Pink Bird
@pinkbird03
9 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 975 · Posts: 5791 · Topics: 44
Relationship Help‼️❤️
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Posted by ImpulsvYea, that's true. I'll try it, but it's hard not to think of his good qualities! Honestly, I have trouble finding men I like. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Don't think he's a good catch
U don't know them yet so take that pressure off
Posted by starwarsI find dating uncomfortable. Like going to an interview.
planning to get a guy/keep a guy is just not fun
you do you have fun relationship-ing and see what happens
I mean I do have fun, but I think too much and I worry too much because it never works out. I think I've been single too long. Im definitely good at being single! I'm way more confident single.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
Posted by starwarsShut UP!
planning to get a guy/keep a guy is just not fun
you do you have fun relationship-ing and see what happens
Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
Posted by DickButtWell that's hard with online dating. It's not a natural setting to begin with.
Just let things happen organically.
Posted by starwarsGood one...would be if you didn't failed!Posted by Gemitatisays the geminiPosted by starwarsShut UP!
planning to get a guy/keep a guy is just not fun
you do you have fun relationship-ing and see what happens
click to expand
Yep! Gemini said shut up because I NEED TO TALL NOT LOSTEN TO YOUR CRAP!
I NEED YOU LISTEN TO MINE!
Don't overthink. It's hard for us moonclaws not to overthink every date and "signal", but it's so toxic. I've seen that with myself.
Does anyone think I should keep the chase going? I mean I do have a clingy side when I feel comfortable with someone. He's not overly clingy, but he does initiate often. Sometimes he just likes to "check in"
Posted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
click to expand
It's usually means $ $ $ $
Best way to lock a guy down is to be confident and yourself and, most importantly, don't do too much at the beginning.
This means don't travel to him, don't drop plans for him, don't ever pay his way. If he's serious about courting you then give him his moment in the spotlight.
If he likes you he'll be sweating that someone else is gonna swoop you up and he'll hustle to make you his.
This means don't travel to him, don't drop plans for him, don't ever pay his way. If he's serious about courting you then give him his moment in the spotlight.
If he likes you he'll be sweating that someone else is gonna swoop you up and he'll hustle to make you his.
Also don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Posted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
click to expand
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?
Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $click to expand
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
Girlfriend, i feel you! I have the same crap going on for me, i meet so many guys and so little i actually connect with, so when that happens I feel like they could be the one and i end up hearing one excuse or the other, depending if we hooked up or not.
My suggestion is taking things slow, because there's definitely heaps of guys out there who just want to fool around and when they get it they don't want anything serious. At least if it doesn't work you get to keep your dignity.
Apart from that, be yourself but also remember men are predators and both men and women like a bit of mystery and to be kept on our toes. Show your confidence and your happiness towards life, enjoy things with and without him, don't wait on him but be a great independent companion when you are together.
As all the others said too - relax.. don't put pressure on yourself and have high expectations, try and go with the flow and think of him as a friend a bit more. Friends are the ones that you can be yourself with and have an easy time around. Effortless.
Good luck!!!!!
My suggestion is taking things slow, because there's definitely heaps of guys out there who just want to fool around and when they get it they don't want anything serious. At least if it doesn't work you get to keep your dignity.
Apart from that, be yourself but also remember men are predators and both men and women like a bit of mystery and to be kept on our toes. Show your confidence and your happiness towards life, enjoy things with and without him, don't wait on him but be a great independent companion when you are together.
As all the others said too - relax.. don't put pressure on yourself and have high expectations, try and go with the flow and think of him as a friend a bit more. Friends are the ones that you can be yourself with and have an easy time around. Effortless.
Good luck!!!!!
Posted by LadyNeptuneYea, he's been courting a little bit. At the end of the first date, he asked for another one. So I think he's interested. And before that, I canceled our first scheduled date because something came up at work. He asked me out again, I said yes but didn't follow through. He asked me to skype. Again I said yes, but didn't. Got a random text asking if we were ever going to meet! Said yes, but didn't for over two weeks. Sooo I don't think I did much at all in the beginning. When is the beginning over—?
Best way to lock a guy down is to be confident and yourself and, most importantly, don't do too much at the beginning.
This means don't travel to him, don't drop plans for him, don't ever pay his way. If he's serious about courting you then give him his moment in the spotlight.
If he likes you he'll be sweating that someone else is gonna swoop you up and he'll hustle to make you his.
Posted by DickButtHmm I think I forgot that men are adults ?Posted by pinkbird03It is though in this day and age. It's still a dating paradigm. You may not see the person but you are still developing a bond through conversation which i feel is a stronger means because you aren't privy to have all of the elements of dating available. It may not seem natural to you because you may be used to in person encounters but online has become the norm for many people. And in terms of organic that's supposed to mean do as you as would do in any other "getting to know" potential courting phase. Just be yourself have fun and communicate. Be forthright in what you expect and need and observe the fact that you two are able to communicate like adults, and not be involved in a game of sorts.Posted by DickButtWell that's hard with online dating. It's not a natural setting to begin with.
Just let things happen organically.click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03I said I'm case he is asking...Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
click to expand
Don't! Usually it's for the flight to see you because his bank account got hijacked or he just paid for brother sex change surgery...you know?
Posted by Gemsgem
Girlfriend, i feel you! I have the same crap going on for me, i meet so many guys and so little i actually connect with, so when that happens I feel like they could be the one and i end up hearing one excuse or the other, depending if we hooked up or not.
My suggestion is taking things slow, because there's definitely heaps of guys out there who just want to fool around and when they get it they don't want anything serious. At least if it doesn't work you get to keep your dignity.
Apart from that, be yourself but also remember men are predators and both men and women like a bit of mystery and to be kept on our toes. Show your confidence and your happiness towards life, enjoy things with and without him, don't wait on him but be a great independent companion when you are together.
As all the others said too - relax.. don't put pressure on yourself and have high expectations, try and go with the flow and think of him as a friend a bit more. Friends are the ones that you can be yourself with and have an easy time around. Effortless.
Good luck!!!!!
Posted by starwarsI thought your glasses are old and you need larger print!Posted by Gemitatistop yellingPosted by starwarsGood one...would be if you didn't failed!Posted by Gemitatisays the geminiPosted by starwarsShut UP!
planning to get a guy/keep a guy is just not fun
you do you have fun relationship-ing and see what happens
Yep! Gemini said shut up because I NEED TO TALL NOT LOSTEN TO YOUR CRAP!
I NEED YOU LISTEN TO MINE!click to expand
And don't you think it's stupid to say people YELLING when you can't even see and hear them?
@gemsgem
Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely not hooking up with this one unless we are in a relationship. He knows this and says he's happy to hear that from me. Or so he says lol Besides I feel like guys who have sex before they are in love never stay in the relationship lofng term. So my current belief is to wait.
Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely not hooking up with this one unless we are in a relationship. He knows this and says he's happy to hear that from me. Or so he says lol Besides I feel like guys who have sex before they are in love never stay in the relationship lofng term. So my current belief is to wait.
Posted by Gemitatilol I'm happy he lives only 20 minutes away!!Posted by pinkbird03I said I'm case he is asking...Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
Don't! Usually it's for the flight to see you because his bank account got hijacked or he just paid for brother sex change surgery...you know?click to expand
I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!
Posted by pinkbird03Breath of fresh air!Posted by Gemitatilol I'm happy he lives only 20 minutes away!!Posted by pinkbird03I said I'm case he is asking...Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
Don't! Usually it's for the flight to see you because his bank account got hijacked or he just paid for brother sex change surgery...you know?
I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!click to expand
What is wrong than!
Posted by starwarsI wear glasses since 9 y/old!Posted by Gemitatii have 10/10 vision im not your agePosted by starwarsI thought your glasses are old and you need larger print!Posted by Gemitatistop yellingPosted by starwarsGood one...would be if you didn't failed!Posted by Gemitatisays the geminiPosted by starwarsShut UP!
planning to get a guy/keep a guy is just not fun
you do you have fun relationship-ing and see what happens
Yep! Gemini said shut up because I NEED TO TALL NOT LOSTEN TO YOUR CRAP!
I NEED YOU LISTEN TO MINE!
And don't you think it's stupid to say people YELLING when you can't even see and hear them?
...
sorry to be the bearer of bad news but
our beef no longer exist in 2017
it become a routine and now im looking for a way out
so ? ?♀️?
click to expand
Are you really dense or pretending?
Posted by starwarsIf that cross was silver I would think you silver taped your mouth...or hands!Posted by Gemitatitimes up cuz gemini ❌Posted by starwarsI wear glasses since 9 y/old!Posted by Gemitatii have 10/10 vision im not your agePosted by starwarsI thought your glasses are old and you need larger print!Posted by Gemitatistop yellingPosted by starwarsGood one...would be if you didn't failed!Posted by Gemitatisays the geminiPosted by starwarsShut UP!
planning to get a guy/keep a guy is just not fun
you do you have fun relationship-ing and see what happens
Yep! Gemini said shut up because I NEED TO TALL NOT LOSTEN TO YOUR CRAP!
I NEED YOU LISTEN TO MINE!
And don't you think it's stupid to say people YELLING when you can't even see and hear them?
...
sorry to be the bearer of bad news but
our beef no longer exist in 2017
it become a routine and now im looking for a way out
so ? ?♀️?
Are you really dense or pretending?
click to expand
But it's RED!!!!
Are you a nurse God forbidd! ?
This a pretty common issue, so don't feel like you're alone. You probably act differently around the guys you really like verses the ones you don't. Some women may become shy and impossible to read, while other women become SUPER clingy and emotional. Make a conscious effort to stop doing this and try to find the middle ground. Basically treat all guys the same until they show their true colors.
Also use dating to your advantage. It's a good way to qualify someone to see if they fit in your life. You should be "interviewing" the other person as much as they are interviewing you. You've met this guy online and have only seen him twice in person. There's still WAY more to uncover. Don't let your sudden infatuation block your rational thought process. You still barely know this human.
Also figure out exactly what your qualifiers are. What is it that you're looking for in a guy? Generally I find dating is much harder when people don't know exactly what they want. Also ask yourself why did he have to chase you to begin with if he is a good guy? How is it that guys who aren't interested in you blow you off, but guys who are interested in you get blown off? Could be you need to reevaluate how you respond to the guys who are actually interested in you. That being said though, your reaction sounds pretty common.
Devil's advocate: Be sure to see if this guy is the clingy type. It's interesting that this guy chased you having never met you in the flesh. This may seem sweet and charming at first, but this could also be an issue down the line.
Also use dating to your advantage. It's a good way to qualify someone to see if they fit in your life. You should be "interviewing" the other person as much as they are interviewing you. You've met this guy online and have only seen him twice in person. There's still WAY more to uncover. Don't let your sudden infatuation block your rational thought process. You still barely know this human.
Also figure out exactly what your qualifiers are. What is it that you're looking for in a guy? Generally I find dating is much harder when people don't know exactly what they want. Also ask yourself why did he have to chase you to begin with if he is a good guy? How is it that guys who aren't interested in you blow you off, but guys who are interested in you get blown off? Could be you need to reevaluate how you respond to the guys who are actually interested in you. That being said though, your reaction sounds pretty common.
Devil's advocate: Be sure to see if this guy is the clingy type. It's interesting that this guy chased you having never met you in the flesh. This may seem sweet and charming at first, but this could also be an issue down the line.
Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Breath of fresh air!Posted by Gemitatilol I'm happy he lives only 20 minutes away!!Posted by pinkbird03I said I'm case he is asking...Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
Don't! Usually it's for the flight to see you because his bank account got hijacked or he just paid for brother sex change surgery...you know?
I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!
What is wrong than!click to expand
Nothing is wrong! Yet.
Except my track record is bababaddddd
Posted by pinkbird03Don't play hard to get though, gotta show your interest or even the most determine of suitors will lose steam.Posted by LadyNeptuneYea, he's been courting a little bit. At the end of the first date, he asked for another one. So I think he's interested. And before that, I canceled our first scheduled date because something came up at work. He asked me out again, I said yes but didn't follow through. He asked me to skype. Again I said yes, but didn't. Got a random text asking if we were ever going to meet! Said yes, but didn't for over two weeks. Sooo I don't think I did much at all in the beginning. When is the beginning over—?
Best way to lock a guy down is to be confident and yourself and, most importantly, don't do too much at the beginning.
This means don't travel to him, don't drop plans for him, don't ever pay his way. If he's serious about courting you then give him his moment in the spotlight.
If he likes you he'll be sweating that someone else is gonna swoop you up and he'll hustle to make you his.
click to expand
The beginning is over once you have enough information about the person to decide whether your gonna take the next step. You get and give that information by spending time. Don't be so eager to rush into a 'forever' with someone.
He needs to prove himself to you as well.
Posted by pinkbird03You don't run fast enough? ?Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Breath of fresh air!Posted by Gemitatilol I'm happy he lives only 20 minutes away!!Posted by pinkbird03I said I'm case he is asking...Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
Don't! Usually it's for the flight to see you because his bank account got hijacked or he just paid for brother sex change surgery...you know?
I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!
What is wrong than!
Nothing is wrong! Yet.
Except my track record is bababaddddd
click to expand
Posted by ChuckcemYour post was well thought out! First of all, I hope he is the clingy type because I'm that way normally. I don't know why he chased me. Perhaps because I never acted interested, which I think he normally has girls chasing him because he is very very good looking and he a good job and a house. It says how much he makes online, which I'm sure that gets him attention from girls. I'm happy as long as a guy has a decent career. Like not McDonalds, but u know. i knew him from years ago and when he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I said, "possibly." He replied, "lol just possibly?" that was back on feb 24. Like really? Sounded like no girl has turned him down. I didn't mean for him to sound like a jerk. He's only been very kind with me.
This a pretty common issue, so don't feel like you're alone. You probably act differently around the guys you really like verses the ones you don't. Some women may become shy and impossible to read, while other women become SUPER clingy and emotional. Make a conscious effort to stop doing this and try to find the middle ground. Basically treat all guys the same until they show their true colors.
Also use dating to your advantage. It's a good way to qualify someone to see if they fit in your life. You should be "interviewing" the other person as much as they are interviewing you. You've met this guy online and have only seen him twice in person. There's still WAY more to uncover. Don't let your sudden infatuation block your rational thought process. You still barely know this human.
Also figure out exactly what your qualifiers are. What is it that you're looking for in a guy? Generally I find dating is much harder when people don't know exactly what they want. Also ask yourself why did he have to chase you to begin with if he is a good guy? How is it that guys who aren't interested in you blow you off, but guys who are interested in you get blown off? Could be you need to reevaluate how you respond to the guys who are actually interested in you. That being said though, your reaction sounds pretty common.
Devil's advocate: Be sure to see if this guy is the clingy type. It's interesting that this guy chased you having never met you in the flesh. This may seem sweet and charming at first, but this could also be an issue down the line.
So what I need?
Good communication, openness, trust, loyalty, similar values/beliefs, kind, loving, acceptance, patience, someone who lives near me, is independent, wants a serious relationship
What I want
Someone I'm attracted to, between 5'8 and 6'1, has a car, Catholic (he isn't, but I can't have everything), never married, doesn't have kids, doesn't smoke, loves animals (he supports animals in ways I didnt realize people actually did)
That's all I can think of for now.
Posted by LadyNeptuneTrue. He needs to prove it. So far, he's doing better than the other guys I dated! I guess the only thing I worry about is that he still uses match. Like I know we just started dating, there's nothing actually wrong with that, but still. There's always other options. Too many in fact. I'm the kind of person that prefers to date one person at a time. If it doesn't work out, then I move onto the next one. But that's not how online dating works. Although he told me he was going to get rid of it. He said he didn't like it. He got catfished before he met me. I found that story funnyPosted by pinkbird03Don't play hard to get though, gotta show your interest or even the most determine of suitors will lose steam.Posted by LadyNeptuneYea, he's been courting a little bit. At the end of the first date, he asked for another one. So I think he's interested. And before that, I canceled our first scheduled date because something came up at work. He asked me out again, I said yes but didn't follow through. He asked me to skype. Again I said yes, but didn't. Got a random text asking if we were ever going to meet! Said yes, but didn't for over two weeks. Sooo I don't think I did much at all in the beginning. When is the beginning over—?
Best way to lock a guy down is to be confident and yourself and, most importantly, don't do too much at the beginning.
This means don't travel to him, don't drop plans for him, don't ever pay his way. If he's serious about courting you then give him his moment in the spotlight.
If he likes you he'll be sweating that someone else is gonna swoop you up and he'll hustle to make you his.
The beginning is over once you have enough information about the person to decide whether your gonna take the next step. You get and give that information by spending time. Don't be so eager to rush into a 'forever' with someone.
He needs to prove himself to you as well.click to expand
Posted by RindarooUgh baggage!! That's sometimes a deal breaker for me. These online guys totally suck! Hope it gets better!!Posted by pinkbird03Lol. Yes I met him online & it's not so good right now. He's having issues related to his baggage & not acting so great. Refusing to deal with issues ? That's why I said if we break up lolPosted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?click to expand
Posted by GemitatiSingle best advice today! ?Posted by pinkbird03You don't run fast enough? ?Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Breath of fresh air!Posted by Gemitatilol I'm happy he lives only 20 minutes away!!Posted by pinkbird03I said I'm case he is asking...Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
Don't! Usually it's for the flight to see you because his bank account got hijacked or he just paid for brother sex change surgery...you know?
I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!
What is wrong than!
Nothing is wrong! Yet.
Except my track record is bababaddddd
click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03But wouldn't you want him to have those other options? I'd want to be the one that no one else could match up too. I wouldn't want him to settle on me just cause I'm the path of least resistance.Posted by LadyNeptuneTrue. He needs to prove it. So far, he's doing better than the other guys I dated! I guess the only thing I worry about is that he still uses match. Like I know we just started dating, there's nothing actually wrong with that, but still. There's always other options. Too many in fact. I'm the kind of person that prefers to date one person at a time. If it doesn't work out, then I move onto the next one. But that's not how online dating works. Although he told me he was going to get rid of it. He said he didn't like it. He got catfished before he met me. I found that story funnyPosted by pinkbird03Don't play hard to get though, gotta show your interest or even the most determine of suitors will lose steam.Posted by LadyNeptuneYea, he's been courting a little bit. At the end of the first date, he asked for another one. So I think he's interested. And before that, I canceled our first scheduled date because something came up at work. He asked me out again, I said yes but didn't follow through. He asked me to skype. Again I said yes, but didn't. Got a random text asking if we were ever going to meet! Said yes, but didn't for over two weeks. Sooo I don't think I did much at all in the beginning. When is the beginning over—?
Best way to lock a guy down is to be confident and yourself and, most importantly, don't do too much at the beginning.
This means don't travel to him, don't drop plans for him, don't ever pay his way. If he's serious about courting you then give him his moment in the spotlight.
If he likes you he'll be sweating that someone else is gonna swoop you up and he'll hustle to make you his.
The beginning is over once you have enough information about the person to decide whether your gonna take the next step. You get and give that information by spending time. Don't be so eager to rush into a 'forever' with someone.
He needs to prove himself to you as well.click to expand
Be confident. Keep talking and dating other men. Like others have said...let it unfold naturally.
Posted by pinkbird03Curtsy! ?Posted by GemitatiSingle best advice today! ?Posted by pinkbird03You don't run fast enough? ?Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Breath of fresh air!Posted by Gemitatilol I'm happy he lives only 20 minutes away!!Posted by pinkbird03I said I'm case he is asking...Posted by GemitatiPosted by pinkbird03Just don't send him any money because he said he is looking for something serious.Posted by libralotusHe said he's looking for something serious, just like me. So at least we are on the same page. I definitely find myself censoring some things. It doesn't help that I'm very shy around people I don't know well. But thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try to ground my thinking a bit.
I understand why you feel like you have to analyze yourself when you find someone worthwhile. I have anxiety too. I think what you need to do is lower your expectations while staying true to what you want. If you're both on the same dating site I assume that you guys are looking for the same thing which is good.
Maybe instead of convincing yourself that he could be the one you could tell yourself he could be the one of many. It's normal to daydream about a future with someone especially in the beginning, but what you need to do is to ground your thinking.
I know I'm being quite pessimistic but you don't know him well enough. Censoring yourself isn't going to change him from being the one or not.
Good luck 🙂
It's usually means $ $ $ $
lol I've never sent a guy money—? Unless you're talking about something sexual?
Don't! Usually it's for the flight to see you because his bank account got hijacked or he just paid for brother sex change surgery...you know?
I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!
What is wrong than!
Nothing is wrong! Yet.
Except my track record is bababaddddd
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneOk. I'll be confident! Thanks for your advicePosted by pinkbird03But wouldn't you want him to have those other options? I'd want to be the one that no one else could match up too. I wouldn't want him to settle on me just cause I'm the path of least resistance.Posted by LadyNeptuneTrue. He needs to prove it. So far, he's doing better than the other guys I dated! I guess the only thing I worry about is that he still uses match. Like I know we just started dating, there's nothing actually wrong with that, but still. There's always other options. Too many in fact. I'm the kind of person that prefers to date one person at a time. If it doesn't work out, then I move onto the next one. But that's not how online dating works. Although he told me he was going to get rid of it. He said he didn't like it. He got catfished before he met me. I found that story funnyPosted by pinkbird03Don't play hard to get though, gotta show your interest or even the most determine of suitors will lose steam.Posted by LadyNeptuneYea, he's been courting a little bit. At the end of the first date, he asked for another one. So I think he's interested. And before that, I canceled our first scheduled date because something came up at work. He asked me out again, I said yes but didn't follow through. He asked me to skype. Again I said yes, but didn't. Got a random text asking if we were ever going to meet! Said yes, but didn't for over two weeks. Sooo I don't think I did much at all in the beginning. When is the beginning over—?
Best way to lock a guy down is to be confident and yourself and, most importantly, don't do too much at the beginning.
This means don't travel to him, don't drop plans for him, don't ever pay his way. If he's serious about courting you then give him his moment in the spotlight.
If he likes you he'll be sweating that someone else is gonna swoop you up and he'll hustle to make you his.
The beginning is over once you have enough information about the person to decide whether your gonna take the next step. You get and give that information by spending time. Don't be so eager to rush into a 'forever' with someone.
He needs to prove himself to you as well.
Be confident. Keep talking and dating other men. Like others have said...let it unfold naturally.click to expand
Posted by RindarooOh yea. That's tough. You don't have a choice. But it's good you're both in similar situations. You have an understanding that I don't have because I've never been married. Are kids involved too?Posted by pinkbird03Thanks 🙂 Well at my & his age it's pretty unavoidable. Especially after both have been married twice. Just a matter of if someone is willing to face it. Yeah I agree they do suck! I'm over the online dating!Posted by RindarooUgh baggage!! That's sometimes a deal breaker for me. These online guys totally suck! Hope it gets better!!Posted by pinkbird03Lol. Yes I met him online & it's not so good right now. He's having issues related to his baggage & not acting so great. Refusing to deal with issues ? That's why I said if we break up lolPosted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03I dont have input sorry, but I want to wish you good luck, you seem like a nice person.
I would love some guy input on this one! Girls too.
Posted by rabidtalkerThank you, friend ?Posted by pinkbird03I dont have input sorry, but I want to wish you good luck, you seem like a nice person.
I would love some guy input on this one! Girls too.
click to expand
I try!
Posted by pinkbird03When I say clingy, I dont mean lovey-dovey. I mean needy and controlling. I don't know too many women who actually want that trait in a guy.Posted by ChuckcemYour post was well thought out! First of all, I hope he is the clingy type because I'm that way normally. I don't know why he chased me. Perhaps because I never acted interested, which I think he normally has girls chasing him because he is very very good looking and he a good job and a house. It says how much he makes online, which I'm sure that gets him attention from girls. I'm happy as long as a guy has a decent career. Like not McDonalds, but u know. i knew him from years ago and when he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I said, "possibly." He replied, "lol just possibly?" that was back on feb 24. Like really? Sounded like no girl has turned him down. I didn't mean for him to sound like a jerk. He's only been very kind with me.
This a pretty common issue, so don't feel like you're alone. You probably act differently around the guys you really like verses the ones you don't. Some women may become shy and impossible to read, while other women become SUPER clingy and emotional. Make a conscious effort to stop doing this and try to find the middle ground. Basically treat all guys the same until they show their true colors.
Also use dating to your advantage. It's a good way to qualify someone to see if they fit in your life. You should be "interviewing" the other person as much as they are interviewing you. You've met this guy online and have only seen him twice in person. There's still WAY more to uncover. Don't let your sudden infatuation block your rational thought process. You still barely know this human.
Also figure out exactly what your qualifiers are. What is it that you're looking for in a guy? Generally I find dating is much harder when people don't know exactly what they want. Also ask yourself why did he have to chase you to begin with if he is a good guy? How is it that guys who aren't interested in you blow you off, but guys who are interested in you get blown off? Could be you need to reevaluate how you respond to the guys who are actually interested in you. That being said though, your reaction sounds pretty common.
Devil's advocate: Be sure to see if this guy is the clingy type. It's interesting that this guy chased you having never met you in the flesh. This may seem sweet and charming at first, but this could also be an issue down the line.
So what I need?
Good communication, openness, trust, loyalty, similar values/beliefs, kind, loving, acceptance, patience, someone who lives near me, is independent, wants a serious relationship
What I want
Someone I'm attracted to, between 5'8 and 6'1, has a car, Catholic (he isn't, but I can't have everything), never married, doesn't have kids, doesn't smoke, loves animals (he supports animals in ways I didnt realize people actually did)
That's all I can think of for now.click to expand
It's possible that he chased because you were "different". Just be aware that's what players do too (not saying he's a player, but that is a tactic). Basically my point is be a bit more observant concerning what each of you brings to the table. Don't play hard to get, but don't fall head over heels either. Using the first month or so to see if this guy actually passes your litmus tests.
A lot of things you've mentioned under the "So what I need" list are characteristics you'll mostly only find out with time. Give yourself the time to explore this gusy's personality first.
Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03His kids are in their 20's. Mine are 16 & 21, so they aren't really a factor. Difference between us is I did a lot of therapy after my second divorce, he's in full avoidance mode. Because I'm the first one he's had deep feelings for since his ex. But he's doing a lot of things that are pretty much sabatoging the relationship & won't talk about it at all. He is a Cap but still! I'm not even sure I want it anymore if he won't talk to me about it. I don't need a repeat of husband #2 ?Posted by RindarooOh yea. That's tough. You don't have a choice. But it's good you're both in similar situations. You have an understanding that I don't have because I've never been married. Are kids involved too?Posted by pinkbird03Thanks 🙂 Well at my & his age it's pretty unavoidable. Especially after both have been married twice. Just a matter of if someone is willing to face it. Yeah I agree they do suck! I'm over the online dating!Posted by RindarooUgh baggage!! That's sometimes a deal breaker for me. These online guys totally suck! Hope it gets better!!Posted by pinkbird03Lol. Yes I met him online & it's not so good right now. He's having issues related to his baggage & not acting so great. Refusing to deal with issues ? That's why I said if we break up lolPosted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?
click to expand
Really? Caps and divorce. Never heard those two words together. That's tough if he won't communicate. How long has he been acting this way
Posted by ChuckcemWhat made u think he's needy and controlling? I personally don't think he's a player. I mean would he really waste the last two months trying to get to know me? Wouldn't he have moved on by now?Posted by pinkbird03When I say clingy, I dont mean lovey-dovey. I mean needy and controlling. I don't know too many women who actually want that trait in a guy.Posted by ChuckcemYour post was well thought out! First of all, I hope he is the clingy type because I'm that way normally. I don't know why he chased me. Perhaps because I never acted interested, which I think he normally has girls chasing him because he is very very good looking and he a good job and a house. It says how much he makes online, which I'm sure that gets him attention from girls. I'm happy as long as a guy has a decent career. Like not McDonalds, but u know. i knew him from years ago and when he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I said, "possibly." He replied, "lol just possibly?" that was back on feb 24. Like really? Sounded like no girl has turned him down. I didn't mean for him to sound like a jerk. He's only been very kind with me.
This a pretty common issue, so don't feel like you're alone. You probably act differently around the guys you really like verses the ones you don't. Some women may become shy and impossible to read, while other women become SUPER clingy and emotional. Make a conscious effort to stop doing this and try to find the middle ground. Basically treat all guys the same until they show their true colors.
Also use dating to your advantage. It's a good way to qualify someone to see if they fit in your life. You should be "interviewing" the other person as much as they are interviewing you. You've met this guy online and have only seen him twice in person. There's still WAY more to uncover. Don't let your sudden infatuation block your rational thought process. You still barely know this human.
Also figure out exactly what your qualifiers are. What is it that you're looking for in a guy? Generally I find dating is much harder when people don't know exactly what they want. Also ask yourself why did he have to chase you to begin with if he is a good guy? How is it that guys who aren't interested in you blow you off, but guys who are interested in you get blown off? Could be you need to reevaluate how you respond to the guys who are actually interested in you. That being said though, your reaction sounds pretty common.
Devil's advocate: Be sure to see if this guy is the clingy type. It's interesting that this guy chased you having never met you in the flesh. This may seem sweet and charming at first, but this could also be an issue down the line.
So what I need?
Good communication, openness, trust, loyalty, similar values/beliefs, kind, loving, acceptance, patience, someone who lives near me, is independent, wants a serious relationship
What I want
Someone I'm attracted to, between 5'8 and 6'1, has a car, Catholic (he isn't, but I can't have everything), never married, doesn't have kids, doesn't smoke, loves animals (he supports animals in ways I didnt realize people actually did)
That's all I can think of for now.
It's possible that he chased because you were "different". Just be aware that's what players do too (not saying he's a player, but that is a tactic). Basically my point is be a bit more observant concerning what each of you brings to the table. Don't play hard to get, but don't fall head over heels either. Using the first month or so to see if this guy actually passes your litmus tests.
A lot of things you've mentioned under the "So what I need" list are characteristics you'll mostly only find out with time. Give yourself the time to explore this gusy's personality first.click to expand
Going to take things slow. Medium interest. Keep my guard half up. Thank you for the advice!
Posted by pinkbird03Oh I'm not saying that he is. However if he is the clingy type (which has yet to be seen), it could lead to that later. Clingy guys may become possessive, obsessive, jealous, needy, controlling, stalkers, etc, later in relationships. Just something to watch out for in general.Posted by ChuckcemWhat made u think he's needy and controlling? I personally don't think he's a player. I mean would he really waste the last two months trying to get to know me? Wouldn't he have moved on by now?Posted by pinkbird03When I say clingy, I dont mean lovey-dovey. I mean needy and controlling. I don't know too many women who actually want that trait in a guy.Posted by ChuckcemYour post was well thought out! First of all, I hope he is the clingy type because I'm that way normally. I don't know why he chased me. Perhaps because I never acted interested, which I think he normally has girls chasing him because he is very very good looking and he a good job and a house. It says how much he makes online, which I'm sure that gets him attention from girls. I'm happy as long as a guy has a decent career. Like not McDonalds, but u know. i knew him from years ago and when he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I said, "possibly." He replied, "lol just possibly?" that was back on feb 24. Like really? Sounded like no girl has turned him down. I didn't mean for him to sound like a jerk. He's only been very kind with me.
This a pretty common issue, so don't feel like you're alone. You probably act differently around the guys you really like verses the ones you don't. Some women may become shy and impossible to read, while other women become SUPER clingy and emotional. Make a conscious effort to stop doing this and try to find the middle ground. Basically treat all guys the same until they show their true colors.
Also use dating to your advantage. It's a good way to qualify someone to see if they fit in your life. You should be "interviewing" the other person as much as they are interviewing you. You've met this guy online and have only seen him twice in person. There's still WAY more to uncover. Don't let your sudden infatuation block your rational thought process. You still barely know this human.
Also figure out exactly what your qualifiers are. What is it that you're looking for in a guy? Generally I find dating is much harder when people don't know exactly what they want. Also ask yourself why did he have to chase you to begin with if he is a good guy? How is it that guys who aren't interested in you blow you off, but guys who are interested in you get blown off? Could be you need to reevaluate how you respond to the guys who are actually interested in you. That being said though, your reaction sounds pretty common.
Devil's advocate: Be sure to see if this guy is the clingy type. It's interesting that this guy chased you having never met you in the flesh. This may seem sweet and charming at first, but this could also be an issue down the line.
So what I need?
Good communication, openness, trust, loyalty, similar values/beliefs, kind, loving, acceptance, patience, someone who lives near me, is independent, wants a serious relationship
What I want
Someone I'm attracted to, between 5'8 and 6'1, has a car, Catholic (he isn't, but I can't have everything), never married, doesn't have kids, doesn't smoke, loves animals (he supports animals in ways I didnt realize people actually did)
That's all I can think of for now.
It's possible that he chased because you were "different". Just be aware that's what players do too (not saying he's a player, but that is a tactic). Basically my point is be a bit more observant concerning what each of you brings to the table. Don't play hard to get, but don't fall head over heels either. Using the first month or so to see if this guy actually passes your litmus tests.
A lot of things you've mentioned under the "So what I need" list are characteristics you'll mostly only find out with time. Give yourself the time to explore this gusy's personality first.
Going to take things slow. Medium interest. Keep my guard half up. Thank you for the advice!
click to expand
That's the fun thing about players (again, not saying he is one), time frame doesn't matter to them. A player doesn't mind being persistent because in their mind, it's all a numbers game. A few months isn't a long time at all, especially since they're not emotionally invested. Players know that sheer persistence is enough to work on some women. Players KNOW that women are taught men should chase them. Therefore most players will use this to their advantage. If a player is talking to multiple women, what does it matter if he spends a few months hooking yet another?
Good call, just be observant. If he strikes you as a genuine guy, then go for it. By giving yourself more time to process, you're also giving HIM more time to process. That way the emotions can grow between you, instead of being one sided.
Posted by ChuckcemYea, anything is possible! No doubt about that.Posted by pinkbird03Oh I'm not saying that he is. However if he is the clingy type (which has yet to be seen), it could lead to that later. Clingy guys may become possessive, obsessive, jealous, needy, controlling, stalkers, etc, later in relationships. Just something to watch out for in general.Posted by ChuckcemWhat made u think he's needy and controlling? I personally don't think he's a player. I mean would he really waste the last two months trying to get to know me? Wouldn't he have moved on by now?Posted by pinkbird03When I say clingy, I dont mean lovey-dovey. I mean needy and controlling. I don't know too many women who actually want that trait in a guy.Posted by ChuckcemYour post was well thought out! First of all, I hope he is the clingy type because I'm that way normally. I don't know why he chased me. Perhaps because I never acted interested, which I think he normally has girls chasing him because he is very very good looking and he a good job and a house. It says how much he makes online, which I'm sure that gets him attention from girls. I'm happy as long as a guy has a decent career. Like not McDonalds, but u know. i knew him from years ago and when he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I said, "possibly." He replied, "lol just possibly?" that was back on feb 24. Like really? Sounded like no girl has turned him down. I didn't mean for him to sound like a jerk. He's only been very kind with me.
This a pretty common issue, so don't feel like you're alone. You probably act differently around the guys you really like verses the ones you don't. Some women may become shy and impossible to read, while other women become SUPER clingy and emotional. Make a conscious effort to stop doing this and try to find the middle ground. Basically treat all guys the same until they show their true colors.
Also use dating to your advantage. It's a good way to qualify someone to see if they fit in your life. You should be "interviewing" the other person as much as they are interviewing you. You've met this guy online and have only seen him twice in person. There's still WAY more to uncover. Don't let your sudden infatuation block your rational thought process. You still barely know this human.
Also figure out exactly what your qualifiers are. What is it that you're looking for in a guy? Generally I find dating is much harder when people don't know exactly what they want. Also ask yourself why did he have to chase you to begin with if he is a good guy? How is it that guys who aren't interested in you blow you off, but guys who are interested in you get blown off? Could be you need to reevaluate how you respond to the guys who are actually interested in you. That being said though, your reaction sounds pretty common.
Devil's advocate: Be sure to see if this guy is the clingy type. It's interesting that this guy chased you having never met you in the flesh. This may seem sweet and charming at first, but this could also be an issue down the line.
So what I need?
Good communication, openness, trust, loyalty, similar values/beliefs, kind, loving, acceptance, patience, someone who lives near me, is independent, wants a serious relationship
What I want
Someone I'm attracted to, between 5'8 and 6'1, has a car, Catholic (he isn't, but I can't have everything), never married, doesn't have kids, doesn't smoke, loves animals (he supports animals in ways I didnt realize people actually did)
That's all I can think of for now.
It's possible that he chased because you were "different". Just be aware that's what players do too (not saying he's a player, but that is a tactic). Basically my point is be a bit more observant concerning what each of you brings to the table. Don't play hard to get, but don't fall head over heels either. Using the first month or so to see if this guy actually passes your litmus tests.
A lot of things you've mentioned under the "So what I need" list are characteristics you'll mostly only find out with time. Give yourself the time to explore this gusy's personality first.
Going to take things slow. Medium interest. Keep my guard half up. Thank you for the advice!
That's the fun thing about players (again, not saying he is one), time frame doesn't matter to them. A player doesn't mind being persistent because in their mind, it's all a numbers game. A few months isn't a long time at all, especially since they're not emotionally invested. Players know that sheer persistence is enough to work on some women. Players KNOW that women are taught men should chase them. Therefore most players will use this to their advantage. If a player is talking to multiple women, what does it matter if he spends a few months hooking yet another?
Good call, just be observant. If he strikes you as a genuine guy, then go for it. By giving yourself more time to process, you're also giving HIM more time to process. That way the emotions can grow between you, instead of being one sided.click to expand
I definitely try to be on the lookout for good and bad signs to sort of help me figure out how much he is genuinely interested in me or not.
Posted by RindarooUgh that would bother me. I wonder if his ex has reached out to him and made him rethink things. I actually had a lot of old love interests come back into my life during this time. Including the guy I'm talking to right now... have you asked him that? dealing with this seems hard. I hope things get better soon!Posted by pinkbird03Oh two very bad situations for him. The last one was only 2 years ago. Starting when Venus retrograde started. He was still acting like he wanted the relationship reaching out everyday but caring like he was protecting himself from me in person. Then I opened up about me more, and that stopped but he wasn't being is normal affectionate cuddly self. I opened up some more & that came back. At the same time I was suspecting he was talking to someone and having my own emotional rollercoaster. So I finally decided I needed to address some mixed messages ( which really are due to him being so hurt) and asked if he was talking to or seeing anyone else. And I wanted to know what was up & where I stood with him. So he denied the seeing anyone else but not the talking which isn't surprising due to his behavior online dating in the beginning but very hurtful even if it's only due to reactions cuz he's having trouble having these feelings & getting triggered about past hurts. So that's when he stopped texting, calling, asking me over. And now won't talk about any of it. Like it's going to go away magically if he doesn't say anything— That was Friday. I reached out Sunday night and we talked some & now he's not talking again. After he said we would yesterday. Yikes!! Not sure if I should leave him alone or not. I have thought all along he wasn't ready for a relationship but yet he wanted to be my boyfriend about 2 weeks in & we went on a trip together out of the country at 3 months. And now he's freaking out. So much fun!!!!! Not. I guess my instincts were right after all.Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03His kids are in their 20's. Mine are 16 & 21, so they aren't really a factor. Difference between us is I did a lot of therapy after my second divorce, he's in full avoidance mode. Because I'm the first one he's had deep feelings for since his ex. But he's doing a lot of things that are pretty much sabatoging the relationship & won't talk about it at all. He is a Cap but still! I'm not even sure I want it anymore if he won't talk to me about it. I don't need a repeat of husband #2 ?Posted by RindarooOh yea. That's tough. You don't have a choice. But it's good you're both in similar situations. You have an understanding that I don't have because I've never been married. Are kids involved too?Posted by pinkbird03Thanks 🙂 Well at my & his age it's pretty unavoidable. Especially after both have been married twice. Just a matter of if someone is willing to face it. Yeah I agree they do suck! I'm over the online dating!Posted by RindarooUgh baggage!! That's sometimes a deal breaker for me. These online guys totally suck! Hope it gets better!!Posted by pinkbird03Lol. Yes I met him online & it's not so good right now. He's having issues related to his baggage & not acting so great. Refusing to deal with issues ? That's why I said if we break up lolPosted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?
Really? Caps and divorce. Never heard those two words together. That's tough if he won't communicate. How long has he been acting this way
click to expand
lol I'm happy he lives only 20 minutes away!!
I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!
Breath of fresh air!
What is wrong than!
Nothing is wrong! Yet.
Except my track record is bababaddddd
sometimes you have to kiss a bunch of frogs until you find a prince
relax and enjoy getting to know him ... reserve those "feelings" until you have a chance to just hang around with him and have fun because he has got to get to know you too ... it doesn't matter how long it takes - but make sure before you really "connect" that you know each other well
so - he's looking for the same type of thing that you are - that is a big plus on your part because you know yourself and you are not a "hoe" so a monogamous relationship with potential
even if it turns out he's got some bad thing going on or you two just don't communicate well or whatever, you will know in a few months but you got to give it a try - just reserve your feelings ...
Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03I don't know if I'm being stupid or my save the world weakness is in full mode.. but it seems I'm not done with him. Jeez just the good things he gives me are really great. Dammit! LolPosted by RindarooUgh that would bother me. I wonder if his ex has reached out to him and made him rethink things. I actually had a lot of old love interests come back into my life during this time. Including the guy I'm talking to right now... have you asked him that? dealing with this seems hard. I hope things get better soon!Posted by pinkbird03Oh two very bad situations for him. The last one was only 2 years ago. Starting when Venus retrograde started. He was still acting like he wanted the relationship reaching out everyday but caring like he was protecting himself from me in person. Then I opened up about me more, and that stopped but he wasn't being is normal affectionate cuddly self. I opened up some more & that came back. At the same time I was suspecting he was talking to someone and having my own emotional rollercoaster. So I finally decided I needed to address some mixed messages ( which really are due to him being so hurt) and asked if he was talking to or seeing anyone else. And I wanted to know what was up & where I stood with him. So he denied the seeing anyone else but not the talking which isn't surprising due to his behavior online dating in the beginning but very hurtful even if it's only due to reactions cuz he's having trouble having these feelings & getting triggered about past hurts. So that's when he stopped texting, calling, asking me over. And now won't talk about any of it. Like it's going to go away magically if he doesn't say anything— That was Friday. I reached out Sunday night and we talked some & now he's not talking again. After he said we would yesterday. Yikes!! Not sure if I should leave him alone or not. I have thought all along he wasn't ready for a relationship but yet he wanted to be my boyfriend about 2 weeks in & we went on a trip together out of the country at 3 months. And now he's freaking out. So much fun!!!!! Not. I guess my instincts were right after all.Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03His kids are in their 20's. Mine are 16 & 21, so they aren't really a factor. Difference between us is I did a lot of therapy after my second divorce, he's in full avoidance mode. Because I'm the first one he's had deep feelings for since his ex. But he's doing a lot of things that are pretty much sabatoging the relationship & won't talk about it at all. He is a Cap but still! I'm not even sure I want it anymore if he won't talk to me about it. I don't need a repeat of husband #2 ?Posted by RindarooOh yea. That's tough. You don't have a choice. But it's good you're both in similar situations. You have an understanding that I don't have because I've never been married. Are kids involved too?Posted by pinkbird03Thanks 🙂 Well at my & his age it's pretty unavoidable. Especially after both have been married twice. Just a matter of if someone is willing to face it. Yeah I agree they do suck! I'm over the online dating!Posted by RindarooUgh baggage!! That's sometimes a deal breaker for me. These online guys totally suck! Hope it gets better!!Posted by pinkbird03Lol. Yes I met him online & it's not so good right now. He's having issues related to his baggage & not acting so great. Refusing to deal with issues ? That's why I said if we break up lolPosted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?
Really? Caps and divorce. Never heard those two words together. That's tough if he won't communicate. How long has he been acting this way
I know that with online dating, it's way too easy to use it as a distraction when there are problems. I might have done that in the past ? This is part of the reason I am never going that route again.... and who is a player & who isn't? Ughclick to expand
Aww. It seems he was hurt that you didn't say you loved him when he said it. Why didn't you? Do you feel insecure too? I know I am. I think that's part of the reason why things never seem to work out for me.
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