what this is? If so, then what you are expecting from us is to say things like ......

"awe, you're so amazing, what would he do without you, baby girl. Any guy should be so lucky to have someone as special as you"


.... because you've refuted any rational insight, with excuses as to why you should be a martyr



I'm just curious ...... why is this thread here? What are you looking for?

Posted by P-Angel

1. you tell us specific things about him with malicious intentions of slanting our perspective of him
2. you make it clear that your feelings can't handle anything harsh
3. you make it clear that we're the only support
4. you make excuses for him when people notice, and comment negatively on this propaganda you started about him being a piss poor light



So, what is the point? If you refuse to acknowledge anything that even remotely resembles the truth, then why does this thread exist?


I've got to tell you, there's a couple Bulls in here who have made it crystal clear to dxp that if you love a guy, then it's perfectly ok to lick the bottom of his shoes ... that it's honorable to endure bullshit, and call it love.


So, is that what this is? If so, then what you are expecting from us is to say things like ......

"awe, you're so amazing, what would he do without you, baby girl. Any guy should be so lucky to have someone as special as you"


.... because you've refuted any rational insight, with excuses as to why you should be a martyr



I'm just curious ...... why is this thread here? What are you looking for?

wow this was expected lol im pretty sure i said i didnt know why i was posting on this. ALL of this is actually really helpful. i know certain things as truths but when it comes to acting upon what i know is right for myself, i feel terrible at what has to be done. and my disclosure is tentative in that i was taught not to air your dirty laundry so to speak. and to be fair, his mother is a bull also putting up with far too much from her significant other as well. this tenacity seems to be common in taurus fems in relationships.

so how would you all recommend breaking up with and asking a virgo with aqua moon, merc in virgo to move out? every time i talk to him about it, it gets turned around and he/it doesn't go anywhere...

If you meant for it to happen .... then it would have.

I don't even know why you would ask another person how to handle yourself in your own life.


So, you have to be told how to handle yourself in your own life? And you're how old again?


Seriously, Abby, dude .... wtf?

i ask advice from others yes. i don't have experience in everything and i like to weigh options. also others might see things i do not.

did i do something to you, P?

Kick him out. If he ignores you, MAKE him move out. Pack his stuff for him and get it out of your house. Take his key/change the locks. He'll continue to ignore you and use you for as long as you'll let him. If he doesn't have any claim to the place and absolutely refuses to budge, the law can help you take care of that. You need to worry about your own happiness more than how a guy without a job who is causing you major issues is going to live on his own. He'll surely just go leech off of someone else, so it will be fine. Even if it's not, then who cares? Doesn't sound like he's doing too much to deserve your help or sympathy. As others have said, he will drag you down with him. If you don't want that to happen, it's time to act.

I've had to kick out a guy who had no where to go and no job. And guess what? He was fine. He found some other place to live.

Posted by supreme

Give her something she can actually use.

That's absurd.

A 32 year old shouldn't have to be told how to not be a fool.

You all, and her, act like she's 14 years old and never experienced life before.

So, she's NEVER had to make adult decisions for her best interest? Really? You believe that? At 32?

No ... what is happening here is she refuses to hold herself accountable for her own actions, and so here she is trying to pretend that it's his fault she's being a fool.

There's no way in hell I'm going to sympathize with an adult acting like a helpless victim, when she isn't one.

Posted by AbbyNormal

did i do something to you, P?

Yes, you have, apparently numerous times.

Previously, you came in here and pretended to be a rational adult .... when it's obvious that you have the mentality level of a child.

Because if you actually were the person you pretend to be .... then you wouldn't be this kind of a fool.

this man is treating you exactly as you allow him to .... so don't expect me to be so gullible that I will believe you're a victim of circumstance.


If you truly wanted to remove him from you ... then it would be done. since it isn't done, it means that you want him with you. Maybe other people in here are dumb enough to believe that you're so stupid that you can't figure this out and so they have to advise you, but, I'm not that dumb.


I fully realize that you're not stupid ... you're just playing stupid. And obviously you think it's cute because you continue the façade in being helpless.


It's disgusting.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by AbbyNormal

did i do something to you, P?

Yes, you have, apparently numerous times.

Previously, you came in here and pretended to be a rational adult .... when it's obvious that you have the mentality level of a child.

Because if you actually were the person you pretend to be .... then you wouldn't be this kind of a fool.

this man is treating you exactly as you allow him to .... so don't expect me to be so gullible that I will believe you're a victim of circumstance.


If you truly wanted to remove him from you ... then it would be done. since it isn't done, it means that you want him with you. Maybe other people in here are dumb enough to believe that you're so stupid that you can't figure this out and so they have to advise you, but, I'm not that dumb.


I fully realize that you're not stupid ... you're just playing stupid. And obviously you think it's cute because you continue the façade in being helpless.


It's disgusting.

click to expand

noted. feel better?

i know what needs to be done but im finding it very hard to kick my best friend of 4 years, who told me that i saved his life last year, out on the street. i have had to break ties with individuals before but that doesnt make it any easier. ive made deadlines to try to motivate him to get a job and he hasnt held up his end either so i plan to write down everything i want to say beforehand so as not to get overly emotional and cave or flip out or anything. thanks everyone for the input.

fucking phone.... now my replys are all out of order but whatever....

Posted by PV&Jellay
I feel like we're missing a lot of back story here.

1. How did he stop you from getting your first raise?

2. How did he get you kicked out of your apartment?

there is a shit ton of back story and this obviously was taken the wrong way.

1. He showed up at my work shouting and cursing, hitting the counter to get my attention while i had a line of customers. Then grabbed my keys off the counter and ran. This was following yet another fight we had in my car as he dropped me off at work again to my displeasure. i want to say it was over the car but it was certainly petty and dumb. my boss attempted to talk to him afterwards and he wouldnt. so he was banned from my work and at the next meeting with the boss to discuss my raise after my 90day review, she told me i was going to get one until that of course and that i would have to assure her nothing like thay would happen again or we could lose our parking spot for the food truck. verbal altercations are apparently the first on the list of no nos.

2. We are renting from a man and my bf could not seem to follow his house rules, kinda strict i might add yet he told me that he had no problem with me staying. he asked us to move out after a verbal altercation they got in while in the kitchen over crumbs or something. he told me later he also suspected him of stealing which i dont see him stealing from him but whatever.

Posted by AbbyNormal
i know what needs to be done but im finding it very hard to kick my best friend of 4 years, who told me that i saved his life last year, out on the street. i have had to break ties with individuals before but that doesnt make it any easier. ive made deadlines to try to motivate him to get a job and he hasnt held up his end either so i plan to write down everything i want to say beforehand so as not to get overly emotional and cave or flip out or anything. thanks everyone for the input.

sounds like you need to save your life now and get rid. i agree with the others, the reason he is not gone because you haven't truly decided on that path yet. you need to make your mind up that it is going to happen and be the stubborn bull that you are and not budge on it.

you cannot motivate people who aren't ready yet. maybe throwing his arse into the cold will be the motivation to become the man you want although i think he has bigger problems than not having a job. emotional instability seems to be rife in his life and for a taurus that must be difficult to deal with on daily basis. do you really want this in your life?

Posted by 4ND5
that's nothing.

ok if he were a girl i might break up with him but i also might not.

just control him better. move to a nicer place where you don't share a kitchen.

that's if you love him.

If she loves him, she won't let him continue on a downward spiral

by supporting him... she'll force him out before he's totally unable

to help himself, and ends up in jail.

Happens all the time.

There's nothing "nice" about letting it happen.

You cannot help someone who doesn't want help... and that applies

to all parties concerned.

Get him therapy then, Abby.

And, know that life is not black and white. While you continue to sacrifice for him, the day might come when he will up and leave you with no qualms.

Usually over a stupid reason too.


Still, I understand how it might feel just dumping your bff. So, try therapy... counselling. Some churches offer these without being overly religious.

And they have them for couples too.

Whilst I'm on the roll, is like to bring your attention to something you must already know.

A partner who does not respect your source of livelihood does not respect you.

if he has no problem arguing with you in public, he could hit you.

From the looks of it, he can't manage his anger well.

Be careful.

12 years experience volunteering at a shelter for young adults.

Posted by jeane

Posted by AbbyNormal
i know what needs to be done but im finding it very hard to kick my best friend of 4 years, who told me that i saved his life last year, out on the street. i have had to break ties with individuals before but that doesnt make it any easier. ive made deadlines to try to motivate him to get a job and he hasnt held up his end either so i plan to write down everything i want to say beforehand so as not to get overly emotional and cave or flip out or anything. thanks everyone for the input.

sounds like you need to save your life now and get rid. i agree with the others, the reason he is not gone because you haven't truly decided on that path yet. you need to make your mind up that it is going to happen and be the stubborn bull that you are and not budge on it.

you cannot motivate people who aren't ready yet. maybe throwing his arse into the cold will be the motivation to become the man you want although i think he has bigger problems than not having a job. emotional instability seems to be rife in his life and for a taurus that must be difficult to deal with on daily basis. do you really want this in your life?

click to expand

no. that's the ultimate statement i have come down to for myself. i don't want this.

someone suggested therapy and thats all well and good but as someone else said im not his mother. i have helped him as far as i can to apply for medi-cal. I'd rather at this point get therapy for myself lol get out while i can still afford it lol

i fully understand this is what it is bc i have let it become this. just when i've put up with so much it was hard to draw the line bc every one i did got crossed with little to no consequence to him. now it's just a matter of finding the right words...

Posted by AbbyNormal

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by AbbyNormal

did i do something to you, P?

Yes, you have, apparently numerous times.

Previously, you came in here and pretended to be a rational adult .... when it's obvious that you have the mentality level of a child.

Because if you actually were the person you pretend to be .... then you wouldn't be this kind of a fool.

this man is treating you exactly as you allow him to .... so don't expect me to be so gullible that I will believe you're a victim of circumstance.


If you truly wanted to remove him from you ... then it would be done. since it isn't done, it means that you want him with you. Maybe other people in here are dumb enough to believe that you're so stupid that you can't figure this out and so they have to advise you, but, I'm not that dumb.


I fully realize that you're not stupid ... you're just playing stupid. And obviously you think it's cute because you continue the façade in being helpless.


It's disgusting.

noted. feel better?

click to expand

More denial on your part.

because I have no feelings involved with this, you, or the man .... so for you to say, "feel better?" is you being on the defensive because you know you are being a fool, rather than actually listening.

You're the one in here whining about not liking to have to be in control of your life. for you to have responses like that only prove that you're wanting to be validated, rather than actually having valuable information ... because tons of good advice has come to you in here and you are still justifying yourself with excuses.

which means, you don't really want to be rid of him ... you want to be honored for loving enough to be his fool ... because there are no options. So, to come in here and say you want to hear other insight, other options, when there aren't any other options - means you actually do want to be congratulated.

Posted by ellle

Posted by AbbyNormal
fucking phone.... now my replys are all out of order but whatever....

Posted by PV&Jellay
I feel like we're missing a lot of back story here.

1. How did he stop you from getting your first raise?

2. How did he get you kicked out of your apartment?

there is a shit ton of back story and this obviously was taken the wrong way.

1. He showed up at my work shouting and cursing, hitting the counter to get my attention while i had a line of customers. Then grabbed my keys off the counter and ran. This was following yet another fight we had in my car as he dropped me off at work again to my displeasure. i want to say it was over the car but it was certainly petty and dumb. my boss attempted to talk to him afterwards and he wouldnt. so he was banned from my work and at the next meeting with the boss to discuss my raise after my 90day review, she told me i was going to get one until that of course and that i would have to assure her nothing like thay would happen again or we could lose our parking spot for the food truck. verbal altercations are apparently the first on the list of no nos.

WTF?

you said 90 day review......which means it is a new job. what happened to the last one? did he have anything to do with that one too?

you are heading down a path straight to domestic violence.

get.out.now.

click to expand

we moved to Cali together in November. it took a while for both of us to get jobs but i got two at the beginning of april. he got a job in April or may i think, went and trained for a day or two a week for about three weeks then stopped going. ultimately it was my decision to leave Arkansas and my last job to come here which i do love my jobs here and i think it is the right place for me. i miss my old job in Arkansas too. i still talk to the owner who hired me. he offered me double what i was making to come back lol bc he ended up having testicular cancer lately 😢 anyway,... im thoroughly sick of my own topic. this thread was NOT meant to be taken in the way it was by some, but thats the beauty of individuality! we do not

we do not have to think and feel the same as any one else and that's cool to me 😄

ok ok you've been heard, noted, what else you need dear fish?

Posted by AbbyNormal

im not his mother

Of course you are ... and you appear to be proud of it

So, you didn't want him to take the car ... yet, you placed the car keys on the counter.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by AbbyNormal

im not his mother

Of course you are ... and you appear to be proud of it

click to expand

is this necessary?

And you're so disrespectful to YOUR place of employment, that you participated in an argument at work, for all to see?

So, let me get this straight ..... it takes two to tango, yet, he is SOLEY responsible for you getting in trouble.

Also, you said that your landlord will allow you to stay ... yet, you told us that he got you kicked out of your place.

so, which is it? which one is the lie?


btw, I don't continue talking for you. I've already determined that you're pretending to be stupid. so, there's no point in talking to you for your benefit. You don't want benefits, you don't want value - you want validation.


I continue to speak for the viewing audience .... to point out to them what is between the lines. Most people aren't smart enough to pick up on deception.

Posted by AbbyNormal

this thread was NOT meant to be taken in the way it was by some

Is that right?

So, how did you expect it to be taken?


I bet you thought we would feel sorry for you, and tell you how amazing you are in your love for him.

Posted by P-Angel

And you're so disrespectful to YOUR place of employment, that you participated in an argument at work, for all to see?

So, let me get this straight ..... it takes two to tango, yet, he is SOLEY responsible for you getting in trouble.

Also, you said that your landlord will allow you to stay ... yet, you told us that he got you kicked out of your place.

so, which is it? which one is the lie?


btw, I don't continue talking for you. I've already determined that you're pretending to be stupid. so, there's no point in talking to you for your benefit. You don't want benefits, you don't want value - you want validation.


I continue to speak for the viewing audience .... to point out to them what is between the lines. Most people aren't smart enough to pick up on deception.

listen P i never lied or pretended to be dumb bc i would like to hear from my peers. you were just as welcome as any yet you continue with hostility. fine you're upset i get it. but i legitimately wanted to hear from others besides your cranky ass. i have stated i know what needs to be done. in fact the title of this thread was stated as more of a hypothetical to others. now if you dont have anything constuctive I'll ask you kindly to please fuck off. i dont appreciate this kind of behavior from anyone.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by AbbyNormal

this thread was NOT meant to be taken in the way it was by some

Is that right?

So, how did you expect it to be taken?


I bet you thought we would feel sorry for you, and tell you how amazing you are in your love for him.

click to expand

i set no expectations as not to be disappointed 😉

and boy wasnt i lol

Posted by AbbyNormal

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by AbbyNormal

im not his mother

Of course you are ... and you appear to be proud of it

is this necessary?

click to expand

Oh yes ... most of the individuals who make up the viewing audience aren't aware enough to be able to read between the lines. They will take what you say at face value without looking at your motive.

You're lying to us. You say you don't want this, yet, your actions prove that you do ... and I've made sure that everyone reading this is becoming aware.