@MyStarsShine
9 Years25,000+ Posts
Why is marriage so hard (Page 2)
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Posted by HearttofTopazzHow long were you together before getting married?
Doesn’t matter how compatible two people are; marriage is still hard work. Some days will be effortless and others can feel like it takes every oz of patience you have just to keep your sanity. Everything else in between is choosing your battles wisely, and both parties communicating their wants/needs in a healthy manner. Learn each others love languages. Have lots of sex. Don’t go to bed angry. Find new ways to grow together! Remember if both parties don’t put the work in then marriage will start to feel more like a chore than anything. Best of luck!
We’ve been together now for 4 years. Next January will be our fifth 🥳
I’m no expert on marriage as I have never been married but as someone who has observed many disastrous marriages, I can say that it’s marrying for the wrong reasons that lead to the downfall. Marry for the right reasons!! What’s even more fascinating is how easily and casually people execute this life altering decision 😆
Relationships shouldn't be hard or this huge life-altering thing when you "learn new things about yourself" or hard lessons (or rather, that can come in the form of any person). Gtfo with that hippie horseshit. Marriage is about serenity and peace and don't try n change me motherfucker.
It's about knowing yourself and where you are and how that person fits into the picture. It isn't about up-rooting the picture and starting shit.
/Taurus rising
Posted by MyStarsShineAnyone that thinks marriage isn't hard work, aren't married
Lol
Marriage, relationship.. exact same thing. Been in two long term ones, none were hard. Anyone who thinks marriage is hard is with the wrong person. Or maybe you're the wrong person in all your marriages/relationships. Either way
Imo it isn't really hard. I've never been married personally, so honestly I'm no expert at the topic. The way I see it is I wouldn't get married to someone that makes life worse for me. I wouldn't even date them long enough for them to truly let me down, because the red flags would have me exit long before that. That's probably the reason I'm not married lol.
Posted by MyStarsShinePeople are funny when they think they're experts on matters and have never experienced them 🤔
So what makes you an expert on marriage when you have only divorces behind you?
If you choose & attract men with mommy issues your marriage is probably going to be hard work and that's all on you. If you have a somewhat healthy relationship to yourself and what you should aspire to want instead of following the same tracks, married life shouldn't come as hard work.
Posted by Phantom_DangusI think it's not very nice to meet a poster who says her marriage is hard with "fuck it. Divorce him." That seems to be the message behind "you're not compatible" and "it shouldn't be hard."
How about we hear her out first?
In YOUR mind, "You're not compatible" means "F---- it. Get a divorce.". Wow. Just, wow. 🤦
Posted by LostinmyMind11Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by LostinmyMind11Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by LostinmyMind11Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by LostinmyMind11Obviously I've never been married (thank God lol) but I don't understand what the big adjustment is? Majority of people have been living with each other before they got married so unless you didn't...what exactly makes it any different? A piece of paper? Your last names are the same now? What's this big adjustment??
People start seeing you as family. A unit. It's more permanent. If it wasn't, people wouldn't do it.
I would have to disagree with you. For one...nothing is permanent. For two...if you've been together for a long time prior to being married...I guarantee, people look at you just the same. Now it's different if you've been together for a short time... obviously.
Well, as a married person who has experienced how people treat you differently, I too have to disagree.
Well, as a person who was in a committed relationship for 10 years, and was treated like we were married...we will have to agree to disagree lol.
Since you didn't do it, you don't know what might have changed if you'd gotten the piece of paper.
Anyway, I seriously doubt the OP is asking for a pissing contest about what marriage means.
Again that's all mind set... you're literally letting a piece of paper change things and if that's the case...why get married?!
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Lol yeah.. I don't get it either.
Been with my gf for almost 5 years, that should warrant a marriage badge even though no papers were signed. Living together. Now let's sign those papers and watch it all fall apart.. 😂
So ridiculous that ppl in the Western countries still think there's something supernatural about a piece of paper.
I literally don't even know which one of my friends are married & which ones are just in long term relationships lol. That's how much I give for 'people view you differently'
Posted by IAteMyGrandmaInMonkeyTownExactly what my ex Sag said. Marriage was soooo haaard for her.
Sags are hoars so naturally commitment comes hard
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePeople are funny when they think they're experts on matters and have never experienced them 🤔
So what makes you an expert on marriage when you have only divorces behind you?
If you choose & attract men with mommy issues your marriage is probably going to be hard work and that's all on you. If you have a somewhat healthy relationship to yourself and what you should aspire to want instead of following the same tracks, married life shouldn't come as hard work.
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I find living alone is much healthier for me and living with others not so much
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePeople are funny when they think they're experts on matters and have never experienced them 🤔
So what makes you an expert on marriage when you have only divorces behind you?
If you choose & attract men with mommy issues your marriage is probably going to be hard work and that's all on you. If you have a somewhat healthy relationship to yourself and what you should aspire to want instead of following the same tracks, married life shouldn't come as hard work.
I find living alone is much healthier for me and living with others not so much
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How's that make you an expert on marriage as oppose to someone who's never been married but been in a few long-term relationships?
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePosted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePeople are funny when they think they're experts on matters and have never experienced them 🤔
So what makes you an expert on marriage when you have only divorces behind you?
If you choose & attract men with mommy issues your marriage is probably going to be hard work and that's all on you. If you have a somewhat healthy relationship to yourself and what you should aspire to want instead of following the same tracks, married life shouldn't come as hard work.
I find living alone is much healthier for me and living with others not so much
How's that make you an expert on marriage as oppose to someone who's never been married but been in a few long-term relationships?
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It doesn’t, i didnt claim to be one.
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePosted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePeople are funny when they think they're experts on matters and have never experienced them 🤔
So what makes you an expert on marriage when you have only divorces behind you?
If you choose & attract men with mommy issues your marriage is probably going to be hard work and that's all on you. If you have a somewhat healthy relationship to yourself and what you should aspire to want instead of following the same tracks, married life shouldn't come as hard work.
I find living alone is much healthier for me and living with others not so much
How's that make you an expert on marriage as oppose to someone who's never been married but been in a few long-term relationships?
It doesn’t, i didnt claim to be one.
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Yet you assume people are not experts at human relationships simply bc they didn't sign a paper, which according to you = experience?
Posted by Pisces1803So my Sag and I just recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Does the second year get any better or it is just as much hard work?
Lmao...if you love him...what’s HARD?
Did you live together before?
Marriage isn’t hard at all. It just takes communication. It’s just like any other relationship/partnership. You grow and learn with the person and compromise. They should be your best friend and you should be able to openly talk about anything.
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePosted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePosted by enfant_terriblePosted by MyStarsShinePeople are funny when they think they're experts on matters and have never experienced them 🤔
So what makes you an expert on marriage when you have only divorces behind you?
If you choose & attract men with mommy issues your marriage is probably going to be hard work and that's all on you. If you have a somewhat healthy relationship to yourself and what you should aspire to want instead of following the same tracks, married life shouldn't come as hard work.
I find living alone is much healthier for me and living with others not so much
How's that make you an expert on marriage as oppose to someone who's never been married but been in a few long-term relationships?
It doesn’t, i didnt claim to be one.
Yet you assume people are not experts at human relationships simply bc they didn't sign a paper, which according to you = experience?
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Yes, signing a contract whereby you promise to stay together forever is different to just living together
Imo
Posted by MyStarsShineYes, signing a contract whereby you promise to stay together forever is different to just living together
Imo
Yeah cuz that works out better for most part
Posted by signupOne could also say that raising kids is hard, but not me. I'd marry my wife and help her raise our 3 kids again in a heartbeat.
It must be easy! She is raising kids while you are raiding Dxp...
Posted by saggurl88Marriage isn’t hard at all. It just takes communication. It’s just like any other relationship/partnership. You grow and learn with the person and compromise. They should be your best friend and you should be able to openly talk about anything.
...well...if you were right...
Posted by SagMalePosted by Ararule1Sag love chase and freedom you conquered now.
Sag n aquaz understand man not meant be monogoose meant spread seed. Dat why man cum fast woman not. Man made to shoot load n on to next woman meant be fukd over and over so seed spread.
Sag either on to next in mind or confuse on what do next.
I used to be this way, until I discovered the cage of poop and pee sex. It's when you're in a cage—not free—but that cage is poop and pee sex. It's better than freedom. It's like finding yourself after being deprived of poop and pee sex for all those years. I was born for this.
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Do you have health insurance?
Is it just the lack of romance that's making it hard or are there other underlying issues?
I'm coming up to 2 years of marriage now and although the first year was a breeze for us, we had a baby towards the end of the first year, which made the second year very hard at times. I'm also a pisces sun/aries moon, and felt like giving up at times because I was under the illusion that marriage shouldn't be hard work. But all relationships ebb and flow and as long as you are committed to each other, love each other and *want* to make it work, it will work.
Posted by WateryGemDid you live together before?
No we didn’t.
Posted by mudra_It is hard. And you're not alone in feeling that. Everyone says the first year is hard.
All that matters is being good to each other through all the hardships because the little things mean a lot. Remind each other that the biggest friction forms when women don't feel heard or understood and when men don't feel appreciated or valued.
People will have their opinions whether it be family, friends or dxp threads. Especially people who have never been married saying what they would do, how it should be and shaming the whole system. But only you guys know the love you're capable of. That love that moves mountains. You got this.
If that is your pic, it's so absolutely gorgeous. Congrats on your one year!!!!
Thanks very much. That is my Sag and I on our post wedding photo shoot (4 months after the wedding 😂😂) Didn’t have time to organise pre wedding. So glad I could still fit in my wedding dress 😂😂😂
Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusI think it's not very nice to meet a poster who says her marriage is hard with "fuck it. Divorce him." That seems to be the message behind "you're not compatible" and "it shouldn't be hard."
How about we hear her out first?
In YOUR mind, "You're not compatible" means "F---- it. Get a divorce.". Wow. Just, wow. 🤦
How do you fix "incompatible"?
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You're trying to be funny but you're not. I'm NOT in an "incompatible" relationship so WHAT do I really care? I dont. Been there. Done that. 🤷
Again, you love to misinterpret what people say 🙄🤦 SMDH
Marriage is not hard work. Relationships are not hard work. Friendship is not hard work.
Life can be.
What is it that you are finding so difficult? You should be in your honeymoon period.
Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusI think it's not very nice to meet a poster who says her marriage is hard with "fuck it. Divorce him." That seems to be the message behind "you're not compatible" and "it shouldn't be hard."
How about we hear her out first?
In YOUR mind, "You're not compatible" means "F---- it. Get a divorce.". Wow. Just, wow. 🤦
How do you fix "incompatible"?
You're trying to be funny but you're not. I'm NOT in an "incompatible" relationship so WHAT do I really care? I dont. Been there. Done that. 🤷
Again, you love to misinterpret what people say 🙄🤦 SMDH
Tell me what I misinterpreted.
There is more shade in this response. If you're going to say shitty things to people, at least have the nerve to say what you mean and not try to back out of it after.
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I don't throw shade. I speak direct! As I've done with you. Just the other day you misinterpreted EXACTLY WHAT I said. And, you're doing it AGAIN. What is wrong w your head that you feel the need to TWIST people's words? I CLEARLY said her issue may be that they AREN'T truly compatible. Then YOU SAID that someone stating that they're incompatible means "f---- it. Get a divorce!". Your brain is stumped. STOP taking other people's clearly written words and using them for f--kery. That's not shade. That's direct. Get it? 😒
Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusI think it's not very nice to meet a poster who says her marriage is hard with "fuck it. Divorce him." That seems to be the message behind "you're not compatible" and "it shouldn't be hard."
How about we hear her out first?
In YOUR mind, "You're not compatible" means "F---- it. Get a divorce.". Wow. Just, wow. 🤦
How do you fix "incompatible"?
You're trying to be funny but you're not. I'm NOT in an "incompatible" relationship so WHAT do I really care? I dont. Been there. Done that. 🤷
Again, you love to misinterpret what people say 🙄🤦 SMDH
Tell me what I misinterpreted.
There is more shade in this response. If you're going to say shitty things to people, at least have the nerve to say what you mean and not try to back out of it after.
I don't throw shade. I speak direct! As I've done with you. Just the other day you misinterpreted EXACTLY WHAT I said. And, you're doing it AGAIN. What is wrong w your head that you feel the need to TWIST people's words? I CLEARLY said her issue may be that they AREN'T truly compatible. Then YOU SAID that someone stating that they're incompatible means "f---- it. Get a divorce!". Your brain is stumped. STOP taking other people's clearly written words and using them for f--kery. That's not shade. That's direct. Get it? 😒
I'll ask you again. If they are "incompatible" what steps can she take? How are you helping and not just judging?
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Folk love to throw the word 'JUDGING' around so loosely.
Listen, I'm done. She'll figure it out and I guess you will too. Bye!
Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by sweetpea2977Posted by Phantom_DangusI think it's not very nice to meet a poster who says her marriage is hard with "fuck it. Divorce him." That seems to be the message behind "you're not compatible" and "it shouldn't be hard."
How about we hear her out first?
In YOUR mind, "You're not compatible" means "F---- it. Get a divorce.". Wow. Just, wow. 🤦
How do you fix "incompatible"?
You're trying to be funny but you're not. I'm NOT in an "incompatible" relationship so WHAT do I really care? I dont. Been there. Done that. 🤷
Again, you love to misinterpret what people say 🙄🤦 SMDH
Tell me what I misinterpreted.
There is more shade in this response. If you're going to say shitty things to people, at least have the nerve to say what you mean and not try to back out of it after.
I don't throw shade. I speak direct! As I've done with you. Just the other day you misinterpreted EXACTLY WHAT I said. And, you're doing it AGAIN. What is wrong w your head that you feel the need to TWIST people's words? I CLEARLY said her issue may be that they AREN'T truly compatible. Then YOU SAID that someone stating that they're incompatible means "f---- it. Get a divorce!". Your brain is stumped. STOP taking other people's clearly written words and using them for f--kery. That's not shade. That's direct. Get it? 😒
I'll ask you again. If they are "incompatible" what steps can she take? How are you helping and not just judging?
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Btw, to assess something MEANS to judge it. Judging something doesn't mean condemning it. In her original post she left out a lot of details. I'm not into fishing for details. Lay the issue out so people can see it clearly.
"Marriage is a great institution
But I'm not ready for an institution"
Mae West
Lol
Marriage is a three ring circus- engagement ring, wedding ring and suffer-ing.
Just kidding op, the first year is tough regardless of how long you dated. It's mingling all of your traditions, family members, culture, religion, life style , etc. and learning to appreciate and respect the differences.
My first anniversary was a complete disaster, we got into a huge fight and I felt devastated...
Posted by LostinmyMind11Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by LostinmyMind11Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by LostinmyMind11Obviously I've never been married (thank God lol) but I don't understand what the big adjustment is? Majority of people have been living with each other before they got married so unless you didn't...what exactly makes it any different? A piece of paper? Your last names are the same now? What's this big adjustment??
People start seeing you as family. A unit. It's more permanent. If it wasn't, people wouldn't do it.
I would have to disagree with you. For one...nothing is permanent. For two...if you've been together for a long time prior to being married...I guarantee, people look at you just the same. Now it's different if you've been together for a short time... obviously.
Well, as a married person who has experienced how people treat you differently, I too have to disagree.
Well, as a person who was in a committed relationship for 10 years, and was treated like we were married...we will have to agree to disagree lol.
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My aunt and uncle were together for 20+ years without being married.
Posted by Jules-llMarriage is a three ring circus- engagement ring, wedding ring and suffer-ing.
Just kidding op, the first year is tough regardless of how long you dated. It's mingling all of your traditions, family members, culture, religion, life style , etc. and learning to appreciate and respect the differences.
My first anniversary was a complete disaster, we got into a huge fight and I felt devastated...
Not good Jules-II, sorry to hear. My first wedding anniversary was great..then went downhill from there.. it’s true that we’re both in the learning stages but he experienced most of this whilst we’re still dating.
It’s a little different now. I think with work/life pressures and some health set back it’s changed my husband’s attitude.
Or maybe I’ve changed? My Pisces tendency in wanting to see everything through rose coloured glasses may have made me miss the signs in the beginning?
Posted by Jules-llMarriage is a three ring circus- engagement ring, wedding ring and suffer-ing.
Just kidding op, the first year is tough regardless of how long you dated. It's mingling all of your traditions, family members, culture, religion, life style , etc. and learning to appreciate and respect the differences.
My first anniversary was a complete disaster, we got into a huge fight and I felt devastated...
You and scorp is married?
Posted by Pisces1803Posted by Jules-llMarriage is a three ring circus- engagement ring, wedding ring and suffer-ing.
Just kidding op, the first year is tough regardless of how long you dated. It's mingling all of your traditions, family members, culture, religion, life style , etc. and learning to appreciate and respect the differences.
My first anniversary was a complete disaster, we got into a huge fight and I felt devastated...
Not good Jules-II, sorry to hear. My first wedding anniversary was great..then went downhill from there.. it’s true that we’re both in the learning stages but he experienced most of this whilst we’re still dating.
It’s a little different now. I think with work/life pressures and some health set back it’s changed my husband’s attitude.
Or maybe I’ve changed? My Pisces tendency in wanting to see everything through rose coloured glasses may have made me miss the signs in the beginning?
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We started fighting while we were dating, should have run then... But yes, pisces, 12 house placements and Libra mooners like to look at the world through rose color glasses. I been disappointed by people more times than I'd like to admit, but not letting it change me or my expectations!
Good luck to you, hope it all works out the way you wish... Before you give up, please try counseling.
Posted by ELIGABPosted by Jules-llMarriage is a three ring circus- engagement ring, wedding ring and suffer-ing.
Just kidding op, the first year is tough regardless of how long you dated. It's mingling all of your traditions, family members, culture, religion, life style , etc. and learning to appreciate and respect the differences.
My first anniversary was a complete disaster, we got into a huge fight and I felt devastated...
You and scorp is married?
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Nope, this is my Aries ex husband.
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by IAteMyGrandmaInMonkeyTownExactly what my ex Sag said. Marriage was soooo haaard for her.
Sags are hoars so naturally commitment comes hard
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We just don't want the life sucked out of us or to be trapped because we happy people with big hearts
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❤️
I’m a 7th houser too 🙂