Wot? A Surprise!

Oh my. What a surprise I had last night! I called Libra Girl just to find out about how her day was (telling myself I wouldn't talk about our relationship AT ALL). And SHE wanted to talk about our relationship! She figured out that when she told me she appreciated our friendship that that meant to me she wanted to be "just friends"---the death knell to a romantic relationship with a guy, in a GUY's mind.

So I told her that is EXACTLY how I heard it and she said something along the line that she was just talking about guys GENERALLY, not me specifically. I told her I couldn't be just friends because I want to grow in our relationship together and become BEST FRIENDS because I truly care for her on every level and trust her so much now. Well, she just wanted to make sure she kept communicating not to expect a romantic relationship right now. Which I don't! (It would be NICE, but I don't want to risk losing her out of my life. IDEALLY, if it got to that level, I'd want to make sure we were tracking the same way at the same time).

So she vacilated some and told me she really likes me and likes hanging out with me. And she does feel passion and emotion; she just doesn't want to hurt me. Well, I told her a person always takes a risk of getting hurt when they are VULNERABLE (and, boy, was I feeling vulnerable right then!). AND, really, it's my responsibility whether I'm hurt or not. I know she was saying in her own way that she is being considerate and sweet, but it CAN sound like a cop-out not to CONNECT with others.

The clincher is I told her about another woman in my life, a Virgo, that I had known for about 10 years who WANTED to have a romantic relationship with me. Well, the timing never worked out. So I gave HER the "just friends" speech and she accepted it. I told Libra Girl that NOW I only talk to the Virgo girl every 3 or 4 months and ASKED if Libra Girl wants THAT. She said, "No."

Hmmmm. Somehow I feel closer to Libra Girl and get a sense she REALLY likes me (like it's adding up in her head).

We talked 40 minutes! FORTY minutes! I couldn't believe it. I hope she realizes what a SWEET thing we have.

"And she does feel passion and emotion; she just doesn't want to hurt me."

WTF is with these girls and thinking that they have so mucn power. I mean really now, I got the same speach this last week after my Libra friend. I was thinking "what makes you think I care that much right now" of course I didn't say it but she just came accross so entitled.

Hey, notso---that cracks me up!

nic, we HAVE been running into the same thing. Ha!

Just back away because then she can drop her guards. Then she'll think 'now what was the problem?'...

Atom/Nick

"because you can't see the positive in the one your with when they are so close you can't see the whole picture."

This is a reply from you, Nick, and I think it is applicable to both your Libra girls too.

This is why they need their space, just like you do. So they can review things. They've come a step closer to what they wanted and now need to review the situation incl the feelings.

Yeah I guess we are running into the same thing. Looks like I am a couple of steps behind you at this point though. Maybe I should stop being a cynical ass and maybe ask the advice of the Libra girls on this board. 😛 Let my ego take a back seat and admit I can't figure this one out.

*** I was thinking "what makes you think I care that much right now" of course I didn't say it but she just came accross so entitled.

Nic

This is your problem. She WANTS you to care that much right now. She senses your hesitation. She is a really insecure girl.

I am still convinced that Atom is waiting for a fire to start in the rain. I don't think she is attracted to him. It has been over six months. Something would have happened by now.

BUT getting back to that statement. If I know you are more into me than I am into you, I worry about rejecting you because being told you aren't attractive to someone, for whatever reason, is hard. No one likes to hear it. Even if it stings for a day, it is still a sting.

In Nic's case, I think she is a mess and it is more sincere that she will end up hurting him because she isn't in a good place emotionally right now.

In Atom's case, I really don't think it is there for her. I think she really WANTS it to be there and really likes him but no fire, spark, whatever.

I thought Atom was a female also.

Atom.. I knew you were a guy! The others here are psycho.. he has been saying it was a chic since he first started posting..

Okay, All. Yes, Atom is a guy---it would never occur to me a name like Atom could have the feminine gender, BUT 'tis possible. (I'm actually a "Tom." Just so you know!).

nic, we're having fun, aren't we! Libra, as always, your comments are VERY VALUABLE to me. little sparrow, I've just GOT to tell YOU what happened today! (The rest of you may chime in, of course).

Libra Girl and I went to lunch at a restaurant of her choice. Then we did some of our real estate business together, connecting with some other agents. A little later I gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and told her, "I've missed you! How do you feel about that?" In a funny, whimsical way she said, "Oh. I missed you too. I can't live without you." My response?="That's why my nickname for you is 'Twerp.'" Then I changed the subject.

It was getting close to leaving and she asked me what else I'd like to do; so I said, "Get some chocolate." Libra Girl drove (we were in her car) for about 5 miles 'til we found a place that had chocolate-covered cherries. Which we shared---yes, I popped one at a time in her mouth while she was watching the road. And we said "Bye" to each other a little later.

THEN she called tonight feeling bad that she hadn't introduced me to one of the agents she had been talking with. I told her I've done that before; and I appreciated her sensitivity. It's okay. She seemed satisfied with that.

Hmmmm. Seems to me this is ALL pretty cool. (I KNOW only a Libra could tell me what's REALLY going on here! Ha!).

aTom

She cannot stay away but not flirting with you. I've you've read my posts (under that tree) then you know what it means.

When is her birthday?

Libra

but is*

If you've*

(I should take less caffeine)

Been reading and would like to ask about Libra man I was seeing (we consumated our relationship once but continued to see each other for a while, I think I was being too pushy) who said he thought at this time he only saw us as being just friends and I thought it was a brush off. This was back in November, I have since called him on occasion which he has answered (he never calls me) and we chatted. Before xmas we had a drink and as I was leaving he wanted a kiss and hug—?!!!. So its been another month and I just talked to him this last week and we chatted again. Do you all think he is just being nice and is waiting for me to just get tired of him? Ive never seen friends kiss and hug (closed mouth of course). Im confused. I have since met another Libra who seems totally different and aggressive, maybe after he gets what he wants he'll cool off too. I wont give in to him though. HELP!!! (Im a scorpio)

I hug and kiss everyone. I am a pretty affectionate person.

It just sounds like the guy was being honest. He likes you as a person but you aren't it for each other for whatever reason.

I don't think men sleep with you and leave because you slept with them. Maybe something was missing and they knew the two of you weren't meant to be long term. Wouldn't you rather they walk away than string you along for several years?

* I don't think men sleep with you and leave because you slept with them.

Guys like that have too much damage anyway and you don't want them to stick around anyway. People that loathe and have no respect for someone who sleeps with them are really saying a lot about themselves.

I really don't think that is the case with Libra one. I just think there is some compatibility issue for him.

October 12. And please fill in the *'s---we Aries are so black and white it's not funny. 'Appreciate you, Libra!

Shirley, you must have met my former Libra!

'Love your comment, LEEBRA!

Thanks for the response people. I really like Libra one, he said we butted heads, so if I change my ways do you think he might change his mind about us? If I gained his trust again? I do not think I really realized how sensative he was til I started reading your site. Or do you think I should just bag it and not contact him at all, even as a friend——? Thanks again.

To me, it sounds like your Libra Girl as a whole is not particularly shy and on the surface does not come across as insecure. But I think that your Girl is very shy in the love department.

It sounds like she does put herself outthere (cannot stay away from you) but is not flirting (too risky). Is very careful and thinks things through (had to tell you that she felt she lost you your job). Leaves most decisions up to you.

I think you stand a pretty good chance but you have to get that bit right. She is not gonna do it. The phone message in the evening means she is thinking about you and is also showing effort. I would give her a bit more time ? that increases her longing. She will try to show you and become more bold because she wants you to realise without her having to say it. Inside she will be a bit frustrated with herself because she cannot say it.

Then eventually you'll have to step in and say something. But do it right when she is trying to show you ? at least she'll be in the same frame of mind. You'll know when this is, it'll be obvious somehow. But give her a little bit more time. You'll see her become more serious and her frustration will grow (because she cannot express herself).

I might be wrong but I am Oct 10 and verbally also quite shy in this department.

" so if I change my ways do you think he might change his mind about us?"

WHY WOULD YOU CHANGE FOR HIM? YOU'RE AN ADULT AND YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE! That's a sign of weakness if you're willing to change who you are just to nab a guy. If he can't accept you for who you are and if you two butted heads as you said, then that's not going to change. It's a personality thing, not whether or not you change your composite for him. Let's say you change FOR HIM and it STILL doesn't work out...where are you then? You're bitter and hurt because you changed things about you for him hoping it would makes things better between the two of you and hurts you even more than you can only imagine at this point.

I don't change for anyone other than me. It's you that makes you happy. Everything/Everyone else are just added incentives.

if you were butting head after knowing someone that amount of time then you aren't compatible long term. Period. You can lie about yourself and who you are, but you can only hide it for so long. Eventually your true natures will clash and well, both of you will be heartbroken. Why go there?

just walk away.

well fudge...why won't it show up?

lol!

It did. Twice.

"it depends where her head is, not her heart."

Spot on!

Libra, Thank you. You described Libra Girl to a "T" and I have reached those conclusions also. I would like to do something nice for her (like writing a poem to her) but also feeling I need to stay away for awhile, for her sake, to give her time she needs. She is a wonderful girl.

Thanks for the advice, k'g!

No poems and no sticky stuff. Don't go soft on her now. Just ride it out.

She has her part to play now which is thinking, bit of conquering, some more thinking, some more conquering. Then a final obvious sign which will be your cue to step in. Then she will give you the green light and THEN you can send all the poems you like.

You have to understand with us Libra girls, that YOU cannot convince us. WE can only convince us.

A poem will just make you a softie. Alluding words in a reply are considered sexy especially when you keep it a bit vague. THIS MUST ALWAYS be in RESPONSE to an action of HER. Don't do thing in unsolicited fashion - it will backfire. SHE has to put in the initial effort first. You know, the reaching out that is a clear sigh of effort which equates to 'we want something'.

Let me know if this makes no sense...

anything*

sign*

(sorry, am supposed to prepare for a meeting but find this much more important for some reason!!)

"She has her part to play now which is thinking, bit of conquering, some more thinking, some more conquering. Then a final obvious sign which will be your cue to step in. Then she will give you the green light and THEN you can send all the poems you like."

Ok, so lets pretend the girl I went and saw is going to require the same type of behavior on my part. I am interrested in the Libra girls take on two people distancing themselves to try and figure things out and say one (I) slept with someone else. I don't really get jelous so in the same situation if the other person was sleeping with someone else, it wouldn't really bother me. After all, were not together....however, how would a Libra girl feel about the same thing?

Does she know you slept with someone else?
At which stage when knowing current Libra girl was this?

You were talking hypothetically, of course...

- Your sex life prior to knowing me I don't give a stuff about...

- If I think we're a bit of an item - am hopefull - and you're having sex w/someone else: it's a big deal. She can have you. I never compete over a guy.

- If you clearly broke up with me you're free to do what you want even if we got back together afterwards, your sex life is not my business

If I am very much in love with you I can rationalise everything out such that my principles are not in the way and I can still have you...(the Libra twist)

Libra, Thank you. Your advice is invaluable.

*** If I think we're a bit of an item - am hopefull - and you're having sex w/someone else: it's a big deal. She can have you. I never compete over a guy.

I dunno. I won't compete over a guy either but if I am still uncertain and still on the fence, I won't care that much because by my very being on the fence I am uncertain of how much I care or what I feel. As a result, you can mess around with whoever because I am on the fence. I don't own you.

If we are in an exclusive relationship and you have my heart in your hands, that is a whole other ballgame.

*** If I am very much in love with you I can rationalise everything out such that my principles are not in the way and I can still have you...(the Libra twist)

Yep. Unfortunately.

Atom .. fyi .. it's not the name that suggests femininity, rather, your verbal expression.

Anyway .. back to topic

P-Angel, My expression? How interesting! One of the nicest compliments I've ever received!

Meanwhile, Libra Girl called me with another silly, yet valid, excuse just to talk. Then went on and on and on about her day (which is great, BTW) and we TRIED to set up a time to get together but it's pretty tough with our schedules right now---and SHE sounded disappointed, like she might lose me. But we left it with her letting me know when we can get together early next week. YES, I am tempted to send her and e-mail---but holding that off. So I ASSUME things are going swimmingly, eh?

"P-Angel, My expression? How interesting! One of the nicest compliments I've ever received!"

Best response possible.

ok, so " As a result, you can mess around with whoever because I am on the fence. I don't own you." Is the way I look at things too.

Truth be told I do like this girl, but I am not going to put myself out for someone whom I haven't heard of in over a week. The last time I talked to her was when she was seein me off on the way home, so it is a bit strange she hasn't made any attempt to return the calls I have made. I can see where Libra is comming from where messing around with someone else would be a deal breaker, but right now the way she is acting could very quickly become a deal breaker for me. I don't have 'em lined up and ready to go or anything, I'm just thinking I'm not going to start removing myself from situations of opportunity.

Atom,

That sounds like a good sign. Good luck this week.

"and SHE sounded disappointed, like she might lose me."

She is not afraid of losing you at this point. She does not have you, you see. She is disappointed for you not going out of your way. She was testing you, and that too she called you. So, no result.

How come you did not have any time for her? How difficult can it be?

Shirley from a scorp with a lot of experience with Libra men to a scorp girl.... It sounds like he does care about you, because no, libra men don't just kiss everyone in the mouth... Also it just seems like he isn't interested or maybe not ready for a relationship, if he says that they normally mean it... However, he may change his mind. Give him a chance to call you try and hold out as long as you can. We tend to attract these Libra men constantly. Go out and explore the new friendship with the new Lirbra in the meantime. Just take it slow...

Libra, Libra Girl's dad came to town and he's helping her with all day projects. My schedule has filled up to the point of working all day until about 7PM at night, when I usually eat dinner. I offered her dinner this weekend; she made it plain she had other plans and SHE was thinking of lunch this coming week; I did give her the opening to call me today if anything clears up, but 'haven't heard from her. (Her dad does dominate her time when he's around). I assume she wants to get together (most likely a lunch) Monday or Tuesday. Believe me, I do NOT want to be booked so tight that I won't have time with this girl. I'm in that "showing interest but not pushing" state of mind which I have assimilated from your advice and others' advice. Suggestions? What would have been a better way to handle this?

And, nic, thanks for the encouragement.

Atom

It's OK. Don't worry about it. But that is how she thinks...

She will get over it and she will endeavour to conquer once again. Your aloofness that she will now think exists will do you good. These little setbacks build up the longing further.

She's got more tricks up her sleeve, don't you worry. We're little fighters :-)

If she now tries again then you will know that she wants you.

Sweeeet! Thanks, L! :-)

You're welcome .. it shows that you have a deep awareness of yourself and have allowed your soul the freedom to grow beyond the chains of gender acceptance ..