Need serious advice (Page 2)

Now this is getting way too personal and sad


Back to the topic!!!
Thanks for the advice 🙂

Posted by brianafay

Posted by BlackMamba
I'm sorry to be harsh brianfey but fathers are meant to protect and love their daughters. Fear and love can't intermix. Fear kills love. All I read in your statements is fear. That really bothers me. I'm not saying my relationship with my father is all that healthy we've had our own issues, believe me! but if I can't talk to him about anything... Then what's the point of the relationship. That's what dad's are there for.

I agree, and that's a lovely sentiment but that's not my reality. He is not that kind of dad to me.

He didn't leave us. He financially supported us. I do not fear him...he didn't beat me or verbally abuse me....he didn't talk to me at all really. Just pretty much disregarded me my entire life. I can count on one hand the number of times he hugged me, told me he loved me, or really said anything positive about me. Yet I grew up watching him play with and be affectionate with other kids.

It was very damaging - as you said yourself, father-daughter relationships are one of the most important relationships

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So a 1950s "rawr I'm the breadwinner that just provides for my crotchdroppings" mentality?

Blegh. I thought we'd grown beyond that as a society. *hug*

Posted by brianafay
Now this is getting way too personal and sad


Back to the topic!!!
Thanks for the advice 🙂

GET YO TV WOMAN.

Posted by feby
I believe it's a certain feeling like "oh it doesn't matter I can talk myself out of this" kind of cockiness....plus the thrill of daring to do something so rude and get away with it...plus a sense of entitlement here.

Trust me I know lol. It's fucked up too. An aqua will eat your food haha and then offer to buy you new shit if you get upset.

I used to eat only the tops off the crumb donuts. LOL like people would be fucking pissed but I still kept doing it. Even trying to hide it like if I only ate some of the crumbs then maybe they wouldn't notice....geezus come to think of it I'm an asshole 😛

that was YOU— I new it, evil ebil Aqua! 😆

Posted by BlackMamba
Oh man hugz it'll be alright. I'm surprised sags have this much depth. Things one learns on dxp

The evolved, non whorish ones do, yes.

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by brianafay

Posted by BlackMamba
I'm sorry to be harsh brianfey but fathers are meant to protect and love their daughters. Fear and love can't intermix. Fear kills love. All I read in your statements is fear. That really bothers me. I'm not saying my relationship with my father is all that healthy we've had our own issues, believe me! but if I can't talk to him about anything... Then what's the point of the relationship. That's what dad's are there for.

I agree, and that's a lovely sentiment but that's not my reality. He is not that kind of dad to me.

He didn't leave us. He financially supported us. I do not fear him...he didn't beat me or verbally abuse me....he didn't talk to me at all really. Just pretty much disregarded me my entire life. I can count on one hand the number of times he hugged me, told me he loved me, or really said anything positive about me. Yet I grew up watching him play with and be affectionate with other kids.

It was very damaging - as you said yourself, father-daughter relationships are one of the most important relationships

Hmm...sounds alot like my aqua dads and my relationship. Talking about things does not even seem like a remotely reasonable option with a person like this. I think I'd rather die than have that kind of conversation with him. It wouldn't be much of a conversation. It would be me saying, hey we're done remodeling I'm here to get our tv. I'd get the tv and leave. He wouldn't say a word and would act like it wasn't bothering him but he'd be seething inside. He wouldn't "do" anything in retaliation. I'd just be left with a horrible feeling that I'd done something very wrong.

Honestly parents do so much for you that it just feels wrong to ask for something they are using "back". I just couldn't do it. I feel indebted to my parents though so I guess it depends on your mentality. A tv wouldn't mean much to me in exchange for everything a parent sacrifices and does for their kid. Even the emotionally retarded parents of the world.

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I feel the exact same way

We have a lot in common it seems

My mom texted me this morning...she must have felt weird about it all...cause she said "for real kid, when you are ready for the tv just come get it...I only told you because I didnt want you to be as surprised as I was to see it hanging our wall"


I love my mom

Posted by Sugarfoot

Posted by brianafay

Posted by P_Ands
ugh keeping tabs like that?

I actually suggested that...and the fact that my dad has helped so much with the house....

My libra about blew his top lol

Really? I would have thought he thought it was an even trade. He may have thought that at first (which explains the cool rxn) but then, his feeling kicked in. He probably resents the fact that your father won't speak to him yet had the audacity to claim your tv. He's not really mad about the tv.

I would talk to him about whats "really" upsetting him. I'd try to convince him that it's fair given the help your dad has given him in past and currently with the house. If he was still digging his heels in I'd just say fine. Tell him you'll take the money from your parents for the newer tv he wanted anyway.

He'll feel guilty and tell you not to do it. lol.

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Also you just nailed his thought process
He literally said "it's funny this guy can't stand me, and always has so much to say about me, yet he's over there using my TV"

I really don't believe he is meaning to be malicious...he literally just doesn't think about other people at all most of the time.

As someone else said...it was just a means to an end for him...he wanted a bigger TV...and ours was sitting unused in a room in his house for nearly a year collecting dust, so he hung it on the wall and is probably watching it right now.

My mom's text to me sounded like they didn't even expect to keep it and were likely just using it until we came to retrieve it

I should have known he would do that because a couple months ago he was asking me professional advice about what size furniture to get and what size tv would fit....and,he hinted then, like "well what size is that tv in the other room? Would something that size work?"

And he is like a caveman...if it's in his house...it's as good as his :/

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by brianafay
Also in some very sad pathetic way I don't want my dad to feel bad.....as if he has ever given a shit how this or anything else might have made me feel bad.

I expect so much more from your moon.

Why you letting me down?

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I'm so soft when it comes to loved ones!! Are you kidding

There is psyschological damage there that I totally recognize and dont even pretend to deny

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by brianafay
Ok, I told libra I'm really sorry and we can just go steal it back, it's the only real option. But I guess he's already over it because he said "nah it's ok, it is what it is"

Scorp moon tricks

I'll be hearing about this again I'm sure

*eye roll*

Typical Libra passivity.

Yes, he WILL totally bring it up again. When you guys are good and ready for it in the living room, go get it. He can stfu and has nothing to whine about and you've set a precedent that you won't be tolerating your dad's garbage ass behavior.

Your dad has to realize he can't be taking advantage of his kids and taking their shit because he's acting entitled because he splooged and had a kid from it. One thing that drives me absolutely crazy is when parents think they can just do whatever the fuck to their kids possessions because they have a 1950s mindset that they just CAN, because, "parent." That's a really great way to fuck up your relationship with your kid. Have some freaking respect on a basic level, Jesus.

As George Carlin says, respect is earned, not given, in regard to parents. Some people develop a god complex as parents and it's fucked up.

In your situation, you mom just enables his behavior by offering money for the TV, you enable it because you're willing to drop it and are hesitating on doing the correct thing, and the Libra is enabling because... Libra.

Do whatever you please, but shit like this will fester in the long run and create even more friction. If you stand your ground and set a precedent of what you will NOT tolerate, you're creating healthy boundaries that prevent resentment amongst family members because nobody had the balls to tell him no.

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+1 and from one Sag /w a leo moon to another...Go get yo *ish* Had something similar happen with my mom and I love her to death but Rocky is on point, you have to draw a line and do what's right

Posted by GetMisted

Posted by Damnata
It drops.

Nope

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Yes, you hear it clear when the credits start.

But even without that..

Schopenhauer adapted for hollywood. Life is only the soul dreaming.

And yeah, details are important. Lucky me, I'm a virgo.

Posted by beautifulsoul74
+1 and from one Sag /w a leo moon to another...Go get yo *ish* Had something similar happen with my mom and I love her to death but Rocky is on point, you have to draw a line and do what's right

Now that I think about it another example that I can give is my brother and I. My Libra mom went a little off her rocker after my dad died and began to get really weird and push boundaries (aka cling on and expect us to up and take care of her).

Any time she tried with me, I'd get pissy and fly off the handle because it was just so freaking ridiculous. Yeah, total Aries response, but I was also setting boundaries of what I wouldn't tolerate my parent trying to do to me as a young adult. Not against helping her, but the things she began to expect were pushing it.

However, with my brother? I'm not sure if it's because they're so alike or he's in a very similar spot like Bri when it comes to conditioned passive behavior or what, but my mom was always pushing with him because she knew she could with him. The few things she'd try to push him into weren't major issues, but just wtf moments and she never would try with me because she KNEW she couldn't. With my brother, because he was so passive, she'd attempt with him. I'm sure that mother/son bond didn't help any, but yeah.

I created boundaries and he never set his, so he'd have more weird issues with her than I would. I'd often have to step in and set her straight to help him out. "No, he will not buy you a new kitchen because he has a job now. Stop 'accidentally' opening his mail to look at his bank statements." I also blame my Virgo aunt for putting such ideas in her head "oh the kids will take care of you."

Gradually, she got away from that crap, thankfully. Guess it was a moment of insanity during the mourning process. *shrugs*

Ugh my Libra's mom is like that...always wants him to pay her bills, buy her house, etc. Throws shit in his face like how she took care of him and his siblings all by herself and made sure they got to play sports? I mean absurd shit

Thankfully my parents do not do that. They would lose their house before they ever asked me for a dime. They always made sure I had eveything I needed or wanted..And I'm sure many times went without. They are good parents in that regard. That's also a big reason why I feel bad for this situation

Posted by theDomino
BRIANA.

www.azazon.com

Don't fuck up next time.

/thread

Lol

Posted by brianafay
Ugh my Libra's mom is like that...always wants him to pay her bills, buy her house, etc. Throws shit in his face like how she took care of him and his siblings all by herself and made sure they got to play sports? I mean absurd shit

Thankfully my parents do not do that. They would lose their house before they ever asked me for a dime. They always made sure I had eveything I needed or wanted..And I'm sure many times went without. They are good parents in that regard. That's also a big reason why I feel bad for this situation

Yeah, but he still could go about it in a different way. Resorting to stealing from your kids to get nice stuff is still fucked up.

In regard to parents expecting their kids to do that shit, I agree. It's so stupidly absurd. It goes back to a topic somewhere else on DXP where it's basically been said that kids aren't insurance policies. People seem to think that because they popped a kid out that the kid is a personal indentured servant when they grow up. It's fucking twisted.

Your dad sounds exactly the type of dad I'd be when I'm older lol

This situation is so alien to me because at my place everyone uses my stuff and I don't get a say, my mum has used my TV for the past 5 years, I don't use it because I have a laptop but even still I'm happy for her to have it.

If I had a boyfriend and i was in the same situation and he wanted the to back I'd think there was something wrong with him because I wasn't raised like that lol. I'd be like its just a TV let it go..

Material things are just material things aqua aren't materialistic, we don't care about shit we just sit in our corner of our universe and if something comes our way we take it, it's like that book The Secret....he saw a big TV sitting in the garage he wanted it and hooked it up, it's life expectancy has significantly shortened from being in cold damp garage and he has offered you money to buy a new one, you're blowing things way out of proportion you just need to chill out like your dad and stop,along
I've hard for yourself, relax and go with the flow , why would you not take the money?.thats the only problem with this situation I can see

Srsly how can anyone say he stole the damn TV? How is it possible to steal something from your own house?

Posted by brianafay
8 months later...TV is still at my parents because we're still not done with the living room.

If I was your dad I'd probably do the same. You can't be bitching like that if you left the TV 8 fucking months at someone's house like they were a storage company or sthg

if you didn't need the TV for 8 months that means you don't need it at all

Just ask him to pay. Tell him "hey dad, you're being shit pay up"

If you want to be completely fair...calculate the cost of the tv then substract the rent for your bf living there with them. The sum you reach is what you should demand.

If the rent would've been bigger than the cost of the TV, then I think Libra should just drop it.