Hot and cold behavior - how long does it last?

I've been dating a Virgo guy - he's 22 - for about a month now and there are times where I honestly don't understand his hot and cold behavior. (By the way, I'm a Gemini with a Moon and Venus Taurus and I'm 21.) We initially met at our local gym and we hit it off instantly. He actually approached me - I didn't even notice him until then because I was "in the zone" while working out - and he offered to help me put weights on a machine I was about to use. He then waited until I completely finish my work out to approach me and made it a point to figure out my schedule, so we would meet at the gym again. The very next day, he was there and we went out to coffee afterward. The following night we went out on a date and it was great. Over the course of those few days though I did notice a couple of things. First being that he did tell me that he has been told quite a number of times that he's "unreadable."

The next and most important, in my opinion, is how hot and cold he can be. He makes it a point to let me know that he wants to go out and he's interested, but wants me to call/text him to make arrangements. When I do, something comes up. Granted, especially over the Holidays, he had an extremely busy schedule. I'm definitely understanding of that, because I put 120% into my studies, so there are times where I put everyone else on the back burner. He also had his mother fracture her neck - thank God there was no injury to the spinal cord - after slipping on some ice. This past weekend he came down with strep throat. To say the least, he's had plenty on his plate and I've been giving him plenty of space, because I know that things are tough.

My issue is that there are times where I get mixed signals from him. Normally at the gym we give each other some space to work out because that's the time to just focus on ourselves. We usually just go up to one another in the beginning - to whomever comes in first - say hello with either a hug or kiss on the cheek, occasionally do an exercise or two together then check in with each other before we leave. Today he came in and didn't say a word to me, although he knew I saw him. It only made me raise my eyebrows more considering that this weekend when I texted him to see how he was feeling - I was going to offer to bring him soup - he never responded. He's done this a few times, whether it's him saying he'll call but he won't, to ignoring me, etc. If there's one thing that I understand is that he has plenty going on...

Patience is not usually my forte, but I'm more than willing to try this out. But my main concern is though - how long does this normally last? The last thing I ever want to do is push him, so I don't really mention it. Only time I did was in a joking manner about how he's going to have to "make it up to me" for turning me down so much, and he responded with "I know and I'm going to, I just have a messed up schedule right now."

So should I just wait this out? Is this his way of testing me? I'm sure there are plenty of Virgo guys - or even those that have experience with them! - that can tell me what I should expect. He seems pretty guarded with his feelings so that could play a part too. Thank you guys so much!

Virgo's don't test people ... they are often cautious/leary of other people's intentions with them ... but, they (males) definitely won't put a test in place to see where you stand with them because that would be too much like a manipulation .... and they have a severe disgust for manipulations.


What it sounds like to me is that he is being a typical Virgo, whom will approach a person immediately if they are attracted because this feeling of attraction is overwhelming, such as it is with everybody when we meet a person to whom sends these signals to us ..... however, since he's a Virgo, which = great caution with emotional expressions, once he put these signals out to you hastily, his emotionally-controlled side kicked in and told him to back off a bit, to do an emotional check.

What you are experiencing is quite normal, so don't freak.


People (non-V's) will submerge themselves into a person to whom there is an attraction, and during this convergance, they will start an analysis of the other person to see if they are right for you. If they aren't right, then break-up is in the future, with intentions of starting a new search for a partner.

That ^^^ is normal for a non-Virgo ... however, abnormal for a Virgo.

Virgo's, once they realize that a person has made them "feel" an attraction is present within them .... they do the analysis to see if this person is a good match for them BEFORE an emotional meld.


Don't worry .. sit tight .. be your normal self that he likes .. and allow him to do his evaluation on you/him/togetherness .. and when he's finished, you'll know because he will do one of two things.

1. Tell you that he really likes you as a friend (in his own words)
2. Approach you full-force


You must keep in mind though, if he does option #2 after his evaluation of the two of you and decides to give this pairing a go .... that he IS a Virgo forever and always, which = he will always need to pull away into his own head his whole life to evaulate issues in his life. So, if you two do end up together, you have to keep this in mind, because inevitably, there will come times when he will go inside of his head to hash out his life, and during this head-time, you will be excluded.

Don't take that ^^^^ personally to get offended. It isn't anything you've done to upset him ...... it's him being a Virgo and having a need to sort out his life in his own head, without interference.

michellelee526 i'm going to give you a different perspective on this and thus you can reach inside yourself and ask what feels right for you, I see several flags

mixed signals is a sign of immaturity and it will not ever stop...I'm not saying this to upset you but to forewarn you...learn how mixed messages will effect you and decide if you can really deal with it.

"He makes it a point to let me know that he wants to go out and he's interested, but wants me to call/text him to make arrangements. but wants me to call/text him to make arrangements. When I do, something comes up."

This is a sign of laziness and he's flipping the script on you, he's saying I'm busy so it's up to you make this relationship happen, your responsible for making time with me...can I say uh hell no

"Granted, especially over the Holidays, he had an extremely busy schedule. I'm definitely understanding of that, because I put 120% into my studies, so there are times where I put everyone else on the back burner. He also had his mother fracture her neck - thank God there was no injury to the spinal cord - after slipping on some ice. This past weekend he came down with strep throat. To say the least, he's had plenty on his plate and I've been giving him plenty of space, because I know that things are tough."

Oh jeeesh please don't turn into one of the many women that make excuses for assclowns ooops I mean men like this, it doesn't take but a second to send a text, email or make a phone call, he's not making an effort, busy smidgy, he's not making a point to keep in touch and that can't be ever excused, men make time for women they are truly interested in.

"Today he came in and didn't say a word to me, although he knew I saw him. It only made me raise my eyebrows more considering that this weekend when I texted him to see how he was feeling - I was going to offer to bring him soup - he never responded. He's done this a few times, whether it's him saying he'll call but he won't, to ignoring me, etc. If there's one thing that I understand is that he has plenty going on..."

He's blatantly dismissing you and on top of that you throw in an excuse for him, gosh, let's be real okay, he ignored you, you accepted it, now your chasing him with no response from him, ignoring another human being is never acceptable no matter how hard life is...please don't ever offer a man anything especially after he has clearly dismissed you intentionally that makes you seem super desperate for a man, the minute he pulled this mixed hot and cold crap, that was your que to back all the way up to show him that your nobodies doormat and make him less of a priority

"Patience is not usually my forte, but I'm more than willing to try this out. But my main concern is though - how long does this normally last? The last thing I ever want to do is push him, so I don't really mention it. Only time I did was in a joking manner about how he's going to have to "make it up to me" for turning me down so much, and he responded with "I know and I'm going to, I just have a messed up schedule right now."

So should I just wait this out? Is this his way of testing me? I'm sure there are plenty of Virgo guys - or even those that have experience with them! - that can tell me what I should expect. He seems pretty guarded with his feelings so that could play a part too. Thank you guys so much!"

He's gaurded which means he's an emotionally unavailable man, he's already showing you that by dismissing you as if your not even in the room, GAMES, too many head games already, it's really up to you to endure this load of BS, I wouldn't be patient and I wouldn't wait, I would go on with my life, call it a wrap and ONLY RESPOND to him meaning if he's not making room for you in his life I wouldn't waste my time calling, nor texting nor anything else until he can get it together....he's just going to make you feel like a dayum fool, confused and needy

It's really your call to wait around but you better believe I wouldn't endure this kind of BS, if you take it now you will be taking it through out the relationship, if it's something you feel is worth having in your life then put up with it and see how that plays out.

Now if he comes to you of course engage him, no need to ignore him but as soon as he starts the whole call me I'm busy crap only for you to call and get dismissed then you have to not do that anymore, he has shown you that even when you take the initiative to call he's to this and that which is your que to stop initiating contact, the whole rejection thing gets really old, make sure you make it clear he can call you if he wants to hang out, I mean dayum your a busy woman as well, you have better things to do other than call him and get rejected..Don't you?? So put the ball in his court, he's the one that's busy with lots going on thus he has to make an effort to connect, if he's not making an effort then there is no need to wait.

No need to ignore him but there is no need to play wet noodle doormat either

P-Angel, thank you for the input on this situation. I definitely appreciate it. You seem to have experience with these Virguys, and to say that they can make you bang your head against the wall would be an understatement.

Of course every situation is different, but how long do these guys normally take to figure this situation out in their heads? Honestly, I wouldn't put forth the effort with this guy if I didn't think he was worth it.


tiki33, I appreciate you giving me input on what you think with the situation. If I was an outsider, I'd probably say or at least think the same things you were. I'm definitely not one of those females that rationalizes a guy's stupid behavior, but at the same time, I'm attempting to understand WHY he would be this abnormal. He's unlike any guy I've ever come across - and trust me, I've been surrounded by plenty - and I'm trying to put my best foot forward. However, it still doesn't excuse the fact that he doesn't call or text, BUT on the other hand, I could easily be accused of the same thing. While I can be social when need be, I tend not to throw myself out there and it takes plenty for my guard to come down with guys. That, of course, comes from my past history, and I comprehend those are my issues to deal with. I would hope that there would be someone out there who's patient enough to understand that I need to time to come undone, as well. Which, in this case with my Virgo, is something that has been occurring - it's just in this situation we haven't spoken about it.

I'm not one to tell people what they wanna hear, you clearly wanna hear reasons to put up with his poor behavior, there is no excuse for how he's treating you, he's a jerk no matter how you slice it, you decide now to put up with bad behavior and that is all your ever gonna get, you think it's going to stop but it won't and you will be pulling your hair out, look around these boards, this isn't a virgo thing, this is a man thing and there are particular guys that play this hot and cold dismissal crap, it doesn't matter if you discuss it he will insist on playing it his way so I guess you have to ask yourself what do you want and what are you willing to put up with? Eventually it will wear on your self esteem whether you want it to or not...good luck I wish you the best

You're welcome .. and also, welcome to our community 🙂, for I see this is your first post in dxp.

Somehow, I've successfully married to a Virgo for over 26 years ... and maybe this makes me crazy, or maybe it makes me more sane that I thought.

Who knows 🙂

In either even, whether you feel like it's I what I said, or what tiki has said .... you know this man, and we can only speculate. So, whatever it is you feel in your heart, is the direction you need to take for yourself.

Good luck.

tiki: mixed signals is a sign of immaturity and it will not ever stop

It's also a sign of two people who really don't know each other very well - yet. I've had mixed signals with every woman I've ever been involved with - and yet I married two of them...

My experience with Gemini women is very limited, but while I find them attractive & interesting mentally, I don't feel that romantic connection. I don't think these two Signs can give each other what they need emotionally...

A mature VirGuy can tell pretty quickly if it's gonna work out or not. I knew my Scorpio second wife was The One after our first real date - and I acted like it...

I agree with P-Angel - he'll either tell you he likes you as a friend, or he'll start acting like a boyfriend. We don't play games, and we don't "test" people.

He seems pretty guarded with his feelings

We are... and we have to be. We're actually much more sensitive & tender-hearted than we appear, and we will protect our hearts until we're certain about you...

I guess looking someone in the face with no acknowledgement is his way of protecting himself, you pretty much answered the question by actually pointing out that he's most likely not that into her due to lack of romantic connection....I believe he's shown through his actions he's playing games, going hot then cold and not acknowledging another human being is very disrespectful and telling someone to call and each and every time blow cold and say hey I'm busy lemme call you back whilst never responding back...Can you tell me what that is Dyastrabe? I'm all for learning something new

*P-Angel is a true angel for standing her virgo that long*

"Virgo's don't test people ... they are often cautious/leary of other people's intentions with them ... but, they (males) definitely won't put a test in place to see where you stand with them because that would be too much like a manipulation .... and they have a severe disgust for manipulations."

I beg to differ P, I personally did and still test people to a very high degree, mind you I only do that at the beginning of any interaction and to me this is a way of jusdging whether they are worthy of my company, after that it becomes less and less and I learn to trust

I also have to admit that I do less of it now because I am starting to develop intuition and common sense from my interactions with many water people.

reason I did it extensively before is because I had to "touch" things, I had and still have that need to "test" my theories so for eg I would try to kiss my pisces girl even though she just said don't kiss me and that's because I was trying to see how strong willed she was so when she refused to kiss me I was so elated inside because I knew there and then that this is a woman who is able to stand for what she beleived in and that is something I value in my future partner because virgo lives as if they were a warrier tribesman who might die any moment and leave kids, who will take care of them but a strong woman

sometimes we test to see how much you will let us get away with, we are testing the waters sort to speak, sometimes we test to see if you trust us and all kind of things

hate to say it but for virg this is a ultimate way to cut doubts in our heads, otherwise we keep second guessing our lifetime and that just hurts

used to do a lot of these evaluation tests with my girl but then I fell head over heel in love and turned to the wimp you see marrauding the hallways of dxp

life is hard then you fall in love and it gets harder

That's quite interesting mister_eee....so lemme clarify, plese correct me and direct me in the right direction...Are you implying that michelle's virgo guy is ignoring her to test her in some way?

I believe he's shown through his actions he's playing games

Believe what you want to believe. We're only hearing one side of a story with two main characters...

He's a young Virgo, and could also be torn between a desire for her, and a realization that she's probably not right for him. I acted pretty goofy myself when I first started dating Debra, and I'm 20 years older than him.

BUT... I made it quite clear to her early on what my intentions were.

i don't know tiki, only skimmed through this thread and P's comment caught my eyes, or to be frank it was the first shortest post

sorry Michelle I feel abit sleepy now its 1am here so i tuck in, tommorrow I will write something

"BUT... I made it quite clear to her early on what my intentions were."

yeah he hasn't done that with michelle, ignoring someone is a clear indication he hasn't caught up with you in the clear intentions department, hopefully at some point he will open up or he may never, I find trying to get closure from these kind of men is futile, his actions lean toward let me be an ass and she will catch the hint and leave me alone...I hope she gets some clarity

Wow, I didn't think I would get all these comments so first thank you guys. As far as him ignoring me...again the LAST thing I'm trying to do is rationalize his side, but I'm just merely trying to be fair and giving both sides. When he came in and saw me, I was on the treadmill doing a high incline and high speed. I was also watching the TV right in front of me. Normally even when he comes in and I'm already on the machine, he'll give me a wave and wink, then catch up with me once he knows I'm done to give me my space. Today he didn't and I didn't go to him because when I saw him later, he was in the weight room talking to a bunch of guy friends that I'm not too familiar with and working out. It's my experience that when you put a whole bunch of guys together - especially the over- testerone male atmosphere like the gym - you're not going to get the best or even mature response. In fact, you'll probably end up looking like one of those "clingy and emotional chicks" guys always run away from, no matter what you do. I was not about to go out and chase him - especially when he didn't return my text. He's going to have to come to me in some way, shape, or form. That, right now, is where we currently stand. I'm sure he realizes that he messed up - at least that's what I hope? I just don't know what the next move will be.

He's going to have to come to me in some way, shape, or form.

Stay firm and resolute on this.

I just don't know what the next move will be.

Try not to worry about it. There may never be a "next move" from him - and if that's the case, all the worrying you do will be for naught.

From your experience, DyarStra?e, how long did it normally take before you realized you wanted to develop things with another woman?

As far as, Virgo guys and Gemini girls go...it's weird, I've been told on countless occasions I don't come off like your average Gemini girl. If I see something/someone has potential, I'm more than willing to be patient and allow things to develop. When I'm in a relationship, I'm committed and I don't have a wandering/fickle eye. I rather stay in than go out. He seems to be that way too, so that's why I'm confused. He's mentioned that he's had bad past relationships, but he also tries to make it a point to tell me he's interested. It's a difficult situation, but I'm going to stand firm in him approaching me about this. Otherwise, there's not much else I can do.

michellelee526,

I was 20 when I met my Libra first wife. I was indecisive about her initially because I thought she might be a "rebound" after my very passionate affair with a Taurus chick my freshman year at college. Libra & I were both busy with school, so neither of us rushed it, and we dated for over two years before we married (after graduation).

In some ways, it looks to me like your situation is similar to mine all those years ago. I was attracted to Libra's mind - her wit & wisdom - and her body (she has a fantastic figure!) - and I suspect your Virgo has the same sort of attraction for you.

The trick will be: Will his mental & physical attraction turn romantic?

Mine did, but it took time. I didn't marry Libra because she was funny and had a great ass! I married her because I loved her. It took me 8 months or so to realize that my feelings for her were romantic love - not just affection & lust. We were married for over 20 years - and all but the last 5 or 6 were very happy years for both of us...

Fast forward 20 years...

I was 46 when Debra expressed an interest in me. We worked at the same building, and we had a circle of friends helping us (okay, mostly me!) along...

I knew what I wanted in a woman. At times I felt Debra was rushing me, but I let her because I trusted her. I declared my love for her after just a few weeks - much sooner than ever before!

I do agree that there's both a mental and physical attraction present - and vocalized on his end. I definitely understand that this is the type of situation that would need time to develop. With this being my last semester of college - Grad school afterward - he knows how hectic my schedule will be and has been respectful of that.

There are times where I can feel he's analyzing our situation and I'm wondering if that is playing a role in this hot/cold; push/pull 'relationship.' He knows where I would like to go education and career wise and I'm curious if the fact that he's also a barber is playing a role, as well. It doesn't bother me, but I hope it doesn't bother him. From what I can see, Virguys will try to rationalize the situation as much as possible before becoming involved, so who knows.

Hummm well speaking 4 myself the only time I do this behavior that so many women complain about is 4 two reason, one if im talking to a women and I just only wanted sex and if I see her wanting more i am know to do this. Or I do really like this girl but her actions are showing something else. Alot of people forget virgo is a earth element so ur actions have to match ur words hope that help. I think he is doing the second option

Posted by P-Angel
Virgo's don't test people ... they are often cautious/leary of other people's intentions with them ... but, they (males) definitely won't put a test in place to see where you stand with them because that would be too much like a manipulation .... and they have a severe disgust for manipulations.


What it sounds like to me is that he is being a typical Virgo, whom will approach a person immediately if they are attracted because this feeling of attraction is overwhelming, such as it is with everybody when we meet a person to whom sends these signals to us ..... however, since he's a Virgo, which = great caution with emotional expressions, once he put these signals out to you hastily, his emotionally-controlled side kicked in and told him to back off a bit, to do an emotional check.

What you are experiencing is quite normal, so don't freak.


People (non-V's) will submerge themselves into a person to whom there is an attraction, and during this convergance, they will start an analysis of the other person to see if they are right for you. If they aren't right, then break-up is in the future, with intentions of starting a new search for a partner.

That ^^^ is normal for a non-Virgo ... however, abnormal for a Virgo.

Virgo's, once they realize that a person has made them "feel" an attraction is present within them .... they do the analysis to see if this person is a good match for them BEFORE an emotional meld.


Don't worry .. sit tight .. be your normal self that he likes .. and allow him to do his evaluation on you/him/togetherness .. and when he's finished, you'll know because he will do one of two things.

1. Tell you that he really likes you as a friend (in his own words)
2. Approach you full-force


You must keep in mind though, if he does option #2 after his evaluation of the two of you and decides to give this pairing a go .... that he IS a Virgo forever and always, which = he will always need to pull away into his own head his whole life to evaulate issues in his life. So, if you two do end up together, you have to keep this in mind, because inevitably, there will come times when he will go inside of his head to hash out his life, and during this head-time, you will be excluded.

Don't take that ^^^^ personally to get offended. It isn't anything you've done to upset him ...... it's him being a Virgo and having a need to sort out his life in his own head, without interference.

Wow that's some great tips !! I have been going crazy thinking about the cold behaviour my latest Virgo crushs been giving me. But this post really gave me some gpod insight on few possibilities. Thank you

Posted by TurquoiseArrow

Posted by OHNOXoxo

Posted by P-Angel
Virgo's don't test people ... they are often cautious/leary of other people's intentions with them ... but, they (males) definitely won't put a test in place to see where you stand with them because that would be too much like a manipulation .... and they have a severe disgust for manipulations.


What it sounds like to me is that he is being a typical Virgo, whom will approach a person immediately if they are attracted because this feeling of attraction is overwhelming, such as it is with everybody when we meet a person to whom sends these signals to us ..... however, since he's a Virgo, which = great caution with emotional expressions, once he put these signals out to you hastily, his emotionally-controlled side kicked in and told him to back off a bit, to do an emotional check.

What you are experiencing is quite normal, so don't freak.


People (non-V's) will submerge themselves into a person to whom there is an attraction, and during this convergance, they will start an analysis of the other person to see if they are right for you. If they aren't right, then break-up is in the future, with intentions of starting a new search for a partner.

That ^^^ is normal for a non-Virgo ... however, abnormal for a Virgo.

Virgo's, once they realize that a person has made them "feel" an attraction is present within them .... they do the analysis to see if this person is a good match for them BEFORE an emotional meld.


Don't worry .. sit tight .. be your normal self that he likes .. and allow him to do his evaluation on you/him/togetherness .. and when he's finished, you'll know because he will do one of two things.

1. Tell you that he really likes you as a friend (in his own words)
2. Approach you full-force


You must keep in mind though, if he does option #2 after his evaluation of the two of you and decides to give this pairing a go .... that he IS a Virgo forever and always, which = he will always need to pull away into his own head his whole life to evaulate issues in his life. So, if you two do end up together, you have to keep this in mind, because inevitably, there will come times when he will go inside of his head to hash out his life, and during this head-time, you will be excluded.

Don't take that ^^^^ personally to get offended. It isn't anything you've done to upset him ...... it's him being a Virgo and having a need to sort out his life in his own head, without interference.

Wow that's some great tips !! I have been going crazy thinking about the cold behaviour my latest Virgo crushs been giving me. But this post really gave me some gpod insight on few possibilities. Thank you

Virgo's Do Not Test People

Don't Forget That

click to expand

Hm so are you saying my Virgo crush is not testing but simply going switching off because he's not interested??

Virgo guys are weird. I went on a date with one last night and he said he almost didn't show up because he didn't like how his haircut looked... Imagine if he didnt show up. i would have been wondering what i did wrong. but no. just his hair. I dont think virgos think about how the other person feels while they are dating.

Another virgo man i dated for a little was treating me too much like a friend and never gave us alone time together. he always wanted us to hang out with his friends. even though i liked him so much i dropped him. I got the feeling that he was insecure and didnt want me finding too much out about him.

Forever it's who he is.

Posted by DyarStra?e

He's going to have to come to me in some way, shape, or form.

Stay firm and resolute on this.

I just don't know what the next move will be.

Try not to worry about it. There may never be a "next move" from him - and if that's the case, all the worrying you do will be for naught.

I often wonder if DyarStra?e and his Scorpio are still married?.?

Posted by michellelee526
I've been dating a Virgo guy - he's 22 - for about a month now and there are times where I honestly don't understand his hot and cold behavior. (By the way, I'm a Gemini with a Moon and Venus Taurus and I'm 21.) We initially met at our local gym and we hit it off instantly. He actually approached me - I didn't even notice him until then because I was "in the zone" while working out - and he offered to help me put weights on a machine I was about to use. He then waited until I completely finish my work out to approach me and made it a point to figure out my schedule, so we would meet at the gym again. The very next day, he was there and we went out to coffee afterward. The following night we went out on a date and it was great. Over the course of those few days though I did notice a couple of things. First being that he did tell me that he has been told quite a number of times that he's "unreadable."

The next and most important, in my opinion, is how hot and cold he can be. He makes it a point to let me know that he wants to go out and he's interested, but wants me to call/text him to make arrangements. When I do, something comes up. Granted, especially over the Holidays, he had an extremely busy schedule. I'm definitely understanding of that, because I put 120% into my studies, so there are times where I put everyone else on the back burner. He also had his mother fracture her neck - thank God there was no injury to the spinal cord - after slipping on some ice. This past weekend he came down with strep throat. To say the least, he's had plenty on his plate and I've been giving him plenty of space, because I know that things are tough.

My issue is that there are times where I get mixed signals from him. Normally at the gym we give each other some space to work out because that's the time to just focus on ourselves. We usually just go up to one another in the beginning - to whomever comes in first - say hello with either a hug or kiss on the cheek, occasionally do an exercise or two together then check in with each other before we leave. Today he came in and didn't say a word to me, although he knew I saw him. It only made me raise my eyebrows more considering that this weekend when I texted him to see how he was feeling - I was going to offer to bring him soup - he never responded. He's done this a few times, whether it's him saying he'll call but he won't, to ignoring me, etc. If there's one thing that I understand is that he has plenty going on...

This guy needs his ego stroked ... Find someone that will value your efforts not this string along mess... He is not the prize you are... Recognize that.... You deserve better ... This is a narcissist cut and dry... Save yourself the heart break hun... Be warned

If a Virgo guy is hot and cold .... he isn't sure about you yet