What would you do?

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

There's no such thing as STAYING IN a controlling, manipulative marriage in order " TO PROTECT" the child 😒

Posted by sweetpea2977

There's no such thing as STAYING IN a controlling, manipulative marriage in order " TO PROTECT" the child 😒

I understand. But having read things written by women in this position, they have stayed in marriages like these so hat they can see their child 24/7 while their husband works.

That way the woman looks after the child, even when the husband is there, even at weekends so that she can protect the child, rather than leaving the child alone with its father, which is what happens in divorce.

Therefore they stay in the marriage in order to be the Sole carer for the child, thus preventing the husband from manipulating the child once they are divorced and custody is shared.

What should a woman do?

Posted by sweetpea2977

There's no such thing as STAYING IN a controlling, manipulative marriage in order " TO PROTECT" the child 😒

What would YOU do?

You haven't mentioned the co-parenting part.

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

If you don’t have any felonies or misdemeanors then the mother will usually get the child. He is just saying whatever he wants because he knows it will affect you to lose the baby. He can tell you care more about the baby then him, so he’s using it as leverage.

This type of thing is tricky especially with trying to stand up for yourself because you never know what he will do.

The best thing to do is try and get help. Move in with a relative for a short while, but first go to the police station and see what your options are. Maybe a temporary restraining order until you can go to court and start divorce proceedings.

This type of man wasn’t created over night but it’s kind of too late for that type of talk now that a baby is involved.

Just protect yourself and the baby. He’s saying stuff to scare you. Go to the police first and it will be fine.

But if you are the type to go back to him because you miss him. You’re gonna be in worse shape because he will know he has control over you. So make sure, if you want to leave, it’s for good.

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

click to expand

Hi..

Thank you so much for your post. Its the type of response I was hoping for. Someone to tell me the Other side of staying in a relationship like that.

My husband was abusive too but I was scared to leave him as our baby was so young.

I took the sensible route (HA! Thinking he may give me a sensible response!) and told him I want to move out and live in a flat and would he mind paying rent - on a temporary basis only - because i needed space and time to heal!

He refused!

Stupid me for asking!

I then suggested I get a full-time job to pay my own rent while putting our baby in nursery. So that way I'm not dependant on him.

NO again.

I was Trapped!

I couldn't do all of thus behind his back so i stupidly stayed. Got badly depressed. And 2yrs ago he started divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour!

Having read your story I'm now realising the HUGE issues I would have faced doing what you did.

And I WISH I had done what you did!

Now I'm abusive one in the divorce! All the acusations he has made about me are all about him!

Pooface, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your child much older now. I believe I remember you posting about this same topic 2 years ago.

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

click to expand

Oh dear! Glad you were strong enough to warn the abuser and end it. It’s a blessing that you have a character.

However not every woman is capable of being strong enough.

If I remember correctly poofaces child must be around 5 and she had been trying to get out forever. Always undecided and it’s understandable IF a spouse isn’t physically abusive to a child or her and he is a provider...she is living day to day sad life and praying for the answer to fall in her laps. No drive. Just confusion.

Unfortunately shit has to hit the fan as it happened in your situation. Would you leave if there weren’t abuse to a blood? So many don’t. She needs serious push. For ages now. 🙌

Posted by pooface222

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

Hi..

Thank you so much for your post. Its the type of response I was hoping for. Someone to tell me the Other side of staying in a relationship like that.

My husband was abusive too but I was scared to leave him as our baby was so young.

I took the sensible route (HA! Thinking he may give me a sensible response!) and told him I want to move out and live in a flat and would he mind paying rent - on a temporary basis only - because i needed space and time to heal!

He refused!

Stupid me for asking!

I then suggested I get a full-time job to pay my own rent while putting our baby in nursery. So that way I'm not dependant on him.

NO again.

I was Trapped!

I couldn't do all of thus behind his back so i stupidly stayed. Got badly depressed. And 2yrs ago he started divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour!

Having read your story I'm now realising the HUGE issues I would have faced doing what you did.

And I WISH I had done what you did!

Now I'm abusive one in the divorce! All the acusations he has made about me are all about him!

click to expand

He is an adult man! What abuse is he reporting by you? It’s some kind of a bullshit.

2 years divorce? Is he filthy rich?

Posted by pooface222

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

Hi..

Thank you so much for your post. Its the type of response I was hoping for. Someone to tell me the Other side of staying in a relationship like that.

My husband was abusive too but I was scared to leave him as our baby was so young.

I took the sensible route (HA! Thinking he may give me a sensible response!) and told him I want to move out and live in a flat and would he mind paying rent - on a temporary basis only - because i needed space and time to heal!

He refused!

Stupid me for asking!

I then suggested I get a full-time job to pay my own rent while putting our baby in nursery. So that way I'm not dependant on him.

NO again.

I was Trapped!

I couldn't do all of thus behind his back so i stupidly stayed. Got badly depressed. And 2yrs ago he started divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour!

Having read your story I'm now realising the HUGE issues I would have faced doing what you did.

And I WISH I had done what you did!

Now I'm abusive one in the divorce! All the acusations he has made about me are all about him!

click to expand

Had that too after I told him to leave. He turned tables on me. All it really shows tho, is his narsistic self. Cause thats what narsists do. Stand above it. You are better than that. If not for yourself, do it for your child. Eventually you'll be able to do it for yourself aswell. Please take your time healing, dont rush that part. I know it will be tough tme wise due to raising a child but you must allow yourself the time and space to heal.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. No one deserves this.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

Oh dear! Glad you were strong enough to warn the abuser and end it. It’s a blessing that you have a character.

However not every woman is capable of being strong enough.

If I remember correctly poofaces child must be around 5 and she had been trying to get out forever. Always undecided and it’s understandable IF a spouse isn’t physically abusive to a child or her and he is a provider...she is living day to day sad life and praying for the answer to fall in her laps. No drive. Just confusion.

Unfortunately shit has to hit the fan as it happened in your situation. Would you leave if there weren’t abuse to a blood? So many don’t. She needs serious push. For ages now. 🙌

click to expand

Eventually yes. Cause even without the blood present, any unhealthy abusive envoirment will take its toll on the child aswell. I do realise that not everyone is that strong yet to get out but everyone will reach a breakingpoint eventually that will cause them to leave. Mine was after 2 years and the found blood... it was scary to say the least. I was in a shithole debt wise, had no house to fall back on and no paycheck as ex hubby kept me pregnant. I lost 1 child along the way.... when he left, I was completely broken. Took me 5 years to recover. 4 different therapists and all my so called friends left me be. Everyone has a breakingpoint.... I truly hope she'll find the strength to leave and chose hersrlf with her child. Its very difficult for others to understand when they havent been in that situation.

Posted by pinkbird03

Pooface, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your child much older now. I believe I remember you posting about this same topic 2 years ago.

Hi

Yes you are right. And when I saw your name I knew what you were going to say.

The thing is at the time i posted, I was suffering from depression so felt really trapped and I dont think I was asking the right questions at the time.

Everything has all blown up since my post 2yrs ago and sadly he is divorcing me.

Our child is now 5.

I'm now in a clearer state of mind and more able to deal with things but sadly he is divorcing me even though i told him of my depression, my need to get away from him, to heal and have space, he wouldnt let me leave.

So I ended up feeling terrified and therefore did Nothing at all to help myself. I just felt trapped, frightened and helpless.

Sadly doing nothing caused my depression to deepen - because I was trapped by him.

So...here I am asking advice on what I SHOULD have done in the past.

I dont think i was in the right frame of mind in my first post.

I guess I'm trying to clear a backlog of hell that is now lingering in my head because i felt helpless to do anything at the time.

divorce for both your and your baby's sake and safety

the man sounds abusive

what if you starts hitting you around the baby, or the baby grows up in an abusive environment. you cant possibly call that protecting your baby. infact a restraining order is probably a good idea, i have heard about too many stories of amber alert..such as keeping your child hostage as way of trapping you in this relationship

Posted by pooface222

Posted by pinkbird03

Pooface, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your child much older now. I believe I remember you posting about this same topic 2 years ago.

Hi

Yes you are right. And when I saw your name I knew what you were going to say.

The thing is at the time i posted, I was suffering from depression so felt really trapped and I dont think I was asking the right questions at the time.

Everything has all blown up since my post 2yrs ago and sadly he is divorcing me.

Our child is now 5.

I'm now in a clearer state of mind and more able to deal with things but sadly he is divorcing me even though i told him of my depression, my need to get away from him, to heal and have space, he wouldnt let me leave.

So I ended up feeling terrified and therefore did Nothing at all to help myself. I just felt trapped, frightened and helpless.

Sadly doing nothing caused my depression to deepen - because I was trapped by him.

So...here I am asking advice on what I SHOULD have done in the past.

I dont think i was in the right frame of mind in my first post.

I guess I'm trying to clear a backlog of hell that is now lingering in my head because i felt helpless to do anything at the time.

click to expand

I’m sorry to hear this is still a struggle after so many years. I don’t have kids or a husband so I don’t have advice for you. I’m sorry. But maybe with the divorce finally happening, you’ll be able to move on, find someone knew, and feel a little less depressed. Think positive if you can 🙂 hear for you if you need someone!

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by pooface222

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

Hi..

Thank you so much for your post. Its the type of response I was hoping for. Someone to tell me the Other side of staying in a relationship like that.

My husband was abusive too but I was scared to leave him as our baby was so young.

I took the sensible route (HA! Thinking he may give me a sensible response!) and told him I want to move out and live in a flat and would he mind paying rent - on a temporary basis only - because i needed space and time to heal!

He refused!

Stupid me for asking!

I then suggested I get a full-time job to pay my own rent while putting our baby in nursery. So that way I'm not dependant on him.

NO again.

I was Trapped!

I couldn't do all of thus behind his back so i stupidly stayed. Got badly depressed. And 2yrs ago he started divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour!

Having read your story I'm now realising the HUGE issues I would have faced doing what you did.

And I WISH I had done what you did!

Now I'm abusive one in the divorce! All the acusations he has made about me are all about him!

He is an adult man! What abuse is he reporting by you? It’s some kind of a bullshit.

2 years divorce? Is he filthy rich?

click to expand

Hi Gemitati

I don't think he is filthy rich but he earns a large salary and had a rich dad. He accused me of domestic abuse he AFTER shouted in my face what a sad loser I am, even though I was chronically depressed!

He took minor situations between us, and twisted them to make them look Worse than they actually are.

Posted by pooface222

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by pooface222

Posted by PiscesGal76

Posted by pooface222

If you were married, with a 7 month old baby; and your husband is controlling, and he went too far by making threats to leave you and take your baby, if you dont obey his demands...would you divorce him?

If so, what steps would you take in terms of your baby? Especially if your husband wants custody, and you are scared for your baby being so young.

What would you do regarding co-parenting?

If divorce takes a year, and your baby therefore will only be 19months old after divorce, how will you co-parent a baby so young??

Would you co-parent?

How would you go about this very difficult situation?



Or...

Would you stay in the marriage in order to protect you child 7 days a week?

I've been in that situation. My ex was abusive. Also towards my children. My daughter was 3 months old when I told him to get out. E had 2 choices... get out by himself or I'd call the cops and they would take him. I then got up with my kids, when to my parents and told, tomorrow you are gone when I come back. Or I personally make sure you wont be able to ever walk again. He was smart and left. Never saw him again. I have sole custody over both kids. He has 2 police reports against him and court ruled against him. Never ever stay in an unhealthy rekationship like this! Certain things can be worked on but not this. My ex had been abusing me from a week after marriage but it slipped in as it always does. I've put up with it for 2 years... thats when I found my 3 month old daughter bleeding in bed... never ever touch my kids... he was very lucky that I was the smart one at that moment, I couldve hurt him badly in that moment and ended up in jail myself...

So no, I would not ever stay if it happens again.

Hi..

Thank you so much for your post. Its the type of response I was hoping for. Someone to tell me the Other side of staying in a relationship like that.

My husband was abusive too but I was scared to leave him as our baby was so young.

I took the sensible route (HA! Thinking he may give me a sensible response!) and told him I want to move out and live in a flat and would he mind paying rent - on a temporary basis only - because i needed space and time to heal!

He refused!

Stupid me for asking!

I then suggested I get a full-time job to pay my own rent while putting our baby in nursery. So that way I'm not dependant on him.

NO again.

I was Trapped!

I couldn't do all of thus behind his back so i stupidly stayed. Got badly depressed. And 2yrs ago he started divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour!

Having read your story I'm now realising the HUGE issues I would have faced doing what you did.

And I WISH I had done what you did!

Now I'm abusive one in the divorce! All the acusations he has made about me are all about him!

He is an adult man! What abuse is he reporting by you? It’s some kind of a bullshit.

2 years divorce? Is he filthy rich?

Hi Gemitati

I don't think he is filthy rich but he earns a large salary and had a rich dad. He accused me of domestic abuse he AFTER shouted in my face what a sad loser I am, even though I was chronically depressed!

He took minor situations between us, and twisted them to make them look Worse than they actually are.

click to expand

Oh shit! I wish you to get out of it in one piece.🙌

Well your child is no longer a baby and at 5 probably attends a school. You should get a job and work while your child is in school. Save ALL of that money so you can afford a place for you and your child to live. Once you find a place for you and your child, file for divorce and child support. You should be able to make it alone with your job plus child support.