anhel
@anhel
6 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1 · Topics: 1
Long story, sorry.. Somewhat lazy boyfriend with no personal life driving me insane
You don't seem compatible with him.
You'll end up cheating if you continue. Lol
You'll end up cheating if you continue. Lol
Not compatible at all.
Stop putting time and money into fixing up the studio apartment and find a 1bed or rent a house with roommates.
The issue here is lack of space and privacy, not him or you.
The issue here is lack of space and privacy, not him or you.
You can't get alone time in a studio apartment unless you lock yourself in the bathroom. Thats not his fault, thats the fault of living in a room with four walls.
Also the people who have and will tell you to break things off don't understand the idea of building a future with someone. If you can throw the towel in that easily then it was never gonna last anyways.
Also the people who have and will tell you to break things off don't understand the idea of building a future with someone. If you can throw the towel in that easily then it was never gonna last anyways.
I also find it a little weird your pressuring him to find a hobby.
If he likes staying home, playing video games and watching youtube, well so do most millennial dudes. This wouldn't be an issue if you had a separate living space from the bedroom so that you could both have some privacy and space from each other.
It would be ironic if your next guy goes out and parties every night, is a slob, refuses to clean or cook. You'll be crying reminiscing about this guy thinking to yourself that you didn't know how good you had it till he was gone.
If he likes staying home, playing video games and watching youtube, well so do most millennial dudes. This wouldn't be an issue if you had a separate living space from the bedroom so that you could both have some privacy and space from each other.
It would be ironic if your next guy goes out and parties every night, is a slob, refuses to clean or cook. You'll be crying reminiscing about this guy thinking to yourself that you didn't know how good you had it till he was gone.
Posted by LethalFantasiaPosted by LadyNeptune
You can't get alone time in a studio apartment unless you lock yourself in the bathroom. Thats not his fault, thats the fault of living in a room with four walls.
Also the people who have and will tell you to break things off don't understand the idea of building a future with someone. If you can throw the towel in that easily then it was never gonna last anyways.
You better educate them on what a real relationship is about ~click to expand
He wants to spend time with me? gasp
He cooks and cleans for me? gasp
sounds like a nightmare amiright
If you're having such an issue, go outside. Go to a park, read books in libraries or book stores. You take a bike ride. He's the one comfortable at home.
The fact that you don't like him talking to you is just lol
He's your boyfriend, not your child lol How are you gonna be with him for years to come if his talking is annoying.
He's perfectly fine with his arraignment, you're not, so it's not about him.
The fact that you don't like him talking to you is just lol
He's your boyfriend, not your child lol How are you gonna be with him for years to come if his talking is annoying.
He's perfectly fine with his arraignment, you're not, so it's not about him.
So this is a problem - and he is not being nice about it - calling your requests unreasonable; not doing what he says he understands he needs to do to improve the relationship; he is not listening to your needs and helping to find a solution; he's controlling, immature and needs a kick in the azz.
You are 2 different people that should be working together but because you have forgone your needs to make him happy from day one I suspect, he has the upper hand and is using it against you now. He needs to better understand the dynamics of the relationship. You have a right to be the person you are and not feel guilty because you need more personal space than he does. Not sure that you be the one that needs to inform him since he takes what you say with a grain of salt knowing that you will cave.
Break up with him, let him get his own place and give you your space back to pursue interests other than him. He sounds pretty boring and clingy and needs a life of his own. It will get worse if you continue shoving you down inside your outer shell. Do you want to handle this well or wait for a total blowout.
You are 2 different people that should be working together but because you have forgone your needs to make him happy from day one I suspect, he has the upper hand and is using it against you now. He needs to better understand the dynamics of the relationship. You have a right to be the person you are and not feel guilty because you need more personal space than he does. Not sure that you be the one that needs to inform him since he takes what you say with a grain of salt knowing that you will cave.
Break up with him, let him get his own place and give you your space back to pursue interests other than him. He sounds pretty boring and clingy and needs a life of his own. It will get worse if you continue shoving you down inside your outer shell. Do you want to handle this well or wait for a total blowout.
Posted by LethalFantasiaPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by LethalFantasiaPosted by LadyNeptune
You can't get alone time in a studio apartment unless you lock yourself in the bathroom. Thats not his fault, thats the fault of living in a room with four walls.
Also the people who have and will tell you to break things off don't understand the idea of building a future with someone. If you can throw the towel in that easily then it was never gonna last anyways.
You better educate them on what a real relationship is about ~
He wants to spend time with me? gasp
He cooks and cleans for me? gasp
sounds like a nightmare amiright
LOL I wonder what OP's sign isclick to expand
The studio apartment is a cancer moon.
Get yourself some noise cancelling headphones, tub tray with wine holder, and extension cord for your charger and just lock yourself in the bathroom.
Leave a bucket outside the door he can pee in.
Leave a bucket outside the door he can pee in.
I read "studio apartment" and realized you're an introvert and he is an extrovert. And my immediate reaction was "feels bad man".
Bet if you had a bedroom, life would be a lot more fun for you.
Bet if you had a bedroom, life would be a lot more fun for you.
ooopsie -meant to edit and not quote
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by MoneyTreats
Who needs friends and hobbies
Just lol at those extroverts extroverting
introverts have lives too
This isn't being an introvert
its being anti-social
that's a deeper psychosisclick to expand
He was being sarcastic
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by saggurl88Posted by Black-MambaPosted by MoneyTreats
Who needs friends and hobbies
Just lol at those extroverts extroverting
introverts have lives too
This isn't being an introvert
its being anti-social
that's a deeper psychosis
He was being sarcastic
Actually he wasn't. Ands is neurotically anti extroversionclick to expand
Seriously— I didn't know that.
Learn something new everyday.
Her = Introvert
Him = Extrovert
Since everyone seems to have it wrong.
Him = Extrovert
Since everyone seems to have it wrong.
Posted by _Dazed
Her = Introvert
Him = Extrovert
Since everyone seems to have it wrong.
I think they are both introverts.
Posted by ImpulsvPosted by LadyNeptune
I also find it a little weird your pressuring him to find a hobby.
If he likes staying home, playing video games and watching youtube, well so do most millennial dudes. This wouldn't be an issue if you had a separate living space from the bedroom so that you could both have some privacy and space from each other.
It would be ironic if your next guy goes out and parties every night, is a slob, refuses to clean or cook. You'll be crying reminiscing about this guy thinking to yourself that you didn't know how good you had it till he was gone.
I read n he has a lot of hobbies
Reading , researching , walking
I see nothing wrong with thatclick to expand
Yeah op is projecting. Studio living is hard on 1 person, let alone 2.
I did it for a little over 2 years. Use to catch glimpses of myself in the mirror like this bish wont leave me alone! 😂
Posted by tctaap
So this is a problem - and he is not being nice about it - calling your requests unreasonable; not doing what he says he understands he needs to do to improve the relationship; he is not listening to your needs and helping to find a solution; he's controlling, immature and needs a kick in the azz.
You are 2 different people that should be working together but because you have forgone your needs to make him happy from day one I suspect, he has the upper hand and is using it against you now. He needs to better understand the dynamics of the relationship. You have a right to be the person you are and not feel guilty because you need more personal space than he does. Not sure that you be the one that needs to inform him since he takes what you say with a grain of salt knowing that you will cave.
Break up with him, let him get his own place and give you your space back to pursue interests other than him. He sounds pretty boring and clingy and needs a life of his own. It will get worse if you continue shoving you down inside your outer shell. Do you want to handle this well or wait for a total blowout.
Agree 100% ^
I’ve been in that type of relationship, it’s draining to say the least.
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by saggurl88Posted by Black-MambaPosted by saggurl88Posted by Black-MambaPosted by MoneyTreats
Who needs friends and hobbies
Just lol at those extroverts extroverting
introverts have lives too
This isn't being an introvert
its being anti-social
that's a deeper psychosis
He was being sarcastic
Actually he wasn't. Ands is neurotically anti extroversion
Seriously— I didn't know that.
Learn something new everyday.
He really only has time for his hair and dogclick to expand
lol Food has to be a close 2nd with his sun sign 😆
Posted by UndinePosted by _Dazed
Her = Introvert
Him = Extrovert
Since everyone seems to have it wrong.
I think they are both introverts.click to expand
I am going to disagree. The need to talk and communicate with her about everything, means he more than likely gets his mental energy from talking to her. And his lack of going out, makes her his primary supply for the energy he needs. He recharges directly from talking to her. This is an extrovert characteristic.
An introvert requires alone time to recharge, being around anyone else, even one person, takes energy from them.
Posted by NostalgicCappyyPosted by tctaap
So this is a problem - and he is not being nice about it - calling your requests unreasonable; not doing what he says he understands he needs to do to improve the relationship; he is not listening to your needs and helping to find a solution; he's controlling, immature and needs a kick in the azz.
You are 2 different people that should be working together but because you have forgone your needs to make him happy from day one I suspect, he has the upper hand and is using it against you now. He needs to better understand the dynamics of the relationship. You have a right to be the person you are and not feel guilty because you need more personal space than he does. Not sure that you be the one that needs to inform him since he takes what you say with a grain of salt knowing that you will cave.
Break up with him, let him get his own place and give you your space back to pursue interests other than him. He sounds pretty boring and clingy and needs a life of his own. It will get worse if you continue shoving you down inside your outer shell. Do you want to handle this well or wait for a total blowout.
Agree 100% ^
I’ve been in that type of relationship, it’s draining to say the least.click to expand
lol and you're a Cap Sun lol I'm just a Cap Moon and I wanted to barf reading her piece
Posted by tctaapPosted by NostalgicCappyyPosted by tctaap
So this is a problem - and he is not being nice about it - calling your requests unreasonable; not doing what he says he understands he needs to do to improve the relationship; he is not listening to your needs and helping to find a solution; he's controlling, immature and needs a kick in the azz.
You are 2 different people that should be working together but because you have forgone your needs to make him happy from day one I suspect, he has the upper hand and is using it against you now. He needs to better understand the dynamics of the relationship. You have a right to be the person you are and not feel guilty because you need more personal space than he does. Not sure that you be the one that needs to inform him since he takes what you say with a grain of salt knowing that you will cave.
Break up with him, let him get his own place and give you your space back to pursue interests other than him. He sounds pretty boring and clingy and needs a life of his own. It will get worse if you continue shoving you down inside your outer shell. Do you want to handle this well or wait for a total blowout.
Agree 100% ^
I’ve been in that type of relationship, it’s draining to say the least.
lol and you're a Cap Sun lol I'm just a Cap Moon and I wanted to barf reading her piececlick to expand
I know, when I read your comment, I saw that Cap Moon of yours right away. Love it
Yes, I was feeling claustrophobic just reading it.
Poor boyfriend. Getting all this slack for loving his girl! This is why we can't have nice things!
Posted by Black-MambaPosted by saggurl88
Poor boyfriend. Getting all this slack for loving his girl! This is why we can't have nice things!
nobody wants a clingy fuk, we all want a man doing man things
click to expand
lol@ doing man things.
I don't mind a clingy guy. I can always just leave and get the space that I want. And I actually love listening to my guy talk about his day, if it's something interesting.
How is she trying to force him into stuff that he's not interested in? Poor guy.
Yikes! A clingy man? Yuck! LOL
Obviously your mistake was having him move in with you. How do you undo this? You have to be honest. He needs to move his ass back on out. That clingy-ness is a sure way to completely ruin a relationship. I feel so bad for you but put your foot down and get him out of there. No idea why he doesn't understand the fact that you need space. That's basic understanding.
Obviously your mistake was having him move in with you. How do you undo this? You have to be honest. He needs to move his ass back on out. That clingy-ness is a sure way to completely ruin a relationship. I feel so bad for you but put your foot down and get him out of there. No idea why he doesn't understand the fact that you need space. That's basic understanding.
from my psych course, i learned that its probably better to live apart before getting married. you're boyfriend and girlfriend, if you see each other all the time, then it kills the excitement
Posted by Phantom_LimboPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by ImpulsvPosted by LadyNeptune
I also find it a little weird your pressuring him to find a hobby.
If he likes staying home, playing video games and watching youtube, well so do most millennial dudes. This wouldn't be an issue if you had a separate living space from the bedroom so that you could both have some privacy and space from each other.
It would be ironic if your next guy goes out and parties every night, is a slob, refuses to clean or cook. You'll be crying reminiscing about this guy thinking to yourself that you didn't know how good you had it till he was gone.
I read n he has a lot of hobbies
Reading , researching , walking
I see nothing wrong with that
Yeah op is projecting. Studio living is hard on 1 person, let alone 2.
I did it for a little over 2 years. Use to catch glimpses of myself in the mirror like this bish wont leave me alone! 😂
Projection is what I was thinking. It was one of the underlying issues in my case.click to expand
If they had another 300sf of living space and 2 more walls her whole rant would be a non issue.
To the op if you ever come back...does he have a demanding stressful job?
Posted by leooox
from my psych course, i learned that its probably better to live apart before getting married. you're boyfriend and girlfriend, if you see each other all the time, then it kills the excitement
So just readying between the lines here but get married and continue to live apart to keep the excitement breathing.
You have a boyfriend who wants to spend all his time with you?? Wow I feel so sorry for you lmao #troll
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by leooox
from my psych course, i learned that its probably better to live apart before getting married. you're boyfriend and girlfriend, if you see each other all the time, then it kills the excitement
So just readying between the lines here but get married and continue to live apart to keep the excitement breathing.click to expand
but in my opinion when you're married, then there is probably more commitment and know what the person is like for a longer time. then boyfriend and girlfriend, when you're still getting to know each other
He could be an Aqua sun. lmao
Posted by _Dazed
Her = Introvert
Him = Extrovert
Since everyone seems to have it wrong.
Because he can spend a lot of emotional energy and she can’t cause she’s probably afraid of getting too close to someone ya I see that too
Posted by Hapis
I'd like to preface this by saying I didnt read a damn thing you wrote except the title..
That said - buy a puppy.. thank me later.
True they take up so much time lol
Posted by ImpulsvPosted by LadyNeptune
To the op if you ever come back...does he have a demanding stressful job?
Yeah thats leaves one with no energy to do much
Why I chillclick to expand
Yeah same. I just put in almost 12 hours. Ready for the weekend.
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TLDR: Boyfriend has no hobbies and friends and I get no much-needed alone time at home; driving my crazy; do not know how to approach him or how to accept it.
I'm living with my boyfriend for the past 8 months and I get more and more annoyed by him and I do not know what to do. Were together a year before moving in together. He is a nice guy really, loves me, cares for me, is sweet and affectionate, knows so much stuff and likes to go out and do stuff (only with me), cooks (I hate cooking, btw) and helps to clean in the apartment etc. However, what worries me is his lack of any social life and hobbies, which put a massive pressure on me. I have a hobby which involves 2 classes per week plus some occasional performances (some times twice per month, sometimes none for three-four months). I have some friend groups, but I do not see them often, on average once per month or two, because they are either busy and we struggle finding a time to all meet up together and some of them live far away (2-4 hours drive). But we keep contact via messenger and phone calls also. So, I'm not the most socially active person also, but still have my things to do. I also like to read, shopping, doing DIY projects at home sometimes, I also have to and like to practice my hobby at home and most of all - I also like to just be alone at home, just relaxing, having no human contact, just being quiet by myself (kind of introvert, I like to spend some time with people, but then I really need to recharge alone). Basically I rarely get bored by myself.
However, my boyfriend does not socialize with his few friends (he used to, but as I understand none of them have time etc, but to be honest, he does not put much of effort in pursuing his friends also). He also has no hobbies basically beside watching youtube, reading articles on the web, watching TV. He used to like photographing and has a good camera but he never uses it; he likes to ride a bike and has a good bike, but he never uses it; he is pretty handy and is able to do home repairs, some DIY projects at home for example, but he rarely does any and if something needs to be done, I have to constantly remind him. He likes to go out and do stuff (walk around, go to movies or theatre, eat out, go to museums, events etc), but only with me. He has noone else to go with and he won't go alone. He is not interested in finding a regular hobby (for example, he really likes and has years ago played volleyball, but he is not up to joining any clubs anymore).
At first, our issues revolved around the fact that according to him I had so much other things to do and I did not have enough time for him, even when we would not see each other 1-2 nights per week. He felt I did not prioritize our relationship, because I wanted to do my hobby and meat my friends when I had the opportunity (as explained, it is difficult to find the times to meet up with them). He said he could not continue like this. So I proposed we move in together, thinking it would solve the issue so that he could see me every morning and every night etc and he would not feel so alone or whatever. I also gave it a try to reduce my hobby hours to one time per week. This was awful for me and I decided to continue two times per week. We have had lots of discussions and he is now on terms with me doing my hobby and meeting my friends, but I cannot take all the performance opportunities because then he feels I do not spend enough time with him. He says he cannot wait the weekend to come, because then he can spend time with me and it breaks his heart when I have a performance during weekend etc. We have found some kind of balance now, but it bugs me still.
My new issue is that now I cannot get any alone time at the apartment, which I so much need. We live in a studio apartment (no separate bedroom, just open kitchen-livingroom-bedroom). It is my personal apartment, we decided to move in here because it was cheaper, less hassle etc. I discussed it with him prior moving in together, that I would need some privacy, he was rather on board, saying he can always go to a pub by himself etc. He has not done it and I feel bad kicking him out of his home. We have had a few discussions regarding it. I even asked him to get an hour of "quiet time" during some days a week, meaning that we are home together and everything, but we won't talk to each other. I asked it because he constantly needs to talk, everything he sees or thinks, he must show it to me, comment it right away etc. It is too much for me. Even if I read or do my own thing, he constantly disturbs me. He has even been offended if I tell him that I will finish it and then concentrate on him (it has improved a bit now, he sometimes asks if he can talk if he sees that I'm reading for example). Initially, regarding the "quiet time", he said it is the most unreasonable idea he has ever heard of - not being able to talk to each other at home. But eventually was willing to give it a try. But it felt so tremendously unnatural and uncomfortable for me to tell him that "let's take the quiet hour now" that I could not do it after a few times. So it went on and it went so far that I even broke up with him for a week. He pursued me back, saying he will look up a hobby, he will offer to give me some privacy, he will go shopping by himself or ride a bike and so on. This was two months ago. Since then, nothing has changed. He tried to sign up for a hobby, but when the club did not give the exact start date or information anymore (which they promised to do), he did not bother to ask them to get this information and so he did not start the hobby. He has mentioned a couple of times that he should go ride a bike, but has not done it. I feel so bad, I cannot just kick him out. But on the other hand, I have told him it is what I need and he has agreed with it, but it feels so lonely if he shows no initiative.
Also, while he is good at home regarding cooking and cleaning, he lacks any initiative regarding bigger projects where I really could use his help (e.g. improving our balcony and bathroom). We have discussed and made some plans, he has told me he will do this and that. But he never does. And again I have to remind him, wait for him etc. I can sense that he would rather go out for a walk than do these things at home. While for me, these things are really important. Whenever I discuss these things, it feels like I pressure him and he says even that I am impatient and planning and thinking takes time. But weeks of planning for a little paint on balcony wall?
To me it actually feels like he has no other interest in his life than me and he wants to do everything with me and if I do other things, he just spends some time on youtube or computer game until I'm finished so he can again start talking to me and wander around the city with me. And it actually gets boring. Like we live in a vacuum - just me and him and me hearing all the things he has read on the internet and discovering everything together. Instead of discover some things separately and then sharing our experiences etc. I'd also like to support his dreams and aspirations and see a sparkle in his eyes when he achieves something. His only aspiration is me and I feel I constantly let him down for not being there to fill in his time or getting exhausted by him.
I'm so clueless how to proceed. I like so many things about him, how caring and good he is, how inetersting it is to go to so many different events and places with him, how he is always available for me etc, but his constant availability drives me insane. I understand that we are just different and I actually value his homeboyness, but it is toooo much. I'm actually thinking about ending the relationship once and for all, but something keeps me back, I'd like to try more. And I feel tremendously sorry for him if we break up. But I do not know how, what to do. I actually feel like I am a bad person for wanting to have a hobby, meet my friends occassionally and on top of that, wanting some alone time at my home also.