Re-assessing my marriage (astrological bases included)

I feel like I'm in a cross road.. It is not insecurity but more so wondering if it's only going to get worse or better.

I am wondering if this rs with my so-called husband can work out or not because we seem to misunderstand each other a lot of times, our expectations, and needs to and from each other is different. We also come from different cultural background, his unsettling financial state, my family doesn't see him in a positive light.. like so much for a happy ending, you know.. often times we feel like so it's hard and it's a struggle or tug of war.. things got delayed so much too for us and also it is hard to really speak out how we feel for each other. Now that I am thinking about it makes me wanna cry because it is sad not to be able to speak out and/receive a heartfelt expressions of love.. but tbh I can't really cry, it's hard for me to cry about that and I kind of want to cry about it.. coz i'm kind of wanna feel but can't really feel so much anymore in this rs at this point. I did see he tried to make amends over big deal of a problem and I also did make amends over my bad attitudes that come out sometimes.. but it is not easy at all and our internal struggles are not making us easy to do "repairs".

Is it how ppl normally feel in a marriage after quite long time passed after things happened? Idk if u understand these train of thoughts because I don't think I speak with structure now..

I have this image of a great standard of marriage and i feel like this marriage is not close to that. On the other hand I feel like there are so much work on myself I need to work on in order to find any chance for better relationship but for the most part looking at those hurdles, I wonder if it would be pointless. However, a part of me says it should not be pointless because if I better myself then eventually the benefits will land on my own progress as a human.

Anyways, the chemistry is gone, casual talks are gone, little sweet gestures are gone.. although we still did things that make us feel like we are in this together, such case are we share house chores, taking care of our children, we still do things for each other (but they're little ones and also not with each other), discussions (that perhaps should be an exchange of ideas or thoughts) turns into arguments or forcing one's pov and expect the other to change, that kind of thing.. it has turned bland and soulless to me.. and I think I have turned bland and he had turned to be sceptical about me. Hence, this state of marriage. Perhaps what I am saying that it has turned too mundane when I still hope we still feel butterflies in our stomach for being in each other's presence.

I guess, my question is how to spark the romance aspect to it (and he is so not romantic, and if he does he must've kept it locked so deep down inside of him that I would never find out).

Or is it my moon squares venus that make me feel unsettled? Geez I feel like a red flag because of that.

How can I feel satisfied with this rs?

Am I not grateful for this?

What are your thoughts of this, is it right to feel or think like this or are there any povs I should adopt to ease this feeling which may not be making sense or may be denials?

Married people, what are your experience in your marriage? Is it normal to feel like this after sharing life together with the same person over the years?

Onto astrological aspects. Here are some data:

Capricorn stellium (6 planets) in 1st house: sun, merc, jupiter, saturn, neptune. But ascendant sag with uranus in it.

Venus in 12th

Moon in 7th

Mars in 9th

Chiron rx in 8th

NN in 8th

Vertex 0° in 7th

If any of you can help draw analysis on that astrological data, I'd appreciate it.

Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema. Then you said you have Crab moon, like Sancho.

Then you keep changing your "husbands" placements

Just creepy you keep stealing her pictures to post on here.

Goodness man this too much for me to read and comprehend. I'm not trying to get brain hemorrhage. You said your so call husband. Is he your husband or not? And if he's not romantic then why are you with him?

Posted by FuelAirPropellant
Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema. Then you said you have Crab moon, like Sancho.

Then you keep changing your "husbands" placements

Just creepy you keep stealing her pictures to post on here.

I always found her posts and comments a headache to understand but whaaat. There was an uptick in Indonesian users the other week or something chatting away with each other in their language. Were those all puppets?

Posted by FuelAirPropellant
Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema. Then you said you have Crab moon, like Sancho.

Then you keep changing your "husbands" placements

Just creepy you keep stealing her pictures to post on here.

Omg! This is aneema ffs but i am quite different now from that time and I'm not changing my husband's placement! That is our composite chart (astrodiest, composite mid point), his natal chart is still cap rising, pisces sun, aqua venus, gem moon, leo mars rx. Yes, I did wrongly input his birthdate and i didn't realize it for a long time and I was baffled at my own sloppiness. Then I mentioned if i look at vedic he will be aqua sun, taurus moon, etc..

Yeah I get what you mean by persona changing.. well maybe it's my masks so as to not receive any harsh remarks because im sensitive.. so I'd rather mask my inner stuff in hope other ppl won't see whats going on in the inside, but that really doesn't do me well as I can see here.. also lacking a chance for true connection.. perhaps I put on masks a lot in my marriage, thats why it turns like this.. but if I am more open (but really I did try to open up but it seems ppl dnt really like the real me anyways), I would be more vulnerable and being vulnerable means someone/ppl can really hurt me..

I am so used to mask my feelings ever since my mom kept complaining about my dad upon their problematic marriage, my mum was all about her own stuff completely disregard my feelings, wishes, and desires so perhaps that is what stemmed me into being like this. My dad is basically quite non existent in my life. I never had both of my parents asked me "how are you?" Or "how is school?" "What did you guys do when hanging out (with friends)?"

Perhaps those kind of things make me feel rather emotionally impaired in a way that leads me into having or being quite trouble some in this marriage.. maybe I simply don't quite understand to be fully emotionally available.. but what I mean is, I should be emotionally available when I am in familial rs (to my husband and my children) after all a wife/mother should be the rock not cotton like another user said just recently..

Perhaps for this exact reason, why I couldn't seem to maintain long lasting relationship (longest was with a taurus 4 yrs, and now this marriage 6yrs +)

So to explain myself, I change usernames because I felt like what I had said earlier there were embarassing posts or literally crazy shit I said although now that I think of it, I could just delete my posts (what a dummass).

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by FuelAirPropellant
Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema. Then you said you have Crab moon, like Sancho.

Then you keep changing your "husbands" placements

Just creepy you keep stealing her pictures to post on here.

I always found her posts and comments a headache to understand but whaaat. There was an uptick in Indonesian users the other week or something chatting away with each other in their language. Were those all puppets?

click to expand

Whats uptick?

I think it was the other month and did it say "wkwkwkwk"?

See, maybe the prblem is me giving headaches.. and it is all due to my thinking/feeling overhaul.. perhaps I should just train my brain to keep things simple and not to relate one thing to bazillion other things at the same time..

Like one step at a time instead of multiple steps in different places at one time..

Posted by FuelAirPropellant
Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema.

Oh shit i think i get why you think i said capricorn moon. There was one time I greeted ladyneptune and i said something like this hi, ladyneptune u're pisces sun cap moon, right?

Ohh now i know you dont always read thoroughly.. hmm

Posted by Whynn

Posted by FuelAirPropellant
Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema.

Oh shit i think i get why you think i said capricorn moon. There was one time I greeted ladyneptune and i said something like this hi, ladyneptune u're pisces sun cap moon, right?

Ohh now i know you dont always read thoroughly.. hmm

click to expand

Sure Sancho.

Posted by Jumpin_Jupiter
Goodness man this too much for me to read and comprehend. I'm not trying to get brain hemorrhage. You said your so call husband. Is he your husband or not? And if he's not romantic then why are you with him?

Sorry about that.. yeah my head is messy right now because a thing or two..

I said it like that because he acted more like a house mate instead of a husband. More often than not I sense him more like a companion instead of husband but nowadays more like a house mate, doing his own thing.. and then if there is something about me bothering him, he would correct me, or if he has issues that is not related to me he would started questioning me..

Ok, what is the definition of a husband to you. You are a man, you should know, right? Or at least have better idea..

Posted by FuelAirPropellant

Posted by Whynn

Posted by FuelAirPropellant
Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema.

Oh shit i think i get why you think i said capricorn moon. There was one time I greeted ladyneptune and i said something like this hi, ladyneptune u're pisces sun cap moon, right?

Ohh now i know you dont always read thoroughly.. hmmclick to expand

Sure Sancho.

click to expand

You're teasing me. I know. I can feel it. Sanchooo!! Look at this guy, keep calling yer name. Check whats with him now.

I can’t really tell exactly what your marital problems are. In a marriage you’re meant to spend your entire life with someone so there are bound to be stretches where one outgrows the other for a period of time and waits for the other to catch up or they decide they don’t want to wait.

My biggest advice would be focus on yourself. I don’t know how practical that is for you but make your own money, make your own happiness, do things for yourself.

Posted by PilatesBod
I can’t really tell exactly what your marital problems are. In a marriage you’re meant to spend your entire life with someone so there are bound to be stretches where one outgrows the other for a period of time and waits for the other to catch up or they decide they don’t want to wait.

My biggest advice would be focus on yourself. I don’t know how practical that is for you but make your own money, make your own happiness, do things for yourself.

Thanks for the advice. I will liberate myself to share more now.

There is a problem from my side which are that I tend to be stuck in a rut with my addiction, laziness, daydreaming, and feeling down in the dumps, running away from obligations and he felt frustrated.. he would then said that he wouldnt let me hold him back so he'll bounce with or without me, and because he said that I felt like oh so after all these years and all my sacrifices (because I definitely was not like those descriptions all these times, I just had periodics of doing those things, usually when I felt my efforts were not appreciated enough or bored at how slow things are), you're gonna leave, and blabla arguments happen or maybe another thing he has a problem with my family and blame my family for inviting 'evil disruptions' against our relationship so I should minimize our issues to be let out to them at any cost which made me feel like I have to keep things secret from my family but I talked to them because one this sickening habit of airing out dirty laundry, fuck this needs to be changed (but to my defense, it's not easy to hold everything inside you know.. sometimes talking can help to avoid me going mentally ill)

So if I personally just find my happiness, and do my own thing, I would be able to eliminate those issues, yeah? Because less about the rs, more about myself and what makes me happy so my focus will be shifted to my own well being.

But what if just like 2 days ago, I was all chill and then he started this "discussion" about my family attitude again (he must have been thinking about it again or recalled those memories upon thinking why our rs problematic and found errors there) because he has virgo chiron rx in 9th then I would feel attacked then I feel he was attacking my family too..

Main point of all is that he has this tendency of pointing out my and my family flaws in order for him to cover his own flaws. What I expect is, he acknowledged his flaws, tried to understand where we were coming from and adapt better!

Then I told him that and he challenged me if I could do that if I was in his shoes being with his family in his country and I spoke with the same challenging tone and told him I will! And just had to add it, by saying again I will do differently than yours!

Heated arguments as it ended up.. I guess I am feeling the remnants of that emotional argument.

Posted by Whynn

Posted by Jumpin_Jupiter
Goodness man this too much for me to read and comprehend. I'm not trying to get brain hemorrhage. You said your so call husband. Is he your husband or not? And if he's not romantic then why are you with him?

Sorry about that.. yeah my head is messy right now because a thing or two..

I said it like that because he acted more like a house mate instead of a husband. More often than not I sense him more like a companion instead of husband but nowadays more like a house mate, doing his own thing.. and then if there is something about me bothering him, he would correct me, or if he has issues that is not related to me he would started questioning me..

Ok, what is the definition of a husband to you. You are a man, you should know, right? Or at least have better idea..

click to expand

Damn this kinda sound more on the likes of FWB. This don't sound like it's gonna work out sorry to say. I would take pilatesbod advice and focus on yourself make your own money and happiness. A husband is a man who provides for his partner. He's suppose to be the protector where the wife is suppose to feel protected. No lady want a sissy man and he's there for her through thick and thin no matter what the circumstances.

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by FuelAirPropellant
Idk you said you have Capricorn moon like the real aneema. Then you said you have Crab moon, like Sancho.

Then you keep changing your "husbands" placements

Just creepy you keep stealing her pictures to post on here.

I always found her posts and comments a headache to understand but whaaat. There was an uptick in Indonesian users the other week or something chatting away with each other in their language. Were those all puppets?

click to expand

Na I think it was the leo moon girl who's from that area not sure the country and kittens who might be Indonesian. Then you got Sancho who is neither but is investing a lot of time translating and stealing pictures. Creepy.