Dating 2 months. Is he pulling away?

Hi everyone,

I've been dating someone for 2 months now, he is 28 and I am 27. We see each other once a week, as we are both busy and live in a major capital in Europe where there is always something going on with work, ppl visiting, events etc. I am fine with this amount as I like the buildup, and I last saw him on Sunday where I cooked for him and we went to the cinema.

He has cooked for me before so I thought it would be a nice thing to do, especially as he is also really thoughtful with little gifts he gives me and we are affectionate with each other, even though he isn't very communicative and I don't know for sure if he even likes me, except for when he said I am unique and special once. So on this date we spent hours together watching comedy shows and he became much more affectionate, kissing me on the lips and calling me babe and that he'd see me soon, I think because I cooked for him.

I know he has a tough job and is very demanding, especially this year as he is working for a promotion. We text once every day with comics and photos, and yesterday I said I want to see him this weekend but understand if he is busy. This is what he said:

Him: I'm exhausted at work right now, got home about 20 mins ago (nearly midnight). Have plans with friends but honestly I think I need some space from the world for a bit. I am giving blood on Fri afternoon, I'll see how I feel after that but don't want to keep you hanging 🙂

Me: No worries, I'll let you be. Hope it wasn't too stressful!

Him: Super thank you. Bit stressful yes but quite focused on work this year generally as I'm up for promotion 🙂 How has work been, any luck with your meeting? (Insert cat comic here)

So this is fine and I understand that he is busy because of work, but it seems to me like he is pulling away? I've heard men pull away after a nice time, then come back. Could it be this? Especially as he is seeing friends, so it is more like he is taking space from me rather than the world? Is it normal for a cap man to be distant.

For reference he is Cap, with Venus in Aquarius, moon in virgo, mercury in sagittarius and mars in taurus. I am taurus with Venus in cancer, moon in Aries, mercury in Aries, mars in cancer.

thank you x

Posted by MissKrabs

@Revenge maybe you know each other 😇

Sounds normal. He is tired.

Thanks!

What do you mean by know each other, is revenge like this or?

To be blunt and personal, may I enquire as to what sexual base you might be at so far?

Have you just kissed or done anything else?

Posted by AgentP911

To be blunt and personal, may I enquire as to what sexual base you might be at so far?

Have you just kissed or done anything else?

We have had sex, how come?

Posted by ElvisStalinWoods

Cap Sun, Aqua Venus here.

Probably got more smoochy with you at yours because he was winding down and comfortable and then said he'd see you soon. He wouldn't say that if he didn't want to.

He's answering your texts. You're good. If he is busy and was absolutely uninterested, you'd be enjoying the sound of silence.

Ok this is reassuring, thank you 🙂

We were at his place though, he watched a comedy show while I cooked hehe, first time I've ever cooked at someone else's home!

Posted by ElvisStalinWoods

Cap Sun, Aqua Venus here.

Probably got more smoochy with you at yours because he was winding down and comfortable and then said he'd see you soon. He wouldn't say that if he didn't want to.

He's answering your texts. You're good. If he is busy and was absolutely uninterested, you'd be enjoying the sound of silence.

Ok this is reassuring, thank you 🙂

We were at his place though, he watched a comedy show while I cooked hehe, first time I've ever cooked at someone else's home!

Posted by frenchie

Posted by AgentP911

To be blunt and personal, may I enquire as to what sexual base you might be at so far?

Have you just kissed or done anything else?

We have had sex, how come?

click to expand

In that case, it is not a lack of physical intimacy then.

I genuinely do not think there is any issue here. I think any issue you may be perceiving is actually in your own head.

You've dated for two months at once a week. This is a good amount, paces yourselves, and not jumping in.

You are in daily contact and communication with each other.

You both ask each other out and appear to do normal dating/couple activities such as going out, cooking, cinema etc. He isn't just coming over for sex. You're both investing time in each other.

You have a physical relationship with each other so that is not lacking.

Where is he problem—

You asked him out.

He said he had plans.

The end.

Now you're focusing on one small part of his message and blowing it out of proportion due to whatever insecurities you may be feeling.

He did NOT say he wanted 'space' from you.

He responded to your initial request to meet up by saying he was busy. He also said he was giving blood and that he'd see how he feels after that. He even continued to ask you how your day was etc. Perhaps you meet up this weekend. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps you can meet up midweek or next weekend. It is NOT the end of the world if he spends time with other people or doing other things from time to time. He's not pulling away. He's just got some other shit to do. I don't know what your dynamic is between you but you could hold off on asking him out and let him come to you, pursue you more. Maybe any insecurity is from your Cancer bits and the go getter pursuer is your aries bits. His virgo moon makes him ultra picky so if you're two months in then you're probably doing well!

So, after two months of dating, where do you both see this going? Are you looking for a relationship? Are you exclusive? What does your future hold?

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by frenchie

Posted by AgentP911

To be blunt and personal, may I enquire as to what sexual base you might be at so far?

Have you just kissed or done anything else?

We have had sex, how come?

In that case, it is not a lack of physical intimacy then.

I genuinely do not think there is any issue here. I think any issue you may be perceiving is actually in your own head.

You've dated for two months at once a week. This is a good amount, paces yourselves, and not jumping in.

You are in daily contact and communication with each other.

You both ask each other out and appear to do normal dating/couple activities such as going out, cooking, cinema etc. He isn't just coming over for sex. You're both investing time in each other.

You have a physical relationship with each other so that is not lacking.

Where is he problem—

You asked him out.

He said he had plans.

The end.

Now you're focusing on one small part of his message and blowing it out of proportion due to whatever insecurities you may be feeling.

He did NOT say he wanted 'space' from you.

He responded to your initial request to meet up by saying he was busy. He also said he was giving blood and that he'd see how he feels after that. He even continued to ask you how your day was etc. Perhaps you meet up this weekend. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps you can meet up midweek or next weekend. It is NOT the end of the world if he spends time with other people or doing other things from time to time. He's not pulling away. He's just got some other shit to do. I don't know what your dynamic is between you but you could hold off on asking him out and let him come to you, pursue you more. Maybe any insecurity is from your Cancer bits and the go getter pursuer is your aries bits. His virgo moon makes him ultra picky so if you're two months in then you're probably doing well!

So, after two months of dating, where do you both see this going? Are you looking for a relationship? Are you exclusive? What does your future hold?

click to expand

Thank you so much for this comment, really insightful 🙂

You are right, I overreacted briefly. I just spoke with my friend who is very level headed and in a way similar to him, and I feel better. I was thinking of offering to drop off some snacks for him that I made today, (and only drop them off, no expectation to stay longer).

In terms of what we want, we both got out of long term relationships in December. He was quite badly hurt by her and at the beginning he said he needed time to get over her, but every time we meet up our bond seems to get deeper, and he gets more affectionate and kinder to me. Last time we spoke he said he was enjoying our vibe and is happy to see where it goes. He knows I like him, not sure if we are exclusive we haven't spoken about that.

Posted by CancerAquaSagg

Posted by frenchie

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by frenchie

Posted by AgentP911

To be blunt and personal, may I enquire as to what sexual base you might be at so far?

Have you just kissed or done anything else?

We have had sex, how come?

In that case, it is not a lack of physical intimacy then.

I genuinely do not think there is any issue here. I think any issue you may be perceiving is actually in your own head.

You've dated for two months at once a week. This is a good amount, paces yourselves, and not jumping in.

You are in daily contact and communication with each other.

You both ask each other out and appear to do normal dating/couple activities such as going out, cooking, cinema etc. He isn't just coming over for sex. You're both investing time in each other.

You have a physical relationship with each other so that is not lacking.

Where is he problem—

You asked him out.

He said he had plans.

The end.

Now you're focusing on one small part of his message and blowing it out of proportion due to whatever insecurities you may be feeling.

He did NOT say he wanted 'space' from you.

He responded to your initial request to meet up by saying he was busy. He also said he was giving blood and that he'd see how he feels after that. He even continued to ask you how your day was etc. Perhaps you meet up this weekend. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps you can meet up midweek or next weekend. It is NOT the end of the world if he spends time with other people or doing other things from time to time. He's not pulling away. He's just got some other shit to do. I don't know what your dynamic is between you but you could hold off on asking him out and let him come to you, pursue you more. Maybe any insecurity is from your Cancer bits and the go getter pursuer is your aries bits. His virgo moon makes him ultra picky so if you're two months in then you're probably doing well!

So, after two months of dating, where do you both see this going? Are you looking for a relationship? Are you exclusive? What does your future hold?

I was thinking of offering to drop off some snacks for him that I made today, (and only drop them off, no expectation to stay longer).

No don't 😲😓.

click to expand

Yes, don't. This is a bad idea and, in my opinion, it is quite manipulative in your intention and motive. On the face of it, it sounds like a sweet gesture and offer. However, you don't actually want to provide him with snacks to eat. That's secondary. What you want is to create an excuse to see him.

"Oh I know you said you were busy but I've bought all these lovely snacks for you, my dear" she says, smiling innocently while batting her eyelashes... "Aren't I such a thoughtful and caring person to you!" she says, reaffirming her claim to him...

He's a man. He can get his own snacks for this weekend. If you consider him in any regard just leave him well alone. Don't text him, don't call him, don't visit him, don't bring him snacks so you can check up on him, don't chase him, don't pursue him. He will appreciate this far more than snacks. Let him come to you. Use this weekend to do stuff you need to do. Busy yourself. Put all that energy into yourself. Make a plan today to go do something or go see something. Visit family or friends. If you have a plan involving others then you can't let them down so you'll be occupied with them and not thinking so much of him. You're in Paris? You're a smart, successful woman. Find something to do. It shouldn't be that hard!

In addition, if he does contact you to say "hey I have a couple of hours spare for you" say "thanks for the effort but I have plans this weekend with xxx or doing xxx." even if you just stay in to binge watch Netflix, it's still a plan and you're still busy so say "thank you for the offer but I have already made plans. How about next week?"

Honestly, he'll be far happier to know he's dating a smart, successful woman who is secure in themselves, who has their own shit to do, who won't be 'kept hanging' by a man rather than a needy, insecure woman who has nothing better to do on a weekend in Paris than wait for his text just so she can deliver him snacks in order to see him for five minutes.

Full report on your Plan of Action for this weekend is required 😆

Posted by frenchie

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by frenchie

Posted by AgentP911

To be blunt and personal, may I enquire as to what sexual base you might be at so far?

Have you just kissed or done anything else?

We have had sex, how come?

In that case, it is not a lack of physical intimacy then.

I genuinely do not think there is any issue here. I think any issue you may be perceiving is actually in your own head.

You've dated for two months at once a week. This is a good amount, paces yourselves, and not jumping in.

You are in daily contact and communication with each other.

You both ask each other out and appear to do normal dating/couple activities such as going out, cooking, cinema etc. He isn't just coming over for sex. You're both investing time in each other.

You have a physical relationship with each other so that is not lacking.

Where is he problem—

You asked him out.

He said he had plans.

The end.

Now you're focusing on one small part of his message and blowing it out of proportion due to whatever insecurities you may be feeling.

He did NOT say he wanted 'space' from you.

He responded to your initial request to meet up by saying he was busy. He also said he was giving blood and that he'd see how he feels after that. He even continued to ask you how your day was etc. Perhaps you meet up this weekend. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps you can meet up midweek or next weekend. It is NOT the end of the world if he spends time with other people or doing other things from time to time. He's not pulling away. He's just got some other shit to do. I don't know what your dynamic is between you but you could hold off on asking him out and let him come to you, pursue you more. Maybe any insecurity is from your Cancer bits and the go getter pursuer is your aries bits. His virgo moon makes him ultra picky so if you're two months in then you're probably doing well!

So, after two months of dating, where do you both see this going? Are you looking for a relationship? Are you exclusive? What does your future hold?

Thank you so much for this comment, really insightful 🙂

You are right, I overreacted briefly. I just spoke with my friend who is very level headed and in a way similar to him, and I feel better. I was thinking of offering to drop off some snacks for him that I made today, (and only drop them off, no expectation to stay longer).

In terms of what we want, we both got out of long term relationships in December. He was quite badly hurt by her and at the beginning he said he needed time to get over her, but every time we meet up our bond seems to get deeper, and he gets more affectionate and kinder to me. Last time we spoke he said he was enjoying our vibe and is happy to see where it goes. He knows I like him, not sure if we are exclusive we haven't spoken about that.

click to expand

I'd tread carefully here in regards to you both exiting long term relationships in December. One thing people do not do is allow themselves time to heal after a relationship. Granted, you may not feel you need much time and that all is well. I don't know your personal circumstances but you have already said he had a bad break up and was hurt in December. If you've been dating for two months then that brings it back to February which means you've both given yourselves just one whole month to recuperate. Really? Just one month? For a long term, ended badly, very hurt, need time to get over her type relationship? This guy really shouldn't have been anywhere near anyone else or any dating site at all. If it were me, I would have left a note saying 'try again in a year' and then gone far, far away from him and taken a year or so to recuperate from my last relationship. However, I say this because I've been there, jumping from one relationship to another. Thinking I don't need healing time and that dating another man without processing my baggage would be alright. I'm not saying you both won't work out. I'm just saying that there's a greater probability that it might not. I would also say that your reaction to him having other plans and wanting space from the world and how you dealt with that is probably coming from some insecurity somewhere which relates to you not giving yourself time to heal thus not being in or coming from a more secure place or position. Almost as if you don't want to suffer another loss so soon after the previous one or something like that hence why people should give themselves plenty of time to recuperate.

I'd also say that your bond becoming deeper with him is subjective. It's what you feel and perceive. It's not necessarily how he feels or what he perceives. You're becoming closer and more deeply involved. He's becoming more suffocated due to his personal situation and requires time alone. Yes, time alone he should have given himself before jumping right in and sticking his dick into another woman five minutes after the last one. His plan should have been to be single, focus his energy on himself, his work, obtaining his promotion, maybe having a one off shag here and there if that's his thing, and then, once time taken and promotion received, he could re-join the dating world from a better, less hurt, more solid position.

Regarding exclusivity, it doesn't sound as if he's asked you to be his girlfriend yet and that's because he set out his stall by saying he wants to 'see where it goes' with you. My interpretation of 'see where it goes' is that it's not really going to go anywhere because it doesn't actually have a destination to go to. Think of it like you're both in a car. My next question would be "where do you want it to go?" If neither of you know the answer then you end up going nowhere. If there's no destination there can be no journey. No one is driving or steering it anywhere. My next question would be "what is the point?" Why are you both sitting in a car together not knowing where you want to go?

If you're happy with seeing where it goes then that's fine. You didn't say in your previous answer what you wanted from this. You just said that he wanted to see where it goes. I'd recommend giving this a lot of thought. Perhaps over this weekend. I think you need to be honest with yourself about what you want. Don't worry about him. You need to work out the difference between what you think you want and what you actually need. You might conclude you need time and space too. You might conclude you want another relationship, and it would seem you think you do, then this is going to be tricky as he's not looking for a relationship with you. He's only offering a 'see where it goes' with you so this isn't a match for you. A 'see where it goes' isn't necessarily going to turn into a relationship. Hoping that it will just ends in disaster. Plus, at the outset, he's not turned round and said "yes, I'm dating because I'm in a viable, stable, emotionally available position and I'm looking for a relationship to compliment and enhance my life. You seem nice, would you like to be my girlfriend?" What he said at the outset was "I've just got out of a long term relationship where I was very badly hurt so I need time to heal but I'm going to disregard the healing part because you're here and you seem nice so if you want to meet up, fill my void for me and maybe I can stick my dick in you too. I'm not going to commit to you because I'm not ready for that but I can't tell you that otherwise you might not let me stick my dick in you so I'll tell you we can just see where it goes, meanwhile it means I can keep sticking my dick in you. Then when you start getting annoyed because it's not going anywhere I can just turn round and relinquish all responsibility and say I did tell you I was badly hurt and needed time and after all, I thought you were happy just seeing where it goes but sorry it didn't go anywhere with me or where you wanted it to go."

Hello everyone,

Than you for your advice, some great insights and I pulled back.

He was texting me everyday though asking about my job interview coming up, sending me photos as well. He's giving me advice today and saying how inundated he feels with work, he can feel he's getting ill as well. I'm taking this as a sign that he wants me to leave him be, he hasn't said that he wants to see me or anything

Did you get to see him again?

I read your post and was curious x