Greylatern, The Laughing Heart
@Lostthoughts
6 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 461 · Posts: 2949 · Topics: 30
[Serious] Changing your mind about a guy
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Age of boy and girl like what? 5?
If I were in a situation like this, I’d stop playing games and be honest with the guy.
Posted by Mactavish_RPosted by Gemitati
Age of boy and girl like what? 5?
More like 50click to expand
Boy of 50? I want to see THE boy! Lmao
Posted by Gemitati
Age of boy and girl like what? 5?
I agree. That is why I basically asked to exclude situational reasons, when you get wiser you realize it's a bullshit.Maturity.
And filtering "sure why not?"relationships by asking a duration of at least 2 years.
Posted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.
Posted by Mactavish_RPosted by GemitatiPosted by Mactavish_RPosted by Gemitati
Age of boy and girl like what? 5?
More like 50
Boy of 50? I want to see THE boy! Lmao
Aren't you already happy with your Aries?click to expand
Yeah...but he ain’t a...boi...
I wouldn’t call him a boy ever.
So I was wondering how old is a boy OP is about?
Btw I am also interested in Girl...🤪
Posted by GemitatiPosted by Mactavish_RPosted by GemitatiPosted by Mactavish_RPosted by Gemitati
Age of boy and girl like what? 5?
More like 50
Boy of 50? I want to see THE boy! Lmao
Aren't you already happy with your Aries?
Yeah...but he ain’t a...boi...
I wouldn’t call him a boy ever.
So I was wondering how old is a boy OP is about?
Btw I am also interested in Girl...🤪click to expand
Not fishing for ideas this is a general question and I'm 35 male.
I have heard a lot of tales of unrequited love, missed opportunities, and just bad ideas in hindsight. No thanks.
I'm looking for realistic successful examples of this situation. From people who have had first or second hand experience. This kind of situation happens often and is a mind trap people have issues overcoming. A successful break throughs is what I'm interested in.
Posted by Lostthoughts
Situation: Guy likes girl and asks her out or makes a move. Girl turns guy down. Guy gets discouraged and let's it go or supresses it.
Girl changes her mind. Makes a move it drops hint. Guy turns her down because she did Early and doesn't trust it. Or more commonly guy completely miss the signals or dismisses it. Girl gets pissy and dismisses him.
This cycle repeats. Until one of them dates someone else then feelings are hurt.
Lol how can either "get their feelings hurt" if their social awkwardness prevents them from even going on one shitty date in the first place?
Ah, kids these days.. how will you manage reproduction?
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by Lostthoughts
Situation: Guy likes girl and asks her out or makes a move. Girl turns guy down. Guy gets discouraged and let's it go or supresses it.
Girl changes her mind. Makes a move it drops hint. Guy turns her down because she did Early and doesn't trust it. Or more commonly guy completely miss the signals or dismisses it. Girl gets pissy and dismisses him.
This cycle repeats. Until one of them dates someone else then feelings are hurt.
Lol how can either "get their feelings hurt" if their social awkwardness prevents them from even going on one shitty date in the first place?
Ah, kids these days.. how will you manage reproduction?click to expand
Thank you for post! A course your right! We are all born with the emotional and mental maturity needed to deal with this situation and every other lesson in life. It is by no means difficult for some people. It just comes naturally 😁
Thank you for your insightful post and please come again!
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.click to expand
It's the pettiness that's snowballing cause if no one was being petty, there would be no miscommunication, you guys would be open to working it out.
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by Lostthoughts
Situation: Guy likes girl and asks her out or makes a move. Girl turns guy down. Guy gets discouraged and let's it go or supresses it.
Girl changes her mind. Makes a move it drops hint. Guy turns her down because she did Early and doesn't trust it. Or more commonly guy completely miss the signals or dismisses it. Girl gets pissy and dismisses him.
This cycle repeats. Until one of them dates someone else then feelings are hurt. The other ending is later down the road they reconnect and in hindsight they realize thier mistake.
Situational reasons(which I think is just mind trap), are the usual excuses I hear for this. Not interested in that. Nor the excuse "well maybe they just didn't feel strongly enough". That's not always the case.
So my question is how have you personally broken this cycle or seen another person do it? Successful relationships only that last at least 2 years or longer please.
personally: if i don´t want to go on a date or am not vibing with someone, nothing will change my mind.
so, what changed the dynamics?click to expand
see qualities in the person that you like. Very few people are a open book. Better to say people are more likely to hide parts of themselves.
Vibes are interesting. They are like a undercurrent in communication. Someone's emotional state can completely change thier vibes.
Posted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.
It's the pettiness that's snowballing cause if no one was being petty, there would be no miscommunication, you guys would be open to working it out.click to expand
So at no point in your life you had this issue?
It's just breathes virgo or virgo placements
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.
It's the pettiness that's snowballing cause if no one was being petty, there would be no miscommunication, you guys would be open to working it out.
So at no point in your life you had this issue?click to expand
Yeah, I'm currently being petty and not communicating with a Virgo that I'm supposed to be dating. 😄
Pride is a muthafucka!
Everyday I miss him and everyday, I still hold strong -All for nothing 🙂
Posted by Weeds
It's just breathes virgo or virgo placements
So how is one supposed to handle Virgos when this happens? How does a person break through?
Posted by saggurl88Posted by Weeds
It's just breathes virgo or virgo placements
So how is one supposed to handle Virgos when this happens? How does a person break through?click to expand
In your case? Ignore your leo mars. Allow your cancer moon to give in and let your sag sun put a smile on there face.
No fucking reason other then to break the silence and get that shit off your chest.
Then never acknowledge the silence ever happened.
Posted by Raakac
Instead of woman droping a hint she should grow some and ask him, considering he did that before. If he declines you can move on, if he accepts you can work, simple as that, if not, you both can move on, simple as that, stop wasting your and another person's time by overthinking, thinking doesn't get things done, action does.
Yes I'm well aware. That's how you handle this situation. I'm interested in stories of when this went down for a long period of time and someone actually broke the cycle. It's as if you all have forgotten when this has happened to you. As if you were never young and dumb.
Posted by WeedsPosted by saggurl88Posted by Weeds
It's just breathes virgo or virgo placements
So how is one supposed to handle Virgos when this happens? How does a person break through?
In your case? Ignore your leo mars. Allow your cancer moon to give in and let your sag sun put a smile on there face.
No fucking reason other then to break the silence and get that shit off your chest.
Then never acknowledge the silence ever happened.click to expand
Thanks. He posted a video yesterday that had me in it and I replied with some nice words and a heart, so I tried. I just haven't texted in almost 2 weeks, after I hung up on him. I have to find something lighthearted to say.
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by Raakac
Instead of woman droping a hint she should grow some and ask him, considering he did that before. If he declines you can move on, if he accepts you can work, simple as that, if not, you both can move on, simple as that, stop wasting your and another person's time by overthinking, thinking doesn't get things done, action does.
Yes I'm well aware. That's how you handle this situation. I'm interested in stories of when this went down for a long period of time and someone actually broke the cycle. It's as if you all have forgotten when this has happened to you. As if you were never young and dumb.click to expand
Are both of you single now?
Posted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.
It's the pettiness that's snowballing cause if no one was being petty, there would be no miscommunication, you guys would be open to working it out.
So at no point in your life you had this issue?
Yeah, I'm currently being petty and not communicating with a Virgo that I'm supposed to be dating. 😄
Pride is a muthafucka!
Everyday I miss him and everyday, I still hold strong -All for nothing 🙂click to expand
Holy shit someone had the courage to admit it. There is hope for this gaint cycle jerk of a forum.
Unsure how to word this correctly.
As far a sun signs go Virgo has a lot of traits that are similar to cancer but it's expressed mentally. Meaning not engaging a virgo would be similar to ignoring a cancers feelings with similar results. The withdrawing to decompress is common a shared trait too.
It's easier said then done to put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. Vulnerability is not fun. If you bite the bullet and confront him I would be interested in what you had to tell yourself to do it and what nay saying thoughts you had to dismiss or ignore.
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.
It's the pettiness that's snowballing cause if no one was being petty, there would be no miscommunication, you guys would be open to working it out.
So at no point in your life you had this issue?
Yeah, I'm currently being petty and not communicating with a Virgo that I'm supposed to be dating. 😄
Pride is a muthafucka!
Everyday I miss him and everyday, I still hold strong -All for nothing 🙂
Holy shit someone had the courage to admit it. There is hope for this gaint cycle jerk of a forum.
Unsure how to word this correctly.
As far a sun signs go Virgo has a lot of traits that are similar to cancer but it's expressed mentally. Meaning not engaging a virgo would be similar to ignoring a cancers feelings with similar results. The withdrawing to decompress is common a shared trait too.
It's easier said then done to put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. Vulnerability is not fun. If you bite the bullet and confront him I would be interested in what you had to tell yourself to do it and what nay saying thoughts you had to dismiss or ignore.click to expand
Yeah, I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I like putting myself through torture, unfortunately lol
I like loving from a far and missing him, so I don't mind putting myself through this, It helps me to clarify how I feel. The problem is sometimes I do damage by doing this as well.
As far as Virgos being like a Cancer- I have a Cancer moon and have always been like this, so I'm unsure of how to correct my actions. I don't want to be a nuisance.
Posted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by Raakac
Instead of woman droping a hint she should grow some and ask him, considering he did that before. If he declines you can move on, if he accepts you can work, simple as that, if not, you both can move on, simple as that, stop wasting your and another person's time by overthinking, thinking doesn't get things done, action does.
Yes I'm well aware. That's how you handle this situation. I'm interested in stories of when this went down for a long period of time and someone actually broke the cycle. It's as if you all have forgotten when this has happened to you. As if you were never young and dumb.
Are both of you single now?click to expand
This isn't for myself. This is a purely intellectual question. It popped in my head one day and I wanted to hear and understand other people's experiences of this.
If you what to hear my personal experience of this, I recognize in hindsight how foolish I was but I don't hold it against myself. Being vurnerable as a male is still frowned upon. My distrust was short sighted. What mattered is if I was ok with it more so then questioning their motive/intent.
Btw with strong virgo placements. if they think things will not/are not work out or doesn't see a way to work it out, they will walk away. Not hard to change a Virgo's mind when you think about it. If there isn't a strong enough connection though, your better off letting it go.
Posted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.
It's the pettiness that's snowballing cause if no one was being petty, there would be no miscommunication, you guys would be open to working it out.
So at no point in your life you had this issue?
Yeah, I'm currently being petty and not communicating with a Virgo that I'm supposed to be dating. 😄
Pride is a muthafucka!
Everyday I miss him and everyday, I still hold strong -All for nothing 🙂
Holy shit someone had the courage to admit it. There is hope for this gaint cycle jerk of a forum.
Unsure how to word this correctly.
As far a sun signs go Virgo has a lot of traits that are similar to cancer but it's expressed mentally. Meaning not engaging a virgo would be similar to ignoring a cancers feelings with similar results. The withdrawing to decompress is common a shared trait too.
It's easier said then done to put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. Vulnerability is not fun. If you bite the bullet and confront him I would be interested in what you had to tell yourself to do it and what nay saying thoughts you had to dismiss or ignore.
Yeah, I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I like putting myself through torture, unfortunately lol
I like loving from a far and missing him, so I don't mind putting myself through this, It helps me to clarify how I feel. The problem is sometimes I do damage by doing this as well.
As far as Virgos being like a Cancer- I have a Cancer moon and have always been like this, so I'm unsure of how to correct my actions. I don't want to be a nuisance.click to expand
Tell him yiu need time to yourself from time to time. Everyone understands that and less chance of misunderstandings. I have always considered it a honor when someone like that lets me in during that period. Even if we are just spend time quietly watching TV sitting on the couch under the blankets all night. It's a form of intamacy people forget about/under value.
Just make sure your not missing the idea of him rather then actually him.
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by Raakac
Instead of woman droping a hint she should grow some and ask him, considering he did that before. If he declines you can move on, if he accepts you can work, simple as that, if not, you both can move on, simple as that, stop wasting your and another person's time by overthinking, thinking doesn't get things done, action does.
Yes I'm well aware. That's how you handle this situation. I'm interested in stories of when this went down for a long period of time and someone actually broke the cycle. It's as if you all have forgotten when this has happened to you. As if you were never young and dumb.
Are both of you single now?
This isn't for myself. This is a purely intellectual question. It popped in my head one day and I wanted to hear and understand other people's experiences of this.
If you what to hear my personal experience of this, I recognize in hindsight how foolish I was but I don't hold it against myself. Being vurnerable as a male is still frowned upon. My distrust was short sighted. What mattered is if I was ok with it more so then questioning their motive/intent.
Btw with strong virgo placements. if they think things will not/are not work out or doesn't see a way to work it out, they will walk away. Not hard to change a Virgo's mind when you think about it. If there isn't a strong enough connection though, your better off letting it go.click to expand
He is the one that needs space, so I'm giving it to him. He said being connected to someone is bad for him and he doesn't want to do that again. He said he gets too obsessed and can't focus on his career/life ambitions.
So there's nothing I can do. I told him that it will be one sided then and he can just contact me when he wants to see me.
He can't have it all when he tells me he doesn't want to form any type of connection with me.
Men are always free to leave. I don't keep men if they want to walk away.
This is why I don't mind not reaching out. Virgo men want things on their own time, so it's an easy choice for me to continue to live my life and see if I still like him if/when he comes around again.
I can see why they say Virgos lose women though.
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by saggurl88
If the mistake is realized and they want to finally be together, one needs to stop being petty and they both need to compromise.
Yes petty. You could say that. Most of the time the root cause is miscommunication snowballing.
It's the pettiness that's snowballing cause if no one was being petty, there would be no miscommunication, you guys would be open to working it out.
So at no point in your life you had this issue?
Yeah, I'm currently being petty and not communicating with a Virgo that I'm supposed to be dating. 😄
Pride is a muthafucka!
Everyday I miss him and everyday, I still hold strong -All for nothing 🙂
Holy shit someone had the courage to admit it. There is hope for this gaint cycle jerk of a forum.
Unsure how to word this correctly.
As far a sun signs go Virgo has a lot of traits that are similar to cancer but it's expressed mentally. Meaning not engaging a virgo would be similar to ignoring a cancers feelings with similar results. The withdrawing to decompress is common a shared trait too.
It's easier said then done to put yourself out there and tell him how you feel. Vulnerability is not fun. If you bite the bullet and confront him I would be interested in what you had to tell yourself to do it and what nay saying thoughts you had to dismiss or ignore.
Yeah, I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I like putting myself through torture, unfortunately lol
I like loving from a far and missing him, so I don't mind putting myself through this, It helps me to clarify how I feel. The problem is sometimes I do damage by doing this as well.
As far as Virgos being like a Cancer- I have a Cancer moon and have always been like this, so I'm unsure of how to correct my actions. I don't want to be a nuisance.
Tell him yiu need time to yourself from time to time. Everyone understands that and less chance of misunderstandings. I have always considered it a honor when someone like that lets me in during that period. Even if we are just spend time quietly watching TV sitting on the couch under the blankets all night. It's a form of intamacy people forget about/under value.
Just make sure your not missing the idea of him rather then actually him.click to expand
Thanks. 🙂 I know I miss him and his presence. He's sweet and fun to be around.
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by Lostthoughts
Situation: Guy likes girl and asks her out or makes a move. Girl turns guy down. Guy gets discouraged and let's it go or supresses it.
Girl changes her mind. Makes a move it drops hint. Guy turns her down because she did Early and doesn't trust it. Or more commonly guy completely miss the signals or dismisses it. Girl gets pissy and dismisses him.
This cycle repeats. Until one of them dates someone else then feelings are hurt. The other ending is later down the road they reconnect and in hindsight they realize thier mistake.
Situational reasons(which I think is just mind trap), are the usual excuses I hear for this. Not interested in that. Nor the excuse "well maybe they just didn't feel strongly enough". That's not always the case.
So my question is how have you personally broken this cycle or seen another person do it? Successful relationships only that last at least 2 years or longer please.
are you an air sign?click to expand
At the moment I think yes.
Posted by RaakacPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by Raakac
Instead of woman droping a hint she should grow some and ask him, considering he did that before. If he declines you can move on, if he accepts you can work, simple as that, if not, you both can move on, simple as that, stop wasting your and another person's time by overthinking, thinking doesn't get things done, action does.
Yes I'm well aware. That's how you handle this situation. I'm interested in stories of when this went down for a long period of time and someone actually broke the cycle. It's as if you all have forgotten when this has happened to you. As if you were never young and dumb.
It's all about your character, how you reflect on experiences, how you reflect on the world, people , how you learn and how move on, all that experience makes you who you are. 100different people could have exactly the same exact experience and come out with a different result. It's all about your standards, values, boundaries, the more you grow the more they change, and how they change it depends on you. Some people might lower standards, exchange values and let people walk on boundaries, some people expand on them, some might stay the same to a degree, either way, it depends on you. What you decide to do with your life, what you want to become, the person you want to become. As for dumb it also depends from person's point if view.. To some people i might be dumb to this day, sometimes i take huge risks, and logical people wouldn't do that, they calculate if that's worth it and then either do it or don't do it, that's considered smart right? They might think i'm dumb, but for me it's being brave and following my heart, if it's the thing i love and want or something like that, it's not even a question should i do that or not. It's all about how you see the world because the world, people around you and etc is just your mirror anyways.
To reply to your question i knew a couple that had similar thing, but not exactly same scenario. It was the guy that ignored her, and the girl reached out, after a while that the guy reached out to her, and the girl agreed to have a date even tho she didn't really want to do it, but they went on dating for like 3years, after 3years they got married, been together for 2years as husband and wife. It's not the circle breaking that really matters, it's being aware of why people are acting the way they are and responding the way they are responding to the certain circumastances. It's psychological thing, could be a simple childhood trauma, repressed emotions, words etc. There isn't a single person that's 100% healthy psychologically, if they think they are, they are even more messed up.. With the right partner you can uncover these things and heal them, you have to be open tho, these things comes out when you're having heart to heart relationship, and having a partner that's understanding and supportive of these things really makes a difference, he'll help you go thru that shit... On the other hand the toxic relationship can cause even more trauma , if person had childhood trauma where he couldn't speak up and parent's were yelling on him that he should shut up, don't cry etc,all these emotions and words are stuck in the young kid with all that hurt, as human's we don't want to be sad or hurt so our subconcious helps us, we don't want to feel helpless like that little kid who has emotions , who talks and get's neglected by parents, so what do ? we do the same in teen or even mature age if we didn't work it thru, we don't express words, we don't express emotions, because if you do, you're left feeling like that little kid that had bad experience parents screaming on the poor kid. Shit's deep and if people want to work thru it, either need a psychologist or someone who know's what he's doing, maybe someone into psychology or 2 partners who can stay with each other when these things come out and support each other , no matter what, that's how you heal, and if person isn't understanding and even a little judgemental, same shit follows again and again, like a circle. 😄click to expand
Ah yes thank you for your reply, genuinely this time. I whole hearted agree on all points. Trama really hinders our growth. It needs to be taken more seriously but not indulged.
I love the complexity of people. This situation is so common, to me it seems like a life lesson and right of passage. We all go through it then forget we have. Then become dissmisive and ignore the plight and internal struggle of others. We say "man up" or "just do it" and not take them seriously. Like the early posts on this thread. Who wants to subject themselves to that kind of ridicule. The embarrassment and lack of compassion makes people less likely to ask for help and they swallow it inside. We seriously can be real dicks to each other.
We are all different yet at times the same. This kind of commonality is a example of this. I want to understand this situation better through personal experiences rather then just academically and with my own experiences.
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by NemDeuxPosted by Lostthoughts
Situation: Guy likes girl and asks her out or makes a move. Girl turns guy down. Guy gets discouraged and let's it go or supresses it.
Girl changes her mind. Makes a move it drops hint. Guy turns her down because she did Early and doesn't trust it. Or more commonly guy completely miss the signals or dismisses it. Girl gets pissy and dismisses him.
This cycle repeats. Until one of them dates someone else then feelings are hurt. The other ending is later down the road they reconnect and in hindsight they realize thier mistake.
Situational reasons(which I think is just mind trap), are the usual excuses I hear for this. Not interested in that. Nor the excuse "well maybe they just didn't feel strongly enough". That's not always the case.
So my question is how have you personally broken this cycle or seen another person do it? Successful relationships only that last at least 2 years or longer please.
personally: if i don´t want to go on a date or am not vibing with someone, nothing will change my mind.
so, what changed the dynamics?
see qualities in the person that you like. Very few people are a open book. Better to say people are more likely to hide parts of themselves.
Vibes are interesting. They are like a undercurrent in communication. Someone's emotional state can completely change thier vibes.
not relatable to me. i feel like you´re on some other frequency .....click to expand
Probably :-)
But seriously what does vibes mean to you then?
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Girl changes her mind. Makes a move it drops hint. Guy turns her down because she did Early and doesn't trust it. Or more commonly guy completely miss the signals or dismisses it. Girl gets pissy and dismisses him.
This cycle repeats. Until one of them dates someone else then feelings are hurt. The other ending is later down the road they reconnect and in hindsight they realize thier mistake.
Situational reasons(which I think is just mind trap), are the usual excuses I hear for this. Not interested in that. Nor the excuse "well maybe they just didn't feel strongly enough". That's not always the case.
So my question is how have you personally broken this cycle or seen another person do it? Successful relationships only that last at least 2 years or longer please.