Need help with my Virgo man...again. 6 mnths later (Page 2)

Listen, ariesfemale .. it's obvious from what you've written here, and from before (thanks for the link), that you two are really fond of each other, and probably even love, like you said.

So, why give up on that so easily? Just because there are glitches in a relationship?

Take a look at this for a second .... all the while, Virgo was upset about your ex in your life, and you couldn't understand why this would upset him so much. Then his ex decides to make herself known AFTER you break up with him ... and you freak the hell out.

Now, I'm only saying the above because I want you to see how from your own actions of being jealous about his ex .. he dealt with that for 6 months, ariesfemale, and you freak out first time.

Can you not see how he must have felt with your ex around? Just imagine how this must have made him feel.

Instead of you two trying to understand how each other might feel (using empathy) .. instead you two are just reacting to your own feelings, as if both parties are purposely trying to do something to hurt you. And it doesn't sound to me like either one of you are trying to hurt each other .. so, why take it that way, why take everything that happens as a personal assault against you to bring harm to you, when you know that this isn't the intention from either side?

I haven't seen anywhere in here where he has decieved you. You broke up with him, he turned to another person who knows him for answers and this other person took advantage of him.

Look, ariesfemale .. in your linked thread, you mentioned where this ex wanted consoling from her ex (your man) at a time of death in her family, and was willing to drive 6 hours to come get his attention. so, you KNOW .. YOU KNOW .. that she still has feelings for him. He turns to her after you break up with him, and she takes this opportunity to attempt to get him back ... and you blame HIM for it?

He didn't do anything, ariesfemale. You want him to be at fault for your aching heart, when you are the one who broke up with him, or if I read this right, you are the one who broke up with him.



Why don't the two of you at least try this again .... this time, approach the relationship for what it can be for both of you, rather than what it's not because of other relationships weren't in both of your pasts that you allow to haunt you and inflict these shadows upon each other.

Perhaps, it's too soon and should be tried later .. point is though, it sounds like the truly care about each other and that's worth trying again.

Two people CANNOT have double-standards in a relationship and actually expect it to work ... she had her ex available for her and her emotional needs and the moment he needed someone to aid him, she freaks the fuck out and spews off anger.

That's a double standard in here on her part ..... and people in here would actually say that the man is fucked up because for 6 months he was concerned and upset about her relationship with her ex, and if he's going to be upset about this then it means he has some mental or personality disorder.

How fucked up is that?


There doesn't have to be a communication problem .... there is only one in place because this is the choice for it to be.

If two people really care about each other .. then the desire to communicate will be present.

You're right, it wasn't the whole time .. still, though, same principal applies here, whether he was upset one time or a hundred times.



She now knows what it feels like to be upset about an ex in the picture ... and who knows, maybe he did this on purpose with the ex to show ariesfemales what it feels like to have a person to whom should be insignifacant to personal well-being present in your life to be significant ... and calling it, "for the kids".

You never know .... maybe he realizes she cannot feel him, and so put his ex up to this .. not to manipulate, rather, so she can see how he is feeling, and why this upsets him .. so, she'll compromise her position and stop putting ex in his face .. because putting ex in the face fucking hurts.

He did say that it was fine in the beginning .. because, he apparantly was trying to be mature about it. She has children from this marriage, and it's a mature thing for a man to do, to allow his woman to have the father of her children in her life for the sake of the children, without any waves ..... so, for him to be ok with this, is the right thing to do.

However, we find out after reading further that the ex was more than just a Father Figure present, he was included in personal time with her and the children, to give the children a false sense of Father and Mother together as Parents.

So, this has to be taken into consideration when we look at the reason why towards the end of the relationship, as to why the Virgo started to have a change of his view as it pertains to the ex's position in her life. I think it terribly unfair to make the assessment that this means he is fucked up in some way because this had begun to upset him towards the end ... especially when we take into consideration how upset she got over just ONE time, and that was after it was over.


Do gooses and ganders not share goodness?


I just feel like this whole thing is being slanted exclusively one-way, to suggest that this Virgo man has totally screwed this relationship up and that's really unfair to make this conclusion ... especially since we know that he had an ex up in his face, and was being told to calm down, relax, it doesn't mean anything, and then find out that it does mean something.

I am so overwhelmed... and I think I have severe guilt issues! I have always been like this... impulsiveness followed by severe remorse and self-blaming and crazy amounts of guilt. I choose to be completely honest with you all about my behaviour and his because I wanted honest opinions and advice, not based on what I want to hear but on what I NEED to hear... thank you so much. I'm almost in tears now with the 'how could i not see that, i'm an idiot' mode I'm in right now. I don't know how to make things right at this point and I don't want to keep on making any more mistakes with this situation... I have already began to distance myself from my exhusband. I called him up and all I told him was that I need my own space and privacy in my life and he will no longer be able to 'drop in' or come over for birthdays, etc... I assured him he can see the children whenever he wants, on his own time in his own space... it's been over three weeks and he's only seen the children on a few ocassions since then but I can't keep on being the enabler for him. I know you may be thinking it's too late now... but if it hadn't been for my virgo (and all of you) I would not have realized it! Who knows how long I would have gone on in this 'fairy-tale nightmare' thinking I was doing what was best for my children?!!? It's really brought me down to a very humbling place and I am thankful.
As far as my virgo goes... I don't know what to say at this point. I want to apologize but don't know how far it will go right now... and I'm feeling so insecure and guilty right now that I'm afraid to do or say anything in fear of just making things worse than they already are. Thanks a lot, everyone. You've helped me sooooo much!

These words just keep ringing in my ears ....

"I've been with Virgo man for almost 6 months. He really showed me that he loved me and was crazy about me. He has been VERY involved in my life and my children's lives and my parents/siblings life and even my extended family, etc"


A Virgo man won't be bothered to care about all that if he doesn't care .. he would just be like every other man .. take the kitty and keep it moving. He really "showed" her the he loved her .. she used the word "showed" ... by being very involved. A Virgo will "tell" you, he'll say sweet nothings, and they actually be sweet nothings, if he only wanted something, like the kitty.

To "show" his woman that love is present is fucking huge. Look at all the women who come in here and tell us what the Virgo SAID to them to make them feel special .. but, action-wise? Nope, they don't "show" this concern as a man should in love.



" .. he has this crazy jealousy/obsession about my ex-husband (father of my 4 children). He really has come to think/believe that I'm still in love with him."

That ^^^^^ is somethign that has developed over time, which means his feeling this way has been present for some time, since she says that she has been trying to convince him otherwise. This isn't something that he just woke up one day and decided is accurate .. we all know that Virgos take eons to make a decision because of all the analyzing they have to do first. So, we can be certain that he was led to believe for a while that the ex means more to her than she "told" him he meant ... and by her actions, she "showed" Virgo that he means more.

ariesfemale, you've known for a while that Virgo man felt this way by how you were treating him and your ex, simultaneously ... if you loved him like you say you did, then why didn't you do something about it then, rather than waiting until this much pain was caused for you two to suffer?

It depends on whether you actually love him or not.

If you do, then how could a person not try to mend a broken bridge? I cannot see how this would even be in question. This doesn't mean you should chase after him, like a desperate woman in the throws of needing to feel secure .... but, it does mean that if you really do love him, then how could you not try to talk to him openly and honestly about how you feel, and about what has transpired during this union?

I don't think all is lost here .. I just think you are lost because you haven't found a way to think this through yet. I know Virgo men, and I know for a fact that he wouldn't have treated you this way unless he loved you.

Why would you so easily give up?

there is always hope.

I just finished talking to him on the phone for over an hour. We had a great conversation. I thought about this all day and called him earlier but there was no answer (he works midnights and was sleeping when I called). He called me back as soon as he woke up. I was very sincere and honest with him about all of this and I feel he was vrey sincere and honest with me as well. It wasn't an emotional conversation at all, but very open and we both got a lot of things out. I did apologize to him... first for last night and second for the way things were with my ex. He told me that it was very hard for him to deal with. I told him that he really made me realize the mistakes I had made with him and with my family and I told him I had made serious changes since then. We did not talk about anything in the future, but at least we had a positive and constructive conversation. He said he was glad we were able to talk like this and I agreed. Then he noticed he had to go to work so we ended the conversation and hoped eachother a good night. I don't know if anything will come out of this... but I feel wonderful about the conversation. Thank you very much for your support and advice... it was the deciding factor in me calling him today :-). You guys are awesome. I will definitely keep you updated.

I'm feeling very peaceful today about this... and that is surprising because I've been very tense and anxious, lol. Maybe it has something to do with the very intense work-out I had last night with my trainer! lol It feels good to get back to excercising and releasing some tension.
I've been thinking and really wondering if he will call me again. I think I did 'my part' in letting him know how I feel and sincerely apologizing and letting him know he made a big difference in my life. Is that all I can do? I just want to know what you think since a lot of you said it's not too late to potentially save this. I will not be calling him back anytime soon, I don't want to pressure him. I just keep thinking about his ex right now and how she is trying to get back in his life again... Should I still just completely leave him alone to work all of this out in his head?

To tell him that you are different, isn't the same thing as actually being different.

For months, you have been showing him ... now you have words and want him to regard these words higher than your deeds.


That's nice that you and him had a talk .. however, he likely is taking your words to him at least value, and will instead observe to see how accurate those words are in your life.

This isn't something that screwed up over-night .... respectively, it will take awhile to see how it's all going to play out.

This relationship is pretty much over, I may get beat up for saying this but I tend to error on the side of caution, he's involved with his ex no matter how some of us slice it, he's still attached and for you to feel guilt at any point is ridiculous, so although he's giving you conversation, it could be his way of giving you the closure you need to move on, I hope I'm wrong but it doesn't sound like you are moving forward....

From this board, it certainly does not seem like Aries and Virgo bring out the best in each other.

St. Athena

LOL I think Aries brings out Virgo's fire hose! 😄

T😱 ...Aries brings out Virgo's fire hose!

Uh, is that a euphemism for the One-Eyed Monster??

I still don't understand why VirGuys find RamGals so hot... They don't have to be raving beauties, or have perfect figures, and yet the VGs I work with all think another VG's Aries Wife is hotter than a firecracker...

And yes, there is a graduated scale here from: Pretty to Sexy to Hot!

Aries and Virgo bring out the best in each other.

I don't think so -- there'd be a lot of fighting, great make-up sex, and then more fighting...

Maybe if they didn't try to live together, it might work out...

The quote is: "...it certainly does NOT seem like Aries and Virgo bring out the best in each other."

The relevant word is NOT.

That was my point.

I certainly never considered Aries for more than a split second, and I'm puzzled by all the Aries/Virgo connections on here (which always seem to turn out bad).

Athena

Why do people put their user name at the bottom of their post?

There are a couple people in here who do this.

We know who is posting because we can see your user name in the heading.

LOLOL @ P-Angel