Is he an un-evolved Aries or just toxic?

My Chart: Sag rising, cap sun/moon/mercury, Aquarius Venus, libra mars

His Chart: gemini rising, Aries sun, gemini moon, pisces mercury, Aries Venus, taurus mars

I am a Capricorn woman (23) dating an Aries man (22), let’s call him B. I’ll preface by saying I am a bit of a hopeless romantic, and have definitely fallen in love with him over the past 7 months of dating. Coincidentally the only other person I’ve fallen in love with was also an Aries who shared some of the same attributes, but B was much more expressive with his feelings and affectionate with me, which was a huge part of what I was missing in the previous relationship (ended in 2020). When we first started dating we were inseparable, he lived one city over and would often visit for days at a time. He had a husky that he would sometimes leave at home for days at a time (always rubbed me the wrong way, ill get to that). He treated me very well, listened to me, spoiled me, seemed like a genuinely good guy who was interested in me.. was pretty much just the person I’d always wanted to date. We got on so well and never stopped laughing. However, my friends created some drama when they basically banned both of us from outings because B wasn’t their cup of tea. He’s definitely on the quieter more reserved side around people, almost appearing cold or angry even. I definitely tried to make things with my friends work because I’d known them for 10 years vs B for a few months, but when other people around me started to agree that these friendships I was fighting for were toxic, I cut them off. It took me a long time to do that and I put B through a lot beforehand, including trying to get him to apologize to them. I’ve apologized a lot for this since, but I do think he holds some resentment for it, which I dont blame him for. I was blind to their toxicity.

He eventually moved to my city, and gave his dog to a family who lived on a farm. The dog ended up put down by this family. B had also just changed to a high stress job, that wasn’t paying him what they owed him, which he eventually quit. He is also fairly estranged from his family, and has a small circle of friends. There was a lot going on for him and he was stressed. I tried to support him in any way I could, including financially. For about 2 months I was almost entirely supporting him financially except for his rent, and he is paying some of it back, but it definitely took a toll on our relationship. I felt like he was often ungrateful and didn’t recognize how much I did. I’d clean the apartment, buy everything, be there for him when he was down. To be fair, before he moved he supported me through a lot, as I had had an injured back and couldn’t do much for myself. But I felt like B started to get a bit more angry, hurtful with his words, expectant of my help, etc. I figured he was just in a rut. This caused several fights between us, almost at one point approaching a break up. I wanted to hold on because of what I had seen in him for the first few months. It wasn’t all bad, he had his moments of being so loving and kind, a great listener, caring. But I’ve always felt this resentment and anger from him, as if I made him move and give up his dog, that I brought him drama with friends, etc., which he has hinted at.

I’ve always felt he gets angry when I’m having fun without him. He has often commented on my choice of friends, my interests, my drinking (which is funny because he definitely drinks more). He doesn’t like when I go out drinking, something I’ve done maybe twice in the relationship and he’s done several times. He is very judgemental, and I often expect him to react negatively to things or people. He has never been accepting of any guys in my life, and claims “they want to sleep with me” and that “I have a bad judge of character” which makes him question his trust for me. Recently, I had drinks with a few girls and my younger brother and his friends at home, and B sent me a text saying “I’m scared of what I’ve gotten myself into… the kind of life style surrounding me , the kind of people around your life… that you have to change everything(emo night, going night, your guy friends) I don’t want you to change shit but I’m scared you’re not ready to like grow up at some point”. He’s had on and off moments since of being sweet and loving and wanting to be around to me back to this kind of cryptic stuff.

I basically decided to give him a gentle ultimatum. I explained that I need more positivity from him, more recognition/appreciation, more respect in terms of how he talks to me (he often mocks and swears at me in arguments), and for him to be more trusting of me and the fact that I am dedicated to our relationship. I told him I needed these things from him to gain more comfort and safety in our relationship so that I could hopefully move in with him by the end of the year (something he has been pressuring me to do since he moved here). He seemed to be understanding, until last night when he invited me over. He was immediately grumpy when I came in, and made some comment about how I didn’t have a brain for answering his text after I said my Uber driver was scary. I tried to talk to him about a movie I had just seen, but he was very dismissive, saying he doesn’t want to hear about it and he wouldn’t like it. I asked why he had invited me over only to be like that, and I eventually said I’d like to go home because I didn’t want him to be angry with me. He has previously mentioned he doesn’t like when I just “walk out”, so I stuck around for a bit to see if maybe he’d realize how he was acting. I was sending a friend voice notes in his living room, and from his room I heard him say “either shut the fuck up or get out”. I went to his room and said I’d be leaving, gave him a kiss on the forehead and left. When I left, I received a text from B saying “I just dont trust you, idk why.. sorry”. This frustrated me because while I was working and then at the movies with a friend, he had been out drinking with a bunch of people, something he doesnt trust me around and doesnt like when I do. I told him I felt like despite him agreeing with my “ultimatum” , I felt like he hadn’t even tried to attempt anything I’d mentioned. I told him that I was willing to stick around and fix it but he was ultimately too mean. He replied “I don’t know what to do anymore! But I do want to try one thing! I really think we need some space for a bit. Take your space and I’ll take mine. I think it’s my turn to say i need time. To figure my shit out. You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” And that I could “do anything” and he wasn’t expecting me to wait. It felt like some kind of fucked up way that I could ‘prove’ to him that I was serious about us if I was loyal during this time apart. We ended the conversation shortly after and haven’t talked. since. I can’t help but hope it’s a weird phase or mood, but I also dont want to keep putting myself through this.

Overall, I do want things to work, and maybe that’s dumb of me, but he does have so many qualities I admire, and I know he’s capable of a love that I want in my life and hope to reciprocate. He had a really hard upbringing, no real examples of love or family, and is definitely very prideful and difficult to get to open up. I know he’s really been going through it since he moved, and has often made comments about how low he’s feeling and I can’t help but feel this is the source of all of this moodiness and anger. I am at such a loss that I’m now asking for strangers opinions on forums.. I feel almost embarrassed talking to friends about this. Is it doomed? Am I doing something wrong in the way I’m supporting him?

he's not an easy person to deal with and oddly enough i personally identify with him in a lot of ways (i'm a first houser). there are people who've had very little examples of affection from their own families. and no matter how good of a person they are, can't help reveal how they were raised. but by your actions, i feel like you're trying to bait him for a reaction. maybe he does need time away to sort himself out. and you're obvi not getting what you want out of him anyway.

best of luck OP and take care.

He told you to "either shut the fuck up or get out" and you kissed him after that. I would have left without a word.

Never trust a man that mistreats animals. Who leaves a dog alone for several days at home. 😣

Don't wait for a man to change. He most likely won't.

Unevolved and toxic 🤣

In the 80s they called it irreconcilable differences right?

You handled this pretty well and did a great job introspecting the situation.

You are welcome to try friendship later down the road.

Controlling

Emotionally abusive

Animal abuser

Broke user

I could go on and on…



You ended friendships to become his pay pig and maid 🤢 Where is your sense of self respect?

Holding onto someone who doesn’t want you because you hope he is the person he showed you in the first few months. Nope who he is showing you now is who he really is. Believe that.

He literally ended things and told you he’s gonna get his dick wet and for you to do the same. This isn’t a test. Him not trusting you after you literally bend over backwards for his ungrateful ass just screams cheater diversion tactics. If I accuse her, she’s so busy defending herself she’s not gonna look too closely at what I am doing.

You wasted 7months on him. Sunk cost fallacy is moot. Don’t waste anymore time. Your in your early 20s. This isn’t the first dud you’ll date and certainly not the last. Move on from situations that don’t serve you until it is muscle memory.

He doesn’t trust you. Without trust, what is there? I’d say that’s responsible for his mood & anger. Trust isn’t something you can fix, it is earned. So it’s not an easy road.

You guys are young. Of course he’s un-evolved. And yes he’s being toxic, but it seems to me there is a reason. Are you triggering something from his past, or why doesn’t he trust you. He even said he didn’t know why in the text. Something subconscious perhaps.

Aries if they love you, have your back, even split up. I can see little daggers of jokes that were really truth but blowups of anger were rare with my ex. If it’s all the time, there’s a serious problem imho.

i agree with everyone here...

his problems and insecurities are deep seated (stemming from his upbringing) and probably has little to do with you...i feel like you guys should just part ways for now in order to avoid further damage...you're not doing him any favors by continuing to be an emotional punching bag for his traumas and insecurities...maybe in a few years, he will grow up...you can still remain friends...just not lovers for now...

also, do not give a man money. a man should feel ashamed accepting money from a woman. he's 22 and fully able-bodied, right? he needs to figure it out.

Just run.

Is this the longest post in the history of DXP?? 👀 Did everyone actually read all that? I can’t!! 😭

"either shut the fuck up or get out"

Things would've started flying at him if I was in your situation. You don't talk to me like that especially if I'm supporting you financially, you ass.

And you allowed his bullshit until recently but we all do the dumbest shit for love especially when we're young. You did good though when you decided to take space but I have a feeling it won't last. He'll apologize, woo you and you'll go soft and see each other again. Before you know it, you're stuck in this insane cycle with him.

First sign in the zodiac

Can take longer to mature

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by serenidad

i agree with everyone here...

his problems and insecurities are deep seated (stemming from his upbringing) and probably has little to do with you...i feel like you guys should just part ways for now in order to avoid further damage...you're not doing him any favors by continuing to be an emotional punching bag for his traumas and insecurities...maybe in a few years, he will grow up...you can still remain friends...just not lovers for now...

also, do not give a man money. a man should feel ashamed accepting money from a woman. he's 22 and fully able-bodied, right? he needs to figure it out

TBF we have only heard one side of the story. He does sound insecure, but does she flirt with other men then say it's nothing? She said some friends were toxic after 10 years. It's not adding up to me. It also sounds like she offered money rather than being asked. I personally would be embarrassed, but I've seen this before someone gives something away or does something kind then they throw a shit fit because someone isn't kissing their arse afterwards.

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yeah i agree...when i initially read that her friends were "toxic", i was kinda like "—"

the whole time i was reading the story, my main thought was, "they're not compatible".

and i may be prematurely judging but, they're only 7 months into the relationship and already having this many arguments....7 months in should still be the honeymoon phase, right? (normally) so, the way i see it is, if you're already having this many issues during the honeymoon stage of your relationship, you're just not that compatible. gemini moon is also a rational, observant moon. it's kinda rare for us to just fly off the handle without any evidence....maybe he saw something, maybe he didn't. we won't know for sure....but you may be onto something...

as far as the money thing goes, whether it was a gift or not, it's still weird for a fully able-bodied 22y/o dude to be accepting money from a girlfriend...

also, i dunno if capricorn placements want their asses kissed (lol) but i think they want respect and acknowledgement...? i dunno. just my observation.

Posted by alexscaries

I think it's interesting a lot of people mentioned STFU and get out, but we don't know what was said or how annoying she was. She was invited round and was looking for attention.

Then his husky being left alone, definitely wrong and bad for the dog, but I think a lot of people get pets without knowing how much work is involved.

Both people sound toxic and manipulative. You can't mould someone into Ken or Barbie. Just let people be themselves, if they don't fit date someone else. Hardly complicated.

There is a difference between neglect and abuse. Leaving a dog for days at a time definitely falls into the latter category. But your right, we are only getting her side of things. Did he have someone come watch the dog while he was gone? That changes the narrative quite a lot.

Based on her perspective he is the controlling one for telling her not to have male friends or go out. While he goes out with his friends regardless of gender. It’s the double standard for me.

People like to think love conquers all but the reality is it’s a lot harder if your friends and family don’t like your partner. That’s a huge obstacle to have to overcome. And with all the other problems happening with this relationship in its infancy is it worth it? Probably not.

I will never understand people who try to make a square peg fit a round hole (cue the jokes). Like you said, it’s fine if things don’t work out. There are other people out there that will be a better fit. I often think it’s not even fear of loosing the person but fear of failing at a relationship that causes people to cling on.

Dude literally cut her loose. He may be un-evolved and toxic but we can at least respect that he recognized he has trust issues and can’t continue in the relationship. She can accept that or become toxic herself holding onto someone who doesn’t want her anymore.

Posted by Mutya

You did good though when you decided to take space but I have a feeling it won't last. He'll apologize, woo you and you'll go soft and see each other again. Before you know it, you're stuck in this insane cycle with him.

He was the one to ask for space, not her. And idk that I’d call it space, seems like an obvious breaking up to me.

“He replied “I don’t know what to do anymore! But I do want to try one thing! I really think we need some space for a bit. Take your space and I’ll take mine. I think it’s my turn to say i need time. To figure my shit out. You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” And that I could “do anything” and he wasn’t expecting me to wait. It felt like some kind of fucked up way that I could ‘prove’ to him that I was serious about us if I was loyal during this time apart. We ended the conversation shortly after and haven’t talked. since. I can’t help but hope it’s a weird phase or mood, but I also dont want to keep putting myself through this.”

Posted by serenidad

i agree with everyone here...

his problems and insecurities are deep seated (stemming from his upbringing) and probably has little to do with you...i feel like you guys should just part ways for now in order to avoid further damage...you're not doing him any favors by continuing to be an emotional punching bag for his traumas and insecurities...maybe in a few years, he will grow up...you can still remain friends...just not lovers for now...

also, do not give a man money. a man should feel ashamed accepting money from a woman. he's 22 and fully able-bodied, right? he needs to figure it out.

To me it sounds like he's resentful of her. Probably hurt his pride to have her support him.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by Timone

Posted by serenidad

i agree with everyone here...

his problems and insecurities are deep seated (stemming from his upbringing) and probably has little to do with you...i feel like you guys should just part ways for now in order to avoid further damage...you're not doing him any favors by continuing to be an emotional punching bag for his traumas and insecurities...maybe in a few years, he will grow up...you can still remain friends...just not lovers for now...

also, do not give a man money. a man should feel ashamed accepting money from a woman. he's 22 and fully able-bodied, right? he needs to figure it out.

To me it sounds like he's resentful of her. Probably hurt his pride to have her support him.

Bad sex and her constant yammering. Ofc he's the bad guy cos she said so.

Nobody picked up on the scary Uber driver and she never replied to his text. He probably thought she had been raped.

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Ofc we only know her side of it but it doesn't seem like a healthy relationship if this is how they communicate.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Mutya

You did good though when you decided to take space but I have a feeling it won't last. He'll apologize, woo you and you'll go soft and see each other again. Before you know it, you're stuck in this insane cycle with him.

He was the one to ask for space, not her. And idk that I’d call it space, seems like an obvious breaking up to me.

“He replied “I don’t know what to do anymore! But I do want to try one thing! I really think we need some space for a bit. Take your space and I’ll take mine. I think it’s my turn to say i need time. To figure my shit out. You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” And that I could “do anything” and he wasn’t expecting me to wait. It felt like some kind of fucked up way that I could ‘prove’ to him that I was serious about us if I was loyal during this time apart. We ended the conversation shortly after and haven’t talked. since. I can’t help but hope it’s a weird phase or mood, but I also dont want to keep putting myself through this.”

click to expand

Oops my bad. It was a bigass wall of text and hard to focus on so I'm shifting the blame to OP lol

Anywho, Aries men will deny it OP but the guy will come sniffing around with a "Hey" or "Wyd" if you go radio silent on him for a few weeks. One ex ram even messaged me after a year. If you have the energy to still put up with his insecurities and resentment then take him back.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by Timone

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by Timone

Posted by serenidad

i agree with everyone here...

his problems and insecurities are deep seated (stemming from his upbringing) and probably has little to do with you...i feel like you guys should just part ways for now in order to avoid further damage...you're not doing him any favors by continuing to be an emotional punching bag for his traumas and insecurities...maybe in a few years, he will grow up...you can still remain friends...just not lovers for now...

also, do not give a man money. a man should feel ashamed accepting money from a woman. he's 22 and fully able-bodied, right? he needs to figure it out.

To me it sounds like he's resentful of her. Probably hurt his pride to have her support him.

Bad sex and her constant yammering. Ofc he's the bad guy cos she said so.

Nobody picked up on the scary Uber driver and she never replied to his text. He probably thought she had been raped.

Ofc we only know her side of it but it doesn't seem like a healthy relationship if this is how they communicate.

They don't communicate they swear and argue. 😅

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I would be more upset about the dog being left alone. 😿🐕 Hopefully he had someone come and check on him at least. 😾

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Mutya

You did good though when you decided to take space but I have a feeling it won't last. He'll apologize, woo you and you'll go soft and see each other again. Before you know it, you're stuck in this insane cycle with him.

He was the one to ask for space, not her. And idk that I’d call it space, seems like an obvious breaking up to me.

“He replied “I don’t know what to do anymore! But I do want to try one thing! I really think we need some space for a bit. Take your space and I’ll take mine. I think it’s my turn to say i need time. To figure my shit out. You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” And that I could “do anything” and he wasn’t expecting me to wait. It felt like some kind of fucked up way that I could ‘prove’ to him that I was serious about us if I was loyal during this time apart. We ended the conversation shortly after and haven’t talked. since. I can’t help but hope it’s a weird phase or mood, but I also dont want to keep putting myself through this.”

Why do people take a break? Seems like a waste of time, I've yet to hear of a successful relationship after that happened.

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To me a break is “hey I’m overwhelmed atm with work-school-health-etc and need to get my shit in order. I’ll take the next few weeks to do so and then reach out to you once things are sorted”.

Telling someone you need space cause you can’t trust them and, quote “You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” is a breakup. For someone who has insecurities and jealousy over your male friends wanting to fuck you then to tell you to go fuck other people? Yeah it’s over.

Posted by Mutya

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Mutya

You did good though when you decided to take space but I have a feeling it won't last. He'll apologize, woo you and you'll go soft and see each other again. Before you know it, you're stuck in this insane cycle with him.

He was the one to ask for space, not her. And idk that I’d call it space, seems like an obvious breaking up to me.

“He replied “I don’t know what to do anymore! But I do want to try one thing! I really think we need some space for a bit. Take your space and I’ll take mine. I think it’s my turn to say i need time. To figure my shit out. You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” And that I could “do anything” and he wasn’t expecting me to wait. It felt like some kind of fucked up way that I could ‘prove’ to him that I was serious about us if I was loyal during this time apart. We ended the conversation shortly after and haven’t talked. since. I can’t help but hope it’s a weird phase or mood, but I also dont want to keep putting myself through this.”

Oops my bad. It was a bigass wall of text and hard to focus on so I'm shifting the blame to OP lol

Anywho, Aries men will deny it OP but the guy will come sniffing around with a "Hey" or "Wyd" if you go radio silent on him for a few weeks. One ex ram even messaged me after a year. If you have the energy to still put up with his insecurities and resentment then take him back.

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Calling him B was a little confusing as well. Yes sometimes when you shut off the faucet it still drips. I just can’t see how this ends well for either of them.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Mutya

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Mutya

You did good though when you decided to take space but I have a feeling it won't last. He'll apologize, woo you and you'll go soft and see each other again. Before you know it, you're stuck in this insane cycle with him.

He was the one to ask for space, not her. And idk that I’d call it space, seems like an obvious breaking up to me.

“He replied “I don’t know what to do anymore! But I do want to try one thing! I really think we need some space for a bit. Take your space and I’ll take mine. I think it’s my turn to say i need time. To figure my shit out. You’re free to do literally anything you want! Hall pass!” And that I could “do anything” and he wasn’t expecting me to wait. It felt like some kind of fucked up way that I could ‘prove’ to him that I was serious about us if I was loyal during this time apart. We ended the conversation shortly after and haven’t talked. since. I can’t help but hope it’s a weird phase or mood, but I also dont want to keep putting myself through this.”

Oops my bad. It was a bigass wall of text and hard to focus on so I'm shifting the blame to OP lol

Anywho, Aries men will deny it OP but the guy will come sniffing around with a "Hey" or "Wyd" if you go radio silent on him for a few weeks. One ex ram even messaged me after a year. If you have the energy to still put up with his insecurities and resentment then take him back.

Calling him B was a little confusing as well. Yes sometimes when you shut off the faucet it still drips. I just can’t see how this ends well for either of them.

Little B

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Little biatch