To Men I Love, About Men Who Scare Me (Page 2)

Men repeatedly do fucked up things to women then get pissed off at us when we try to talk about it. Then call us bitches when we try to protect ourselves with our standoffish behavior.
Why don't you shut the fuck up and stop making everything about you.

Ohhh noooo now I feel guilty.

Oh nooooo now I have to treat bitches like people

Stay in the house if you don't want to get raped or killed. Except domestic violence is an epidemic.

Lmfao. #manlogic

ok i totally get what your saying @Magenta_Azure, like total respect.... but, lol its hard to read that looking at your avi next to it.

Posted by Nemilicious

Posted by Astrobyn
we could wear blankets over our heads and bodies, and only go out escorted by a male family member.

yes, but even in countries where clothing like this is common practice .... veiled, burkas etc. rape, molestings and attacks happen too.

still reading the rest of the comments.

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mmhmm

I'm lucky enough to have only experienced things like catcalls and an obsessed fuckwad. I can't imagine what going through life as a male or female who has felt helpless and been physically harmed or accosted must be like.

I like what that author had to say. Especially " Consider that while you’re just joking around, a woman might actually be doing some quick mental math to see if she’s going to have to hide in a fucking bathroom stall and call someone to come help her, like I did three days ago."
These tasteless jokes may only incite disgust in me, but to others, these jokes may bring about fear or emotional distress.
Awareness is a good first step to resolving these issues.

And what you stupid Pig fail to realize is that when you shout us when we finally mustered up the courage to open our mouth and speak about our experiences, it makes it that much harder for us to have this conversation. Conversations that need to be had between men and women so that our future Generations wont have to experience the psychological traumas we did as children. Some of us having been harrassed since before we were out of middle school.

We deserve to talk about our problems without some pig making patronizing or disrespectful comments making excuses for why abuse against women is somehow okay. And t.

If you're not complaining about the fact that this post was made, you're reinforcing that you think that women over exaggerate things and just need to shut up. Shouting women down in the name of patriarchy so that your brothers can continue to rape us, kill us, bully us, and oppress us; so that you can continue to live in privilege while women live in fear.

That's pretty much almost every man on this thread has done. None of them are admitting that what is happening is wrong without making some sort of excuse for it. If you don't like what's being said here fuck off. Admit that you don't understand what it's like for us and get out of our space.

Bunch of woman hating bullies

Posted by Astrobyn
ok i totally get what your saying @Magenta_Azure, like total respect.... but, lol its hard to read that looking at your avi next to it.

Ffs

Posted by Magenta_Azure

Posted by Astrobyn
ok i totally get what your saying @Magenta_Azure, like total respect.... but, lol its hard to read that looking at your avi next to it.

Ffs

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lol, the contrast amused me. Its the little things that really stick out.

I remember being really happy when my breasts started developing. Up until then I was probably the only 17-year-old with a 12-year-old prepubescent body.

Then one day walking to my part-time work after school, a man on a motorcycle pulled up next to me, rode real slow and asked if I wanted a ride. I was already wary and I politely declined. He then asked me if he could feel my boobs. I started panicking. I just continued walking, looking straight ahead and ignoring him while he followed me all the way to my workplace.

Mind you this was along a rather busy street. I wanted to turn to some of the other motorists and ask for help, but the 17-year-old me was too naive and scared that I might be overreacting. But fuck this man would not stop following me.

10 minutes later (god that 10 minutes felt like an hour!) I was near my workplace and saw some colleagues standing outside. I ran straight to them, shaking and scared. My friend then gave me a ride home after work.

From that day onwards, I never walked alone unless I really have to. I also became very conscious of my body. I learnt really quickly that my growing breasts can also be a curse. That shouldn't have to happen.

Posted by xyIrising
Decent male humans, this is not your fault, but it also does not have nothing to do with you. If a woman is frosty or standoffish or doesn’t laugh at your joke, consider the notion that maybe she is not an uptight, humorless cookiemonster, but rather has had experiences that are outside your realm of understanding, and have adversely colored her perception of the world. Consider that while you’re just joking around, a woman might actually be doing some quick mental math to see if she’s going to have to hide in a treetrunking bathroom stall and call someone to come help her, like I did three days ago.

--

Old society isn't dead

When it comes down to it, the changes can't be done unless actions are made as a collective.

I agree with that wholeheartedly. The only problem is that the group of people that can make the biggest change about this refuse to take responsibility for how their fucked-up actions create a hostile environment for women.

They make excuses and try to downplay what happens to women as though we're some idiots that RANDOMLY make up these stories because want to make men's lives a living hell. When in reality this is what we have to go through just walking down the stree. Just existing as a woman.

Posted by letterbox10
I remember being really happy when my breasts started developing. Up until then I was probably the only 17-year-old with a 12-year-old prepubescent body.

Then one day walking to my part-time work after school, a man on a motorcycle pulled up next to me, rode real slow and asked if I wanted a ride. I was already wary and I politely declined. He then asked me if he could feel my boobs. I started panicking. I just continued walking, looking straight ahead and ignoring him while he followed me all the way to my workplace.

Mind you this was along a rather busy street. I wanted to turn to some of the other motorists and ask for help, but the 17-year-old me was too naive and scared that I might be overreacting. But fuck this man would not stop following me.

10 minutes later (god that 10 minutes felt like an hour!) I was near my workplace and saw some colleagues standing outside. I ran straight to them, shaking and scared. My friend then gave me a ride home after work.

From that day onwards, I never walked alone unless I really have to. I also became very conscious of my body. I learnt really quickly that my growing breasts can also be a curse. That shouldn't have to happen.

curse is right , image boobs sprouting over the summer- went from nothing to c cups between 4th to 5th grade . i have unfortunately been affected first hand with experiences that have influenced how i see men in the world.

I get 100% the place the article writer was coming from. The frosty demeanor, standoffish behavior is a way to protect oneself and men who have not walked in the others shoes would never understand. To me it wasn't so much about the risk of behing overpowered or about the advantages men have over women in regards to size, this is about how past experinces have affected her and for men to realize that many women fear stuff because of what has already happened, so before making the off color remarks or the cat calls etc.. they should stop and fucking think.

And no she isn't a bitch because she's frosty or stuck up because she doesn't want to chat you up... maybe just maybe, she's afraid.

The fact that the behavior is accepted and other men cheer them on is what turns my stomach. It's just feeding the problem.

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by beautifulsoul74
I pretty much agree with the author's assertions. The only issue I have is that the larger context is often not discussed. Men often face the same issues but in different ways. But wrong is wrong.

Like you feel afraid for your physical safety?

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Not me personally but ironically men are often more silent when they're on the opposite end of the treatment that the author describes for the exact reasons that they appear or come across as scary. Imagine a 6'2 300lb guy complaining about the same things. "Oh you pussy" or "man up" and these comments will come from both sexes. My point is the experience can be equally real for both genders given the individual.

Posted by WhiteChocolate
Before everyone starts thinking there's justification for projecting the behavior of some onto the whole of an entire demographic OR stating that it's the job of the whole of a demographic to police and correct the behavior of some in that demographic, you might want to think long and hard about opening that can of worms.

"Policing" behavior and asking for consideration are two totally different things.

Posted by idk
the bouncer thing is unfortunate, i'm sure the job gets dull.
no excuse for inappropriate moments.

i don't have to worry about that much, but that's why i avoid places like that none-the-less. i would think it helps create a sexed-up atmosphere. *shrug*
which isn't always bad. i just don't want to run into anyone i know there.

Um.... I actually think all I read was excuses.

Posted by tiziani
Let's be real, the article isn't asking for consideration.

It's even implying that if you're a man that doesn't do any of that and you feel it doesn't apply to you, then your consideration isn't what she wants. You have to adjust it and change to where she wants it to be for her to consider you a decent human male.

Which is all good in my book.

It's the kind of article you write when you're asking for changes but you don't really want to be responsible for the consequences of what you're asking. Like men going out and slapping around other men.

A silent abuse that never gets talked about

Posted by idk
i hear you.
and i was just about to add that i've never been a bouncer but i've had to run queues, and it does get boring.
It's no excuse for inappropriate moments.

the author should have gone to the manager instead of writing an article.

😐

You don't sound harsh, just dumb.

Posted by WhiteChocolate
It's not my job or my responsibility to address the bad behavior of some men.

Just like it's not the job or responsibility of a woman to address the bad behavior of some women.

Just like it's not the job or responsibility of a Muslim to address the bad behavior of some extremists.

We could go on and on....just insert demographic of your choice.

But at what point should something be said? The slippery slope theory can equally be apllied to not saying anything either and simply is an excuse for not getting involved even if one agrees or sees that something should be done.

Posted by WhiteChocolate
It doesn't matter to me either way. You're free to be rude or standoffish to whomever you want for whatever reason you want. You're also free to deal with consequences of being rude and standoffish however you please.

But I take issue with the assertion that the behavior of other men is somehow my responsibility. I can only control my behavior. It's equivalent to treating all blacks or Mexicans or Asians or whatnot rudely because they've treated you poorly in the past.

One of the reasons feminism can't gain traction amongst men is the idea that while it's wrong to lump people together and criticize people based on race or sexuality, etc., it's perfectly fine to criticize based on genitalia. The man who DOESN'T treat women like crap and views women as equals and simply can't understand the mindset of these other men simply gets tired of hearing how "bad" he is. Eventually he ceases to bother trying. So you're left with the car callers and the misogynists and the rapey manlets.

It's a self fullfilling prophecy.

I get what your saying i do.

But that nice guy, who treated me really great. Who was polite and a gracious, when I thought i was staying in a safe place, he followed me back to my room when i was shit face barely conscious and fucked me. So its not even obvious, who you should and shouldn't be weary of.

but like say 50% of the Muslims you encounter walked around with a bomb strapped to their chest. you might have a cause for racial concern.

Posted by WhiteChocolate

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by WhiteChocolate
It doesn't matter to me either way. You're free to be rude or standoffish to whomever you want for whatever reason you want. You're also free to deal with consequences of being rude and standoffish however you please.

But I take issue with the assertion that the behavior of other men is somehow my responsibility. I can only control my behavior. It's equivalent to treating all blacks or Mexicans or Asians or whatnot rudely because they've treated you poorly in the past.

One of the reasons feminism can't gain traction amongst men is the idea that while it's wrong to lump people together and criticize people based on race or sexuality, etc., it's perfectly fine to criticize based on genitalia. The man who DOESN'T treat women like crap and views women as equals and simply can't understand the mindset of these other men simply gets tired of hearing how "bad" he is. Eventually he ceases to bother trying. So you're left with the car callers and the misogynists and the rapey manlets.

It's a self fullfilling prophecy.

I get what your saying i do.

But that nice guy, who treated me really great. Who was polite and a gracious, when I thought i was staying in a safe place, he followed me back to my room when i was shit face barely conscious and fucked me. So its not even obvious, who you should and shouldn't be weary of.

but like say 50% of the Muslims you encounter walked around with a bomb strapped to their chest. you might have a cause for racial concern.

No one is saying you should NOT be smart and cautious around men. That's not even an issue.

But it's hard to get on board with a cause when you're automatically considered the enemy.

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I get that, and my aim is to no alienate any guy here, but i have noticed more emotionally changed sentiments posted by women here... And I do agree on what that affect has.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
Is it too much to ask to not be a passive aggressive prick because we go into self defense mode? That's all anybody's asking. Be sympathetic to the idea that our perceived rudeness is, to an extent, for our own safety.

This is what I understood from the article. The woman in the article seems to acknowledge that its not the best way to react but she cannot help but react that way because her previous experiences affected her that badly. I cannot understand her pain entirely but as a victim of child abuse I wholly understand how trauma affects our daily reactions to the world around us.

My takeaway here is that while we all have our skeletons to contend with a little support and understanding would certainly help keep them at bay and perhaps shatter some of them entirely.

Posted by Ajna
i remember at my old job...

i asked the time from a fellow employee and she looked at me

blankly (almost lifeless) and just said " I dont know" then just stared as if to say "what next"?

Nothing was "next" I thought and just gave up to look myself for the time. Though she was

physically attractive I always felt her energy as being jaded or hurt from men soon as she was

hired; it was very hard to even speak to her becasuse of this feeling I picked up from her. Come

to find out she was abandoned with her two children and picked up some form of STD from a guy

who lied about being infected. Yes, she has huge challenge but It sucks because this is how you get

rid of guys that mean you no harm and how to keep experiencing those that do. To act like we are just like

all the rest is just non approachable (friendly or romantic intention). I never judged or was upset with

her though. I Just felt sad that I was placed in a category I felt did not belong for just being born this way.

This is the wrong thread.

Why is the bar scene or club scene brought up more than a few times? thats not the issue. this shit happens EVERYWHERE.

@whitechocolate you are correct, the good guys should not be held accountable for the actions of others. I myself am just asking for the guys that are joking around, egging other dudes along, to stop and think what that might be instilling and it can have an effect as well.

I myself do not hate men, i do what i can to not get myself in situations that could lead to dangerous or bad things but that is because of what has happened to me. Has it tainted my interactions with men? yea, it's tainted my interactions with all people, i am a very guarded person but under all that surface bullshit is a happy somewhat normal gal.

i don't need some dude calling me a bitch becuase i am not flattered when they call me " momma or lick their lips at me.. or other such examples" my reaction of being standoffish is in reaction to their actions, tainted by my life experiences.

I do me, they do them, but why am i the bad or rude one because i don't want THAT attention?

Why are good, decent mean bad or rude? imo they aren't until proven otherwise.

"seeing nothing, doing nothing" hasn't worked for years.... it's time to work together not agasint each other.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
@tiziani

Ha. I'm not staying true to the source material. Saw the article as a jumping off point for a larger discussion.

7'1 if you count the fro? 😛

I really appreciated your comments. They were really powerful to me, and said what I feel in the simplest way.

Posted by WhiteChocolate
The problem with "saying something" or "doing something" is the mindset of some of these men.

If they have the audacity to act in such ways in public towards women, they have no problems getting into fights or stabbing/shooting someone. Add in a couple of their friends and all bets are off. I might be 6'2" and 250, but you'll have forgive me if I don't feel like getting in the face of some drunk frat dudebro and his 6 dudebro frat buddies on the street on a Saturday night.

I'd never ask you too. and so not what i want.... I just want to limit my experience with those people as much as possible and i don' see how engaging them like that, has any benefit me in anyway.

well i guess it could make some sort of difference, in some of the examples you brought up. if someones harassing your wife, standing up to them might stop it. But that solution would be the furthest from my mind. It just feels like its my burden to bare, I don't expect anyone to get involved or stand up for me.

Posted by WhiteChocolate

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by WhiteChocolate
The problem with "saying something" or "doing something" is the mindset of some of these men.

If they have the audacity to act in such ways in public towards women, they have no problems getting into fights or stabbing/shooting someone. Add in a couple of their friends and all bets are off. I might be 6'2" and 250, but you'll have forgive me if I don't feel like getting in the face of some drunk frat dudebro and his 6 dudebro frat buddies on the street on a Saturday night.

I'd never ask you too. and so not what i want.... I just want to limit my experience with those people as much as possible and i don' see how engaging them like that, has any benefit me in anyway.

You'd love seeing men fight over you. Don't lie.

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that has never happened... physically and for these reasons.

and i'm a lover not a fighter, it would hurt my heart to see him hurt.

Unless you've been in prison.. what challenges do men have that can be compared?

Posted by idk

Posted by justagirl
Why is the bar scene or club scene brought up more than a few times? thats not the issue. this shit happens EVERYWHERE.

@whitechocolate you are correct, the good guys should not be held accountable for the actions of others. I myself am just asking for the guys that are joking around, egging other dudes along, to stop and think what that might be instilling and it can have an effect as well.

I myself do not hate men, i do what i can to not get myself in situations that could lead to dangerous or bad things but that is because of what has happened to me. Has it tainted my interactions with men? yea, it's tainted my interactions with all people, i am a very guarded person but under all that surface bullshit is a happy somewhat normal gal.

i don't need some dude calling me a bitch becuase i am not flattered when they call me " momma or lick their lips at me.. or other such examples" my reaction of being standoffish is in reaction to their actions, tainted by my life experiences.

I do me, they do them, but why am i the bad or rude one because i don't want THAT attention?

Why are good, decent mean bad or rude? imo they aren't until proven otherwise.

"seeing nothing, doing nothing" hasn't worked for years.... it's time to work together not agasint each other.

alright alright calm down

it seems to me that it happens a lot there. it was a cop out, i apologize

i may not be an attractive woman, but i do face my own challenges and have to deal with situations accordingly.

the problem is looks, if you ask me. people make assumptions about people because of image and appearance. it' seems as simple as that to me.

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I am calm. 🙂

I was just trying to bring to light it happens in many places. My communication style is direct and blunt.
I'm not calling anyone out on DXP but trying to bring up that there are many factors at play.