impenetrable walls = safety or more isolation...?

"the walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."

"the walls we build to protect ourselves also become the walls that imprison us."

my best friend recently went through an extremely painful breakup (with his girlfriend of five years. they had plans to get married) and his wall has gone all the way up. he has basically fallen into this "f**k relationships. i'm never loving anybody again" mindset...his luck really hasn't been all that great in regards to relationships. his last girl cheated on him and then this...

i understand how he feels 'cause i've been there too (hurt, deceived, let down by family, friends, people i trusted etc) i was naive back then.

but building a wall up hasn't been worth it in my experience so it pains me to see him go down this route.

and then as i was thinking about it, i remembered this song "heartless" by the weeknd

i only vaguely remember the lyrics but it was something like

"tryna love me but they never get a pulse down

and i'm back to my ways 'cause i'm heartless

all this money and this pain got me heartless

tryna be a better man but i'm heartless"

i feel like there are a lot of songs like this that sorta romanticize being cold and heartless after many heartbreaks and hardships but i think this mindset is only the beginning of more isolation and confusion.

and it's fear-based.

i don't think that having impenetrable walls will save us from that much. as long as we're living in fear, we're not truly free.

it's hard to find the right balance 'cause there are sometimes severe consequences to wearing your heart on your sleeve but at the same time, life can't be truly experienced without vulnerability.

having a wall up might prevent us from experiencing true connection.

what have been your personal experiences with this...?

Sometimes we need to heal first. I said the same after both divorces. Not that I really truly meant it, but when you’re very hurt it’s not the time to start a new relationship.

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

I was like this for a while until I realized it prolonged my healing. You don't have to fall in love tho to let someone in. I needed to talk with different women to understand that my ex was just someone not meant for me. But I still had residuals from the shit.I put up with to keep my family so I was pushing away women and not realizing it. Tbh I was so broken from my split that I was insecure. And carried that baggage until I saw my potential. Then saw who my ex really was. Then realized that who I was ultimately determined what I was attracting. The walls went down when my.confidence went up. Then instead of having walls too high to climb or see the sky, I developed a very strong personality. And then things.fell into place. Funny you bring this up today because Abby and alex responded to my comment about letting one slip away. I still have yet go meet someone like her and its been 2 years. But I was too clogged up with anxiety to act properly and she came.and went. Now, I let ppl period get close to me cuz I know how and when to cut off toxic ish.



I agree with you. That wall just keeps pain in more than it keeps it out

Relationships are over rated

Your friend's just in a lot of pain at the moment. Give him a year or so and he'll be looking to get cuffed again.

... Unless he's a fixed sign.

Posted by serenidad

"the walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."

"the walls we build to protect ourselves also become the walls that imprison us."

my best friend recently went through an extremely painful breakup (with his girlfriend of five years. they had plans to get married) and his wall has gone all the way up. he has basically fallen into this "f**k relationships. i'm never loving anybody again" mindset...his luck really hasn't been all that great in regards to relationships. his last girl cheated on him and then this...

i understand how he feels 'cause i've been there too (hurt, deceived, let down by family, friends, people i trusted etc) i was naive back then.

but building a wall up hasn't been worth it in my experience so it pains me to see him go down this route.

and then as i was thinking about it, i remembered this song "heartless" by the weeknd

i only vaguely remember the lyrics but it was something like

"tryna love me but they never get a pulse down

and i'm back to my ways 'cause i'm heartless

all this money and this pain got me heartless

tryna be a better man but i'm heartless"

i feel like there are a lot of songs like this that sorta romanticize being cold and heartless after many heartbreaks and hardships but i think this mindset is only the beginning of more isolation and confusion.

and it's fear-based.

i don't think that having impenetrable walls will save us from that much. as long as we're living in fear, we're not truly free.

it's hard to find the right balance 'cause there are sometimes severe consequences to wearing your heart on your sleeve but at the same time, life can't be truly experienced without vulnerability.

having a wall up might prevent us from experiencing true connection.

what have been your personal experiences with this...?

Walls make it worse. It is however nessacary to withdraw and process. To take the lesson or let go of what isn't your fault in the first place. To come to terms with what happened and not hold on to it and make it apart of your identity, ie PTSD, trama etc

Shit happens.

Afterwords you open up again.



P.S. it is quite possible to find happiness internally with yourself. Useful for dealing with what happens in external. That is a entirely different topic tho.

Some people feel safer when isolated. Whatever floats your boat.

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

i agree that letting people in when you're not ready leads to more hurt. bringing unhealed pain into your new relationship is like already starting things off on the wrong foot. you're most likely gonna end up taking your frustrations out on the new partner which isn't healthy at all and also wouldn't be fair to the other person...my friend doesn't really take time to heal. a month after he broke up with his last girl (the one that cheated on him), he was already in a relationship with the new girl (the one he just broke up with). he admitted that he moved too fast but he said he needed to at the time 'cause the pain was too much.

Posted by Libra4rmTX

I was like this for a while until I realized it prolonged my healing. You don't have to fall in love tho to let someone in. I needed to talk with different women to understand that my ex was just someone not meant for me. But I still had residuals from the shit.I put up with to keep my family so I was pushing away women and not realizing it. Tbh I was so broken from my split that I was insecure. And carried that baggage until I saw my potential. Then saw who my ex really was. Then realized that who I was ultimately determined what I was attracting. The walls went down when my.confidence went up. Then instead of having walls too high to climb or see the sky, I developed a very strong personality. And then things.fell into place. Funny you bring this up today because Abby and alex responded to my comment about letting one slip away. I still have yet go meet someone like her and its been 2 years. But I was too clogged up with anxiety to act properly and she came.and went. Now, I let ppl period get close to me cuz I know how and when to cut off toxic ish.



I agree with you. That wall just keeps pain in more than it keeps it out

yeah i think one of the saddest thing about it is when you start questioning your own self-worth and feeling insecure after a heartbreak....and you start beating yourself up for things that may not have had anything to do with you but you don't really see the situation clearly until some time has passed....i'm glad you regained your confidence and got a better insight into your past relationships. any new encounter you have is gonna be better than the last one 'cause you've analyzed things and worked on yourself.

Posted by Lionheart917

After going through a painful breakup, many years ago. I learned that pain is primarily mental. Building a wall will not do you or anyone else good if you try to get Into another relationship. You have to accept that it's over. Whether it takes a year or two, you have to heal to move forward. And I agree 👆 that relationship are overrated.

yeah i think many people are feeling jaded about relationships. especially after several consecutive challenging attempts (i.e. my best friend). i agree with you that pain and suffering are primarily mental since suffering usually is the result of clinging to something or resisting something....and being unable to move on from it.

Posted by Mutya

Your friend's just in a lot of pain at the moment. Give him a year or so and he'll be looking to get cuffed again.

... Unless he's a fixed sign.

he's a virgo sun (2nd house) with aries moon (9th house)

his sadness turned into anger real quickly. i'm worried.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by serenidad

"the walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."

"the walls we build to protect ourselves also become the walls that imprison us."

my best friend recently went through an extremely painful breakup (with his girlfriend of five years. they had plans to get married) and his wall has gone all the way up. he has basically fallen into this "f**k relationships. i'm never loving anybody again" mindset...his luck really hasn't been all that great in regards to relationships. his last girl cheated on him and then this...

i understand how he feels 'cause i've been there too (hurt, deceived, let down by family, friends, people i trusted etc) i was naive back then.

but building a wall up hasn't been worth it in my experience so it pains me to see him go down this route.

and then as i was thinking about it, i remembered this song "heartless" by the weeknd

i only vaguely remember the lyrics but it was something like

"tryna love me but they never get a pulse down

and i'm back to my ways 'cause i'm heartless

all this money and this pain got me heartless

tryna be a better man but i'm heartless"

i feel like there are a lot of songs like this that sorta romanticize being cold and heartless after many heartbreaks and hardships but i think this mindset is only the beginning of more isolation and confusion.

and it's fear-based.

i don't think that having impenetrable walls will save us from that much. as long as we're living in fear, we're not truly free.

it's hard to find the right balance 'cause there are sometimes severe consequences to wearing your heart on your sleeve but at the same time, life can't be truly experienced without vulnerability.

having a wall up might prevent us from experiencing true connection.

what have been your personal experiences with this...?

Walls make it worse. It is however nessacary to withdraw and process. To take the lesson or let go of what isn't your fault in the first place. To come to terms with what happened and not hold on to it and make it apart of your identity, ie PTSD, trama etc

Shit happens.

Afterwords you open up again.



P.S. it is quite possible to find happiness internally with yourself. Useful for dealing with what happens in external. That is a entirely different topic tho.

click to expand

yeah making pain a part of your identity is all too common...

if the pain made you a stronger, more empathetic person and added depth/layers to your personality as a result, i think it's good.

but if it just made you bitter, distrusting and angry, it might become poisonous.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Some people feel safer when isolated. Whatever floats your boat.

he hates being alone

Posted by serenidad

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

i agree that letting people in when you're not ready leads to more hurt. bringing unhealed pain into your new relationship is like already starting things off on the wrong foot. you're most likely gonna end up taking your frustrations out on the new partner which isn't healthy at all and also wouldn't be fair to the other person...my friend doesn't really take time to heal. a month after he broke up with his last girl (the one that cheated on him), he was already in a relationship with the new girl (the one he just broke up with). he admitted that he moved too fast but he said he needed to at the time 'cause the pain was too much.

click to expand

I get it. I’ve done it. But in my experience until you slow down & deal with the pain, it will keep affecting you.

I think some people should have walls up for their own sakes. Until they learn why they are not attracting positive relationships they are very likely to repeat the same patterns and it’s helpful for them to have boundaries. It really depends on how the person learns. Are they better sitting alone and thinking what happened or do they bash their head through relationships until the pain forces them to learn. Another option is they never learn and go through 4 divorces or some butter like that.

Your friends feelings are normal, and valid. He's hurt. That said, walls do create both safety and isolation.

Can you blame him though? I think his reaction is quite normal considering the circumstances. I think I would be more worried if he jumped into a relationship directly after.

Posted by Raminheartz

I think some people should have walls up for their own sakes. Until they learn why they are not attracting positive relationships they are very likely to repeat the same patterns and it’s helpful for them to have boundaries. It really depends on how the person learns. Are they better sitting alone and thinking what happened or do they bash their head through relationships until the pain forces them to learn. Another option is they never learn and go through 4 divorces or some butter like that.

he usually jumps into a new relationship before he has had time to heal and repeats the same old fights, the same old patterns with the new person. his most recent girlfriend helped him grow in many ways.

Posted by Timone

Can you blame him though? I think his reaction is quite normal considering the circumstances. I think I would be more worried if he jumped into a relationship directly after.

the way he deals with sadness is he gets apathetic and resorts to reckless, self destructive behavior. i’ve had to talk him out of numerous reckless behaviors in the past. he has a good heart and i just don’t wanna see him dig himself into a hole.

Everyone deals differently but similarly..

It’s called growth

We all experienced it through our lives until we become a little more old and wise

The older you get the wiser you become, not from just your experiences but from learning from and with your friends too.

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by serenidad

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

i agree that letting people in when you're not ready leads to more hurt. bringing unhealed pain into your new relationship is like already starting things off on the wrong foot. you're most likely gonna end up taking your frustrations out on the new partner which isn't healthy at all and also wouldn't be fair to the other person...my friend doesn't really take time to heal. a month after he broke up with his last girl (the one that cheated on him), he was already in a relationship with the new girl (the one he just broke up with). he admitted that he moved too fast but he said he needed to at the time 'cause the pain was too much.

I get it. I’ve done it. But in my experience until you slow down & deal with the pain, it will keep affecting you.

How do you 'deal' with pain? I am imagining if you isolate yourself to deal with pain - THE PAIN - is all you'll be thinking about which will produce more pain and anger and whatnot.

Pain will be dealing with YOU! Brutally. With joy. Torturing every cell of your brain.

Deal with pain...a myth.

click to expand

No actually not. You work through it. Forgiveness not for them, but for yourself & concentrate on you instead of being angry at the world & acting like a victim. You do go & have joy but not in terms of a relationship until you’re ready.

Ignoring the pain just pushes it down & it comes up at the most inconvenient times.. and also you keep repeating the pattern until you deal with it. I’ve done it both ways darling.

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by serenidad

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

i agree that letting people in when you're not ready leads to more hurt. bringing unhealed pain into your new relationship is like already starting things off on the wrong foot. you're most likely gonna end up taking your frustrations out on the new partner which isn't healthy at all and also wouldn't be fair to the other person...my friend doesn't really take time to heal. a month after he broke up with his last girl (the one that cheated on him), he was already in a relationship with the new girl (the one he just broke up with). he admitted that he moved too fast but he said he needed to at the time 'cause the pain was too much.

I get it. I’ve done it. But in my experience until you slow down & deal with the pain, it will keep affecting you.

How do you 'deal' with pain? I am imagining if you isolate yourself to deal with pain - THE PAIN - is all you'll be thinking about which will produce more pain and anger and whatnot.

Pain will be dealing with YOU! Brutally. With joy. Torturing every cell of your brain.

Deal with pain...a myth.

No actually not. You work through it. Forgiveness not for them, but for yourself & concentrate on you instead of being angry at the world & acting like a victim. You do go & have joy but not in terms of a relationship until you’re ready.

Ignoring the pain just pushes it down & it comes up at the most inconvenient times.. and also you keep repeating the pattern until you deal with it. I’ve done it both ways darling.

'You work trough it' how? These just WORDS! Same stamps like 'take it easy' that means NOTHING! Because you CANT take it easy! You take it hard...

Forgiveness for yourself? WHY? Because you walked in on them fucking? So you shouldn't have? WHY?

And how are you know you are 'ready' for new relationship after staying in place dying from anger and sadness - you are 'ready' after when?

You arent supposed to ignore pain. You supposed to not let it take over and paralyze your brain with hate and fear and thought of suicide etc. You not supposed to sit and marinate in this pain and negativity saying 'i will never date again'...

BS! Of course they do.

It is too bad we are using these made up words and sentences that sound smart but in fact - empty noise. Letters put together. Meaningless. Not helpful. Confusing but prettily sounding. Thats all.

click to expand

🙄🙄 I am not using made up words, you just don’t understand it. It is okay to grieve. I am not saying to feel sorry for yourself, have hate, anger, act like a victim and contemplate suicide. That is far different than what I’m saying. That is not dealing with the pain but succumbing to it. And jumping into something new is no guarantee you feel better, sometimes it makes it worse. You get hurt again & then it’s worse. Facing pain and anxiety gets you through it.. and to the other side where it no longer exists. Being scared & running from it doesn’t make it go away. People use drugs & alcohol & sex to make it go away but it’s still there. To deny it is not dealing with it.

Forgiveness is to give you a way different than anger to move past it. It is not for the jerk who wronged you. Instead of sulking in the poor me mentality, you are able let go of the pain, the anger, the sadness. You’re ready when you’re no longer driven by those things.. because if you are, you just bring it into the new relationship. Everything triggers it. Unless you just want to have a toxic miserable relationship over & over again.

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by serenidad

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

i agree that letting people in when you're not ready leads to more hurt. bringing unhealed pain into your new relationship is like already starting things off on the wrong foot. you're most likely gonna end up taking your frustrations out on the new partner which isn't healthy at all and also wouldn't be fair to the other person...my friend doesn't really take time to heal. a month after he broke up with his last girl (the one that cheated on him), he was already in a relationship with the new girl (the one he just broke up with). he admitted that he moved too fast but he said he needed to at the time 'cause the pain was too much.

I get it. I’ve done it. But in my experience until you slow down & deal with the pain, it will keep affecting you.

In my experience what is affecting you is 'dealing with pain; which is made up BS that has no definition because it is not a thing,

click to expand

You have a different definition of dealing with pain than I do. Suffering from the pain is not dealing with the pain. Dealing with it makes it go away, suffering keeps you in that sadness pit.

Posted by serenidad

Posted by Timone

Can you blame him though? I think his reaction is quite normal considering the circumstances. I think I would be more worried if he jumped into a relationship directly after.

the way he deals with sadness is he gets apathetic and resorts to reckless, self destructive behavior. i’ve had to talk him out of numerous reckless behaviors in the past. he has a good heart and i just don’t wanna see him dig himself into a hole.

click to expand

You're a good friend. Hope he feels better soon.

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by serenidad

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

i agree that letting people in when you're not ready leads to more hurt. bringing unhealed pain into your new relationship is like already starting things off on the wrong foot. you're most likely gonna end up taking your frustrations out on the new partner which isn't healthy at all and also wouldn't be fair to the other person...my friend doesn't really take time to heal. a month after he broke up with his last girl (the one that cheated on him), he was already in a relationship with the new girl (the one he just broke up with). he admitted that he moved too fast but he said he needed to at the time 'cause the pain was too much.

I get it. I’ve done it. But in my experience until you slow down & deal with the pain, it will keep affecting you.

How do you 'deal' with pain? I am imagining if you isolate yourself to deal with pain - THE PAIN - is all you'll be thinking about which will produce more pain and anger and whatnot.

Pain will be dealing with YOU! Brutally. With joy. Torturing every cell of your brain.

Deal with pain...a myth.

No actually not. You work through it. Forgiveness not for them, but for yourself & concentrate on you instead of being angry at the world & acting like a victim. You do go & have joy but not in terms of a relationship until you’re ready.

Ignoring the pain just pushes it down & it comes up at the most inconvenient times.. and also you keep repeating the pattern until you deal with it. I’ve done it both ways darling.

'You work trough it' how? These just WORDS! Same stamps like 'take it easy' that means NOTHING! Because you CANT take it easy! You take it hard...

Forgiveness for yourself? WHY? Because you walked in on them fucking? So you shouldn't have? WHY?

And how are you know you are 'ready' for new relationship after staying in place dying from anger and sadness - you are 'ready' after when?

You arent supposed to ignore pain. You supposed to not let it take over and paralyze your brain with hate and fear and thought of suicide etc. You not supposed to sit and marinate in this pain and negativity saying 'i will never date again'...

BS! Of course they do.

It is too bad we are using these made up words and sentences that sound smart but in fact - empty noise. Letters put together. Meaningless. Not helpful. Confusing but prettily sounding. Thats all.

🙄🙄 I am not using made up words, you just don’t understand it. It is okay to grieve. I am not saying to feel sorry for yourself, have hate, anger, act like a victim and contemplate suicide. That is far different than what I’m saying. That is not dealing with the pain but succumbing to it. And jumping into something new is no guarantee you feel better, sometimes it makes it worse. You get hurt again & then it’s worse. Facing pain and anxiety gets you through it.. and to the other side where it no longer exists. Being scared & running from it doesn’t make it go away. People use drugs & alcohol & sex to make it go away but it’s still there. To deny it is not dealing with it.

Forgiveness is to give you a way different than anger to move past it. It is not for the jerk who wronged you. Instead of sulking in the poor me mentality, you are able let go of the pain, the anger, the sadness. You’re ready when you’re no longer driven by those things.. because if you are, you just bring it into the new relationship. Everything triggers it. Unless you just want to have a toxic miserable relationship over & over again.

Words. Words. Words.

If I was hurt and you were my therapist and you told me all that - I would leave your office having NO IDEA what am I supposed to do now. What is my next move? Forgive myself? I DONT BLAME MYSELF!

If I was a therapist I would stay away from these pretty meaningless sentences and let them talk.

For however long they want to talk. Then I would tell them ENOUGH of this self pity ass nonsense and told them to understand that this is going to become now their history and they will never going to forget it and it will never get better or go away. And there is going to be no healing and no time will make it go away. They just became a person with another experience from an old job and they have to add to a resume when applying for a new job. And if they going to be sitting on their ass - 'healing' for years - their resume will get outdated, they will forget all they've learned and they just might will make an ass out of themselves again.

click to expand

🙄🙄 I did not say forgive yourself. Whatever.

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by serenidad

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I think the quotes are more about in the long term, when you can’t let go, or are too afraid to let down your walls. In that case, it’s absolutely true. For me, I don’t let them down unless I feel comfortable.. after healing. For example, I was so closed up after divorce, I had to spend time opening up again. It was a process & letting people in when you’re not ready leads to more hurt. So it’s not such a bad thing til you’re ready.

i agree that letting people in when you're not ready leads to more hurt. bringing unhealed pain into your new relationship is like already starting things off on the wrong foot. you're most likely gonna end up taking your frustrations out on the new partner which isn't healthy at all and also wouldn't be fair to the other person...my friend doesn't really take time to heal. a month after he broke up with his last girl (the one that cheated on him), he was already in a relationship with the new girl (the one he just broke up with). he admitted that he moved too fast but he said he needed to at the time 'cause the pain was too much.

I get it. I’ve done it. But in my experience until you slow down & deal with the pain, it will keep affecting you.

How do you 'deal' with pain? I am imagining if you isolate yourself to deal with pain - THE PAIN - is all you'll be thinking about which will produce more pain and anger and whatnot.

Pain will be dealing with YOU! Brutally. With joy. Torturing every cell of your brain.

Deal with pain...a myth.

No actually not. You work through it. Forgiveness not for them, but for yourself & concentrate on you instead of being angry at the world & acting like a victim. You do go & have joy but not in terms of a relationship until you’re ready.

Ignoring the pain just pushes it down & it comes up at the most inconvenient times.. and also you keep repeating the pattern until you deal with it. I’ve done it both ways darling.

'You work trough it' how? These just WORDS! Same stamps like 'take it easy' that means NOTHING! Because you CANT take it easy! You take it hard...

Forgiveness for yourself? WHY? Because you walked in on them fucking? So you shouldn't have? WHY?

And how are you know you are 'ready' for new relationship after staying in place dying from anger and sadness - you are 'ready' after when?

You arent supposed to ignore pain. You supposed to not let it take over and paralyze your brain with hate and fear and thought of suicide etc. You not supposed to sit and marinate in this pain and negativity saying 'i will never date again'...

BS! Of course they do.

It is too bad we are using these made up words and sentences that sound smart but in fact - empty noise. Letters put together. Meaningless. Not helpful. Confusing but prettily sounding. Thats all.

🙄🙄 I am not using made up words, you just don’t understand it. It is okay to grieve. I am not saying to feel sorry for yourself, have hate, anger, act like a victim and contemplate suicide. That is far different than what I’m saying. That is not dealing with the pain but succumbing to it. And jumping into something new is no guarantee you feel better, sometimes it makes it worse. You get hurt again & then it’s worse. Facing pain and anxiety gets you through it.. and to the other side where it no longer exists. Being scared & running from it doesn’t make it go away. People use drugs & alcohol & sex to make it go away but it’s still there. To deny it is not dealing with it.

Forgiveness is to give you a way different than anger to move past it. It is not for the jerk who wronged you. Instead of sulking in the poor me mentality, you are able let go of the pain, the anger, the sadness. You’re ready when you’re no longer driven by those things.. because if you are, you just bring it into the new relationship. Everything triggers it. Unless you just want to have a toxic miserable relationship over & over again.

Words. Words. Words.

If I was hurt and you were my therapist and you told me all that - I would leave your office having NO IDEA what am I supposed to do now. What is my next move? Forgive myself? I DONT BLAME MYSELF!

If I was a therapist I would stay away from these pretty meaningless sentences and let them talk.

For however long they want to talk. Then I would tell them ENOUGH of this self pity ass nonsense and told them to understand that this is going to become now their history and they will never going to forget it and it will never get better or go away. And there is going to be no healing and no time will make it go away. They just became a person with another experience from an old job and they have to add to a resume when applying for a new job. And if they going to be sitting on their ass - 'healing' for years - their resume will get outdated, they will forget all they've learned and they just might will make an ass out of themselves again.

🙄🙄 I did not say forgive yourself. Whatever.

You right. Yoou said

Forgiveness not for them, but for yourself & concentrate on you instead of being angry at the world & acting like a victim.

To which I say TF I will forgive!!! And I AM a victim!!! But what is important is not to act like you forgave them and you arent a victim and world is made of ice cream - NO! The point like I said is to stop feeling sorry for yourself, acknowledge that love isn't guarantee, shit happens and to move on with new lesson learned.

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It’s the same thing, it’s a way to move on. It’s just a different way of thinking about it. It is letting go of your anger so it doesn’t eat at you. Why do you want to be a victim? Fuck that. The point is you are stronger than their bullshit and it doesn’t affect you anymore. So you are able to move on. What does it matter that other people handle things different than you? You can be angry at the world & argue about everything, I’d rather not.

Posted by MonaLisa26

Posted by Truemara

Relationships are over rated

Not overrated at all. Because when its good - its amazing!

Overdramatized is that word.

I don't understand how can people disrespect themselves that seeing somebody clearly doesn't want them - they don't get angry - they cry.

They walking up on their partners fucking other people and they want an...explanation.

They are told - we are done - and their heart braking but they come here and ask 'are they coming back'? Really? why? Because they didnt think break up trough and they will come back? You better be with a new someone WHEN/IF they come back.

Being afraid of a heartbreak is most moronic idea people came up with. Weak people. Bored people. Uneducated people. Suffering from low self esteem people.

The rest of people - you wont find us waiting for a year to 'heal'. How TF do you 'heal' from heartbreak? You dont. Unless it seemed like something worth of having your heart invested in it on a first place.

Grow up. Toughen up. Move onto someone new with lesson learned from the past relationship.

Isolation will drive you into suicide. Over what? Some stupid MTFKER who didnt want you? How stupid would THAT be?

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being afraid of heartbreak might be futile but i think analyzing patterns is important.

like, for example, if someone has a habit of repeating the same old negative patterns in relationships, it might be good to take a break and analyze why that is.

there are in fact a ton of people out here with unresolved issues/trauma bleeding on people who didn't cut them and spreading the hurt and pain. so i think healing is still required for some of these people but i do believe there needs to be a clear purpose and a sense of productiveness in the "healing". 'cause it won't mean anything if it's not productive to you or to others. marinating in pain for many years, being scared of everything isn't ideal, like you said.