PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
He disappeared on me. I'm disappearing on him. (Page 2)
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Posted by CoolAries
By the end of the evening he told me he thought I didn't care for him, that it was him but could be any other...and that I should have listened to what I said about my ex bf..
I didn't know what I said that was so wrong.
So what did you say?
Posted by CoolAries
Im really making a note here....
He had asked other times about it. I never told him much. I should have kept silent.
Probably a good advice for the future.
I think you are waking away with the wrong message. There is a huge difference between opening up to someone in an effort to connect and revealing your true feelings for another in the words we say, which is what he seems to be accusing you of.
I'm not sure what you said to him to give him cause to believe you're still hung up on your ex (given you keep talking about having a lot to drink you may not either), but maybe try to reflect on that. Maybe there's nothing there and this is about his insecurity, but if you think you should approach a relationship where you hide who you really are by concealing your history will land you right back to where you are now.
Several thoughts here....
1) Learning what to share and when to share is a live and learn thing. Sounds like you shared too much too soon and scared him off.
2) If you want a real relationship, you gotta talk things out and not play "disappearing act" games that only leave you empty and wondering how it could have gone down if you got to the heart of his reaction and your relationship issues.
3) Great sex is no basis for a relationship because it's the newness and not knowing where things will go that adds fuel to the fire. Plus, over time the attraction wanes. It's friendship and shared values that sustain a relationship, not sex.
1) Learning what to share and when to share is a live and learn thing. Sounds like you shared too much too soon and scared him off.
2) If you want a real relationship, you gotta talk things out and not play "disappearing act" games that only leave you empty and wondering how it could have gone down if you got to the heart of his reaction and your relationship issues.
3) Great sex is no basis for a relationship because it's the newness and not knowing where things will go that adds fuel to the fire. Plus, over time the attraction wanes. It's friendship and shared values that sustain a relationship, not sex.
Posted by CoolAries
And no matter what P-Angel or others might think, he is at fault in the way he broke up and how he is behaving now.
I never said that the wasn't at fault for his behavior.
You are so irrational that you cannot even comprehend what is being said to you.
I said ....
YOU are at fault for YOUR behavior.
You refuse to accept accountability for yourself, and even still .. here you are referencing my name over and again trying to put me at blame for your stupidity, as in saying what I said, or what I believe.
No matter what, you are just NOT going to take responsibility for yourself. And the irony here is that it's your ignorance is why he doesn't want you.
Posted by CoolAries
...sometimes we all say things we regret...
What a marvelous point Phoenix made.
If you regret what you said, then what you said wasn't as innocent and honest as you are attempting to convince.
The longer you pretend you are above the truth .... the longer you will remain one of the Ignorants of the world.
Posted by P-Angel
I said ....
YOU are at fault for YOUR behavior.
.
I am. But im struggling with it. Because a part of me (and reading everyones feedback is helpfull even if I dont agree with all of it) tells me I was naive and maybe too focused on myself to see it coming. Yeah like you said before, maybe I was not paying attention to him. Im actually considering that. But there is also one side of me that is finding hard to accept that as soon as he heard about my ex boyfriend he left running. Im not yet 100% convinced it was a mistake to talk about it.
Im very very confused at the moment 🙂
And P-Angel, you are a grown up woman. Go easy on the insults. Not cool.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by CoolAries
By the end of the evening he told me he thought I didn't care for him, that it was him but could be any other...and that I should have listened to what I said about my ex bf..
I didn't know what I said that was so wrong.
So what did you say?click to expand
I said that the reason I broke up had to do with the fact my ex bf was never pleased. That nothing was good enough for him. That I was certainly not good for him because he was always criticising me and minimising my achievements. That we got to a point where I couldnt say anything because I was going to be criticised, such as:
- if friends would complement my food he would contradict them
- if I mentioned I did a thriatlon he would say that now I cant run 10k
- if I would show someone my paintings, he would say something like 'yeah but thats an old one"
Etc etc..
I told him I think some people dont appreciate what they have and they dont know how to be happy.
I dont know exactly all my words....he told me A LOT about his relationships. I honestly didnt see the problem in talking about it.
He did say something that I didnt understand after this and I didnt ask which was 'oh, so this is what this is all about'. And a couple of hours later (in the meantime he was showing me his favorite painting and his favourite songs, so we were drinking and singing) he tells me im just rebounding.
It's highly doubtful that your confusion is at the moment.
It's highly possible you're just dumb as fuck.
You fucked him without any terms, conditions or commitment.
And now you believe he should be responsible in nurturing your emotions for you.
That makes you the dumbass, not him.
You were NEVER his girlfriend ... you were his piece of ass at the moment. And you were an easy ass too, since you're too dumb to put two and two together. The evidence is right here in this thread.
You describe a fuck-buddy, and call it a relationship ... that means you're fucking clueless.
since he was never your boyfriend ... it's impossible for him to break up with you. But, again, that flies right over your head, because you've deluded yourself into believing you were something you weren't.
And it doesn't look like it matters how many women come in here to try and counsel you and what you should do .... because your only desire is to give yourself to a man who doesn't give a shit.
that makes you a loser on top of being a dumbass.
I have no pity for you, and that is what you are seeking. You are looking for people to feel sorry for you being emotionally abused.
When in fact the only person who abused you .. is you.
You fucked him without terms .... now shut the fuck up and lay in he bed you made.
Posted by P-Angel
I have no pity for you, and that is what you are seeking. You are looking for people to feel sorry for you being emotionally abused.
When in fact the only person who abused you .. is you.
You fucked him without terms .... now shut the fuck up and lay in he bed you made.
P-angel, you are an annoying old mouse, you know that, dont you? 🙂
Posted by CoolAriesPosted by VirgoFlirt
...find another guy.
Yes 🙂
Too much drama with this one.click to expand
You have learned anything about yourself at all, you haven't grown one inch here ... because the above quote indicates that he is at fault, while you are not.
You will step into the same pile of shit again and again until you take responsibility for yourself.
But, telling a Ram not to slut herself around is like believing the sun rises in the west.
P-Angel, P-Angel...Im going to feed you to my cat!
Ok Ladies, THIS is going too far in my opinion, she asked for advices , we told her what to do if she wants to go forward or if she wants to stop. Now she knows. The issue of her relationship is her business because she is the one who is dealing through this. Calling names and judging .. Wow
Have you considered the possibility that he is right about you rebounding?
When our previous partner won't leave us alone, let us heal, forget, forgive, move on, keeps coming around... I can easily see how we could still be rounding.
When you tell a man that your previous partner will not let go, he not only thinks rebound, he also thinks possible altercation, confrontation.
Men think about these things. Although drinking, something in your eyes, tone, a trigger phrase, emotion, may have led to the rebound conclusion. Regardless, that you know it's over, if you still have feels whether positive or negative, it looks like rebounding.
People can just tell. If a man went about an ex, and I intuited "feels." Light switch off.
Rebound relationships??are believed to be short-lived due to one partner's emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break up, and those emerging from serious relationships??are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed.
When our previous partner won't leave us alone, let us heal, forget, forgive, move on, keeps coming around... I can easily see how we could still be rounding.
When you tell a man that your previous partner will not let go, he not only thinks rebound, he also thinks possible altercation, confrontation.
Men think about these things. Although drinking, something in your eyes, tone, a trigger phrase, emotion, may have led to the rebound conclusion. Regardless, that you know it's over, if you still have feels whether positive or negative, it looks like rebounding.
People can just tell. If a man went about an ex, and I intuited "feels." Light switch off.
Rebound relationships??are believed to be short-lived due to one partner's emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break up, and those emerging from serious relationships??are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed.
Posted by VirgoSvengali
... we told her what to do
Now she knows.
Well, aren't you an idiot.
First, what was told to her was something people learn at 5 years old, so she already knew, dumbass. This thread isn't in place for people to tell her what to do ... it's in place to get approval and validation for her wrong decisions so she doesn't have to face the fact that she fucked up. It's in place for people to support her in believing that he's the dick, so she doesn't have to face the fact that she fucked up.
Looks like the obvious flies over your head.
Now she knows? lol ... do you even comprehend what you read? Or are you another dumbfuck?
She said she knew in the OP and then continued post after post to tell us that she WANTs a relationship with him.
::::: shakes head ::::::
It's so hard to live with dumbasses ... but, you all are everywhere.
Posted by VenusAquarius
Have you considered the possibility that he is right about you rebounding?
You really expect a dumbass to actually (get) that?
Dear P-Angel,
I have nothing to tell you and certainly not will feed your bitterness, now if you can't swallow the fact that SHE is the one who will make the final decision, that's an other problem.
I suggest you to go see a therapist. Have a good day though x
I have nothing to tell you and certainly not will feed your bitterness, now if you can't swallow the fact that SHE is the one who will make the final decision, that's an other problem.
I suggest you to go see a therapist. Have a good day though x
I am in disbelief that this has received 102 replies. Cool Aries WINS...she sought attention and got it in the normal Aries fashion. I have to give Kudo's to P-Angel...she may be blunt but often the words are right on target.
Cool Aries..leave this man alone and make this a lesson learned. Games gets you nowhere but on forum where you go seeking attention for the decisions you made.
Next guy just be you. He either takes it or leaves it.
Cool Aries..leave this man alone and make this a lesson learned. Games gets you nowhere but on forum where you go seeking attention for the decisions you made.
Next guy just be you. He either takes it or leaves it.
Why you came back here to talk shit P Angel? Didn't I tell your ass to go crawl up your husbands ASS?!
Be gone *sprays you with road kill spray*
FLAGS YOUR ASS!
CoolAries you should've ignored her a long time ago do you girl!
😉
Be gone *sprays you with road kill spray*
FLAGS YOUR ASS!
CoolAries you should've ignored her a long time ago do you girl!
😉
CoolAries...BEWARE, there are men out there that will encourage a woman to open because he's LOOKING for an out, an easy way out.
Now you may think because he's sharing it seems as if he's ready for a real relationship but men with commitment issues will ENCOURAGE a woman to be vulnerable with him only to dissect and pick apart her words to benefit him getting a way out.
In other words he was already hoovering information out of you for a "get out hall pass" way before you revealed your past.
Some men don't want to be the bad guy, they want to walk away with no blood on their hands, it has to be you and your fault so he can have a clear conscious b/c if he had fucked you and dumped you he'd have to admit he's just a selfish douchebag asshole and have to live with that gut wrenching feeling/thought.
You may not know it now but you actually were SAVED a lot of hot and cold heartache. This is the kind of guy that will have you checking yourself into a mental asylum. You are lucky he's gone.
Let this be a lesson learned. Next time if a guy ask you about your past, simply say it's over, no details need to be provided, the past does not need to be dragged in and dug up.
Now you may think because he's sharing it seems as if he's ready for a real relationship but men with commitment issues will ENCOURAGE a woman to be vulnerable with him only to dissect and pick apart her words to benefit him getting a way out.
In other words he was already hoovering information out of you for a "get out hall pass" way before you revealed your past.
Some men don't want to be the bad guy, they want to walk away with no blood on their hands, it has to be you and your fault so he can have a clear conscious b/c if he had fucked you and dumped you he'd have to admit he's just a selfish douchebag asshole and have to live with that gut wrenching feeling/thought.
You may not know it now but you actually were SAVED a lot of hot and cold heartache. This is the kind of guy that will have you checking yourself into a mental asylum. You are lucky he's gone.
Let this be a lesson learned. Next time if a guy ask you about your past, simply say it's over, no details need to be provided, the past does not need to be dragged in and dug up.
Posted by tiki33
CoolAries...BEWARE, there are men out there that will encourage a woman to open because he's LOOKING for an out, an easy way out.
Now you may think because he's sharing it seems as if he's ready for a real relationship but men with commitment issues will ENCOURAGE a woman to be vulnerable with him only to dissect and pick apart her words to benefit him getting a way out.
In other words he was already hoovering information out of you for a "get out hall pass" way before you revealed your past.
Some men don't want to be the bad guy, they want to walk away with no blood on their hands, it has to be you and your fault so he can have a clear conscious b/c if he had fucked you and dumped you he'd have to admit he's just a selfish douchebag asshole and have to live with that gut wrenching feeling/thought.
You may not know it now but you actually were SAVED a lot of hot and cold heartache. This is the kind of guy that will have you checking yourself into a mental asylum. You are lucky he's gone.
Let this be a lesson learned. Next time if a guy ask you about your past, simply say it's over, no details need to be provided, the past does not need to be dragged in and dug up.
+1
I wanted to thank everybody that posted and took the time to share their opinion.
There are a few post, specially those last ones, that I didnt answer or addressed directly. But I read everything. With an opened mind. So thanks.
I feel like there's not much more to say. It is up to me to deal with it and hopefully learn something.
If something happens that is significant or worth sharing, I will let you know.
In the meantime, I might be coming here once in a while to read other posts.
🙂
There are a few post, specially those last ones, that I didnt answer or addressed directly. But I read everything. With an opened mind. So thanks.
I feel like there's not much more to say. It is up to me to deal with it and hopefully learn something.
If something happens that is significant or worth sharing, I will let you know.
In the meantime, I might be coming here once in a while to read other posts.
🙂
Posted by P-Angel
I have no pity for you, and that is what you are seeking. You are looking for people to feel sorry for you being emotionally abused.
When in fact the only person who abused you .. is you.
You fucked him without terms .... now shut the fuck up and lay in he bed you made.
I'm not really sure if you're genuinely mean or if you're just trolling because you're that bored with your life. smh
Update:
Hello to all! You did help me a couple of months ago with my situation so I feel like sharing my current situation with the virgo guy.
I did block his email address and phone number. I thought I was never going to hear from him again and I was getting OK with it (trying at least). After a few weeks he emailed me at work and never mentioned the blocks!
Like nothing had happened he was checking on me weekly wanting to know about myself and my life. Again. And at some point I let him but kept a distance.
So it was pretty much the same! Nothing was changing. After he left me he kept on just contacting me randomly to see how I was..
Whats the point in doing that anyway? So one day he called 'for no reason, just to see how I was'' and I told him he had lost the right to know how I was. If he really wanted to know about me then he should invite me for a drink and as a friend, I could tell him how I was. Or, he could text me weekly asking 'how are you' but that I didn't really see the point in that. And I hang up. i thought: ok, its done. He will leave me alone or he will do something about it. His choice.
A few days later he texts saying: lets have that drink.
Long story short, we started hanging out and agreed in trying to be friends. We spoke about what had happened between us and agreed we enjoyed each others company so maybe we could try to be friends and not lose contact. Deep down I never believed we were able to just be friends because the attraction was still very high but I thought I could at least try. I even told him: we are not friends yet. There is potential, but also a past so until we can actually say we are true friends it will take some time. To me at least.
Fast forwarding to last weekend, we agreed to meet sat night. Saturday afternoon he emailed me a very emotional email talking about his work achievements over the last months, things he had accomplished (he has a very senior position at work and had been through an audit that ended very successfully) and how proud he was and how badly he needed a hug from me. I got there and he was waiting for me outside the lift with a bottle of champagne and a sparkle in his eyes. He was not being just friendly. He started telling me about his work and how tired he was, but also proud and how happy he was that I was there... he seemed on drugs because he was just so sweet! (!) - he was not on drugs Im joking! 🙂 He then started saying things like: ok, I made a mistake judging you on you
Hello to all! You did help me a couple of months ago with my situation so I feel like sharing my current situation with the virgo guy.
I did block his email address and phone number. I thought I was never going to hear from him again and I was getting OK with it (trying at least). After a few weeks he emailed me at work and never mentioned the blocks!
Like nothing had happened he was checking on me weekly wanting to know about myself and my life. Again. And at some point I let him but kept a distance.
So it was pretty much the same! Nothing was changing. After he left me he kept on just contacting me randomly to see how I was..
Whats the point in doing that anyway? So one day he called 'for no reason, just to see how I was'' and I told him he had lost the right to know how I was. If he really wanted to know about me then he should invite me for a drink and as a friend, I could tell him how I was. Or, he could text me weekly asking 'how are you' but that I didn't really see the point in that. And I hang up. i thought: ok, its done. He will leave me alone or he will do something about it. His choice.
A few days later he texts saying: lets have that drink.
Long story short, we started hanging out and agreed in trying to be friends. We spoke about what had happened between us and agreed we enjoyed each others company so maybe we could try to be friends and not lose contact. Deep down I never believed we were able to just be friends because the attraction was still very high but I thought I could at least try. I even told him: we are not friends yet. There is potential, but also a past so until we can actually say we are true friends it will take some time. To me at least.
Fast forwarding to last weekend, we agreed to meet sat night. Saturday afternoon he emailed me a very emotional email talking about his work achievements over the last months, things he had accomplished (he has a very senior position at work and had been through an audit that ended very successfully) and how proud he was and how badly he needed a hug from me. I got there and he was waiting for me outside the lift with a bottle of champagne and a sparkle in his eyes. He was not being just friendly. He started telling me about his work and how tired he was, but also proud and how happy he was that I was there... he seemed on drugs because he was just so sweet! (!) - he was not on drugs Im joking! 🙂 He then started saying things like: ok, I made a mistake judging you on you
Part II:
ok, I made a mistake judging you on your ex bf, I understand you better now, Im not perfect, I want you to be happy, I find you extremely attractive and intelligent and theres no reason to be apart...that I could count on him for everything and that he is really my friend.....i was so overwhelmed with that spill of compliments and feelings I didn't know what to say. His eyes were shinning. And then he kissed me! I stopped and asked him: are you sure? Like, are you not going to go all crazy in me afterwards? He said he was very sure.
He went to his room and then called me and when I entered it was full of candles and music on. I think you can guess the rest 🙂
The night went on with him saying how amazed he was about the interests we have in common (books, music), how he loved my body but he admired my mind mostly...Ahh I forgot, and I had a present on the sofa when I got there. I like tennis and he plays sometimes so he said he was in the airport and thought of me so he got me a racket so maybe we could play together.
That night was really surreal. I left his house feeling bloated with love really. But I was also a bit hesitant because I was curious to see how he was going to react after displaying so much affection. And I was a bit right I think.. We met again during the week. We also met last night again. Went for dinner and I could still see the sparkle in his eyes. Then we went to his place and he was so quiet....distant actually. I was asking myself if that other night really existed? He was ok, but quiet. Sort of politely distant.
So I went home and texted him asking if I had said or done something wrong as I felt him miles away from him.
I wondered if I said anything that might have affected his ego...
He said for me not to worry, that he was just feeling a bit ill. I don't believe it.
Well anyway, I'm not asking for your advice. I just wanted to share this. But would be interested in your comments. (Go on P-Angel!)
Im just going to go slow with my feelings here and see where this takes me...
ok, I made a mistake judging you on your ex bf, I understand you better now, Im not perfect, I want you to be happy, I find you extremely attractive and intelligent and theres no reason to be apart...that I could count on him for everything and that he is really my friend.....i was so overwhelmed with that spill of compliments and feelings I didn't know what to say. His eyes were shinning. And then he kissed me! I stopped and asked him: are you sure? Like, are you not going to go all crazy in me afterwards? He said he was very sure.
He went to his room and then called me and when I entered it was full of candles and music on. I think you can guess the rest 🙂
The night went on with him saying how amazed he was about the interests we have in common (books, music), how he loved my body but he admired my mind mostly...Ahh I forgot, and I had a present on the sofa when I got there. I like tennis and he plays sometimes so he said he was in the airport and thought of me so he got me a racket so maybe we could play together.
That night was really surreal. I left his house feeling bloated with love really. But I was also a bit hesitant because I was curious to see how he was going to react after displaying so much affection. And I was a bit right I think.. We met again during the week. We also met last night again. Went for dinner and I could still see the sparkle in his eyes. Then we went to his place and he was so quiet....distant actually. I was asking myself if that other night really existed? He was ok, but quiet. Sort of politely distant.
So I went home and texted him asking if I had said or done something wrong as I felt him miles away from him.
I wondered if I said anything that might have affected his ego...
He said for me not to worry, that he was just feeling a bit ill. I don't believe it.
Well anyway, I'm not asking for your advice. I just wanted to share this. But would be interested in your comments. (Go on P-Angel!)
Im just going to go slow with my feelings here and see where this takes me...
One last comment: im not sure but I think my ex bf is still on his mind.
The night of the candles he said he wanted to know all about my previous relationship, if my ex was still after me, everything..he said. I told him the last time I had been honest with him, that didnt really work out very well. He insisted, said I could trust him. I told him he stopped contacting me and that it was over so long ago no point in talking about it..
Last night at dinner I mentioned Im suppose to go for dinner with a group of friends. He knows they are friends with my ex bf too. He asked if he will be there. I said I didn't no. Maybe, maybe not.
Thats probably it. Only he knows. Wish I knew how to make him believe that thats him I want and that my ex dont even cross my mind.
The night of the candles he said he wanted to know all about my previous relationship, if my ex was still after me, everything..he said. I told him the last time I had been honest with him, that didnt really work out very well. He insisted, said I could trust him. I told him he stopped contacting me and that it was over so long ago no point in talking about it..
Last night at dinner I mentioned Im suppose to go for dinner with a group of friends. He knows they are friends with my ex bf too. He asked if he will be there. I said I didn't no. Maybe, maybe not.
Thats probably it. Only he knows. Wish I knew how to make him believe that thats him I want and that my ex dont even cross my mind.
I agree...im feeling it is the thought of my ex bf playing with his mind.
But it has been 8months now that we broke it off. Almost 9. It is so so but so over.
I am magma, i can be very aggressive and impulsive. Those last years Im kind of training myself to control my impulses and be a bit more calm and not act on impulse. Its like a diet for me. Ive hurt a few ppl and myself in the past by being too strong charactered and blunt that now I try a lot to think before I act. 😉 usually works better!
I understand maybe this virgo guy needs more reassurance from me. But Im afraid now to open my heart and that in a month or so he quits on me again.
But it has been 8months now that we broke it off. Almost 9. It is so so but so over.
I am magma, i can be very aggressive and impulsive. Those last years Im kind of training myself to control my impulses and be a bit more calm and not act on impulse. Its like a diet for me. Ive hurt a few ppl and myself in the past by being too strong charactered and blunt that now I try a lot to think before I act. 😉 usually works better!
I understand maybe this virgo guy needs more reassurance from me. But Im afraid now to open my heart and that in a month or so he quits on me again.
Posted by CoolAries
Last night at dinner I mentioned Im suppose to go for dinner with a group of friends. He knows they are friends with my ex bf too. He asked if he will be there. I said I didn't no. Maybe, maybe not.
Of course you mentioned that ^^^^^^
You're an attention whore, who plays head games ... there's no other reason for you to offer information to him in which insinuates to him that you might be seeing the exact same ex, that you used 9 months ago to fuck with his head.
Of course, the ex crossed your mind ... that's why you mentioned him again.
You're not fooling me.
He asked what I was doing in that particular night and I told him. Dinner with friends.
Lying to him for him later to find out that I was at the same place where my ex bf was, wouldnt do me any favours.
Lying to him for him later to find out that I was at the same place where my ex bf was, wouldnt do me any favours.
Once a player ... always a player
My hope is that is realizes the cunt you really are, and drops your ass like a bad habit, once and for all.
You're not fooling me, nor anyone with smidgeon of sense.
You can make whatever excuse you want ... there is only ONE reason for you to mention that you might be seeing the ex again.
CoolAries...some may say, oh no...she did it again...left the Virgo wondering...piece of advice...just tell him the next time he asks about your ex...that you tell him he should no longer be a part of your conversations...he's dying for you to feed his insecurities so that he can indulge in his fears...put an end to that convo...the Virgo is at fault for bringing him up, but you are allowing it to remain a topic...
2 You told this Virgo your ex was still after you and wanted you back.
Posted by CoolAries
But I listened, didn't ask much and then told him about my previous relationship, and how my bf still wanted to get back together, and how bad our relationship was for the last year.
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/he-disappeared-on-me-i-m-disappearing-on-him-5205079/?p=2<BR>
Then you update us that all is good and romantic and back on track and choose to drop this bomb on him:
Posted by CoolAries
One last comment: im not sure but I think my ex bf is still on his mind.
Last night at dinner I mentioned Im suppose to go for dinner with a group of friends. He knows they are friends with my ex bf too. He asked if he will be there. I said I didn't no. Maybe, maybe not.
click to expand
Then you say you didn't want to lie to him. lol..It's not a matter of lying, you even say you want to reassure this Virgo. Here's a clue on that reassurance...DON'T GO OUT WITH FRIENDS KNOWING YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND MIGHT BE THERE..but you know that don't you? Of course you do. smh
I think P-angel is right. You are so damn insecure, you PURPOSELY dropped this news onto the Virgo for very immature, insecure and selfish reasons. ...and you sit here with the dumb act, while playing stupid with us like you don't know why he got quiet/ill?
My gosh you are pathetic, I mean really, really pathetic.
I hope he blocks you out permanently this time. Grow up.
..DON'T GO OUT WITH FRIENDS KNOWING YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND MIGHT BE THERE..
I will always have an ex bf. I cant erase that.
So I should stay home alone for Virgo to feel good about it. Then later what? I stop wearing a dress for Virgo not to feel jealous. Then I stop going to the supermarket because I might bump into my ex and Virgo will feel bad...
I'd rather work on making him feel comfident about what I feel..
Im more inclined to follow the other poster advice and cut this convo, than cut contact with friends.
Sometimes I feel like saying I miss him or that Im thinking about him or a lot of other things but I dont want to scare him by being too emotional.
I think he likes his space and he jokes that he doesnt like ppl much 🙂 But he likes me. So I dont want to rush things and tell him all the stuff I feel. Im afraid I will scare him. shall i verbalise my feelings more? Would he feel better?
I think the key to Virgos is to have your own identity...your own full plate...the minute they feel like your world is consumed with their insecurities, they will use it against you...it will create the back and forth, hot and cold relationship you are trying to avoid...stop worrying about him so much...you're doing nothing wrong...people are being way too sensitive about this...he needs tough love...he needs to get over this ex...just tell him the conversation is no longer welcomed, that if you wanted to be with your ex that's where you would be...and put this to rest...he's making you pay for his own insecurities...
...and we're off again.
I feel like laughing really, for this is so silly!!
Cutting a long story short: we were seeing each other very often, spent a beautiful valentines day, etc
He is been asking me an annoying amount of questions about my life and when I confronted him about it he said it was because I might be the one and he needs to see if he needs to change anything in himself in order for me not to leave him as I left my ex bf.
Seriously, he thinks way way too much and Im not enjoying being tested and analysed.
So a fee days ago he took me to a bar to meet one of his few friends. At the bar he was trying to be funny and ended up saying sonething that myself and his friend found offensive. After that, i dont know if because he was embarassed, he snapped.
We went home and he started shouting at me that he was just testing me (bullbutter) and that he needs to see how I react and blabkabla. And asking, well..almost shouting What do you want? You dont tell me how you feel! Am I suppose to guess!
Im not even going to write everything, he ended up saying we have to be friends before anything else. That now he just wants a friendship and when the shadow of my ex bf disappears then things will work.
Ahhhhhh dont know what to say nor what to feel.
It was a deja vu. I think it will always be like this: as soon as we start getting very close (emotionally) he will always find an accuse and snap.
He is on silent mode now. And so am I.
I feel like laughing really, for this is so silly!!
Cutting a long story short: we were seeing each other very often, spent a beautiful valentines day, etc
He is been asking me an annoying amount of questions about my life and when I confronted him about it he said it was because I might be the one and he needs to see if he needs to change anything in himself in order for me not to leave him as I left my ex bf.
Seriously, he thinks way way too much and Im not enjoying being tested and analysed.
So a fee days ago he took me to a bar to meet one of his few friends. At the bar he was trying to be funny and ended up saying sonething that myself and his friend found offensive. After that, i dont know if because he was embarassed, he snapped.
We went home and he started shouting at me that he was just testing me (bullbutter) and that he needs to see how I react and blabkabla. And asking, well..almost shouting What do you want? You dont tell me how you feel! Am I suppose to guess!
Im not even going to write everything, he ended up saying we have to be friends before anything else. That now he just wants a friendship and when the shadow of my ex bf disappears then things will work.
Ahhhhhh dont know what to say nor what to feel.
It was a deja vu. I think it will always be like this: as soon as we start getting very close (emotionally) he will always find an accuse and snap.
He is on silent mode now. And so am I.
*find an excuse
(Sorry im on my mobile) 🙂
(Sorry im on my mobile) 🙂
Posted by CoolAries
...and we're off again.
I feel like laughing really, for this is so silly!!
Cutting a long story short: we were seeing each other very often, spent a beautiful valentines day, etc
He is been asking me an annoying amount of questions about my life and when I confronted him about it he said it was because I might be the one and he needs to see if he needs to change anything in himself in order for me not to leave him as I left my ex bf.
Seriously, he thinks way way too much and Im not enjoying being tested and analysed.
So a fee days ago he took me to a bar to meet one of his few friends. At the bar he was trying to be funny and ended up saying sonething that myself and his friend found offensive. After that, i dont know if because he was embarassed, he snapped.
We went home and he started shouting at me that he was just testing me (bullbutter) and that he needs to see how I react and blabkabla. And asking, well..almost shouting What do you want? You dont tell me how you feel! Am I suppose to guess!
Im not even going to write everything, he ended up saying we have to be friends before anything else. That now he just wants a friendship and when the shadow of my ex bf disappears then things will work.
Ahhhhhh dont know what to say nor what to feel.
It was a deja vu. I think it will always be like this: as soon as we start getting very close (emotionally) he will always find an accuse and snap.
He is on silent mode now. And so am I.
The ego (VirgonSun) is about perfection. He is embarrassed. Your previous talks about the past relationship manifested an insecurity in him.
He may have not felt this level of insecurity before (love sometimes has this effect).
You will need to comfort him.
I know this because I am with the ego of perfection, my Virgo husband's birthday is "The Day of Lively Precision."
I wish you could share you and your Virgos placements.
I understand that. He has so many traits of a Virgo from what I can read here. Like the perfection seeking, the wanting to please, needing his space, being a bit of a loner and extremely successful at work and so on... but i dont how to deal with this.
And you know what? It is a shame, because he likes me a lot. I know it. And I like him too.
Day of Lively Precision? Oh my....good luck!! 🙂
I only know his dob... So onky know he is a virgo.
Im aries, cancer moon, rising scorpio.
Im tired of this drama.
And you know what? It is a shame, because he likes me a lot. I know it. And I like him too.
Day of Lively Precision? Oh my....good luck!! 🙂
I only know his dob... So onky know he is a virgo.
Im aries, cancer moon, rising scorpio.
Im tired of this drama.
Being a source of comfort to a man is attractive and sustaining in a relationship.
You have to feel like a safe home, a safe haven, a shelter from storm - no matter how insignificant or silly that storm may appear to be.
Granted, some men, some people, require a bottomless pit, an insatiable amount of comfort that can never be satisfied...
Or, that you are willing or able to provide.
You have to feel like a safe home, a safe haven, a shelter from storm - no matter how insignificant or silly that storm may appear to be.
Granted, some men, some people, require a bottomless pit, an insatiable amount of comfort that can never be satisfied...
Or, that you are willing or able to provide.
Posted by CoolAries
I understand that. He has so many traits of a Virgo from what I can read here. Like the perfection seeking, the wanting to please, needing his space, being a bit of a loner and extremely successful at work and so on... but i dont how to deal with this.
And you know what? It is a shame, because he likes me a lot. I know it. And I like him too.
Day of Lively Precision? Oh my....good luck!! 🙂
I only know his dob... So onky know he is a virgo.
Im aries, cancer moon, rising scorpio.
Im tired of this drama.
Hey, if you're tired this early, you know the deal. Relationships are alot of work.
I found someone who I feel is worth the work.
Be careful, and you may want to consider...
...whether, you will find along the course, that he was the one with the most to offer in offsetting "the work" of relationships.
Just something to think about.
I see.. I maybe dont show it as much as he needs it. But I feel it. So I assume he knows.
Im a bit tired of the drama but I will try one last time when he leaves his cave.
I should leave him alone now right? And wait for him to reach out?
Im a bit tired of the drama but I will try one last time when he leaves his cave.
I should leave him alone now right? And wait for him to reach out?
Yeah im not going to lie...im a bit tired. I have feelings too and this situation hurts me a bit. So i dont want to be in a relationship with someone that keeps on changing his mind. But i didnt throw the towel just yet. I know this is not over.
We had a big fight and I agreed to try to be his friend, even though I think we are fooling ourselves because the atraction is there, but ok I agreed. But I didnt agree on him making me feel bad and I told him that and I left.
Shall I now reach out or give him space?
We had a big fight and I agreed to try to be his friend, even though I think we are fooling ourselves because the atraction is there, but ok I agreed. But I didnt agree on him making me feel bad and I told him that and I left.
Shall I now reach out or give him space?
Because you are tired, use the time for reflection, possible corrective action, defining your limit, an overall decisive time for yourself as well.
You need it to.
Think of what, if anything, you are capable of doing better and whether it is in you to do so. Is it even worth it to you?
In relationships, we have to be filled up before we are emptied out.
We have to make deposits in the relationship before we can make withdrawals. Or the relationship can become bankrupt. Whether he or you are making more withdrawals than deposits... whether perceived or in fact doesn't matter, it is all valid.
You need it to.
Think of what, if anything, you are capable of doing better and whether it is in you to do so. Is it even worth it to you?
In relationships, we have to be filled up before we are emptied out.
We have to make deposits in the relationship before we can make withdrawals. Or the relationship can become bankrupt. Whether he or you are making more withdrawals than deposits... whether perceived or in fact doesn't matter, it is all valid.
...such wise words.
Thank you 🙂
Thank you 🙂
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