The Bull with an Arrow: Chapter 1

I'm a Sag women with Venus in Scorpio

He's a Taurus Man with Venus in Cancer

We have been together 8 months and In love with getting to know each other daily.

This is about my conflict with my Taurus negative traits of Stubbornness, Procrastination and Fear of Risk. Largely with Communication when it comes to his personal life.



My beautiful sweet and emotional Taurus is so in his head and hates to bring things to the surface.

Our relationship would be so surface level if I didn't pry into his inner feelings when I notice. I want to know my Taurus on a deeper level, I'm his partner and if he cant talk to me about anything who can he talk to?

My Taurus had some issues with his family after his parents divorce. they divorced about a year or less before we started dating, and i know that was hard for him because one of the first real conversations we ever had he opened up to me about how that happened and how it was weird currently..... But from what I can gather by observation he's upset because he doesn't like how the family dynamic has changed. I think he doesn't know nor want to adjust to the change and he resents his family now for it being different. BUT he's an adult, living on his own, with his own life.... I don't understand why its so hard on him because he's not at home like a child would be. he has a great up bring from what i can tell. (my parents are however still together after 31 years)

but its clear he loves his family and wants to better his individual relationships but he avoids.

avoids the conversation about his feels on the divorce in general topic with me, sometimes he slips and makes a comment that helps me. he also avoids telling his feelings to his mom and dad, as a matter of fact he straight avoids them all together, their calls, emails or invites. his own mother had to show up at his work when she was in town because he was avoiding her so hard. he made her sounds crazy at first until I started to put piece together. he went to his brothers college graduation and sat somewhere completely different from his family and only saw them to take a picture with his brother and leave. he cancels plans to have dinner with his dad. and hardly ever sees his brother. but I know he doesn't want that because he talks fondly about them and he talks about the good up bring he had with detailed memories. i know he misses them.

But oh man as a sag, I'm really good at investigating and seeing things for that why are. i'm very good at communicating and even better at listening and observing. I only ask questions. I like to make people think, to help them find perspective that might change the situation. People can be very closed minded when they are in conflict or emotion and sometimes some says something to you and your like "your right, I didn't think about it like that", ...... well he hates it, not because i am wrong but because he doesn't want to think about it. he hates that I want to talk, and that he has to answer. I ask him questions that make him think about why he is doing what he is doing and it makes him mad, defensive and every bent with emotion. like I'm judging him. (I support him no matter if I disagree, id be lying if i said there wasn't a little judgment because i know he is stubborn, or inflexible or closed minded at times) and I tell him that I ask because I love him, and want him to be happy and I also want to better understand his thought process. I hate that he denies himself from moving past this feeling he has.... like he doesn't want to deal so he digs a hole and try's to bury it instead of seeing it for what it is and what he wants it to be and what is could be and working toward getting him there. like no effort made just sitting pretty in his resentment.

am I digging too much?

anyways I asked him the other day why he cant go to his family reunion. its seems like his entire family has made efforts to get him out there... so many efforts that he said that he would go... his brother offered to drive him, but he leaves to early for him to leave work. his sister who lives overseas is going to be there and she legit JUST GOT ENGAGED and he has talked about wanting to see her while since she is in the states for the summer, his dad wants him to go because its all his dads family and cousins who he says he used to be close with growing up and how fun it would be as an adults to get together again... and his mom lives where the reunion is so he has a chance to see his mom who also offered to fly him out there.... since she probably wants to see him too. but he forgot we has $ 40 dollar concert tickets to a show that Friday with an artist we have seen tons of times and will see again for sure. but when he remembered the concert ticket he was like WELP I cant go then.

I told him I thought he should go and I don't understand why he is saying he cant. he has a flights, a ride and he can check off all the things on the list in one tiny weekend regarding giving his family what they have been wanting from him for almost 2 years, which is his time.

but he says no, AVOID.

but you know me, I kept digging with my questions "why cant you do this" "what about this" "I bet they would like this" he was getting so made and has no real reason why except he doesn't want to go and he cant. I finally got so direct with him and told him " your being so stubborn, your family wants to see you" and he said he doesn't want to go and then I said " its not about you, its about doing something for the people you love wither you like it or not" - its the perfect opportunity in so many ways

honestly I don't know why I had to say that because its really not my place. I just feel like he needs to hear it though. i have a feeling he might regret. and i feel like i need to speak on his family behalf (whom I don't know and haven't even met)

you know when someone is sad, or just consumed with emotion and you can see it on their face and it kind of makes you feel sad for them which changes your energy. that's how I feel when he talks about his family. and i just want things to be good, for his energy and mine.

anyways. we got into an argument. but he also agreed that I was calling him out on his shit. and that the things I was saying was something he knew and has thought about and that I am getting him in a way that is intense because i'm making him face the issues. so my actions and feels are validated. and he knows I don't know that much but i'm saying a lot of truth. so we aren't fighting, although we got loud we weren't fighting ( i would never be intentionally hurtful to him but i will be honest)

Now see i don't know why i had to get in his business like that i could have let him deal with it on his own and tred lightly and asked less questions or just accepted his BS excuses because his family matters don't directly effect my life but i think i did it because of how upset he got when he was asked to open up a little....he gets so upset the second he was asked to answer a tough personal question, and how am I suppose to be with someone who is so closed. what happens when he have to talk about us, our relationship, or conflicts. its feels to me our relationship is still so surface level. I wanna get past that. its like he doesn't trust me yet and I don't know what else I can do for him to feel confident that no matter what he does or what happens I always want the best and will never intentionally betray his trust. also i don't want to be afraid of his anger when i want to talk about scary things...

like my son, and his dad, and our future... the scary parts that need answers. yaknow.

currently trying to deal and figure it out because im invested in this relationship, the good and the not so good.

welp , that felt good to let out. thanks for reading my diary lol.

feel free to give me your thoughts. I love insight and perspective.

What's his moon and mercury?

Posted by TaurusinTexas
What's his moon and mercury?

I believe its Moon and Mercury in Aries

(he doesn't like my astrology when it comes to him, Go figure so he wont tell me the exact time he was born, but he said he was born in early morning so i assume 2am)

His Mercury in Aries says He makes quick decisions, streamlines learning, is direct and straightforward in speech, possesses an innocent charm, and can easily motivate others with his enthusiasm. Loves a heated dispute. Lively mind which quickly understands a given situation. He is very resourceful and capable. Prefers to jump into a decision and doesn't have much patience with pretense.

-i don't think i really understand that yet... with him.

I agree with Tiz.

I also commented to your post in the other thread so I'll add it here

Posted by jeane
My partner took a long time to truly open up to me.

He hated (and still does) my digging. I found the more I tried to get him to open up, the more he would clam up on me. I understand that because it's exactly what I do as well.

Anyway things changed when I gave up trying to pry and just accepted him and his silence on certain topics. These days he will either spill the beans without being prompted or a lone question will have him off and running.

I wouldnt dare tell him what to do though. I did that early on and it didn't get me the result I was after. Lesson learned. He's a grown ass man, he can do and feel and react any way he pleases. I might offer an opinion but that's it.

Also agree with tiz

Just give him time to open up on his own.

Btw I'm sag in relationships with a Taurus.

It's not easy just take patience & lots of understanding.

I think eight months is still rather early to expect him to lay his life open on the floor for all to see. Especially in a family situation with family you know little to nothing about and who you have not met.

I think your digging and pushing may well come in handy at a later date but for now, I think as others have said, you're coming off far too pushy and it's hard to get the result you want from pushing a bull in that way.

I'm a Scorp Sun and Venus but with Sag rising and Merc. My partner is Taurus Sun with Venus and Merc in Aries. It took him about a year to start opening up and involving me more in his life. I met his parents, and his sister and her husband and daughter at about 7/8 months. We had Xmas with his family. It took about a year for me to meet some of his friends in a social setting although I'd met one or two different ones prior to that.

He may regret his decision to not meet up with his family. He may think you're right. You probably are. However, he needs to come to this conclusion himself and not because you're pushing him. I think had this been two years in then it might be more helpful but for now it just seems too early. What's the rush?

I didn't read your whole post. But here's my 2¢.....

You're a Sagittarius. You've known him 8 months.

Stop meddling. Stop the self righteous crap. Stop talking on his family's behalf. Stop the sanctimonious shit. Stop the "here's the truth!" Bull shit. Stop being the annoying know it all, pain in the ass.

You're dealing with a grown man, who has his own mind and heart. What is true for you, is YOUR truth. What is true for others is true for THEM. You don't get it? Well, start. You're a big girl now, aren't you?

He's stubborn and procrastinates. He's a Taurus. No surprises there.

TRUTH.

Stop being the do gooder for the "good" of everyone else. They don't need it. He's a grown man that has to get through this himself. Or not. You don't have to like it and you don't have to stick around. If you were invested in this relationship three or five or ten years.... if you were committed to each other for the long haul, I'd say you'd have more of a point in what you are doing. And even then, you'd do better not endlessly harping on shit.

Live and let live. Stop trying to shove what YOU believe is the "ABSOLUTE" and "INDISPUTABLE" truth on this guy.

And, if some day you decide to stomp away because he doesn't agree with you 100% on everything you think he should, doesn't let you be right about everything, I'm sure you'll both be all right.

There's nothing I hate more than people trying to pry their way into my thoughts. Stop doing that. You're gonna push him away even more. My bf is a Taurus, and I used to do this to him, and it pushed him away. Like AgentP said, it's way too early for you to expect him to just lay everything out there. He'll tell you his thoughts when he wants to.

Omg tl:dr

Chapter 1—

Cliffnotes please

well.

Im shook.

did not realize. I appreciate the honesty and insight and ill try to do better.

I also cant help who I am in moments that I feel passionate about.

I hope this is something I can actually adjust

eeek

ok ok I have a question then.....

you guys are totally right, and given all your comments and time for me to reflect I totally get it.

now my child is out of town for the month (summer) I see him on weekends when im not working but iv basically been with my Taurus 5 days straight for the last 3 weeks.

maybe we just have been around each other so closely that its made me too comfortable.

or maybe his emotional energy is rubbing off on me negatively and i'm wanting to change.

ill admit though he did thank me and he also told me he loves me so much. since that argument hes been going through a couple other things with his friend and his energy is seriously not the norm for what I know and love, which is understandable but still because we are around each other so much it might be effecting me.

I asked him yesterday. if he needed some space after reflecting on your comments. I asked him if us spending so much time together lately was becoming a little overwhelming. and I say this very open and understanding to him. but he said no, he said that if I wasn't here he would just be in his head.

he also thanked me for rationalizing with him and also got some validation from me ( im not good at validating my feels) that im on his team, that I can tell his energy is off and that I just want him to be happy. he is still forsure not going to see his family and I have not mentioned the top again. do I think I will. but just because I feel those positives about it I also still think that we might need some space.

I feel bad now for doing that. meddling in is business

no my fear is, he said he doesn't need space but maybe I really need space and I read and have been led to believe that when the sag gives a Taurus space (fall back a little) it might hurt the Taurus in a negative way. that hey tend to get in there head about things going wrong.

now im worried im going to upset him.

Posted by AgentP911
I think eight months is still rather early to expect him to lay his life open on the floor for all to see. Especially in a family situation with family you know little to nothing about and who you have not met.

I think your digging and pushing may well come in handy at a later date but for now, I think as others have said, you're coming off far too pushy and it's hard to get the result you want from pushing a bull in that way.

I'm a Scorp Sun and Venus but with Sag rising and Merc. My partner is Taurus Sun with Venus and Merc in Aries. It took him about a year to start opening up and involving me more in his life. I met his parents, and his sister and her husband and daughter at about 7/8 months. We had Xmas with his family. It took about a year for me to meet some of his friends in a social setting although I'd met one or two different ones prior to that.

He may regret his decision to not meet up with his family. He may think you're right. You probably are. However, he needs to come to this conclusion himself and not because you're pushing him. I think had this been two years in then it might be more helpful but for now it just seems too early. What's the rush?

thank you for this. I totally am rushing aren't I.

I suppose im being impatient. I would like to meet his family one day and I find it sad that he has such a withdrawl with them. it also makes me said that he feels so disconnected from people he thought cared about him ( friends and family - he expressed to me on his own from time to time)

maybe its our age.

Im 31 and he's 26

I also am a mother and have a pretty lowkey life for the sake of balance and stability for my child

he does not have anything holding him back and im not she he knows what he wants yet.

hes open to me, and im sure he has thought about my son and how my life could work with his life and vise versa. i don't know though. it seems to me that i always bring up topics regarding our relationship or other things that he always shuts down right away and it makes me made. and scares me because i don't want to invest my heart into someone who might not want this life with a person like me.

fear.

I agree totally with the responses.

One never knows the emotions of a Taurus because we will figure it out by ourselves in our own way and if we are then not happy with the outcome, we will change it. That, no one will ever change. It is ours, we own it even if we don't own up to it because we might still be a tad immature but it is what it is.

His emotional behavior to me makes sense. He is pulling away from his family because it hurts him to be so close right now. It doesn't mean he won't be able to deal with this in the long run.

Patience

Let him work this one out by himself and stop trying to make him into something you think he should be. That isn't going to work well.

Posted by sagittariusxo

Posted by AgentP911
I think eight months is still rather early to expect him to lay his life open on the floor for all to see. Especially in a family situation with family you know little to nothing about and who you have not met.

I think your digging and pushing may well come in handy at a later date but for now, I think as others have said, you're coming off far too pushy and it's hard to get the result you want from pushing a bull in that way.

I'm a Scorp Sun and Venus but with Sag rising and Merc. My partner is Taurus Sun with Venus and Merc in Aries. It took him about a year to start opening up and involving me more in his life. I met his parents, and his sister and her husband and daughter at about 7/8 months. We had Xmas with his family. It took about a year for me to meet some of his friends in a social setting although I'd met one or two different ones prior to that.

He may regret his decision to not meet up with his family. He may think you're right. You probably are. However, he needs to come to this conclusion himself and not because you're pushing him. I think had this been two years in then it might be more helpful but for now it just seems too early. What's the rush?

thank you for this. I totally am rushing aren't I.

I suppose im being impatient. I would like to meet his family one day and I find it sad that he has such a withdrawl with them. it also makes me said that he feels so disconnected from people he thought cared about him ( friends and family - he expressed to me on his own from time to time)

maybe its our age.

Im 31 and he's 26

I also am a mother and have a pretty lowkey life for the sake of balance and stability for my child

he does not have anything holding him back and im not she he knows what he wants yet.

hes open to me, and im sure he has thought about my son and how my life could work with his life and vise versa. i don't know though. it seems to me that i always bring up topics regarding our relationship or other things that he always shuts down right away and it makes me made. and scares me because i don't want to invest my heart into someone who might not want this life with a person like me.

fear.

click to expand

Hmm. I would be very careful not to mother him. Its hard to avoid that track given your ages and your experience but perhaps if it is something you are conscious of, then you can put yourself in check when you start to behave that way.

After all, no one wants to be in a relationship with their mother.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by sagittariusxo


he also thanked me for rationalizing with him and also got some validation from me ( im not good at validating my feels) that im on his team, that I can tell his energy is off and that I just want him to be happy.

To me this is the sweet spot.

More I got experience under my belt as a man, more I realised partners who can keep it in this sweet spot are all I need and more.

When I was younger I used to give it a shot with women who would just go overboard and say too much.

"Do you like it when I call you on your shit? Do you like that your mother likes me? Does it make me indispensable in your life?"

Honest answer is: No I never did like it LOL and no it doesn't.

It's fine to open about your own fear btw. (With him I mean, not here). I see it as you bringing up whether he "needs space" as classic deflection. Classic. Own your own feelings, you'll feel better than deflecting them and making it out like he's the one who's afraid.

Just be real with him when you're ready and you never know, once you show that you're handling your own fears you might find he'll surprise you with how much he's ready to support you too.

click to expand

totally - Taurus will usually find a way when it's comfortable enough to just breathe and let it out - personally I abhor constant scrutinizing of how I am and how I am not and what I should be and why do I do it this way - buzzy flies get swatted

let me be and work with me and we shall see

if you show me you are there just to try to truly "understand" me and that you will take the time to sit with me, I will find a way to be able to communicate

Posted by over_thinker

Posted by tiziani
The healthiest relationships I've had with a partner is where they trust me to make my own judgements, I trust them to make theirs and we offer each other support openly.

Timing is never going to be perfect and sometimes arguments are going to happen.

But in your case it sounds like you are way overstepping the boundary of that support, into doing way too much.

Each partner should always feel comfortable to say their piece and share their views but after that it's time to fall back and let the other experience life at their own pace.

No more, no less.

And when it comes to healthy communication it is far more than just thoughts/talking. You don't have to talk about everything. It can breed resentment just have to drag every nuance down into words. There's a whole spectrum of sharing beyond that, try maybe to do some activities together where you can both express your frustrations in a healthier way.

My 2 cents.

wow, so neat and clean and tight without any use of astrology. Yes Experience matters.

click to expand

I see the astrology in there but yes, his observation and insight and experience is as elegant as it is priceless. I've never heard anyone else ever describe as such an understanding of this sign - which happens to be my own so I know and feel what he is saying is so true. It's enlightening and appreciated.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by sagittariusxo


he also thanked me for rationalizing with him and also got some validation from me ( im not good at validating my feels) that im on his team, that I can tell his energy is off and that I just want him to be happy.

To me this is the sweet spot.

More I got experience under my belt as a man, more I realised partners who can keep it in this sweet spot are all I need and more.

When I was younger I used to give it a shot with women who would just go overboard and say too much.

"Do you like it when I call you on your shit? Do you like that your mother likes me? Does it make me indispensable in your life?"

Honest answer is: No I never did like it LOL and no it doesn't.

click to expand

@tiziani - I like you. thank you for such honestly

can you explain a little more about the sweet spot? i don't think i understand that part and whether i did the right or wrong thing?



you are correct tho when it comes to deflecting. i see what i did there.

i 100% have fears of our relationship because i know that he hasn't 100% sure about alot of things. and neither am i, i suppose.

I have never been a commitment person. and to say i don't think i could ever get married because committing myself to one person for 50 years is too long of a time... i usually say maybe 20 years, when im old and need a best friend to die with.

but he has caught my attention and now im considering to possibility of him being the one. im 31 and if he ever wants children i would need to know, and i guess this is that moment in a women's life were the realize the clock is ticking lol) and to add to that im so damn impatient. im trying i swear to be patient with him because i knew this entire time that i have to be with him. but im scratching on the inside for more understanding to how this is going to work out.

and how can i bring these fears up to him without freaking him out, or without him getting so dismissive.

to be dismissed is really hard for me especially when i just built up the strength to talk about something i need and immediately get shut down.

so although our right was very personally to his life this time im looking at it and fighting for it because im actually fearful of him dismissing me when i ask him if he wants to be more involved ( ie. my child's life) because lets face it i would love the help and the support.

whoa.

im seriously in an emotional place right now that i had not really realized until this moment.

Posted by jeane

Posted by sagittariusxo

Posted by AgentP911
I think eight months is still rather early to expect him to lay his life open on the floor for all to see. Especially in a family situation with family you know little to nothing about and who you have not met.

I think your digging and pushing may well come in handy at a later date but for now, I think as others have said, you're coming off far too pushy and it's hard to get the result you want from pushing a bull in that way.

I'm a Scorp Sun and Venus but with Sag rising and Merc. My partner is Taurus Sun with Venus and Merc in Aries. It took him about a year to start opening up and involving me more in his life. I met his parents, and his sister and her husband and daughter at about 7/8 months. We had Xmas with his family. It took about a year for me to meet some of his friends in a social setting although I'd met one or two different ones prior to that.

He may regret his decision to not meet up with his family. He may think you're right. You probably are. However, he needs to come to this conclusion himself and not because you're pushing him. I think had this been two years in then it might be more helpful but for now it just seems too early. What's the rush?

thank you for this. I totally am rushing aren't I.

I suppose im being impatient. I would like to meet his family one day and I find it sad that he has such a withdrawl with them. it also makes me said that he feels so disconnected from people he thought cared about him ( friends and family - he expressed to me on his own from time to time)

maybe its our age.

Im 31 and he's 26

I also am a mother and have a pretty lowkey life for the sake of balance and stability for my child

he does not have anything holding him back and im not she he knows what he wants yet.

hes open to me, and im sure he has thought about my son and how my life could work with his life and vise versa. i don't know though. it seems to me that i always bring up topics regarding our relationship or other things that he always shuts down right away and it makes me made. and scares me because i don't want to invest my heart into someone who might not want this life with a person like me.

fear.

Hmm. I would be very careful not to mother him.

After all, no one wants to be in a relationship with their mother.

click to expand

ahhhhh omg. no i do not want that.

its in me though. its in my personality, its also who i am because i am a mother

i need to figure out how to keep my mouth shut.

SHOOK AF

QUESTION!



its been 3 days.

should i apologize for my actions.

im sorry for meddling? for being to aggressive with my opinion?

im on your team and need to do better with just being there when you need me?

and not assuming im needed? i feel horrible now and i want to openly voice that so that i put it out there into the universe to help me do better in the future.

Posted by sagittariusxo

Posted by tiziani

Posted by sagittariusxo


he also thanked me for rationalizing with him and also got some validation from me ( im not good at validating my feels) that im on his team, that I can tell his energy is off and that I just want him to be happy.

To me this is the sweet spot.

More I got experience under my belt as a man, more I realised partners who can keep it in this sweet spot are all I need and more.

When I was younger I used to give it a shot with women who would just go overboard and say too much.

"Do you like it when I call you on your shit? Do you like that your mother likes me? Does it make me indispensable in your life?"

Honest answer is: No I never did like it LOL and no it doesn't.

@tiziani - I like you. thank you for such honestly

can you explain a little more about the sweet spot? i don't think i understand that part and whether i did the right or wrong thing?



you are correct tho when it comes to deflecting. i see what i did there.

i 100% have fears of our relationship because i know that he hasn't 100% sure about alot of things. and neither am i, i suppose.

I have never been a commitment person. and to say i don't think i could ever get married because committing myself to one person for 50 years is too long of a time... i usually say maybe 20 years, when im old and need a best friend to die with.

but he has caught my attention and now im considering to possibility of him being the one. im 31 and if he ever wants children i would need to know, and i guess this is that moment in a women's life were the realize the clock is ticking lol) and to add to that im so damn impatient. im trying i swear to be patient with him because i knew this entire time that i have to be with him. but im scratching on the inside for more understanding to how this is going to work out.

and how can i bring these fears up to him without freaking him out, or without him getting so dismissive.

to be dismissed is really hard for me especially when i just built up the strength to talk about something i need and immediately get shut down.

so although our right was very personally to his life this time im looking at it and fighting for it because im actually fearful of him dismissing me when i ask him if he wants to be more involved ( ie. my child's life) because lets face it i would love the help and the support.

whoa.

im seriously in an emotional place right now that i had not really realized until this moment.

click to expand

I think you need to calm down. I realise because of your child you are looking for assurances but nothing is certain. You have to go with the flow. It's been 8 months and you're already thinking about 20 years down the road and children.

He's 26. Calm down. 31 is not 51. You have time.

You don't have patience? Taurus will teach you that. Chill out. Enjoy what you have.

Posted by sagittariusxo
QUESTION!



its been 3 days.

should i apologize for my actions.

im sorry for meddling? for being to aggressive with my opinion?

im on your team and need to do better with just being there when you need me?

and not assuming im needed? i feel horrible now and i want to openly voice that so that i put it out there into the universe to help me do better in the future.

If you've discussed it and he has said thanks for your concern, I know you care etc etc, leave it alone. It's finished.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by sagittariusxo

Posted by tiziani

Posted by sagittariusxo


he also thanked me for rationalizing with him and also got some validation from me ( im not good at validating my feels) that im on his team, that I can tell his energy is off and that I just want him to be happy.

To me this is the sweet spot.

More I got experience under my belt as a man, more I realised partners who can keep it in this sweet spot are all I need and more.

When I was younger I used to give it a shot with women who would just go overboard and say too much.

"Do you like it when I call you on your shit? Do you like that your mother likes me? Does it make me indispensable in your life?"

Honest answer is: No I never did like it LOL and no it doesn't.

@tiziani - I like you. thank you for such honestly

can you explain a little more about the sweet spot? i don't think i understand that part and whether i did the right or wrong thing?



you are correct tho when it comes to deflecting. i see what i did there.

i 100% have fears of our relationship because i know that he hasn't 100% sure about alot of things. and neither am i, i suppose.

I have never been a commitment person. and to say i don't think i could ever get married because committing myself to one person for 50 years is too long of a time... i usually say maybe 20 years, when im old and need a best friend to die with.

but he has caught my attention and now im considering to possibility of him being the one. im 31 and if he ever wants children i would need to know, and i guess this is that moment in a women's life were the realize the clock is ticking lol) and to add to that im so damn impatient. im trying i swear to be patient with him because i knew this entire time that i have to be with him. but im scratching on the inside for more understanding to how this is going to work out.

and how can i bring these fears up to him without freaking him out, or without him getting so dismissive.

to be dismissed is really hard for me especially when i just built up the strength to talk about something i need and immediately get shut down.

so although our right was very personally to his life this time im looking at it and fighting for it because im actually fearful of him dismissing me when i ask him if he wants to be more involved ( ie. my child's life) because lets face it i would love the help and the support.

whoa.

im seriously in an emotional place right now that i had not really realized until this moment.

What you did/said in your last post that I quoted, that was strong support. It's not too much, not too little.

I can come off dismissive myself when I don't mean to, I hope he doesn't. But for all the stuff you both might be doing "wrong", it counts for more than you sort that out between you both. The first year of any relationship, it's rare for people to be totally in sync on these kind of things.

I don't think you need to apologize for anything. If anything I see it as you need to say less, make it less about him, and focus on you more. Once you're clear on how you feel (and not just how you feel but clear on what you want to do about it for yourself) share that with him. That makes you "present" in a relationship as a partner, hopefully he will respect that, pay it due attentiveness, and not be dismissive of it.

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i see.

i need to take a breath and step the F back.

i seem to be pushing myself a full speed without really knowing what i want

and i seem to be looking to him for understanding on what he wants when we are actually in the same spot. i know that my son means the world and i don't want to intro him to someone with a negative outcome but i cant let that fear consume me the way it is.

when i know what i want and how i feel will be the moment we can have the conversation and move from there. im clearly forcing something because im scared of the unknown,

and your right when that time comes and im sure of what it is for me he will have to be respectful to it and hopefully not dismissive. but we will see and i cant let that fear consume me until then.

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuy

Posted by sagittariusxo
QUESTION!



its been 3 days.

should i apologize for my actions.

im sorry for meddling? for being to aggressive with my opinion?

im on your team and need to do better with just being there when you need me?

and not assuming im needed? i feel horrible now and i want to openly voice that so that i put it out there into the universe to help me do better in the future.

No need to apologise. Just don't push as hard again in future if he doesn't want to talk about something. Just being there will be enough.

Also, if you feel like you're around him too much then spend time away from him. He won't be upset if its only 3 or 4 days out of 7 instead of 5.

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well that's a relief. i was worried about being something up that's already dead.

what should i say to him right? im pretty sure he is assuming we are hanging out when he is off work, how can i suggest space without it seem negative?

I agree with a previous DXP commentator (about not telling him what to do).

I am communicating "early on" with a Taurus as we BOTH have two divorces between us. I told him, "You need to really THINK before jumping into another marriage. As I myself, feel it's OKAY to live with a guy; not run off and get married." He said, "I'm never going to marry again". I told him, "I feel the same way". It's communicating the same subject instead of pointing fingers. I'm NOT his mother. Gave him reasons to think about this since he also said, "I don't want kids anymore, I mean, yeah, I can father them, but I don't want them." I said, "That's right! It will be 18 years of ANOTHER child to have to pay for child support to. You only have two more years to pay child support for your only child. I myself, cannot have children as I tied my tubes. Men like you have to think twice; just like Michael Jackson sings, "Kid is not my son". See....it's the same subject, but I am NOT pointing fingers. His call if he wants to date a woman with "similarities" or not. I am Piscean. I empathize and sympathize; I don't judge, nor do I point fingers.

Balls on his court (your Taurus and the Taurus/Ox I am "slowly" communicating with). Again, I am waiting to have him ask me out and would love to have one on one conversations with him. Maybe he's taking things slow as I am too -- hells bells I was talking to a Cappy for three months -- no sex, no dating, no texting, no calls, nothing! I finally threw in the towel and realized a Cappy isn't for me. "Early Taurus' are 😉

🤗 Cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Posted by tiziani


And when it comes to healthy communication it is far more than just thoughts/talking. You don't have to talk about everything. It can breed resentment just have to drag every nuance down into words. .

I can't stress enough on how important this is. Never believed in "you should talk everything out" kinda things. But of course it's not for everyone. One should be accepting n be able to let few things slide to be able to do this. It's real bliss.