No offense...But are 3rd decan virgos asexual? (Page 2)

Or then again, he might just say 'Gee, I hadn't thought about it' 😉 ...

"I'm seeing the flip side to that though... If you want someone to provide emotional security and the way they are doesn't give you that - then doesn't that mean you are asking them to change and make you THEIR cause?"

Yep, I guess it would mean that. And, I know that the Virgo can't change. However, they would ask me to, so, there is no common ground.

Verdict in . . . not a good match.

When I ask my Virgo what needs to be done, what comprises can be made, or anything about our relationship and any issues he has within it, the answer is always the same:

More sex

Nothing more, there are no problems, there is nothing that is lacking, or needed, nothing except a blank stare and a hard-on waiting in anticipation.

Verdict in . . . not a good match.

Maybe, or maybe not. Sometimes it's really only a small adjustment that could be make. We just need to figure out what it is so we can ask for that. We all know that the tiniest things can make a difference sometimes. The way someone looks at you, touches you—

I wonder sometimes if I just had the nerve to ask, but if the other person didn't want to give me what I ask for then I would be pretty devastated because it takes so much for me to ask in the first place. Sigh...

Nothing more, there are no problems, there is nothing that is lacking, or needed,

Yup - I feel ya... My ex was like that. His answer was always 'I don't see any problem. There isn't one here unless you make one.' His exact words. Made me feel like the worse piece of crap.

At one time, I used to think like you did, LS. It was ok and acceptable to comprise my many different and vast feelings about topics, issues. Understanding the Virgo seemed easy for many years, accepting him, comprimising myself to fit his ideals of the meaning of a relationship.

But, after many, many, many years . . I know full well in my heart that the only thing he wants is to get laid. And, I've even tested my theory. If I put-out, his whole demeanor and out-look changes.

He'll do anything for me, he'll walk through fire for me, he's the most compatible person for my nature there is on the universe . . so long as he's getting laid and not having to put forth any effort in my emotional well-being.

Well, I'm female . . not male. I am emotions, that is what drives me. Not nurturing my emotions, and only wanting my physical body is not giving me what I need to feel like a woman. I have so many diamonds, I could start my own mine . . but, I don't have his emotinal support.

Pisces with moon in Cancer woman, like myself . . can't handle material things. I don't want material things, I don't need material things.

I don't feel needed and a cherished woman just because I have a vagina.

That is the Virgo. So many of them have come in here and stated so, Branh, VG62, FC, to name a few (Dyr excluded because he is not like his kind) . . they've all stated that they are no longer with their women because they weren't getting laid enough, instead, the women wanted them there emotoionally . . what did they do . . leave.

Theere was no comprimising . . put-out, without having to nurture her feelings . . or the relatinship is over

"There isn't one here unless you make one.' His exact words. Made me feel like the worse piece of crap."

So, needing to feel secure and nurtured emotionally is making a problem that doesn't exist?

This is the male Virgo . . again, who is the right partner for them? Who doesn't care about feeling like a complete and loved person, so long as material things are provided?

Damn it, I have to stop. I don't want to talk about my problems openly.

done

"subcumbing or acting out the "right" emotional gesture so you can feel "appeased" is just as shallow as him wanting sex to do what he needs to do. You're looking for issues that don't even exist"

Voila . . a Virgo confirms what we've said is gospel.

Acting out the right emotional gesture to feel appeased is NOT my point, or my desire, Branh, though, you as a Virgo would believe that and then say a woman is looking for a problem that doesn't exist.

Acting? wtf . . .

If you wouldn't shrug off intimacy, you might just find that somewhere deep inside you might actually have the desire to want to make an emotional gesture for her sake, for her happiness, rather than appeasing her so she'll fuck you.

News Flash, Branh . . most men WANT their women to want them for who they are, and the love and care they provide. Most men feel passion and concern for their women, they want them to be happy and have a fulfilling life and dont' process taking care of their needs as "acting out just to appease"

So, needing to feel secure and nurtured emotionally is making a problem that doesn't exist?

Well, it was for HIM. This is way beyond star-sign stuff though, he was a Pisces.

Here's a different twist though, with him it wasn't about getting laid. He never seemed to give a crap if he even had sex with me. But what he wanted was the other perks of the relationship. First, the appearance that he had a good woman, family etc. Second, that he got fed, his laundry done etc. Maybe I have the order wrong LOL. And he too was willing to be a good provider in exchange for all that. Those were HIS needs, and as Branh so eloquently put it, he 'put up with my crap' to get it.

What is comes down too is whether that is OK with us or not. But all of us are mostly focussed on getting our own needs met, whatever they are. I guess we're back to the 'compatibility' issue.

P-Angel,

I know I've mentioned before but I hear exactly what you say and I must say that I completely understand you.

When it comes to emotions Virgo men seem to shut off and tend to be too left brained (logical) in their reasoning - they are so out of sync and shut off from their right brain side (emotion, creativity) They assume that providing or being of service fulfils emotional needs....and hence why most pursue ambitions to get to the top and many are - bringing in lots of money.

They just don't understand the REAL meaning of intimacy being deeper than the physical act.

Did your Virgo shrug off compliments too? I am getting sick of giving compliments, being deep and showing I feel to get nothing in return.

Gosh it sure hurts.

Maybe P-Angel, we just feel we could/can save the Virgo's from themselves....all I can say is that even though very hard work emotionally, they can be addictive.

So, so frustrating.

DD25

Branh, you know what . . you're a person who can see inbetween the lines . . do you ever hear me crying? Do you hear me demanding or wanting desperately for people to stroke my emotions? I state opinions, to be sure. But, emotionally needy?

I stand tall and firm without any forces behind me on most everything, that is obvious to everybody. In fact, people can attest that when they PM me, rarely do I respond. Have you ever seen me attempt to rally people to my cause? I stand alone and confident in my convictions . . why? Because I am NOT emotionally needy.

Emotionally needy? See, that is how it is viewed by a Virgo. Because intimacy is NOT shared with your partner's, you can't decipher who is emotinally needy and who isn't. For a woman to NEED to have her emotions supported, isn't being needy and a burden. That's how you view it,being a male Virgo . . a burden because we have this baggage, from your reasoning.

So, if a woman is emotionally neglected, which the male Virgo will unboubtedly do, since they shrug off intimacy, then the woman has nobody to share her feelings with, and makes her needy?

If you don't feed a child, do you yell at them for being hungry?
If your dog is whimpering because you beat them, do you go out and beat them again for whimpering?

That's like Judge Judy's famous saying: Don't pee on my foot and tell me it's raining.

If you neglect your woman, Branh, then the fault is YOURS . . not hers.

And, no . . you're wrong . . "Men do stuff for women so that they'll shut the fuck up."

YOU may do this, but, most men don't. At least, they don't in the aspect that we are referring to. They may if she's bitching, or nagging incestantly . . but, we're not talking about that. We're talking about her womanly needs and how a man shows her that he loves her and wants her to feel whole in her life.

See, you can't even decipher the difference between what she NEEDS and what she wants. Why, because there is no intimacy . . without that, how are you suppose to know what a woman needs vs. what she wants?

She wants you to do something for her, that's why she's fussing and won't shut the hell up about it. And, you have no clue as to the difference.

But this is the way life is P_Angel.

He hasn't changed. Your needs have changed.

*** If I put-out, his whole demeanor and out-look changes.

Stop using sex as a weapon. He needs sex to feel loved. Most men are this way.

** I am emotions, that is what drives me.

sorry to be blunt, but your emotions are YOUR problem not his.

** "There isn't one here unless you make one.'

Yeah. My ex said that. You need to state the problem in one clear sentence. "I would prefer that you did this." THAT they can handle. They can't handle long drawn out emotional tawks.

** Who doesn't care about feeling like a complete and loved person, so long as material things are provided?

Being complete is an issue within self. It isn't an issue for the relationship. If you are unhappy, that is YOUR responsibility. No one can give it to you.

I felt like completely loved by my virgo ex. I still do even though we aren't together anymore. I feel safe and loved because although he isn't interested in my emotional dramas (and he isn't) I know he loves me because he will do anything in his power to ensure that I am happy, safe, and taken care of. To me ... that is love.

Branh,

Being a Capricorn I can be cold too. I am no bullbutter artist and certainly don't appreciate people who judge by hitting hard and judging others FEELINGS. No matter what star-sign you are that is.

What I have and I am sure I stand for P-Angel too is a pure HEART and pure HONESTY. I am not ashamed of that.

I hate drama. It repels me. I fight it away.

I am down to earth, strong mentally, independent and successful in my own right.

I don't need compliments. If you hear what I am saying you will see that Virgo's like yourself don't like being GENUINELY from the HEART complimented. Yes, I've learnt my lesson here.

I can be blunt and emotionless too. It's another useful function of being a versatile, enigmatic and smart female.

Enjoy.

DD25

Whew - that 'needy' word sure raises everyone's hackles...

Like P-Angel is saying, being needy and having needs aren't the same at all when you look at it in the perspective of physical needs (food, sex whatever) but when you bring up emotional needs, that's where the line gets blurred.

OK Branh, I'm curious - from your perspecive...

If I need a cup of coffee, am I needy or do I just have a need for some caffiene?
If I am tired, am I needy or do I just have a need for some sleep?
If I need a hug, am I needy or do I have a need for some affection?

** Because I am NOT emotionally needy.

** Emotionally needy? See, that is how it is viewed by a Virgo. Because intimacy is NOT shared with your partner's, you can't decipher who is emotinally needy and who isn't. For a woman to NEED to have her emotions supported, isn't being needy and a burden.

** So, if a woman is emotionally neglected, which the male Virgo will unboubtedly do, since they shrug off intimacy, then the woman has nobody to share her feelings with, and makes her needy?

P_Angel

With all do respect, I see what Branh sees. I do see you as emotionally needy because you are asking for this man to make you happy.

You should have tons of people in your life to share your feelings with.

We are pack animals. We need community. Without community and other people to share our feelings and thoughts with, we become distressed and upset. But the thing is, we need to share with *MANY* people. One person does not a community or a pack make. We have put all this burden on our lovers to be our everything. Our community should be our everything.

I realize this is going to piss you off to no end but it is kindly meant. I think this is a blind spot in you.

And trust me, at the end of my relationship with my last virgo ... I was RAGING angry because he wasn't fufilling me. We are no longer together because he says he didn't make me happy. The truth was it was never really his problem. I was unbalance because I was expecting him to make me happy instead of living a balance life where he was part of my happiness.

Perhaps some time and distance from this man would help.

Know that I only wish you joy.

I think I know men better than you do, Branh, though, you are one.

Let me ask you . . how many times have you had a man wrapped in your arms, while you stroked him, listening to his concerns and fears?

Men, non-Virgo's, desire to have their woman to want them and need them and accept them for the people they are, to share in their aspirations, to comfort them when the world seems bleak . . just as women need and want.

No doubt, only YOU can say how you feel and how you process things . . but, every man I've ever had a connection with who WASN'T a Virgo, shares these moments, just as fully and endearingly as women.

You don't know this, because you've never shared intimate moments with a man. Furthermore, you can't comprehend how to love woman, either, because you've never shared intimate moments with a woman.

You can only see that you have to give her something so she'll shut the fuck up, because fuck is the only thing you've experienced.

Maybe I don't know the real you, but, I know men . . and, I know that the male Virgo is far from being the man every other sign is to his woman.

LS

"I do see you as emotionally needy because you are asking for this man to make you happy."

Because wanting my man to make me happy is something he shouldn't want to do?

Sorry, LS, you'll never get me to agree with your logic. I won't ever view that a woman doesn't deserve to be happy, through her partner, as being needy. That is how a partnership works, when there is love between two people.

P_Angel

I HAVE had that with a Virgo man.

You do deserve to be happy but you are responsible for your own happiness. No one is going to complete you ... you have to complete yourself and fufill YOURSELF.

Why do people think that because P-Angel knows that fulfilment goes so much deeper than other people can ACTUALLY comprehend that she's needy?

Branh have you found the perfect relationship? and you LS?.

I am defending P-Angel cos I can see that she is more evolved. She's wiser than many of you can even comprehend.

Impossible to piss me off, LS. An emotionally needy person might get mad, but, I am not one of them.

Really, what I feel is not anger at all, rather, sadness . . no, not sadness, something else that I'm not sure of. Maybe it's feeling your numbness.

"You should have tons of people in your life to share your feelings with.

We are pack animals. We need community. Without community and other people to share our feelings and thoughts with, we become distressed and upset. But the thing is, we need to share with *MANY* people. One person does not a community or a pack make. We have put all this burden on our lovers to be our everything. Our community should be our everything."

Our community should be our everything? Not the one who loves us? Alright, if you believe this to be true, then you can't relate to my feelings of being female. I'm talking about interpersonal intimacy with your partner . . not the world.

Perhaps, you are the perfect partner for the Virgo, then. I'm not and will never take the view that the person to whom I am bound is many, rather than the one who can speak to my heart.

"a Virgo will never feel that he needs you. He may desire you, he may want you, he may want your company, but he will never feel that he needs you."

Yes, I realize this, finally, after many, many, many years of desiring for my man to need me the way I need him to need me and want me.

It's taken me a long time, for ages, I've lived with blinders on, thinking that a Virgo can FEEL me . . but, he can't . . he can only want.

Thank you DD25, and ScorpGal, for seeing past my opinions and understanding as my heart speaks about what makes a person feel worthy and wanted inside a union, based on love, nurturing and compassion, rather than wants, compromises and duties of gender.

However, the torment that has been caused by making the decision to walk away from a marriage of over 24 years isn't lightened from my pain heart by having a community of people relate to my feelings. So much for that theory !!!!

LS, I know you were talking from your heart and I appreciate that, as well.

I have to go now, for listening to Branh only re-inforces the reasons why I have every reason to want to be a woman and have a fulfilling life with someone who truly CARES about wanting me to be happy by wanting to touch within me, what drives me, what moves me . . rather than, giving me money to go shopping, or giving in to get me to shut the fuck up.

In my time for emotional support, I will withdraw from the community, as my Piscean nature would predict, and find strength in my solitude . . which is being non-emotionally needy, Branh. The Pisces weeps alone and surfaces when they are strong and confident . . the opposite of what you believe.

See everyone in a couple weeks, or months, how ever long it takes to push the numbness away and let FEELING come back, where it belongs within me.

Take care P-Angel and remember you deserve the very best :-)

DD25

It sounds to me like you people live in sparsely populated regions where there isn't much competition that would have made the Virgo guy have to be agressive at some point in his life. For example, if a Virgo is in a small town, and may not have a natural inclination to be agressive, then he will probably never be agressive in at all.

Yeah uh Bran We both live in Detroit....I wouldn't consider that sparsely populated. But your definiton could be different than mine

*** Our community should be our everything? Not the one who loves us?

Yes. By our community ... I mean a community of our friends, our families, it isn't just one person. It is an extended network of people who love us.

What I have found with Virgos is they have a need for you happiness. They NEED you to be happy. If you aren't happy, they see themselves as failures and withdraw. If you are sharing your unhappiness, there is no place for them to share their unhappiness. They feel they have to be strong and can't burden you because it would be adding to your unhappiness.

I do mean well P_Angel.

may love find you.

🙂

And DAMN you for making me agree with Branh. lol!

Perhaps, on some level, you and this man are just incompatible and unable to give each other what you both need. It happens. It isn't fun when it does.

Honestly like I said everything else is great we are both dealing with a lot in our lives and I support him...he's opening up to me and trusting me and I the same of him. I feel more as if it is his physical insecurity that is getting in the way more so than his views of sex itself.

Detroit? Well the women there are just desperate.

I see Bran and this is based off of—— I am a woman who was born and raised in Detroit I currently reside in Lansing because I am a Law Student and trust me sweetie I nor my friends, associates or family have EVER been desperate for a man so much we sacrifice our standards! Sorry but this is one subject where you have to take the subjective viewpoint.

I could say to you Atlanta has all down low brothers. I could say that however I don't live in Atlanta so my viewpoint would be from the outside and hearsay.....let's come a little more concrete huh!

Anyway, I've embraced women in their sad times. I've listened to their concerns, and made a genuine effort to undrestand them. But I've found that this was never enough, they always wanted more. Their emotional needs are too much for the average person to handle.

Again you might want to apply the subjective test. Because if you apply the reasonable person standard all that adds up is that this is the basic want of a reasonable woman therefore leading you to look at it from a subjective point of view to find the missing link and the causation that makes these woman require more from you....

And for that matter there are desperate women EVERYWHERE. Limiting that viewpoint to Detroit is like saying that men in Georgia are dogs. Personally if you seek someone out of desperation than it's because you have hit rock bottom in your continuing life long spiral of not wanting to be accountable for your own happiness and completeness. In addition not wanting to put in the time, effort and money required to become a person that is satisfied and happy individually because they know and have worked tirelessly to increase and maintain their self worth!

*** Perhaps, on some level, you and this man are just incompatible and unable to give each other what you both need. It happens. It isn't fun when it does.

This comment was actually meant for P_Angel.

🙂

Sorry when I get on my soapbox I sat there.....🙂

stay.......that comment about my city has me a little discombobulated

He says things to provoke a reaction.

🙂

Yeah I know...and I like to give people what they want so I say.....come with it! I always try to respond people's requests and give them what they ask for.

I understand vg however I posed it as a question....not a statement....Yeah vg I did like I said I think it's some insecurity he has.....

"Message posted by: little_sparrow on 11/15/2006 10:25:18 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.126
You see you are missing one little element.

Virgos don't want emotional partners. In order to trust the other partner, the partner has to be solid. Also a Virgo doesn't want your help. They want your acceptance. And herein lies the crux of your problem. "

It has always puzzled me why so many virgos confuse being cold and inhuman with being "solid". What's more UN-solid than being completely out of tune with the person that you lie next to each night? Or how about deep-down insecurity that makes you not be able to help yourself but second guess not only your every move but every move that everyone else makes? Nothing is more solid than a real human who doesn't feel the need to remain detached because they are afraid to feel...

"But, after many, many, many years . . I know full well in my heart that the only thing he wants is to get laid. And, I've even tested my theory. If I put-out, his whole demeanor and out-look changes. "

Actually P-Angel most men are like this...I know I am lol...I will putup a WHOLE lot more crap from someone who puts out regularly in a relationship....but then again, I tend to give myself emotionally and provide a feeling of warmth, safety, and security anyway.

Hell you should consider yourself to have had a virgo that even has the words "more sex" in their vocabulary! lol....