Anyone who is willing to give advice, please. I really need it.

This is my story with a 26-year-old Pisces. I’m a 29 Cancer. Met him a year ago at a sports centre where he resigned a month after my entrance. I added him on Facebook and we started dating. He told me he had just ended up a relationship and I didn’t want to put him under pressure, but I did it somehow. I was the first who kissed him (he kissed me too) and well. One day he told me he would like to have something (a relationship) with me but it was complicated for him. “Give me some time. That’s all I ask for”, he said. He explained he was supporting his ex-girl because she had a problem in her family. Approximately after a month of being dating he said: “Do you want to have a romantic relationship with me?” I said yes (A month later I knew it was a question, not a proposal.) Something between us was not right. Sometimes I felt he was sad because of his ex, he said he felt good with me, but he still missed her and he was still in contact with her because of her problem. He told me he knew her four years ago and everything was right but then she moved to another place two hours from here but they kept on with their relationship, but one day she broke up with him because of another boy, but four months later she called him asking for pardon. They restarted their relationship and it became toxic because he discovered she lied in some things and he became super jealous. It seems to me they have broken up and gone back together several times. This is a long-distance relationship, but they write each ether all day. The point is that we both made a mess and one day I told him I wanted to leave behind whatever we had because I didn’t want to fall in love with a man who thinks of another girl. But I was not sincere with me, I didn’t know I was already in love. From March to June I spent my time crying, missing him. He didn’t know I was crying, but he knew I loved him, but he told me he wanted to give a try with his ex-girl, he wanted to see what the end of his story was, he says it’s her who always calls him and texts him. I told him lots of times I didn’t want to see him anymore and then I found myself looking for him… And well… At the beginning I thought he was playing and I was just his rebound. But we have shared many things. Since his ex lives in another city he always invites me to spend some time with his friends, I know his family, I have gone to his house to watch movies with his parents… We are not friends with benefits. There are no kisses, no sex, only hugs. There was a time where he didn’t look for me at all and It felt like if he was getting far away (somebody in this forum told me “let him swim back”) and that’s what I did. From August I’ve been more relaxed and realistic. He started contacting me again just as friends (in fact he has never stopped talking to me, but there was a time where I was the one who texted him first and there were many days of not knowing anything the one from the other), but a month ago he told me he had went back with his ex, so now he has a girlfriend again.

I did want to stop seeing him, but I couldn’t. I found myself suffering because I have strong feelings for him, but not seeing him hurts more. It is horrible to have him close and not be able to kiss him, but it’s worst not to know anything about him. So, besides it hurts I decided to keep him in my life. Once I had a Leo boyfriend who loved me so much, that he turned his love into friendship, and he loves me much now as a friend, and I want to be able to do the same with this Pisces. He is a good boy, and he was the first man in my sexual life (yes! At 28 and after two months of having met him. I know it was too soon, but I was ready and I knew he was the one with whom I should experience this.). It’s not easy, but I want to try. I think I can do it through time, little by little, and also having my mind clear: He has a girlfriend, I say to me. If he keeps on trying with her is because he loves her (doesn’t he?) despite not seeing her that much, despite sharing nothing more than text messages, he decided he wanted to try with her, not with me. Masochism? Maybe, but I must say I don’t force anything now. He is the one who texts me (once in a while), who takes the initiative to see me, who invites me, who says compliments, who smells my hair and hugs me. I don’t hug him, but I don’t reject him when he does. I don’t know what he is doing, and I’d like you guys told me what you think about this. I won’t force anything, but honestly I think I need to kill all my hopes to move forward because I wouldn’t like to spend my life waiting for a man who doesn’t love me, but neither would I like to be a consolation prize or a substitute of both the girlfriend who doesn’t live here and his loneliness… I have spent many years alone and I can bear with it, I have no problem, but since I would like to find a partner in the future, I know I must have my heart empty and available so that I can offer it limpid. Any idea of what’s happening? I wouldn’t like us to go separate ways, but as I said before, I won’t force anything. Maybe It’s crystal clear and I’m the fool who doesn’t want to see it.

This is going to sound cold to you, but continuing to have him in your life RIGHT NOW for you, is wrong. And I think you know that. The only reason you would continue to hang around, under the pretense of being his friend, is for selfish reasons of your own. And I have a feeling it is to have some sort of leverage to change his mind.

For now, the healthiest thing you can do, for yourself, is to cut ties with him while still so emotionally attached to him. It isn't good for you, to be around this guy. He was never over his ex, and probably won't be for a very long time. If you continue to try and justify why having him in your life right now, at this moment, you will always be an unwilling player in their story.

Get away from him, to gain control over yourself.

Posted by nikkistar
This is going to sound cold to you, but continuing to have him in your life RIGHT NOW for you, is wrong.

Get away from him, to gain control over yourself.

It does sounds cold, but deep inside I know you're right, and it's better to have the truth. So thank you... I've been trying to cut ties, but I haven't been able to do it. Honestly, I don't know how to do it. I'm afraid i won't keep it neither as a friend if I become distant. I know this is not the time to keep him in my life, but believe me, when you are this side you can't see the light. Lots of times I have wondered if I should change my phone number, delete it from my friends in Facebook... and I don't know. Just rejecting him will damage the affection and trust we have (because we do have it). And I can't ask him just stop contacting me because I have done it before (the first times he didn't do it, the next times, he did it, but I started looking for him again, so it was like contradciting myself.) Now I don't know what to do... What do you think is the better way to overcome this situation? How can I deal with it?

As I said before, I love him. I do love him and I still have my hopes, but I know it's not good for me, and despite it all I wouldn't like to be his consolation prize or his substitute... It feels like I lost control on the situation and It is out of my hands. Any advice you could give is welcome. It's difficult to see clear when you are immerse in a situation like this because as I said before, I think he is a good boy, and he is the one who looks for me, it's not me the one who asks for dates and walks. And when he notices I'm distant, he asks: don't you miss me? you don't want to see me anymore? and I am not capable of telling lies or being rough. I hae always been sincere... 😢 Please, help me, how can I manage this situation now?

Posted by AdrianaCrabTor

Posted by nikkistar
This is going to sound cold to you, but continuing to have him in your life RIGHT NOW for you, is wrong.

Get away from him, to gain control over yourself.

It does sounds cold, but deep inside I know you're right, and it's better to have the truth. So thank you... I've been trying to cut ties, but I haven't been able to do it. Honestly, I don't know how to do it. I'm afraid i won't keep it neither as a friend if I become distant. I know this is not the time to keep him in my life, but believe me, when you are this side you can't see the light. Lots of times I have wondered if I should change my phone number, delete it from my friends in Facebook... and I don't know. Just rejecting him will damage the affection and trust we have (because we do have it). And I can't ask him just stop contacting me because I have done it before (the first times he didn't do it, the next times, he did it, but I started looking for him again, so it was like contradciting myself.) Now I don't know what to do... What do you think is the better way to overcome this situation? How can I deal with it?

As I said before, I love him. I do love him and I still have my hopes, but I know it's not good for me, and despite it all I wouldn't like to be his consolation prize or his substitute... It feels like I lost control on the situation and It is out of my hands. Any advice you could give is welcome. It's difficult to see clear when you are immerse in a situation like this because as I said before, I think he is a good boy, and he is the one who looks for me, it's not me the one who asks for dates and walks. And when he notices I'm distant, he asks: don't you miss me? you don't want to see me anymore? and I am not capable of telling lies or being rough. I hae always been sincere... 😢 Please, help me, how can I manage this situation now?

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You owe nothing to him. You do not owe him loyalty, trust, or anything else. He is not your significant other. He is, right now, just a friend. And even that is very loose.

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Posted by tiziani
You're only really looking at all options from your side.

Are you being...you again?

What does that mean? How can she look at options from other side? She is her!

Urghhh tiz!

Block him and move on. Stop letting him have his cake and eat it too

Wall of text lol I read half of what u wrote & stopped. There's a rule: when a guy just gets out of a relationship, or anyone for that matter, its best to keep your distance.. it usually doesn't work out.. he needs time, most ppl need that time unless you're a relationship hopper lol

Posted by pinkbird03
Block him and move on. Stop letting him have his cake and eat it too

But he is such a good boi! 👀

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by pinkbird03
Block him and move on. Stop letting him have his cake and eat it too

But he is such a good boi! 👀

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You know, this is exactly why I never date guys who’s last ex gf dumped them. They are still attached!!

Now if he dumped his ex and has a restraining order against her, then we’re all set 😂

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by tiziani
You're only really looking at all options from your side.

Are you being...you again?

What does that mean? How can she look at options from other side? She is her!

Urghhh tiz!

Leave it be, it's clear enough.

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I left it. I am speechless. But you had something to say so I was curious. Because I am sure not the only one who wants to know what do you mean!

Posted by pinkbird03

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by pinkbird03
Block him and move on. Stop letting him have his cake and eat it too

But he is such a good boi! 👀

You know, this is exactly why I never date guys who’s last ex gf dumped them. They are still attached!!

Now if he dumped his ex and has a restraining order against her, then we’re all set 😂

click to expand

LMAO! that's the way to go! 👍

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by pinkbird03

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by pinkbird03
Block him and move on. Stop letting him have his cake and eat it too

But he is such a good boi! 👀

You know, this is exactly why I never date guys who’s last ex gf dumped them. They are still attached!!

Now if he dumped his ex and has a restraining order against her, then we’re all set 😂

LMAO! that's the way to go! 👍

click to expand

lol omg.. that’s actually my bf. I got lucky!!

Thank you all for your comments... Now I feel like a stupid, haha. You know? When he told me he had just broken up with her I wanted to go away, and I did it at the beginning, but I don't know why I just ignored my intuition and follow a friend of mine's piece of advice: she told me: go for him! I did it, I damn did it! If I had followed my heart and heard my intuition I could have avoid such a hurt and emotional disorder. I'm sure I can learn a lot from it, but right now I feel really, really bad.

Posted by AdrianaCrabTor
Thank you all for your comments... Now I feel like a stupid, haha. You know? When he told me he had just broken up with her I wanted to go away, and I did it at the beginning, but I don't know why I just ignored my intuition and follow a friend of mine's piece of advice: she told me: go for him! I did it, I damn did it! If I had followed my heart and heard my intuition I could have avoid such a hurt and emotional disorder. I'm sure I can learn a lot from it, but right now I feel really, really bad.

We are human, and fallible. Without making mistakes, we do not grow as humans, and we do not learn.

I would have liked to make this mistake with another guy, not with him. I really regret it all, not because of him, but because I think he is worth to have in one's life. I know in the future I will see it all different, but right now I can't

AdrianaCrabTor reading your post, I felt your pain. Because he was first man with whom you were sexual, I believe you fell really deep in and I'm really sorry for you.

I know exactly the place you are in right now. Dark, dark place, total engulf of mess all over chest and mind, emotions wild, no control... Bonding with pisces can be so intense for crab, it's insane when it goes wrong.

Cut ties, cut off communication after you explain it to him. If he cares, he'll understand and leave you alone. There is no other way. I wish it would be, but connection and emotions are just too strong at this moment, you'll always find something in him to love on and on, pisces are lovable till death if you don't decide otherwise because of your own good. You can't be friends, you suffer and you'll overdrive yourself, break down or even worst, get physically ill over some time.

The ride will be long and hard, you will suffer (tho you do already), take it emotion by emotion, day by day, sometimes second by second, care for yourself, heal (family, friends, hobbies, work etc.). All the love you carry within that huge heart of yours and is directed to him at this moment, give it to yourself. Just find your own way how to deal with torn inside and stick with your decision no matter what you feel. Be tenacious for yourself, you are a crab.

If you can't manage intensity, take some therapy (not kidding, some psychodynamic psychotherapy approaches can dig some real shit out of you, shit you always only felt, but never know what was it).

Posted by Argentum
AdrianaCrabTor reading your post, I felt your pain. Be tenacious for yourself, you are a crab.

Thank you very muh for your advice. The problem is that I told him (in March, I guess) that I didn't want to see him anymore and he kept on looking for me, greeting, asking me for going out, etc... But when he didn't look for me I used to do so. Then From April to September I would tell him like four times that he should stop looking for me, and then I started looking for him. The last time was in September, when I directly asked him if he was again with his ex-girl and he said he was, so I said I wanted to stop seeing him because of what I still feel for him... He only said: are you sure? (because this was not the first time I said so) and I said "YES" This was the first time he totally respected that, but then, after two weeks I sent him a message, then a phone call, then I started seeing him again. I must clarify that he is the one who wants to see me (of course, so do I, but I never ask for "dates", I mean, I never propose them) and now I feel like I can't explain the same anymore (the stuff about not seeing him) because I have said it lots of times and contradicted myself. It's like I don't have the guts to say it once more... I feel like I'm trapped in my own bad full of contradiction decisions. The only "exit" I see is to stop seeing him.... to say NO when he calls... to say "Sorry, I can't" when he asks to see me (Actions speak louder than words, they say)... But I think this will damage the affection between us...

Long time ago I had an Aquarius boyfriend, and when we broke up I cut ties definitely. He was the man I loved the most and now that I don't feel abssolutely anything for him, I would like to keep in touch with him because we used to do humanitarian stuff and he is a great boy, I'm sure we would be good friends, and when I think of the pisces, I wouldn't like to think of him in the future just as a memory as I do now with the Aquarius.

I know this attachment is insane... But for now I see it complicated and I haven't been able to solve it. Despite feeling attraction for me, this Pisces has been respectful. He is not my friend, but he doesn't treat me like his benefits... That's why it seems too confusing for me. On the other side, logic says: "If a man wants to be with you he is with you, there's no other way", and this pisces is not. But he is not with the other girl because she lives in another city and the only thing they do is write messages all day. He can't travel there because of his work.

Sorry for writing too much... You have already told me I should cut ties now, but how do you think I can do it? How can I surmount this situation without hurting myself too much, without putting him totally out of my life? Once a person told me: "If cutting ties mean to lose the good things too, then lose them. It's a shame, but this is life, and the important thing now, your priority, is not to see what you can "save" from your relationship, but to go forward and be ok."

and I know this is true. My mind knows it is healthy, but my heart feels sorrow for losing what he doesn't have.

Just because he's the first dude who dicked you down doesn't mean he's your forever love.