Are Libras Abusive? (Page 2)

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Excatly what I meant. Thanks for the explanations libra... 🙂

It's a place where she does not want to go. It isn't that she does not want to, but she is terrified. So someone needs to take her there...

That's probably a pretty accurate picture of what she's going through. Atom, if you have the strength to see this through and can possibly wait months, even years?? you might have this one.

Kennyg, never in the litteral sense. How do you suggest putting a Libra back in touch with her feelings and emotions of the romantic variety?

* However, if someone tried to "break me down" I would put my back up and not let go.

Me too! That makes me hard not soft. I would wipe the emotional floor with them.

I think it is something that just happens. You trust someone cause they get how to make you feel good instinctually. I don't think this is happening here. I don't think Atom just gets her at that level ... and she doesn't get him.

Sorry Atom. I know how much you have invested. I just don't see any other way.

LS, You don't think I know how to make this girl feel good? Wow. Now THAT is a blow.

I tend to agree with handling her emotionally but, even though some may think Aries incapable, in a gentle way. GENTLENESS still accomplishes things that nothing else can.

"LS, You don't think I know how to make this girl feel good? Wow. Now THAT is a blow.

I tend to agree with handling her emotionally but, even though some may think Aries incapable, in a gentle way. GENTLENESS still accomplishes things that nothing else can."

I think I see whats going on here. She is a closed off person dealing with some sort of pain in her past. She may have told you, told you some of it, or may not have told you any of it. She is really confused and working through it is re-writing a large part of herself. She likes you, your attention and your company but she won't open up to you regardless.

And when a libra doesn't want to open up, it doesn't matter how gentle and understanding or agressive and forceful you can be, it's just not going to happen. And no matter how gentle you are, the fact that you keep trying is going to build a lot of resentment towards you. A lot. She wont go for what you want because you accept that she might not want it.

That isn't what I said Atom.

Different things make different people feel good. What works for one person doesn't work for another. It comes down to a very base compatibility of how much two people are alike, how their inner worlds work.

Many men have tried to make me feel something for them or make me feel good but it didn't work. Why does what this person do make me feel good but this guy didn't?

It comes down to a base compatibility, a sense that this person REALLY understands me. They communicate on my level and it isn't something that can be learned. It is quite intuitive.

Aries can definitely be gentle. I am dating one who is making me crazy. He is a wonderful, wonderful man. I have dated other Aries who left me cold or who competed with me. This guy just seems to get me.

For example ... you always get your back up with me and go on the defensive. You don't get me on an instinctual level because you see everything I do a certain way. Is it person? Not really. We just don't *connect* on that level. We don't instinctually get each other. I don't get how to comfort you in a way you like. You don't get how to comfort me in a way that I like.

It isn't personal. We just aren't compatible.

Do you get what I am saying?

People like others all the time with whom they aren't compatible with and can't communicate with on a deep level. It is just a matter of communication style s and compatibility. How one person communicates trust and affection may not work for another person.

After a year (I think it has been a year) you and this girl should be somewhere ... and you aren't. I can only conclude that SOMETHING on SOME LEVEL is missing.

You always take it as I am trying to hurt you when I am not. I want you to be happy and I don't think continuing this path will ultimetly lead to you happiness.

* She likes you, your attention and your company but she won't open up to you regardless.

* And when a libra doesn't want to open up, it doesn't matter how gentle and understanding or agressive and forceful you can be, it's just not going to happen. And no matter how gentle you are, the fact that you keep trying is going to build a lot of resentment towards you. A lot. She wont go for what you want because you accept that she might not want it.

Thank you Nic. This is what I am trying to say. Although I think your last line you mean "She won't go for what you want because you DO NOT accept that she might not want it."

In other words, she likes you and you make her feel good but not at the level she needs to be a romantic partner to you.

There is something missing.

Just my opinion. YMMV.

Exactly LS.

This is a case of its not you it's her. The thing is... this is ok with her, because she ultimately choosing to not open up to you, and your pushing her to is going to be seen by her as you not accepting or respecting who she is and if this is the case, she will eventually show you in terms that are impossible to misunderstand and it is not going to be fun.

Someone who can whine and cry to her on how hard life can get and keep accusing her that she wont understand since she has never been in a bad position.. Do it for few days and she will slowly open up. Only mind games can get stuffs out of a libra... Or whoever can read whatever is going inside her head every other second.

LS, please read your post again; and posts I haven't written in comments to you in the past. I am not ALWAYS on the defense---your words. It DOES come off to me at times that you just throw things out and don't care if they hurt or not---hmmmm, seems like you've accused others of doing that to you. The important thing is that I DO read what you say and think about it and meditate on it. And sometimes I think you're telling me to just give up.

The other thing is this Girl HAS opened up some. And that may be it. I may just have to accept it. Where is it written that she HAS to open up completely for us to have a relationship? Does everyone have to open up completely to you to have a relationship?

nic', I appreciate your comments. I haven't pushed her to open up to anything. That's the issue here (the tug of war where some on this board believe I should push her some----some say hard, some say gentle). Yeah, she may not open up any more at all. I can still accept her.

And, LS, sometimes I get think you have a very black / white perspective about things. Yes, I may not "get" her on some levels or all the time and she may not get me. The point is WHO "gets" the other person all the time. No one I know. I may get her more than you know, but would like greater understanding. To write me off completely from her life because you think I don't get her seems rather extreme.

"your words. It DOES come off to me at times that you just throw things out and don't care if they hurt or not"

Atom, technically, if you get hurt, its your incapability to remain unhurt. LS can try to tell the truth in a buttered fashion. But thats a pure waste of time trying to twist words so that the listeners wont get offended or hurt. The best and easy way is to speak the truth in the simplest fashion irrespective of what she thinks you might feel.

Now its always listeners job to take an effort and try and understand the explanations or response in a way which doesn't hurt them. Its just a set of words in English language and it don't carry emotions or offense along with that. That part happens while you decode those words into your Aries brain. 😉

"And, LS, sometimes I get think you have a very black / white perspective about things. "

Keep this in mind, because astrologically your libra friend is the same in this manner. And libra women even more so than the men.

I was not trying to say that you were purposely pushing her, but to her, to anyone if you want to get down to it....hanging out with her with the hope of being with her and the thoughts and actions that come with it is pushing. There is expectation there, I know your intentions are good, and pure....but to her it is going to be black and white the intention/expectation is there. How do you get what you want, what you desire without that intention/expectation? I don't know....with her you might not be able to. You have to truely accept that, not just know it. That is how she is going to chose to let you in, and desire to be let into you. Libra women read male intention like a book. A short book. So much so that they are OVERLY sensitive to it, which makes a guys job of getting the girl even harder.

You don't chose Libra girls, they chose you.

why is she punching you Atom? The one Libra that I knew was far too ignoring, she took it to the extreme, so this in a way is being abusive.

Nightmarish diatribe all over some stupid skank.

No intimacy? she afraid of it?

Seems like you don't have any personal dynamism to make a move on her.

afraid of intimacy, there's your problem. What a f'in cold turkey libra frigid bit#@ skank you've been associating with.

If she's a paranoid disassociative frigid btch the last thing you wanna be is a passive aquiescent limp dck.

Has anyone ever tried to diagnose the disease FD has?? He has been trying to gain some attention and begging someone to help him out for long. 😢

Atom, I think the bottom line is that you don't have all that much to lose in gently putting her back in touch with her feelings. You know her best, and I am sure you've already noticed which buttons definitely not to push e.g. trying to kiss her without permission.

Libra

Ask for permission if she doesn't allow any sensual intimacy then she's a stupid freak.

Libra - on getting her "tipsy" whatever that means I don't agree with that, he has to be more assertive and forthcoming, she seems to be dissassociative (the punching) and frigid (lacking in warm intimate affections).

Atom, I think it's time you put this girl back on the shelf and select a different model. She's defective to your wants and needs.

FD - we're focusing on the solution now. Stay with it...!

lol! The funny thing is I actually am being sensitive and carefully choosing words to settle not to rile. I hate to think what would happen if I wasn't being guarded with my wording.

I really hate being misunderstood.

But I accept no matter how much I tippy toe on eggshells, they are going to break.

* your pushing her to is going to be seen by her as you not accepting or respecting who she is and if this is the case, she will eventually show you in terms that are impossible to misunderstand and it is not going to be fun.

Absolutely!

* I was not trying to say that you were purposely pushing her, but to her, to anyone if you want to get down to it....hanging out with her with the hope of being with her and the thoughts and actions that come with it is pushing. There is expectation there, I know your intentions are good, and pure....but to her it is going to be black and white the intention/expectation is there. How do you get what you want, what you desire without that intention/expectation? I don't know....with her you might not be able to. You have to truely accept that, not just know it. That is how she is going to chose to let you in, and desire to be let into you. Libra women read male intention like a book. A short book. So much so that they are OVERLY sensitive to it, which makes a guys job of getting the girl even harder.

* You don't chose Libra girls, they chose you.

Absolutely! (or close enough)

* And sometimes I think you're telling me to just give up.
That is because I am telling you to give up. You see that advice as cold and hurtful. I see it as loving because I want you to be happy and banging your head on the closed door is a waste of time and energy.

* The other thing is this Girl HAS opened up some.

That is great but it doesn't matter because emotionally she is still closed. I open up to people all the time that I don't have deep feelings about because it makes sense and helps them along. I can talk about very emotionally tramatic things without opening up emotionally cause that is what libras do.

* Where is it written that she HAS to open up completely for us to have a relationship?

She has to be emotionally open to forming an attachment to you, an emotional attachment. Otherwise, what's the point? She is attached to you as a friend but I haven't seen anything to suggest she sees you or is attached to you as a romantic partner.

Nic

Thanks for understanding me and where I am coming from. I truly, truly appreciate it.

* Someone who can whine and cry to her on how hard life can get and keep accusing her that she wont understand since she has never been in a bad position.. Do it for few days and she will slowly open up. Only mind games can get stuffs out of a libra.

With all do respect, I disagree. I do NOT want to be emotionally pried into. If I am looking for a partner, I want us to be equals. If he whines, cries, moans .... I think Gawd! Am I always going to have to carry his emotional burdens? Emotionally I will move away and declare that person not a good match for me. Game over.

If we are already emotionally connected and in a partnership, I will carry my partner's emotional weight knowing that other times he will carry mine and that it is temporary. I already TRUST his character and emotional/mental state ... or we wouldn't be partners. Make sense?

I just want to have fun especially with my partner. I DO NOT like emotional heavies. It stresses me out.

* ... Or whoever can read whatever is going inside her head every other second.

This I agree with. For the most part, we just want to be understood. There should just be a natural understanding and compatibility. We should just get each other. As Nic pointed out, this isn't an understanding that is achieved with words and explanations (as a Libra girl I hate that. Too much work and shows a fundamental flaw in the partnership. Perhaps it is an incompatibility, an inequality, a dissimilarity, it is a discord that I dislike. It makes me feel misunderstood which I don't want.) Obviously every relationship has a need of explainations from time to time, but for the most part I just want it to be instinctual.

This understanding without words (as Nic so eloquently put it in another post) should just exist. We should be natural compliments with no/little effort.

You should just get her, where she is coming from, what she needs, without hesitation. It should just be second nature. You should just get it, accept it, and fall into harmony with it naturally.

I really believe this is the key to the Libra heart and unfortunetly, it isn't something you can fake. It just is.

***With all do respect, I disagree. I do NOT want to be emotionally pried into.***

this is true depending on the state of mind of the libra in question. As long as you are normal and well balanced, then it works the way you mentioned. Suppose if this libra girl is in a balanced state of unbalanced thoughts, then someone has to become that low level whiner to reach to her situation and make her feel she is in a better stage or in an equal stage so she will talk. Put a virgo with her for a week, she will be back to normal.

The Libran is correct.

Unbalanced Libra has different latent needs than a balanced one. Very different in fact...

I don't think anyone can balance a Libra. When I have been broken to the point of complete depressed unbalance, I was completely closed to love. I had to slowly pull myself out of it with the help of good friends who looked after me but I pretty much did it myself.

You can't balance a Libra and make us ready for love. No one can. We have to do it ourselves.

Exactly. And sometimes you have to help the ball game by putting a Libra back in touch with her own emotions. Truly...

I dunno. When I am unbalanced I AM in touch with my feelings. TOOOO intouch with them. I become a nervous wreck, too sensitive, etc.

The problem is getting me to settle my emotions and detach from them. I become too focused on my emotions and don't keep my logic/objectivity. Not the opposite.

Maybe this would be a great board discussion. How do Libras define unbalance?

LS, Atom's Libra Girl is of a very different unbalanced variety than the one you are
referring to. Libra's core is to love - that surpressed is an unbalance in itself.

You're referring to FEELING crap for three weeks due to a sudden influence and when you look inward or externally there is a reason and you can think yourself out of it by letting time pass and giving it a certain spin/justification in your mind. Libra Girl's is a different one. Please accept. I've been there...

Please explain it to me because I don't understand.

I define unblanced as being emotionally devestated and unable to find hope, optomism, and my sense of humour. It can take years to climb out of. How are you defining it? I don't understand but would like too.

* As for me, after my divorce, I had a very hard time. I was no longer a wife, a partner, I was someone that I didn't even know. I lived alone for several years and in that time, found myself, my better self.

* When I started dating again, I was detached to say the least. It was like a Fellini movie in some ways!!! I was watching from the outside.

* I would never give anyone false hope that I was interested beyond a casual relationship.

I completely understand this as I have been there too.

I had to WANT to get over it/out of it. No one made me. I had to get myself there and find someone I was willing to risk for because they got me.

Leebra your story with Mr. Scorp is the only reason why I think Atom *should* have hope. From my expeirence, I don't think he should cause I know pretty quick what I am capable of.

Ya know?

Leebra thanks. It's along those lines.

It's also something to do with an unawareness of the fear (the surpressed bit) and thinking that you're just not good enough or that love is not for you. So you come up with reasons that actually have a different root cause to the real root cause. And the real root cause is the fact that you've lost the connection with how to bridge the 'here & now' and getting to the 'happy loving couple' status. That on the ground you don't know how to behave anymore such that you can take yourself seriously and as a result he can take you seriously...

The consciousness of the 'in the moment'...

Wow this post has gotten long! And GOOD. I hope EVERYONE who comes to this Board reads this post because there is a lot of wisdom here, on all sides.

LS, you may be surprised but I AGREE with you. I really do believe your communication comes from a caring heart. I have LEARNED, per nic's insights and kg's blatant / sweet honesty, more about the whole black / white perspective---and I think they both "get" me.

Last night I made our lovely Libra Girl a salmon dinner with a nice salad and chardonnay. We had a pleasant visit. Creme Broulee (sp?) w/ fresh raspberries for dessert. We watched a movie. I teased her several times touching her here and there (flirting) and, she smiles but is still pretty closed off. She doesn't really communicate what she wants from me or ANY future as even a friend.

SO I'VE DECIDED to run away. It's just hitting me that she doesn't want me (at the same level I want her) so 82% of you can cheer and say, "I told you so." I'm feeling, "If you don't want me, I'm just going to run away." So I am. I'll just see how she responds to that. Then go from there. I NEED to run away, get more emotionally stable----'cause of the toll this has taken on me. IF this makes it easier for her not to deal with someone who wants to be intimate with her, so be it. Truly, I felt last night I could have been ANYONE in her life at her place, making dinner, talking and watching a movie----and it wouldn't have mattered to her. YES, I know how Libras can HIDE their emotions so maybe that's not correct. BUT it came off to me that way. Time for me to go from her for now. And if she asks why, I will tell her, "You don't want me. So I'm running away."

Atom, as long as you don't run away from us. We want you!

How sweet! Thank you, Liba.

"I'll just see how she responds to that. Then go from there."

Thats shows you are still not yet ready to move on. 😛

How can he stay away?? he's hooked!!! LIke the rest of us crazies LOL