Conflicts with Mother-in-law's or potential MIL? (Page 3)

Me and my ex Pisces mom had a love/hate relationship. We had multiple times of being at each other's throats because she would hurt her kids...not in a physical way but just her behavior and it use to infuriate me to the point that I just couldn't stand there and not say something anymore. She was/is that fake nasty nice and she very much resented me for "taking her baby boy" away 🙄. Then there were times where we'd get along but soon enough we'd be back at it lol. She is an Aries who I normally get along well with 🤷.

After he passed away tho...we became a little closer...now when she sees me she sees him and I bring her comfort from that but there's still that tension lol. The MIL situations can be a real pain in the ass. Not really sure how to handle it and a lot depends on their family dynamic. I wouldn't take what she says and does to heart....you can't force her to like you and who knows, if you are with him for a long time...she may come around.

The last relationships i was in the guy's mother was weird. He was scared to speak out to her. When we were together he'd spend long periods of time talking on the phone to her. Luckily I never met her but sensed she would be threatened by me. She couldn't let go of him and he had mother issues😳. She was a Libra Sun with Pisces Moon....i saw a photo of her and she looked like an Ice Queen. He said she was the complete opposite of me.

The upside was it made me very aware of the importance of allowing our son to grow up and be a man, not to cross over boundaries and keep my nose out of his business, which I do, I'm not sure why some mothers don't think it's important to respect their kids.

Put yourself in harm's way to protect her. Worked for me, and when her son made an indefinitely-long commitment recently, she didn't object in the slightest.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Boots1313

So what was the immediate outcome?

I mentioned it to my SO, o felt i had to because togther we have always been a united front and he is usually very understanding.

I approached him more about HIS behavior, not his mothers.

I asked if he could help me out by throwing in some kind words here and there to her about me, and if he sees me struggling , during interactions to try and throw me a life vest.

To my surprise his reaponse was positive and not hurt or offended in the least bit.

He did say his mom overall is a "great person" but she is "mean". Apparenelty they have all been vetted since they were young ao they are use to it. But her step cHildren and I get ro go through this "test" now.

(He literally called it a test). He apologized for her and he promised to help me with it.

He also said, which some one else mentioned. That a year to her is nothing. So she still needs to get to know me

He reassured me he loves me and we are fine and this will all work out in the end. ❤

That's so good to hear, not about her being difficult, but him knowing that about her, understanding, and putting you at ease. Having a difficult parent is hard. I think you're doing the right thing by helping each other with that instead of drawing a line in the sand. My husband sometimes needs my support to get through difficult interactions with one of his parents. I won't say which. 😉

Lol yes, overall i think its a good short term outcome. Only time will tell how to peoceed, but glad i have someone in my court if need be.

Thanks for your advice

click to expand

So good to read this. He’s the only one your really NEED to be on your side. Great job communicating with him. Touchy subject and you did it 🤗

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Boots1313

So what was the immediate outcome?

I mentioned it to my SO, o felt i had to because togther we have always been a united front and he is usually very understanding.

I approached him more about HIS behavior, not his mothers.

I asked if he could help me out by throwing in some kind words here and there to her about me, and if he sees me struggling , during interactions to try and throw me a life vest.

To my surprise his reaponse was positive and not hurt or offended in the least bit.

He did say his mom overall is a "great person" but she is "mean". Apparenelty they have all been vetted since they were young ao they are use to it. But her step cHildren and I get ro go through this "test" now.

(He literally called it a test). He apologized for her and he promised to help me with it.

He also said, which some one else mentioned. That a year to her is nothing. So she still needs to get to know me

He reassured me he loves me and we are fine and this will all work out in the end. ❤

That's so good to hear, not about her being difficult, but him knowing that about her, understanding, and putting you at ease. Having a difficult parent is hard. I think you're doing the right thing by helping each other with that instead of drawing a line in the sand. My husband sometimes needs my support to get through difficult interactions with one of his parents. I won't say which. 😉

Lol yes, overall i think its a good short term outcome. Only time will tell how to peoceed, but glad i have someone in my court if need be.

Thanks for your advice

So good to read this. He’s the only one your really NEED to be on your side. Great job communicating with him. Touchy subject and you did it 🤗

click to expand

Thank you, I believe in communication, even when its hard. Luckily he makes it easy. 😊

You need to stand up for yourself. You don't need to be rude or disrespectful about it at all. If she's making little comments about dishes or purposefully referring to 'his' house then it's fine to correct her. Actually, it would be our home as we'd be buying it together. We both do dishes so we have no issues with chores. We both cook and clean, after all, we are adults. If this was another person such as a work colleague you'd not look to give them the sane free pass as the MIL. She doesn't get to get away with poor or disresoectful behaviour just because she's the MIL. It's up to you whether you want to attempt to be her 'friend'. Just because she's family it doesn't mean you will automatically get on. There's some good advice here already so choose which suits you and your situation. My main bit of advice is below.

You could always see her less. You don't need to go with him everytime. You don't need to go each month. Go every other month or every three months. It gives him time with his mother. If the only time she's seeing his son is when you're there then it will give them time together too. You're not joined at the hip.