RamOfPeace
@RamOfPeace
10 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 379 · Posts: 2442 · Topics: 172
Constructive sex discussions
Honestly, I think sex between partners should be a private thing, and not divulged to the general public. I am hyper traditionalist in that aspect and other aspects of life. Because of my beliefs, I find it inappropriate for people just to share what happens with their partner with what is virtual strangers on the internet.
Just me though.
Just me though.
Posted by nikkistarI have nothing against traditional populace of dxp, but that's precisely why I wanted to dedicate a topic to likeminded people of my own similar beliefs/mindset and have luctarive discussions on the matter.
Honestly, I think sex between partners should be a private thing, and not divulged to the general public. I am hyper traditionalist in that aspect and other aspects of life. Because of my beliefs, I find it inappropriate for people just to share what happens with their partner with what is virtual strangers on the internet.
Just me though.
I believe that sex encompasses much more than just a monogamous couple behind the closed doors, and want to converse with people about their own POVs, life style s, and practices.
Posted by RamOfPeaceI totally get you. I actually don't mind people whom have open mindness about it. I have met some "swingers" before and asked them questions. Curiosity, so to speak.Posted by nikkistarI have nothing against traditional populace of dxp, but that's precisely why I wanted to dedicate a topic to likeminded people of my own similar beliefs/mindset and have luctarive discussions on the matter.
Honestly, I think sex between partners should be a private thing, and not divulged to the general public. I am hyper traditionalist in that aspect and other aspects of life. Because of my beliefs, I find it inappropriate for people just to share what happens with their partner with what is virtual strangers on the internet.
Just me though.
I believe that sex encompasses much more than just a monogamous couple behind the closed doors, and want to converse with people about their own POVs, life style s, and practices.
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I have found that I try not to be judgmental of anyone's life style . I just find it inappropriate for ME to talk about it. If you understand what I am saying.
@nikkistar
Yep, I do. And this exactly what I mean by constructive and lucratuve! I appreciate when people can share and learn, without shaming one another for colliding beliefs.
Yep, I do. And this exactly what I mean by constructive and lucratuve! I appreciate when people can share and learn, without shaming one another for colliding beliefs.
Posted by Fun4LifeI wish it did, but as the userbase on here goes, by the 10th post it degrades to mutual excessive trolling and e-peen parade. Which kills the vibe and all interest.
I'm with nikki on this, but by all means, go for it.
Doesn't this type of conversation happen on DXP on a weekly basis as it is? I'm a bit confused.
Posted by Fun4Life90% of the time this type of conversation on dxp tend to not be very constructive, and usually ends up confusing people more than anything.
I'm with nikki on this, but by all means, go for it.
Doesn't this type of conversation happen on DXP on a weekly basis as it is? I'm a bit confused.
Posted by MagicMonaI appreciate he input, but if anything, discussing sacred things does not de-value them in my experience. My SO and myself have often spoken on spiritualitt through sex in detail and it led to greater understanding between us, and even served as bonding glue.Posted by nikkistar100% cosign.
Honestly, I think sex between partners should be a private thing, and not divulged to the general public. I am hyper traditionalist in that aspect and other aspects of life. Because of my beliefs, I find it inappropriate for people just to share what happens with their partner with what is virtual strangers on the internet.
Just me though.
some things are sacred and not for everyone to know. i think talking about sex so explicitly cheapens the experience between you and your loved one. we were talking about sex to get important information, that's another thing.click to expand
We often converse with our friends, single and couples, and seeing how others find different ways to get closer to one another through sex, spirituality, and emotion, is fascinating.
Posted by MagicMonaI think that's the point OP is making?Posted by nikkistar100% cosign.
Honestly, I think sex between partners should be a private thing, and not divulged to the general public. I am hyper traditionalist in that aspect and other aspects of life. Because of my beliefs, I find it inappropriate for people just to share what happens with their partner with what is virtual strangers on the internet.
Just me though.
some things are sacred and not for everyone to know. i think talking about sex so explicitly cheapens the experience between you and your loved one. we were talking about sex to get important information, that's another thing.click to expand
You don't necessarily have to talk about your private arrangements with your partner, but rather share what you know or have experienced, or maybe read somewhere. Not necessarily something that affects you directly.
That being said, I'd like to know more about primal play. If anyone has any links to interesting resources. Fetlife has so much to go through, I can't focus on where to start lmao.
I find it a bit gross when people go into details about their sex lives.....what about their partners...do they know they are discussing them ?
When they talk about how many orgasms they have given their gf's (usually in their dreams lol) etc, it sounds a bit pathetic
When they talk about how many orgasms they have given their gf's (usually in their dreams lol) etc, it sounds a bit pathetic
Posted by Ram416Pretty much, yes.Posted by MagicMonaI think that's the point OP is making?Posted by nikkistar100% cosign.
Honestly, I think sex between partners should be a private thing, and not divulged to the general public. I am hyper traditionalist in that aspect and other aspects of life. Because of my beliefs, I find it inappropriate for people just to share what happens with their partner with what is virtual strangers on the internet.
Just me though.
some things are sacred and not for everyone to know. i think talking about sex so explicitly cheapens the experience between you and your loved one. we were talking about sex to get important information, that's another thing.
You don't necessarily have to talk about your private arrangements with your partner, but rather share what you know or have experienced, or maybe read somewhere. Not necessarily something that affects you directly.click to expand
I'm not asking for anybody to share anything they're not willing to share/or share anything from their closed bedroom doors they're sensitive about.
Posted by Ram416Fetlife manages the subforums pretty well, I kind of ended up subscribing to topics that interest me the most and checking the newcoming threads regularly.
That being said, I'd like to know more about primal play. If anyone has any links to interesting resources. Fetlife has so much to go through, I can't focus on where to start lmao.
Posted by GetMistedPosted by MyStarsShineYou have done that here..
I find it a bit gross when people go into details about their sex lives.....what about their partners...do they know they are discussing them ?
When they talk about how many orgasms they have given their gf's (usually in their dreams lol) etc, it sounds a bit patheticclick to expand
Did I? What did I say? Lol
Well if so, that isn't me now...
Posted by MyStarsShineExperiences differ for individuals. Don't you agree?Posted by GetMistedPosted by MyStarsShineYou have done that here..
I find it a bit gross when people go into details about their sex lives.....what about their partners...do they know they are discussing them ?
When they talk about how many orgasms they have given their gf's (usually in their dreams lol) etc, it sounds a bit pathetic
Did I? What did I say? Lol
Well if so, that isn't me now...
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Posted by MyStarsShineI'd look over to other threads for "how many orgasms X has given Y and who has a bigger dxp dick". Honestly though, my partner(s) know and like discussing sex. Same as myself. It's a whole other matter when you get people in the mindset of "Jesus, Helen, he's short as fuck and I've been struggking with my menopause." Which is again, like 90% of condescending manners I see in most threads on here that discuss sex. That or infidelity. People shouldn't be sex shamed because of someone's unfortunate turnout of events in their private life.
I find it a bit gross when people go into details about their sex lives.....what about their partners...do they know they are discussing them ?
When they talk about how many orgasms they have given their gf's (usually in their dreams lol) etc, it sounds a bit pathetic
Posted by MagicMonaThere are many other online resources where people do just that. It does not indicate that something is "wrong" with us, again that is just your subjective point of view. Not everybody agrees.Posted by RamOfPeacei meant that talking about sex between you and your partner to a bunch of strangers cheapens it. i didnt mean if you and your s/o talk about it together. that's what you are supposed to do and if you cant, something is wrong.Posted by MagicMonaI appreciate he input, but if anything, discussing sacred things does not de-value them in my experience. My SO and myself have often spoken on spiritualitt through sex in detail and it led to greater understanding between us, and even served as bonding glue.Posted by nikkistar100% cosign.
Honestly, I think sex between partners should be a private thing, and not divulged to the general public. I am hyper traditionalist in that aspect and other aspects of life. Because of my beliefs, I find it inappropriate for people just to share what happens with their partner with what is virtual strangers on the internet.
Just me though.
some things are sacred and not for everyone to know. i think talking about sex so explicitly cheapens the experience between you and your loved one. we were talking about sex to get important information, that's another thing.
We often converse with our friends, single and couples, and seeing how others find different ways to get closer to one another through sex, spirituality, and emotion, is fascinating.click to expand
Posted by tizianiThis.
I don't think the OP is talking about explicit talk, but just discussion about sex and sexuality as a subject on its own merit.
Without the flirting talk, the humblebragging, the defensiveness, the idea that everyone has great sex, without the pre-judgments or expectation that sex has to happen in the context of monogamy, or even without the distractions of polyamorous/swinging/BDSM talk that just looks to cynically throw "alternative thought" in people's faces if they happen to enjoy vanilla.
Without the politics, basically, and all the stuff that distracts from actually talking about sex and sexuality itself, in a way that makes people feel comfortable to better understand those topics for themselves.
If anybody had any remaining doubts or questions.
Posted by Feral_doeHow does this play out if you have both partners who are primarily switch for example? As in not solid as either Dom or a Sub?
@Ram416
Pretty much what I've often seen is that dominance play still extends to primal play. If you and your partner already have your agreed upon roles, they're played out in primal play. If you are strictly Dom and your partner strictly sub, that's the way it is here too.
I don't think so. Not always, anyway. There is still the element of dominance and control (hunter and prey) but - to me - these dynamics are handled during the play. As you go. And that can flip flop, change any time you play. And it's really raw and animalistic, and pretry much anything that resorts you to pure animal state.
Talking is overrated for primal play. That's not the place for it lol. No toys, no accessories, no equpiment.
Some go as far as having a certain animal they relate to. They talk about their play partner as their mate.
That's all I can think of for now.
I'm also curious how does primal play cater to the Submissive mind as far as psychological subspace goes.
I've been researching this Aztec goddess deity called Tlazolteotl she is typically known as the goddess of filth but she is also known as purification goddess, she eats disease, specifically sexually transmitted ones. So if you're ever in an awkward situation guys you know who to call......a doctor. And if that fails Tlazolteotl
No matter what people are gonna judge and disagree with your choices. Even though it's a personal thing. That's just part of the human condition.
A safe utopian sex space sounds nice tho.
A safe utopian sex space sounds nice tho.
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11@brandyp
I've been researching this Aztec goddess deity called Tlazolteotl she is typically known as the goddess of filth but she is also known as purification goddess, she eats disease, specifically sexually transmitted ones. So if you're ever in an awkward situation guys you know who to call......a doctor. And if that fails Tlazolteotl
—
I can't believe I was a prostitute for 2 years and I didn't get genital warts!!! Guys do you know how easy it is to get infected by genital warts? I'm way too scared to do the group sex thing anymore I'm such a prude these day genital warts DO NOT GO AWAY PEOPLES! You have them for life aaaand!! Get this!! They're are the most common STD in America!!! What the actual fuck!!! In the gay world all they ever tell you is AIDS this and HIV that when the real lurker is warts!!
Personally I only go into detail about my sex life with my sister and, sometimes, you lovely people on dxp (cause anonymity). I've learned the hard way that if you over share to friends on how great your mans dick game is they may decide to go after said dick.
No joke. People are shady af.
No joke. People are shady af.
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11This made my day lol
I've been researching this Aztec goddess deity called Tlazolteotl she is typically known as the goddess of filth but she is also known as purification goddess, she eats disease, specifically sexually transmitted ones. So if you're ever in an awkward situation guys you know who to call......a doctor. And if that fails Tlazolteotl
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
I can't believe I was a prostitute for 2 years and I didn't get genital warts!!! Guys do you know how easy it is to get infected by genital warts? I'm way too scared to do the group sex thing anymore I'm such a prude these day genital warts DO NOT GO AWAY PEOPLES! You have them for life aaaand!! Get this!! They're are the most common STD in America!!! What the actual fuck!!! In the gay world all they ever tell you is AIDS this and HIV that when the real lurker is warts!!
What was your appeal for being a sex worker? Other than the income
@The_eleventh_sign_11
Also, you do drag, but have male organs and identify as male, right?
One of my good friends participates in local drag shows, but he identifies as a male while living in a female body.
He's been struggling with people accepting his masculinity, as looking at a submissive male in a hot chick's body doesn't quite help the perception.
Also, you do drag, but have male organs and identify as male, right?
One of my good friends participates in local drag shows, but he identifies as a male while living in a female body.
He's been struggling with people accepting his masculinity, as looking at a submissive male in a hot chick's body doesn't quite help the perception.
Posted by brandypYo, please take the drama to pm or the original thread where it started, thx.Posted by LadyNeptuneYou're fucking ridiculous. You want me to have an STD so bad because you are miserable inside. I feel bad for you that you made up this whole story in your little Pisces brain about me that is nowhere near the truthPosted by The_eleventh_sign_11@brandyp
I've been researching this Aztec goddess deity called Tlazolteotl she is typically known as the goddess of filth but she is also known as purification goddess, she eats disease, specifically sexually transmitted ones. So if you're ever in an awkward situation guys you know who to call......a doctor. And if that fails Tlazolteotl
—
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Posted by RamOfPeaceIt's impossible to really have the type of discussion you describe because people here judge too much. Someone can share their opinion and another user may reply, "REALLY? I could never do that. To each his own, but I personally think that's psycho" - for example. Too few honest responses and too many choreographed replies.
So another infamous dxp user and myself were discussing yesterday that dxp is not the place for such discussions per se, due to the main bulge (over 70% ) of (typically new) user popularion we've been seeing (in regards to age/upbringing/religious beliefs/social conditioning/emotional damage/denial/etc).
Based on that, I'd love to hear how many of you would like to have constructive explicit sexual discussions on here. Going from hetero and homo, to pansexual, orgy-worthy, swinger, mono, poly, exhibitionist, voyeur, bdsm/vanilla, rigger, pet/owner, primal, shibari/kinbaku?
Do you have any specific things you've been wanting to discuss? Have you any noteworthy experiences/internet sources to share? I'm looking to create a corner that's relatively bias and shaming safe for users to exploit and learn from.
Posted by LillyPetalI agree. I rarely open threads about sex on this site because it's so awful in that way and others. For example, sometimes people have posted questions that they genuinely wanted/needed an answer to, to learn more about something sexual, and then the vulture members here slam them for not knowing whatever it is.Posted by RamOfPeaceIt's impossible to really have the type of discussion you describe because people here judge too much. Someone can share their opinion and another user may reply, "REALLY? I could never do that. To each his own, but I personally think that's psycho" - for example. Too few honest responses and too many choreographed replies.
So another infamous dxp user and myself were discussing yesterday that dxp is not the place for such discussions per se, due to the main bulge (over 70% ) of (typically new) user popularion we've been seeing (in regards to age/upbringing/religious beliefs/social conditioning/emotional damage/denial/etc).
Based on that, I'd love to hear how many of you would like to have constructive explicit sexual discussions on here. Going from hetero and homo, to pansexual, orgy-worthy, swinger, mono, poly, exhibitionist, voyeur, bdsm/vanilla, rigger, pet/owner, primal, shibari/kinbaku?
Do you have any specific things you've been wanting to discuss? Have you any noteworthy experiences/internet sources to share? I'm looking to create a corner that's relatively bias and shaming safe for users to exploit and learn from.click to expand
Another opportunity for people to exaggerate and embellish so they can impress/brag to complete strangers about their happening sex life?
Oh like "I make my girl cum an average of 30 times during our marathon sex we have daily"
So cringeworthy
PASS
Oh like "I make my girl cum an average of 30 times during our marathon sex we have daily"
So cringeworthy
PASS
Posted by brianafay@donjohn
Another opportunity for people to exaggerate and embellish so they can impress/brag to complete strangers about their happening sex life?
Oh like "I make my girl cum an average of 30 times during our marathon sex we have daily"
So cringeworthy
PASS
lol
Posted by LillyPetalOne can dream :3 I triedPosted by RamOfPeaceIt's impossible to really have the type of discussion you describe because people here judge too much. Someone can share their opinion and another user may reply, "REALLY? I could never do that. To each his own, but I personally think that's psycho" - for example. Too few honest responses and too many choreographed replies.
So another infamous dxp user and myself were discussing yesterday that dxp is not the place for such discussions per se, due to the main bulge (over 70% ) of (typically new) user popularion we've been seeing (in regards to age/upbringing/religious beliefs/social conditioning/emotional damage/denial/etc).
Based on that, I'd love to hear how many of you would like to have constructive explicit sexual discussions on here. Going from hetero and homo, to pansexual, orgy-worthy, swinger, mono, poly, exhibitionist, voyeur, bdsm/vanilla, rigger, pet/owner, primal, shibari/kinbaku?
Do you have any specific things you've been wanting to discuss? Have you any noteworthy experiences/internet sources to share? I'm looking to create a corner that's relatively bias and shaming safe for users to exploit and learn from.click to expand
Posted by brianafayThat's precisely what I'm trying *not* to have in this convo. There are enough threads for it as is
Another opportunity for people to exaggerate and embellish so they can impress/brag to complete strangers about their happening sex life?
Oh like "I make my girl cum an average of 30 times during our marathon sex we have daily"
So cringeworthy
PASS
Posted by RamOfPeacePosted by brianafayThat's precisely what I'm trying *not* to have in this convo. There are enough threads for it as is
Another opportunity for people to exaggerate and embellish so they can impress/brag to complete strangers about their happening sex life?
Oh like "I make my girl cum an average of 30 times during our marathon sex we have daily"
So cringeworthy
PASSclick to expand
I would maybe do an invite only chat or something ? Idk there's no way people can resist though and it is so annoying to read ?
I would be open to it otherwise
Posted by RamOfPeaceThere is a "sexpert" coming to my campus soon. I'm wondering if I should ask questions and what they should be. I plan to attend with my Sea-Goat. It will either be interesting or completely uninteresting, hahaha. "Sexpert"...Posted by LillyPetalOne can dream :3 I triedPosted by RamOfPeaceIt's impossible to really have the type of discussion you describe because people here judge too much. Someone can share their opinion and another user may reply, "REALLY? I could never do that. To each his own, but I personally think that's psycho" - for example. Too few honest responses and too many choreographed replies.
So another infamous dxp user and myself were discussing yesterday that dxp is not the place for such discussions per se, due to the main bulge (over 70% ) of (typically new) user popularion we've been seeing (in regards to age/upbringing/religious beliefs/social conditioning/emotional damage/denial/etc).
Based on that, I'd love to hear how many of you would like to have constructive explicit sexual discussions on here. Going from hetero and homo, to pansexual, orgy-worthy, swinger, mono, poly, exhibitionist, voyeur, bdsm/vanilla, rigger, pet/owner, primal, shibari/kinbaku?
Do you have any specific things you've been wanting to discuss? Have you any noteworthy experiences/internet sources to share? I'm looking to create a corner that's relatively bias and shaming safe for users to exploit and learn from.
click to expand
Posted by LillyPetalEverybody who claims to be a "sexpert" in real life is welcome to joust with the sturdiest of trolls of dxp on the matter lolPosted by RamOfPeaceThere is a "sexpert" coming to my campus soon. I'm wondering if I should ask questions and what they should be. I plan to attend with my Sea-Goat. It will either be interesting or completely uninteresting, hahaha. "Sexpert"...Posted by LillyPetalOne can dream :3 I triedPosted by RamOfPeaceIt's impossible to really have the type of discussion you describe because people here judge too much. Someone can share their opinion and another user may reply, "REALLY? I could never do that. To each his own, but I personally think that's psycho" - for example. Too few honest responses and too many choreographed replies.
So another infamous dxp user and myself were discussing yesterday that dxp is not the place for such discussions per se, due to the main bulge (over 70% ) of (typically new) user popularion we've been seeing (in regards to age/upbringing/religious beliefs/social conditioning/emotional damage/denial/etc).
Based on that, I'd love to hear how many of you would like to have constructive explicit sexual discussions on here. Going from hetero and homo, to pansexual, orgy-worthy, swinger, mono, poly, exhibitionist, voyeur, bdsm/vanilla, rigger, pet/owner, primal, shibari/kinbaku?
Do you have any specific things you've been wanting to discuss? Have you any noteworthy experiences/internet sources to share? I'm looking to create a corner that's relatively bias and shaming safe for users to exploit and learn from.
click to expand
What I find funny is that those that are "bothered" by it still click and open the thread-- to bitch about said thread. Why? Why come in and be a judgy douches.
If you don't like it don't come in, plain and simple. Lol now if it's a thread that spirals into that, I understand, but I have seen people get up in arms In threads that is are clearly labeled as to what it is and start getting nasty...I just don't understand this at all. Stay the hell out of the topic, simple lol
I can be open about somethings and I have even crossed the lines with over sharing in the past but for the most part I keep that stuff private. If others want to have conversations and learn about it, go for it. Heck I still sometimes read the threads even if I don't comment.
If you don't like it don't come in, plain and simple. Lol now if it's a thread that spirals into that, I understand, but I have seen people get up in arms In threads that is are clearly labeled as to what it is and start getting nasty...I just don't understand this at all. Stay the hell out of the topic, simple lol
I can be open about somethings and I have even crossed the lines with over sharing in the past but for the most part I keep that stuff private. If others want to have conversations and learn about it, go for it. Heck I still sometimes read the threads even if I don't comment.
Posted by Feral_doeOne of the few things that bothers me as well about Fetlife. The insistence that play will eventually lead to sex, 100% of the time. Sorry, no.
Just want to add. I've seen on Fet, some people linking primal play to sex. Which bothers me. Because it is just like any aspect of BDSM. There may or may not be sex involved. Arousal, yes. Actually doing the deed, not always. In either scenario, you end up with the scratches and bruises.
There was a user here, about a week ago or so, who was asking about dommes, because he was interested in a particular domme. That thread got so damned annoying I eventually left.
Posted by brianafayI consciously avoid threads like that.
Another opportunity for people to exaggerate and embellish so they can impress/brag to complete strangers about their happening sex life?
Oh like "I make my girl cum an average of 30 times during our marathon sex we have daily"
I really regretted entering that Virgo's thread last week about dommes.
Posted by justagirl
If you don't like it don't come in, plain and simple. Lol now if it's a thread that spirals into that, I understand, but I have seen people get up in arms In threads that is are clearly labeled as to what it is and start getting nasty...I just don't understand this at all. Stay the hell out of the topic, simple lol
It's just too tempting for some people to stay out.
Posted by Ram416I guess. I just thinks it's pointless and futile. No one is going to change anyone else's mind about the topic. Ohh so I'm going to rant and rave for ten pages... For why? Lol attention? Most likely eh...Posted by justagirl
If you don't like it don't come in, plain and simple. Lol now if it's a thread that spirals into that, I understand, but I have seen people get up in arms In threads that is are clearly labeled as to what it is and start getting nasty...I just don't understand this at all. Stay the hell out of the topic, simple lol
It's just too tempting for some people to stay out.
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Posted by tizianiSnobbery exists everywhere though, even here.Posted by Ram416I always hear about Fetlife but I avoided it until now, because I always hear about snobbery there.Posted by Feral_doeOne of the few things that bothers me as well about Fetlife. The insistence that play will eventually lead to sex, 100% of the time. Sorry, no.
Just want to add. I've seen on Fet, some people linking primal play to sex. Which bothers me. Because it is just like any aspect of BDSM. There may or may not be sex involved. Arousal, yes. Actually doing the deed, not always. In either scenario, you end up with the scratches and bruises.
There was a user here, about a week ago or so, who was asking about dommes, because he was interested in a particular domme. That thread got so damned annoying I eventually left.
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Just from my own personal experience in Fetlife, I find that a lot of male doms there are much too into themselves to have a decent discussion with. Or maybe I've been looking in the wrong discussion groups lmao
Posted by Ram416Most "doms" I have encountered, even on Fetlife, are hardly what I define by as proper doms. Being full of oneself is one of the main red flags about it, in fact. Proper doms know their own human limitations and are humble in the light of their role of control and wielding of power. Pricks who are full of themselves often are the ones who cross the line into relationship abuse, and a sub has a full right to revoke all dom's privileges beyond that point.Posted by tizianiSnobbery exists everywhere though, even here.Posted by Ram416I always hear about Fetlife but I avoided it until now, because I always hear about snobbery there.Posted by Feral_doeOne of the few things that bothers me as well about Fetlife. The insistence that play will eventually lead to sex, 100% of the time. Sorry, no.
Just want to add. I've seen on Fet, some people linking primal play to sex. Which bothers me. Because it is just like any aspect of BDSM. There may or may not be sex involved. Arousal, yes. Actually doing the deed, not always. In either scenario, you end up with the scratches and bruises.
There was a user here, about a week ago or so, who was asking about dommes, because he was interested in a particular domme. That thread got so damned annoying I eventually left.
Just from my own personal experience in Fetlife, I find that a lot of male doms there are much too into themselves to have a decent discussion with. Or maybe I've been looking in the wrong discussion groups lmaoclick to expand
I remember finding some guy's blog awhile ago, the list he made collided with my POV on the backbone on what a desirable dom should be like:
What to Look For in a Dom/Master
The skill set required of a dom in a life style D/s relationship is rather different than that for a top in an S&M scene, although there's overlap. The focus of this article is life style doms. (See Relationship Variations article.) Most of these traits are straight out of the best-practices manual for vanilla relationships!
Note: I run the risk of simply summarizing my own style as a dom here. I've tried to look beyond that, and solicited feedback from sub friends.
Honesty and transparency. He answers any question you pose, shares things you should know unprompted, and hides nothing about his life. He's willing to discuss previous relationships in detail, and doesn't blame breakups mostly on the ex-partners.
Has tried kink and craves more. He wants kink for how it makes him feel, not just because you want it. He's not conflicted about it. He enjoys educating himself on the topic, and has kinky friends and/or mentors. (Because it's easier to meet appealing men in ordinary social situations, many sub gals make the mistake of falling for vanilla guys who seem to have dominant attributes. Vanilla boys cannot be converted to doms!)
Vanilla chemistry. You like each other as people, not just as kink providers! He likes you as much as you like him. He doesn't pull you into D/s dynamics until you get familiar with each other. (This can be hard to resist! See D/s Gravity article.)
Compatible life patterns and goals. Some subs, and doms, are more adaptable than others. But in general, chemistry is not enough; you need basic alignment in schedules, habits, needs for solitude & attention/affection & kink/sex, and social patterns (e.g. a social butterfly may not be well-matched to a homebody). Career and family needs and dreams also need to line up, or be adjustable!
Vision and clarity. He has a picture or plan for the future of the relationship. He sees possible paths from the present to that place, and makes the current path clear to his sub. The journey may well alter his vision of the destination, or the route to it.
Emotional sophistication. He's aware of his own feelings and issues, and able to discover and understand yours. He can ask for help when he needs it and lend help when you ask. He's not easily angered or hurt, but will promptly and calmly tell you when he is. He'll call you on your stuff, and allows you to call him on his.
Dedication to self-development. He's constantly working on himself — especially emotional and social skills. He's at peace with who he is, but isn't complacent. He learns from his mistakes. (This trait can fill a lot of gaps if he learns quickly, but it's not a substitute for missing abilities.)
Curiosity and fascination. He's profoundly interested in you, and your dynamics together, and the aspects of himself that you enable him to explore.
Intuition and empathy. He's good at reading you, and eventually predicting your likely responses in key moments. He communicates his insights about you. He has a sense of how you feel, which impacts his own mind-state.
Humility and confidence. He knows his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. He knows his strengths. He takes risks wisely. He doesn't mistake authority for knowledge and understanding. He owns it when he's at fault or has failed.
Sets limits and pushes limits. One point of D/s is redefining both partners' boundaries, emotionally and physically. A dom guides this process, both by setting beneficial restrictions on his partner, and working to dismantle barriers she may have towards him.
Patience and flexibility. He's willing to invest the time and care necessary for a deep relationship. He knows you're not superhuman. He can take "no" for an answer when necessary. He can devise or embrace alternate routes to his objectives.
Appreciation and encouragement. He conveys to you how good he feels with you. He celebrates your talents and accomplishments. He doesn't criticize you unfairly or needlessly. He urges you to pursue your interests, to hone your strengths, to address your weaknesses. (Appreciation can be overdone. A sub should draw greater meaning from acts fulfilling her partner's needs than from praise for performing them.)
Knowledge of the body. He can touch you in an observant way, or a directive one. He learns how to play your body like an instrument. He is aware of his own body. He can sense when either of you needs rest.
Financial stability. He has his own living space. His debt to income ratio is manageable. (Disposable income to spend on fetish gear is nice, but do-it-yourself projects can replicate much of it. Wealth is not essential to happiness, in fact it can get in the way.)
Cares for himself. He's sensible about nutrition, sleep, exercise, grooming, clothes, car, etc.
If you find a gent with all of the above qualities, and he's into you, be willing to bend over backwards and forwards for him daily. He's a rare find!
What's Irrelevant
Looks. How someone feels to you in person — through eyes, voice, energy — is far more important than how statuesque or photogenic he is.
Need for control. Some doms like to supervise a sub closely and often, others do so far less. How dominated a sub feels is not a matter of how often her dom barks orders. Most control freaks don't qualify as doms.
Social and workplace dominance. Romance novels describe heroes who somehow control every situation they encounter. No one does that. Almost all kinky gents are employees of some kind. And anybody is comfortable in certain social situations and less sure of themselves in others.
D/s experience. If a guy hasn't "owned" a sub before, it doesn't mean he's not qualified. Talent and dedication to honing it are more crucial than experience.
What to Look For in a Dom/Master
The skill set required of a dom in a life style D/s relationship is rather different than that for a top in an S&M scene, although there's overlap. The focus of this article is life style doms. (See Relationship Variations article.) Most of these traits are straight out of the best-practices manual for vanilla relationships!
Note: I run the risk of simply summarizing my own style as a dom here. I've tried to look beyond that, and solicited feedback from sub friends.
Honesty and transparency. He answers any question you pose, shares things you should know unprompted, and hides nothing about his life. He's willing to discuss previous relationships in detail, and doesn't blame breakups mostly on the ex-partners.
Has tried kink and craves more. He wants kink for how it makes him feel, not just because you want it. He's not conflicted about it. He enjoys educating himself on the topic, and has kinky friends and/or mentors. (Because it's easier to meet appealing men in ordinary social situations, many sub gals make the mistake of falling for vanilla guys who seem to have dominant attributes. Vanilla boys cannot be converted to doms!)
Vanilla chemistry. You like each other as people, not just as kink providers! He likes you as much as you like him. He doesn't pull you into D/s dynamics until you get familiar with each other. (This can be hard to resist! See D/s Gravity article.)
Compatible life patterns and goals. Some subs, and doms, are more adaptable than others. But in general, chemistry is not enough; you need basic alignment in schedules, habits, needs for solitude & attention/affection & kink/sex, and social patterns (e.g. a social butterfly may not be well-matched to a homebody). Career and family needs and dreams also need to line up, or be adjustable!
Vision and clarity. He has a picture or plan for the future of the relationship. He sees possible paths from the present to that place, and makes the current path clear to his sub. The journey may well alter his vision of the destination, or the route to it.
Emotional sophistication. He's aware of his own feelings and issues, and able to discover and understand yours. He can ask for help when he needs it and lend help when you ask. He's not easily angered or hurt, but will promptly and calmly tell you when he is. He'll call you on your stuff, and allows you to call him on his.
Dedication to self-development. He's constantly working on himself — especially emotional and social skills. He's at peace with who he is, but isn't complacent. He learns from his mistakes. (This trait can fill a lot of gaps if he learns quickly, but it's not a substitute for missing abilities.)
Curiosity and fascination. He's profoundly interested in you, and your dynamics together, and the aspects of himself that you enable him to explore.
Intuition and empathy. He's good at reading you, and eventually predicting your likely responses in key moments. He communicates his insights about you. He has a sense of how you feel, which impacts his own mind-state.
Humility and confidence. He knows his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. He knows his strengths. He takes risks wisely. He doesn't mistake authority for knowledge and understanding. He owns it when he's at fault or has failed.
Sets limits and pushes limits. One point of D/s is redefining both partners' boundaries, emotionally and physically. A dom guides this process, both by setting beneficial restrictions on his partner, and working to dismantle barriers she may have towards him.
Patience and flexibility. He's willing to invest the time and care necessary for a deep relationship. He knows you're not superhuman. He can take "no" for an answer when necessary. He can devise or embrace alternate routes to his objectives.
Appreciation and encouragement. He conveys to you how good he feels with you. He celebrates your talents and accomplishments. He doesn't criticize you unfairly or needlessly. He urges you to pursue your interests, to hone your strengths, to address your weaknesses. (Appreciation can be overdone. A sub should draw greater meaning from acts fulfilling her partner's needs than from praise for performing them.)
Knowledge of the body. He can touch you in an observant way, or a directive one. He learns how to play your body like an instrument. He is aware of his own body. He can sense when either of you needs rest.
Financial stability. He has his own living space. His debt to income ratio is manageable. (Disposable income to spend on fetish gear is nice, but do-it-yourself projects can replicate much of it. Wealth is not essential to happiness, in fact it can get in the way.)
Cares for himself. He's sensible about nutrition, sleep, exercise, grooming, clothes, car, etc.
If you find a gent with all of the above qualities, and he's into you, be willing to bend over backwards and forwards for him daily. He's a rare find!
What's Irrelevant
Looks. How someone feels to you in person — through eyes, voice, energy — is far more important than how statuesque or photogenic he is.
Need for control. Some doms like to supervise a sub closely and often, others do so far less. How dominated a sub feels is not a matter of how often her dom barks orders. Most control freaks don't qualify as doms.
Social and workplace dominance. Romance novels describe heroes who somehow control every situation they encounter. No one does that. Almost all kinky gents are employees of some kind. And anybody is comfortable in certain social situations and less sure of themselves in others.
D/s experience. If a guy hasn't "owned" a sub before, it doesn't mean he's not qualified. Talent and dedication to honing it are more crucial than experience.
By the way, I feel that the above article is dedicated to most women who ever wanted to discover their kinky side and... were unfortunate to watch/read 50 Shades as an introductory course.
I'm more of a private person with stuff like that , I'm sure some of the other users might like to talk about stuff like that
Posted by justagirlIt's because Adam and Steve could not resist the forbidden fruit 😉Posted by Ram416I guess. I just thinks it's pointless and futile. No one is going to change anyone else's mind about the topic. Ohh so I'm going to rant and rave for ten pages... For why? Lol attention? Most likely eh...Posted by justagirl
If you don't like it don't come in, plain and simple. Lol now if it's a thread that spirals into that, I understand, but I have seen people get up in arms In threads that is are clearly labeled as to what it is and start getting nasty...I just don't understand this at all. Stay the hell out of the topic, simple lol
It's just too tempting for some people to stay out.
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Are starting to really piss me off....
It's as if it's starting to become it's own religion...
Don't get me wrong I believe science has brought a lot of factual merit to the table especially since einsteins E=mc2
the formula for truth has brought u
Has anyone here used it?
If so, what are your experiences? And which group of interest are you flocking into?
Stories are welcome.
At some point within this semester, I know I have to go back out there. I'm too rotten now.
Please encourage
Starting a dxp family. I'm the daddy. Who wants to be the mommy, son and daughter lol
I know that I should ask my doctor but she is not in again until Friday.
2 weeks ago I had a physical. It was more like a follow up to all the issues I had in 2015. I feel fine. Not 100% like I was presurgery but not terrible.
They did blood work and
It's because our religions were destroyed and twisted into violent celestial dictatorships. If you look at eastern philosophy/religion, it.s gentle, itls about going-with-the-flow, the Tao is "the way", they philosophise everything, into one giant harmoni
The results of the 2016 Philippine Bar Examinations will be out next week! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!! I WANT TO BECOME A LAWYER! @_@
OK I know I know this sounds very cliché but damn My trainer is so sexy. When I am in pain during a work out I channel it by pretending the pain is him penetrating me. "Swoon" but that could just be my lack of sexual activity kicking in. He also looks li
I'm home sick from work today and decided that we need a random game...
Word Association! Just reply to the previous poster's word with whatever one pops into your head. Easy enough right? :)
K, I'm starting with...
Soft
...is sign of sexual frustration!
Did you know that?
Am I the only one that finds this odd? I'm not talking about an occasional photo, I'm talking about the nonstop selfies.
Example: I had a client and her husband in my office yesterday. They were both later 50's. She took at least 15-20 photos of herself
Which ones are you planning to attend, if any?
I like Russian, Latin and British chav lol
Afrikaans and Newzealand are shrinkers
I met this person around 2 weeks ago. For couple of days everything seemed okay, except we wasn't able to chat whole lot. He used to come online every night for 30 minutes or so, leave some messages and go off. After some time He asked for my kik and we s
Blue ftw
Nobody deserves to cry over a loss to suicide. Not a single tear or regret. People don't just commit suicide.. they've always left signs... nobody just bothered listening or paying attention. Like genuinely listening... not listening to force their opinio
...friend just met a man with bears and mustache. Called me asking laughing her ass off if she can stop her Brazilian waxing?
I am lmao!!!
What do you say?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdOI9__uGJc
1. @Scruffles
2. @Tiziani
3. @justagirl
4. @Damnata
5. @CaramelizedCoffee
6. @sakuraflowers
7. @DepthAndDeath
8. @UnusualVaginalDischarge
9. @FknNerd
10. @LiveAndLove
I will post the rules to
Paranoia's kicking in.
Based on that, I'd love to hear how many of you would like to have constructive explicit sexual discussions on here. Going from hetero and homo, to pansexual, orgy-worthy, swinger, mono, poly, exhibitionist, voyeur, bdsm/vanilla, rigger, pet/owner, primal, shibari/kinbaku?
Do you have any specific things you've been wanting to discuss? Have you any noteworthy experiences/internet sources to share? I'm looking to create a corner that's relatively bias and shaming safe for users to exploit and learn from.