Cheating

What makes people on here think that cheating translates to the same set of boundaries and circumstances to any one person?

What makes people think that it’s ok NOT discussing with their SO/date on what their personal view of cheating is?

There should be NO topic a couple can't discuss INCLUDING cheating.

Because people be like, his dick is inside my body every night but I'm afraid to discuss anything of substance with him. What if I scare him away??

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Posted by RamOfPeace

What makes people on here think that cheating translates to the same set of boundaries and circumstances to any one person?

What makes people think that it’s ok NOT discussing with their SO/date on what their personal view of cheating is?

Idgaf

I'm 45 Friday and keeping myself in shape so he can try me if he wanna. I'll be in dem streets. And, he knows this mang, LMAO

Posted by tiziani

Well I'll bite and gamble that you're asking sincerely.

Like everyone, I run into people who do this and eventually it happened often enough it was no use getting worked up about it. I asked myself what's in it for them.

It boils down to self-preservation and lack of sexual integrity. But some of it is really just harmless groupthink.

1. Protecting myself from confronting my desires.

If i'm sexually repressed, I'll make sure i talk loudly enough about my established set of rules/standards for other people to hear, so I can feel like i'm fitting in. I'll be very firm about what's right and wrong, what I do and don't accept. Meanwhile I get off to someone's voice through audio messages without even telling them. I won't even tell them I have a boyfriend from who i've asked and insisted on exclusive monogamous terms, everyone is in the dark except me. Then I see my "extra-marital affair object" living their life, building relationships. Worst yet, they are building relationships with women. Heaven forbid. I've spent so long objectifying them with my sexual desires that I don't accept they have a life of their own. So I accuse them and warn other women off of my toy. It backfires. It was good while it lasted.

Bottom line here is the short-term gain of trying to "police" other people's sex lives is easier than the long-term risk of confronting my own perversion.

I ran into this last year, actually on here. It's an example that happens to many people, way more often than it happens with me. Doesn't happen to me in real life only ever on interwebs.

2. Protecting my contradictory and limiting beliefs on the opposite sex (for hetero people). Maybe this happens in gay/lesbian relationships too I just haven't paid attention.

Let's say I believe all women are no-good whores or all men are animals who'll sleep with anything... that's awkward when I commit to one. I'll let my relationship with them serve me while I go on assuming the worst of them. The internal conflict builds up. I'm living my life with them in a way that's fundamentally inconsistent with my limiting beliefs and hatred of their gender.

The short-term gain of trying to "police" other women/men in their relationships gives me more security that I can control my partner's options, rather than confronting myself and finding sexual integrity in my personal life.

3. Groupthink.

A lot of the time people talk about cheating/relationships with no major self-interest involved. This is pretty harmless. Sometimes they just want to save time, belong to a community and feel like they are doing their part. Or they're discovering themselves in peace and they're willing to exchange ideas with their community about what works for them. It can be taken in the wrong way because sex is a touchy subject.

Just discussed the matter of groupthink with somebody last weekend.

For the most part I don’t find it useful, but overtime I become less affected by, while around communities and groups that thrive on it.

Posted by PurplePassion38

What? Is there an argument some where that I'm missing?

There wasn’t one, just an observation that urged me on to ask the question. Genuinely interested.

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

click to expand

I think he hit the nail on the head

Seen it happen lots of times.......

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

click to expand

Right! One of the things that make us adults is the ABILITY to resist temptation. Otherwise, you'll have the mind of a child. SMH. It's a sloppy excuse to live a sloppy, irresponsible and selfish life( style ). No thanks!

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

click to expand

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

Sounds a bit insecure to me. I've turned girls down because I didn't find them attractive or because I could see them being a problem such as being a psycho. TBH when I was 18 or so I doubt I would have turned anyone down, but I never got the opportunity.

click to expand

Sex is the holy grail for men, because our lower chakras have more organs 🙂

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

Right! One of the things that make us adults is the ABILITY to resist temptation. Otherwise, you'll have the mind of a child. SMH. It's a sloppy excuse to live a sloppy, irresponsible and selfish life( style ). No thanks!

click to expand

Men never really turn into adults.

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

click to expand

You just want variety? and not all sex is good, so I don't understand just screwing to do it while you have a relationship at home.

Have you ever been in love? Usually when men are deeply in love, they won't cheat.

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

Right! One of the things that make us adults is the ABILITY to resist temptation. Otherwise, you'll have the mind of a child. SMH. It's a sloppy excuse to live a sloppy, irresponsible and selfish life( style ). No thanks!

Men never really turn into adults.

click to expand

It certainly appears that way. Doesn't it? Sad.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

You just want variety? and not all sex is good, so I don't understand just screwing to do it while you have a relationship at home.

Have you ever been in love? Usually when men are deeply in love, they won't cheat.

click to expand

No i didnt say it was about variety. We have 3 large organs in the lower chakra area, physicality is very important to us, and has nothing to do with our feelings. But l'll probably be misunderstood again...l never got a woman to understand what l mean here.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

Sounds a bit insecure to me. I've turned girls down because I didn't find them attractive or because I could see them being a problem such as being a psycho. TBH when I was 18 or so I doubt I would have turned anyone down, but I never got the opportunity.

Sex is the holy grail for men, because our lower chakras have more organs 🙂

I like your sense of humour. I really burned myself out having bad sex when I was in my 20s I sort of figured my personality out and shock of all shock women wanted to fuck me ... sometimes. Then I realised no sex is less frustrating than bad sex.

click to expand

Well it's not humor, we really do have 3 large organs in our lower shakras. Women dont. They have extra organs around the 3rd chakra.

I started having sex with different partners in my 20's but then l met the love of my life so l stopped...maybe prematurely. 😢

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

Right! One of the things that make us adults is the ABILITY to resist temptation. Otherwise, you'll have the mind of a child. SMH. It's a sloppy excuse to live a sloppy, irresponsible and selfish life( style ). No thanks!

Men never really turn into adults.

It certainly appears that way. Doesn't it? Sad.

click to expand

Well, there's a dissonance between men and women, you give birth to all humans, we give birth to no humans. So you HAVE to be adults. Men we always kind of feel like kids, a man will tend to want to play or joke around no matter his age. But maybe not all men...idk.

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

Right! One of the things that make us adults is the ABILITY to resist temptation. Otherwise, you'll have the mind of a child. SMH. It's a sloppy excuse to live a sloppy, irresponsible and selfish life( style ). No thanks!

Men never really turn into adults.

It certainly appears that way. Doesn't it? Sad.

Well, there's a dissonance between men and women, you give birth to all humans, we give birth to no humans. So you HAVE to be adults. Men we always kind of feel like kids, a man will tend to want to play or joke around no matter his age. But maybe not all men...idk.

click to expand

Totally true

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

You just want variety? and not all sex is good, so I don't understand just screwing to do it while you have a relationship at home.

Have you ever been in love? Usually when men are deeply in love, they won't cheat.

click to expand

Not true

I've known men deeply love their wives but have a bit on the side....they detach from feelings. It's a biological urge.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

You just want variety? and not all sex is good, so I don't understand just screwing to do it while you have a relationship at home.

Have you ever been in love? Usually when men are deeply in love, they won't cheat.

Not true

I've known men deeply love their wives but have a bit on the side....they detach from feelings. It's a biological urge.

click to expand

I guess it t can happen. That’s why I used the word “usually” I was wondering his own personal perspective on it since he wrote that passage. 😊

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

You just want variety? and not all sex is good, so I don't understand just screwing to do it while you have a relationship at home.

Have you ever been in love? Usually when men are deeply in love, they won't cheat.

No i didnt say it was about variety. We have 3 large organs in the lower chakra area, physicality is very important to us, and has nothing to do with our feelings. But l'll probably be misunderstood again...l never got a woman to understand what l mean here.

click to expand

Only males have it? How is it impossible to get a women to understand? I’m actually interested in what you have to say if you can articulate it into words. I’m very open minded and like learning new things

Posted by LittleStar

Everyone should discuss their own standard of cheating.

For me personally I’ll always be attracted and interested in others. It’s the spending time with and attention and energy toward and physicality that makes it cheating. I would expect my partner to at least have that standard.

Everyone has conscious or unconscious desires. It’s all about what you do with that and how you react that makes you honorable and determines if you treat your partner with respect or not.

People can pretend it just “happens” to them but that’s just weak as fuck and super unattractive.

“Oops my husband was cold to me so I fell on this mans dick after talking to him secretly for months and thinking about him all the time. Teehee!”

Gross.

100%

Its a conscious choice to cheat and it shows a basic lack of respect for the relationship and the other party. And if the respect isn't there, why are we wasting our time being in this?

Posted by LittleStar

Everyone should discuss their own standard of cheating.

For me personally I’ll always be attracted and interested in others. It’s the spending time with and attention and energy toward and physicality that makes it cheating. I would expect my partner to at least have that standard.

Everyone has conscious or unconscious desires. It’s all about what you do with that and how you react that makes you honorable and determines if you treat your partner with respect or not.

People can pretend it just “happens” to them but that’s just weak as fuck and super unattractive.

“Oops my husband was cold to me so I fell on this mans dick after talking to him secretly for months and thinking about him all the time. Teehee!”

Gross.

Lmao! I agree.

Best answer in this thread so far, too.

Even proper non-monogamists have sets of standards, discussions and boundaries to uphold.

Just going around with random rampant fuckery, with no discussion of expectations or consent, and then deploying the victim “woe is me, I just can’t help myself while being a burning trainwreck off the train tracks” makes people reek of proverbial piss.

Posted by LittleStar

Everyone should discuss their own standard of cheating.

For me personally I’ll always be attracted and interested in others. It’s the spending time with and attention and energy toward and physicality that makes it cheating. I would expect my partner to at least have that standard.

Everyone has conscious or unconscious desires. It’s all about what you do with that and how you react that makes you honorable and determines if you treat your partner with respect or not.

People can pretend it just “happens” to them but that’s just weak as fuck and super unattractive.

“Oops my husband was cold to me so I fell on this mans dick after talking to him secretly for months and thinking about him all the time. Teehee!”

Gross.

''Everyone has conscious or unconscious desires. It’s all about what you do with that and how you react that makes you honorable and determines if you treat your partner with respect or not. ''

Great answer! Agree 100%

Posted by vivi4656

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

You just want variety? and not all sex is good, so I don't understand just screwing to do it while you have a relationship at home.

Have you ever been in love? Usually when men are deeply in love, they won't cheat.

Not true

I've known men deeply love their wives but have a bit on the side....they detach from feelings. It's a biological urge.

But, that's not very fair to their wife unless their wife knows about it. Lying does not equate to love (it equates to selfish desire). Our goal as human beings is to grow spiritually. By growing spiritually, we can rid ourselves of our fleshy desire. Through the elimination of fleshy desire, we can learn how to love unconditionally. I've see Christian men who don't even look at women in lust. Through meditation and prayer, they have overcome the need for lustful desires. Through this, they can truly understand how to love their wives in a deep and meaningful way.

click to expand

Yes it's shitty behaviour and unacceptable and those men that don't succumb are the strong ones....i was with those types of men, but there are the weak ones that can't control themselves....who wants them? 🙄😒

Posted by vivi4656

Posted by bricklemark

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by bricklemark

I think guys just cheat because we can't resist sex, we don't know how much we'll be able to have so we just take it anywhere we can get it. It's not related to our feelings for our loved one. Of course we shouln't cheat, it's wrong, and everything, but we take anything we can get, it's too strong for us. Unfortunately.

If women did this type of crap, men would cry on a daily basis. "can't resist sex...so we take it anywhere we can get it"

You must have open relationships, with this way of thinking. I couldn't imagine.

I always get the same reaction from women. But men agree with me.

Then what's the point of having a relationship or a marriage? I get that men need emotional security and love... but, if they can't keep it in their pants, why have a significant other that will be deeply and forever hurt by it? I don't understand why men marry and settle down when they can be with many people in their life time and sleep with as many women as they want. Friends will give you that emotional security you all crave.. but why bring women into it?

click to expand

Personally l became a recluse so as to not have temptation. Men can't handle themselves but they can make an effort to avoid being tempted. 🙂