Conflicts with Mother-in-law's or potential MIL?

Has anybody ever had a conflict with their mother-in-law, or potential mother-in-law or significant others mother?

I' seem to be having a little bit of difficulty with my boyfriend's mom, which is new to me cuz I've never had Somebody's Mother not like me before.

My boyfriend and his mother are extremely close, and I've met her probably about a dozen times within the year that we've been dating. Recently my boyfriend told his mother that him and I are thinking of buying a house. So we've been looking, and seeking her guidance and assistance.

Last night at Easter dinner she had a couple of houses that she had saved to show us, first of all she didn't acknowledge that I would be involved in the house buying process she kept telling my boyfriend about "his" house. And if he goes in with somebody else, such as his sister it would be much easier for him financially.

Second thing is we were looking at a house at didn't have a dishwasher and my boyfriend had mentioned he prefers to have a dishwasher, and she said "oh is that because Gee isn't domesticated?" Right in front of me?!

Now I am very domesticated, I cook often I fold and wash my boyfriend's laundry which isn't even my responsibility cuz we don't live together but I do it just cuz I like to and help him out.

Somewhere along the lines I guess he mentioned that the one thing I despise doing his dishes which he does himself because he doesn't mind. There's been a few other backhanded compliments or backhanded thing she said about me. Such as me being "opinionated ".

I'm curious if this is just her being jealous that her son is getting close to a woman and considering settling down or if she actually doesn't like me.

Has anybody else have experiences like this? And how do i handle it with grace?

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Sounds like standard mother in law BS to me. I wouldn’t take it personally.

What do you mean about the dishwasher thing? In the UK they are just the size of a washing machine, if there isn’t one you buy one. Or do you mean space for one?

Space for one. Typically in the US when people sell they dont take their dishwasers with them. They stay.

There might not have even been a hookup for one.

I understand this is typical Behavior, but it's not anything I've ever experienced before, so it really threw me off

Posted by ItsSupes2

Best thing is to ignore it and when she comes to visit at y’alls new house and it’s clean, smells good and you got that stove or oven rolling out something that makes her mouth water......she will regret saying it.

Then there’s the boyfriend. He sounds like a mommas boy and still on her tit. I’d look into that if I were you

He does have some mommy boy qualities, and on occasion I have sometimes at this tell him I'm not his mother.

But it's not anything that's serious that we can't work through. It actually is a nice thing to me that he respects his mother a lot, cuz I know he respects women in general

Posted by LethalFantasia

If you lahvvv your boyfriend, you will be respectful. Moms can be crazy and difficult when they see their kids like grow up and start their lives with this person. Sometimes in their eyes no one is good enough for their bb!

Be nice, try not to be offended, have conversations with her, etc. Eventually she will warm up to you once she realizes his son is probably not going anywhere. But starting like a war out of this would be really bad for the family and especially your boyfriend.

Just my take! x

I've been very cordial, I haven't started any wars or said anything to her specifically. I just kind of bite my tongue through the whole situation.

I definitely spoke to my boyfriend about it and he says he'll try to interject here and there and try to make her see that I'm a very good influence on him and good wife material. But he also has to be very careful in the way he does it and with certain tact

Posted by r_mactavish

Lol that title is a typical Bollywood drama movie. 😆

Lmao, i have no expierence in that realm.

Interesting that no matter what the culture, Same problems.

Posted by ItsSupes2

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by ItsSupes2

Best thing is to ignore it and when she comes to visit at y’alls new house and it’s clean, smells good and you got that stove or oven rolling out something that makes her mouth water......she will regret saying it.

Then there’s the boyfriend. He sounds like a mommas boy and still on her tit. I’d look into that if I were you

He does have some mommy boy qualities, and on occasion I have sometimes at this tell him I'm not his mother.

But it's not anything that's serious that we can't work through. It actually is a nice thing to me that he respects his mother a lot, cuz I know he respects women in general

It’s never a problem until there’s an actual problem between you and his mommy. Watch what happens

click to expand

Well in my.mind i know what his mother means to him and i would NEVER intentionally come between their relationship. I will bow down to her and take the sumissive role in her presence if i have to.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

What it tells me is that his mother enforces strict gender roles. Her bitchiness is probably less about you and more about that. She's probably also nervous that he's thinking of buying a house with you so soon. The older you get, the shorter period of time a year seems.

Yes, she does follow traditional gender roles and tbh thats the same values my bf and i have.

I want that Susie Homemaker life, and I'm his first girlfriend to be on the same page with him about that.

Which I think makes her realize more so that I'm a good woman for him. But then she might feel second in her role.



Even though we're talking about buying a house we're still a good year out before we can actually afford one together. So we will be together two years or more before that even comes to fruition

Posted by ItsSupes2

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by ItsSupes2

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by ItsSupes2

Best thing is to ignore it and when she comes to visit at y’alls new house and it’s clean, smells good and you got that stove or oven rolling out something that makes her mouth water......she will regret saying it.

Then there’s the boyfriend. He sounds like a mommas boy and still on her tit. I’d look into that if I were you

He does have some mommy boy qualities, and on occasion I have sometimes at this tell him I'm not his mother.

But it's not anything that's serious that we can't work through. It actually is a nice thing to me that he respects his mother a lot, cuz I know he respects women in general

It’s never a problem until there’s an actual problem between you and his mommy. Watch what happens

Well in my.mind i know what his mother means to him and i would NEVER intentionally come between their relationship. I will bow down to her and take the sumissive role in her presence if i have to.

Then she will always shit on you

click to expand

Welp...there has to be happy medium. Thata why im seeking advice here

Posted by PinsNNeedles

I'll ask her if she's feeling snippy lately because she needs some dick and chocolate. 🙂

Yeah, I'm not that confrontational oh, and I find it a bit disrespecting to be honest not trying to start some War here

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

What it tells me is that his mother enforces strict gender roles. Her bitchiness is probably less about you and more about that. She's probably also nervous that he's thinking of buying a house with you so soon. The older you get, the shorter period of time a year seems.

Yes, she does follow traditional gender roles and tbh thats the same values my bf and i have.

I want that Susie Homemaker life, and I'm his first girlfriend to be on the same page with him about that.

Which I think makes her realize more so that I'm a good woman for him. But then she might feel second in her role.



Even though we're talking about buying a house we're still a good year out before we can actually afford one together. So we will be together two years or more before that even comes to fruition

I think you'll be okay, then. You just have to show her that you respect her traditions (not a stretch since you do) and that you also respect her role as mom. She's probably the type who takes a while to trust, and maybe those jabs were tests.

My husband is really close to his mother too. She and I are a lot alike (we're traditional in some ways, but not in most ways), and we get along really well.

click to expand

Did you have any conflicts with her in the beginning? Or any trials or testing periods?

Posted by PinsNNeedles

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by PinsNNeedles

I'll ask her if she's feeling snippy lately because she needs some dick and chocolate. 🙂

Yeah, I'm not that confrontational oh, and I find it a bit disrespecting to be honest not trying to start some War here

It was a joke in the first place so non-taken here. 🙂

click to expand

Lol okay, wasnt sure 😋

Posted by generation_xy

I think if you haven't spent that much time or not much interaction, it isn't enough to conclude that she doesn't like you.

Although, it wouldn't hurt to let her know how you feel.

How would you suggest going about that, without making me seem weak or vulnerable? Or without kind of making her defensive? I'm not very good with those type of conversations without offending or being very blunt

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

What it tells me is that his mother enforces strict gender roles. Her bitchiness is probably less about you and more about that. She's probably also nervous that he's thinking of buying a house with you so soon. The older you get, the shorter period of time a year seems.

Yes, she does follow traditional gender roles and tbh thats the same values my bf and i have.

I want that Susie Homemaker life, and I'm his first girlfriend to be on the same page with him about that.

Which I think makes her realize more so that I'm a good woman for him. But then she might feel second in her role.



Even though we're talking about buying a house we're still a good year out before we can actually afford one together. So we will be together two years or more before that even comes to fruition

I think you'll be okay, then. You just have to show her that you respect her traditions (not a stretch since you do) and that you also respect her role as mom. She's probably the type who takes a while to trust, and maybe those jabs were tests.

My husband is really close to his mother too. She and I are a lot alike (we're traditional in some ways, but not in most ways), and we get along really well.

Did you have any conflicts with her in the beginning? Or any trials or testing periods?

You responded before my edit:

Edit: Mine made it easy from the beginning, though. No tests. *shrugs* Good luck!

But she and I are not the testing type. We're the type to live and let live until someone fucks up. Your situation will be trickier, sounds like.

click to expand

Yeah, I'm really trying to avoid one of those Monster-in-Law situations too.

Posted by Boots1313

Has anybody ever had a conflict with their mother-in-law, or potential mother-in-law or significant others mother?

I’ve had some conflict with my boyfriends mom, thought not as dramatic as your story 😱

My boyfriend takes issue with some things his mom says/does, such as using money to control him or insisting him and his brother should be super bonded (her own brother committed suicide tho, so I don’t blame her for wanting them to have a good bond). But since my bf met me he’s been trying to be more independent from her, and I think she blames me sometimes.

Like one time she asked me why my bf was mad at her, and I explained how he’s upset because she wasn’t paying him for the quality of service he was contributing to a home restoration for her. When I told her this she told me “stop thinking that”, as if I was the one with those ideas.

After that I learned to stop getting involved in their drama and just support my boyfriends handling of situations.

The best thing you can do is encourage your man to set her in her place.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Boots1313

Has anybody ever had a conflict with their mother-in-law, or potential mother-in-law or significant others mother?

I’ve had some conflict with my boyfriends mom, thought not as dramatic as your story 😱

My boyfriend takes issue with some things his mom says/does, such as using money to control him or insisting him and his brother should be super bonded (her own brother committed suicide tho, so I don’t blame her for wanting them to have a good bond). But since my bf met me he’s been trying to be more independent from her, and I think she blames me sometimes.

Like one time she asked me why my bf was mad at her, and I explained how he’s upset because she wasn’t paying him for the quality of service he was contributing to a home restoration for her. When I told her this she told me “stop thinking that”, as if I was the one with those ideas.

After that I learned to stop getting involved in their drama and just support my boyfriends handling of situations.

The best thing you can do is encourage your man to set her in her place.

click to expand

Yeah in that situation, I would never say anything along the lines of what you did. I would probably just say "oh that's something you have to talk to Z about"

I really try not to get involved in their situation, she's definitely tried to pull me in and sent me messages about my boyfriend and I just pleasantly defer it to him.

Thats why i cant understand all her cristism of me.

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Posted by generation_xy

I think if you haven't spent that much time or not much interaction, it isn't enough to conclude that she doesn't like you.

Although, it wouldn't hurt to let her know how you feel.

Yeah, I came back to say this. She may still be wary until she gets to know you some more.

click to expand

Its tough with busy lives. We see her basically 1x a month. She lives an hour away.

I also think becasue we are always in her environment, she never sees me actually play the "role" she expects from me.

She doesnt see all the things i do, do for her son. Him and I dont live togther so if she sees his place it's "his" accomplishments, and she doesn't think i was involved.

Posted by ItsSupes2

Best thing is to ignore it and when she comes to visit at y’alls new house and it’s clean, smells good and you got that stove or oven rolling out something that makes her mouth water......she will regret saying it.

Then there’s the boyfriend. He sounds like a mommas boy and still on her tit. I’d look into that if I were you

This....

He needs to separate from her, sounds unhealthy to me and she needs to let him go and be a man

I don't envy you

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by ItsSupes2

Best thing is to ignore it and when she comes to visit at y’alls new house and it’s clean, smells good and you got that stove or oven rolling out something that makes her mouth water......she will regret saying it.

Then there’s the boyfriend. He sounds like a mommas boy and still on her tit. I’d look into that if I were you

This....

He needs to separate from her, sounds unhealthy to me and she needs to let him go and be a man

I don't envy you

click to expand

I agree completely with the first part, but i really dont see my bf being that coddled. Hes been on his own for 8 years.

However, i guess i dont know all the ins and outs of their relationship.

I dont hear all their converstaions or read their texts. so who really knows what is said. 🤷‍♀️

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by PinsNNeedles

I'll ask her if she's feeling snippy lately because she needs some dick and chocolate. 🙂

Yeah, I'm not that confrontational oh, and I find it a bit disrespecting to be honest not trying to start some War here

click to expand

Does he man up with her and speak out for you (if you're not able to confront her)?

She sounds interferring and jealous....

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by PinsNNeedles

I'll ask her if she's feeling snippy lately because she needs some dick and chocolate. 🙂

Yeah, I'm not that confrontational oh, and I find it a bit disrespecting to be honest not trying to start some War here

Does he man up with her and speak out for you (if you're not able to confront her)?

She sounds interferring and jealous....

click to expand

I saw one text conversation where he said to her "you have to admit shes the best gf ive had"

Mom: "shes ight..."

Him: "she cooked me a really great meal the other night. She takes care of me well mom. My past gfs wouldnt even make me a pb and j"

Her: "she needs to do dishes"

Him: "she thinks you dont like her"

Her: "i like her".

I didn't see the rest.

I was with someone for years who had an interfrring mother. Their family was way to close knit that my dad named them "the mafia"

In the end I despised him, he was so limp wristed, he'd rather see me suffer than say no to his mother,,,,,such a turn off

I raised our lad to be a man, he has no problem asserting himself with me if he thinks I've crossed the line....after dating a series of weak men who were scared of their mammies, I was determined to not raise him that way

Life's lessons....

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by PinsNNeedles

I'll ask her if she's feeling snippy lately because she needs some dick and chocolate. 🙂

Yeah, I'm not that confrontational oh, and I find it a bit disrespecting to be honest not trying to start some War here

Does he man up with her and speak out for you (if you're not able to confront her)?

She sounds interferring and jealous....

I saw one text conversation where he said to her "you have to admit shes the best gf ive had"

Mom: "shes ight..."

Him: "she cooked me a really great meal the other night. She takes care of me well mom. My past gfs wouldnt even make me a pb and j"

Her: "she needs to do dishes"

Him: "she thinks you dont like her"

Her: "i like her".

I didn't see the rest.

click to expand

Hope he answered "and you need to let me be a man Mum and butt out".

Women like her need to be handled strongly.....if not they will just carry on putting their sons' partners down

Is he very young?

Posted by MyStarsShine

I was with someone for years who had an interfrring mother. Their family was way to close knit that my dad named them "the mafia"

In the end I despised him, he was so limp wristed, he'd rather see me suffer than say no to his mother,,,,,such a turn off

I raised our lad to be a man, he has no problem asserting himself with me if he thinks I've crossed the line....after dating a series of weak men who were scared of their mammies, I was determined to not raise him that way

Life's lessons....

I really hope thata not the case. I might just need to asseet myself with him more and hopefully he respects me and my feelings and understands where im coming from.

I dont expect change over night, but id like to see him standing up for me a little bit. And I belive he does.

I guess this will be one of those learning as we go situations...

didn't read thread but I would just tell your man how you feel and ask him to handle it...if my mother was ever disrespectful to my SO in any way, I'd call her out on it directly....I have no patience with that whatsoever. Its unnecessary and I view it as a disrespect to me as well....

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Boots1313

Has anybody ever had a conflict with their mother-in-law, or potential mother-in-law or significant others mother?

I’ve had some conflict with my boyfriends mom, thought not as dramatic as your story 😱

My boyfriend takes issue with some things his mom says/does, such as using money to control him or insisting him and his brother should be super bonded (her own brother committed suicide tho, so I don’t blame her for wanting them to have a good bond). But since my bf met me he’s been trying to be more independent from her, and I think she blames me sometimes.

Like one time she asked me why my bf was mad at her, and I explained how he’s upset because she wasn’t paying him for the quality of service he was contributing to a home restoration for her. When I told her this she told me “stop thinking that”, as if I was the one with those ideas.

After that I learned to stop getting involved in their drama and just support my boyfriends handling of situations.

The best thing you can do is encourage your man to set her in her place.

Yeah in that situation, I would never say anything along the lines of what you did. I would probably just say "oh that's something you have to talk to Z about"

I really try not to get involved in their situation, she's definitely tried to pull me in and sent me messages about my boyfriend and I just pleasantly defer it to him.

Thats why i cant understand all her cristism of me.

click to expand

Ya the only reason I told her is to maybe gain more value in her eyes. Like if I could help her improve their relationship maybe she would think more highly of me lol. Talk about an epic fail 🤦🏻‍♀️

It probably is just a jealousy thing. Is he a mommas boy?

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by PinsNNeedles

I'll ask her if she's feeling snippy lately because she needs some dick and chocolate. 🙂

Yeah, I'm not that confrontational oh, and I find it a bit disrespecting to be honest not trying to start some War here

Does he man up with her and speak out for you (if you're not able to confront her)?

She sounds interferring and jealous....

I saw one text conversation where he said to her "you have to admit shes the best gf ive had"

Mom: "shes ight..."

Him: "she cooked me a really great meal the other night. She takes care of me well mom. My past gfs wouldnt even make me a pb and j"

Her: "she needs to do dishes"

Him: "she thinks you dont like her"

Her: "i like her".

I didn't see the rest.

Hope he answered "and you need to let me be a man Mum and butt out".

Women like her need to be handled strongly.....if not they will just carry on putting their sons' partners down

Is he very young?

click to expand

He will be 28 on friday.

Ill be 30 in the begining of May.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

I was with someone for years who had an interfrring mother. Their family was way to close knit that my dad named them "the mafia"

In the end I despised him, he was so limp wristed, he'd rather see me suffer than say no to his mother,,,,,such a turn off

I raised our lad to be a man, he has no problem asserting himself with me if he thinks I've crossed the line....after dating a series of weak men who were scared of their mammies, I was determined to not raise him that way

Life's lessons....

I really hope thata not the case. I might just need to asseet myself with him more and hopefully he respects me and my feelings and understands where im coming from.

I dont expect change over night, but id like to see him standing up for me a little bit. And I belive he does.

I guess this will be one of those learning as we go situations...

click to expand

I think men are either like that or not, lots of them are scared to stand up to their mothers, it's as though they don't grow up.

Ask him next time you're in her company, to defend you....he doesn't have to be rude, but just to speak out. Did he explain to her that the house being bought is for both of you or did he stay quiet and let her think it was just for him?

I'm dying to see his Astro placements lol.....and hers....

😛

Posted by Metatron

didn't read thread but I would just tell your man how you feel and ask him to handle it...if my mother was ever disrespectful to my SO in any way, I'd call her out on it directly....I have no patience with that whatsoever. Its unnecessary and I view it as a disrespect to me as well....

Nice one👍

Fixed sign?

or you can do the libra thing and recruit the mum to your side.

she probably is feeling threatened that she is going to lose her position in his life. it's likely not personal.

so keep her feeling like she is needed. ask her advice, talk about her son (whom she loves) with her, ask her to tell you about him. make her feel that she is important, will always be important and that you want to learn from her experience. she just needs reassurance.

she'll soon be on team boots.

i wouldn't get your bf involved. i wouldn't confront her. it would just put her on the defensive. i wouldn't tell her how you are feeling. i will most likely only confirm to her what she is already feeling about.

always, always honey before vinegar.

Posted by Metatron

didn't read thread but I would just tell your man how you feel and ask him to handle it...if my mother was ever disrespectful to my SO in any way, I'd call her out on it directly....I have no patience with that whatsoever. Its unnecessary and I view it as a disrespect to me as well....

First off, nice to havw you back, missed your advice!! 😁

Second, yea i think this is something him and I are going to need to discuss and be on the same page about. I dont want to come between his mom and him, but i do want him to acknowledge hy feelings and in a healthy and non confrontational way discuss it with his mother.

I think i can make that happen. We also seem to understand each other and be able to see thats others perspective.

I also know the change wont happen over night.

Possibly this is between him and I and her and him, and not between her and I.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

I was with someone for years who had an interfrring mother. Their family was way to close knit that my dad named them "the mafia"

In the end I despised him, he was so limp wristed, he'd rather see me suffer than say no to his mother,,,,,such a turn off

I raised our lad to be a man, he has no problem asserting himself with me if he thinks I've crossed the line....after dating a series of weak men who were scared of their mammies, I was determined to not raise him that way

Life's lessons....

I really hope thata not the case. I might just need to asseet myself with him more and hopefully he respects me and my feelings and understands where im coming from.

I dont expect change over night, but id like to see him standing up for me a little bit. And I belive he does.

I guess this will be one of those learning as we go situations...

I think men are either like that or not, lots of them are scared to stand up to their mothers, it's as though they don't grow up.

Ask him next time you're in her company, to defend you....he doesn't have to be rude, but just to speak out. Did he explain to her that the house being bought is for both of you or did he stay quiet and let her think it was just for him?

I'm dying to see his Astro placements lol.....and hers....

😛

click to expand

Lol, i did say to him "hey help me out here" and he sort of had a "idk what to do look " and remained quiet....*facepalm*

He did correct her about the house, several times by saying "We" and motioning in my direction.

Small things, but i think its progress.

Hes a taurus sun, aries merc, venus gemini, cancer mars, and sag rising. He has some leo in there too.

All i know is shes a libra sun,

Her whole family are all earth signs.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by jeane

or you can do the libra thing and recruit the mum to your side.

she probably is feeling threatened that she is going to lose her position in his life. it's likely not personal.

so keep her feeling like she is needed. ask her advice, talk about her son (whom she loves) with her, ask her to tell you about him. make her feel that she is important, will always be important and that you want to learn from her experience. she just needs reassurance.

she'll soon be on team boots.

i wouldn't get your bf involved. i wouldn't confront her. it would just put her on the defensive. i wouldn't tell her how you are feeling. i will most likely only confirm to her what she is already feeling about.

always, always honey before vinegar.

I agree 100% . If she doesn't soften over time reevaluate the strategy. Starting a power struggle with his mother is a losing battle.

click to expand

yep, exactly.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

I was with someone for years who had an interfrring mother. Their family was way to close knit that my dad named them "the mafia"

In the end I despised him, he was so limp wristed, he'd rather see me suffer than say no to his mother,,,,,such a turn off

I raised our lad to be a man, he has no problem asserting himself with me if he thinks I've crossed the line....after dating a series of weak men who were scared of their mammies, I was determined to not raise him that way

Life's lessons....

I really hope thata not the case. I might just need to asseet myself with him more and hopefully he respects me and my feelings and understands where im coming from.

I dont expect change over night, but id like to see him standing up for me a little bit. And I belive he does.

I guess this will be one of those learning as we go situations...

I think men are either like that or not, lots of them are scared to stand up to their mothers, it's as though they don't grow up.

Ask him next time you're in her company, to defend you....he doesn't have to be rude, but just to speak out. Did he explain to her that the house being bought is for both of you or did he stay quiet and let her think it was just for him?

I'm dying to see his Astro placements lol.....and hers....

😛

Lol, i did say to him "hey help me out here" and he aorr of had a "idk what to do look " and remained quiet....*facepalm*

He did correct her about the house, several times by saying "We" and motioning in my dircetion.

Small things, but i think its progress.

Hes a taurus sun, aries merc, venus gemini, cancer nars, and sag rising. He has some leo in there too.

All i know is shes a libra sun,

Her whole family are all earth signs.

click to expand

Feminine Mars on a man is difficult and he's fixed sun so probably digs his hooves in. The most assertive partner i had who spoke out had a male Mars....Aries.

Libra women can be steely and not always the warmest

Posted by jeane

or you can do the libra thing and recruit the mum to your side.

she probably is feeling threatened that she is going to lose her position in his life. it's likely not personal.

so keep her feeling like she is needed. ask her advice, talk about her son (whom she loves) with her, ask her to tell you about him. make her feel that she is important, will always be important and that you want to learn from her experience. she just needs reassurance.

she'll soon be on team boots.

i wouldn't get your bf involved. i wouldn't confront her. it would just put her on the defensive. i wouldn't tell her how you are feeling. i will most likely only confirm to her what she is already feeling about.

always, always honey before vinegar.

Of course!! Duh.

She is a libra, so i think you can help me with this.

Also, she is odd in her behviors by right after this incident. Ahe called me into her room tonlay on her bed and scroll through facebook and instagram and show me pictures of her son as a boy.

She does show me some vulnerability and then suddeny she snaps back and will say "tell my son to come here, go away now!".

She might be a little mental btw...possibly personality disorder.

She also hates her step daughter, becasue (her husband) caters to his daughter, over her.

I think there is jealously on all fronts

Posted by LittleStar

I feel that if the mother expects you to do everything he probably is set up for the same scenario that he is used to - be coddled.

It’s a red flag for me and I’d definitely ask him about his expectations for chores and contributions to the household.

Moms can be crazy that’s normal, but the son or daughter needs to be able to disconnect and have their own opinions and be the liaison. If he’s not speaking up about her comments then he’s not got your back.

Don’t buy a house with him until you have clear proof of his character.

Wise advice...👍

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Metatron

didn't read thread but I would just tell your man how you feel and ask him to handle it...if my mother was ever disrespectful to my SO in any way, I'd call her out on it directly....I have no patience with that whatsoever. Its unnecessary and I view it as a disrespect to me as well....

First off, nice to havw you back, missed your advice!! 😁

Second, yea i think this is something him and I are going to need to discuss and be on the same page about. I dont want to come between his mom and him, but i do want him to acknowledge hy feelings and in a healthy and non confrontational way discuss it with his mother.

I think i can make that happen. We also seem to understand each other and be able to see thats others perspective.

I also know the change wont happen over night.

Possibly this is between him and I and her and him, and not between her and I.

click to expand

I agree, especially with that last bit. If you go at her directly, it'll probably increase tension betw. you and both of them. Not that she doesn't deserve it after those comments....

For my part, whatever person I'm with is an extension of me. I expect my family to respect my decision on who I'm with and any dig at them, I take personally. I'm pretty extreme with it - like if they persisted even a couple times, I'd be willing to just forego family get-togethers completely.

Your boyfriend needs to nip his mother's smart ass comments in the bud. Period. I've seen this over and over and over again. And it can really get out of control. Don't allow that. His mother is saying rude comments because her son won't intervene to ask her NOT to be rude to you. Its really that simple. WTH cares if she's jealous! NOT your problem unless your bf sirs back and allows his mom to get away w it.

Been there. Done that. Nip this in the bud NOW.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by jeane

or you can do the libra thing and recruit the mum to your side.

she probably is feeling threatened that she is going to lose her position in his life. it's likely not personal.

so keep her feeling like she is needed. ask her advice, talk about her son (whom she loves) with her, ask her to tell you about him. make her feel that she is important, will always be important and that you want to learn from her experience. she just needs reassurance.

she'll soon be on team boots.

i wouldn't get your bf involved. i wouldn't confront her. it would just put her on the defensive. i wouldn't tell her how you are feeling. i will most likely only confirm to her what she is already feeling about.

always, always honey before vinegar.

Of course!! Duh.

She is a libra, so i think you can help me with this.

Also, she is odd in her behviors by right after this incident. Ahe called me into her room tonlay on her bed and scroll through facebook and instagram and show me pictures of her son as a boy.

She does show me some vulnerability and then suddeny she snaps back and will say "tell my son to come here, go away now!".

She might be a little mental btw...possibly personality disorder.

She also hates her step daughter, becasue (her husband) caters to his daughter, over her.

I think there is jealously on all fronts

click to expand

She sounds unstable

😳

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by jeane

or you can do the libra thing and recruit the mum to your side.

she probably is feeling threatened that she is going to lose her position in his life. it's likely not personal.

so keep her feeling like she is needed. ask her advice, talk about her son (whom she loves) with her, ask her to tell you about him. make her feel that she is important, will always be important and that you want to learn from her experience. she just needs reassurance.

she'll soon be on team boots.

i wouldn't get your bf involved. i wouldn't confront her. it would just put her on the defensive. i wouldn't tell her how you are feeling. i will most likely only confirm to her what she is already feeling about.

always, always honey before vinegar.

Of course!! Duh.

She is a libra, so i think you can help me with this.

Also, she is odd in her behviors by right after this incident. Ahe called me into her room tonlay on her bed and scroll through facebook and instagram and show me pictures of her son as a boy.

She does show me some vulnerability and then suddeny she snaps back and will say "tell my son to come here, go away now!".

She might be a little mental btw...possibly personality disorder.

She also hates her step daughter, becasue (her husband) caters to his daughter, over her.

I think there is jealously on all fronts

click to expand

don't go in thinking this is a battle that must be won.

she's obviously a nice woman. she raised the man you love and he loves her. so see (if you can) through forgiving and accepting glasses.

obviously don't take shit from her but go in thinking this woman is (going to be) my friend who is having a bit of a tough time at the moment.

if she is jealous, she has put herself in opposition. make her feel like she has nothing to be jealous of you. she is queen bee. if you want her to adopt you as her daughter, (silently) adopt her first as your mother. she will mirror you.

so if she shows you photos, follow up a little later with her with questions of as a boy, as a baby, what trouble did he get up to? how did she deal with it? how did she feel when she first had him? be friendly and genuinely interested in getting to know her as a woman and as his mother. she wants to talk about it.

if she suddenly turns on you, take it as a quirk of hers. accept her as the person she is.

go into it thinking you have to have him fight for your place and it's a terrible starting position. one that is going to be hard to move away from going forward.

Sweetpea and Koni have it in the bag 👍

Posted by Metatron

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Metatron

didn't read thread but I would just tell your man how you feel and ask him to handle it...if my mother was ever disrespectful to my SO in any way, I'd call her out on it directly....I have no patience with that whatsoever. Its unnecessary and I view it as a disrespect to me as well....

First off, nice to havw you back, missed your advice!! 😁

Second, yea i think this is something him and I are going to need to discuss and be on the same page about. I dont want to come between his mom and him, but i do want him to acknowledge hy feelings and in a healthy and non confrontational way discuss it with his mother.

I think i can make that happen. We also seem to understand each other and be able to see thats others perspective.

I also know the change wont happen over night.

Possibly this is between him and I and her and him, and not between her and I.

I agree, especially with that last bit. If you go at her directly, it'll probably increase tension betw. you and both of them. Not that she doesn't deserve it after those comments....

For my part, whatever person I'm with is an extension of me. I expect my family to respect my decision on who I'm with and any dig at them, I take personally. I'm pretty extreme with it - like if they persisted even a couple times, I'd be willing to just forego family get-togethers completely.

click to expand

Mature and manly 👍

Posted by jeane

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by jeane

or you can do the libra thing and recruit the mum to your side.

she probably is feeling threatened that she is going to lose her position in his life. it's likely not personal.

so keep her feeling like she is needed. ask her advice, talk about her son (whom she loves) with her, ask her to tell you about him. make her feel that she is important, will always be important and that you want to learn from her experience. she just needs reassurance.

she'll soon be on team boots.

i wouldn't get your bf involved. i wouldn't confront her. it would just put her on the defensive. i wouldn't tell her how you are feeling. i will most likely only confirm to her what she is already feeling about.

always, always honey before vinegar.

Of course!! Duh.

She is a libra, so i think you can help me with this.

Also, she is odd in her behviors by right after this incident. Ahe called me into her room tonlay on her bed and scroll through facebook and instagram and show me pictures of her son as a boy.

She does show me some vulnerability and then suddeny she snaps back and will say "tell my son to come here, go away now!".

She might be a little mental btw...possibly personality disorder.

She also hates her step daughter, becasue (her husband) caters to his daughter, over her.

I think there is jealously on all fronts

don't go in thinking this is a battle that must be won.

she's obviously a nice woman. she raised the man you love and he loves her. so see (if you can) through forgiving and accepting glasses.

obviously don't take shit from her but go in thinking this woman is (going to be) my friend who is having a bit of a tough time at the moment.

if she is jealous, she has put herself in opposition. make her feel like she has nothing to be jealous of you. she is queen bee. if you want her to adopt you as her daughter, (silently) adopt her first as your mother. she will mirror you.

so if she shows you photos, follow up a little later with her with questions of as a boy, as a baby, what trouble did he get up to? how did she deal with it? how did she feel when she first had him? be friendly and genuinely interested in getting to know her as a woman and as his mother. she wants to talk about it.

if she suddenly turns on you, take it as a quirk of hers. accept her as the person she is.

go into it thinking you have to have him fight for your place and it's a terrible starting position. one that is going to be hard to move away from going forward.

click to expand

Thank you for the advice. As with all your advice I will try to adapt this and use it.

Im a horrible conversationalist and i have been called harsh in my approach to things.

Softening my approach to everything in life is something im learning and actively trying to persue.

Posted by Boots1313

Thank you for the advice. As with all your advice I will try to adapt this and use it.

Im a horrible conversationalist and i have been called harsh in my approach to things.

Softening my approach to everything in life is something im learning and actively trying to persue.

it's understandable to want to fight fire with fire. that would be my gut reaction too.

but! and here's a big butt....you love your fella and for his sake and as an expression of that love, it's your duty to get along with his mum. love him enough not to put him in the middle. if he does it on his own volition - fantastic.

like i said, if she becomes insulting, stand your ground...even make a pointed joke of it.

eg...q: is she not domesticated? a: oh i am! i even eat with cutlery now!

nipping it in the bud etc means that in order for you to win, she must lose. is that the secret to dealing with a woman who will be in your life for decades to come?

Posted by generation_xy

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by generation_xy

I think if you haven't spent that much time or not much interaction, it isn't enough to conclude that she doesn't like you.

Although, it wouldn't hurt to let her know how you feel.

How would you suggest going about that, without making me seem weak or vulnerable? Or without kind of making her defensive? I'm not very good with those type of conversations without offending or being very blunt

Maybe take her out for lunch or drop by with a basket of fruit/plant, see if she's receptive. You get the chance to get to know each other and talk without third party. If she says anything underanded/passive, ask if she has any issues with you and ask her for solutions. Extend your good hand.

click to expand

I have tried several times to meet up for coffee or lunch or just have a "beach" day, but she always cancels last minute. Not even becasue of this situation.

just in attempts of trying to get to know her better.

Our first few interactions I adored and i felt of her as a friend, so i genuinely wanted to hangout with her.

I have stopped those attempts as of late.

Posted by jeane

Posted by Boots1313

Thank you for the advice. As with all your advice I will try to adapt this and use it.

Im a horrible conversationalist and i have been called harsh in my approach to things.

Softening my approach to everything in life is something im learning and actively trying to persue.

it's understandable to want to fight fire with fire. that would be my gut reaction too.

but! and here's a big butt....you love your fella and for his sake and as an expression of that love, it's your duty to get along with his mum. love him enough not to put him in the middle. if he does it on his own volition - fantastic.

like i said, if she becomes insulting, stand your ground...even make a pointed joke of it.

eg...q: is she not domesticated? a: oh i am! i even eat with cutlery now!

nipping it in the bud etc means that in order for you to win, she must lose. is that the secret to dealing with a woman who will be in your life for decades to come?

click to expand

Damn, sometimes i wish I was more quick witted.

I took it upon my self to wash the dishes...by hand, after dinner. That was my only way to disprove her point.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by generation_xy

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by generation_xy

I think if you haven't spent that much time or not much interaction, it isn't enough to conclude that she doesn't like you.

Although, it wouldn't hurt to let her know how you feel.

How would you suggest going about that, without making me seem weak or vulnerable? Or without kind of making her defensive? I'm not very good with those type of conversations without offending or being very blunt

Maybe take her out for lunch or drop by with a basket of fruit/plant, see if she's receptive. You get the chance to get to know each other and talk without third party. If she says anything underanded/passive, ask if she has any issues with you and ask her for solutions. Extend your good hand.

I have tried several times to meet up for coffee or lunch or just have a "beach" day, but she always cancels last minute. Not even becasue of this situation.

just in attempts of trying to get to know her better.

Our first few interactions I adored and i felt of her as a friend, so i genuinely wanted to hangout with her.

I have stopped those attempts as of late.

click to expand

What reason/excuse does she give you for repeatedly letting you down?

I'm so happy my mother in law finaly did herself in one day in front of both my husband and my brother in law. Pretty sad when both your sons are defending the wife. Life has been peaceful every since!

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by generation_xy

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by generation_xy

I think if you haven't spent that much time or not much interaction, it isn't enough to conclude that she doesn't like you.

Although, it wouldn't hurt to let her know how you feel.

How would you suggest going about that, without making me seem weak or vulnerable? Or without kind of making her defensive? I'm not very good with those type of conversations without offending or being very blunt

Maybe take her out for lunch or drop by with a basket of fruit/plant, see if she's receptive. You get the chance to get to know each other and talk without third party. If she says anything underanded/passive, ask if she has any issues with you and ask her for solutions. Extend your good hand.

I have tried several times to meet up for coffee or lunch or just have a "beach" day, but she always cancels last minute. Not even becasue of this situation.

just in attempts of trying to get to know her better.

Our first few interactions I adored and i felt of her as a friend, so i genuinely wanted to hangout with her.

I have stopped those attempts as of late.

What reason/excuse does she give you for repeatedly letting you down?

click to expand

Usually says she has to work. Or if its rainy it puts her in a "mood"

My bf said this has been his wholenlife. She bailed on everything last minute and sometimes just because she didnt "feel like it" He kind of has the same habit, which he is trying hard to break now.

She rescheduled his birthday last year for 2 months. Until we just called it fourth of july/z's bday.

Posted by Jade_Alexander

My in laws gave me hell.

My MIL slandered about me. She has BPD like my ex.

I don’t expect perfection, but i wont go into another relationship despised because I’m different.

Any particular stories to share?

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by generation_xy

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by generation_xy

I think if you haven't spent that much time or not much interaction, it isn't enough to conclude that she doesn't like you.

Although, it wouldn't hurt to let her know how you feel.

How would you suggest going about that, without making me seem weak or vulnerable? Or without kind of making her defensive? I'm not very good with those type of conversations without offending or being very blunt

Maybe take her out for lunch or drop by with a basket of fruit/plant, see if she's receptive. You get the chance to get to know each other and talk without third party. If she says anything underanded/passive, ask if she has any issues with you and ask her for solutions. Extend your good hand.

I have tried several times to meet up for coffee or lunch or just have a "beach" day, but she always cancels last minute. Not even becasue of this situation.

just in attempts of trying to get to know her better.

Our first few interactions I adored and i felt of her as a friend, so i genuinely wanted to hangout with her.

I have stopped those attempts as of late.

What reason/excuse does she give you for repeatedly letting you down?

Usually says she has to work. Or if its rainy it puts her in a "mood"

My bf said this has been his wholenlife. She bailed on everything last minute and sometimes just because she didnt "feel like it" He kind of has the same habit, which he is trying hard to break now.

She rescheduled his birthday last year for 2 months. Until we just called it fourth of july/z's bday.

click to expand

Wow.....flakey and a let down

Definitely unstable

Stay away