Let this marinate

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krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
1. Silence IS a response.

2. You can't love someone out of their demons. No amount of great sex, personality or pleading will make a person change before they're ready.

3. Stop asking yourself why they keep treating you this way & instead ask yourself why YOU keep tolerating it? Most of you haven't healed yet b/c you're too busy over-analyzing everybody else's psychology. Turn the mirror on yourself, study your own psychology & ask yourself the hard questions since you are the only person you can fix & control.

4. If you choose to attach to someone with a lot of baggage, you also choose to deal with ALL the BS that comes with the territory of people like that (poor communication skills, toxic patterns, unhealthy coping mechanisms, insecurities, abuse, etc). Don't choose a lion & it expect it to act like a puppy. Don't choose a lion & then look surprised when it acts like...a lion

5. Allowing your mind to kill off the fantasy of who you thought they were, wish they were or desperately wanted them to be is the hardest part of the breakup process. Once you take off the rose-colored glasses, stop the denial & see a person/situation for who and what it REALLY is, moving on becomes much easier.

6. You are NOT responsible for someone's own choice to abuse or betray you. Their actions/betrayals are a reflection of THEIR character (and what's broken within THEM), NOT YOU. However, tolerating their abuse/infidelity/betrayal enables them to feed into the illusion/delusion that their behavior is your fault or your job to fix. People who have a habit of betraying those closest to them always look for ways to feel less guilty & shameful about their actions. Don't give them a reason to take the responsibility off their self by taking the fall/blame for actions only THEY could control. Being unhappy is not a free pass or justification to betray someone. We all have the choice to walk away & choose not to hurt a person just b/c we're unhappy with them or within ourselves. Steer clear of people who pretend like their only option is to stay & betray you. Many have been just as unhappy & yet chose to walk away without dishonoring themselves or their mates, so stop making excuses for the people who try convincing you that betraying you was the only choice/option they had.

7. When you ignore red flags, you pay for it later.

8. Don't get so caught up trying to be everyone else's best friend, lover, teacher, & therapist that you forgot to be those things for YOURSELF.

9. Real life love is not a Disney movie or fairytale. Chemistry, love, trust & solid foundations take time to build & manifest. Just b/c 1 million sparks don't happen over night doesn't mean it can't turn into something beautiful later. Stop rushing. Let things build naturally.

10. We all have our own built in lie detector & danger-meter within ourselves. Start trusting your gut & instincts more. If they've never steered you wrong before, why do you keep ignoring it now?

11. Don't take advice from people who don't know the whole story or who are purposely left in the dark about the areas YOU made your mistakes in. A person can't give wholesome advice if they're only working with 1/4 of the whole story. Don't be so desperate to have people side with you that you sabotage the advice you get from others by stripping them of knowing what's REALLY going on, on both sides. Even better, keep outsiders out of your business. We all need a fresh perspective sometimes, but some of you are sabotaging your relationships by calling on everybody on the outside of your relationship to fix the issues (or the person) on the INSIDE of the relationship. Stop opening the door wide open for outsiders to walk into your relationship & shake sh*t up. You'll never develop healthy coping mechanisms or problem solving strategies if everybody else always has to clean up your messes for you.

12. Leave the severely broken/damaged folks to the professionals. It is THEIR job to try healing/fixing broken people/things, NOT YOURS. They are qualified to do so, not you. Even therapists have their own therapists. If even the professionals sometimes need therapists to deal with dysfunctional people, then what makes you think you should try doing a job that's even hard for those educated & qualified to do said job?

13. If you have to snoop through phones or constantly ask strangers for advice to validate your feelings/instincts, the relationship is already over. You already know the truth & the answers to your questions deep down so stop asking others to validate what you already know! You do NOT need someone else to validate or agree with your experiences in order for your feelings, instincts & experiences to be valid.

14. Remember, everyone pulls out their representative in the beginning. That's why most people say the honeymoon phase is the best. Only stick with someone who's representative matches who they REALLY are. Otherwise, instead of actually enjoying a healthy relationship with them, you'll spend all your time chasing the ghost of their representative. We all know how the story ends when nonstop chasing becomes the norm in a relationship :/

15. Self love & self-care is really NOT that hard. You just have to wanna be your own best friend, biggest cheerleader & support system as much as you want to be that for everyone else.

16. Be weary of people who attack, berate or criticize you for having boundaries & standards. The people with good intentions & who have YOUR best interests at heart will prefer you have boundaries & standards, not be offended by them. Steer clear of people who are offended by your AUDACITY to have standards. Yes, lil ole YOU has every right to have standards & a backbone! Half the people criticizing you for your standards have their own set of standards they don't feel guilty for (or wouldn't put up with half the sh*t you tolerate) so stop beating up on yourself for your audacity to love yourself enough!

17. What you see is what you get. You can't walk into someone's life & criticize them (& expect them to change for you) just b/c it would be conveinant for you. If you don't like someone's habits, personality or vibes early on, just MOVE ON! You don't have the right to walk into someone's life as a stranger & dictate to them who they should be. You're either compatible or you're not. Don't force it.

18. When you're heartbroken, sit there & endure the pain. Let the tears flow; allow all the pain & dark thoughts to flush out of your system. Suppressing it just stalls your healing. Suppressing it now means an eruption onto yourself or someone ELSE later. There is no painless way to get over a heartbreak. It's best to hurt but then heal now vs. later.

19. Times does NOT necessarily heal all wounds. Problems don't just magically go away just b/c you ignore them, deny them or sweep them under the rug. Problems only go away when you have the courage to address them & then resolve them. Swept under the rug issues just create other/more issues that either manifest in making your current relationship worse or sabotaging any chance of success for future relationships. Do yourself & everybody a favor & STOP RUNNING & deal with your sh*t!

20. Finding someone you're emotionally, spiritually, sexually, mentally, & morally compatible with is NOT as easy as some make it look. Add onto that that even if 2 people are compatible in all those areas, they still need to be emotionally available, ready for love, & just so happen to meet you at the right place at the right time. Stop beating up on yourself b/c others seem to get engaged, get married, create families, etc before you. Some of those relationships/families you envy won't even last or are going through hell behind closed doors. You never know how much failure a person endured before they finally found success. Don't get so caught up in comparing their results to yours that you forget how common it is for most people to struggle to find a genuine, and fully compatible connection/relationship that will actually LAST.

21. People make time for what they wanna make time for. If a person makes time for you it's b/c they want to. If they don't make time for you, it's b/c they didn't want to.

My tips may not apply to everybody or be everybody else's truth. But my hope is that for the people this DOES strike a chord with, that I gave you something to consider & think about. What are some things you know now that you wish you had known in the past—
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Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by virgoOPPP
Posted by bumboklatt
Posted by saggurl88

Why do people think silence is so bad. I go silent all the time. It means nothing.

I think shes a 6th houser or something like that thinks silence is when the demons run amok

interesting...

would you say that's true for virgo energy in general?
click to expand



Probably cause silence and overthinking is never a good thing.
Profile picture of saggurl88
Vacation Queen
@saggurl88
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84
Posted by dilettante
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by dilettante
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by dilettante

dont tell me what to do

Listen to me now and love me, DAMMIT!

i will luv u but i will not listen to u

That is fine! 😋

im eating a p good vegan pasta carbonara. want some? 🍝
click to expand



Damn, sorry I left you hanging. 🥺Half the time I get notifications and half the time I don’t.

I missed out on some food! I would’ve loved some 😔
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krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
Posted by BathHouseCulture

Disagree that silence is a response. Are you in a secure relationship?


I'm happily married, but nice try. Silence IS a response. If a person ignores you, it's for a reason. Just b/c you may not know their exact reasoning doesn't mean there's literally not a reason. Many people reach out to the other person & then when they get no response they say "they won't respond." All I'm saying is that them ignoring you IS a response. It speaks volumes. But hey, if yall wanna keep reaching out to folks that ignore you, be my guest =)
Profile picture of krysrenee7
krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
If someone is ignoring you, it's for a reason. Could there be 1,000 reasons why they're ignoring you? Of course. But there IS always a reason. Just b/c you're not aware of their exact reason doesn't mean the person literally has no reason. If a person blatantly ignores you, then that alone does speak volumes. What kinda volumes it speaks depends on the unique circumstance the 2 are in. But that wasn't my point, as that's a completely different topic. If I'm reaching out to someone & they keep ignoring me, that's not code for "keep reaching out" in my world. I'll take the hint that they don't want to be bothered (response) & keep it moving.
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longafternoonnaps
@virgoOPPP
6 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 5404 · Posts: 10901 · Topics: 288
Posted by bumboklatt
Posted by virgoOPPP
Posted by bumboklatt
Posted by saggurl88

Why do people think silence is so bad. I go silent all the time. It means nothing.

I think shes a 6th houser or something like that thinks silence is when the demons run amok

interesting...

would you say that's true for virgo energy in general?

Ha idk if she is 6th houser but i have noticed that in virgo energy. Its a nervous energy even tho they can be good at hiding it.
click to expand


i always thought it's my first house

but i prefer people who talk more than me and more extroverted than me

coz i like the constant activity, i think this may explain why virgos often end up with aries lol