what is this? and how do I get rid of it

First I will say that I am in no way a feminist, or on my high horse about being 'equal' gender wise. I'm not bashing those philosophies either.

My problem is that when I'm dating or with someone I like... I find it very hard to accept things from them. This could be nice actions, the guy wanting to pay for dinner... basically... any typical nice-gentleman like thing that guys like to do for girls they like. It makes me very awkward feeling, and I often times will insist upon paying, or whip out my money before the guy can pay, or just feel plain uncomfortable (perhaps indebted) when a guy does something nice for me.

Do any other women feel this way? Guys run into girls that are this way? I know some guys become offended by this behaviour, or even feel emasculated by my actions (which is not at ALL what I want to do to someone I like).

Can anyone offer any suggestions about how I can go about working on this part of myself?

I feel the same too, I dont like guys to buy me drinks etc because then I feel I owe them something. So generally will pay for myself, but if they get in first then I will make sure I pay for the next. I dont go out to dinner with anyone unless it's looking more serious. That doesn't happen that often but I would allow them to pay if they were insistant and then deal with my own uneasiness.

i wish i dated you cause the gold diggers that come my way wow!

I have a problem. haha... If for a female, they already feel indebted that a guy pay for their dinner.

So how about my guy-guy situation? haha. If we go for a lunch date together, should I just pay cos' I ask him out or should we go dutch?

I guess Gold is not what I'm after...I'm more concerned that I have what they want for their little bit of Gold! And I'm not trading unless I find what I'm looking for.😉

It's doubtful that this happens because you might feel indebted to him ... that is, if you're a Pisces because the Fish doesn't feel indebted to people ... we don't really work that way.

That would suggest that we measure life according to the materialistic.

Are you a Pisces?

A Fish wouldn't feel like they had to return a favour, or had to take a turn, or owed a person some kind of compensation for a nice gesture or gift .... according to any kind of expectation from the other person, and this is what I gather you are meaning. That the reason why you would give to another would be based on an expectation from the other person because they gave something to you.

And this seems way out of the ordinary for a Pisces .... in fact, it would be normal for us NOT to give back, if we felt like the only reason the other person gave us something was because an expectation was in place.

Now, if this was indeed a gift, like paying for dinner because the person truly wanted to bestow this upon us ...... then we would certainly have a desire to compensate, reiterate this gesture because no strings were attached to it.


I think the problem you suffer has nothing to do with a worry about indebtedness (if you're a Pisces) .... it's more likely because the Fish love to take care of their people.

We love to take care of them, give them things ...... you do this because you want to make them feel important enough to you that you want to take care of him.


If you're not a Pisces ...... then maybe it is about money (being bought), like has been insinuated.

Yeah, I am a Pisces.... and I think it's been nailed on the head here.
I want to do the taking care of. And as Ms.P said... this guy is a good guy, and he wants to take care of me.
It causes me quite a good amount of grief.

Indebted is probably the wrong word. I was struggling with my original post to find the right words to describe how I feel. Sorry for any confusion. FEELING what I feel is crystal clear, SAYING what I feel usually gets me into trouble :\
Can never quite find the right words!

Thanks all for the input!

No, if someone does something nice for me, i don't feel indebted, because it's all pretty much reciprocal anyway. Unless of course, you don't know someone well very well from the start. Friendship or feeling close to someone shouldn't be about the mighty dollar or keeping perfect count. It can take the fun out of things or the deeper meaning of being together or sharing someones company. I think it's respectful to appreciate what is given or shared by others, same as when you yourself do thoughtful things or buy for someone else. Just a smile and thankyou, is more than enough. It's really something i don't dwell on, since to me it's more a subtle sense of social etiquette or common sense.

I also think for the most part, many men still want to be the gentleman in the traditional sense, and of course, nothing wrong with that either.

haha, I have to point out... that my problem isn't ALL about money. Something as simple as a guy holding a door open, or having to race me to pick something up for me that I dropped, because god forbid someone do something nice for me!

I feel like I constantly try to compete with the guy (on things that aren't even competition like, I still make it a competition)... and I can't figure out why that is.

I'm become almost offended if I'm not going 50/50 with my partner. I'm not a kept woman and never will I be. I pay my own way and I'm proud of that. I lean on NOBODY. I got into a little spat before on a date because the guy was being WAY over the top. He opened my car door, tried to pay for everything, and just went too far. IT was very nice and I tried to accept his kindness with grace but damned if I wasn't eyeing him suspiciously. I felt so guilty abut suspecting him of foul play though and kinda dropped it. As long as it was 50/50 I gave in a little.
Hmmm.. he turned out to be engaged all the while. He tried too hard.
I'm sure there are well raised men out there that do it out of kindness and I'm a bit harsh on them. I'm sure I've rubbed men the wrong way with being overly independent but I'm proud to stand on my own with out anyone to lean on.

I personally dont mind guys paying for dates. Its accepting gifts too early in the dating stages that bothers me the most. My morals for some reason keep telling me, "don't take advantage of him." So I always end up making an excuse to not get anything even if they offer. However I like it when men open doors, pull my chair out. 🙂 Its so cute. I had a guy that would always open my car door on my DRIVERS SIDE. The first time he did it I was like, "what are you doing?" He said he was opening the door for me. It was weird, but I just got use to it. I don't like to fight some one over being polite, you know?

I'm a pisces .... and I also feel indebted to a guy when he want's to pay for everything! don't know why I'm like that, just am .. not so much with holding doors, ect .... I just don't like the I.O.U. that they think they'll get at the end of a night of paying my way. I went out a few weeks ago with a Libra who became furious with me because I paid our tab at the bar one night. He didnt get violent or anything, he just got real shitty with me, like I demasculinized him or something. He asked how much the tab was and then threw the money down in my car console ....