Entering a vulnerable phase

Well life be lifing and it has caused me to go into a major phase of reflection.

As I stare down my inevitable hysterectomy in 6 months I am saddened that I’ve run out of time to have kids.

I also suffered major heart failure that has changed my life.

I am so proud of the risks that I have taken and wish I could have taken more.

I never thought for a moment I would be where I am now but I’m here ready to chart new courses.

It’s scary out here and my faith keeps me going.

whatever you accomplish or not, your past will always appear equally mediocre and precious at the end. There's nothing to be sad for, just try not to give too much into mediocrity and futility while you're in charge

Although being a parent can be great, it doesn't mean you will be happy forever once you become a parent.

Also remember there are so many examples of unhappy families, parents, children. So you can be happy whether you have kids or not. It's about what you do with your own life.

Examples of celeb couples or ladies that decided not to have kids and are happy 😛

Alison brie(42) and dave franco- they are happy with their cats, saying kids would have been too much responsibility

Leslie bibb (51) and sam rockwell- never had kids because they thought it was very stressful not knowing what will happen to your kids, you don't know if they will be happy, so it can be very stressful being a parent

Kylie minogue

Dolly parton

I’m still amidst my Saturn return so there’s been a lot of reflection for me too. I went the route of obtaining that white picket fence life with children. I’m still trying to figure out if I did it for myself or if I let society condition me into believing this is what I’m good with. Pretty sure it’s a mix of both like most. Parenthood has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. I constantly question if I made a mistake since things feel more difficult for me than others. My grandparents and great grandparents had like 10+ kids with barely any modern advances and here I am drowning with ONE. Like am I broken? I try to give myself lots of grace and avoid is the grass really greener on the other side kind of thoughts. I often come to the conclusion no matter what other route I’d have taken, there’s pros and cons to all of them and I couldn’t do many of them simultaneously.

I’ve also been trying to prioritize my well being. Taking preventative health measures very seriously. I feel like I’m too young for a lot of the problems I’ve discovered I have but I also see others my age experiencing the same things except being blatantly in denial about it. Like if they don’t tell the doctor and they don’t document it, it simply doesn’t exist for them. I’m proud of myself for being proactive instead of reactive. Have you not been getting regular blood work done and seeing specialists when necessary for the past decade? A person’s health is their #1 asset. I believe most things can be preventable if you try to be proactive.

Posted by SassyKiwi
I’m still amidst my Saturn return so there’s been a lot of reflection for me too. I went the route of obtaining that white picket fence life with children. I’m still trying to figure out if I did it for myself or if I let society condition me into believing this is what I’m good with. Pretty sure it’s a mix of both like most. Parenthood has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. I constantly question if I made a mistake since things feel more difficult for me than others. My grandparents and great grandparents had like 10+ kids with barely any modern advances and here I am drowning with ONE. Like am I broken? I try to give myself lots of grace and avoid is the grass really greener on the other side kind of thoughts. I often come to the conclusion no matter what other route I’d have taken, there’s pros and cons to all of them and I couldn’t do many of them simultaneously.

I’ve also been trying to prioritize my well being. Taking preventative health measures very seriously. I feel like I’m too young for a lot of the problems I’ve discovered I have but I also see others my age experiencing the same things except being blatantly in denial about it. Like if they don’t tell the doctor and they don’t document it, it simply doesn’t exist for them. I’m proud of myself for being proactive instead of reactive. Have you not been getting regular blood work done and seeing specialists when necessary for the past decade? A person’s health is their #1 asset. I believe most things can be preventable if you try to be proactive.

Yeah I had been diagnosed with anemia due to heavy periods annd fibroids and started on a treatment plan after an emergency er visit for a blood transfusion.

The treatment plan was working till I developed blood clots while traveling and sent me to the er less than 10 months later with heart failure.

the last 10 months have been a whirlwind.

I really thought I was on the road to recovery but got thrown wrench.

I guess I’m just tired but i gotta stay positive

Life becomes interesting when deadlines and timestamps are added to it

Posted by Bluemoon86
I’m sorry. You said you have heart failure? As in health problems? If so, is there something that can be done about it? Stents in your heart? They have come a long way with treating heart problems.

As for having kids… it’s really a young woman’s game. They mostly grow up to act like the degenerates on this website act. Silence the truth and free speech of intelligence, but hey … “let’s knock her looks. Think… some of these people are fathers and look at what they set themselves as examples of. No wonder we have a bullying problem in society. Count it as a blessing in disguise that you never had children and never tied yourself down with one of these “men”.

Yep I’m on a treatment plan for my heart and life has changed.

I was just doing so well and things just hit a brick wall.

Lol at the men’s.

I’ve had my fair share of problems.

I just don’t relate to well.

I go to my ob/gyn appointments and see the mommy n me classes being offered and I wonder what it would be like.

Posted by Polyannanana
Although being a parent can be great, it doesn't mean you will be happy forever once you become a parent.

Also remember there are so many examples of unhappy families, parents, children. So you can be happy whether you have kids or not. It's about what you do with your own life.

Examples of celeb couples or ladies that decided not to have kids and are happy 😛

Alison brie(42) and dave franco- they are happy with their cats, saying kids would have been too much responsibility

Leslie bibb (51) and sam rockwell- never had kids because they thought it was very stressful not knowing what will happen to your kids, you don't know if they will be happy, so it can be very stressful being a parent

Kylie minogue

Dolly parton

Good points.

I also reflect if I really experienced LOVE.

So maybe it’s that more so than kids.

Like have I ever been loved? Have I ever really loved someone? Have I ever been IN love?

What is LOVE? What does it feel like, taste like, see like, touch like, sound like?

Posted by DMV

Posted by SassyKiwi
I’m still amidst my Saturn return so there’s been a lot of reflection for me too. I went the route of obtaining that white picket fence life with children. I’m still trying to figure out if I did it for myself or if I let society condition me into believing this is what I’m good with. Pretty sure it’s a mix of both like most. Parenthood has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. I constantly question if I made a mistake since things feel more difficult for me than others. My grandparents and great grandparents had like 10+ kids with barely any modern advances and here I am drowning with ONE. Like am I broken? I try to give myself lots of grace and avoid is the grass really greener on the other side kind of thoughts. I often come to the conclusion no matter what other route I’d have taken, there’s pros and cons to all of them and I couldn’t do many of them simultaneously.

I’ve also been trying to prioritize my well being. Taking preventative health measures very seriously. I feel like I’m too young for a lot of the problems I’ve discovered I have but I also see others my age experiencing the same things except being blatantly in denial about it. Like if they don’t tell the doctor and they don’t document it, it simply doesn’t exist for them. I’m proud of myself for being proactive instead of reactive. Have you not been getting regular blood work done and seeing specialists when necessary for the past decade? A person’s health is their #1 asset. I believe most things can be preventable if you try to be proactive.

Yeah I had been diagnosed with anemia due to heavy periods annd fibroids and started on a treatment plan after an emergency er visit for a blood transfusion.

The treatment plan was working till I developed blood clots while traveling and sent me to the er less than 10 months later with heart failure.

the last 10 months have been a whirlwind.

click to expand

Omg I’m so sorry that’s so horrible ☹️ Ugh freaking blood clots. By chance have you ever taken birth control pills long term or took the depo shot? Usage of those have also been linked to blot clots/tumors. I also hear about some women getting embolisms after child birth… This is one of those things beyond our control but I feel like it’s definitely linked to things like I mentioned above that must increase our chances of getting them.

Wow. 😮 I’m so sorry to hear this. Please take care of yourself the best you can. Prioritize yourself and your self care. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Definitely sending positive vibes! Just please follow the treatment plan they have you on and prioritize yourself and your self care.

Think about it… some of these “men” are very immature and act worse than children. LOL!!

Posted by DMV

Posted by Polyannanana
Although being a parent can be great, it doesn't mean you will be happy forever once you become a parent.

Also remember there are so many examples of unhappy families, parents, children. So you can be happy whether you have kids or not. It's about what you do with your own life.

Examples of celeb couples or ladies that decided not to have kids and are happy 😛

Alison brie(42) and dave franco- they are happy with their cats, saying kids would have been too much responsibility

Leslie bibb (51) and sam rockwell- never had kids because they thought it was very stressful not knowing what will happen to your kids, you don't know if they will be happy, so it can be very stressful being a parent

Kylie minogue

Dolly parton

Good points.

I also reflect if I really experienced LOVE.

So maybe it’s that more so than kids.

Like have I ever been loved? Have I ever really loved someone? Have I ever been IN love?

What is LOVE? What does it feel like, taste like, see like, touch like, sound like?

click to expand

It's just a game of probability and luck I believe.

Some people are luckier and they really have that love and respectful marriage or relationship that last a lifetime. But statistics show half of marriages fail. Love has become or maybe always was a quite superficial and temperory thing.

I only had 1 relationship where I felt a more innocent, loyal kind of love but even that relationship had soo many ups and downs, it was far from perfect.

I also still cherish the moments of passion, or little gestures from lovers I had.

Homestly life is actually so hard, it's not what is portrayed in rom coms lol. So anyone who is a survivor and also took chances in love, was able to have moments of passion deserves a medal and is lucky 😂

So sorry you are dealing with these health issues. I can’t even imagine how scary that must be. I hope all turns out well for you.

As for the reflection and mother bit….I’ve had those same reflections and wonder what if? Always wanted children, but for whatever reason it just never happened for me. I now work with children full time and question if I could even handle motherhood? Kids are a blessing, but they come with their own challenges. I have learned that it takes strong women to be mothers which that is something I definitely lack. I would not be able to handle being a mom. I am glad I figured that out instead of living with regret. But yeah, reflection sucks sometimes…..especially when your life didn’t turn out how you expected it to or wanted it to.

Oh and fyi….I am in no way suggesting you could not handle being a mom. I was only speaking of myself and how knowing that has eased the pain and longing a little for me.

Posted by xyzabc
So sorry you are dealing with these health issues. I can’t even imagine how scary that must be. I hope all turns out well for you.

As for the reflection and mother bit….I’ve had those same reflections and wonder what if? Always wanted children, but for whatever reason it just never happened for me. I now work with children full time and question if I could even handle motherhood? Kids are a blessing, but they come with their own challenges. I have learned that it takes strong women to be mothers which that is something I definitely lack. I would not be able to handle being a mom. I am glad I figured that out instead of living with regret. But yeah, reflection sucks sometimes…..especially when your life didn’t turn out how you expected it to or wanted it to.

Oh and fyi….I am in no way suggesting you could not handle being a mom. I was only speaking of myself and how knowing that has eased the pain and longing a little for me.

Yes I’ve had so much rest that I do a lot of reflection.

Writing and being honest on dxp has helped me turn a corner tho.

I’ve decided to use the downtime and learn a new language.

Instead of letting my thoughts run away to unsettled places

I can’t change the past but living is the ability to keep making choices.

I’ve cried a lot in the past couple of weeks and honestly no one is coming to save me. I just gotta take it day by day and keep making choices

Posted by DMV
Well life be lifing and it has caused me to go into a major phase of reflection.

As I stare down my inevitable hysterectomy in 6 months I am saddened that I’ve run out of time to have kids.

I also suffered major heart failure that has changed my life.

I am so proud of the risks that I have taken and wish I could have taken more.

I never thought for a moment I would be where I am now but I’m here ready to chart new courses.

It’s scary out here and my faith keeps me going.

I said a prayer to the black madonna of Dublin.. Our lady of Dublin. That you would become a mother in the best way she can. xx

I also said a prayer that she would make you healthy.

She is one of the Black Madonnas around Europe. She protects Dublin. She is very loving and powerful.

https://www.interfaithmary.net/black-madonna-index/dublin

It takes a lot of strength to face everything you're going through with such honesty. Wishing you continued courage and peace as you move forward. You're not alone.

I’m so sorry to hear this. On the kids, I know that it can be sad & difficult to face for those unable able to have kids. The people I know in that situation tend to find other things they enjoy or have passion for to pour into. It is an opportunity to put your effort into helping people, or in projects you wouldn’t have time for if you had kids. The thing is to use your Sag positiveness and do something you’ve always wanted to do. The heart failure, oh boy that’s horrible. But again, as my father told me when he was towards the end of life, do as much as you possibly can. That’s what I do. He had an amazing outlook and it was amazing to watch. It taught me so much. You can definitely make an amazing life still, it’s just about your outlook, and keep on trying.

Big hugs!!