My story with Cancer man

I have an interesting story with a cancer man, i am virgo. He is 26, i am 29. We met 3 weeks ago in a teambuilding among many people that were there for learning a new job and i felt drawn to him from the first moment i saw him. He was extremely charming, misterious but also very flirtatious and with his eyes on all the girls from that location, except me. He tried once to flirt with me but i cut it and he stopped. After this, all the time we have spent there (2 weeks) we have ignored each other with a casual and polite attitude although i was feeling his attention on me all the time and mine on him also. He tangled with a pretty girl that ended up chasing him almost every day for the next 2 weeks of staying there, so i stayed away and just observed the games he was doing with her (mostly ignoring her while flirting with others) and the other pretty girls. Until one night when we had a party and he was leaving the dancefloor at some point. I saw him walking away and i felt an urge to not give a shit about nothing and no one and i went straight to him and took him by the hand and i told him: you are not leaving nowhere, we will dance now. And we danced.. And that was the moment in which we felt an incredible connection, passion and compatibility.. Like i did not feel with nobody else in a very very long time i cannot even remember.. And he felt hipnotised, as he later confessed to me when we were discussing abt this moment.

So we danced and then we both went back to ignoring each other. Then the next day i did again the 2nd step of interracting with him, i wrote him on whatsapp and we started to talk online with each other even if we were sitting on the same table with ppl around us and his fake gf near him. We had online secret conversations but f2f we did not make any special effort to talk with each other.. We were comfortable like this and casual. After a week, we had the 2nd party and this time he came to dance with me but i kept it more reserved than the other time bcz his fake gf saw us and then she came near us so i stepped away. After i left the party, we have shared some intimate emotional conversation on whatsapp and he called me at 4 am to tell me to go outside cause he was coming to the house i was sleeping in. And he arrived. He was pretty drunk and very eager to touch me, hug me, kiss me, i felt uncomfortable and i was pushing him away. In the end we found some balance and we kissed and hugged, i stopped rejecting him and i was feeling how giving he was to me.. So he made me be the same. Again..kissing with him, being in his arms it felt like my head was spinning when i was closing my eyes, like i was hipnotised and it was so intense this feeling that i had to stop kissing many times bcz i was becoming scared that i will feel sick if i would've kept going on kissing him. So powerful it was, i dont remember if i ever felt like this before with anyone else. And I was not drunk 😁

After 2 hours of deep conversations and saying to each other things that were touching our souls, insights abt each other, things that i was noticing about him, i was able to read him and he was amazed bcz of this, we were both amazed by one another.. After this time, i went to sleep feeling his smell on me when i sat my head on the pillow.. For the next 2 days we went back to casually ignoring each other and from time to time writing on whatsapp. In this time he started to talk with another girl, not the fake one that was chasing him. So again i stayed away and just observed. Also this girl she was asking me about him at some point, if i know something about the fake gf what is going on between them so i felt that she was into him and i told her that i dont think they are together and i encouraged her to go ahead if she likes him.

This was before me and him kissing for the first time. After kissing and he started to talk and hang out with the 2nd girl, i started to feel a bit of jealousy but as i mentioned before, i still stayed away of him and just observed. After 2 weeks of teambuilding, we left the city and each of us went back to his hometown.

Now.. From now it starts the adventure. Or the telenovela😁

This was the intro..now it will be the intriguing part..and, unfortunately, it will be an ending also.

So.. On a Sunday i arrived home after the 2 weeks trip. And we continued to talk in that day on whatsapp. In the evening he proposed to me to take the train and spend the time with him in his hometown. It's only 45 min by train. So i said Yes and at 11:54 pm or smth like this, i was in the trainstation in his hometown. We met on the road... I don't know, man.. Now when i write all these things, i remember every detail and everything feels so alive and intense and i feel sad bcz it is so intense and it was so beautiful being with him and now is over. But.. Going back.. So we have met and immediately we started to have deep conversations and confessions about each other, very emotional and amazing things we have said.. He told me things about me that nobody in my life has ever said and these things were obvious if someone would just pay attention..and he did. He was so much into me..absorbing everything.. Asking...sharing.. And this is how we spent part of the night until we reached some kinky sexual parts. Then we fell asleep embracing each other in his room. We made sex only the next day after.. Regarding sex and doing sexual things, he is very dominant and persistent, when we first kissed in teambuilding location and then when we made sex i felt more like he draw me into this with his savageness and passion. I loved it bcz i had some psychological blocks regarding sex and intimate stuff with a new man, and going with the flow with him i overcame those blocks. Not 100% but still 90% . So i like the fact that he is dominant. Anyway, after we had sex we went outside for a walk, we have stayed in the park also and we kept talking and talking and adoring each other.. Now he started to ask me things about future and to place me in daydreaming about future with him.. I did not go with the flow on this one even though in my heart i loved the thought of a future with him and inside i was dreaming at this but i did not show him that i want the same things.. Bcz i chose to keep myself on the ground.. More rational.. Just to know him better before i express my inner wishes like he did.. Bcz i didnt know him and maybe there were only temporary wishes for him coming from temporary enthusiasm, temporary emotions.. This is how i was thinking. Although i knew he was honest.

So he stopped from expressing his daydreaming for a while. After more talking, he skipped some more of these, he saw again that i am reserved so he stopped again. All in all, we adored each other. I was trully happy with myself in his presence and he was feeling humanly and real with me, as he confessed. And he saw that i am real as he admitted and that he never met someone real like me until now, and so warm and.. He was seeing through me.. He saw how vulnerable i was from the first moments spent together and i felt so comfortable by being vulnerable in front of him.. I was not afraid..

Oh, and i also asked him at some point, how come from all those girls from teambuilding, why he ignored me and was avoiding me most, bcz i am not ugly and he loved dancing with me? And he said: because i did not want to hurt you. I knew that you are easy to be hurt and i know that you are open and real and no masks. I don't want to hurt you.

Maaan.. My heart melt. It was the most beautiful and honest observation that anyone has ever said to me. And these kind of insights about me he had all the time and i was so amazed and i had insights about him also..that's why our connection was strong and we felt it from before we interracted, then it became clear when we danced...and then it became real when i spent one night and 1 day with him.

In the evening i went back home.. We kept talking for the following days.. And i was the one that insisted more on meeting again.. I did not like the feeling that i had to insist bcz i wanted to see that he also wants this, no need for insisting. So i stopped talking about meeting again..we were just talking.. Sometimes i was going with the flow with him in daydreaming.. Until one point when he started to back off. And i started to be more open. But when i saw he backed off, i expressed my thoughts and emotions about this and whatever else it was existing then and i backed off also bcz i dont like to force people to talk to me and i dont like to give if the other doesnt receive. So i became colder. Another week passed and suddenly he decided that i was somehow right, that he WD from me bcz he got scared bcz he did not have this kind of feelings for a long time but now he knows that he wants to see me again to observe what we will feel, how it will be. I found it weird somehow, i mean the way he was talking about this but i agreed without trying to split the thread to find out his real reasons and bla bla how i usually tend to do. So i just went with the flow and in that day, was a Thursday, he arrived in my hometown. I told him from before that i want him to stay at least 2 nights.

Ok. I realise that i forgot to mention a very important aspect of time: that teambuilding it was made for a new job that involves travelling in a foreign country for 7 months contract. My leaving is on 24th of april, his leaving is later in may. That's why i had my own way of adoring him and my reasons for not going head in the clouds with him and with idealistic future plans.. Bcz we did not have time to know each other enough before leaving the country.. And i need time to know someone before i decide to go in a relationship, especially after my horrible past experience i had and i told him about that to help him understand why i am reserved and rational about him, and not because i was rejecting him. So.. Yes. We were against time. At least i felt i was against time.

Part 2:

Also.. I knew that he also was still keeping in touch with the other girl from teambuilding, i will call her O. She is cancer like him. And him, i will call him T. I didnt know at which level he was connecting with her but i know that it was another reason for making me to stay foot on the ground and reserved regarding him since i didnt want to be swept off in false illusions as long as he was talking with another girl.

So he arrived in a thursday, needless to say how we felt, how we talked, the level of emotions, the intimacy, the insights, the words and the depth that we created and lived for 2 nights..

Besides this, i felt the need to ask him if he is still talking to O.. I knew he was.. He said yes, he likes to talk with her.. And he said that O wants to meet him after we leave the country (bcz the 3 of us we will work somehow near one of the other) and he was asking me what i think O wants from him? And i said that i dont know, he should know bcz he made her fell in love with him since we were in teambuilding. Or maybe she just wants sex.. And i started to laugh and i said all these not in a serious way, anyway. How the hell should i know? And he said that everybody wants sex from him and he doesnt want this anymore, he doesnt want to flirt anymore, he just wants to work and to relax. Ok. Whatever you say, T. I did not believe him bcz i did not know him. And these kind of words threw me in my ugly past so i was not able to listen to him objectively so i did not ask anything that maybe it would've helped me understand him more if i would've listen to him properly and not subjectively based on my ugly past.

Moving on.. In our last night, of course we didn't sleep..🙊 he told me that he needs to leave early in the morning.. And i felt it was wrong. Why? You should even want to stay more, for another night since we will leave the country and we might not even see each other ever again! We should enjoy the time spent together as much as we can. But he said he can't stay more..so i insisted at least to leave later in the day and i was asking why he needs to leave early, why he wants to leave early? He said he'd wished to stay more but he can't and this is the only thing that he admitted. I felt he was avoiding me regarding his leaving so i felt something is hidden from me. I thought maybe is something related to his family and he is just being secretive so i didnt push anymore. Later on saturday he left. I walked him to the train station and i didn't stay much to kiss and hug bcz i didnt want to think that this is the last time when i ever see him. So i didnt even feel like it was a goodbye, i felt more like: see you soon.

I started to write to him and he replied to me after he arrived in his hometown in a very sweet manner.. And then something happened. I was writing to him from time to time all day saturday but he was offline and he was not answering back. I thought he WD again.. So soon? So i started to write him more..until the evening came.. At some point he replied with: i'm ok, i am visiting someone.. And that was it. So i got out in the club with some friends..but i was still thinking what the fuck is going on, what is he doing, where is he? I kept texting him..i even called him at a very late hour when i was very tipsy bcz i had balls from alcohol to do this. Still nothing until 3 am, maybe 4 am when i got a text saying: i am at O's. I think you can understand by yourself. All the best.

..i don't know how i felt in that moment. Just that my heart started to beat stronger, a rush of adrenaline and i replied: wow.. I knew you will meet her but i did not expect it to be so soon. All the best too. In my head.. I was relying on the fact that they will meet in Spain with work as he told me.. So it took me by surprise but i did not lose ALL the temper, just a bit. And i did this: i deleted everything from him, i blocked him in a few seconds on fb and whatsapp and i wrote her on messenger Hey O, did you know that T left from visiting me straight to you? I knew that you guys wanted to meet someday but i didnt expect this to be so soon and like this. It took me by surprise so i blocked him everywhere. I hope you can still have fun if i didnt ruin it.

... I had some mixed ugly feelings but i got them numb with desperados and dancing. That message was so not him. How he could be so brutal and lacking of consideration? It almost sounded like it was not him that wrote. I thought that maybe she took his phone in secret and saw my texts and she texted but then i thought i must be crazy thinking this. Of cors it was him. People are unpredictable. Right?

.... After a few hours O replied on messenger...: she knew that he visited me even from before he arrived bcz she feels things and she is special like this and she knows that is difficult with T and that i took the right decision of blocking him and to start over with the leaving for work and T proposed to her to be his lover and to have a future together and everything to matter from now on and she needs to decide if she will take the chance, bcz she needs lots of courage or lots of crazyness for doing this. So i thanked her for her honesty and openess and i also told her that i feel things and i am special like this 😂 and the only thing that affected me was his way of ending this and in my opinion he will be serious towards her if he proposed this, as far as i knew him. In the meantime i also wrote to him, i dont remember when but i unblocked him and wrote to him some things.. So in the next reply from her, she admitted that she wrote that brutal text and also that they have spoken from wednesday to thursday night all night and planned to meet each other in the weekend and she also felt bad when she found out that he first visited me before her. She also said that T was making future plans with her (just like he did with me) before they got together but she also stayed reserved bcz she was not sure about him. And she is sorry for making me feel bad and bla bla some other nice stuff..

So... I found out all these.. She found out some stuff also.. T didnt say a word to my texts... Last night i sent him something private on whatsapp..in the memory of our connection.. I thought it might be a chance that he is still with her and maybe she will see the texts but i couldn't help not writing him.. So i did.. And he replied.. But the way he wrote..the style .. I think it was still not him.. She wrote back to me.. Pretending.. I asked if she replied and not him but my texts were seen and not answered so I left it like this.

And now.. Here i am, writing everything down, having insomnia and thinking at this question: how much will i be keep going thinking at you? How much will it go on?

***The end. ***

If anyone is bored enough or feels like has an insight about my story, anything to be said i am curious. Is the first time in my life when i make public in a forum something personal from my life. I have thought at this before with some other situations but i only did it now.. So pls dont judge, for me it felt amazing to be able to write about this.

Posted by Smil3
Synopsis -

Playa Playa

what do you mean?

Waaaay tooo loooong

It will be hard to accept what happened, but thank yourself that you dodged a bullet. He does not seem to have feelings for you or the other girl if he came to meet you while planning to meet her right after you. If she is not bothered with this and still willing to go ahead with him, her decision. They might even end up happy together, who knows. The first red flag was when he was talking with you on whatsapp and flirting with others in front of you, and after your asking why he was ignoring you and flirting with others saying because he did not want to hurt you. That was a lame excuse and you fell for it. Try to block him and her out of your life otherwise it will be painful for you. It will be hard after the hurt, but talking with them will not help ease the pain. He might also think he did nothing wrong since you guys were not in a committed relationship, but if he was planning to ask O for a committed relationship he should not have come to your place. I am sure that part must hurt the most.

Definitely didn’t need to include so many details. I don’t think many people will read the whole thing like I did.

My thoughts are that the cancer girl is jealous that he was with you and made him end it. He allowed her, which shows he cares about her more. He picked her. I’m sorry. Thats why I don’t like to date guys who enjoy dating multiple people at once. They eventually have to make a decision and it’s not always you.