Controlling - normal or too much?

We have been together for a year and a half and were classmates for 4 years in college (just graduated). I was never on Instagram until we graudated as my classmates requested me. Now he panicked when I joined Insta. He has been ordering me to unfollow 2 of our classmates (1 of whom is our mutual good friend).Let's call the mutual good friend as AJ and the other one as Adam.

So once we had our grades out and I had topped the university, he threw tantrums and insulted my scores in front of AJ and 2 more of our friends in our then friend circle on our whatsapp group. He said I didn't deserve my score. I was kinda irritated so I chatted with AJ describing how he didn't even open his mouth during an important presentation and yet he got an A+ which he didnt deserve and yet he's the one pointing out to me. AJ didn't really tease back much. It was just an exchange of 4-5 messages in one of them AJ said "grades dont matter that much". 2 weeks later my virguy read our chat when he called me over to his place for 4 days. OF course, the after-effects were traumatizing where I cried to him and apologized and pleaded and begged and he asked me to get out of his house until he saw I was choking really bad. It's been 5 months since that incident. He had asked me to cut off my friendship with AJ.

I was leaving abroad for my Master's degree this August end so I was meeting up with all my friends and so I met AJ along with our mutual female friend(not alone but the 3 of us). When my virguy came to know about it, he got even more mad and he ended up meeting this girl I've had major problems with because she hits on him,behaves like his girlfriend ,sends him questionable texts, used to tell him to comment cheap flirty comments on her insta pics until I found out and he stopped commenting but the chatting continued .I literally caught them together sitting inside a cab sitting real close and taking selfies and they went to a mall. I have been asking him to block her since 10 months. He knew I was emotionally traumatized with the kind of msgs she would send him and the frequency of chats and yet he cheated on me like this. They didn't "do" anything they met in a public place but he knew I'd take that as cheating. When I confronted him later, he said he did it because he wanted to hurt me as much as I hurt him by meeting AJ despite him asking me to break our friendship.

Coming to Alex. During a group debate, my virguy was sitting next to me and I tend to carefully observe when a person speaks. Alex has this cool good-looking guy image in college and he is kinda fond of me as a friend so I did observe that he tends to look at me when he speaks to the class. My virguy is extremely insecure about him.I was looking at him just as I was looking at anyone talking in the debate. MY virguy accused that I was staring at Alex and when he looked at me I looked at him and BLUSHED. LIKE WTF!!! I swear I didn't. I may have smiled though but I am like that with everyone-guys and girls. So my virguy has been ordering me to unfollow Alex on Insta too.

This has been going on for months.

I dont speak to Alex. We were just normal basic friends during college. AJ and I also haven't spoken for months lately as we are busy in our lives. Both these guys know about our relationship and have always respected our relationship,whereas, this girl knows we are together but still behaved like she's his gf and he allowed her to do so.

He and I have had countless fights over this. It was his birthday in Sep and he asked me to block Alex and AJ as his bday gift but I didnt. The reason why I didn't is because if I do, he'll feel encouraged to control all my social interactions.

He fought with me again 2 weekends ago and said that he has brokenup with me because I still haven't unfollowed them.

What do ya'll think about this? Do you think what he's doing is reasonable? And if not, then how can I make him understand what he's doing is irrational and unacceptable?

Smh. Don’t give in to this nonsense. He’s insecure af.

Toxic

Why do you tolerate being around such high levels of stupidity, toxicity and immaturity? It's YOU who needs to go do some inner reflection

sounds like ya'll are a bunch of kids on the playground

OP i've always said this but you need to break up with that guy

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

Posted by Gobby

My eyes want to commit suicide and I haven't even read a third of the OP...

I left after He ordered her to do something about Adam and AJ...

Then I saw she is getting for masters degree...God bless us all 🤦‍♀️

Posted by SassyKiwi

Why do you tolerate being around such high levels of stupidity, toxicity and immaturity? It's YOU who needs to go do some inner reflection

I rather watch Sailor eating Dazed show...let’s go...

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

Thank you for your replies people. Some kind, some unkind. But whatever.

I know it all sounds immature. I understand it all. Which is exactly why I am fed up of these immature petty fights surrounding my friendship with AJ and me following Alex and AJ on Insta.

The reason why I still haven't brokenup is because of this faith that maybe it is the way it is right because he's immature. I have seen my bestfriend's relationship progress with time. The 1st 2 years were just like this full of petty fights and then gradually with time both of them matured as a couple and the bond strengthened and they have been together for over 6 years now and intend to marry in 2 years. Call me crazy but this is the only sole reason why I haven't had him off the hook yet. Some part of me feels or rather prays that he too would mature with time and we'd mature as a couple if only I hold onto some more patience and only so I know how to handle his immaturity.

Also I know that virgo's place a lot of importance to the duration of a relationship. It's been 1.5years since we have been together. It's nothing much for him.

So my main question is concerning how to handle a stubborn immature controlling virgo. I know he is absolutely shocked and hating the fact that I am not bowing down to his anger and unfollowing them yet. I have always thrown myself away like a doormat to him and he knows I love him just way too much so I know he's shocked to see me not give in.

I am certain he is an unevolved immature virgo. He is stubborn as hell and if things don't go his way he fires up. He will manipulate,lie and do whatever it takes to make you do what he wants.

He called me a whore for still following Alex and AJ and that crossed the line for me. He called me that because he knows it will hurt my self respect and that will provoke me to unfollow them.

When I told him that he said something which one can't and shouldn't say it to any girl,he said my actions dont make him regret abusing me throwing out such words at me. Which of my actions? Still following Alex and AJ on Instagram despite him telling me not to 100000 times.

Isn't there a way to make a stubborn controlling virgo see how immature he's being?

Posted by emeraldgem

@gia - "Call me crazy but this is the only sole reason why I haven't had him off the hook yet. Some part of me feels or rather prays that he too would mature with time and we'd mature as a couple if only I hold onto some more patience and only so I know how to handle his immaturity."

Ok - I'm calling you crazy. You are basing how he is going to turn out because of how OTHER people turned out. How is this even rational?

Maybe he will change and mature but maybe NOT. Wanna stick around and find out? He's the one who has YOU trained. Good luck undoing it. Stand your ground and make him change (because that always works) or go and be with someone who is already mature.

I know it's not rational basing mine with my friend's. I know. It's just the pattern and how similar it has been. Maybe I am emotionally impractical. I am too much into believing in love and its energy and the tremedous power it has.

I am a pisces. It's usually really tough for us to just let go. We tend to hold onto the person even if we have 0.00..1% hope.

He did cross my threshold by name calling me and he knows that.

Also, I completely agree with you that he's the one who has me trained. This is what I want to turn around. We were having a good time talking and I shared my halloween pics of pumpkin carvings and out of nowhere he again brought out AJ's topic trying to make me feel guilty despite him doing worse shit to me.

I don't know why does he keep bringing it up.

"Stand your ground and make him change (because that always works)" - does that really always work? Like, with a stubborn af controlling immature virgo?

We fought 2 weekends ago where he said he's breaking up with me. Then I cried and pleaded and sent him 3 emails and he said he has broken up with me and then he called me a wh**e for following those 2 on Insta and then a week later I again emailed him pleading him to talk(that was a big bad move hate myself for doing that) and then 2 days ago he replied back again repeating that how he's mad at me that I am still following them and how he doesnt regret disrespecting me because I didn't respect his feelings despite having told me 1000 times to unfollow them. In the end he said "I am not asking you to unfollow all guys but only the ones I have a problem with because of you.If you have to choose them over me then Idgaf to a person like you. This is not my type of relationship.If im not happy nobody can stop me from breakingup and moving on "

I didnt reply him back and I don't intend to. I am 100% sure he'll email me again in a couple of days saying "giving you last chance. Will you unfollow them or you wont?"

Posted by emeraldgem

@gia - ""Stand your ground and make him change (because that always works)" - does that really always work? Like, with a stubborn af controlling immature virgo?"

NO! I said that because that NEVER works.

This is where you draw your line in the sand. If you don't face this controlling fuck down and say you will not have him dictate your choices then you deserve each other. He has you all twisted around "he said "I am not asking you to unfollow all guys but only the ones I have a problem with because of you.If you have to choose them over me then Idgaf to a person like you" No - you are not choosing them over him, he is choosing to walk away from a situation he can't control. And you know what? LET HIM GO. Why on earth are you tolerating this? Because you hope he may change sometime in the future? Get out of your fantasyland and face reality.

Yup. It was his birthday this September and he pulled out the same argument on his bday. He told me that I have to unfollow them else I'd be ruining his special day. I stood my ground that I won't. Not because they mean too much to me but because that will encourage his toxic behaviour to control me more. He had again verbally abused me,called a wh**e again, spoke the shittiest of things to provoke me to do it but I stood my ground. Then he said "I am giving you last warning. If you dont then I am done with you forever.Either unfollow them right now or ruin my bday and break this relationship". I told him no matter what he says I won't. And then I called out on his shit and hypocrisy and I blocked him saying that I'm breaking up and 3 weeks later he begged me to talk to him and he was all nice and sweet and then 2 weeks ago this shit repeated again.

I did a big mistake by getting all emotionally vulnerable and emailing him pleading and confessing my love. I know he is shocked how come I haven't replied to his previous reply. I know he'll email me again and this time with a last warning and I'll have to stand my ground. He is angry that I am being inconsiderate of his feelings but that's really not what it is.

I guess he won't realize until he realizes that I don't fear losing him.

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

click to expand

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

click to expand

You have a crush on AJ obviously - WHAT— DAMN NO WTF!!! And you mentioning "obviously" is making me feel even more gross. I treat him like a brother to me. I really don't know why you and virguy have this utterly gross assumption. I can still imagine him saying it out of immaturity and baseless insecurity but why you?

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

click to expand

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it! - I haven't held back anything. I have given up on 2 of my bestfriends for this relationship. One male bestfriend(a virgo again) of over a decade who asked me out 6 times before and the 7th time after I got together with my virguy . I removed him from my life of my own before even my bf had to ask me to do it. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I cut off my female bestfriend of 3 yrs from college because she she said that my virguy was being touchy with her(but he said that she misinterpreted and exaggerated the story to break us up) and he forced me to break my friendship with her as he felt offended.

I have sacrificed two people who were among the closest to me and I did it because it was the right thing to do.

When I confronted my virguy about this girl he was too involved with on Insta and how emotionally disturbed I was to see her frequency of texts and the content of her msgs. He would either brush it off or not reply her at times in my presence or defend her. When I asked him to block her, he didn't. Why should I be the one to have to be rude to people by cutting them off for no real reason? The only reason why I am going to be hell stubborn this time on not unfollowing them no matter what he says/does or even if breaksup is because if i do give in to his stubborness and actually unfollow them for sych petty reason then it will further encourage him to control me and i cant let this happen ,it would end our relationship anyway. He has to get under control and realize his shit.

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

You have a crush on AJ obviously - WHAT— DAMN NO WTF!!! And you mentioning "obviously" is making me feel even more gross. I treat him like a brother to me. I really don't know why you and virguy have this utterly gross assumption. I can still imagine him saying it out of immaturity and baseless insecurity but why you?

click to expand

Ah your right I misspoke. I should have asked rather then assume.

It's the blushing description you made. In your post he was a big part of your focus writing that. Affection is there. Obviously not the romantic kind it seems lol.

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it! - I haven't held back anything. I have given up on 2 of my bestfriends for this relationship. One male bestfriend(a virgo again) of over a decade who asked me out 6 times before and the 7th time after I got together with my virguy . I removed him from my life of my own before even my bf had to ask me to do it. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I cut off my female bestfriend of 3 yrs from college because she she said that my virguy was being touchy with her(but he said that she misinterpreted and exaggerated the story to break us up) and he forced me to break my friendship with her as he felt offended.

I have sacrificed two people who were among the closest to me and I did it because it was the right thing to do.

When I confronted my virguy about this girl he was too involved with on Insta and how emotionally disturbed I was to see her frequency of texts and the content of her msgs. He would either brush it off or not reply her at times in my presence or defend her. When I asked him to block her, he didn't. Why should I be the one to have to be rude to people by cutting them off for no real reason? The only reason why I am going to be hell stubborn this time on not unfollowing them no matter what he says/does or even if breaksup is because if i do give in to his stubborness and actually unfollow them for sych petty reason then it will further encourage him to control me and i cant let this happen ,it would end our relationship anyway. He has to get under control and realize his shit.

click to expand

What I'm getting from that is your giving him a ton of slack rather then just being complacent with his behavior. And you also have drawn the line in the Sand now?

Posted by gia

We have been together for a year and a half and were classmates for 4 years in college (just graduated). I was never on Instagram until we graudated as my classmates requested me. Now he panicked when I joined Insta. He has been ordering me to unfollow 2 of our classmates (1 of whom is our mutual good friend).Let's call the mutual good friend as AJ and the other one as Adam.

A.J. sounds so douchy, I'd ask you to unfollow him too.

Posted by gia

So once we had our grades out and I had topped the university, he threw tantrums and insulted my scores in front of AJ and 2 more of our friends in our then friend circle on our whatsapp group. He said I didn't deserve my score.I was kinda irritated so I chatted with AJ describinghow he didn't even open his mouth during an important presentation and yet he got an A+ which he didnt deserve and yet he's the one pointing out to me. AJ didn't really tease back much. It was just an exchange of 4-5 messages in one of them AJ said "grades dont matter that much".

Ah see here's the problem. Instead of talking to your bf about him being a dick you're confiding to this A.J guy about your bf being a dick. I'd have a problem with that too.

If I understood everything correctly...

I dated a Virgo man years ago who was this insecure and controlling sadly he was also older than me....of course I was young and dumb and had my daughter with him.... the controlling turned into physical and all the while he was sleeping with all the female friends he’d introduce me to.....

His insecurities was because of his own guilt. I’m not into men anymore but if I was I would never ever ever date a Virgo man again!!!!

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

You have a crush on AJ obviously - WHAT— DAMN NO WTF!!! And you mentioning "obviously" is making me feel even more gross. I treat him like a brother to me. I really don't know why you and virguy have this utterly gross assumption. I can still imagine him saying it out of immaturity and baseless insecurity but why you?

Ah your right I misspoke. I should have asked rather then assume.

It's the blushing description you made. In your post he was a big part of your focus writing that. Affection is there. Obviously not the romantic kind it seems lol.

click to expand

Blushing part was for Alex,not AJ. I was just looking at him speak during a group debate and when he looked at me, I smiled. I do this for EVERYONE- guys,girls all. I dont have any such feelings for either Alex or AJ or anyone except my guy. I never had any such thing even when I was single. I can't even think about feeling for either of them that way ughh.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it! - I haven't held back anything. I have given up on 2 of my bestfriends for this relationship. One male bestfriend(a virgo again) of over a decade who asked me out 6 times before and the 7th time after I got together with my virguy . I removed him from my life of my own before even my bf had to ask me to do it. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I cut off my female bestfriend of 3 yrs from college because she she said that my virguy was being touchy with her(but he said that she misinterpreted and exaggerated the story to break us up) and he forced me to break my friendship with her as he felt offended.

I have sacrificed two people who were among the closest to me and I did it because it was the right thing to do.

When I confronted my virguy about this girl he was too involved with on Insta and how emotionally disturbed I was to see her frequency of texts and the content of her msgs. He would either brush it off or not reply her at times in my presence or defend her. When I asked him to block her, he didn't. Why should I be the one to have to be rude to people by cutting them off for no real reason? The only reason why I am going to be hell stubborn this time on not unfollowing them no matter what he says/does or even if breaksup is because if i do give in to his stubborness and actually unfollow them for sych petty reason then it will further encourage him to control me and i cant let this happen ,it would end our relationship anyway. He has to get under control and realize his shit.

What I'm getting from that is your giving him a ton of slack rather then just being complacent with his behavior. And you also have drawn the line in the Sand now?

click to expand

I drew the line in the sand many a times before whenever he tried making me feel guilty about AJ or Alex.

He always character assassinates me by saying "This is the real you".

99.9% he knows I dont even talk to Alex and that I feel nothing for either of them. Yet he still wants to have me unfollow them.

This time I'm making sure the line I've drawn is indelible.

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by gia

We have been together for a year and a half and were classmates for 4 years in college (just graduated). I was never on Instagram until we graudated as my classmates requested me. Now he panicked when I joined Insta. He has been ordering me to unfollow 2 of our classmates (1 of whom is our mutual good friend).Let's call the mutual good friend as AJ and the other one as Adam.

A.J. sounds so douchy, I'd ask you to unfollow him too.

click to expand

Very curious. What made you say that?

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by gia

We have been together for a year and a half and were classmates for 4 years in college (just graduated). I was never on Instagram until we graudated as my classmates requested me. Now he panicked when I joined Insta. He has been ordering me to unfollow 2 of our classmates (1 of whom is our mutual good friend).Let's call the mutual good friend as AJ and the other one as Adam.

A.J. sounds so douchy, I'd ask you to unfollow him too.

click to expand

Very curious. What made you say that?

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by gia

So once we had our grades out and I had topped the university, he threw tantrums and insulted my scores in front of AJ and 2 more of our friends in our then friend circle on our whatsapp group. He said I didn't deserve my score.I was kinda irritated so I chatted with AJ describinghow he didn't even open his mouth during an important presentation and yet he got an A+ which he didnt deserve and yet he's the one pointing out to me. AJ didn't really tease back much. It was just an exchange of 4-5 messages in one of them AJ said "grades dont matter that much".

Ah see here's the problem. Instead of talking to your bf about him being a dick you're confiding to this A.J guy about your bf being a dick. I'd have a problem with that too.

If I understood everything correctly...

click to expand

True, I agree. But there's more to it.A lot more.

2 weeks prior to out results were declared, I had started my Insta account for the 1st time. He had panicked because he knew I'd look up on the kind of girls he follows and I'd confront his dirty little secret. So he told me that if I have an Insta account it would hurt our relationship. Then he took Alex's name and few more random names of guys from our college and asked me to unfollow them giving irrational reasons like "I've never seen you talk to them". LIke dude WTF they are my classmates we all know each other have talked at some point so you just follow each other out of courtesy. He tried his best to provoke me to shut down my insta just so I wouldn't find out his Insta acitivities. That was all too obviously abnormal to me so I didn't bow down and he brokeup calling me an Insta wh**e and we blocked each other on whatsapp and didn't talk anymore.

2 weeks later , our results got declared and I topped the university. Instead of being happy for me, he started sulking about how he could have gotten the same score as me and how professors were biased towards me and how I didnt deserve this score and all shit. This happened over our whatsapp group of mutual friends including AJ. He was being a dick and everyone realized that.

So I texted AJ saying "why is he reacting like that?" and AJ said "not sure. He was happy with his score until you mentioned yours" (which was 100% true). And then I did bitch about him that how he didn't even open his mouth during group debate and how skeptical he was of receiving an A grade but he go an A+ instead which he didnt deserve so how can he point out to me that i am undeserving ,to which AJ replied "grades really dont matter much" (he said that in favor of my virguy).3-4 of such messages.

I was obviously guilty and I genuinely apologized to him. There was a lot of begging and pleading and apologizing.

Despite abusing me 2 weeks prior to our result ,despite keeping me blocked on whatsapp, when he wrote in the group that he feels he has been unfairly graded in 1 subject, I tried helping him out and gave him prof's phone number. Despite that he insulted my scores. I am not defending my act. I know it was very wrong on my part. Had he not blocked me on whatsapp then I'd have fought with him instead of releasing my anger of him on AJ. It's been 5 months since all that and he has wronged me much worse.

He still brings it up out of nowhere to guilt-trip me and to be able to say how horrible I am. We were having a decent time talking and I shared my pumpkin carving pics from halloween and out of nowhere he again brought out that topic and started saying things like "this is the real you. You must be still following him on Insta despite telling 10000 times.If i have a problem with someone, my girl should be willing to leave that person for me." I am willing to if it makes sense and I have already cut off 2 of my bestfriends for him but he never compromised anything for me even though he knows its wrong.

So the only way i guess I might set him straight by not giving in to his demands of unfollowing AJ and Alex. Either it will set him straight or we'll breakup.

Posted by Ssasy

His insecurities was because of his own guilt.

I am 99% sure thats the same with my virguy too. His insecurities stem out of his own wrongdoings.

Posted by gia

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by gia

So once we had our grades out and I had topped the university, he threw tantrums and insulted my scores in front of AJ and 2 more of our friends in our then friend circle on our whatsapp group. He said I didn't deserve my score.I was kinda irritated so I chatted with AJ describinghow he didn't even open his mouth during an important presentation and yet he got an A+ which he didnt deserve and yet he's the one pointing out to me. AJ didn't really tease back much. It was just an exchange of 4-5 messages in one of them AJ said "grades dont matter that much".

Ah see here's the problem. Instead of talking to your bf about him being a dick you're confiding to this A.J guy about your bf being a dick. I'd have a problem with that too.

If I understood everything correctly...

True, I agree. But there's more to it.A lot more.

2 weeks prior to out results were declared, I had started my Insta account for the 1st time. He had panicked because he knew I'd look up on the kind of girls he follows and I'd confront his dirty little secret. So he told me that if I have an Insta account it would hurt our relationship. Then he took Alex's name and few more random names of guys from our college and asked me to unfollow them giving irrational reasons like "I've never seen you talk to them". LIke dude WTF they are my classmates we all know each other have talked at some point so you just follow each other out of courtesy. He tried his best to provoke me to shut down my insta just so I wouldn't find out his Insta acitivities. That was all too obviously abnormal to me so I didn't bow down and he brokeup calling me an Insta wh**e and we blocked each other on whatsapp and didn't talk anymore.

2 weeks later , our results got declared and I topped the university. Instead of being happy for me, he started sulking about how he could have gotten the same score as me and how professors were biased towards me and how I didnt deserve this score and all shit. This happened over our whatsapp group of mutual friends including AJ. He was being a dick and everyone realized that.

So I texted AJ saying "why is he reacting like that?" and AJ said "not sure. He was happy with his score until you mentioned yours" (which was 100% true). And then I did bitch about him that how he didn't even open his mouth during group debate and how skeptical he was of receiving an A grade but he go an A+ instead which he didnt deserve so how can he point out to me that i am undeserving ,to which AJ replied "grades really dont matter much" (he said that in favor of my virguy).3-4 of such messages.

I was obviously guilty and I genuinely apologized to him. There was a lot of begging and pleading and apologizing.

Despite abusing me 2 weeks prior to our result ,despite keeping me blocked on whatsapp, when he wrote in the group that he feels he has been unfairly graded in 1 subject, I tried helping him out and gave him prof's phone number. Despite that he insulted my scores. I am not defending my act. I know it was very wrong on my part. Had he not blocked me on whatsapp then I'd have fought with him instead of releasing my anger of him on AJ. It's been 5 months since all that and he has wronged me much worse.

He still brings it up out of nowhere to guilt-trip me and to be able to say how horrible I am. We were having a decent time talking and I shared my pumpkin carving pics from halloween and out of nowhere he again brought out that topic and started saying things like "this is the real you. You must be still following him on Insta despite telling 10000 times.If i have a problem with someone, my girl should be willing to leave that person for me." I am willing to if it makes sense and I have already cut off 2 of my bestfriends for him but he never compromised anything for me even though he knows its wrong.

So the only way i guess I might set him straight by not giving in to his demands of unfollowing AJ and Alex. Either it will set him straight or we'll breakup.

click to expand

Why are you still with him?

Posted by Arielle83



Has he ever put his hands around your neck in an argument?

Not yet. But given how impulsive and short tempered he is, I wouldn't be too surprised. He knows that would be our end if that happened. I have even told him that what he has been doing to me is emotional and verbal abuse and if it continues then he's on his path to physically abuse me too. Idk if he'd do anything about it but he did seriously hear me.

Posted by Phantom_Dangus

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it! - I haven't held back anything. I have given up on 2 of my bestfriends for this relationship. One male bestfriend(a virgo again) of over a decade who asked me out 6 times before and the 7th time after I got together with my virguy . I removed him from my life of my own before even my bf had to ask me to do it. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I cut off my female bestfriend of 3 yrs from college because she she said that my virguy was being touchy with her(but he said that she misinterpreted and exaggerated the story to break us up) and he forced me to break my friendship with her as he felt offended.

I have sacrificed two people who were among the closest to me and I did it because it was the right thing to do.

When I confronted my virguy about this girl he was too involved with on Insta and how emotionally disturbed I was to see her frequency of texts and the content of her msgs. He would either brush it off or not reply her at times in my presence or defend her. When I asked him to block her, he didn't. Why should I be the one to have to be rude to people by cutting them off for no real reason? The only reason why I am going to be hell stubborn this time on not unfollowing them no matter what he says/does or even if breaksup is because if i do give in to his stubborness and actually unfollow them for sych petty reason then it will further encourage him to control me and i cant let this happen ,it would end our relationship anyway. He has to get under control and realize his shit.

What I'm getting from that is your giving him a ton of slack rather then just being complacent with his behavior. And you also have drawn the line in the Sand now?

I drew the line in the sand many a times before whenever he tried making me feel guilty about AJ or Alex.

He always character assassinates me by saying "This is the real you".

99.9% he knows I dont even talk to Alex and that I feel nothing for either of them. Yet he still wants to have me unfollow them.

This time I'm making sure the line I've drawn is indelible.

He’s crazy insecure but trying to convince you you’re the problem. You’re becoming accustomed to these constant attacks on your character. Your life will improve so much when you leave this behind.

click to expand

These constant attacks on my character are a way for him to coverup his real shit. He does it to make himself feel better thinking "she's not a good person either. She has flaws too. So its not just me who's bad.". He does it to make him feel better about himself.

I want to give him one ultimate last chance. I am willing to forgive him for all the shit he threw on me if I see him transform into a better ,respectful, mature human. I know I cant force that change but maybe I can influence him?

Or maybe he would change after I leave him. Or maybe he just won't. God knows.

I did see him change though. Earlier he used to be a lot into womanizing but that has come down a lot lately. It's his extreme insecurity and sadist pessimistic mindset which has to change.

It's totally understandable why ya'll would ask why am I still wanting to stay with him. It's just that I want to give him this 1 last chance. When we are great, we are absolute great together. he'll take utmost care of me like I am his wife, he'll want me to do better, he'll want me to get better, he'll freak out if I fall sick. In public he's like a soldier to me. Extremely protective. I feel extremely safe with him when we are out. If anyone (including some smokin hot girl) is rude to me, he'd fight that person. One of our female classmates who wants to be a model, posts semi nude pics from her photoshoot and all guys(and girls) from our class like her pics but he doesn't do it out of respect for me. And of course the great sex lol. He's not fake when he does these great things for me. I really love him.

But the extreme insecurity has been a serious killer. That combined with his highly impulsive behaviour+ short temper+ overthinking + love for drama + ego + manipulation to control has kinda destroyed this relationship.

It's not about unfollowing AJ and Alex. He doesn't get it. It's the fact that if I give in to his demand and unfollow them, he'd feel encouraged to control me even more and limit all my social interactions without compromising anything himself for me. If he doesn't get his act straight then I'll be compelled to leave no matter how much I love him.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by gia

Posted by Phantom_Dangus

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it! - I haven't held back anything. I have given up on 2 of my bestfriends for this relationship. One male bestfriend(a virgo again) of over a decade who asked me out 6 times before and the 7th time after I got together with my virguy . I removed him from my life of my own before even my bf had to ask me to do it. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I cut off my female bestfriend of 3 yrs from college because she she said that my virguy was being touchy with her(but he said that she misinterpreted and exaggerated the story to break us up) and he forced me to break my friendship with her as he felt offended.

I have sacrificed two people who were among the closest to me and I did it because it was the right thing to do.

When I confronted my virguy about this girl he was too involved with on Insta and how emotionally disturbed I was to see her frequency of texts and the content of her msgs. He would either brush it off or not reply her at times in my presence or defend her. When I asked him to block her, he didn't. Why should I be the one to have to be rude to people by cutting them off for no real reason? The only reason why I am going to be hell stubborn this time on not unfollowing them no matter what he says/does or even if breaksup is because if i do give in to his stubborness and actually unfollow them for sych petty reason then it will further encourage him to control me and i cant let this happen ,it would end our relationship anyway. He has to get under control and realize his shit.

What I'm getting from that is your giving him a ton of slack rather then just being complacent with his behavior. And you also have drawn the line in the Sand now?

I drew the line in the sand many a times before whenever he tried making me feel guilty about AJ or Alex.

He always character assassinates me by saying "This is the real you".

99.9% he knows I dont even talk to Alex and that I feel nothing for either of them. Yet he still wants to have me unfollow them.

This time I'm making sure the line I've drawn is indelible.

He’s crazy insecure but trying to convince you you’re the problem. You’re becoming accustomed to these constant attacks on your character. Your life will improve so much when you leave this behind.

These constant attacks on my character are a way for him to coverup his real shit. He does it to make himself feel better thinking "she's not a good person either. She has flaws too. So its not just me who's bad.". He does it to make him feel better about himself.

I want to give him one ultimate last chance. I am willing to forgive him for all the shit he threw on me if I see him transform into a better ,respectful, mature human. I know I cant force that change but maybe I can influence him?

Or maybe he would change after I leave him. Or maybe he just won't. God knows.

I did see him change though. Earlier he used to be a lot into womanizing but that has come down a lot lately. It's his extreme insecurity and sadist pessimistic mindset which has to change.

Sounds like all his devaluing of you has made you stay around to prove you’re worthy.

You think he’s tortured and you believe your love and caring will help him, and he will see the error of his ways and come running to you with open arms, and put you on a pedestal.

He won’t do any of these things because he’s chosen to ruin you until you are nothing left.

You will be disappointed again.

He’s your drug. The unpredictability of it all is addicting.

You keep going for a hit, hoping it will be better than the last.

click to expand

mmm thats an interesting thought. I fear you might be right.

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it! - I haven't held back anything. I have given up on 2 of my bestfriends for this relationship. One male bestfriend(a virgo again) of over a decade who asked me out 6 times before and the 7th time after I got together with my virguy . I removed him from my life of my own before even my bf had to ask me to do it. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I cut off my female bestfriend of 3 yrs from college because she she said that my virguy was being touchy with her(but he said that she misinterpreted and exaggerated the story to break us up) and he forced me to break my friendship with her as he felt offended.

I have sacrificed two people who were among the closest to me and I did it because it was the right thing to do.

When I confronted my virguy about this girl he was too involved with on Insta and how emotionally disturbed I was to see her frequency of texts and the content of her msgs. He would either brush it off or not reply her at times in my presence or defend her. When I asked him to block her, he didn't. Why should I be the one to have to be rude to people by cutting them off for no real reason? The only reason why I am going to be hell stubborn this time on not unfollowing them no matter what he says/does or even if breaksup is because if i do give in to his stubborness and actually unfollow them for sych petty reason then it will further encourage him to control me and i cant let this happen ,it would end our relationship anyway. He has to get under control and realize his shit.

What I'm getting from that is your giving him a ton of slack rather then just being complacent with his behavior. And you also have drawn the line in the Sand now?

I drew the line in the sand many a times before whenever he tried making me feel guilty about AJ or Alex.

He always character assassinates me by saying "This is the real you".

99.9% he knows I dont even talk to Alex and that I feel nothing for either of them. Yet he still wants to have me unfollow them.

This time I'm making sure the line I've drawn is indelible.

click to expand

If there is nothing you have done to trigger him or any normal person then this makes him look even worse. "This is the real you" when he knows that's not true, is hardcore manipulation. There is no ambiguity or redeeming factors here. This guy is toxic as shit.



It's Noble of you to have the patience to deal with this douche behavior. As well as giving him the opportunity to change his behavior. I'm sorry he isn't going to though. Your not taiming this beast woman. He is being insecure, controlling, and maniplutive. He needs to see a professional.

To top it off he has zero trust in you, without justification.

Here is the thing about people. We are adaptive. If we do something and it doesn't work eventually we find another way. If it does work then it reenforces the behavior and there is no reason to change.

So long as how he is acting gets what he wants he will continue. He isn't going to change without experiencing consequences. People like this tend to get progressively worse and move person to person until they learn there lesson. If they surround themselves with enough "yes man" and enablers they actually don't.

Edit: once you threaten to leave him and if he is too far gone he will lose his shit.

At some point He will break down and give you sob stories and/or blame everyone and thing but himself.If you break up with him, write a letter describing each behavior and how it made you feel and why it's not ok. Do not try discussing this in person he will agrue it in circles. He needs it written down. This will make it harder for him to twist things make excuses to himself to feel better and run from his issues. You doing that for him could end up being the best thing to ever happen.

Posted by emeraldgem

There is nothing "noble" about staying with this guy. You've stayed long enough WAY past the point of oh, let's say ANYONE ELSE. Time to go and this time really go.

I know she is aware of it and it's her choice. Taiming the Beast is a common mindset with young woman. It's not that easy.

That is what she is trying to do sticking by this long. You can't change someone who doesn't genuinely want to or even recognize they have a problem. Love is a powerful thing and great motivation. There is no trust,respect, or understanding at least on his part. So this isn't going to work.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by emeraldgem

There is nothing "noble" about staying with this guy. You've stayed long enough WAY past the point of oh, let's say ANYONE ELSE. Time to go and this time really go.

I know she is aware of it and it's her choice. Taiming the Beast is a common mindset with young woman. It's not that easy.

That is what she is trying to do sticking by this long. You can't change someone who doesn't genuinely want to or even recognize they have a problem. Love is a powerful thing and great motivation. There is no trust,respect, or understanding at least on his part. So this isn't going to work.

click to expand

Speaking of trigger - him reading my chat with AJ where I was bitching about him behind his back 5 months ago after he insulted me in front of our friends(including AJ) is one of the reasons why he's mad that I am still friends with AJ and following him on Insta despite him ordering me 10000 times to unfollow him. I know what I did was wrong and big breach of trust.He was shocked that I,of all the people, could do that. I am still not proud of what I did. The fact that he provoked me still doesnt justify my wrong act so I did genuinely apologize to him but he said that my apology was fake because had it been genuine then I'd have not remained friends with AJ still.

And about trust. Interesting part is that deep down he actually knows that I am loyal af. He knows I am not the kind to get infatuated easily. He knows I am not the kind who catches feelings fast and that it took me a while to develop such strong feelings for him. He knows I am too studious and career oriented to be involved with anyone else. So he knows I am loyal and trustworthy and not the kind to dump him for another man and these are the main reasons why regardless of our countless fights over shittiest of issues he still continued us.

He used to call me "wife" material. There have been times when he got overly serious and has asked me "Why do you love me so much?" with a hint of shock ,surprise,confusion and suspicion all at once. He asked this even after the AJ incident. He knows I dont talk much to AJ. He knows I dont talk to Alex at all. He knows I have nothing going on with any guy. He knows I love him like noone else ever has or possibly could. He knows the shit he has pulled on me, no girl would have stayed with him. He knows he wouldn't even date himself. So he knows it all. I am 110% sure he internally knows I am that one rare gem he has found. Now its unfortunate that he treated me like his puppet instead of a gem.

So it is my strong belief that name calling me and triggering me by saying "this is the real you" and shit is all to coverup his insecurities. He doesn't consider himself to be a good human. He's open about it. Earlier when I'd ask him why did he choose me ,he'd say "I fell in love with you for your nature.You're too good too decent too nice". So it's highly likely that he does this to make himself feel better about himself by making me feel that I am not a good person and by making him feel that "I am bad but she is bad too so there aint much difference between us". I have even started to bluntly say this to him during our recent fights and he pretends like he didn't read it because he knows its true.

Posted by emeraldgem

There is nothing "noble" about staying with this guy. You've stayed long enough WAY past the point of oh, let's say ANYONE ELSE. Time to go and this time really go.

Yeah. I have my long ass email draft ready. I haven't replied to his last email 3 days ago. I know he is shocked that I haven't responded yet because he was 100% sure I'd respond back saying "okay fine I'm unfollowing AJ ,Alex and whoever guys you want me to". But I didnt so he must be shocked. So I know he'd email me soon again saying "asking for the last time. Will you unfollow them or should we officially end it". And that's when I'd shoot my email which I have been drafting since 3 days.

Just as @Lostthoughts mentioned - I started out with mentioning the great things he has done for me and the amazing person he was and the great parts of our relationship. And then I wrote about how his insecurity +impulsion + lack of respect killed everything. Then I wrote about how love doesn't mean isolating your partner so that they're 100% yours. It means letting them interact with 100 people and they still being 100% yours. I pointed our names of few girls he has been involved with in the past and how he is still connected to them on Insta and how I never forced him to cut off ties with any of them simply because I chose to trust him.

I then explained how I always wanted a mature relationship with him where we grow together in love and peace but how he makes me feel like I am involved in a high school teenage relationship full of nothing but fights over pettiest issues which makes me question our age,education,sanity and maturity. I then wrote how he knows I madly love him but how he chose to misuse that fact by manipulating me to get to control me instead of wanting to take advantage of my love to equally love me back and help grow our bond.

Finally I ended with writing that I still love him and I always will but I dont like the person he has become and that I am leaving us and I'd still want to see him happy even if that includes someone else.

This is my draft email which I'd send to him when he emails me soon giving me his last "warning".

Protect your sweet Pisces heart! Virgo are our oposites, they can make and break us and all within an hour. Virgo and Pisces attract eachother but we're also toxic to eachother. Your Virgo is insecure, lacks trust and he's trying to cover it up by his behaviour. Its best that you end this. I've been in the same situation with 3 different Virgo men. 3rd Virgo was the last drop! He'll continue until he has broken you. I know its in our nature to see the good but really... take your loss and run!

Posted by PiscesGal76

Protect your sweet Pisces heart! Virgo are our oposites, they can make and break us and all within an hour. Virgo and Pisces attract eachother but we're also toxic to eachother. Your Virgo is insecure, lacks trust and he's trying to cover it up by his behaviour. Its best that you end this. I've been in the same situation with 3 different Virgo men. 3rd Virgo was the last drop! He'll continue until he has broken you. I know its in our nature to see the good but really... take your loss and run!

yeah but lots of pisces are leeches who use other people for resources like money

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by PiscesGal76

Protect your sweet Pisces heart! Virgo are our oposites, they can make and break us and all within an hour. Virgo and Pisces attract eachother but we're also toxic to eachother. Your Virgo is insecure, lacks trust and he's trying to cover it up by his behaviour. Its best that you end this. I've been in the same situation with 3 different Virgo men. 3rd Virgo was the last drop! He'll continue until he has broken you. I know its in our nature to see the good but really... take your loss and run!

yeah but lots of pisces are leeches who use other people for resources like money

click to expand

And those are the immature, insecure Pisces!

I hate it if others pay for me, or having to ask others for whatever reason.

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by PiscesGal76

Protect your sweet Pisces heart! Virgo are our oposites, they can make and break us and all within an hour. Virgo and Pisces attract eachother but we're also toxic to eachother. Your Virgo is insecure, lacks trust and he's trying to cover it up by his behaviour. Its best that you end this. I've been in the same situation with 3 different Virgo men. 3rd Virgo was the last drop! He'll continue until he has broken you. I know its in our nature to see the good but really... take your loss and run!

yeah but lots of pisces are leeches who use other people for resources like money

click to expand

Lol ,is it? Then this must be one of the exceptional Virgo-Pisces scenario where the Pisces has given endless dinner treats and would be earning atleast 5 times more 🙂

Posted by emeraldgem

I have never seen someone write so much ever. Not even a Gemini!

hahahaha. I am toooo articulate. I love details xD I know it may get annoying for people but I love details.

In agreement w ALL responses above. What an insecure dude you have on your hands. There is nothing you can do to help him concerning this because insecurity is part of WHO HE IS. Insecure people steal the joy from relationships.

Thank him for breaking up with you. Then, run. He's going to cause you a lot of headaches in the future.

SMF @ this childishness 😩

Posted by emeraldgem

I have never seen someone write so much ever. Not even a Gemini!

LOL! Right! 🤦

Posted by Phantom_Dangus

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by gia

Posted by Warrenama

My Virgo male is exactly like this. For some reason he does not trust me having male friends

and what do you do about it? Do ya'll just keep fighting over it from time to time or is there evr any resolution and understanding?

These things your virgo is doing is a big red flag. Insecure, demeans you in public, isolates you, and Hippocratical behavior. You don't treat people this way. I'm surprised you lasted this long.

Your Virgo has some serious issues he is hiding. Very counter productive to treat you in this fashion while there is someone who is around that is a actual threat.You have a crush on AJ obviously.

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it!

Honestly, Why have you stayed in the relationship this long? Is this kind of mistreatment something your use to?

Sure, You could be holding things back on your end that would justify his reaction but not how he is handling it! - I haven't held back anything. I have given up on 2 of my bestfriends for this relationship. One male bestfriend(a virgo again) of over a decade who asked me out 6 times before and the 7th time after I got together with my virguy . I removed him from my life of my own before even my bf had to ask me to do it. I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I cut off my female bestfriend of 3 yrs from college because she she said that my virguy was being touchy with her(but he said that she misinterpreted and exaggerated the story to break us up) and he forced me to break my friendship with her as he felt offended.

I have sacrificed two people who were among the closest to me and I did it because it was the right thing to do.

When I confronted my virguy about this girl he was too involved with on Insta and how emotionally disturbed I was to see her frequency of texts and the content of her msgs. He would either brush it off or not reply her at times in my presence or defend her. When I asked him to block her, he didn't. Why should I be the one to have to be rude to people by cutting them off for no real reason? The only reason why I am going to be hell stubborn this time on not unfollowing them no matter what he says/does or even if breaksup is because if i do give in to his stubborness and actually unfollow them for sych petty reason then it will further encourage him to control me and i cant let this happen ,it would end our relationship anyway. He has to get under control and realize his shit.

What I'm getting from that is your giving him a ton of slack rather then just being complacent with his behavior. And you also have drawn the line in the Sand now?

I drew the line in the sand many a times before whenever he tried making me feel guilty about AJ or Alex.

He always character assassinates me by saying "This is the real you".

99.9% he knows I dont even talk to Alex and that I feel nothing for either of them. Yet he still wants to have me unfollow them.

This time I'm making sure the line I've drawn is indelible.

He’s crazy insecure but trying to convince you you’re the problem. You’re becoming accustomed to these constant attacks on your character. Your life will improve so much when you leave this behind.

click to expand

Bingo! OP doesn't get it. She refuses to see it. He's breaking her down. He's destroying her and she just doesn't seem to understand just how bad this is turning out for her.

Posted by gia

Posted by emeraldgem

@gia - "Call me crazy but this is the only sole reason why I haven't had him off the hook yet. Some part of me feels or rather prays that he too would mature with time and we'd mature as a couple if only I hold onto some more patience and only so I know how to handle his immaturity."

Ok - I'm calling you crazy. You are basing how he is going to turn out because of how OTHER people turned out. How is this even rational?

Maybe he will change and mature but maybe NOT. Wanna stick around and find out? He's the one who has YOU trained. Good luck undoing it. Stand your ground and make him change (because that always works) or go and be with someone who is already mature.

I know it's not rational basing mine with my friend's. I know. It's just the pattern and how similar it has been. Maybe I am emotionally impractical. I am too much into believing in love and its energy and the tremedous power it has.

I am a pisces. It's usually really tough for us to just let go. We tend to hold onto the person even if we have 0.00..1% hope.

He did cross my threshold by name calling me and he knows that.

Also, I completely agree with you that he's the one who has me trained. This is what I want to turn around. We were having a good time talking and I shared my halloween pics of pumpkin carvings and out of nowhere he again brought out AJ's topic trying to make me feel guilty despite him doing worse shit to me.

I don't know why does he keep bringing it up.

"Stand your ground and make him change (because that always works)" - does that really always work? Like, with a stubborn af controlling immature virgo?

We fought 2 weekends ago where he said he's breaking up with me. Then I cried and pleaded and sent him 3 emails and he said he has broken up with me and then he called me a wh**e for following those 2 on Insta and then a week later I again emailed him pleading him to talk(that was a big bad move hate myself for doing that) and then 2 days ago he replied back again repeating that how he's mad at me that I am still following them and how he doesnt regret disrespecting me because I didn't respect his feelings despite having told me 1000 times to unfollow them. In the end he said "I am not asking you to unfollow all guys but only the ones I have a problem with because of you.If you have to choose them over me then Idgaf to a person like you. This is not my type of relationship.If im not happy nobody can stop me from breakingup and moving on "

I didnt reply him back and I don't intend to. I am 100% sure he'll email me again in a couple of days saying "giving you last chance. Will you unfollow them or you wont?"

click to expand

Aww. You're in an abusive, toxic, manipulative relationship that will serve you no good in the end. You're pleading, begging and crying. There is something inside of you that needs repair. You're with an abusive man and he'll never let you win. This is a fight that you NEED to win. Trust me. You have so many people here telling you what you NEED to hear but because "you're in love with love", you've given this douchebag a pass. But love doesn't call it's significant other a wh***". Were you part of an abusive family growing up? Was he? When dealing with, tolerating abusive tendencies you'll end up losing family and friends. Abusers isolate you. They steal your joy. Falsely accuse you. Paint you as the problem. Etc etc. He may even be a narcissist.

Do some research. But you need help and strength. You have no idea how he's breaking you from the inside out until you're no good for the next person who will truly value you and want you. This dude not only threw you away, but called you a W*O** and belittled you in front of mutual friends. Why are you still trying to figure this madness out? Check your self esteem and self worth. Something is off.

Thank you for your replies,ladies, I really appreciate it.

I do take into account the way he has been treating me off late.

I did not reply to his last email from 5 days ago - which I know is highly shocking to him.

I also do consider emailing him that I am breaking up with him listing out why - when he emails me again.

I must also mention something more about him. He has an important exam next weekend. It's for his MBA admission.

He has spent money in prep classes. He used to attend the classes regularly too for a year;but he gave up a month ago. He literally gave up. He has been enjoying at his cousin's place with his family and on Instagram.

The closer his exam date is getting the more I see him active on Insta.

This makes me think that knowingly messing up important things is a part of his nature.

Posted by gia

Posted by emeraldgem

There is nothing "noble" about staying with this guy. You've stayed long enough WAY past the point of oh, let's say ANYONE ELSE. Time to go and this time really go.

Yeah. I have my long ass email draft ready. I haven't replied to his last email 3 days ago. I know he is shocked that I haven't responded yet because he was 100% sure I'd respond back saying "okay fine I'm unfollowing AJ ,Alex and whoever guys you want me to". But I didnt so he must be shocked. So I know he'd email me soon again saying "asking for the last time. Will you unfollow them or should we officially end it". And that's when I'd shoot my email which I have been drafting since 3 days.

Just as @Lostthoughts mentioned - I started out with mentioning the great things he has done for me and the amazing person he was and the great parts of our relationship. And then I wrote about how his insecurity +impulsion + lack of respect killed everything. Then I wrote about how love doesn't mean isolating your partner so that they're 100% yours. It means letting them interact with 100 people and they still being 100% yours. I pointed our names of few girls he has been involved with in the past and how he is still connected to them on Insta and how I never forced him to cut off ties with any of them simply because I chose to trust him.

I then explained how I always wanted a mature relationship with him where we grow together in love and peace but how he makes me feel like I am involved in a high school teenage relationship full of nothing but fights over pettiest issues which makes me question our age,education,sanity and maturity. I then wrote how he knows I madly love him but how he chose to misuse that fact by manipulating me to get to control me instead of wanting to take advantage of my love to equally love me back and help grow our bond.

Finally I ended with writing that I still love him and I always will but I dont like the person he has become and that I am leaving us and I'd still want to see him happy even if that includes someone else.

This is my draft email which I'd send to him when he emails me soon giving me his last "warning".

click to expand

Thank you! Taking the time to do that matters.

Even if he doesn't get it in the short term, long term it will click. Beyond that what he choose to do is 100% on him. He is not your responsibility if things get hairy too btw.

Again thank you!

Posted by Skeleton

Posted by gia

Thank you for your replies,ladies, I really appreciate it.

I do take into account the way he has been treating me off late.

I did not reply to his last email from 5 days ago - which I know is highly shocking to him.

I also do consider emailing him that I am breaking up with him listing out why - when he emails me again.

I must also mention something more about him. He has an important exam next weekend. It's for his MBA admission.

He has spent money in prep classes. He used to attend the classes regularly too for a year;but he gave up a month ago. He literally gave up. He has been enjoying at his cousin's place with his family and on Instagram.

The closer his exam date is getting the more I see him active on Insta.

This makes me think that knowingly messing up important things is a part of his nature.

Who gives a shit of him about considering for his exams?!!! Like jfc just dump him for fuck sake!

He doesn't give a shit about your feelings at all!

click to expand

Nothing wrong for her caring. Yes he is not her responsibility though.

No you don't know that. He might actually care. His behavior is the issue not him. Those 2 things are related but separate. Anyone who has come across the issue with a s/o will get that.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Skeleton

Posted by gia

Thank you for your replies,ladies, I really appreciate it.

I do take into account the way he has been treating me off late.

I did not reply to his last email from 5 days ago - which I know is highly shocking to him.

I also do consider emailing him that I am breaking up with him listing out why - when he emails me again.

I must also mention something more about him. He has an important exam next weekend. It's for his MBA admission.

He has spent money in prep classes. He used to attend the classes regularly too for a year;but he gave up a month ago. He literally gave up. He has been enjoying at his cousin's place with his family and on Instagram.

The closer his exam date is getting the more I see him active on Insta.

This makes me think that knowingly messing up important things is a part of his nature.

Who gives a shit of him about considering for his exams?!!! Like jfc just dump him for fuck sake!

He doesn't give a shit about your feelings at all!

Nothing wrong for her caring. Yes he is not her responsibility though.

No you don't know that. He might actually care. His behavior is the issue not him. Those 2 things are related but separate. Anyone who has come across the issue with a s/o will get that.

Wondered when the enabler would enter.

click to expand

lol really now? Read my post history in this thread. Well if your even capable of putting more effort then your post.