I really need to hear those words...

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Leo19813007
@Leo19813007
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 21 · Topics: 2
Hello all, I would so appreciate anyone with experience of Cancer men giving advice on this. I'll keep it as short as poss! He's a good friend of mine, we have a great connection and last year we got physical. His kisses were the best I've ever had. Tender, passionate, gentle. He touched his forehead to mine, held my face in his hands, looked helpless, said oh God, oh God, I don't want this to stop. He said he didn't think he could feel this way again. He's kind, helped me in too many ways to list, keeps in regular contact, bought me presents. But he has never said HOW he feels. So I cornered him (silly me!), told him how I felt and asked him if his heart was involved. He said no, my feelings are more below the belt. Then rolled his eyes and said actually that's not true. I later asked him if he had any feelings at all. He said I do care for you. I do have feelings, but I bury them. What am I supposed to make of this? His actions are wonderful but his words are terrible. I think he is in denial about his feelings but am I just deluded? What is he scared of? Should I give up on him? Please help me!
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Pink Bird
@pinkbird03
9 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 975 · Posts: 5791 · Topics: 44
Posted by Leo19813007
Thank you Pinkbird. The time we spend together is wonderful. It makes me so happy. I feel like he 'does' everything right but his words are just awful. He can't talk about his feelings at all. Am I wrong in needing those words or should I forget the words and concentrate on the actions?
I don't think you're wrong at all for needing those words. I do think you need to ask him if he sees a future with you. It should be a simple yes or no answer. I don't like that he's not committing. I worry he's not that into you because all the cancers I've dated wanted to jump into a relationship right away. I'm also a cancer and I can be like that too. I always know within the first month or two if I want something serious with someone.
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mariannlittlebe
@mariannlittlebe
9 Years

Comments: 8 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 7
Posted by Leo19813007
Thank you Pinkbird. The time we spend together is wonderful. It makes me so happy. I feel like he 'does' everything right but his words are just awful. He can't talk about his feelings at all. Am I wrong in needing those words or should I forget the words and concentrate on the actions?
They are not verbal, do not stick with words that much. I know we say this about almost every guy, but they truly cannot express their feelings through words. Communication is important though.
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Moonbutter
@Moonbutter
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 14 · Posts: 5192 · Topics: 94
I think with Cancers there is this "crab dance" you must get through to see the other side. It involves a lot of frustration and confusion as the Crab works out his feelings and yours. He will act opposite of how he feels, say things he may not mean necessarily.. one step forward will lead to 2 steps back. This will go on for awhile but you must partner in this dance ? to make it out successfully.

Source: just went through this dance with a Cancer Venus and I almost didn't make it.
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tcta
@tcta
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 3706 · Posts: 7112 · Topics: 18
Posted by Leo19813007
Thanks Piscespoppy. It's difficult to know whether to take a tough or soft stance on this one. I like your advice the best but that's because I'm a softie! I really love spending time with him, I just don't want to get hurt.
more communication on this level - more, and more and you will see what you need to see ... softly poke into his shell, the back off - then again, and again ... stick one toe in and test the water ...

in the interim - gee, it's going to hurt no matter what isn't it ? I mean you can't live this way your entire life - either crap or get off the pot - you deserve that don't you - well, you do !
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Leo19813007
@Leo19813007
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 21 · Topics: 2
Tcta - couldn't have put it better myself! I'm very direct and he is indirect. Softly softly catchee monkee...!

My heart just won't give up on him dammit. I love that he stays in constant contact, always wants to see me, he's very gentle and kind. So so rubbish with words though and definitely not in touch with his own feelings. Well not on the surface anyway. I think he's frightened of feelings ☹️
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Pink Bird
@pinkbird03
9 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 975 · Posts: 5791 · Topics: 44
Posted by DivaCanLeo
Posted by pinkbird03
Posted by Leo19813007
Thank you Pinkbird. The time we spend together is wonderful. It makes me so happy. I feel like he 'does' everything right but his words are just awful. He can't talk about his feelings at all. Am I wrong in needing those words or should I forget the words and concentrate on the actions?
I don't think you're wrong at all for needing those words. I do think you need to ask him if he sees a future with you. It should be a simple yes or no answer. I don't like that he's not committing. I worry he's not that into you because all the cancers I've dated wanted to jump into a relationship right away. I'm also a cancer and I can be like that too. I always know within the first month or two if I want something serious with someone.
Maybe he's not ready for all of that. How long they been dating?

click to expand

They are not dating. He's just a good friend.
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Leo19813007
@Leo19813007
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 21 · Topics: 2
Hey pinkbird, I'm doing fine thank you! Saw him twice last week, he really does make my day. It seems for now, we have gone back to being friends - there's no physical stuff. He's very shy with all that anyway which actually I prefer. He did hold my hand briefly though when we walked together. Even though we are both adults, being with him feels like a sweet, childlike romance. I just can't explain it. The cancer man is a complete mystery to me but it does make me so happy to see him ?
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Pink Bird
@pinkbird03
9 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 975 · Posts: 5791 · Topics: 44
Posted by Leo19813007
Hey pinkbird, I'm doing fine thank you! Saw him twice last week, he really does make my day. It seems for now, we have gone back to being friends - there's no physical stuff. He's very shy with all that anyway which actually I prefer. He did hold my hand briefly though when we walked together. Even though we are both adults, being with him feels like a sweet, childlike romance. I just can't explain it. The cancer man is a complete mystery to me but it does make me so happy to see him ?
Sounds like you're happy! Glad it's working out ?
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Moonbutter
@Moonbutter
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 14 · Posts: 5192 · Topics: 94
Posted by Leo19813007
Hey pinkbird, I'm doing fine thank you! Saw him twice last week, he really does make my day. It seems for now, we have gone back to being friends - there's no physical stuff. He's very shy with all that anyway which actually I prefer. He did hold my hand briefly though when we walked together. Even though we are both adults, being with him feels like a sweet, childlike romance. I just can't explain it. The cancer man is a complete mystery to me but it does make me so happy to see him ?
That's good... take it slow and enjoy the moment. Don't push for words of affirmation just embrace the non-verbal actions. If my guy pushed for wanting to know how I felt I would feel cornered and prob back off a bit even though I'm really into me lol. Most importantly, take advice from people who have Cancer placements or have dealt with Cancers for awhile as it is an experience that surpasses all understanding 😉
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Moonbutter
@Moonbutter
10 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 14 · Posts: 5192 · Topics: 94
Posted by Moonbutter
Posted by Leo19813007
Hey pinkbird, I'm doing fine thank you! Saw him twice last week, he really does make my day. It seems for now, we have gone back to being friends - there's no physical stuff. He's very shy with all that anyway which actually I prefer. He did hold my hand briefly though when we walked together. Even though we are both adults, being with him feels like a sweet, childlike romance. I just can't explain it. The cancer man is a complete mystery to me but it does make me so happy to see him ?
That's good... take it slow and enjoy the moment. Don't push for words of affirmation just embrace the non-verbal actions. If my guy pushed for wanting to know how I felt I would feel cornered and prob back off a bit even though I'm really into me lol. Most importantly, take advice from people who have Cancer placements or have dealt with Cancers for awhile as it is an experience that surpasses all understanding 😉
click to expand

*into him ☺
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Leo19813007
@Leo19813007
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 21 · Topics: 2
Actually Moonbutter you make a really good point. I am Leo Sun, Cancer Moon and Cancer Rising and I can be very contrary in this way too. If he backed me into a corner and demanded to know how I felt, I'd probably say 'I don't know'. Even though I do know!

So you've forced me to look at this from another angle. It's never good to put someone on the spot. All it did was cause misery for me. I didn't speak to him for 8 days because I felt hurt and he said he felt sad and shaken up by the conversation. As did I!

He is now reluctant to do anything physical in case this happens again. Arghhhhhh!!!