Would you throw away your entire life, for someone you love, even though they may use you?

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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
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If you were married with a child but for various reasons didn't love your husband anymore - may be he treats you like shit, but in other ways is a good provider, so you love your life with him, more than you love him; Would you throw it all away to start a new life with a man who is in love with you (and you with him), BUT is homeless but has a job?

For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).

She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.

BUT..he has walked out on his wife and kid and lived in his car. He then moves in with a friend until he gets on his feet. Then he meets his partner who was also married with kids AND has left her marriage, family, life etc to be with him. She gets a place of her own and the guy moves in with her into HER new place (hence why he's homeless. It's her place).

Fast forward 10yrs and now he has met YOU and you are married blah blah blah and you fall in love etc.

Would you do the exact same thing she did? Even though his ex wife has now divorced him, and he has some money from that divorce?

Would you go straight in to living with him?

Or would you worry that he would do the same thing to you?

Eg Cheat on you, stay with you while he builds up money.

OR would you trust that he just went through a rough patch in his life and met this woman who loved him and he loved her, and that maybe she wasn't right for him.

So upon meeting you, he knows you are right for him/for each other and he actually won't use you because he genuinely loves you but just went through a rough patch.

Would you throw it all away for this man?
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Pandora101
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OP, it seems you somehow realized, your barbie-doll life with your provider is not enough for you.... the homeless looser is not important in this case, he was just a trigger to start realizing your own home situation....

its not going to help you, if you elope with somebody, because its again the same - a man, who defines you

try to make your own life worth, face your problems first

PS. I think its a fake post, nobody is so dumb

its a provocation
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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
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Posted by Pandora101
OP, it seems you somehow realized, your barbie-doll life with your provider is not enough for you.... the homeless looser is not important in this case, he was just a trigger to start realizing your own home situation....

its not going to help you, if you elope with somebody, because its again the same - a man, who defines you

try to make your own life worth, face your problems first

PS. I think its a fake post, nobody is so dumb

its a provocation
What do you mean by provocation?

And why do you think it's a fake post?
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@pooface222
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Posted by Fortuna
Posted by Pandora101
OP, it seems you somehow realized, your barbie-doll life with your provider is not enough for you.... the homeless looser is not important in this case, he was just a trigger to start realizing your own home situation....

its not going to help you, if you elope with somebody, because its again the same - a man, who defines you

try to make your own life worth, face your problems first

PS. I think its a fake post, nobody is so dumb

its a provocation
It's not a fake post. This has become a saga. It's been going on for some time now. I feel like she needs to spend some time, alone, away from both men and somehow get a reality check. Hope she can figure it out soon for the sake of her child. 😢

Good luck, op. Please take into consideration that this also affects an innocent person, your child, not just you and the men involved.
click to expand

Ok thanks but no need to be rude. I get it.

I've had depression that I didn't even realise I had and I realise now it started about 3yrs ago. I was spiralling downwards into a depression and didn't even know it.

I was scared and didn't know what was happening to me. I was also confused. So I made sure my child was looked after and cared for- by me - but all the while I was falling apart.

HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME.
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MyStarsShine
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Posted by Fortuna
Posted by Pandora101
OP, it seems you somehow realized, your barbie-doll life with your provider is not enough for you.... the homeless looser is not important in this case, he was just a trigger to start realizing your own home situation....

its not going to help you, if you elope with somebody, because its again the same - a man, who defines you

try to make your own life worth, face your problems first

PS. I think its a fake post, nobody is so dumb

its a provocation
It's not a fake post. This has become a saga. It's been going on for some time now. I feel like she needs to spend some time, alone, away from both men and somehow get a reality check. Hope she can figure it out soon for the sake of her child. 😢

Good luck, op. Please take into consideration that this also affects an innocent person, your child, not just you and the men involved.
click to expand

Very well said

👍
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MyStarsShine
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna
Posted by Pandora101
OP, it seems you somehow realized, your barbie-doll life with your provider is not enough for you.... the homeless looser is not important in this case, he was just a trigger to start realizing your own home situation....

its not going to help you, if you elope with somebody, because its again the same - a man, who defines you

try to make your own life worth, face your problems first

PS. I think its a fake post, nobody is so dumb

its a provocation
It's not a fake post. This has become a saga. It's been going on for some time now. I feel like she needs to spend some time, alone, away from both men and somehow get a reality check. Hope she can figure it out soon for the sake of her child. 😢

Good luck, op. Please take into consideration that this also affects an innocent person, your child, not just you and the men involved.
Ok thanks but no need to be rude. I get it.

I've had depression that I didn't even realise I had and I realise now it started about 3yrs ago. I was spiralling downwards into a depression and didn't even know it.

I was scared and didn't know what was happening to me. I was also confused. So I made sure my child was looked after and cared for- by me - but all the while I was falling apart.

HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME.
click to expand

.....and what if he ended up not looking after you ?
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by sierra_
yes

but not in that situation
Err ok but I MEANT in that situation. I'm asking people if they would throw it all away for a guy who maybe just went through a rough patch, and has stayed with his partner in order to build up some money.

But now he wants to be with You but wouldn't use you for money because he genuinely loves you..
click to expand

and has stayed with his partner in order to build up some money.

☝️ This doesn’t sound very trustworthy
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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
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Posted by Fortuna


Seems too complicated. I wouldn't have gone beyond the first paragraph. If things weren't working in a marriage, fix it or move on from the marriage for yourself and your child, NOT because of some romantic interest.



Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
This is where you address HIM and go over your problems, before moving on to...

Posted by pooface222


She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.
I feel like this is NOT even an option. Fix your own problems first before moving on to someone else.

like Pandora said.
click to expand

FORTUNA...

I DID address my husband! This is where the problems were. He refused to believe he was causing me any pain. He's controlling, bullying and very very selfish. He made excuses for behaviour to hide the fact that he hates to lose an argument. And trust me he HATES to lose. Even if he trampled all over the person he says he loves, all he cares about is WINNING!

SO..I addressed HIM. FAILED! He worked against me, not with me.
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Posted by Earthgoddess
Posted by ChocolateHazelnut
It's a bit too much for me. Love is nice.... But why should I destroy my life for it xD?
Because once you experience true love...it doesn’t feel like living without it
click to expand

Thank you Earth Goddess. That's what I'm trying to say here.

My husband is a cold calculating controlling bastard and I've had problems loving him because of it.

I found true love with the other guy.

And I found it after trying for years with .y husband.
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Posted by pooface222
If you were married with a child but for various reasons didn't love your husband anymore - may be he treats you like shit, but in other ways is a good provider, so you love your life with him, more than you love him; Would you throw it all away to start a new life with a man who is in love with you (and you with him), BUT is homeless but has a job?

For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).

She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.

BUT..he has walked out on his wife and kid and lived in his car. He then moves in with a friend until he gets on his feet. Then he meets his partner who was also married with kids AND has left her marriage, family, life etc to be with him. She gets a place of her own and the guy moves in with her into HER new place (hence why he's homeless. It's her place).

Fast forward 10yrs and now he has met YOU and you are married blah blah blah and you fall in love etc.

Would you do the exact same thing she did? Even though his ex wife has now divorced him, and he has some money from that divorce?

Would you go straight in to living with him?

Or would you worry that he would do the same thing to you?

Eg Cheat on you, stay with you while he builds up money.

OR would you trust that he just went through a rough patch in his life and met this woman who loved him and he loved her, and that maybe she wasn't right for him.

So upon meeting you, he knows you are right for him/for each other and he actually won't use you because he genuinely loves you but just went through a rough patch.

Would you throw it all away for this man?
Whoever this is with the perfect life but not happy with the husband should leave but not because of this new man. Only because they feel that their life within themselves would be better.

It's all lovely and shiny and new because this other man fulfills them atm but they haven't lived together, gone thru fights together and gone thru everyday life together. Don't do it for anyone else but yourself and for the benefit of the child and believe me, children see more than anyone thinks they do.
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MyStarsShine
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by Earthgoddess
Posted by ChocolateHazelnut
It's a bit too much for me. Love is nice.... But why should I destroy my life for it xD?
Because once you experience true love...it doesn’t feel like living without it
Thank you Earth Goddess. That's what I'm trying to say here.

My husband is a cold calculating controlling bastard and I've had problems loving him because of it.

I found true love with the other guy.

And I found it after trying for years with .y husband.
click to expand

....so, if you are so sure, why are you asking other people what they think ?
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Pandora101
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna


Seems too complicated. I wouldn't have gone beyond the first paragraph. If things weren't working in a marriage, fix it or move on from the marriage for yourself and your child, NOT because of some romantic interest.



Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
This is where you address HIM and go over your problems, before moving on to...

Posted by pooface222


She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.
I feel like this is NOT even an option. Fix your own problems first before moving on to someone else.

like Pandora said.
FORTUNA...

I DID address my husband! This is where the problems were. He refused to believe he was causing me any pain. He's controlling, bullying and very very selfish. He made excuses for behaviour to hide the fact that he hates to lose an argument. And trust me he HATES to lose. Even if he trampled all over the person he says he loves, all he cares about is WINNING!

SO..I addressed HIM. FAILED! He worked against me, not with me.
click to expand

OP: "I DID address my husband! This is where the problems were. He refused to believe he was causing me any pain. He's controlling, bullying and very very selfish. He made excuses for behaviour to hide the fact that he hates to lose an argument. And trust me he HATES to lose. Even if he trampled all over the person he says he loves, all he cares about is WINNING!

SO..I addressed HIM. FAILED! He worked against me, not with me. "

OP, pooface, have you adressed YOURSELF?

what did you do to fight depression? what did you do to improve your self-esteem?

you sound vulnerable, so that homeless loser is taking advantage of you, imho

you are talking about your selfish husband, your homeless user, who loves you - you are not talking about what you want? what you did for it?

maybe you elaborated in previous posts

what are you doing to make your life better, besides seeking "love"?

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MyStarsShine
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Posted by Gemgal101
Posted by pooface222
If you were married with a child but for various reasons didn't love your husband anymore - may be he treats you like shit, but in other ways is a good provider, so you love your life with him, more than you love him; Would you throw it all away to start a new life with a man who is in love with you (and you with him), BUT is homeless but has a job?

For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).

She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.

BUT..he has walked out on his wife and kid and lived in his car. He then moves in with a friend until he gets on his feet. Then he meets his partner who was also married with kids AND has left her marriage, family, life etc to be with him. She gets a place of her own and the guy moves in with her into HER new place (hence why he's homeless. It's her place).

Fast forward 10yrs and now he has met YOU and you are married blah blah blah and you fall in love etc.

Would you do the exact same thing she did? Even though his ex wife has now divorced him, and he has some money from that divorce?

Would you go straight in to living with him?

Or would you worry that he would do the same thing to you?

Eg Cheat on you, stay with you while he builds up money.

OR would you trust that he just went through a rough patch in his life and met this woman who loved him and he loved her, and that maybe she wasn't right for him.

So upon meeting you, he knows you are right for him/for each other and he actually won't use you because he genuinely loves you but just went through a rough patch.

Would you throw it all away for this man?
Whoever this is with the perfect life but not happy with the husband should leave but not because of this new man. Only because they feel that their life within themselves would be better.

It's all lovely and shiny and new because this other man fulfills them atm but they haven't lived together, gone thru fights together and gone thru everyday life together. Don't do it for anyone else but yourself and for the benefit of the child and believe me, children see more than anyone thinks they do.

click to expand

This 👍
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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna
Posted by Pandora101
OP, it seems you somehow realized, your barbie-doll life with your provider is not enough for you.... the homeless looser is not important in this case, he was just a trigger to start realizing your own home situation....

its not going to help you, if you elope with somebody, because its again the same - a man, who defines you

try to make your own life worth, face your problems first

PS. I think its a fake post, nobody is so dumb

its a provocation
It's not a fake post. This has become a saga. It's been going on for some time now. I feel like she needs to spend some time, alone, away from both men and somehow get a reality check. Hope she can figure it out soon for the sake of her child. 😢

Good luck, op. Please take into consideration that this also affects an innocent person, your child, not just you and the men involved.
Ok thanks but no need to be rude. I get it.

I've had depression that I didn't even realise I had and I realise now it started about 3yrs ago. I was spiralling downwards into a depression and didn't even know it.

I was scared and didn't know what was happening to me. I was also confused. So I made sure my child was looked after and cared for- by me - but all the while I was falling apart.

HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME.
.....and what if he ended up not looking after you ?
click to expand

Well hopefully by the time he starts to Not look after me, I have managed to heal with his love, that I can return to looking after myself again. It just takes time. I would have eventually got myself together again with his love healing me.
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MyStarsShine
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna
Posted by Pandora101
OP, it seems you somehow realized, your barbie-doll life with your provider is not enough for you.... the homeless looser is not important in this case, he was just a trigger to start realizing your own home situation....

its not going to help you, if you elope with somebody, because its again the same - a man, who defines you

try to make your own life worth, face your problems first

PS. I think its a fake post, nobody is so dumb

its a provocation
It's not a fake post. This has become a saga. It's been going on for some time now. I feel like she needs to spend some time, alone, away from both men and somehow get a reality check. Hope she can figure it out soon for the sake of her child. 😢

Good luck, op. Please take into consideration that this also affects an innocent person, your child, not just you and the men involved.
Ok thanks but no need to be rude. I get it.

I've had depression that I didn't even realise I had and I realise now it started about 3yrs ago. I was spiralling downwards into a depression and didn't even know it.

I was scared and didn't know what was happening to me. I was also confused. So I made sure my child was looked after and cared for- by me - but all the while I was falling apart.

HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME.
.....and what if he ended up not looking after you ?
Well hopefully by the time he starts to Not look after me, I have managed to heal with his love, that I can return to looking after myself again. It just takes time. I would have eventually got myself together again with his love healing me.
click to expand

...it won't.....your love will heal you....not his

Been there

Done that
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Dreamer222?
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Posted by MyStarsShine
A friend of mind after bring in "love" with three loser users now has a very screwed up son on her hands

I never involved our son in my love life....it's not appropriate or healthy....you have to be very sure of that guy
I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!
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Pandora101
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
A friend of mind after bring in "love" with three loser users now has a very screwed up son on her hands

I never involved our son in my love life....it's not appropriate or healthy....you have to be very sure of that guy
I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!
click to expand

OP, Pooface: "I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!"



can you please tell me what is your job? what do you do for living? it seems your life is absorbed in your romantic fantasy drama

so, what are you doing to keep those two cars?



Edit: I am sorry, this was mean. What I wanted to say is this: try to find some fulfilment, and not be dependent on anybody... and focus only on romantic things

I am very moved and touched by your last post, how lonely you are.... please, try to find some courses, work

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MyStarsShine
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
A friend of mind after bring in "love" with three loser users now has a very screwed up son on her hands

I never involved our son in my love life....it's not appropriate or healthy....you have to be very sure of that guy
I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!
click to expand

So live apart from him, make sure your girl is safe and when seeing her dad is safe too and focus on your healing
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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
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Posted by Fortuna
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna


Seems too complicated. I wouldn't have gone beyond the first paragraph. If things weren't working in a marriage, fix it or move on from the marriage for yourself and your child, NOT because of some romantic interest.



Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
This is where you address HIM and go over your problems, before moving on to...

Posted by pooface222


She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.
I feel like this is NOT even an option. Fix your own problems first before moving on to someone else.

like Pandora said.
FORTUNA...

I DID address my husband! This is where the problems were. He refused to believe he was causing me any pain. He's controlling, bullying and very very selfish. He made excuses for behaviour to hide the fact that he hates to lose an argument. And trust me he HATES to lose. Even if he trampled all over the person he says he loves, all he cares about is WINNING!

SO..I addressed HIM. FAILED! He worked against me, not with me.


I do vaguely remember you saying that before.

So your solution was to find a new partner without addressing your own issues or fully closing the door on the last relationship? Seems like you're in a vulnerable place to be in any kind of relationship. You need to take care of your own emotional and mental health.

"HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME."

You're responsible for yourself not a man or anyone else. You need to look after yourself. Take care of yourself.

click to expand

True.

I tried to address the issues but failed. He just wanted to fight.

I never fully left closed the door on my marriage. I stayed and left Emotionally. Bad idea!

I should have just divorced him.

But he moved out in September, wo t give me his address, and now I'm very very lonely. We are not speaking at all. He comes round every Sunday to see his child but he is silent. It's weird.

I wish I had left my marriage properly because now I spend every night in this house alone with my child in bed. I can't go out and I'm dying to. I'm so badly lonely.

I sometimes have friends come round but they all have families of their own to be with at night.

I am dying to go out at night and be ME. But I can't afford a child minder. My mum is elderly and lives over an hour away and doesn't drive.

I.am stuffed!
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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
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Comments: 6 · Posts: 1783 · Topics: 79
Posted by Pandora101
Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
A friend of mind after bring in "love" with three loser users now has a very screwed up son on her hands

I never involved our son in my love life....it's not appropriate or healthy....you have to be very sure of that guy
I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!
OP, Pooface: "I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!"



can you please tell me what is your job? what do you do for living? it seems your life is absorbed in your romantic fantasy drama

so, what are you doing to keep these two cars?



click to expand

I only have 1 car. The other is my husband's.

I am self-employed and I teach exercise classes in a local gym. With a child I don't earn much.
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Gemgal101
@Gemgal101
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 220 · Topics: 5
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
A friend of mind after bring in "love" with three loser users now has a very screwed up son on her hands

I never involved our son in my love life....it's not appropriate or healthy....you have to be very sure of that guy
I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!
So live apart from him, make sure your girl is safe and when seeing her dad is safe too and focus on your healing
click to expand

Exactly that! Couldn't have said it better..
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Gemgal101
@Gemgal101
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 220 · Topics: 5
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna


Seems too complicated. I wouldn't have gone beyond the first paragraph. If things weren't working in a marriage, fix it or move on from the marriage for yourself and your child, NOT because of some romantic interest.



Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
This is where you address HIM and go over your problems, before moving on to...

Posted by pooface222


She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.
I feel like this is NOT even an option. Fix your own problems first before moving on to someone else.

like Pandora said.
FORTUNA...

I DID address my husband! This is where the problems were. He refused to believe he was causing me any pain. He's controlling, bullying and very very selfish. He made excuses for behaviour to hide the fact that he hates to lose an argument. And trust me he HATES to lose. Even if he trampled all over the person he says he loves, all he cares about is WINNING!

SO..I addressed HIM. FAILED! He worked against me, not with me.


I do vaguely remember you saying that before.

So your solution was to find a new partner without addressing your own issues or fully closing the door on the last relationship? Seems like you're in a vulnerable place to be in any kind of relationship. You need to take care of your own emotional and mental health.

"HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME."

You're responsible for yourself not a man or anyone else. You need to look after yourself. Take care of yourself.


True.

I tried to address the issues but failed. He just wanted to fight.

I never fully left closed the door on my marriage. I stayed and left Emotionally. Bad idea!

I should have just divorced him.

But he moved out in September, wo t give me his address, and now I'm very very lonely. We are not speaking at all. He comes round every Sunday to see his child but he is silent. It's weird.

I wish I had left my marriage properly because now I spend every night in this house alone with my child in bed. I can't go out and I'm dying to. I'm so badly lonely.

I sometimes have friends come round but they all have families of their own to be with at night.

I am dying to go out at night and be ME. But I can't afford a child minder. My mum is elderly and lives over an hour away and doesn't drive.

I.am stuffed!
click to expand

You're not stuffed. Please don't say that.

I left my husband and I have 2 boys. My family is over an hour away and I really had no friends to trust or that had the time to look after my children. I got my own place and am still working. It's been almost 4 years. If you want it to work you can and will make it work. It will be hard and will get worse before it gets better but the ending will be worth it because You will be happy. There is only one You and your child needs that one You as a whole.

You will find friends who will help you that you never thought would and others will walk away.

Don't look at the big picture just yet. Take one step at a time..
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Pandora101
@Pandora101
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 826 · Posts: 2348 · Topics: 15
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Pandora101
Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
A friend of mind after bring in "love" with three loser users now has a very screwed up son on her hands

I never involved our son in my love life....it's not appropriate or healthy....you have to be very sure of that guy
I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!
OP, Pooface: "I understand x i was always very sure of my husband though. It's been 14yrs together.

However in the last 6 months I have found out more about him than in the last 14yrs.

I've discovered that he's a Narcissist. He scares me.

Now after 14yrs I am NOT sure of him. He says things to our child knowing she will say them to me. He uses her as mouthpiece and is using her against me.

I've realised that his controlling behaviour has No end! Even with his own child!"



can you please tell me what is your job? what do you do for living? it seems your life is absorbed in your romantic fantasy drama

so, what are you doing to keep these two cars?




I only have 1 car. The other is my husband's.

I am self-employed and I teach exercise classes in a local gym. With a child I don't earn much.
click to expand

"I am self-employed and I teach exercise classes in a local gym. With a child I don't earn much. "

I edited my previous post....

Edit: I am sorry, this was mean. What I wanted to say is this: try to find some fulfilment, and not be dependent on anybody... and focus only on romantic things

I am very moved and touched by your last post, how lonely you are.... please, try to find some courses, work

Edit2: stop make excuses... there are lots of mothers, who work .... but maybe you are not finding fulfilment in your current job.... try to find another one...

if you are not living with the father, he should help you with the childcare costs..

the main thing is, you have to find a job or any meaningful occupation, otherwise you will feel useless and worthless.... that is not a great message to your girl, is it?

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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by pooface222
Posted by miriyahhh
What's the husband sign, and what's this new guys sign? Also yours?

"Hypothetically"
I am Capricorn.

Husband is Aries.

Other guy is Pisces


In that case id definitely stay with my husband.

I'd never leave the safe confines of an Aries for a fly-by-night Pisces.

click to expand

...even though he treats her badly....and the child and because he is an Aries?

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miriyahhh
@miriyahhh
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 206 · Posts: 1368 · Topics: 16
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by pooface222
Posted by miriyahhh
What's the husband sign, and what's this new guys sign? Also yours?

"Hypothetically"
I am Capricorn.

Husband is Aries.

Other guy is Pisces


In that case id definitely stay with my husband.

I'd never leave the safe confines of an Aries for a fly-by-night Pisces.


...even though he treats her badly....and the child and because he is an Aries?

click to expand

Or so she says. I'm an Aries and always will think about the 2nd party. We only know HER story. And she may bend it because she's a cap in her favor. She said nothing about Aries infidelity* (only) actually on her part. Just how she feels and how she's treated. But she said she doesn't work ( much ). Why juggle a child up because a Pisces comes along.
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miriyahhh
@miriyahhh
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 206 · Posts: 1368 · Topics: 16
Posted by Timon
Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
Perfect life? That's not a perfect life just because he has a good job and salary and they have cars, and can go on holidays every year. You're a cap right? 😆

Materialistic things doesn't make a life perfect. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect life. Don't look for happiness from external factors (another man and fancy things ) but within you. I think if you have self-love you would know how to make the best decisions for you and your child whether it is removing yourself from a toxic relationship because it's harming you or working things out with your partner. Right now you're not happy where you are and instead of trying to work on that you're looking for another man bringing you that happiness. Sorry about your depression. I can imagine it must be hard on you not feeling you get the emotional support from your partner that you need. Try to find someone professional that can help you through it.

All the best.

click to expand

OK or get a damn job and stop sitting around the house thinking about other men all day.
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miriyahhh
@miriyahhh
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 206 · Posts: 1368 · Topics: 16
Posted by Timon
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by Timon
Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
Perfect life? That's not a perfect life just because he has a good job and salary and they have cars, and can go on holidays every year. You're a cap right? 😆

Materialistic things doesn't make a life perfect. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect life. Don't look for happiness from external factors (another man and fancy things ) but within you. I think if you have self-love you would know how to make the best decisions for you and your child whether it is removing yourself from a toxic relationship because it's harming you or working things out with your partner. Right now you're not happy where you are and instead of trying to work on that you're looking for another man bringing you that happiness. Sorry about your depression. I can imagine it must be hard on you not feeling you get the emotional support from your partner that you need. Try to find someone professional that can help you through it.

All the best.


OK or get a damn job and stop sitting around the house thinking about other men all day.


I thought she had a job?

click to expand

She said she self employed and does classes at a gym where she doesn't earn much. So instead of focusing on being able to solely provide a better life for her kid she's gonna move in a Pisces that's giving her The attention she's not getting at home. (new attention). I'm a woman I've heard this merry go round before.

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Pandora101
@Pandora101
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 826 · Posts: 2348 · Topics: 15
Posted by Timon
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by Timon
Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
Perfect life? That's not a perfect life just because he has a good job and salary and they have cars, and can go on holidays every year. You're a cap right? 😆

Materialistic things doesn't make a life perfect. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect life. Don't look for happiness from external factors (another man and fancy things ) but within you. I think if you have self-love you would know how to make the best decisions for you and your child whether it is removing yourself from a toxic relationship because it's harming you or working things out with your partner. Right now you're not happy where you are and instead of trying to work on that you're looking for another man bringing you that happiness. Sorry about your depression. I can imagine it must be hard on you not feeling you get the emotional support from your partner that you need. Try to find someone professional that can help you through it.

All the best.


OK or get a damn job and stop sitting around the house thinking about other men all day.


I thought she had a job?

click to expand

Timon: "I thought she had a job? "

She has a job, what is apparently not fulfilling her and doesnt provide a financial base. It seems its more like an earning a pocket-money student thing, not really a grown-up woman thing

I mean, after 14 years together with the husband, what else she did? how old is the child? it seems the child is very young.... what she did before the child was born? sitting at home, being taken care by the husband?

have she ever provided for herself?

maybe thats the reason, why the husband got abusive towards her? that she did nothing all the time? not working on herself? not working - period? maybe the husband felt like a sugar-daddy? that they are not equal?

we dont know

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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 6 · Posts: 1783 · Topics: 79
Posted by Juliiette
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna


Seems too complicated. I wouldn't have gone beyond the first paragraph. If things weren't working in a marriage, fix it or move on from the marriage for yourself and your child, NOT because of some romantic interest.



Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
This is where you address HIM and go over your problems, before moving on to...

Posted by pooface222


She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.
I feel like this is NOT even an option. Fix your own problems first before moving on to someone else.

like Pandora said.
FORTUNA...

I DID address my husband! This is where the problems were. He refused to believe he was causing me any pain. He's controlling, bullying and very very selfish. He made excuses for behaviour to hide the fact that he hates to lose an argument. And trust me he HATES to lose. Even if he trampled all over the person he says he loves, all he cares about is WINNING!

SO..I addressed HIM. FAILED! He worked against me, not with me.


I do vaguely remember you saying that before.

So your solution was to find a new partner without addressing your own issues or fully closing the door on the last relationship? Seems like you're in a vulnerable place to be in any kind of relationship. You need to take care of your own emotional and mental health.

"HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME."

You're responsible for yourself not a man or anyone else. You need to look after yourself. Take care of yourself.


True.

I tried to address the issues but failed. He just wanted to fight.

I never fully left closed the door on my marriage. I stayed and left Emotionally. Bad idea!

I should have just divorced him.

But he moved out in September, wo t give me his address, and now I'm very very lonely. We are not speaking at all. He comes round every Sunday to see his child but he is silent. It's weird.

I wish I had left my marriage properly because now I spend every night in this house alone with my child in bed. I can't go out and I'm dying to. I'm so badly lonely.

I sometimes have friends come round but they all have families of their own to be with at night.

I am dying to go out at night and be ME. But I can't afford a child minder. My mum is elderly and lives over an hour away and doesn't drive.

I.am stuffed!



these last 6 months he is probably having an affair. he just left? no explanation?

click to expand

He is not having an affair. I don't want to go into the whole story but because of our arguments, social services are involved and they separated us for the sake of our child. So he moved out to a flat somewhere.
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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 6 · Posts: 1783 · Topics: 79
Posted by Apparition
Posted by pooface222
If you were married with a child but for various reasons didn't love your husband anymore - may be he treats you like shit, but in other ways is a good provider, so you love your life with him, more than you love him; Would you throw it all away to start a new life with a man who is in love with you (and you with him), BUT is homeless but has a job?

For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).

She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.

BUT..he has walked out on his wife and kid and lived in his car. He then moves in with a friend until he gets on his feet. Then he meets his partner who was also married with kids AND has left her marriage, family, life etc to be with him. She gets a place of her own and the guy moves in with her into HER new place (hence why he's homeless. It's her place).

Fast forward 10yrs and now he has met YOU and you are married blah blah blah and you fall in love etc.

Would you do the exact same thing she did? Even though his ex wife has now divorced him, and he has some money from that divorce?

Would you go straight in to living with him?

Or would you worry that he would do the same thing to you?

Eg Cheat on you, stay with you while he builds up money.

OR would you trust that he just went through a rough patch in his life and met this woman who loved him and he loved her, and that maybe she wasn't right for him.

So upon meeting you, he knows you are right for him/for each other and he actually won't use you because he genuinely loves you but just went through a rough patch.

Would you throw it all away for this man?
No, because I wouldn't allow myself to be in anywhere near a situation like this hypothetical one in the first place.

Also, these hypothetical people in your hypothetical situation need therapy. You don't stay in a relationship because it's convenient. You don't depend on someone else to make you happy. You do not place your well being entirely in the hands of another. You do not avoid any accountability for your actions/inactions by acting like a love struck victim. You do not pursue a person who's already in a relationship. You do not occupy yourself with hyperbole and conjecture to a point that you loose sight of yourself, and what matters to you.

I mean, I can keep going because it's no joke that messy. There is no foundation of 'Self' within these hypothetical people to build a quality hypothetical relationship on.

So, I say again... No. I would not.
click to expand

Ok. Point taken.

So what WOULD you do?

Stay in your marriage?

Or leave and be single with your child?
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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 6 · Posts: 1783 · Topics: 79
Posted by Earthgoddess
Posted by sierra_
Posted by Earthgoddess
Wat are ur signs?

Your ,the husband and the other guy

Edit: fucking really!!!!! Don’t leave the Aries....for a Pisces smh 🤦🏽‍♀️
i had a feeling it's a pisces
I just don’t get it🤷‍♀️

click to expand

Why did you say Don't leave an Aries for a Pisces? Why is is that wrong? Just want your opinion?
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Juliiette
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Fortuna


Seems too complicated. I wouldn't have gone beyond the first paragraph. If things weren't working in a marriage, fix it or move on from the marriage for yourself and your child, NOT because of some romantic interest.



Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
This is where you address HIM and go over your problems, before moving on to...

Posted by pooface222


She meets someone else who fulfills her emotionally and they have so much in common they are like soul mates and they want to be together so much it hurts to be apart.
I feel like this is NOT even an option. Fix your own problems first before moving on to someone else.

like Pandora said.
FORTUNA...

I DID address my husband! This is where the problems were. He refused to believe he was causing me any pain. He's controlling, bullying and very very selfish. He made excuses for behaviour to hide the fact that he hates to lose an argument. And trust me he HATES to lose. Even if he trampled all over the person he says he loves, all he cares about is WINNING!

SO..I addressed HIM. FAILED! He worked against me, not with me.


I do vaguely remember you saying that before.

So your solution was to find a new partner without addressing your own issues or fully closing the door on the last relationship? Seems like you're in a vulnerable place to be in any kind of relationship. You need to take care of your own emotional and mental health.

"HENCE I needed someone - a man who loves me - to look after ME."

You're responsible for yourself not a man or anyone else. You need to look after yourself. Take care of yourself.


True.

I tried to address the issues but failed. He just wanted to fight.

I never fully left closed the door on my marriage. I stayed and left Emotionally. Bad idea!

I should have just divorced him.

But he moved out in September, wo t give me his address, and now I'm very very lonely. We are not speaking at all. He comes round every Sunday to see his child but he is silent. It's weird.

I wish I had left my marriage properly because now I spend every night in this house alone with my child in bed. I can't go out and I'm dying to. I'm so badly lonely.

I sometimes have friends come round but they all have families of their own to be with at night.

I am dying to go out at night and be ME. But I can't afford a child minder. My mum is elderly and lives over an hour away and doesn't drive.

I.am stuffed!



these last 6 months he is probably having an affair. he just left? no explanation?


He is not having an affair. I don't want to go into the whole story but because of our arguments, social services are involved and they separated us for the sake of our child. So he moved out to a flat somewhere.
click to expand

Sounds messy and all the more reason to not involve your child with another bloke who could potentially be unstable.

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Dreamer222?
@pooface222
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 6 · Posts: 1783 · Topics: 79
Posted by Pandora101
Posted by Timon
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by Timon
Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
Perfect life? That's not a perfect life just because he has a good job and salary and they have cars, and can go on holidays every year. You're a cap right? 😆

Materialistic things doesn't make a life perfect. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect life. Don't look for happiness from external factors (another man and fancy things ) but within you. I think if you have self-love you would know how to make the best decisions for you and your child whether it is removing yourself from a toxic relationship because it's harming you or working things out with your partner. Right now you're not happy where you are and instead of trying to work on that you're looking for another man bringing you that happiness. Sorry about your depression. I can imagine it must be hard on you not feeling you get the emotional support from your partner that you need. Try to find someone professional that can help you through it.

All the best.


OK or get a damn job and stop sitting around the house thinking about other men all day.


I thought she had a job?

click to expand

Timon: "I thought she had a job? "

She has a job, what is apparently not fulfilling her and doesnt provide a financial base. It seems its more like an earning a pocket-money student thing, not really a grown-up woman thing

I mean, after 14 years together with the husband, what else she did? how old is the child? it seems the child is very young.... what she did before the child was born? sitting at home, being taken care by the husband?

have she ever provided for herself?

maybe thats the reason, why the husband got abusive towards her? that she did nothing all the time? not working on herself? not working - period? maybe the husband felt like a sugar-daddy? that they are not equal?

we dont know

Profile picture of pooface222
Dreamer222?
@pooface222
9 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 6 · Posts: 1783 · Topics: 79
Posted by Pandora101
Posted by Timon
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by Timon
Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
Perfect life? That's not a perfect life just because he has a good job and salary and they have cars, and can go on holidays every year. You're a cap right? 😆

Materialistic things doesn't make a life perfect. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect life. Don't look for happiness from external factors (another man and fancy things ) but within you. I think if you have self-love you would know how to make the best decisions for you and your child whether it is removing yourself from a toxic relationship because it's harming you or working things out with your partner. Right now you're not happy where you are and instead of trying to work on that you're looking for another man bringing you that happiness. Sorry about your depression. I can imagine it must be hard on you not feeling you get the emotional support from your partner that you need. Try to find someone professional that can help you through it.

All the best.


OK or get a damn job and stop sitting around the house thinking about other men all day.


I thought she had a job?


Timon: "I thought she had a job? "

She has a job, what is apparently not fulfilling her and doesnt provide a financial base. It seems its more like an earning a pocket-money student thing, not really a grown-up woman thing

I mean, after 14 years together with the husband, what else she did? how old is the child? it seems the child is very young.... what she did before the child was born? sitting at home, being taken care by the husband?

have she ever provided for herself?

maybe thats the reason, why the husband got abusive towards her? that she did nothing all the time? not working on herself? not working - period? maybe the husband felt like a sugar-daddy? that they are not equal?

we dont know

click to expand

Also my child is nearly 4
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MyStarsShine
@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 37529 · Posts: 41243 · Topics: 331
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Pandora101
Posted by Timon
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by Timon
Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
Perfect life? That's not a perfect life just because he has a good job and salary and they have cars, and can go on holidays every year. You're a cap right? 😆

Materialistic things doesn't make a life perfect. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect life. Don't look for happiness from external factors (another man and fancy things ) but within you. I think if you have self-love you would know how to make the best decisions for you and your child whether it is removing yourself from a toxic relationship because it's harming you or working things out with your partner. Right now you're not happy where you are and instead of trying to work on that you're looking for another man bringing you that happiness. Sorry about your depression. I can imagine it must be hard on you not feeling you get the emotional support from your partner that you need. Try to find someone professional that can help you through it.

All the best.


OK or get a damn job and stop sitting around the house thinking about other men all day.


I thought she had a job?


Timon: "I thought she had a job? "

She has a job, what is apparently not fulfilling her and doesnt provide a financial base. It seems its more like an earning a pocket-money student thing, not really a grown-up woman thing

I mean, after 14 years together with the husband, what else she did? how old is the child? it seems the child is very young.... what she did before the child was born? sitting at home, being taken care by the husband?

have she ever provided for herself?

maybe thats the reason, why the husband got abusive towards her? that she did nothing all the time? not working on herself? not working - period? maybe the husband felt like a sugar-daddy? that they are not equal?

we dont know


Also my child is nearly 4
click to expand

The formulative years (the first seven) are extremely important for a child....security, safety and support are very much needed...

I would keep that new guy away from her
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Pandora101
@Pandora101
10 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 826 · Posts: 2348 · Topics: 15
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Pandora101
Posted by Timon
Posted by miriyahhh
Posted by Timon
Posted by pooface222


For example, let's say a woman has the perfect life. Married. A husband with a good job and salary. She loves her job too. A child. A nice home. They both have cars and a nice social life, Holidays every year etc..

But she's not happy with HIM (maybe he puts her down, takes her for granted).
Perfect life? That's not a perfect life just because he has a good job and salary and they have cars, and can go on holidays every year. You're a cap right? 😆

Materialistic things doesn't make a life perfect. I don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect life. Don't look for happiness from external factors (another man and fancy things ) but within you. I think if you have self-love you would know how to make the best decisions for you and your child whether it is removing yourself from a toxic relationship because it's harming you or working things out with your partner. Right now you're not happy where you are and instead of trying to work on that you're looking for another man bringing you that happiness. Sorry about your depression. I can imagine it must be hard on you not feeling you get the emotional support from your partner that you need. Try to find someone professional that can help you through it.

All the best.


OK or get a damn job and stop sitting around the house thinking about other men all day.


I thought she had a job?


Timon: "I thought she had a job? "

She has a job, what is apparently not fulfilling her and doesnt provide a financial base. It seems its more like an earning a pocket-money student thing, not really a grown-up woman thing

I mean, after 14 years together with the husband, what else she did? how old is the child? it seems the child is very young.... what she did before the child was born? sitting at home, being taken care by the husband?

have she ever provided for herself?

maybe thats the reason, why the husband got abusive towards her? that she did nothing all the time? not working on herself? not working - period? maybe the husband felt like a sugar-daddy? that they are not equal?

we dont know


Also my child is nearly 4
click to expand

OP: "Also my child is nearly 4"

Okey, you were together with your Aries man for 14 years.... what did you do 9 years before your child was born? did you earn enough money? were you happy?

all the background is a mistery to me..... what did you do all your life? and more importantly, you wanna continue what you did all your life so far?
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