@saweetz1988
13 Years1,000+ Posts
Scared of deep intimacy
Depends..
Scared because you have other things to look after and cannot risk being so taken away by too much closeness.
Some people may just take a long time.
Some people cannot do so out of fear of "losing their selves" into others. That comes with heavy price in practical life.
However, if in a long term committed relationship...to completely let go off oneself, a right partner is needed. One where both can handle their own feelings..emotionally ground each other when the two open up and not drain each other out.
There is the worry of being hurt once you have opened yourself to that person.
I've had deep intimacy before in a previous r'ship. He was very insecure though and needed constant reassurance. Then we started using my intimacy against me. Total psycho! Hence why he's an ex! Really weird guy!
Luckily it was 19 years ago when I met him! Never again.
As Rumil said, a right partner is needed.
Oops *HE not We.
Posted by pooface222
There is the worry of being hurt once you have opened yourself to that person.
Co-sign
Meh.
I used to be. Now I definitley seek it.
Posted by RumiL
Depends..Scared because you have other things to look after and cannot risk being so taken away by too much closeness.
Some people may just take a long time.
Some people cannot do so out of fear of "losing their selves" into others. That comes with heavy price in practical life.
However, if in a long term committed relationship...to completely let go off oneself, a right partner is needed. One where both can handle their own feelings..emotionally ground each other when the two open up and not drain each other out.
I like this' thank you
Posted by Foreverloveme
I'm Indirectly scared of deep intimacy, if that makes sense. It's not the intimacy itself, rather the vulnerability of it. I've been hurt in the past and I'm sensitive in general. Sometimes I run from it or sabotage it, other times I initiate it and embrace it. It really just depends on the person and my comfort level.When the other person reassures me after I express my fear of being vulnerable that has helped. Just being there for me helps. Also consistent behavior helps me feel more relaxed and comfortable. Once the initial fear is overcome I'm generally okay unless other events happen in the relationship.
Haven't fully identified the source. Part of it feels like I don't want to open myself up to being hurt. Another part of me wants to maintain control of my emotions. Another part is do I really trust the other person enough. Something else says it's my own high standards that people won't be able to realistically reach leading to inevitable disappointment...etc, etc, etc
That's a great explanation ! Thank you.. are you involved with anyone deeply now? Have u pushed people away in the past and if they did come back and shown consistency , do u find it easier to let yourself go? Would you stop yourself from falling in love with someone on purpose for that reason? Fear of being hurt etc?
Posted by BrownEyesThickThighs
Posted by pooface222
There is the worry of being hurt once you have opened yourself to that person.
Co-signclick to expand
What's if they open up to u first?
Posted by RumiL
Depends..Scared because you have other things to look after and cannot risk being so taken away by too much closeness.
Some people may just take a long time.
Some people cannot do so out of fear of "losing their selves" into others. That comes with heavy price in practical life.
However, if in a long term committed relationship...to completely let go off oneself, a right partner is needed. One where both can handle their own feelings..emotionally ground each other when the two open up and not drain each other out.
Both have to be in a good place mentally...both need to be on the same page communication-wise ("This is too much for me right now, just need a day to myself, I'll contact you tomorrow" as opposed to silence...as you build trust...silence can speak words).
The slower the build-up of the bonds of intimacy the better...whirlwind romances rarely last... ...doesn't mean they can't...just rare)
good lord, to me it's a darn shame that we as humans are finding it harder and harder to form intimacy in whatever form works for the couple involved ... I am not sure it was supposed to go this way - no it may not last forever because I think people change and grow and if we are not able to work together to evolve together then it falls apart - we have to be compatible and communication is key in expressing our boundaries - forming a partnership from friendship is the best for me and then there is the risk that it won't work anyway in the end ... such a long road but I believe it's well worth it - I wouldn't be with anyone anymore while wearing rose-colored glasses - I've done too much of that in my lifetime - I know, it's exhausting but I continue to grow as a person and yes, I was born alone and I will die alone - I just hope to have a meaningful relationship for my last years here on earth ...
Posted by saweetz1988
Posted by BrownEyesThickThighs
Posted by pooface222
There is the worry of being hurt once you have opened yourself to that person.
Co-sign
What's if they open up to u first?click to expand
That doesn't matter to me. If I open up to the person afterwards and they start using my feelings against me later on in the relationship? no. red-flag.
Sometimes deep intimacy is the last test of loyalty. If I share something and you use it against me, have you not just proven beyond a shadow of a doubt what kind of person you are?
I'm only scared if it's with someone I'm on the fence about. That would be terrifying.
Posted by Ellycakes
Damn I wanna go make some grand romantic gesture now!Dating sucks bro. Ain't got no one to shower with attention, personalized adoration and devotion that borders on worship. Lol.
I'm probably gonna sit down and write love letters to all my best friends today now. 😆
*me me me* I want to be showered....
That came out wrong....
Posted by BrownEyesThickThighs
Posted by pooface222
There is the worry of being hurt once you have opened yourself to that person.
Co-signclick to expand
Sorry for being stupid but what do you mean? Don't understand your post •
Posted by pooface222
Posted by BrownEyesThickThighs
Posted by pooface222
There is the worry of being hurt once you have opened yourself to that person.
Co-sign
Sorry for being stupid but what do you mean? Don't understand your post •
click to expand
it doesn't matter whether my partner opens up to me first. If they take advantage of my weaknesses I'm out.
Okay. .Thanks for explaining ☺
Posted by pooface222
Okay. .Thanks for explaining ☺
No problem hun.
This is such a cool topic... replies are so interesting.
Meh? Welp, I'm still figuring out what exactly intimacy is, or what it means exactly 😕
Posted by Explicit
I'm so afraid of deep intimacy that I've never 100% opened myself up to anyone before.I think it's a Sun in the 8th House thing. But I'm not sure.
No my sun is in 8th house too.. and when it comes to that I crave deep intimacy too. Anything superficial gets bored real quick even if my moon is in Aquarius.
to be deep intimacy means opening yourself up deeply to someone.. whether that will be close friends, family members or ur loved ones. it's showing your deepest imperfect and they are still around.. It's knowing that you have failed at something but you know If you tell that person they won't judge you and love you n be there for you anyway. It's the connection that doesn't fade no matter what obstacles you go through. It's knowing that whatever decision in life u choose they will still support you.. not for their sake but for you.. it's when you speak the same language and it's those u don't have to communicate much but can still connect deeply.. it's when you see their imperfections as perfection.. It's being able to support them, love them but not afraid to set boundaries when they cross the line.. it's compromising.. it's about sharing your deepest secrets and you know that they will still love n wanna be part of ur life the same... Some people accept these things wholely like myself some people run from it... they believe they better of alone so no one can hurt them.. yet crave it at the same time... only a few people who I have shared deep intimacy with.. and once it's formed it's friendship or lover for life.. those that judge ur imperfections I put them in my not worth it list as I would be there and give my all to them if only they were capable of the same.. lost a few best friends over time as I can see they are not going to be there through my thick and thin.. just shallow.. It's sad really but it's life..
If you're with the right partner, you won't be scared of intimacy. If you're with the wrong partner, intimacy will scare you.
Fear of intimacy is one of those lies we tell ourselves.
I know people who were always scared of intimacy, but found the right partner and guess what, they're not longer scared .
but I do agree with loosing urself from forming such deep intimacy. u almost need to detach to find urself again. It's quiet powerful
Posted by badgalbee
Posted by Gennie
Sometimes deep intimacy is the last test of loyalty. If I share something and you use it against me, have you not just proven beyond a shadow of a doubt what kind of person you are?Who doesnt do that?
Please. Move on.
click to expand
Who doesn't? I don't. It's a low class person who can only win an argument by emotionally devastating their opponent, a person they claim to love.
Yes-because im scared to lose it!
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Anyone ? if it happens to you, what do you ? Did you run from
Certain someone? why are you scared ? What can they do so you are not scared ? thank u just curious