No Contact

Those of you who have gone no contact, how do you deal with the guilt? Especially if you know that person is at a potential for self harm?

I just feel like I have abandoned him, but I couldn’t stand to be continuously devalued. I got tired of all of my accomplishments being downplayed. I got tired of all of my feelings never being taken seriously. And most of all I got tired of being told I was overreacting, or that I was twisting his words. I was sick of the overly sensitive reactions to simple conversations, but oddly enough I do miss him and I do feel guilty.

How do I stop ?

Posted by GenerousLeeb

You talking about that cancer?

No I haven’t dated a cancer not in years im talking about a Taurus.

It is YOU at risk of considerable harm, if you keep entertaining someone who devalues, disrespects and gaslights you!

Posted by Undine

It is YOU at risk of considerable harm, if you keep entertaining someone who devalues, disrespects and gaslights you!

Thanks I’ll try to remember that.

They won't end up self-harming, don't worry. It's a mechanism they use to emotionally manipulate you into not leaving them. It's not your responsibility how they'll be coping with the rest of their life. You need to focus on yourself and truly believe you deserve better in order to actually attract better.

Posted by Ixi

Posted by ladylibra21

Those of you who have gone no contact, how do you deal with the guilt? Especially if you know that person is at a potential for self harm?

I just feel like I have abandoned him, but I couldn’t stand to be continuously devalued. I got tired of all of my accomplishments being downplayed. I got tired of all of my feelings never being taken seriously. And most of all I got tired of being told I was overreacting, or that I was twisting his words. I was sick of the overly sensitive reactions to simple conversations, but oddly enough I do miss him and I do feel guilty.

How do I stop ?

From just a cursory glance it sounds like you're dealing with someone who is on the cluster B spectrum. Specifically my unprofessional but experienced guess is BPD with the self harm thing. If you have had to go NC then I suggest you search for resources online as to how to do so.

r/BPDSOFFA on Reddit is a good place to get some perspective... there are also tons of psychological websites that advise nons as to how to end a relationship with someone in general and someone who is in fact BPD.

click to expand

Honestly I’d really do feel like he has BPD I did some research on it this summer when he said it during an argument but then two days later when we were discussing the argument and he wanted to kind of sweep it under the rug I mentioned it and I told him I did some research and that he didn’t have to be ashamed about it and he said oh that was just something I said I don’t have that. I definitely feel like he has some covert narcissistic ways heavily but I still can’t figure out if he has BPD because I don’t know if he was lying or joking. I guess I just feel bad because I know that I was the only one pushing him to get help everyone else is enabling him.

Posted by Ixi

I will also say that if he has a history of self harming you do need to take threats of suicide and serious self harm seriously. If it is undiagnosed BPD the threat is real.

Taking it seriously doesn't mean you should stay if he is actively harming your mental health but it does mean you need to handle the split with care and caution.

FFS Ixi, she's not his therapist! She's just his ex! Leave the woman alone.

Hobbies hobbies hobbies

I wouldn’t let someone guilt trip you into being in their energy

Tell his mom on him and cut contact without the guilt.