Hiring Help (pros or cons) discussion

I’ve had a cleaner now for maybe two years. It’s kind of become a bit a hassle to deal with my cleaners life?? Lol and I don’t know anyone who hires people, that is going through this. People I know who hire people to do domestic work are kind of ruthless, they fire people quickly for almost any reason.

I know of a few families that go through caregivers extremely quickly and it just doesn’t vibe with me.

My cleaner is an alcoholic and I figured that out within a few months of her cleaning because alcohol bottles in the bar were being finished lol and we don’t drink (often). I’ve been sober for a long time prior to getting pregnant and the Virgo doesn’t drink because he just doesn’t like alcohol. This is something she’s aware of and it seems like she’s taking advantage of that.

Pros: she’s someone that seems to really look out for us and thinks ahead of time on projects and really knows what needs to be done.

Con: she drinks on the job, takes frequent smoke breaks, invites people over with her on the job, doesn’t show up for weeks at a time and often asked for advances for weeks in advance.



I really appreciate help around the house. I’m a little bit of a clean freak and I do a lot of cleaning myself but the Virgo has become less and less inclined to really see the importance of projects around the house. I’m in a nesting phase and I’m just constantly thinking of multiple things that need to be organized.

In order to keep sanity I think I need to keep her on to make sure I complete things around the house. She motivates me a lot as well to organize things.

- we have two households of stuff that we’ve been purging for a while now and getting in order. It’s a lot to handle and the Virgo isn’t inclined to help in this department.



Does anyone here hire help around the house and if so, are you tolerant of their life style or issues they have in their lives?

I just want to be clear I don’t have plans to let her go, although the Virgo doesn’t want her working for us anymore. It is stressful to deal with her life style sometimes but I just keep going back to the fact that she’s a good person who’s going through a horrible time in her life.

Have y’all experienced anything positive or negative from hiring help domestically?

What advice would you give, given her situation? Do you think it’s worth having a talk with her about my feelings and thoughts or should I just continue to let this ride out?

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

our last cleaner was an old leo woman but her hand got bitten by one of our dogs

also it gets difficult when they get into romantic relationships sometimes

Posted by nikkistar

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

Yeah I’ve been told the same by friends. I originally hired her through a service and she was just so personable and really down to earth and hilarious that when they let her go, I hired her privately.

We had a few good weeks of work before the signs started appearing that she’s battling alcoholism, which she also admitted to us very openly.

We’ve helped her with her rent, paid her in advance many times and we’ve helped her with her car.

I kind of feel like it’s become too personal at this point and I’m trying to figure out what to do or how to talk to her about this.

Posted by virgoOPPP

our last cleaner was an old leo woman but her hand got bitten by one of our dogs

also it gets difficult when they get into romantic relationships sometimes

Yeah about the romantic relationship part. That’s actually why she doesn’t show up sometimes. She’s been in an out of one bad situation to the next and it’s usually about her love life or financial struggles.

But she’s really honest about what’s going on and I appreciate that.

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

Yeah I’ve been told the same by friends. I originally hired her through a service and she was just so personable and really down to earth and hilarious that when they let her go, I hired her privately.

We had a few good weeks of work before the signs started appearing that she’s battling alcoholism, which she also admitted to us very openly.

We’ve helped her with her rent, paid her in advance many times and we’ve helped her with her car.

I kind of feel like it’s become too personal at this point and I’m trying to figure out what to do or how to talk to her about this.

click to expand

Dude. She's hired help. Stop trying to save her. lol

Posted by Romz-

Posted by virgoOPPP

our last cleaner was an old leo woman but her hand got bitten by one of our dogs

also it gets difficult when they get into romantic relationships sometimes

Yeah about the romantic relationship part. That’s actually why she doesn’t show up sometimes. She’s been in an out of one bad situation to the next and it’s usually about her love life or financial struggles.

But she’s really honest about what’s going on and I appreciate that.

click to expand

what sign is she?

leos are very honest about their lives i've noticed

we've had efficient, quiet virgo help BUT they disappear on work either with barely last minute heads up or just radio silence

my capricorn boyfriend's been trying to get rid of my virgo driver coz he says it's too costly but it's best to stick to people whose been with you a long time so i'm reluctant to let go

plus i'll never make it to work on time without him

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

Yeah I’ve been told the same by friends. I originally hired her through a service and she was just so personable and really down to earth and hilarious that when they let her go, I hired her privately.

We had a few good weeks of work before the signs started appearing that she’s battling alcoholism, which she also admitted to us very openly.

We’ve helped her with her rent, paid her in advance many times and we’ve helped her with her car.

I kind of feel like it’s become too personal at this point and I’m trying to figure out what to do or how to talk to her about this.

Dude. She's hired help. Stop trying to save her. lol

click to expand

I don’t want to save her 😂 (little bit)

I just don’t want to be the last thing between her and some normalcy in her life, abandon her when she’s down.

There’s gotta be a way to deal with this openly with her and respect boundaries again? 🥵

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by Romz-

Posted by virgoOPPP

our last cleaner was an old leo woman but her hand got bitten by one of our dogs

also it gets difficult when they get into romantic relationships sometimes

Yeah about the romantic relationship part. That’s actually why she doesn’t show up sometimes. She’s been in an out of one bad situation to the next and it’s usually about her love life or financial struggles.

But she’s really honest about what’s going on and I appreciate that.

what sign is she?

leos are very honest about their lives i've noticed

we've had efficient, quiet virgo help BUT they disappear on work either with barely last minute heads up or just radio silence

my capricorn boyfriend's been trying to get rid of my virgo driver coz he says it's too costly but it's best to stick to people whose been with you a long time so i'm reluctant to let go

plus i'll never make it to work on time without him

click to expand

She’s a Libra and she’s loyal...which is what I appreciate about her.

I don’t vibe with Libra people easily but she’s the exception. I just know deep down that she is truly trying to change her life and I see glimpses of that improvement but she quickly spirals down again.

I’m with you, once I’ve had someone for a long time it’s hard to let go. I want to stick with her because of that but the Virgo is constantly harping at me when she doesn’t show up and gets really frustrated by her inconsistency.

What would you do?

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

Yeah I’ve been told the same by friends. I originally hired her through a service and she was just so personable and really down to earth and hilarious that when they let her go, I hired her privately.

We had a few good weeks of work before the signs started appearing that she’s battling alcoholism, which she also admitted to us very openly.

We’ve helped her with her rent, paid her in advance many times and we’ve helped her with her car.

I kind of feel like it’s become too personal at this point and I’m trying to figure out what to do or how to talk to her about this.

Dude. She's hired help. Stop trying to save her. lol

I don’t want to save her 😂 (little bit)

I just don’t want to be the last thing between her and some normalcy in her life, abandon her when she’s down.

There’s gotta be a way to deal with this openly with her and respect boundaries again? 🥵

click to expand

Let's go through this checklist.

1) She is unreliable - Doesn't show up for weeks

2) She is a thief - Drinks your alcohol

3) She's an alcoholic

4) She isn't your family

5) She doesn't pay your bills

6) She's hired HELP (Keyword help, therefore you are paying for services to help YOU, not her)

You want that around your kid?

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

Yeah I’ve been told the same by friends. I originally hired her through a service and she was just so personable and really down to earth and hilarious that when they let her go, I hired her privately.

We had a few good weeks of work before the signs started appearing that she’s battling alcoholism, which she also admitted to us very openly.

We’ve helped her with her rent, paid her in advance many times and we’ve helped her with her car.

I kind of feel like it’s become too personal at this point and I’m trying to figure out what to do or how to talk to her about this.

Dude. She's hired help. Stop trying to save her. lol

I don’t want to save her 😂 (little bit)

I just don’t want to be the last thing between her and some normalcy in her life, abandon her when she’s down.

There’s gotta be a way to deal with this openly with her and respect boundaries again? 🥵

Let's go through this checklist.

1) She is unreliable - Doesn't show up for weeks

2) She is a thief - Drinks your alcohol

3) She's an alcoholic

4) She isn't your family

5) She doesn't pay your bills

6) She's hired HELP (Keyword help, therefore you are paying for services to help YOU, not her)

click to expand

Man... that checklist hit hard 😞

I gotta think about that for a bit. I really don’t want to face the reality of this I think?

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

Yeah I’ve been told the same by friends. I originally hired her through a service and she was just so personable and really down to earth and hilarious that when they let her go, I hired her privately.

We had a few good weeks of work before the signs started appearing that she’s battling alcoholism, which she also admitted to us very openly.

We’ve helped her with her rent, paid her in advance many times and we’ve helped her with her car.

I kind of feel like it’s become too personal at this point and I’m trying to figure out what to do or how to talk to her about this.

Dude. She's hired help. Stop trying to save her. lol

I don’t want to save her 😂 (little bit)

I just don’t want to be the last thing between her and some normalcy in her life, abandon her when she’s down.

There’s gotta be a way to deal with this openly with her and respect boundaries again? 🥵

Let's go through this checklist.

1) She is unreliable - Doesn't show up for weeks

2) She is a thief - Drinks your alcohol

3) She's an alcoholic

4) She isn't your family

5) She doesn't pay your bills

6) She's hired HELP (Keyword help, therefore you are paying for services to help YOU, not her)

Man... that checklist hit hard 😞

I gotta think about that for a bit. I really don’t want to face the reality of this I think?

click to expand

You just have preggo feels. So you are now more sentimental and empathetic.

Remember, I don't have empathy. So the moment someone I hire becomes more of a burden, then you gotta go.

I am not paying you to save your life, or make you a better person. You pay a therapist for that.

Wow how are you allowing someone to steal from you and disrespect your home by having strangers over? And you pay this person, smh.

“It’s become a hassle to deal with my cleaners life”

You only have yourself to blame for that. You stuck your neck straight into that hassle when you got involved with helping her with her rent and car. What you are doing here is effectively ENABLING this person to take advantage of you.

First off install a nanny cam so you can catch her in the act of drinking your alcohol and track who comes and goes from your house (I’d suggest Ring for the front door).

Then fire her. And show her the footage so she understand the why.

Put your bleeding heart aside and your urge to be seen as a benevolent person aside. You have a child now, no?

With this woman bringing strangers into your home you really think it’s worth it to potentially expose your child to harm?

And for the record I hire 2 cleaning ladies to clean my office (not a franchise) and a 3rd to clean my windows and baseboards at home monthly cause I hate that shit.

An no, I’ve never had any issues with professionalism, theft, etc.

Perhaps because I set strong boundaries. Or maybe they are just decent people and not users.

Posted by Sailor_Mars

I would have a talk with her and explain to her what my concerns are. I would never let her go.

I feel this. Sit her down and have an open discussion with your virgo and let it all out. You never know... maybe it could save her.

But also, make sure you bring up her thieving ways. That the alcohol goes missing etc... I bet after you bring it to your attention that you know she won't do it again.

An alcoholic thief in your house and you’re going to have this woman around your precious baby? 😐

Posted by LadyNeptune

Wow how are you allowing someone to steal from you and disrespect your home by having strangers over? And you pay this person, smh.

“It’s become a hassle to deal with my cleaners life”

You only have yourself to blame for that. You stuck your neck straight into that hassle when you got involved with helping her with her rent and car. What you are doing here is effectively ENABLING this person to take advantage of you.

First off install a nanny cam so you can catch her in the act of drinking your alcohol and track who comes and goes from your house (I’d suggest Ring for the front door).

Then fire her. And show her the footage so she understand the why.

Put your bleeding heart aside and your urge to be seen as a benevolent person aside. You have a child now, no?

With this woman bringing strangers into your home you really think it’s worth it to potentially expose your child to harm?

And for the record I hire 2 cleaning ladies to clean my office (not a franchise) and a 3rd to clean my windows and baseboards at home monthly cause I hate that shit.

An no, I’ve never had any issues with professionalism, theft, etc.

Perhaps because I set strong boundaries. Or maybe they are just decent people and not users.

I’m not actually upset about her drinking the alcohol. Cleaners in my opinion do a lot of things people are not aware of...she openly admitted this to us and I did address this with her and it didn’t stop.

Boundaries were definitely crossed many times and I think I’m to blame on that one. I allowed her to kind of encroach on our lives in many ways and become too personable and connected to our week but imo I think it’s important to treat people who work with you humanely. There’s a fine line for that though and I think I lost the ability to keep that boundary with her and I’m not sure I can regain that distance back.

I know this situation isn’t ideal. When I started this convo I really had no intention of letting her go, there was a lot of confidence in my ideal that I could find a solution that would keep someone we know on and establish boundaries but...

At this point I have to think about our baby (I’m pregnant right now) and make sure we’ve got a healthy environment.

Thanks for the advice. Nikkis and you and others made good points.

Also, we do have indoor and outdoor cameras and we’re pretty aware she’s not taking this gig seriously although she depends on the money and that’s a part that really is a bit worrying because this is literally going to mean her not being able to afford living.

I’m going to talk to the Virgo about giving her a severance and ending the contract. Well give her a good recommendation and just end if there.

Posted by Solaristic

Posted by Sailor_Mars

I would have a talk with her and explain to her what my concerns are. I would never let her go.

I feel this. Sit her down and have an open discussion with your virgo and let it all out. You never know... maybe it could save her.

But also, make sure you bring up her thieving ways. That the alcohol goes missing etc... I bet after you bring it to your attention that you know she won't do it again.

click to expand

Thanks!

We brought up the alcohol a while ago and she admitted that she’s an alcoholic and we talked about it in length with her then. It continued.

I’ve thought about it while folding some laundry and I’m going to talk to the Virgo about handing her a severance and letting her go. This way she has some money to get by and she can find a new main job.

Posted by Romz-

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by Romz-

Posted by virgoOPPP

our last cleaner was an old leo woman but her hand got bitten by one of our dogs

also it gets difficult when they get into romantic relationships sometimes

Yeah about the romantic relationship part. That’s actually why she doesn’t show up sometimes. She’s been in an out of one bad situation to the next and it’s usually about her love life or financial struggles.

But she’s really honest about what’s going on and I appreciate that.

what sign is she?

leos are very honest about their lives i've noticed

we've had efficient, quiet virgo help BUT they disappear on work either with barely last minute heads up or just radio silence

my capricorn boyfriend's been trying to get rid of my virgo driver coz he says it's too costly but it's best to stick to people whose been with you a long time so i'm reluctant to let go

plus i'll never make it to work on time without him

She’s a Libra and she’s loyal...which is what I appreciate about her.

I don’t vibe with Libra people easily but she’s the exception. I just know deep down that she is truly trying to change her life and I see glimpses of that improvement but she quickly spirals down again.

I’m with you, once I’ve had someone for a long time it’s hard to let go. I want to stick with her because of that but the Virgo is constantly harping at me when she doesn’t show up and gets really frustrated by her inconsistency.

What would you do?

click to expand

i'd want to keep her around as much as I can but if I really had to let her go, I'd make sure she'd be in a good place. there are some abusive households so it's best to refer her to a relative or a good friend.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Romz-

Posted by nikkistar

This is exactly why I use "franchise" maid services.

Yeah I’ve been told the same by friends. I originally hired her through a service and she was just so personable and really down to earth and hilarious that when they let her go, I hired her privately.

We had a few good weeks of work before the signs started appearing that she’s battling alcoholism, which she also admitted to us very openly.

We’ve helped her with her rent, paid her in advance many times and we’ve helped her with her car.

I kind of feel like it’s become too personal at this point and I’m trying to figure out what to do or how to talk to her about this.

Dude. She's hired help. Stop trying to save her. lol

I don’t want to save her 😂 (little bit)

I just don’t want to be the last thing between her and some normalcy in her life, abandon her when she’s down.

There’s gotta be a way to deal with this openly with her and respect boundaries again? 🥵

Let's go through this checklist.

1) She is unreliable - Doesn't show up for weeks

2) She is a thief - Drinks your alcohol

3) She's an alcoholic

4) She isn't your family

5) She doesn't pay your bills

6) She's hired HELP (Keyword help, therefore you are paying for services to help YOU, not her)

Man... that checklist hit hard 😞

I gotta think about that for a bit. I really don’t want to face the reality of this I think?

You just have preggo feels. So you are now more sentimental and empathetic.

Remember, I don't have empathy. So the moment someone I hire becomes more of a burden, then you gotta go.

I am not paying you to save your life, or make you a better person. You pay a therapist for that.

click to expand

I’m not sure if it’s preggo emotions or brain but I do feel attached but in a way that’s not like emotional. I feel like not many nice things happen to her and I don’t want to ruin her hope that things will improve for her.

Lol 😂 I’ve actually withheld information from my therapist and the Virgo about things she’s done and taken 😩 lol 😂 wtf?!

Anyway I’m taking yours and others advice. I’m going to let her go but I’m going to negotiate with the Virgo about giving her a severance.

Posted by Romz-

Posted by LadyNeptune

Wow how are you allowing someone to steal from you and disrespect your home by having strangers over? And you pay this person, smh.

“It’s become a hassle to deal with my cleaners life”

You only have yourself to blame for that. You stuck your neck straight into that hassle when you got involved with helping her with her rent and car. What you are doing here is effectively ENABLING this person to take advantage of you.

First off install a nanny cam so you can catch her in the act of drinking your alcohol and track who comes and goes from your house (I’d suggest Ring for the front door).

Then fire her. And show her the footage so she understand the why.

Put your bleeding heart aside and your urge to be seen as a benevolent person aside. You have a child now, no?

With this woman bringing strangers into your home you really think it’s worth it to potentially expose your child to harm?

And for the record I hire 2 cleaning ladies to clean my office (not a franchise) and a 3rd to clean my windows and baseboards at home monthly cause I hate that shit.

An no, I’ve never had any issues with professionalism, theft, etc.

Perhaps because I set strong boundaries. Or maybe they are just decent people and not users.

I’m not actually upset about her drinking the alcohol. Cleaners in my opinion do a lot of things people are not aware of...she openly admitted this to us and I did address this with her and it didn’t stop.

Boundaries were definitely crossed many times and I think I’m to blame on that one. I allowed her to kind of encroach on our lives in many ways and become too personable and connected to our week but imo I think it’s important to treat people who work with you humanely. There’s a fine line for that though and I think I lost the ability to keep that boundary with her and I’m not sure I can regain that distance back.

I know this situation isn’t ideal. When I started this convo I really had no intention of letting her go, there was a lot of confidence in my ideal that I could find a solution that would keep someone we know on and establish boundaries but...

At this point I have to think about our baby (I’m pregnant right now) and make sure we’ve got a healthy environment.

Thanks for the advice. Nikkis and you and others made good points.

Also, we do have indoor and outdoor cameras and we’re pretty aware she’s not taking this gig seriously although she depends on the money and that’s a part that really is a bit worrying because this is literally going to mean her not being able to afford living.

I’m going to talk to the Virgo about giving her a severance and ending the contract. Well give her a good recommendation and just end if there.

click to expand

Being humane is a different story then enabling an alcoholic with their drug of choice. She hasn’t hit rock bottom cause she’s got you guys to help her with rent and her car when she drinks away her income. You can’t help a drug addict in this way.

Either way if your Virgo wants her gone it’s pointless to resist and cause issues to your relationship. If you want to be kind give her a month severance pay when you let her go, that’s a good idea. And much more than most would do in this situation.

Idk about the reference though 😐

Posted by sagaciouscorp

Posted by Romz-

Posted by Solaristic

Posted by Sailor_Mars

I would have a talk with her and explain to her what my concerns are. I would never let her go.

I feel this. Sit her down and have an open discussion with your virgo and let it all out. You never know... maybe it could save her.

But also, make sure you bring up her thieving ways. That the alcohol goes missing etc... I bet after you bring it to your attention that you know she won't do it again.

Thanks!

We brought up the alcohol a while ago and she admitted that she’s an alcoholic and we talked about it in length with her then. It continued.

I’ve thought about it while folding some laundry and I’m going to talk to the Virgo about handing her a severance and letting her go. This way she has some money to get by and she can find a new main job.

Severance? Why ? Never heard of such a thing for house cleaner

click to expand

If she’s under the impression that she has a solid two day a week job, I’d have to offer her a severance to cancel the next month.

It makes sense to offer that, it’s the decent thing to do.