Now what is HE up to? (Page 2)

"I'd like to keep talking to him but I don't want to be
the one that is initiating. He found me on Mssgr one night
and started up ..."

Looks like he initiated this... had you and he not talked for a while?

"...then we were supposed to chat again and
it never happened."

Nobody initiated?

"Then I text him like 2 weeks after that
with that little flirty thing I mentioned to which he
responded right away a couple times. "

Good, good. He sees you are still there.

"Then I waited again
til today and now, nothing. He hasn't been online, nada..."

How long did you wait -- he could have been online trying to find you, then gave up. ?

"not to initiate
any contact otherwise I'll never know if he comes to me on his own."

BullSh1t, I initiated after over a year of not talking -- wrong timing. But he was GLAD to hear from me. We are still together. Communication is important.

Follow your gut. You know this guy better than any of us. You are someone special to him.

Ferdy, let me tell you a story. I went to college. Yes, it really is true.

Anyway, in true Jase fashion, he called me up the day before I left cuz he'd been ?deep thinking?. He said ?I think you and I just need to be friends?. Mind you this was right after him being so loving the weekend before and everything seemed to be going great. But then, you quickly learn with scorps that when everything is going great, they're just about to go bad, cuz he'll throw something into the woodwork to make it so.

So why did he do this? Well...my college was going to be a 3 hour drive away from him...and we all know how scorps feel about long distance.

I was raging deep inside cuz I couldn't believe how he didn't trust ?us? and the bond we shared just cuz of a few hours in a friggin car. Anyways...I calmly said ?ok? and put the phone down. Then I was gone.

I didn't contact him and he didn't contact me. 2 or 3 months later I get a phone call...and guess who was checking up on me? He started with the small talk but I was on my way out for a party. Somewhere he threw in the ?have you been dating ?? card. I was like, I've been hanging around, just getting to know people.

Silence.

That was my cue to get the hell off that phone call. Which I promptly did. Anyways, he called again a week later...once again just to ?check up on me?. Before I knew it, he was ?checking up on me? every friggin day.

Until I finally said, Jase you need to get a life. We're just friends and I cant be talking to you for hours every day.

Two weeks later, he showed up on my doorstep. Yep, he'd driven 3 hours to see me. Those 3 hours he'd originally been afraid of. And then.........we were in a long distance relationship.

The moral of the story...you need to be patient. It doesn't work any other way. AND...even though you know he's telling you a bunch of crap like you can actually be friends when there's an attraction beyond that, just go with it. He needs to feel in control. When he changes his mind, he'll feel he did it on his own even though YOU know better. Dont do the whining....chasing thing.

Ferdy, be strong !

?So, now I do nothing again....patience, right.?

Right.

I know you can't see it right now hon, but you're making progress with him. Don't let anyone tell you different or cast doubts on you that he doesn't care. He does.

Remember that thread I wrote about pushing through his gate? Go back and read it cuz now is the time when you really need to just wait at that gate. Waiting doesn't literally mean, wait by the phone. Just get on with life as normal. Live.

Scorp men's biggest problem is that they think too much...and create problems where there are none. You know how virgos can drive you insane with all their external analysis? Well...while virgos drive everyone else insane, scorp men drive themselves insane...cuz they obsessively analyse things they're not sure of. But they do this internally...within themselves.

He's not sure of this long distance thing so you not contacting him first will give him space to analyse it thoroughly in order to come to the conclusion that he wants you. They love to take the long road. It'll also allow him to think up how the two of you can make it work.

Now if you're constantly trying to contact him...even though you may not think this yourself, or even be doing anything to that effect, he will conclude that you're putting him under pressure and then he'll explode on you. They do NOT cope well under pressure...at all. And right now, he's under pressure. Pressure of caring about you...but there's a distance.

Try not to be on IM too often...or even at all. The more you communicate with him at this time when he's still a little confused, the more you expose your relationship to the possibility of pointless arguments.

He'll call you when he wants to hear your voice. Then you can catch up. He'll also make it clear when he wants to take things further...like maybe show up at your doorstep...lol.

Don't start freaking out thinking he'll forget you. They NEVER forget anything or anyone good. And you're good for him Ferdy. He knows that. You have strength and stability. It might just take him a little longer than most to accept it...but given time and space...he WILL accept it.

I'd recommend that you let him come to you first...mainly because you know what you want with no reservations. He's the one confused and he's the one feeling the pressure...so he needs to feel he's coming to you out of his own will.

However, if your personality requires you to get in touch, then by all means do so...but dont do it out of fear he'll forget you. That fear will lead to panic and it will show in your communication as desperation...which he will sense and then it will just make him feel pressure and you're on that vicious circle again.

Tread carefully. You really need to give him space to make his own decision. One month? Two months? Three months? Give him that time....cuz hon, when he makes that decision, you'll be complaining about how possessive he is and how he calls you so much.

They switch like light bulbs. When he decides he wants you, you'll start asking yourself if this is the same person who was holding back before.

Ferdy,

I just read your post about the conversation of an LDR with your man.

Where he said "he wouldn't want me to leave and would want to spend every day with me"

Believe him when says this. I don't care what anybody says on this board to the contrary. He means this.

You: "from that point point on I decided to back off because I just realized he needs to come to me...so I did good and he kept signing onto Mssgr like baiting me or something."

Wrong to back off. He is Not baiting you, just Waiting for your response. He meant what he said.

You: "Then one day, I said ah screw it - I sent him a text."

Good. You did the right thing.

You: " That night he found me on mssgr cuz I signed on all day to see if he'd message me. He said we'd continue the next night. "


Good. He wanted to talk to you. He wanted to talk to you.

You: "I did not sign on because I didn't see him on there and I didn't want to be let down in case I signed on and he didn't. "

Wrong. He let you know he wanted to talk to you. Ok, you thought he may be playing a game, but you didn't know that for sure. Next time, sign on. If you don't get him, let him know that you were there and ask him Where was he? Believe me, this works better. At least he knows you are still interested and not fooling around. If he is (just fooling around = playing with your head), then dump him. He's not the scorpio man you want.

You: "Leads us to last week's cute little text exchange where I said "If I were there I wouldn't let any women get in my way" he said "haha, no one is breaking my door down" and it cont'd from there. "

Great for you! You have got to listen to this man, Ferdy. He is responding positively to what you said.

You: "AZ was a nicer place when you were here" I guess there really isn't anything to respond TOO but he always says "thank you"..."

SAY what you mean, Ferdy. 🙂 That statement is vague, but he could read alot into it, but he would probably PREFER you to SAY what you mean by that. :-)

You: "Maybe he found someone from last week to now!"

He said no one was knocking his door down. Listen to him, Ferdy dear. You are not listening... :-)

Ferdy, I see Newbie has posted, I didn't read her post yet, so I don't know what you have decided to do. But to answer your question to me, yes, my SO (significant other, is that what you mean?) is a scorpio man. I am an aquarius/sun, and have alot of water and earth in my chart. Some fire, not much air.

Yes, you must communicate with him. It really doesn't matter who starts it. Leave the tricks for kids. If you want this man, then be a woman and learn about him. Not just as a scorpio, but as a man. If he is not a "grown" man (meaning at the level of maturity you want him to be), then at least you found out his immaturity and can make an intelligent decision to either pursue and see if he is willing to grow and develop more into the man he is created to be and become the partner you want in your life, or if he is not mentally ready to take that trip with you. Women give up on men to quickly sometimes, but yet we want them to stick around and "get" (= understand, accept, support) us. What a double-standard. :-\

Either way, he will respect you for being yourself. This man, as a scorpio, is very sensitive. "Sensitive" not necessarily to mean "touchy or pouty" that he can't take truth, but sensitive meaning he is deciphering everything you say, how you say it, what you look like, how you smell, body language, etc., etc., etc. You feel me? I don't care what stage of development he is at emotionally, physically, chronologically, or mentally, he is smart. He will value you more if you just be real with him. Just like you are on this board, Ferdy. Let him see this side of you. You may be surprised how he will respond to you.

"he wouldn't want me to leave and would want to spend every day with me"

Ferdy,

Look at this way. He can't get to know you if you are not in his presence. This man wants to understand you so that he can know you and if/how you and he will get along. Actually, that kind of attention is awesome, especially because all this attention is so that he can know what makes you happy, sad, frustrated, etc. so that he will know if he can or wants to be the best partner for you. He also wants to see if you want to get to know him. Yes, he is mysterious, secretive, all the books say so. But not when it comes to the ones he cares about. He can be very revealing, but only if he knows you can understand him.

You can DO this, Ferdy.

MsPisces, although I admire many of your comments on this board on several topics, I hope you are not including me in your comment about women on this board who are trying to convince Ferdy to hang in there with this man just because he is a scorpio. He is a man, first, and if you will read my post, you will see that for me, THAT FACT, is what needs to be understood, moreso than star sign. Regardless of what, sun signs DO play a part in a person's "make-up" and as this is the scorpio board, it makes absolute sense to include his sun sign as a part of him to consider in the path to understand him. I've been with quite a few men in my life, and they do not all act the same, even though they are the same gender. So whatever can help distinguish them -- one from the other -- is useful, wouldn't you say? Don't be so quick to judge that my sole source of reference is his star sign.

Ms. A you are putting way too much into this cyber fantasy... I think it is enjoyment for him nothing more. For goodness sake!

Ferdy said: "Um, MSA had 3 current threads...I happen to have latched on to one of them
I'll buzz now......"

LMAO! Was it three? 🙂

You should continue getting what you can from this thread. I couldn't strike it now if I wanted to.

I won't even try to re-jack it. lol. 😉

With that said, QS, I will respond to your post in the other thread. 🙂