Opinion: Not exclusive but he/she slept with someone else.

How would you feel if you were dating someone but found out later on in the relationship that he/she slept with someone else before you were "exclusive"?

I personally would have serious reservations about moving forward with the relationship but my perception may be skewed.

You are dating. What’s the big deal? You weren’t exclusive. How can you expect exclusivity when you are in the dating faze, with out having a chat about it.

Edited to add, I understand though cause if I find out about it, they get back burnered. Lol. But I will have the talk about who else they are having sex with. If it’s open, it remains open and goes no where.

Posted by Aria1

How would you feel if you were dating someone but found out later on in the relationship that he/she slept with someone else before you were "exclusive"?

I personally would have serious reservations about moving forward with the relationship but my perception may be skewed.

They had options and they choose me. Honestly I would feel more confident about the relationship and their feelings. Logically It would reduce the chance they are settling with me and increases the chances they are with me for the right reasons.

So I'm ok with that.

Why do you feel/think this way and have reservations?

Posted by PhoenixStorm

This is why I don’t hump unless I’m exclusive.

(Because I would not be ok with it lol) I don’t like to share.

Me too

Wouldn't feel a thing. We weren't exclusive.

He/she slept with someone before you met. Before your first date. Before your second date. He/she slept with people before you. They had a sexual past.

If a woman cheated on my when we were exclusive, I might be less likely to give the a second chance (not saying I would give them a chance) if she slept with someone when we were dating right before we were exclusive. I guess what I mean is that I would way this against other things.

If your boyfriend slept with someone before you were exclusive and treated you respectfully at all times and gave you no reason to think they were unfaithful currently then really what's the problem.

I don't think it's black or white. It's all relative here.

If was dating a woman for a while and things were moving really well and I met each others' friends, and started talking about the future, but perhaps never had the "exclusive" conversation, and then I found out that she slept with her ex right before she brought up the exclusive conversation, perhaps I might be wary of her maturity or mindset.

Bottom line though, is you're not exclusive, you're technically allowed to see other people, and this includes sleeping with them. I would hope that my significant other wasn't trying to sleep around with everyone while we were dating before exclusivity though. Context is important.

I don’t fuck unless sexual exclusivity is on the table anyways. Or I don’t see a repeat there.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Aria1

How would you feel if you were dating someone but found out later on in the relationship that he/she slept with someone else before you were "exclusive"?

I personally would have serious reservations about moving forward with the relationship but my perception may be skewed.

They had options and they choose me. Honestly I would feel more confident about the relationship and their feelings. Logically It would reduce the chance they are settling with me and increases the chances they are with me for the right reasons.

So I'm ok with that.

Why do you feel/think this way and have reservations?

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I was reading an article about it that's why I asked:

https://www.bolde.com/opinion-unless-youve-agreed-exclusive-isnt-cheating/

I don't have an answer for why I would have reservations (just yet). Still trying to mentally work that out.

In today's day and age it seems it's super important to have these conversations early on.

Posted by Aria1

How would you feel if you were dating someone but found out later on in the relationship that he/she slept with someone else before you were "exclusive"?

I personally would have serious reservations about moving forward with the relationship but my perception may be skewed.

Disappointed & turned off. If I'm being honest.

Exclusive or not I'd hope he'd be interested in me enough that he wouldn't be fking other women as he's getting to know me better. I just find that... Icky? Gross? Insincere somehow?

I'm old fashioned, I still have high standards for dating... Regardless we're in 2020 or not.

Dating is to relationships what engagement is to marriage. IMO.

I'd probably keep her around for booty calls but keep looking for greener pastures. After all we're "only dating", lol.

Posted by Basorexia

Posted by Aria1

How would you feel if you were dating someone but found out later on in the relationship that he/she slept with someone else before you were "exclusive"?

I personally would have serious reservations about moving forward with the relationship but my perception may be skewed.

Disappointed & turned off. If I'm being honest.

Exclusive or not I'd hope he'd be interested in me enough that he wouldn't be fking other women as he's getting to know me better. I just find that... Icky? Gross? Insincere somehow?

I'm old fashioned, I still have high standards for dating... Regardless we're in 2020 or not.

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Same. Some of the people that spread themselves and their energy too thin don't usually have much of an identity or really stand for anything other than which way the wind blows.

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by Gobby

I really don't get this bullshit exclusive concept you have in the US. In Europe, when you date, unless you state otherwise, you're exclusive.

You Americans always complicating things. LOL!

Lol....I just said the same thing, but I’m also an American (from US)

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I thought you said the opposite thing....?

" I’m courted by several people and have several love experiences/ stories in development.... but I see it all in good fun. I’m not exclusive with anyone..."

If we aren't exclusive then its none of my business, what you do and its none of your business, what I do.

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by Undine

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by Gobby

I really don't get this bullshit exclusive concept you have in the US. In Europe, when you date, unless you state otherwise, you're exclusive.

You Americans always complicating things. LOL!

Lol....I just said the same thing, but I’m also an American (from US)

I thought you said the opposite thing....?

" I’m courted by several people and have several love experiences/ stories in development.... but I see it all in good fun. I’m not exclusive with anyone..."

Lol... I might have been confusing.

Dating in the US is this grey area that doesn’t really require commitment, but many that do it, give an impression that commitment is on the way and when the impression is given, some go as far as getting sexual and still keeping it in the grey without commitment. They give each other presents on special occasions and there might be behaviors by one party or both that mimic that of a relationship. They hold hands... act like a couple when it conveniences them... but remains in the grey.

I don’t do any of that before real commitment.

Courting is different for me. It’s just flirting and bringing people towards you... very beginning stages where energies are heightened. Meeting up, but could be in groups... and it’s the dance... before anything serious is said or done. Many times they can catch feelings... but if nothing is said, it just remains at that stage. I let it stay. It’s only until things are said that things become crystal clear...

Some people just like flirting and it’s a type of friendship and dynamic you have with that person. It isn’t meant to go anywhere. Just remains light and fun.

I hope I explained myself well. I’m sure these are just my own rules. But, I feel my ways to have been very similar to the French.

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What you describe as "courting", reminds me of the normal student life (at least the one back home in Eastern Europe). However, student time is a very short part of our life. Yes, we were very young, there was plenty of choice, freedom, fun, and other priorities. The problem with carrying this way of life forever, is that you become the odd one out, once you hit your.....I don't know....your 30es, 40es?

Another observation: commitment and exclusivity are not synonyms. Exclusivity refers to dating/courting/sleeping with only one person. It could end tomorrow. Commitment means so much more: that you are doing everything is required to preserve your exclusivity/unity/relationship for now and for the future....

probably be upset and interrogate her/put her through hell for a couple hours (something like those Amber Heard/Johnny Depp tapes), then get over it/forget about it in a week or two if the connection and the sex is good....

It’s like a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell policy’ in the beginning of dating. I think so many people would be really disappointed to find out how many potential suitors have sex with others early on in the dating phase. Unless they made an agreement with you that the two of you are exclusive, not dating or having sex with others, I usually expect it. This person had lovers and a life before you so I really don’t see what’s the big deal. But I know my opinion is in the minority.

I joined a dating site and get a fair share of responses. Even on that level, I will only communicate with one person at a time. I feel that juggling more would be spreading myself too thin and no one wins. I give them a fair chance by giving my undivided attention. However, once it goes south, the opportunity is lost forever. I make this clear up front.

I take note of those that are online for a couple hours and I can say that almost every man is communicating with numerous women at the same time. If I respond to their message and see that they take their time getting back to me, they get bumped off. My inbox on that site has many who wanted to reignite the conversation but hit the brick wall. I do get a certain satisfaction from shunning them at that point that is probably inducing some bad karma..

Posted by bumboklatt

Posted by xXxAliiciaXxX

If the two of you were close while you were dating and he was acting like he was your boyfriend I can understand why that would bother you even though you weren't technically official yet.

That's player type behavior. Men know what they're doing when they do that.

Yeah OP feels that way cause she knows deep down something is wrong. Emotions are not that simple

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My thread doesn't apply to my current situation - it was just a general question I wanted opinions on.

But I agree, emotions are not that simple. Hypothetically, if I was dating someone and learned they had slept with someone else early on in our relationship I don't think I would be able to continue with the relationship.

Since I am a Scorpio, with a certain degree of self entitlement and ownership mentality, when it comes to dating, this would be a resounding no/flag for me. It would put me off to know someone wasn't as invested as I and , would ultimately lead to the demise of said situationship sadly.

Next... 🐾🦂🤔

I would be in pure outrage. So much I would actually act stupid and pretend I don't know. I would do this long enough to get every last card out of their favor, and leave them with nothing more then being purely the fucked up person in the eyes of the public, and their personal family in general. Then I would cut off all ties while still manipultin their lives in any way possible from a distance for the rest of our lives.

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by Aqua-Marine

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by Undine

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by Gobby

I really don't get this bullshit exclusive concept you have in the US. In Europe, when you date, unless you state otherwise, you're exclusive.

You Americans always complicating things. LOL!

Lol....I just said the same thing, but I’m also an American (from US)

I thought you said the opposite thing....?

" I’m courted by several people and have several love experiences/ stories in development.... but I see it all in good fun. I’m not exclusive with anyone..."

Lol... I might have been confusing.

Dating in the US is this grey area that doesn’t really require commitment, but many that do it, give an impression that commitment is on the way and when the impression is given, some go as far as getting sexual and still keeping it in the grey without commitment. They give each other presents on special occasions and there might be behaviors by one party or both that mimic that of a relationship. They hold hands... act like a couple when it conveniences them... but remains in the grey.

I don’t do any of that before real commitment.

Courting is different for me. It’s just flirting and bringing people towards you... very beginning stages where energies are heightened. Meeting up, but could be in groups... and it’s the dance... before anything serious is said or done. Many times they can catch feelings... but if nothing is said, it just remains at that stage. I let it stay. It’s only until things are said that things become crystal clear...

Some people just like flirting and it’s a type of friendship and dynamic you have with that person. It isn’t meant to go anywhere. Just remains light and fun.

I hope I explained myself well. I’m sure these are just my own rules. But, I feel my ways to have been very similar to the French.

Woah why does dating sound so complicated 😓I thought you find someone you are attracted to and like, go on a date a couple times then you are boyfriend and girlfriend until it works out or doesn't and if it works out you get married or live together happy ever after and the end (unless you divorce). I thought people only saw one person at a time. Maybe I'll stay single! LOL

You sound very rule-oriented. I’m sure there are many guys that feel the same as you, so... no need to stay single or feel overwhelmed. Just communicate your needs right away, if that is what you need in order to find out if that person of interest “plays” by your rules... it will also ensure you don’t waste your time. I’m sure many guys would love and appreciate that!

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I agree with this...set a boundary line from the start. No sharing .... one at a time please.

Posted by Soul

I would be in pure outrage. So much I would actually act stupid and pretend I don't know. I would do this long enough to get every last card out of their favor, and leave them with nothing more then being purely the fucked up person in the eyes of the public, and their personal family in general. Then I would cut off all ties while still manipultin their lives in any way possible from a distance for the rest of our lives.

I can see your ♏️🌝 Soul

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Soul

I would be in pure outrage. So much I would actually act stupid and pretend I don't know. I would do this long enough to get every last card out of their favor, and leave them with nothing more then being purely the fucked up person in the eyes of the public, and their personal family in general. Then I would cut off all ties while still manipultin their lives in any way possible from a distance for the rest of our lives.

I can see your ♏️🌝 Soul

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I will say if I rush into something with another person and it doesn't work I'll completely understand and move on. Its when people try to act like they desperately need me, or like they are doing me a favor then fuck me over in the end. That makes me feel outraged, and like I made a true enemy. Like don't pretend like you need me, or like I'm an amazing person then fuck around with other people. That's flip all our worlds upside-down kind of shit.

Posted by Soul

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Soul

I would be in pure outrage. So much I would actually act stupid and pretend I don't know. I would do this long enough to get every last card out of their favor, and leave them with nothing more then being purely the fucked up person in the eyes of the public, and their personal family in general. Then I would cut off all ties while still manipultin their lives in any way possible from a distance for the rest of our lives.

I can see your ♏️🌝 Soul

I will say if I rush into something with another person and it doesn't work I'll completely understand and move on. Its when people try to act like they desperately need me, or like they are doing me a favor then fuck me over in the end. That makes me feel outraged, and like I made a true enemy. Like don't pretend like you need me, or like I'm an amazing person then fuck around with other people. That's flip all our worlds upside-down kind of shit.

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I get that

Did you experience it often? Hope not 😕

Posted by Aliensusedourbogroll

I think it’s really unfair to expect others to be on the same page as you if you don’t honestly communicate with each other.

True...

Maybe it should be communicated early on somethings along the lines of:

"I prefer not to sleep with more than one person while dating and I'd like to find someone that shares the same view."

I've known women who are so desperate to keep a man, they'll agree to be in any kind of arrangement, even if it's to their own detriment

😬