Why do people stay in unhappy relationships or marriages?

I just don’t get it, honestly.

This is a rant more than anything. My parents are in their 60s and have hated each other since I was a little girl. I’m 36 now.

My mom complains about how unhappy she is all the time. Today she told me that she wondered if “good” men exist.

I really believe that she created her own misery for staying. She created her own destiny.

I spoke with my dad one time and he’s also delusional and doesn’t think straight. He says he made a vow to my mom so he needs to stay with her no matter what. Okay, I get it but they don’t even speak to each other and insult each other constantly. So what kind of marriage??

Vows don’t mean anything if there’s no love. Everything is just so fake.

Oh by the way my mom is a Taurus and my dad a Gemini. They have gone through marriage counseling many times and nothing fixed their marriage or maybe they didn’t want to fix it and made little effort.

So why stay—— Does it even make sense to you—? They’re my parents but sometimes I feel like I resent them for staying together. I’m tired of hearing about how unhappy they are. And now that they’re becoming elderly they create more drama instead of finding peace.

I know my parents had amazing synergy up to the point my mom broke her shoulder. She lost most use of her dominant hand from it also, making it hard for her to do much. My dad stepped up, and pretty much does everything. Like mom doesn't want to even leave the house or do anything anymore, yet dad sticks around and takes care of her. I know deep down he is truly sad, and wants to still go out and do things like camping, hiking, and simply adventuring with the family, but mom just doesn't have it in her anymore. It's not only the shoulder thing, but many life things that happened in the last few years. Yet he doesn't leave her. As much as he deeply wants to go out on adventures like always, he sticks by her side and takes care of her every way possible. It's actually quite admirable imo. Most people would just leave for their own selfish reasons. Yet he stays by her side and sacrifices his own freedom, because he deeply loves her.

God this planet is going to be near impossible to exist in when one of them die.

Sounds like just “old married couple” thing to me! Like PV and dragon said above, it may just seem like that from the outside. What relationship you know is all roses and rainbows really? Relationships won’t be all comfortable all the time and you don’t leave them at the first sign of discomfort, right?They may just be in love anyway and are comfortable staying together than apart. They may not be exactly “happy” together but maybe they would be super depressed if they are apart…only they’d know! I’m sure there’s more to it than just them trying to keep the vows.

maybe coz they know each other best 🤷🤷

reminds me of my cancer gran going on a jealous rampage shouting and throwing stuff at my virgo grandpa just coz her sister was in the kitchen with him. like wtf they're all in their 50s like what is she even imagining? 🧓🧓

i thought he's crazy to put up with her but cancer gran might be crazy sensitive but she was also one of the sweetest, most generous people ever. seen her pics when she was younger and yeah she's very pretty but wtf still crazy. love her but yikes 🦀🦀

she died not too long after his passing coz some nights she was convinced that he 'visits' her. they married super young like they do in the old days where you kinda just grow up together. i can't imagine how much of a blow that loss was to her both mentally and emotionally. it's probably like losing a part of yourself too.

Because they are afraid...

Afraid of the change.

Afraid they can't find a better match.

Afraid to admit they deserve, can do better, and it exists at any time.

Posted by StubbornSag
That's a thing I'll never understand. Mine were the same. They even divorced but continued living together 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄 I've told my mom many times she should look for her happiness. She always kept me as an excuse for sticking around despite the fact I told her since I was 15 that she should divorce. And after I tuned 20 she did file for divorce but they remained living together until she died. I'm just deeply sad her life was so miserable and she never experienced some true happiness in life. It makes me wonder why some people have such poor destinies 😐 there are obviously worse examples but still, having to struggle your whole life makes it quite bad...

I think it's so others can live. I see it like, don't be jaded like this person or that person, just live life because you kinda only got one so connect with the people you wanna connect with before it's too late.

Posted by Lostthoughts
Because they are afraid...

Afraid of the change.

Afraid they can't find a better match.

Afraid to admit they deserve, can do better, and it exists at any time.

I don't think he was afraid tbh

Because being alone at 60 has it's downsides too.

Duty and Loyalty are powerful forces.

Some people take vows seriously and there will be no parting of ways.

I find it strangely romantic as a Venus in Capricorn.

Do your parents have earth Venus? Or tight Saturn synastry aspects?

Anyways, duty will keep you in a situation long after it’s expired date.

I've never understood why people stick around in relationships that clearly bring them nothing but misery. Your parents' situation sounds like a circus act gone wrong.

Some folks revel in their misery and use it as a crutch to avoid making the necessary changes. If they're content wallowing in their discontent, no amount of counseling will change a thing.

It's sad but hardly surprising; some folks prefer the comfort of familiar misery to the unknowns of freedom.

Posted by Soul
I know my parents had amazing synergy up to the point my mom broke her shoulder. She lost most use of her dominant hand from it also, making it hard for her to do much. My dad stepped up, and pretty much does everything. Like mom doesn't want to even leave the house or do anything anymore, yet dad sticks around and takes care of her. I know deep down he is truly sad, and wants to still go out and do things like camping, hiking, and simply adventuring with the family, but mom just doesn't have it in her anymore. It's not only the shoulder thing, but many life things that happened in the last few years. Yet he doesn't leave her. As much as he deeply wants to go out on adventures like always, he sticks by her side and takes care of her every way possible. It's actually quite admirable imo. Most people would just leave for their own selfish reasons. Yet he stays by her side and sacrifices his own freedom, because he deeply loves her.

God this planet is going to be near impossible to exist in when one of them die.

This is what "through richer or poorer, through good times and bad" in marriage vows mean. Your parents meant what they said when they took their marriage vows. So admirable and sweet.

Unpopular opinion here..

Historically speaking, marriage has mostly been viewed as a duty rather than love. The obsession with being deeply in love and entranced constantly is a recent phenomenon that took off with romance novels selling big in the 60s. Social media then added more pressure to relationships by believing you need to be happy all the time in life. Whether it be work, romance or play.

BE HAPPY is the motto in 2023, yet so many people are rude, harsh and are unable to perform the basic functions of a relationship.

You enter into a relationship to give, not to take. I can't speak for your parents, but there are some old-couples who bicker all the time, yet they deeply care for one another. Pride stops them from expressing it.

You leave when it’s harder to stay than it is to leave. You stay when when it’s harder to leave than to stay. A long term marriage is very difficult to leave because it’s a whole life, and sometimes you just live your life because you’ve lived a lifetime together, have common memories, bond & it gets blown apart when a split happens. Some don’t want to be alone, some stay due to duty/loyalty.

My grandparents were so unhappy for years, but then when they got older it changed due to counting on each other. I was really surprised to see that.. but it does happen. They lived into their 90’s. So maybe marriage is stages & sometimes we just can’t stay. Just because it looks one way from the outside, doesn’t mean they want to be apart.

A firm backhand and stockholm syndrome

Posted by virgoOPPP
maybe coz they know each other best 🤷🤷

reminds me of my cancer gran going on a jealous rampage shouting and throwing stuff at my virgo grandpa just coz her sister was in the kitchen with him. like wtf they're all in their 50s like what is she even imagining? 🧓🧓

i thought he's crazy to put up with her but cancer gran might be crazy sensitive but she was also one of the sweetest, most generous people ever. seen her pics when she was younger and yeah she's very pretty but wtf still crazy. love her but yikes 🦀🦀

she died not too long after his passing coz some nights she was convinced that he 'visits' her. they married super young like they do in the old days where you kinda just grow up together. i can't imagine how much of a blow that loss was to her both mentally and emotionally. it's probably like losing a part of yourself too.

True story my mom’s sister made passes at my father. I saw it in my teens. When my parents celebrated a big wedding anniversary she tried to made claim about my dad years ago. Total jealousy about their happiness I stepped in and told my mom what I had seen about her sister initiating flirting. So there maybe a reason

Posted by PuzzlePieces
You leave when it’s harder to stay than it is to leave. You stay when when it’s harder to leave than to stay. A long term marriage is very difficult to leave because it’s a whole life, and sometimes you just live your life because who’ve lived a lifetime together, have common memories, bond & it gets blown apart when a split happens. Some don’t want to be alone, some stay due to duty/loyalty.

My grandparents were so unhappy for years, but then when they got older it changed due to counting on each other. I was really surprised to see that.. but it does happen. They lived into their 90’s. So maybe marriage is stages & sometimes we just can’t stay. Just because it looks one way from the outside, doesn’t mean they want to be apart.

First two lines, right on the button. Plain and simple.

Posted by Truemara

Posted by virgoOPPP
maybe coz they know each other best 🤷🤷

reminds me of my cancer gran going on a jealous rampage shouting and throwing stuff at my virgo grandpa just coz her sister was in the kitchen with him. like wtf they're all in their 50s like what is she even imagining? 🧓🧓

i thought he's crazy to put up with her but cancer gran might be crazy sensitive but she was also one of the sweetest, most generous people ever. seen her pics when she was younger and yeah she's very pretty but wtf still crazy. love her but yikes 🦀🦀

she died not too long after his passing coz some nights she was convinced that he 'visits' her. they married super young like they do in the old days where you kinda just grow up together. i can't imagine how much of a blow that loss was to her both mentally and emotionally. it's probably like losing a part of yourself too.

True story my mom’s sister made passes at my father. I saw it in my teens. When my parents celebrated a big wedding anniversary she tried to made claim about my dad years ago. Total jealousy about their happiness I stepped in and told my mom what I had seen about her sister initiating flirting. So there maybe a reason

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nah my cap gran's many things but she never cared for her sister's husband. she only ever had a relationship with one man and that's my cancer grandpa. i think it's partly coz they're so bad-tempered that they're the only ones who can actually put up with each other 😆😆 very scary when they're mad 😱😱

they divorced in the end tho but they always seem to still like each other and he still calls her occasionally. they call each other names and cuss at each other in convos while laughing like it's their form of bonding 🧓🧓

with my man, we raise our voice just a tiny bit with each other and we both get so sensitive 😭😭 maybe it's an axis thing 🤷🤷

Disentanglement is difficult if there’s assets and children involved. It’s easy to eject or remove yourself if there’s nothing binding you to a person.

Other times it’s emotional co-dependence or having to start all over with a new person that can seem daunting. Hence why a lot of times cheating with someone you know occurs or running to an ex happens. This boggles my mind because with the population out there to know and get to know, why would I go to a tried, tested and failed individual. Again, this is entirely emotional.

Posted by Bumboklaat

Posted by dragonh0rsecvck
Do they have good synastry?
I've noticed in other long-term couples, even if the relationship looks seriously imbalanced/unpleasant from the outside, they'll have great aspects making cohabiting possible. I'm trying to train myself not to pass judgment on those ppl and assume they're exactly where they wanna be. although Taurus-Gemini doesn't seem to be a promising pair

I read somewhere that it's statistically one of the longer lasting marriages by sign.

Throughout my years I've noticed a lot of reasons people stay together.

The overwhelming majority stay cause it's convenient or they've become completely codependent(fear). Others stay for family, money etc.

I believe a lot of relationships are karmic, meant to teach us a lesson and move on. If you believe in personal life paths you will likely keep moving.

Also I don't believe it's natural for everyone to stay in one relationship for several years. People and situations change and you realize you're no longer compatible with someone.

I've had enough experience with married women to know that marriage is mostly convenience, it's hardly a measure of love or attraction at all.

I also read bigger more expensive weddings correlate with higher divorce rates.

click to expand

Well my marriages were not about convenience, but love & a bond. Well definitely the second one - 20 years together. The first one was a rebound and a freaking disaster and mistake & a big wedding 😂😂 think young & stupid I suppose. Tbh the love & bond never left with #2, it’s really about being good enough partners to last the rest of life. In the 40’s, midlife happens and it’s not so much about kids & family anymore but if you have it to make it through the final stages. Broke my heart to leave & took years to finally do it. Biggest thing to make a marriage last is a good partnership however it works with the two of you. You must work together, if you don’t it falls apart.

One word-Taurus

There are no “unhappy marriages”, but unhappy people. Many would still find reasons to be unhappy if single or coupled with someone else. A partner cannot make anyone with a miserable and entitled attitude to life happy.

Others would probably be happier if they stop considering idealised bullshit about how a marriage should be, about what they are supposed to be feeling or not, and start enjoying the good times and all the precious, small things that it brings.

And then there are abusive relationships. My parents had an abusive relationship, in my opinion. One cheated, repeatedly, and the other one was verbally abusive. They staid together because they wanted to, and the main reason for that was that they were almost perfect for each other. They had an exciting, drama filled relationship that was deeply satisfying for their Leo moons. That was their point of view, not mines. Other abusive relationships may be different, and codependency is probably the reason they last for longer than they should.

Marriage is definitely the ultimate commitment. Happiness, infatuation and feelings of love fade over time.

It's trust, commitment and care for the other person that remains and will become tested over time. You don't marry for happiness but rather to become one with the other person.

Marriage is definitely not for everyone and most people should definitely not marry. Unfortunately, a lot of people do it out of desire to not be alone in life and hence why you end up seeing two miserable people together, making their hearts distant.

When it comes to relationships, I think people should leave if there are big incompatibilities and deal breakers. There is no reason to be miserable when there are no serious bonds keeping things together..... Marriage vows, kids, etc.