the fukkking nerve

So for my birthday last year, my aries "friend" called me on my birthday and we chit chatted while I was on a train outta town. My virgo friend actually got me a gift, a good one. She did me right but I was kinda hurt that the aries only called me. I felt snubbed, but whatever. I just told myself that I guess thats all youll be getting for your birthday from here on out. Obviously, I aint worth the time and effort.

today, I get this long long ass email for all the things she wants to do for her bday. The fukking nerve. Im thinking, has it even dawned on you that you did jackshit for my bday? She even stated in her email that she wanted her best of friends there with her. Man puh lease.

I just dont get her methodology. She has higher than higher expectations of people but its not a 2 way street. How can you ask and expect more of people when you yourself give the bare minimum.

I still havent responded and im trying to figure out how to gracefully yet honestly decline.

What is the nicest way to say fuck off, you got me a phone call, so heres your phone call right back.

If this was some ho off the street, I wouldnt care. But for, someone who claims to be my friend, I expect more and am holding you to a higher standard.

Idk I always remember friend's birthdays and make time to celebrate with them and/or do something special for them.....yet I can't remember the last time one of my friends (besides my bf and family) did anything for my birthday.

Expectations are such a bitch. I used to get upset about it...but now I just expect them to forget or be too busy

It's totally your perogative to blow off her bday plans of course...I just think you shouldn't let it bother you.

I know it's nearly impossible not to, but holding people to your own personal expectations will almost always result in frustration and disappointment.

Posted by brianafay
It's totally your perogative to blow off her bday plans of course...I just think you shouldn't let it bother you.

I know it's nearly impossible not to, but holding people to your own personal expectations will almost always result in frustration and disappointment.

I will definitely be replying no, but I also want to be honest about why.

Yeah I would probably just make other plans, then I'm being honest when I say that's why I can't make it.

& when she pitches a fit about it I'd probably say something really bitchy like "my bad, that's right? Cause you did something for me on my birthday"


(I don't recommend this btw it's a little passive aggressive lol)

Why don't you be graceful and do what ever you really can for her birthday for now, then take a leaf out of her book and next year, send her an email or a text outlining your own plans for your birthday and any expectations you might have?
If she's not shy about asking for what she wants in advance- she probably thinks that you would have done likewise to her if you had wanted something for your own birthday?
So that means next year you can do the same without feeling self concious...?
🙂

Posted by Rambunctious76
I never bother to make time for people who don't bother to make time for me. *shrugs*

+1

She is (pro-actively) asking for the goodness.
You hoped for the goodness.


Last time I was mad at my sister for she disappointed me, I had to half my anger. Because maybe she just did what she did cause she was not told by me what to do. She had to guess what would be the nice choice. And decided for the option I disliked later. Old story of who's fault.


If I were you and had to decide:
1. Is it her 30th, 35th, 40th, 45th? I give her what she wants.
2. Otherwise I wait. And see what my gut feelings say.

oh no more time needed. I declined and told her id be calling her on that day.

gtfoh

She was totally different in previous years. Totally.

Posted by wagtail
Why don't you be graceful and do what ever you really can for her birthday for now, then take a leaf out of her book and next year, send her an email or a text outlining your own plans for your birthday and any expectations you might have?
If she's not shy about asking for what she wants in advance- she probably thinks that you would have done likewise to her if you had wanted something for your own birthday?
So that means next year you can do the same without feeling self concious...?
🙂

This is probably the best answer.


But could just tell her you'll be sure to call, and leave it at that.

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

😐



I wish you'd quit doing that.

Posted by AriesLady8
You shouldn't throw away a friendship over something that can be resolved with a conversation. The greatest distance between two people is a misunderstanding. If she's been a better friend in the past there has to be an explanation.

umm what did you read? I never wrote about ending a friendship. I just wrote I aint doing jack squat for her birthday.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by wagtail
Why don't you be graceful and do what ever you really can for her birthday for now, then take a leaf out of her book and next year, send her an email or a text outlining your own plans for your birthday and any expectations you might have?
If she's not shy about asking for what she wants in advance- she probably thinks that you would have done likewise to her if you had wanted something for your own birthday?
So that means next year you can do the same without feeling self concious...?
🙂

This is probably the best answer.


But could just tell her you'll be sure to call, and leave it at that.

click to expand

yeah I already said that.

Posted by Montgomery

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

😐



I wish you'd quit doing that.

click to expand

That's my other me who does hide my posts. She thinks all things have been said already somewhere, why contaminating the environment. And when she goes to sleep, I undo the hide. Like I did it again. For you. :-)