How to handle the utterly jerky controlling behavior?

Jesus Christ. 😳

How old are you two, if you don’t mind my asking?

Posted by Reciprocity8

Jesus Christ. 😳

How old are you two, if you don’t mind my asking?

I am not surprised you asked because it is that immature. He's 21, I am 22.

Posted by gia

Posted by Reciprocity8

Jesus Christ. 😳

How old are you two, if you don’t mind my asking?

I am not surprised you asked because it is that immature. He's 21, I am 22.

click to expand

“When people show you who they are, believe them.”

That’s extremely disrespectful of him to be altering your photos. And for what? Who is he trying to appease with that shit?

You’re young; I get it. But, honey, start setting the bar now. And set it high. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

Communicate the issue, how it made you feel. If he doesn’t respect that and doesn’t bother making changes, then show him where the door is. If you stay, take responsibility for what follows...because he’s giving you a taste right now.

Do you really think that he will mess up your project? I wouldn’t do it, personally. Just tell him you have more respect for yourself and you’re not putting up a fake picture that doesn’t even look like you.

Good suggestion?

Other than clipping his pipes? All out of those.

You're just crazy to even be in a relationship with this guy. You said not to bash him amirite—

So you gave him money towards a project and now he’s holding it over your head. Lol hell no.

Tell him to give you the monies back and handle it yourself. He’s not reliable.

It's not just about the fake pic. He increased the size of my boobs and ass and it makes it look weird.

The original pic looks decent. This doesn't look too indecent but it looks weird - the very first thing anyone would notice on seeing that pic will be the fake boobs.

It's more about the fact that I have cousins and they really respect me a lot. I don't mean to brag but their parents tell them to consider me as their role model for academics and choice of life style . They're much younger than me. They are the reason why I am particularly hesitant of putting up that pic. I told him that I have cousins who are conservative so I am putting up the original one and that got him mad. This is nothing but lack of basic understanding and no relationship can survive like this. Funny part - for a month now he has been complaining that I have become too selfish considering my needs over his and him.

I don't know how to deal with a stubborn virgo and thats where I need suggestions.

Posted by gia

It's not just about the fake pic. He increased the size of my boobs and ass and it makes it look weird.

The original pic looks decent. This doesn't look too indecent but it looks weird - the very first thing anyone would notice on seeing that pic will be the fake boobs.

It's more about the fact that I have cousins and they really respect me a lot. I don't mean to brag but their parents tell them to consider me as their role model for academics and choice of life style . They're much younger than me. They are the reason why I am particularly hesitant of putting up that pic. I told him that I have cousins who are conservative so I am putting up the original one and that got him mad. This is nothing but lack of basic understanding and no relationship can survive like this. Funny part - for a month now he has been complaining that I have become too selfish considering my needs over his and him.

I don't know how to deal with a stubborn virgo and thats where I need suggestions.

I posted about this earlier. This has nothing to do with him being a Virgo. This little shit is an asshole in the making.

You don’t need that nonsense. How would you feel if a guy did that to one of your younger cousins? What advice would you give her? Would you ask for his astrological sign first? You wouldn’t. Because you value and love your cousins and know that they deserve better than to be treated like that. So...now love and value yourself, baby girl.

YOU set the tone. YOU set the standard.

yeah, i know I have been putting up with a lot. Actually we both have because I haven't been the best girlfriend either. I know some sense has been knocked out of my head. It's just that we have been fighting a lot lately on a daily basis for a month now to the point that we both are mentally exhausted, thus, I am avoiding any confrontational talks right now.

I am planning on taking a week's break and then have a serious talk with him about this. I don't want to make him feel like I am blaming him but at the same time I want to make it known that he isn't respecting my feelings and that there needs to be a great amount of understanding between couples for a relationship to last. I hope he understands this of all the things because if he continues to remain stubborn, I'll be left with no choice but to give up on us.

Posted by gia

yeah, i know I have been putting up with a lot. Actually we both have because I haven't been the best girlfriend either. I know some sense has been knocked out of my head. It's just that we have been fighting a lot lately on a daily basis for a month now to the point that we both are mentally exhausted, thus, I am avoiding any confrontational talks right now.

I am planning on taking a week's break and then have a serious talk with him about this. I don't want to make him feel like I am blaming him but at the same time I want to make it known that he isn't respecting my feelings and that there needs to be a great amount of understanding between couples for a relationship to last. I hope he understands this of all the things because if he continues to remain stubborn, I'll be left with no choice but to give up on us.

Listen to what you’re saying. Look at what it takes for you to consider “giving up”. Then look at what it takes for him consider putting you and him in a really bad situation. Equal? I think not.

Let me tell you this: don’t come here asking for advice when you’re not really interested in listening. Your idealized version of your relationship and your boyfriend will only end up hurting you. You. But don’t waste our time when your mind is secretly made up and you’ll go against what’s advised just to show allegiance to a toxic person and relationship. That’s part of the cycle.

If you’re just trying to vent, start journaling.

I think it's because that's how he has been brought up. He once told me that he was always stubborn since he was a kid - he used to ask for too many stupid expensive things from his dad and his dad used to buy all of those for him because he loved him so much. He used to fulfill all his wishes no matter what they were. He acknowledges that it's not exactly a very good thing as it means spoiling him.

So, I think for him, someone fulfilling his every stubborn demand(be it as small or as big or as immature) is a sign that the person loves him.

I know this is no reason why I must be treated like this but I was just diagnosing his behavior.

Posted by Reciprocity8

Posted by gia

yeah, i know I have been putting up with a lot. Actually we both have because I haven't been the best girlfriend either. I know some sense has been knocked out of my head. It's just that we have been fighting a lot lately on a daily basis for a month now to the point that we both are mentally exhausted, thus, I am avoiding any confrontational talks right now.

I am planning on taking a week's break and then have a serious talk with him about this. I don't want to make him feel like I am blaming him but at the same time I want to make it known that he isn't respecting my feelings and that there needs to be a great amount of understanding between couples for a relationship to last. I hope he understands this of all the things because if he continues to remain stubborn, I'll be left with no choice but to give up on us.

Listen to what you’re saying. Look at what it takes for you to consider “giving up”. Then look at what it takes for him consider putting you and him in a really bad situation. Equal? I think not.

Let me tell you this: don’t come here asking for advice when you’re not really interested in listening. Your idealized version of your relationship and your boyfriend will only end up hurting you. You. But don’t waste our time when your mind is secretly made up and you’ll go against what’s advised just to show allegiance to a toxic person and relationship. That’s part of the cycle.

If you’re just trying to vent, start journaling.

click to expand

How are you any different than my boyfriend if according to you giving an opinion means the poster has to follow it.

You folks need to quit your "Either Myway or Highway" attitude. Not only is it rude but also highly insensitive(if you care).

I have been a part of this forum for a long long time helping other posters out. That is my job - to give my opinion, to vent,to share - without being rude or forceful of my opinions. People come here to ask for opinions. 100 people have 100 different opinions. At the end of the day, I have my own right to decide what to do. If you give opinions to people having an attitude that they must follow what you say else it's a waste of your time, then quit your time here.

Absolutely no where did I disregard anyone's opinion. Instead I acknowledged that I understand that this isn't right.

Sorry for wasting your time. I'll delete this post in an hour.

Posted by gia

Posted by Reciprocity8

Posted by gia

yeah, i know I have been putting up with a lot. Actually we both have because I haven't been the best girlfriend either. I know some sense has been knocked out of my head. It's just that we have been fighting a lot lately on a daily basis for a month now to the point that we both are mentally exhausted, thus, I am avoiding any confrontational talks right now.

I am planning on taking a week's break and then have a serious talk with him about this. I don't want to make him feel like I am blaming him but at the same time I want to make it known that he isn't respecting my feelings and that there needs to be a great amount of understanding between couples for a relationship to last. I hope he understands this of all the things because if he continues to remain stubborn, I'll be left with no choice but to give up on us.

Listen to what you’re saying. Look at what it takes for you to consider “giving up”. Then look at what it takes for him consider putting you and him in a really bad situation. Equal? I think not.

Let me tell you this: don’t come here asking for advice when you’re not really interested in listening. Your idealized version of your relationship and your boyfriend will only end up hurting you. You. But don’t waste our time when your mind is secretly made up and you’ll go against what’s advised just to show allegiance to a toxic person and relationship. That’s part of the cycle.

If you’re just trying to vent, start journaling.

How are you any different than my boyfriend if according to you giving an opinion means the poster has to follow it.

You folks need to quit your "Either Myway or Highway" attitude. Not only is it rude but also highly insensitive(if you care).

I have been a part of this forum for a long long time helping other posters out. That is my job - to give my opinion, to vent,to share - without being rude or forceful of my opinions. People come here to ask for opinions. 100 people have 100 different opinions. At the end of the day, I have my own right to decide what to do. If you give opinions to people having an attitude that they must follow what you say else it's a waste of your time, then quit your time here.

Absolutely no where did I disregard anyone's opinion. Instead I acknowledged that I understand that this isn't right.

Sorry for wasting your time. I'll delete this post in an hour.

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🤦🏻‍♀️ How am I different from your boyfriend? I’m a stranger that’s reminding you to value and respect yourself.

All I said was don’t come in here wasting people’s time asking for advice when you’re not even truly being attentive to it. Did you acknowledge the advice? Sure. But you’re not taking it in. That much is clear.

You've received a TON of gems as feedback. Completely up to you to take the advice, or not 🤷 There is something VERY unsettling about this dude enhancing your features. Very disturbing. He may see you as a trophy 🙄 At 22, this is too much mess to have to deal with. Save YOURSELF the heartache and disappointment by getting OUT now. As a woman over 40, life has so much more to offer than repairing and tolerating a broken, disrespectful, manipulative man.

Thank you for your replies guys. I know it's messed up. I am trying to work my way around with him.

I am trying my own way to discipline(couldn't think of an alternate word) him so that his attitude for "special entitlement" tones down. He has to understand that he lacks understanding and this relationship can't work without it.

He gives me adequate attention, takes really good care of me when we are outside, is highly affectionate, and expresses his loving emotions too but it's his extreme stubborn behavior which really gets too controlling many a times. I still manage to take his criticism with a pinch of salt but the stubborn behavior which leads to "Either do this or you'll make me mad and we breakup" attitude which gets overwhelming.

I have seen this exact trait with my Virgo male friend. They both are eerily similar. Only difference is that he's 5 years older to us so he has "kinda" matured now and loosened his stubborn behavior quite a bit with age.

I am more than 100% sure that if this continues, a breakup is bound to happen soon.

Is this typical of a virgo guy?

No, I've dated two and neither of them acted that way. Maybe setting some boundaries from the moment we met helped. Idk

How do i handle this?

My ex isn't controlling but he does try to stay in my life by offering help. He takes care of my car and find reason to come around. Other then that he can't control me because I already see his plan.

With virgos you gotta show them strength while still being a lady.

Posted by Arielle83

Call his bluff and say “ok break up then”.

Say it apathetically and don’t react to what he says next.

He’ll either say you’re done or he’ll say he’s joking.

If he says you’re done, go home and block his number.

If he says he’s joking, say you’re not and go home and block his number.

Thank you!! I'll try this next time. I tried this with my virgo male bestie who is eerily similar to my virgo boyfriend in nature - the extreme stubborn behavior, the threats if things are not done as per their wish, the impulsive aggressive actions, blaming the other person, ugly mouth when teased even a bit, 0 ability to take jokes on them but 100% ability to bully someone else, assuming they are more intelligent than everyone else. Only difference is that since my friend is 5 years older to us he is a wee bit matured now.

You advice worked on my friend each time he did the exact same thing but I doubt if it will work on my boyfriend because he's even more sensitive and egoistic than my virgo friend. But I'll still try it the next time.

Oh and I forgot to mention, I did try this on my virgo guy, last week. He was asking me to email him something I had genuinely deleted but he thought I am making excuses. So he said "I've begged you 100 times and I am warning you that you're making me mad and it will lead to a breakup". I playfully said "okay then breakup". He immediately blocked me from everywhere. Phone,sms, whatsapp,facebook. Hours later he texted a big paragraph on how he's done with me forever and I'm dead for him because I've hurt him way too much. The next day we had to meet in college and we always sit together. I didn't expect him to sit with me but he looked for me when he entered the class and sat next to me. He looked at me and sternly said that we are just best friends now and no amount of begging or explanation will change his mind. That pissed me off because I couldnt believe he could do that over such a small thing. He said he was mad at me for not sending him the email but what made him take the breakup step was the fact that when he said he'll breakup I replied "okay then breakup" so that made him mad and hurt. He said I take him for granted. I got mad at him and I started crying lol. Then he came and hugged and yeah.

Posted by Yodi

With virgos you gotta show them strength while still being a lady.

And this is exactly what I'd like to know...

How do you show strength without offending them? My virguy is just too sensitive. He over-reacts a lot like he has hormonal issues. I even tease him that he behaves worse than a pregnant woman going through major hormonal changes.

Ex Virgo was like this I left him and glad. I'm not sure why you allowing yourself to get walked all over.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Yodi

With virgos you gotta show them strength while still being a lady.

And this is exactly what I'd like to know...

How do you show strength without offending them? My virguy is just too sensitive. He over-reacts a lot like he has hormonal issues. I even tease him that he behaves worse than a pregnant woman going through major hormonal changes.

How do you explain the fact that he changed your photo so you don't look like yourself to show you off to the world? That's not sensitivity. Where did he get the idea that he owns you like that?

click to expand

There's nothing to explain because I know it's not at all right. He does it to himself too. He is too thin and kinda darker in complexion than he'd like so he bulks up himself and lightens up his face by editing. He is way too image conscious and as I have seen in all my virgo people they always think that their decision is the best decision.

According to you and I and the rest of the world he "owns me like that" but according to him it's more about "you're my girlfriend so you need to look perfect in every aspect even if that means a few edits here and there".

When I tell him that it's crazy,fake and a highly insecure behavior to edit your body parts to make you look different than what you are ,he says "best of celebs go under the knife to achieve perfection but this is just a basic editing. Instagram women edit their ass and boobs to look perfect. It's about looking perfect, no matter what you do to achieve that perfection".

Again, before some impulsive people get on to bashing me here assuming that I am defending him, let me make it clear that I am just putting up thoughts,facts and perspectives based on my experience with him and other virgos to give a clearer picture of reality because conclusion based on half baked facts is dangerous.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Yodi

With virgos you gotta show them strength while still being a lady.

And this is exactly what I'd like to know...

How do you show strength without offending them? My virguy is just too sensitive. He over-reacts a lot like he has hormonal issues. I even tease him that he behaves worse than a pregnant woman going through major hormonal changes.

How do you explain the fact that he changed your photo so you don't look like yourself to show you off to the world? That's not sensitivity. Where did he get the idea that he owns you like that?

There's nothing to explain because I know it's not at all right. He does it to himself too. He is too thin and kinda darker in complexion than he'd like so he bulks up himself and lightens up his face by editing. He is way too image conscious and as I have seen in all my virgo people they always think that their decision is the best decision.

According to you and I and the rest of the world he "owns me like that" but according to him it's more about "you're my girlfriend so you need to look perfect in every aspect even if that means a few edits here and there".

When I tell him that it's crazy,fake and a highly insecure behavior to edit your body parts to make you look different than what you are ,he says "best of celebs go under the knife to achieve perfection but this is just a basic editing. Instagram women edit their ass and boobs to look perfect. It's about looking perfect, no matter what you do to achieve that perfection".

Again, before some impulsive people get on to bashing me here assuming that I am defending him, let me make it clear that I am just putting up thoughts,facts and perspectives based on my experience with him and other virgos to give a clearer picture of reality because conclusion based on half baked facts is dangerous.

I'm just shocked that you're allowing this behavior because it is so beyond the pale to me.

Since you're asking for advice, I assume that means you think there is some way to get him to stop doing this. Do you? I doubt there is.

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I understand but for me it has always been that a relationship is something which is supposed to be very strong because of love and it does require a lot of work. I love him despite the way he is. Fights, arguments, irrational behavior is all a part of it. You can't always turn your back and run away quitting each time something happens. I believe in giving my best to make things work and then eventually quit if I see lack of participation.

He makes me want to murder him and there have been countless times when I have felt like just breaking it up but I didn't because it always reminds me of the toughest of times we have been through together and have managed to come out strong as a couple. We work great during very very tough situations of life together as a couple but it's ridiculously horrible when it comes to dealing with silly petty things like these. This makes me believe things have the potential to workout great but with some proper work.

I don't know what's wrong but we have been fighting everyday more than once for over a month now so it's all building up for us(especially for him) so there has been an increase in fights, intolerance and annoying behavior. Imagine constant fights everyday and that too more than once. So this has caused reduced empathy and understanding from his side because he is not as tolerant, sensitive or patient as I am.

That's why I wanted opinions on how to make things work instead of just being told to breakup-as if it's easy(which I will if things don't work out after giving us time and effort).

Cant help you. I have an equally childish one on my hands and we are 34. 😐 34 and I cant even go into how ridiculous things can get. It is for sure laughable, just not in front of them lulz. The anger.... its like they use that to get their way with someone who doesnt like angry behavior. Anyway, I hope yours evolves. I can see it slowly but surely happening in him, but its hell to be dragged thru. If you want to be with him, all you can do is stand your ground and take care of yourself while being the support he needs. If the relationship isnt reciprocal now, it will be hard to balance later but not impossible. My feeling is if more bad than good is coming from the relationship, its time to move on. Im trying to do that very thing. I think it will be good for both of us. Best wishes!!!

Posted by AbbyNormal

Cant help you. I have an equally childish one on my hands and we are 34. 😐 34 and I cant even go into how ridiculous things can get. It is for sure laughable, just not in front of them lulz. The anger.... its like they use that to get their way with someone who doesnt like angry behavior. Anyway, I hope yours evolves. I can see it slowly but surely happening in him, but its hell to be dragged thru. If you want to be with him, all you can do is stand your ground and take care of yourself while being the support he needs. If the relationship isnt reciprocal now, it will be hard to balance later but not impossible. My feeling is if more bad than good is coming from the relationship, its time to move on. Im trying to do that very thing. I think it will be good for both of us. Best wishes!!!

You started off with "Cant help you" but you ended with a valuable piece of advice haha. What you mentioned about the anger is exactly what goes on with him. Too short tempered and impulsive. He gets a really ugly mouth because he won't think even once before hurting you with his words if he feels you have 0.000000..........01% offended his highly sensitive(only towards himself) soul.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Yodi

With virgos you gotta show them strength while still being a lady.

And this is exactly what I'd like to know...

How do you show strength without offending them? My virguy is just too sensitive. He over-reacts a lot like he has hormonal issues. I even tease him that he behaves worse than a pregnant woman going through major hormonal changes.

How do you explain the fact that he changed your photo so you don't look like yourself to show you off to the world? That's not sensitivity. Where did he get the idea that he owns you like that?

There's nothing to explain because I know it's not at all right. He does it to himself too. He is too thin and kinda darker in complexion than he'd like so he bulks up himself and lightens up his face by editing. He is way too image conscious and as I have seen in all my virgo people they always think that their decision is the best decision.

According to you and I and the rest of the world he "owns me like that" but according to him it's more about "you're my girlfriend so you need to look perfect in every aspect even if that means a few edits here and there".

When I tell him that it's crazy,fake and a highly insecure behavior to edit your body parts to make you look different than what you are ,he says "best of celebs go under the knife to achieve perfection but this is just a basic editing. Instagram women edit their ass and boobs to look perfect. It's about looking perfect, no matter what you do to achieve that perfection".

Again, before some impulsive people get on to bashing me here assuming that I am defending him, let me make it clear that I am just putting up thoughts,facts and perspectives based on my experience with him and other virgos to give a clearer picture of reality because conclusion based on half baked facts is dangerous.

I'm just shocked that you're allowing this behavior because it is so beyond the pale to me.

Since you're asking for advice, I assume that means you think there is some way to get him to stop doing this. Do you? I doubt there is.

I understand but for me it has always been that a relationship is something which is supposed to be very strong because of love and it does require a lot of work. I love him despite the way he is. Fights, arguments, irrational behavior is all a part of it. You can't always turn your back and run away quitting each time something happens. I believe in giving my best to make things work and then eventually quit if I see lack of participation.

He makes me want to murder him and there have been countless times when I have felt like just breaking it up but I didn't because it always reminds me of the toughest of times we have been through together and have managed to come out strong as a couple. We work great during very very tough situations of life together as a couple but it's ridiculously horrible when it comes to dealing with silly petty things like these. This makes me believe things have the potential to workout great but with some proper work.

I don't know what's wrong but we have been fighting everyday more than once for over a month now so it's all building up for us(especially for him) so there has been an increase in fights, intolerance and annoying behavior. Imagine constant fights everyday and that too more than once. So this has caused reduced empathy and understanding from his side because he is not as tolerant, sensitive or patient as I am.

That's why I wanted opinions on how to make things work instead of just being told to breakup-as if it's easy(which I will if things don't work out after giving us time and effort).

How long have the two of you been at it?

The reason I've been so harsh about this, other than being a bit tired and cranky today, is that I don't see what you're describing as petty at all. He's crossing your boundaries and overriding your autonomy. He doesn't value being a real and genuine person, and he wants to control that about you as well. That's about as deep and to the core as you can get when it comes to personal issues.

I've been married a long time. We've made it through some terrible times. He used to use a number of verbal abuse techniques with me to avoid taking responsibility for things. I almost left him for that, so he changed. He never would have presumed to tell me how to dress, wear my hair, act, talk, think...you get my drift? Does he respect who you are?

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We just completed 1 year of our relationship 2 weeks ago. He took me on a date after college, brought me a pair of jeans as gift, texted me if I reached home safe so he does do all that.

I completely understand your take on editing the image part. If I were you, I'd have given the exact same opinion to someone. Two reasons why I didn't react to it right now :

1) We have been fighting a lot every single day for a bit over a month now so it's all building up. 1 more big fight and it will straight lead to a breakup. I just want us to spend at least 1 week in nothing but peace and some love with no fights. I haven't been the best girlfriend in this past 1 month either. When I feel the dust has settled and his aggression has calmed and his empathy has returned, that's when I plan to talk about it in depth.

2) I had talked to him about it months ago when I saw him editing his body before uploading it on IG. He has this disturbingly flawed concept of perfection. Because he is someone who prioritizes looks more than anything, he is obsessed with perfecting that aspect of his and mine. I even fought with him once when he edited my face and body(made my face slimmer, my hips curvier and my boobs bigger). I cried and told him he doesn't love me for who I am. His response? I am doing this so you can look at this perfect image of you and work your ass off to get to look this perfect. I am helping you become the best version of you and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't change your inner person. No matter how I edit or what I edit, you will still remain the same person from within who shouldn't change and whom I love. And then he'll talk about how celebs go under the knife to achieve perfection and how there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Girl this isn’t a Virgo thing. You need to leave, do not justify anything else. You’ve already listed so many things. This is not something a simple astrology spell can fix, seriously. This is a damaged-wack-guy thing.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by gia

Posted by Yodi

With virgos you gotta show them strength while still being a lady.

And this is exactly what I'd like to know...

How do you show strength without offending them? My virguy is just too sensitive. He over-reacts a lot like he has hormonal issues. I even tease him that he behaves worse than a pregnant woman going through major hormonal changes.

How do you explain the fact that he changed your photo so you don't look like yourself to show you off to the world? That's not sensitivity. Where did he get the idea that he owns you like that?

There's nothing to explain because I know it's not at all right. He does it to himself too. He is too thin and kinda darker in complexion than he'd like so he bulks up himself and lightens up his face by editing. He is way too image conscious and as I have seen in all my virgo people they always think that their decision is the best decision.

According to you and I and the rest of the world he "owns me like that" but according to him it's more about "you're my girlfriend so you need to look perfect in every aspect even if that means a few edits here and there".

When I tell him that it's crazy,fake and a highly insecure behavior to edit your body parts to make you look different than what you are ,he says "best of celebs go under the knife to achieve perfection but this is just a basic editing. Instagram women edit their ass and boobs to look perfect. It's about looking perfect, no matter what you do to achieve that perfection".

Again, before some impulsive people get on to bashing me here assuming that I am defending him, let me make it clear that I am just putting up thoughts,facts and perspectives based on my experience with him and other virgos to give a clearer picture of reality because conclusion based on half baked facts is dangerous.

I'm just shocked that you're allowing this behavior because it is so beyond the pale to me.

Since you're asking for advice, I assume that means you think there is some way to get him to stop doing this. Do you? I doubt there is.

I understand but for me it has always been that a relationship is something which is supposed to be very strong because of love and it does require a lot of work. I love him despite the way he is. Fights, arguments, irrational behavior is all a part of it. You can't always turn your back and run away quitting each time something happens. I believe in giving my best to make things work and then eventually quit if I see lack of participation.

He makes me want to murder him and there have been countless times when I have felt like just breaking it up but I didn't because it always reminds me of the toughest of times we have been through together and have managed to come out strong as a couple. We work great during very very tough situations of life together as a couple but it's ridiculously horrible when it comes to dealing with silly petty things like these. This makes me believe things have the potential to workout great but with some proper work.

I don't know what's wrong but we have been fighting everyday more than once for over a month now so it's all building up for us(especially for him) so there has been an increase in fights, intolerance and annoying behavior. Imagine constant fights everyday and that too more than once. So this has caused reduced empathy and understanding from his side because he is not as tolerant, sensitive or patient as I am.

That's why I wanted opinions on how to make things work instead of just being told to breakup-as if it's easy(which I will if things don't work out after giving us time and effort).

How long have the two of you been at it?

The reason I've been so harsh about this, other than being a bit tired and cranky today, is that I don't see what you're describing as petty at all. He's crossing your boundaries and overriding your autonomy. He doesn't value being a real and genuine person, and he wants to control that about you as well. That's about as deep and to the core as you can get when it comes to personal issues.

I've been married a long time. We've made it through some terrible times. He used to use a number of verbal abuse techniques with me to avoid taking responsibility for things. I almost left him for that, so he changed. He never would have presumed to tell me how to dress, wear my hair, act, talk, think...you get my drift? Does he respect who you are?

We just completed 1 year of our relationship 2 weeks ago. He took me on a date after college, brought me a pair of jeans as gift, texted me if I reached home safe so he does do all that.

I completely understand your take on editing the image part. If I were you, I'd have given the exact same opinion to someone. Three reasons why I didn't react to it right now :

1) We have been fighting a lot every single day for a bit over a month now so it's all building up. 1 more big fight and it will straight lead to a breakup. I just want us to spend at least 1 week in nothing but peace and some love with no fights. I haven't been the best girlfriend in this past 1 month either. When I feel the dust has settled and his aggression has calmed and his empathy has returned, that's when I plan to talk about it in depth.

2) I had talked to him about it months ago when I saw him editing his body before uploading it on IG. He has this disturbingly flawed concept of perfection. Because he is someone who prioritizes looks more than anything, he is obsessed with perfecting that aspect of his and mine. I even fought with him once when he edited my face and body(made my face slimmer, my hips curvier and my boobs bigger). I cried and told him he doesn't love me for who I am. His response? I am doing this so you can look at this perfect image of you and work your ass off to get to look this perfect. I am helping you become the best version of you and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't change your inner person. No matter how I edit or what I edit, you will still remain the same person from within who shouldn't change and whom I love. And then he'll talk about how celebs go under the knife to achieve perfection and how there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Well, that's what he thinks. I notice you're not saying that's what you think, and I assume that's because you know what he thinks is sad and unhealthy. Does he allow you to control him back or is he also a chauvinist?

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I will take that as his 21 yrs old snobbish self who is too self conscious over looks who will hopefully mature in few years time.

I never actually tried controlling him in those aspects. I never told him do this,do that etc. He definitely has a chauvinistic nature to him but in cases where I feel some girl is trying to mess up with our relationship and I point it out to him and warn him not to talk much to her, he respects it and maintains his distance.

Posted by Sunsetvirgo

Girl this isn’t a Virgo thing. You need to leave, do not justify anything else. You’ve already listed so many things. This is not something a simple astrology spell can fix, seriously. This is a damaged-wack-guy thing.

I hear you

Posted by NoName282

Posted by gia

My title says it all - how frustrated I am. How can someone lack even basic to basic sense of understanding ?!?! Is this a Virgo thing or my boyfriend is just being a controlling jerk? He has to have everything his way and if I don't, then he gets so mad that he doesn't even hesitate breaking up. You'll laugh at the immaturity if I give you 1 example which happened less than 5 minutes ago.

We both are working on an important project which is expensive and we are equally contributing but he's paying from his card and I have transferred my amount of share to his account. We are supposed to buy some important parts for the project today and we can't delay it any further so he's suppose to make the payment today. Yesterday, I changed my whatsapp display photo and he said that it looks bad and i am must change it. I changed it to something else and again he said it looks bad. So I asked him for his opinion because he has tonnes of photos of me clicked by him. He picked out one and asked me to change it to that. Now the thing with that photo is that he altered the original photo and edited and increased the size of my boobs and ass (weird, IK!!).

I have cousins and family on whatsapp and they are pretty conservative(I told him about it) and so I put up the original photo as my DP and not the altered one which he asked me to. HE STOPPED TALKING and it didn't make sense to me because i told him the reason!! Half an hour ago I texted him that he's gotto pay now for the project else we'll be screwed. He said "first change your DP, or forget about the project".

I can't believe that the guy lacks basic sense of understanding. Is this typical of a virgo guy? How do i handle this? I can't let him control me this way. He clearly lacks understanding,even basic sense of it. A relationship can never ever work this way. Please don't bash him,I've done that already. I just need some good suggestions on how to handle this behavior.

Thanks!!

Pisces and Virgos don't get a long

(talking from experience - my parents)

click to expand

I have read it all over the internet that it can be either a hit or a miss relationship. It all depends on how much can you adjust.

Do you mind sharing some bits about their relationship? as to why and how they don't get along? Feel free to ignore if it's too personal xD

Does the picture has anything to do with a project?

He's an immature virgo (given his age) so his negative qualities are more apparent now since he's not mastered the control of it yet. Virgos can be very controlling because they do have an inner complex that makes them see flaws in everyone else. they're just as hard on themselves too. My tip for dealing with it is to explain to him logically and honestly in a conversation why doing something a specific way is important to you. dont argue or force things, just tell him "I feel comfortable doing this because xyz". as harsh as virgos are, they are understanding and will listen.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by gia

Posted by Arielle83

Call his bluff and say “ok break up then”.

Say it apathetically and don’t react to what he says next.

He’ll either say you’re done or he’ll say he’s joking.

If he says you’re done, go home and block his number.

If he says he’s joking, say you’re not and go home and block his number.

Thank you!! I'll try this next time. I tried this with my virgo male bestie who is eerily similar to my virgo boyfriend in nature - the extreme stubborn behavior, the threats if things are not done as per their wish, the impulsive aggressive actions, blaming the other person, ugly mouth when teased even a bit, 0 ability to take jokes on them but 100% ability to bully someone else, assuming they are more intelligent than everyone else. Only difference is that since my friend is 5 years older to us he is a wee bit matured now.

You advice worked on my friend each time he did the exact same thing but I doubt if it will work on my boyfriend because he's even more sensitive and egoistic than my virgo friend. But I'll still try it the next time.

Oh and I forgot to mention, I did try this on my virgo guy, last week. He was asking me to email him something I had genuinely deleted but he thought I am making excuses. So he said "I've begged you 100 times and I am warning you that you're making me mad and it will lead to a breakup". I playfully said "okay then breakup". He immediately blocked me from everywhere. Phone,sms, whatsapp,facebook. Hours later he texted a big paragraph on how he's done with me forever and I'm dead for him because I've hurt him way too much. The next day we had to meet in college and we always sit together. I didn't expect him to sit with me but he looked for me when he entered the class and sat next to me. He looked at me and sternly said that we are just best friends now and no amount of begging or explanation will change his mind. That pissed me off because I couldnt believe he could do that over such a small thing. He said he was mad at me for not sending him the email but what made him take the breakup step was the fact that when he said he'll breakup I replied "okay then breakup" so that made him mad and hurt. He said I take him for granted. I got mad at him and I started crying lol. Then he came and hugged and yeah.

He’s insecure and he’s testing your feelings.

He wants a reaction.

I’m saying to do that to give yourself space from him to see what you want.

Not to see if he’ll beg for you.

It’s all push and pull to see who has the upper hand.

You gotta step back and clear your head of this drama.

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He definitely is insecure. Actually a lot ,internally. And I only see it.

I know it's not a good thing to say but he sees how much our classmates respect me and ask for my opinions right in front of him, and our professors praise me a lot right in front of him, and this guy from our class looks at me way too much(and my bf hates him). He puts me down by making me feel like I am stupid and I look bad. I realized it all stems from his own insecurity that everyone at college respects me so much. When he realizes it's hurtful and he's crossing the line,he'll stop.

And you're absolutely right about wanting the reaction. He has this habit of teasing people to see how they react.

About stepping back - he said he needs a little break after college is done because he has to focus on an entrance exam he has been preparing for. I think that will be a good time where we'll be focused on our own thing and some space from each other and meet once or twice a month. Gives time to clear your head.

Posted by greylatern

Posted by gia

Posted by NoName282

Posted by gia

My title says it all - how frustrated I am. How can someone lack even basic to basic sense of understanding ?!?! Is this a Virgo thing or my boyfriend is just being a controlling jerk? He has to have everything his way and if I don't, then he gets so mad that he doesn't even hesitate breaking up. You'll laugh at the immaturity if I give you 1 example which happened less than 5 minutes ago.

We both are working on an important project which is expensive and we are equally contributing but he's paying from his card and I have transferred my amount of share to his account. We are supposed to buy some important parts for the project today and we can't delay it any further so he's suppose to make the payment today. Yesterday, I changed my whatsapp display photo and he said that it looks bad and i am must change it. I changed it to something else and again he said it looks bad. So I asked him for his opinion because he has tonnes of photos of me clicked by him. He picked out one and asked me to change it to that. Now the thing with that photo is that he altered the original photo and edited and increased the size of my boobs and ass (weird, IK!!).

I have cousins and family on whatsapp and they are pretty conservative(I told him about it) and so I put up the original photo as my DP and not the altered one which he asked me to. HE STOPPED TALKING and it didn't make sense to me because i told him the reason!! Half an hour ago I texted him that he's gotto pay now for the project else we'll be screwed. He said "first change your DP, or forget about the project".

I can't believe that the guy lacks basic sense of understanding. Is this typical of a virgo guy? How do i handle this? I can't let him control me this way. He clearly lacks understanding,even basic sense of it. A relationship can never ever work this way. Please don't bash him,I've done that already. I just need some good suggestions on how to handle this behavior.

Thanks!!

Pisces and Virgos don't get a long

(talking from experience - my parents)

I have read it all over the internet that it can be either a hit or a miss relationship. It all depends on how much can you adjust.

Do you mind sharing some bits about their relationship? as to why and how they don't get along? Feel free to ignore if it's too personal xD

Virgos picses work just fine.

.... after you realise you litterally have to teach each other about yourselves, point of view, and stick to your guns/call each other on our shit. You will have to stop filter as much and speak your mind with a explaination. Opposition relationships can be actually worth having. Communication is key. My picses friend taught me to ease up and stop being so critical. I was the one who engaged this way admittedly. I was new to astrology, so I was very inquisitive in general. The important thing is I worked to understand her and spoke my mind without jugdement on either end.



You already pointed out he is spoiled. Controlling because he has always had his way. It was allowed without concesqunce. Is it his fault he was trained that way? No. It's adult time now.

Anyone else might kick him to the curb but God bless picses. You need to set your boundaries. Remind him when he crosses the line of said line. Focus on understanding and the exchange rather then result at first. Avoid personal attacks.

If things get toxic, don't care how much you care walk away. When you do though let him know why. That way he can't ego up and find a excuse as to why you left other then the truth. Which is his behavior( words and actions).

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Thank you for your reply. You're spot on about literally having to teach each other about our different personality. Communication is the most essential key here and he's not too good at that. I am all up for a fair argument or discussion but when he's angry he just won't listen to one word you say but just keep exploding his angry feelings. He gets highly impulsive, aggressive and ugly mouthed. If you say something bad on the scale of 1/10, he'll hurt you back on the scale of 10/10. That's how he behaves when angry. I call him out on this behavior. I tell him he's too impulsive and irrational when angry and he internally agrees with me. He is way too high on personal attacks.

Sometimes I really wonder just how did he survive in his previous serious relationship of 2.5 years with his Leo ex girlfriend. He used to love her way too much until she cheated on him twice. He said they hardly fought in comparison to how much we do.

I know I haven't been the best girlfriend either because even I have done things which would drive anyone crazy but I am trying to get better for us. I hope this gets better, that's all I hope.

Posted by Gemitatti

Does the picture has anything to do with a project?

naah

At some point, you gotta take a stand, tell a MF off, and let shit fall where it may. What's the worse that can happen? A break-up? You're headed there anyway if he doesn't stop.

Or, you just stone cold ignore. Stone cold ignoring exerts the seemingly umexertable... personal freedom.

Who knows, he might think you have a backbone.

Posted by aquatar1

He's an immature virgo (given his age) so his negative qualities are more apparent now since he's not mastered the control of it yet. Virgos can be very controlling because they do have an inner complex that makes them see flaws in everyone else. they're just as hard on themselves too. My tip for dealing with it is to explain to him logically and honestly in a conversation why doing something a specific way is important to you. dont argue or force things, just tell him "I feel comfortable doing this because xyz". as harsh as virgos are, they are understanding and will listen.

Thank you for your reply. I usually tend to give emotional replies being a Pisces but I understand that I need to be stern and emotionally collected when dealing with him. I'll work on this.

Posted by VenusAquarius

At some point, you gotta take a stand, tell a MF off, and let shit fall where it may. What's the worse that can happen? A break-up? You're headed there anyway if he doesn't stop.

Or, you just stone cold ignore. Stone cold ignoring exerts the seemingly umexertable... personal freedom.

Who knows, he might think you have a backbone.

Now-a-days I have started this policy where I'll ignore his texts when he gets really mean and irrational. That's my way of showing him that hello, I ain't participating in this pointless drama and it feels good.

We have been having pointless fights everyday. Like literally everyday and more than once a day. This has been happening for over a month now and we both don't understand why has this been happening and it has mentally and emotionally drained us out. I am sure this is one of the main reasons why he has been less understanding and empathetic. I don't know if every couple goes through this but I did face this period with my cancerian ex too. Right now I am just trying to avoid any conflict. We both are. We know that if we pass just 1 week without any bickering, all will be good like before.

Posted by gia

Posted by aquatar1

He's an immature virgo (given his age) so his negative qualities are more apparent now since he's not mastered the control of it yet. Virgos can be very controlling because they do have an inner complex that makes them see flaws in everyone else. they're just as hard on themselves too. My tip for dealing with it is to explain to him logically and honestly in a conversation why doing something a specific way is important to you. dont argue or force things, just tell him "I feel comfortable doing this because xyz". as harsh as virgos are, they are understanding and will listen.

Thank you for your reply. I usually tend to give emotional replies being a Pisces but I understand that I need to be stern and emotionally collected when dealing with him. I'll work on this.

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I understand that lol I tend to get emotional when angry, but it doesnt work on certain types, virgos are very logical and detached, you gotta appeal to logic and honesty not his emotions haha. good luck! virgs are tough but worth it.

Posted by aquatar1

Posted by gia

Posted by aquatar1

He's an immature virgo (given his age) so his negative qualities are more apparent now since he's not mastered the control of it yet. Virgos can be very controlling because they do have an inner complex that makes them see flaws in everyone else. they're just as hard on themselves too. My tip for dealing with it is to explain to him logically and honestly in a conversation why doing something a specific way is important to you. dont argue or force things, just tell him "I feel comfortable doing this because xyz". as harsh as virgos are, they are understanding and will listen.

Thank you for your reply. I usually tend to give emotional replies being a Pisces but I understand that I need to be stern and emotionally collected when dealing with him. I'll work on this.

I understand that lol I tend to get emotional when angry, but it doesnt work on certain types, virgos are very logical and detached, you gotta appeal to logic and honesty not his emotions haha. good luck! virgs are tough but worth it.

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what makes you say they're worth it?

I am not saying they aren't. That's the reason why I have been holding up to him. Just curious to know your answer.

Posted by gia

Posted by Yodi

With virgos you gotta show them strength while still being a lady.

And this is exactly what I'd like to know...

How do you show strength without offending them? My virguy is just too sensitive. He over-reacts a lot like he has hormonal issues. I even tease him that he behaves worse than a pregnant woman going through major hormonal changes.

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Damn not "worse then a pregnant woman" 😂😂

I didn't read the thread so idk the details or what stage in the relationship you two are in but if something is bothering me.. I say it.

If It comes off to harsh then I'll reword it and make sure he understands where I'm coming from. Afterwards.. I'm hopping on his lap and taking his mind off of our disagreement. Especially if I started it and is feeling bad 😅

It's hard to explain..

The virgos I know respects you more if you say it str8.