I'm a Stone Cold Bitch

"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to." -- Vera Donovan (Dolores Claiborne)

As you know, I'm dating a Pisces. We mesh well. Conversations go smoothly. We rarely if ever argue. We're both looking positively toward the future. He's totally in to me. So what's the problem?

I'm a stone cold bitch.

Some people get burned in past relationships and become whiny, insecure, vulnerable and desperate. Others vow to never be hurt again and as a result become bitter, cynical naysayers. I am neither.

I recognize that where I am far from perfect, the woman of my past was a hot mess. It wasn't that he was a jerk (some were) or cheat. It wasn't that I was a lesser woman or immature below my years. It wasn't that I didn't give my all or sex my man like a porn star in a Hollywood blockbuster. In most of my failed relationships, the problem was in the nature of love itself...

I was completely and utterly insane.

Love isn't rational. It makes utterly no sense to put another human being's interest before your own. Darwin has taught us that in order survive, you must do what it takes to come out on top...which is why I envy gold diggers but that's another story.

The failure of my past was that I put my heart before my head or vice versa. I didn't love logically and it seemed impossible to logically love...or is it? Is it possible for the heart to mesh with the mind when you're pursing a lifelong bond? Rationally...no.

Who the hell wants to wake up to the same person day in and day out? This lump of flesh inhaling your air 24-7? Farting, shitting, pissing, sweating... You might as well ask me if I wanted to sleep with pigs. AT least that's how I view marriage. Maybe it's a Venus in Aries affliction?

Relationships are work and in my youth, I failed to recognize the value of the work involved. I know now that I will not love this person every waking minute of the day. I know that "I will survive" if they depart. And I know that there's a liar born every minute so where's the fairy and why haven't we all kicked it in its tail?

My Pisces said that he can't read me and it's driving him...insane 🙂

Here is this woman who seems to care so much but reacts to little. He's ready to burst out of his skin in some dreamy love fest and how does I react to his fish speak? I am even, controlled, dedicated, involved and yet, where is the emotion? I'm a cold fish.

Maybe if I had more water placements I'd be able have more than two gears? Right now I'm either "Flat-Line" or "Fiery." One or the other...take your pick. I want to give him what he desires of me. To reassure him that this is a slow build rather than a decline. How do I communicate depth of feeling without actually saying it's so?

you're a bitch and have your filter on source: http://doseofbltch.com/talesofab/im-a-stone-cold-bltch
actual source if you're not a bitch: http://doseofbitch.com/talesofab/im-a-stone-cold-bitch

ok, i need to proof but i dont feel like it and you get the idea.

Do you read a lot of romance?

nope.

should i?

Nah. You probably won't like it.

Since it seems you having trouble expressing up front...

Have you tried leaving notes? :3

this is my note 😉

i dont have trouble expressing myself. HELLO! there's nothing to express. not expressing is not equivalent to devoid of feeling. i have feelings but i don't feel the need to ooze with it. the problem is, i'm very contained. maybe it's an earth sign thing?

ie "Stone Cold"...

"SUCK IT!"

on a side note...a pissed rear?

uhm...no.

*delete her*

no problem. "rear pissing" = diarrhea. it happens...to scorpios. it's all the anal sex.

yep. you pooped and were changed before the stink even registered.

Posted by TasteOfChaos
What happens if you have the runs and you ate corn the nite before?

machine gun trots?

aries peeps are like that tbh. they appreciate shit jokes. it makes them feel like they can be real.

who is she?

anyway, to my topic. i don't have emotions anymore. how do i find them? asking a libra and an aries is sorta redundant but beggars cant be choosers.

Reminds me of that movie, "The Holiday". That lady who couldn't cry until she met that british man...

ok, clearly i didn't communicate correctly.

i didnt see I so shaddup

^typo...

Tubby, WOMAN, just give it up already and tell the man you love him already!

(stone cold, don't think so, you're as soft as butter my dear... accept it!!!)

i'm insulted by her presence alone.

and frankly, i'm not in love. per the usual...why the hell did i come here for insight?

'cause you love, appreciate and respect us! 😉

*GROUP HUG* for Tubby!!!

PERFECT!

The Stone Cold act is a defense mechanism.

but you already knew that. & so does he. 🙂

I'm a Stone Cold bitch




Nonsense.. neither of those, you are —bitching a lot?? but you aren't —bitch?? and I have a permanent —cure?? for your —coldeness—?_

ehehe

lol 🙂

again. no one has hit it yet but that's to be expected. appreciate the effort though.

I feel bad.

for?

Posted by caligula
Here is this woman who seems to care so much but reacts to little. He's ready to burst out of his skin in some dreamy love fest and how does I react to his fish speak? I am even, controlled, dedicated, involved and yet, where is the emotion? I'm a cold fish.

Maybe if I had more water placements I'd be able have more than two gears? Right now I'm either "Flat-Line" or "Fiery." One or the other...take your pick. I want to give him what he desires of me. To reassure him that this is a slow build rather than a decline.

Is this idea of yourself something you aspire to be? Or something you feel guilty about not being?

uhm...given what you quoted, i'm not sure what you mean.

this thread/comment sums it up pretty well...

Posted by Cilogy

I think more than anything, the fear I have with this Taurus is that she will not reciprocate everything I've given her. She's the only person I've opened up to and it feels like it's going nowhere. I feel like she's having dinner with friends, and I'm a waiter pouring water into her glass, then glass starts to overflow but she doesn't notice it, and I just keep pouring hoping that she'll turn her head. I have always done the heavy lifting (texting, calling, emailing, talking about "us", etc.), but I'm not complaining, just slightly worried. Now you said that she will eventually come around, but when will that be? What's the turning point? Do I have to marry her to get her to open up?

it's a taurus thing.

not going first is important. we're second for a reason 😉

it's not about hidden feeling. it would be nice if it were because the solution to that would be simple. this is different though and given he's a water sign, i fear burying him in mounds of earth.

Posted by caligula


i dont have trouble expressing myself. HELLO! there's nothing to express. not expressing is not equivalent to devoid of feeling. i have feelings but i don't feel the need to ooze with it. the problem is, i'm very contained. maybe it's an earth sign thing?

I can identify with this.

^you're venus in aries too right?

sheesh, that placement is some shit.

Dammit woman, LET GO OF THAT CONTROL and love that man with everything in ya! No fear, no boundaries, no bull. *kissing cheek* Now here, I made cookies, and not of tinned tuna.

i let go of what i got. i can't emote stuff that ain't there.

i'm not a snow angels kinda gal. the days where i would talk in a girly baby voice to some dude and muse about what our kids would be named and if our dog would be indoor or outdoor are just not me...never was.

Absolutely not. I'm not suggesting you try to be something you are not. That's never any good, ever. Nor should you change for someone. Take me as I am or bounce. But there has to be give and take. I wouldn't want your Fish to swim away. 😢 And YUCK, I only whip out the baby doll voice for comedic effect.
You have a handle on this situ better than anyone, but I'm speaking to you woman to woman. Sometimes you have to say "Damn the engines, full speed ahead."

To allay his doubt, nip HIS fear in the bud. He shouldn't have any. I'm your woman, you're my man. That is it, that is all. Simple. Direct.

^he knows that.

i could emote more but eh...i don't wanna.

it's not that he doesn't make me feel stuff. i feel stuff on occasion and when i do, i tell him. i feel like expression of emotions should be natural and if i emote to appease, he's either going to see through that or he's going to come to expect certain things from me.

his great expectations + my bleak (12th) house = me being a dick...ens

Mmmm. How about this as a visual? Light a candle, concentrate on the flame and imagine your element and his. Earth, rampant with life, verdant, lush, green. All its dips and valleys. Get that image crystal clear and introduce Water. Pure, clear, sustainer of continuity. Every brook, creek, stream, river and ocean. The rains falling down to drench the thirsty land. Have Earth cradling Water, containing it, and picture the flow from one to the other. The power threading through, the rapids pounding the banks. All of it. Meditation is a beautiful thing. 😉

well the more i tell him what i don't feel, the more he thinks i feel nothing. i'm going to learn how to not speak what's in my head.

and i get what you're saying venus. i guess i just don't know what to think with regard to him. it's like getting to know someone that really does measure up and it's like wait...wait...

I'M NOT READY! let's stay in this space right here until i'm sure you're you and i'm me.

that made no sense but eh...

he's an awesome guy and he makes my tummy hurt.

wait...THERE'S MY GIRLY VOICE 😛

the next thing you know i'm going to be drawing hearts on my notebook and chewing bubble yum

It made perfect sense actually. 🙂 He's lining up, straight on down, your match. And it's frightening. And TOO LATE on the hearts and curlicues. And the gum. 😉

nah, not quite dotting my i's with hearts and spelling my name with his in 5 million different ways.

i think the point is, i lost mojo along the way. maybe i need to walk barefoot a little more and giggle at random until i find it.

Put a bow in your hair. 🙂

nah. i need to go to an extreme.

i think i should wear glitter nail polish, blue eye shadow, some jellies with socks that have that lace trim and hula hoop while playing "down by the bank..."

LMAO

You'll go on TV, SOMEHOW *dramatic hand on forehead*.

By defense mechanism I wasn't meaning it was your way of protecting yourself from getting hurt....it's your way of protecting your ego. You don't like to be vulnerable. You like to be cool and tough.


It's about pride.

TV are you mocking me?

(I will whoop up on that ass)

LMAO "TASTE OF BETRAYAL".