Just felt like sharing

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by Earthy on Tuesday, April 2, 2019 and has 15 replies.

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@Earthy
8 Years

So I have this thing where when I end a relationship/ situationship I always write down my feelings in a book. And since I'm now engaged😁😍😍😍😍 .. I thought maybe it's time to let my " little black book" go.

Wanted to post some pages here since it's the perfect platform ( anonymous)

Feel free to do the same if you like.

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@Earthy
8 Years

What am I feeling?

I'm not sure, I knew he was gone. I waited 5 months to see if he would come for me and he didnt so I knew. Even before then I knew. We had faded! I could feel it.

Some where along the line we had loved each other. He never made it clear and neither did I, but i know that at some point we did- truly.....i felt it. Words weren't needed.

I was moving on- I had gotten myself past the pain. Suffered in silence and I was starting not to think of him every minute of the day on repeat. The emotional tie was breaking. But- ... I had to know, i had to know for sure.

I figured i would hear it in his voice, i figured he would make an excuse not to see me, i figured he would out right reject me with no reason....leaving me with no closure. Like he unknowingly had done already.

I never thought he would say wat he said. Never!!!!!

I felt relieved, I felt sad, and panicked, and hurt!!!!! Becuz with just a few words he had brought all my "wat ifs" to an end.

It felt good, I felt free....and yet I felt this giant hole appear in my chest. Am I bitter?

I wanted a chance. A real one. But i knew that i would never give him one becuz hes waited so long. So why?.. ..I think I just wanted to know he wanted me, and that I wasnt the only one who had regrets, or thought we could have went another way.

I loved him. Not becuz of anything he did (he did nothing to earn it) not becuz of who he was ( I never took the time to learn him) but becuz of how I felt around him. My natural response to him, he brought out things in me that I...cant say I've ever felt before..is that love?

Not just sexual, tho sex was the only way i felt comfortable expressing my feelings to him. His energy was to strong, he made me feel weak... and I lost my voice whenever I would try to speak. So I said nothing. When I wanted to know what we were doing. I said nothing.

When I knew my feelings were getting to strong and I couldn't hold them in a second longer? I vanished- hoped and prayed he would come and find me

But he didnt. My love was on its own... I loved alone.

So how do I feel now....free, lost, regretfuland completely free. But I know that that's not all my fault. There was two of us. And maybe just maybe...I was actually feeling wat I was feeling ... all alone.

So I cant really regret any of wat I didnt do. I loved him purely, with no expectations and without the need to confined him. ..I loved him...and now it's time to put that away.

I wanna cry, but I cant....becuz i never knew if he ever truly loved me. If we lost our love together...I would cry

But becuz I dont think I will ever truly know for sure, it feels like my tears are just stuck in place. Almost falling

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@Earthy
8 Years

What am I feeling

He betrayed me,.... my trust that I gave so freely. Now he wants me back. So I said yes...

Just becuz I want to take his soul and destroy it. Make him feel all the pain that I feel. Make him rethink everything he ever knew -like I feel. Is that wrong?

Do I care that Its wrong? NO

I gave myself to him, ever part of myself. He accepted it, took advantage of it, then trashed it. It hurts so damn bad.

I'm bitter, I know I'm bitter....

And when I'm done he will be bitter too. So yes let's work it out " no matter what" right babe!!!!!

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@Earthy
8 Years

Posted by saggurl88

These are beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Are you engaged to the person you were writing about?

No these are my past situations....but I have one for him too.....I just wont post that one.

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@Earthy
8 Years

What am I feeling

DIFFERENT

Things are different,

Once a smile on a handsome face

Now a half moon signaling disgrace

A heart that bleed with love unconditionally

Now a wound that bleeds beyond uncontrollably

The aching numbness of love lost

The stinging burning of a love crossed

Now the moons have changed ;

The beautiful moons of blue and yellow strings.

Pass with moons of red and black

Shall the difference of moons ever come back

Maybe it's best not to look at the moon; then you cant see the difference

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@Earthy
8 Years

Posted by HippeeGem

Posted by Earthy

I'll post more tomorrow

Apparently I write alot😂😂

You write so freely, I think that’s admirable and shows your bravery. I love to write and can’t share. I did once, I wrote a book and was almost done and shared a bit of it with a few friends, my kiddos, and my ex husband. I never finished it. I always want to, though I make excuses and am my own worst enemy some days.

I only shared the prologue and every person in there own way told me they got chills or cried. Which is what I was completely going for.

You’re writing about your own personal experiences is a beautiful thing. It’s honest and real. And meaningful.

Congrats on your engagement 🙏

click to expand

Awww thank u so much...

I'm actually really really emotional ( cancer moon) but I can never Express my feelings to the person I want to...they never seem to come out.

So writing in my book helps me release without feeling vulnerable which I hate

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@Mag96
7 Years

I'm happy for your engagement.

I'm sad and I can truly feel what you felt from the pass. Its how I feel now. Thanks for giving me hope I'll be happy someday.