Another view on cheating

I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

You are quick to judge and it's also a characteristic that is not very appealing if you think about it.

If I was a home wrecker I would be happy right now having what I want more than life itself!

I am trying to deliver a message that saying if everyone being honest to themselves on why you had been cheated on - you might going to have an eye opener moment!!!

But everyone playing a victim without being honest to themselves.

It takes 2 to tango and 4 to cheat!

So other 2 is as guilty (excluding serial cheaters just because they like an excitement of the moment) as first 2 because they are playing part as well by being neglectful to their spouses.

Your attitude is 'I am perfect partner and my partner have to be happy to have me but they cheated'...which is a bullshit!

Also no one sure if the other 2 are really are faithful. They could be doing crap but keeping quiet. When I am the one who is trying to understand and fix things.

But I have no understanding from my partner. Carry on with your butter!

Like it is changing anything.

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'-gemitati

no...you have never heard the person that has been cheated on say this b/c if their partner is not happy ultimately its up to wife/husband to step up as an adult and explain that they aren't happy ...not to tiptoe around cheat and drop hints...only the cheater is WRONG person in the scenario ...blame can't be shifted and nothing can be said to justified your actions ...

Posted by Cancan26
I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'-gemitati

no...you have never heard the person that has been cheated on say this b/c if their partner is not happy ultimately its up to wife/husband to step up as an adult and explain that they aren't happy ...not to tiptoe around cheat and drop hints...only the cheater is WRONG person in the scenario ...blame can't be shifted and nothing can be said to justified your actions ...

I am not looking for justification of my actions!

I don't care!!! I am my own judge and advocate!

I just want one person to say 'I brought this up upon myself by my own actions'

Never seen it!

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Cancan26
I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'-gemitati

no...you have never heard the person that has been cheated on say this b/c if their partner is not happy ultimately its up to wife/husband to step up as an adult and explain that they aren't happy ...not to tiptoe around cheat and drop hints...only the cheater is WRONG person in the scenario ...blame can't be shifted and nothing can be said to justified your actions ...

I am not looking for justification of my actions!

I don't care!!! I am my own judge and advocate!

I just want one person to say 'I brought this up upon myself by my own actions'

Never seen it!

click to expand

kay first off my comment was not to your situation ...so yea...lol ....but my point was you won't see someone say that they brought this upon themselves when they are cheated on CAUSE THEY DIDN'T ...no one can control the action of another human being ... no one ...just cause you,me or anyone else is unhappy doesn't give them the RIGHT TO GO OUT AND CHEAT ON SOMEONE

Actually it's very common for ppl to cheat and say they were madly in love with their spouses and had sex regularly with them. Cheating is about the cheater, just as an FYI, it often stems from insecurity. So, let's not blame the person that was loyal to their partner for their partners weakness. Because no matter what the spouse did, they don't deserve to be cheated on - leave the marriage if you are that unhappy.

Posted by Gemitati
You are quick to judge and it's also a characteristic that is not very appealing if you think about it.

If I was a home wrecker I would be happy right now having what I want more than life itself!

I am trying to deliver a message that saying if everyone being honest to themselves on why you had been cheated on - you might going to have an eye opener moment!!!

But everyone playing a victim without being honest to themselves.

It takes 2 to tango and 4 to cheat!

So other 2 is as guilty (excluding serial cheaters just because they like an excitement of the moment) as first 2 because they are playing part as well by being neglectful to their spouses.

Your attitude is 'I am perfect partner and my partner have to be happy to have me but they cheated'...which is a bullshit!

Also no one sure if the other 2 are really are faithful. They could be doing crap but keeping quiet. When I am the one who is trying to understand and fix things.

But I have no understanding from my partner. Carry on with your butter!

Like it is changing anything.

----

There's no "homewrecker" because the blame is on the person who has a commited relationship (is not good not respecting a relationship, you could wait). That been said, no one provokes sb to cheat him/her.

Is kinda manipulative to lie and cheat and blame your partner, is you who cheat, if the other person doesn't give you what you need, you talk about it, and, ultimately leave the relationship.

What I'm trying to say is that no one is perfect, we all take bad decisions but you are guilty only for your mistakes, not for the mistakes of others, and been cheated is the other's mistake.

Posted by Cancan26

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Cancan26
I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'-gemitati

no...you have never heard the person that has been cheated on say this b/c if their partner is not happy ultimately its up to wife/husband to step up as an adult and explain that they aren't happy ...not to tiptoe around cheat and drop hints...only the cheater is WRONG person in the scenario ...blame can't be shifted and nothing can be said to justified your actions ...

I am not looking for justification of my actions!

I don't care!!! I am my own judge and advocate!

I just want one person to say 'I brought this up upon myself by my own actions'

Never seen it!

kay first off my comment was not to your situation ...so yea...lol ....but my point was you won't see someone say that they brought this upon themselves when they are cheated on CAUSE THEY DIDN'T ...no one can control the action of another human being ... no one ...just cause you,me or anyone else is unhappy doesn't give them the RIGHT TO GO OUT AND CHEAT ON SOMEONE

click to expand

In ideal world!

Which we aren't in.

Surprised?

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Actually it's very common for ppl to cheat and say they were madly in love with their spouses and had sex regularly with them. Cheating is about the cheater, just as an FYI, it often stems from insecurity. So, let's not blame the person that was loyal to their partner for their partners weakness. Because no matter what the spouse did, they don't deserve to be cheated on - leave the marriage if you are that unhappy.

Never heard a cheater says they are madly in love with spouses and having great sex life!

It's a bullshit out of your ass!!!

Posted by PeanutButterandElly
You mad your boyfriend has to spend time with his wife for Christmas?

Bummer.

Lol actually not because we don't do Christmas!

And he is calling me with updates on his celebration which kind of annoys me but makes me happy at the same time!

Lol

That was a good one! I knew someone will come up with it! 🙂

Posted by Explicit
The thing I don't get about cheating is like why? If you're so unhappy then why not just leave the relationship before or even after the cheating first occurs?

You are my child's age so this is why you would be hard to understand.

Stay with someone for as long as 20 plus years. Build home. Raise kids. Work your ass off...to wake up one day and realize you are a frigging robot!!!

Because someone just looked at you like if you were Marylin Monroe!!! And you almost fainted...and life got its colors back!

Hope your life will turn totally different.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Actually it's very common for ppl to cheat and say they were madly in love with their spouses and had sex regularly with them. Cheating is about the cheater, just as an FYI, it often stems from insecurity. So, let's not blame the person that was loyal to their partner for their partners weakness. Because no matter what the spouse did, they don't deserve to be cheated on - leave the marriage if you are that unhappy.

Never heard a cheater says they are madly in love with spouses and having great sex life!

It's a bullshit out of your ass!!!

click to expand

If that's what helps you sleep at night, then you've got to believe what you've got to believe but there's a reason they don't leave their spouses and it has nothing to do with money or kids, it's because they love them and yes, they are nearly ALWAYS, still having sex with them, even if he tells you he's not, he still is.

And honestly pick up a book on adultery and the psychology of it, it will tell you that in chapter 1, geez SMH.

Posted by Explicit
The thing I don't get about cheating is like why? If you're so unhappy then why not just leave the relationship before or even after the cheating first occurs?

Yeah I forgot one moment.

For people our age and family history you don't just take your dirty laundry and go home leaving a note sorry I don't love you anymore!

It's about huge amount of relatives who will be talking, co-workers, real-estate sale, real estate buying, lawyers fees and whole ton of bullcrap!

We have to be sure it's the way to go and we are trying to take one day at the time by talking and figuring things out.

It's not your 22 y/old just after you have rights to drink desicions!

My child's friends parents are almost all divorced and we are rare couple who is not. Yet anyway!

But every spouse who left was a man!

Not one mother.

It's like more tragic when woman does.

And it's not what I am ready to do YET!

Again I repeat its not just picking up your electronic toys and underwear and walk out the door with feelings free and ready to start anew!

Posted by PeanutButterandElly
You must be truly lonely and think terribly about yourself to hold on so desperately to a situation in which a man is so obviously using you for his own ego. Hell your husband might even qualify for that too for all I know.

Your obsession with your these two dead marriages and the abusive emotionally dependent affair you maintain will only hurt you the more you hold on.

There is no rationale that makes the situation more morally digestible, despite you trying to force it. Y'all are all probably pretty equally shitty if that's any comfort to you. But you certainly are no victim.

I know everything I need to know but thanks for your time writing all this stuff.

I am looking for one 'victim' to come out and say I am guilty of my partner cheated on me!

I didn't think anyone would! You all are victims.

Posted by TaurusinTexas

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Actually it's very common for ppl to cheat and say they were madly in love with their spouses and had sex regularly with them. Cheating is about the cheater, just as an FYI, it often stems from insecurity. So, let's not blame the person that was loyal to their partner for their partners weakness. Because no matter what the spouse did, they don't deserve to be cheated on - leave the marriage if you are that unhappy.

Never heard a cheater says they are madly in love with spouses and having great sex life!

It's a bullshit out of your ass!!!

If that's what helps you sleep at night, then you've got to believe what you've got to believe but there's a reason they don't leave their spouses and it has nothing to do with money or kids, it's because they love them and yes, they are nearly ALWAYS, still having sex with them, even if he tells you he's not, he still is.

And honestly pick up a book on adultery and the psychology of it, it will tell you that in chapter 1, geez SMH.

click to expand

Trust me he tells me if he had sexy with his wife! Lol surprised?

It's just because we hardly see each other but talking daily.

I don't need psychology book. I am glad you read it!

People cheat for 2 reasons.

1. They entered into a relationship with someone knowing that person couldn't satisfy their sexual desires and they settled

2. Upon entering that same relationship the other party really didn't like satisfying their partners sexual desire (blowjobs or anal) and the cheater steps out to get that desire met

That's my thoughts on it

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by TaurusinTexas

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Actually it's very common for ppl to cheat and say they were madly in love with their spouses and had sex regularly with them. Cheating is about the cheater, just as an FYI, it often stems from insecurity. So, let's not blame the person that was loyal to their partner for their partners weakness. Because no matter what the spouse did, they don't deserve to be cheated on - leave the marriage if you are that unhappy.

Never heard a cheater says they are madly in love with spouses and having great sex life!

It's a bullshit out of your ass!!!

If that's what helps you sleep at night, then you've got to believe what you've got to believe but there's a reason they don't leave their spouses and it has nothing to do with money or kids, it's because they love them and yes, they are nearly ALWAYS, still having sex with them, even if he tells you he's not, he still is.

And honestly pick up a book on adultery and the psychology of it, it will tell you that in chapter 1, geez SMH.

Trust me he tells me if he had sexy with his wife! Lol surprised?

It's just because we hardly see each other but talking daily.

I don't need psychology book. I am glad you read it!

click to expand

Actually it doesn't surprise me at all, that he would tell you that - he wants to make sure you know your place and he wants to make certain his wife stays clueless because he has no intention of ever leaving her, he needs her.

??‍♂️?

Posted by starwars
I hope you make the right decision get over with this shit and find peace within yourself.

Good one! lol

Posted by Ssuperman
People cheat for 2 reasons.

1. They entered into a relationship with someone knowing that person couldn't satisfy their sexual desires and they settled

2. Upon entering that same relationship the other party really didn't like satisfying their partners sexual desire (blowjobs or anal) and the cheater steps out to get that desire met

That's my thoughts on it

1. That is almost right on money but not 100% due to cultural differences.

2. Also true by much.

But you forgot

3. Suddenly saw your soul mate and been friends for years before hell froze over and feelings got out of control!!!

But it had only happened because our loved once got too cozy with us taking care of their needs and forgot their JOBs to be a spouses!!!

So we found all we don't have at home.

However we came to a conclusion that our lives aren't bad - it is just not what we want it to be.

But it's not like we have to destroy the worlds!

So if our other halts were told (I did my part) - they would be dumbfound like ME?

Didn't do what? Was I supposed to—

Marry smart people!!! Lol

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Ssuperman
People cheat for 2 reasons.

1. They entered into a relationship with someone knowing that person couldn't satisfy their sexual desires and they settled

2. Upon entering that same relationship the other party really didn't like satisfying their partners sexual desire (blowjobs or anal) and the cheater steps out to get that desire met

That's my thoughts on it

1. That is almost right on money but not 100% due to cultural differences.

2. Also true by much.

But you forgot

3. Suddenly saw your soul mate and been friends for years before hell froze over and feelings got out of control!!!

But it had only happened because our loved once got too cozy with us taking care of their needs and forgot their JOBs to be a spouses!!!

So we found all we don't have at home.

However we came to a conclusion that our lives aren't bad - it is just not what we want it to be.

But it's not like we have to destroy the worlds!

So if our other halts were told (I did my part) - they would be dumbfound like ME?

Didn't do what? Was I supposed to—

Marry smart people!!! Lol

click to expand

Whatever

Posted by Ssuperman

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Ssuperman
People cheat for 2 reasons.

1. They entered into a relationship with someone knowing that person couldn't satisfy their sexual desires and they settled

2. Upon entering that same relationship the other party really didn't like satisfying their partners sexual desire (blowjobs or anal) and the cheater steps out to get that desire met

That's my thoughts on it

1. That is almost right on money but not 100% due to cultural differences.

2. Also true by much.

But you forgot

3. Suddenly saw your soul mate and been friends for years before hell froze over and feelings got out of control!!!

But it had only happened because our loved once got too cozy with us taking care of their needs and forgot their JOBs to be a spouses!!!

So we found all we don't have at home.

However we came to a conclusion that our lives aren't bad - it is just not what we want it to be.

But it's not like we have to destroy the worlds!

So if our other halts were told (I did my part) - they would be dumbfound like ME?

Didn't do what? Was I supposed to—

Marry smart people!!! Lol

Whatever

click to expand

Lol

cheating 101 for you

the person that cheated is the one with issues.

Posted by Taurasian
cheating 101 for you

the person that cheated is the one with issues.

No arguments here.

If there weren't issues there wouldn't be cheating! So you states obvious!

Posted by Taurasian
cheating 101 for you

the person that cheated is the one with issues.

see this song? and listen to the lyrics...



genius.



she keeps cheating on her man to find out if he loves her, but she does it all the time and it's HER, she is the one with the issues, even warning him that she is NO good...

and she knew deep down she cheated on herself.

but the guy who keeps her despite her constant cheating is crazy. there's something wrong with him too if he keeps staying.



he becomes emotionally unavailable in the end and they both go COLD.

Posted by Explicit

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Explicit
The thing I don't get about cheating is like why? If you're so unhappy then why not just leave the relationship before or even after the cheating first occurs?

Yeah I forgot one moment.

For people our age and family history you don't just take your dirty laundry and go home leaving a note sorry I don't love you anymore!

It's about huge amount of relatives who will be talking, co-workers, real-estate sale, real estate buying, lawyers fees and whole ton of bullcrap!

We have to be sure it's the way to go and we are trying to take one day at the time by talking and figuring things out.

It's not your 22 y/old just after you have rights to drink desicions!

My child's friends parents are almost all divorced and we are rare couple who is not. Yet anyway!

But every spouse who left was a man!

Not one mother.

It's like more tragic when woman does.

And it's not what I am ready to do YET!

Again I repeat its not just picking up your electronic toys and underwear and walk out the door with feelings free and ready to start anew!

How long has this affair been going on? Are you sure this man is not just toying with you and keeping you as a side-dish while he goes home to his wife and gets the best of both worlds? Or is this just a sexual thing for you and you really don't care? Beware, men can be so deceiving.

click to expand

8 years!!!

Yes he is just having fun with my 50 y/old ass!!! When he can have 25!!! Trust me he can! I am sorry no picture will be posted!

Lol

He was waiting for 5 years to come out!

We are best friends!

He makes me happy! He is a great man with unconditional love for his family!

I coached him how to get his wife back!

I was ready to lose him just to see him happy! He said no.

We trust each other and taking time.

Deceiving? I would feel it.

I am ok just afraid to die from heart failure.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Taurasian
cheating 101 for you

the person that cheated is the one with issues.

see this song? and listen to the lyrics...



genius.



she keeps cheating on her man to find out if he loves her, but she does it all the time and it's HER, she is the one with the issues, even warning him that she is NO good...

and she knew deep down she cheated on herself.

but the guy who keeps her despite her constant cheating is crazy. there's something wrong with him too if he keeps staying.



he becomes emotionally unavailable in the end and they both go COLD.

click to expand

I am too old for this shot but thanks.

Was it supposed to cure me?

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Taurasian
cheating 101 for you

the person that cheated is the one with issues.

see this song? and listen to the lyrics...



genius.



she keeps cheating on her man to find out if he loves her, but she does it all the time and it's HER, she is the one with the issues, even warning him that she is NO good...

and she knew deep down she cheated on herself.

but the guy who keeps her despite her constant cheating is crazy. there's something wrong with him too if he keeps staying.



he becomes emotionally unavailable in the end and they both go COLD.

I am too old for this shot but thanks.

Was it supposed to cure me?

click to expand

?? huh no it was reference to what was said in this topic.

and the quote I quoted.

Posted by Gemitati
Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

Code green: You don't like things, change them. Code yellow: Put ultimatum(s) and if that doesn't help, Code red: Things can't be changed. Use the door.

There are always reasons to why people do what they do, but fact of the matter is, you have full control over your actions. There is nothing you can say that will shift that control over to the other person bc as stated above, you can always leave before cheating.

Cheating is not even a last resort, it's basically just an indicator of unevolved character. Good news is mistakes build character so stop making excuses for your behavior and instead embrace & learn from them .

Posted by Explicit

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Explicit

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Explicit
The thing I don't get about cheating is like why? If you're so unhappy then why not just leave the relationship before or even after the cheating first occurs?

Yeah I forgot one moment.

For people our age and family history you don't just take your dirty laundry and go home leaving a note sorry I don't love you anymore!

It's about huge amount of relatives who will be talking, co-workers, real-estate sale, real estate buying, lawyers fees and whole ton of bullcrap!

We have to be sure it's the way to go and we are trying to take one day at the time by talking and figuring things out.

It's not your 22 y/old just after you have rights to drink desicions!

My child's friends parents are almost all divorced and we are rare couple who is not. Yet anyway!

But every spouse who left was a man!

Not one mother.

It's like more tragic when woman does.

And it's not what I am ready to do YET!

Again I repeat its not just picking up your electronic toys and underwear and walk out the door with feelings free and ready to start anew!

How long has this affair been going on? Are you sure this man is not just toying with you and keeping you as a side-dish while he goes home to his wife and gets the best of both worlds? Or is this just a sexual thing for you and you really don't care? Beware, men can be so deceiving.

8 years!!!

Yes he is just having fun with my 50 y/old ass!!! When he can have 25!!! Trust me he can! I am sorry no picture will be posted!

Lol

He was waiting for 5 years to come out!

We are best friends!

He makes me happy! He is a great man with unconditional love for his family!

I coached him how to get his wife back!

I was ready to lose him just to see him happy! He said no.

We trust each other and taking time.

Deceiving? I would feel it.

I am ok just afraid to die from heart failure.

8 years?! How is no one from both families suspecting an affair?

And damn, why did you coach him to get his wife back? You're not ready to leave either, huh?

This situation is confusing.

click to expand

Because the love in my understanding is not selfish.

I know he is suffering from what's going on between him and his wife.

I know that 28 years old marriage can't be just because! He hurt her in the past.

Not by cheating.

She became angry and hostile.

He shaped up and became best person he can be! She is failing to see that.

She is blindfolded by anger.

So I wanted to try and explain it can be repaired. I spoke to him from woman point of view on being hurt and unforgiving.

It was a whole week of no communication between us. I said make sure you let me know because I deserve to be let down with dignity I led you into a happier place.

He called and I took the call with dying heart!

He said it is not going to work. This part is gone. And we proceed with our regular conversation about every day life.

I am about to find out what had happened but I know he will tell me when time is right.

That's is the story for you.!

I don't know how u look at yourself in the mirror

Posted by SofiaV87
I don't know how u look at yourself in the mirror

I look better that ever before!

Lost 75lb!

Started to take care of my self!

Because I loved myself always but he is way out of my league...

He doesn't think so...apparently because he fell for me when I was fat!

Lol

Posted by LuckyLibra979

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Cancan26
I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'-gemitati

no...you have never heard the person that has been cheated on say this b/c if their partner is not happy ultimately its up to wife/husband to step up as an adult and explain that they aren't happy ...not to tiptoe around cheat and drop hints...only the cheater is WRONG person in the scenario ...blame can't be shifted and nothing can be said to justified your actions ...

I am not looking for justification of my actions!

I don't care!!! I am my own judge and advocate!

I just want one person to say 'I brought this up upon myself by my own actions'

Never seen it!

You full of shit.

click to expand

I don't even eat butter. So...

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Gemitati


I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

You are so mean.

click to expand

I am nice.

I just want one person to be honest!

How mean is it?

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Gemitati


I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

You are so mean.

I am nice.

I just want one person to be honest!

How mean is it?

I'm glad you are nice. :-) It feels very mean to my gut. To blame the person who got hurt and didn't do it. I am being honest {:-) It just feels that the cheater chooses to control their actions or not. How they end a relationship or choose to work on it. Or to continue a fraudulent life.

I am being honest ..it just feels that way to me in my gut.

It would shake me to my core to be cheated on.

click to expand

Being a Gemini I would be shaken and this relationship would end forever as soon as I find out!

I don't do forgiveness crap though i am super nice if you are!

And honey beware that if you are a cheater and not the serial one - you don't make this happen because you are happy to be the one!

It's just happening. Accident. Hit by love!

Crashes. Recovering...

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

click to expand

Talk to me when you married for 23 years!

Lol

I can't find this post!

But someone just asked HOW is this all going on for so long and not mine family suspecting anything?

Thank YOU however payed it!!!

Because we make them so cozy and comfy so THEY DONT GIVE A DAMN!!

This is where they FAIL us...

And when we find each other - there we go!

But we love them! We do! We just get nothing back!!!

And we feeling responsible to keep them happy and unaware!

Discuss/

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

That's silly.

They of all people had no choice. They didn't even know.

The cheater chooses what they do. It's their action.

What bad people do is their responsibility. You can't foretell every time someone is being underhanded. And it's not your fault for believing in the good in people.

The cheater bears the whole responsibility.

click to expand

I bear. And I am not denying it.

We both bear.

But if we didn't care about others we would just say so long...

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

click to expand

How long have you been in relationships the longest?

So shut up! Please

Posted by Shadowcat

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

I'm trying to put you on blast, but aren't you cheating on your cap husband with a scorpio? Doesn't this threaten the validity of your opinion on cheating?

click to expand

No!

It doesn't.

It makes all of you realize when you are in relashionships - don't take it for granted and don't think this moron who kisses your butt and delivering to your liking will stick with you to the end of you don't return affection!!!

Don't just BE there to receive!

Sometimes you need to give!

Or one day you will find yourself ALONE!

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

How long have you been in relationships the longest?

So shut up! Please

click to expand

Once your BAC % is under stomach-pumping level, feel free to rephrase that question.

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

I am really glad you said this. I believe there are reasons for cheating and at the same time reasons why the cheater doesn't just leave the relationship.

I do not however condone or believe in cheating But I have emotionally cheated on my husband and he found out. I won't go into the long boring story as I have done on another thread and from a different perspective but as you said in your post -

"Maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!"

My husband behaved towards me in ways I found unacceptable! He is a perfectionist and wants everything done perfectly. Especially the housework! I swear I am married to a house work obsessed woman with an ocd!

Anyway, getting to the point, my husband would either, boss me around over wanting me to do the housework to his 'perfect' standards and would also belittle my 'could be better' standards; Or Would ignore me in order to spend hours every night on his laptop while watching TV at the same time and calling it a relationship! ?!

I never really felt loved, or appreciated, and only felt I had his attention last thing at night, in bed, when he has no distraction from his laptop etc, and there is nothing left to do but sleep. Here he would cuddle me/make love etc. And he would occasionally flirt with me a little during the day.

BUT this behaviour over time, made me feel lonely, unappreciated, got at, and also unsexy/unattractive! It got to a stage where I no longer believed him when said I Love You, and any flirtation with me began to Make me feel cold inside.

He has a good sense of humour and it's his humour that comes out in social situations etc and makes him the life and soul in a group. However underneath it he is a cold, cruel, unkind, controlling bastard!

I had pleaded with him to stop being controlling. To stop ignoring me for his laptop/TV and just talk to me with no other distractions sometimes.

But no change. He just made excuses. I got bored. I got lonely and felt unloved. I wanted a divorce but was scared of it.

Getting to the point, I longed to meet someone new. Someone the opposite of him. Someone warm, and kind, and loving.

But when I did, I had sadly stayed with my hubby and even had a child to him.

I met a man, just as I was newly pregnant, fell in love with him and yearned to be with him. But I couldn't be as I was pregnant.

Once baby was born, things got worse between me and husband to the point that I became semi - depressed.

And..so started my emotional affair. But - as I still stayed with my husband, the man I fell in love with drifted away. And my heart is broken.

I would like to add that my husband found out early on. I wanted to tell him our marriage is over and that I am in love with someone else. BUT just as I was plucking up the courage to tell him it's over, he gives me news that his mother had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

So..again I couldn't leave my marriage.

This post is longer than I meant it to be but, I think if my husband had listened to my pleadings, and tried to put himself in my shoes, and actually F***KING Listened to me tell him, a few years ago, how badly he treats me, I would not have cheated in the end.

I DO REALISE I should have left him! Instead I have stayed. Had a child. And cheated! ?

Your post made me want to reply because not everyone wants to make their cheating look innocent. Sometimes a person cheats because they are stuck in their marriage to a partner who never ever listens to their pleadings etc and missed the hints and the frustration and just want to be loved in a new relationship.

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by Gemitati


I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

You are so mean.

I am nice.

I just want one person to be honest!

How mean is it?

I'm glad you are nice. :-) It feels very mean to my gut. To blame the person who got hurt and didn't do it. I am being honest {:-) It just feels that the cheater chooses to control their actions or not. How they end a relationship or choose to work on it. Or to continue a fraudulent life.

I am being honest ..it just feels that way to me in my gut.

It would shake me to my core to be cheated on.

Being a Gemini I would be shaken and this relationship would end forever as soon as I find out!

I don't do forgiveness crap though i am super nice if you are!

And honey beware that if you are a cheater and not the serial one - you don't make this happen because you are happy to be the one!

It's just happening. Accident. Hit by love!

Crashes. Recovering...

I am sure you are super nice.

I am not a cheater.

Love doesn't make me lose my sense of self. I don't stop using shampoo because this is how he lives. Or believing in conservative politics. I don't start thinking to hurt people is right in my heart because i love someone.

Whatever is happening to me ...it's still me it is happening to. I don't have a choice if I am raped. Conned lied to ...but I choose if I cheat.

Besides ....hit by true love....I have eyes for one. And eyes for that one ..until i no longer have eyes for that one. And don't tell me ..oh this can happen that can happen. I know myself.

A cheater does not want belonging. If he does not want to belong to a family ..what can be done?

A cheater belongs no where to no family. It's very sad. But it's true.

And they choose this.

click to expand

What was your longest togetherness with a man?

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

How long have you been in relationships the longest?

So shut up! Please

Once your BAC % is under stomach-pumping level, feel free to rephrase that question.

click to expand

So I guess 2 month was IT?

Posted by Seraphlight

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

That's silly.

They of all people had no choice. They didn't even know.

The cheater chooses what they do. It's their action.

What bad people do is their responsibility. You can't foretell every time someone is being underhanded. And it's not your fault for believing in the good in people.

The cheater bears the whole responsibility.

click to expand

I agree. It's not the fault of the cheated-on spouse. Often it's impossible to tell if someone will turn out to be a cheater or not. In which case, all the spouse can do is end the relationship ASAP once they find out.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

How long have you been in relationships the longest?

So shut up! Please

Once your BAC % is under stomach-pumping level, feel free to rephrase that question.

So I guess 2 month was IT?

click to expand

Try 50 months and counting. If that's difficult for you to conceptualize, just look at your fingers and count how many you see.

Posted by pooface222

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

I am really glad you said this. I believe there are reasons for cheating and at the same time reasons why the cheater doesn't just leave the relationship.

I do not however condone or believe in cheating But I have emotionally cheated on my husband and he found out. I won't go into the long boring story as I have done on another thread and from a different perspective but as you said in your post -

"Maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!"

My husband behaved towards me in ways I found unacceptable! He is a perfectionist and wants everything done perfectly. Especially the housework! I swear I am married to a house work obsessed woman with an ocd!

Anyway, getting to the point, my husband would either, boss me around over wanting me to do the housework to his 'perfect' standards and would also belittle my 'could be better' standards; Or Would ignore me in order to spend hours every night on his laptop while watching TV at the same time and calling it a relationship! ?!

I never really felt loved, or appreciated, and only felt I had his attention last thing at night, in bed, when he has no distraction from his laptop etc, and there is nothing left to do but sleep. Here he would cuddle me/make love etc. And he would occasionally flirt with me a little during the day.

BUT this behaviour over time, made me feel lonely, unappreciated, got at, and also unsexy/unattractive! It got to a stage where I no longer believed him when said I Love You, and any flirtation with me began to Make me feel cold inside.

He has a good sense of humour and it's his humour that comes out in social situations etc and makes him the life and soul in a group. However underneath it he is a cold, cruel, unkind, controlling bastard!

I had pleaded with him to stop being controlling. To stop ignoring me for his laptop/TV and just talk to me with no other distractions sometimes.

But no change. He just made excuses. I got bored. I got lonely and felt unloved. I wanted a divorce but was scared of it.

Getting to the point, I longed to meet someone new. Someone the opposite of him. Someone warm, and kind, and loving.

But when I did, I had sadly stayed with my hubby and even had a child to him.

I met a man, just as I was newly pregnant, fell in love with him and yearned to be with him. But I couldn't be as I was pregnant.

Once baby was born, things got worse between me and husband to the point that I became semi - depressed.

And..so started my emotional affair. But - as I still stayed with my husband, the man I fell in love with drifted away. And my heart is broken.

I would like to add that my husband found out early on. I wanted to tell him our marriage is over and that I am in love with someone else. BUT just as I was plucking up the courage to tell him it's over, he gives me news that his mother had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

So..again I couldn't leave my marriage.

This post is longer than I meant it to be but, I think if my husband had listened to my pleadings, and tried to put himself in my shoes, and actually F***KING Listened to me tell him, a few years ago, how badly he treats me, I would not have cheated in the end.

I DO REALISE I should have left him! Instead I have stayed. Had a child. And cheated! ?

Your post made me want to reply because not everyone wants to make their cheating look innocent. Sometimes a person cheats because they are stuck in their marriage to a partner who never ever listens to their pleadings etc and missed the hints and the frustration and just want to be loved in a new relationship.

click to expand

That's why I am asking how long have you been in relationships!

We are as mature women are minority here.

I hope kids can learn from our experiences.

Thanks for the post.

It was worth reading. For me anyway.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by pooface222

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

I am really glad you said this. I believe there are reasons for cheating and at the same time reasons why the cheater doesn't just leave the relationship.

I do not however condone or believe in cheating But I have emotionally cheated on my husband and he found out. I won't go into the long boring story as I have done on another thread and from a different perspective but as you said in your post -

"Maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!"

My husband behaved towards me in ways I found unacceptable! He is a perfectionist and wants everything done perfectly. Especially the housework! I swear I am married to a house work obsessed woman with an ocd!

Anyway, getting to the point, my husband would either, boss me around over wanting me to do the housework to his 'perfect' standards and would also belittle my 'could be better' standards; Or Would ignore me in order to spend hours every night on his laptop while watching TV at the same time and calling it a relationship! ?!

I never really felt loved, or appreciated, and only felt I had his attention last thing at night, in bed, when he has no distraction from his laptop etc, and there is nothing left to do but sleep. Here he would cuddle me/make love etc. And he would occasionally flirt with me a little during the day.

BUT this behaviour over time, made me feel lonely, unappreciated, got at, and also unsexy/unattractive! It got to a stage where I no longer believed him when said I Love You, and any flirtation with me began to Make me feel cold inside.

He has a good sense of humour and it's his humour that comes out in social situations etc and makes him the life and soul in a group. However underneath it he is a cold, cruel, unkind, controlling bastard!

I had pleaded with him to stop being controlling. To stop ignoring me for his laptop/TV and just talk to me with no other distractions sometimes.

But no change. He just made excuses. I got bored. I got lonely and felt unloved. I wanted a divorce but was scared of it.

Getting to the point, I longed to meet someone new. Someone the opposite of him. Someone warm, and kind, and loving.

But when I did, I had sadly stayed with my hubby and even had a child to him.

I met a man, just as I was newly pregnant, fell in love with him and yearned to be with him. But I couldn't be as I was pregnant.

Once baby was born, things got worse between me and husband to the point that I became semi - depressed.

And..so started my emotional affair. But - as I still stayed with my husband, the man I fell in love with drifted away. And my heart is broken.

I would like to add that my husband found out early on. I wanted to tell him our marriage is over and that I am in love with someone else. BUT just as I was plucking up the courage to tell him it's over, he gives me news that his mother had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

So..again I couldn't leave my marriage.

This post is longer than I meant it to be but, I think if my husband had listened to my pleadings, and tried to put himself in my shoes, and actually F***KING Listened to me tell him, a few years ago, how badly he treats me, I would not have cheated in the end.

I DO REALISE I should have left him! Instead I have stayed. Had a child. And cheated! ?

Your post made me want to reply because not everyone wants to make their cheating look innocent. Sometimes a person cheats because they are stuck in their marriage to a partner who never ever listens to their pleadings etc and missed the hints and the frustration and just want to be loved in a new relationship.

That's why I am asking how long have you been in relationships!

We are as mature women are minority here.

I hope kids can learn from our experiences.

Thanks for the post.

It was worth reading. For me anyway.

click to expand

I have in total been with my husband 13 years. I wanted to leave 4 1/2 years ago and before having a child. And I wish I had left.

Things are worse now. We have a child and my husband - quite rightly - doesn't trust me.

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by fugu2

Posted by Gemitati
I want to ask those who were cheated on - have you ever though about why!

Have you ever maybe analyzed your part in this unfortunate happening?

Like maybe your partner would be much happier to not to cheat and be with you but you haven't listened to their pleadings and missed their hints and they become frustrated and did it!!!

I had never heard anyone said 'what have I done to make it happen?'

What have they done wrong?

They chose the wrong partner.



/discussion.

How long have you been in relationships the longest?

So shut up! Please

Once your BAC % is under stomach-pumping level, feel free to rephrase that question.

So I guess 2 month was IT?

Try 50 months and counting. If that's difficult for you to conceptualize, just look at your fingers and count how many you see.

click to expand

So what's your problem?