moonrvr46
@moonrvr46
5 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 33 · Topics: 9
Question About Virgos, Intimacy vs. "Self - Care"
Posted by moonrvr46
And there are times (like 2-3+) when he does the "self-care" thing looking at "things" that I am beginning to wonder if there is an addiction issue.
I'm assuming you are referencing masturbation and porn.
A good place to start would be to actually acknowledge them for what they are. We're all adults here, as are you. If you're unable to actually use those words, I'm also assuming you're unable to have a tough conversation with another adult.
Talk to him.
Yes sorry at work.
We have been together for 2 years so it's hard to just dump and yes this has been an issue but other things have been great. It's just now beginning to impact me like I didn't realize it would.
We have spoken. I have told him using those words that he looks at it too much and when he's w/me he needs to be present w/me and when alone, do your thing.
And that it bothers me that we don't kiss often, don't hold hands, don't make out, don't foreplay etc - several times!!! It corrects itself for a minute - and then returns back to the norm.....and it's hard when you love someone so much but this.
We have been together for 2 years so it's hard to just dump and yes this has been an issue but other things have been great. It's just now beginning to impact me like I didn't realize it would.
We have spoken. I have told him using those words that he looks at it too much and when he's w/me he needs to be present w/me and when alone, do your thing.
And that it bothers me that we don't kiss often, don't hold hands, don't make out, don't foreplay etc - several times!!! It corrects itself for a minute - and then returns back to the norm.....and it's hard when you love someone so much but this.
Posted by santatellmeboutgoodoledaysPosted by _DazedPosted by moonrvr46
And there are times (like 2-3+) when he does the "self-care" thing looking at "things" that I am beginning to wonder if there is an addiction issue.
I'm assuming you are referencing masturbation and porn.
A good place to start would be to actually acknowledge them for what they are. We're all adults here, as are you. If you're unable to actually use those words, I'm also assuming you're unable to have a tough conversation with another adult.
Talk to him.
listen to this guy 4 he know what he talk about sounds like he been there 2click to expand
Thank you, sockpuppet.
Hah! Well I dunno what to do!? And this normal for Virgos to rather take care of themselves in private like it's a secret and they are doing something wrong vs. be affectionate and intimate w/their partners?
Yeah open is not an option - for sure. LOL - he's adamant against cheating.
Posted by moonrvr46
Yeah open is not an option - for sure. LOL - he's adamant against cheating.
well if he can't meet your needs, he needs to step aside and let someone else who does know how to do it on his behalf.
"Also, when we actually sleep together, it's like a 2-3 min thing w/no foreplay, no making out - actually we never make out or have foreplay; we barely kiss or hold hands!.....yet when he is in there doing his own thing - he is in there for 20-30m at times. It almost feels like cheating!"
I don't know how you suffered for 2 years with this and it only really became an issue when you realized he spends more time on himself during self love sessions then when he's sexing you.
If you stayed silent for 2 years through horrible sex, like I'm sure you moaned at all the right places so he was thinking you were getting off. I mean you stayed silent and didn't talk to him about what you like sexually, how you need the foreplay, how you want to come as well.
So that has set a precedent... he doesn't know your unhappy with the sex cause you haven't said anything.
Making this about him masturbating isn't the core issue here. Your unhappy that when he jacks off he doesn't fuck you that day. But really your unhappy that when he does fuck you it doesn't last long enough or get you off. Thats the real issue there.
You should bring this up. Or better yet you both can watch porn together and jack and jill one out. Maybe by observing how you touch yourself he can pick up some pointers.
When sex is good it only matters like 10% to the relationship. When its bad or lacking it matters 90% .
I don't know how you suffered for 2 years with this and it only really became an issue when you realized he spends more time on himself during self love sessions then when he's sexing you.
If you stayed silent for 2 years through horrible sex, like I'm sure you moaned at all the right places so he was thinking you were getting off. I mean you stayed silent and didn't talk to him about what you like sexually, how you need the foreplay, how you want to come as well.
So that has set a precedent... he doesn't know your unhappy with the sex cause you haven't said anything.
Making this about him masturbating isn't the core issue here. Your unhappy that when he jacks off he doesn't fuck you that day. But really your unhappy that when he does fuck you it doesn't last long enough or get you off. Thats the real issue there.
You should bring this up. Or better yet you both can watch porn together and jack and jill one out. Maybe by observing how you touch yourself he can pick up some pointers.
When sex is good it only matters like 10% to the relationship. When its bad or lacking it matters 90% .
maybe you can find someone to fill in for him. Here's what you do...
1) Find a good pic of your man.
2) Use that pic to create a face mask of him.
3) Find a sexual/intimate man who actually likes having real sex with real women.
4) Have that said man wear the face mask.
5) Your man can watch and pretend he's watching himself fuck you while taking care of his own self.
Everyone wins. And it's not cheating.
Just call me the CEO of Solutions.Org
1) Find a good pic of your man.
2) Use that pic to create a face mask of him.
3) Find a sexual/intimate man who actually likes having real sex with real women.
4) Have that said man wear the face mask.
5) Your man can watch and pretend he's watching himself fuck you while taking care of his own self.
Everyone wins. And it's not cheating.
Just call me the CEO of Solutions.Org
Since others have already brought up the masturbation issues I will talk about the other issues.
Virgos sometimes need to be told what to do. I find when I have an issue and I tell him...the next time he will do it.
Maybe he does not like kissing. Mine doesn't. So I compromised with him after months of bitching and said he doesnt have to kiss me on the mouth but he is required to kiss me other places like my neck, cheek, forehead. He has since gotten better at that.
Foreplay - I made the mistake of not making that a big deal in the beginning so I am kind of in the same boat as you, but mine seems to want to do it more so we are working on that.... other then that tho he usually satisfies me sexually 90% of the time so I'm not sure what to tell you about that.
Mine likes to hold my hand and he actually views that as a clue to how he feels about me since he does not do that with someone he is not intimate with even on a platonic level so I do hold his hand a lot.
Sounds like you need to talk to him about things. Or maybe suggest a cock ring to help him last longer in the bedroom. Is he into oral?
Virgos sometimes need to be told what to do. I find when I have an issue and I tell him...the next time he will do it.
Maybe he does not like kissing. Mine doesn't. So I compromised with him after months of bitching and said he doesnt have to kiss me on the mouth but he is required to kiss me other places like my neck, cheek, forehead. He has since gotten better at that.
Foreplay - I made the mistake of not making that a big deal in the beginning so I am kind of in the same boat as you, but mine seems to want to do it more so we are working on that.... other then that tho he usually satisfies me sexually 90% of the time so I'm not sure what to tell you about that.
Mine likes to hold my hand and he actually views that as a clue to how he feels about me since he does not do that with someone he is not intimate with even on a platonic level so I do hold his hand a lot.
Sounds like you need to talk to him about things. Or maybe suggest a cock ring to help him last longer in the bedroom. Is he into oral?
Posted by moonrvr46
Hi all,
I am dating a Virgo - He's 32. I'm 39.
He seems to lack intimacy and affection. And there are times (like 2-3+) when he does the "self-care" thing looking at "things" that I am beginning to wonder if there is an addiction issue.
Also, when he does that, we don't do stuff, and it's affecting our relationship.
P.S. I know this because 1) I opened up our history tab on the computer to look at a site I'd visited and he spends a lot of time on these sites several times a week; and he does not know this, but I've "heard" him do it to himself in the shower or in the bathroom and he does not know that.
*I don't know how to approach this as obviously he does not want me to know, hence he is in the bathroom/shower when he is doing the deed.
But it's impacting our relationship. I'm a very affectionate/intimate/sexual person and I need that back. But when he takes care of himself we don't do anything that day.
Also, when we actually sleep together, it's like a 2-3 min thing w/no foreplay, no making out - actually we never make out or have foreplay; we barely kiss or hold hands!.....yet when he is in there doing his own thing - he is in there for 20-30m at times. It almost feels like cheating!
Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
Be honest and tell him how it's effecting your relationship and you. No need to openly demonize it. Just let him know the cause and the effect. Not openly demonizing his "selfcare" will keep him from getting defensive and be more open about it.
Talking about your feelings and observations on this will help him understand. Even if he is a stubburn person it will get the wheels turning in his head.
If he is at a addiction level don't expect him to change over night nor take it personal. It's a addiction. He will need positive reinforcement and patience.
Ask him about his sexual interests as well once he is more open to you or as the ice breaker to this conversation in general. Surprised you haven't already. That is always a fun conversation between to adults 😂
A personal biased suggestion. Look up what he is into. After talking to many men and woman I find that it was the scenarios or the style that got them going.
Regardless at the end of the day he is wasting that sexual energy instead of using it on you &with you. It's undermining your relationship.
....the burning question is, does he wash
Madam P and offspring afterwards and if so how many times?
Madam P and offspring afterwards and if so how many times?
Got damn mutable....
You'll never know
😁
You'll never know
😁
Posted by SeaLion
Since others have already brought up the masturbation issues I will talk about the other issues.
Virgos sometimes need to be told what to do. I find when I have an issue and I tell him...the next time he will do it.
Maybe he does not like kissing. Mine doesn't. So I compromised with him after months of bitching and said he doesnt have to kiss me on the mouth but he is required to kiss me other places like my neck, cheek, forehead. He has since gotten better at that.
Foreplay - I made the mistake of not making that a big deal in the beginning so I am kind of in the same boat as you, but mine seems to want to do it more so we are working on that.... other then that tho he usually satisfies me sexually 90% of the time so I'm not sure what to tell you about that.
Mine likes to hold my hand and he actually views that as a clue to how he feels about me since he does not do that with someone he is not intimate with even on a platonic level so I do hold his hand a lot.
Sounds like you need to talk to him about things. Or maybe suggest a cock ring to help him last longer in the bedroom. Is he into oral?
I wouldn't say "told what to do" even though technically that is what it amounts to🤣
I see it as catering to your partner and straight communication. We will do our own thing unless you let us know. We either like it or we don't. May still do it for you if we are not into it. If we do, expect us to go ham on it. Most virgos are not selfish lovers by default.
I personally enjoy finding what pleases my partner in the bed room and getting them acquainted with my own stuff.
I love oral and foreplay. I was lucky enough to have partners who shared their appreciation for my effort and successful in that department. It really reinforced my appetite for it.
The simple solution here is to order that pocket pussy mold so when he is having his 'alone time' he is still fucking you *wink wink
Posted by moonrvr46
Hi all,
I am dating a Virgo - He's 32. I'm 39.
He seems to lack intimacy and affection. And there are times (like 2-3+) when he does the "self-care" thing looking at "things" that I am beginning to wonder if there is an addiction issue.
Also, when he does that, we don't do stuff, and it's affecting our relationship.
P.S. I know this because 1) I opened up our history tab on the computer to look at a site I'd visited and he spends a lot of time on these sites several times a week; and he does not know this, but I've "heard" him do it to himself in the shower or in the bathroom and he does not know that.
*I don't know how to approach this as obviously he does not want me to know, hence he is in the bathroom/shower when he is doing the deed.
But it's impacting our relationship. I'm a very affectionate/intimate/sexual person and I need that back. But when he takes care of himself we don't do anything that day.
Also, when we actually sleep together, it's like a 2-3 min thing w/no foreplay, no making out - actually we never make out or have foreplay; we barely kiss or hold hands!.....yet when he is in there doing his own thing - he is in there for 20-30m at times. It almost feels like cheating!
Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
He won't put up with cheating?
Its only been 2 years?
The sex is lame.
He prefers to watch porn and masturbate.
Hmmmm....... what was your question again? And why are you with him?
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I am dating a Virgo - He's 32. I'm 39.
He seems to lack intimacy and affection. And there are times (like 2-3+) when he does the "self-care" thing looking at "things" that I am beginning to wonder if there is an addiction issue.
Also, when he does that, we don't do stuff, and it's affecting our relationship.
P.S. I know this because 1) I opened up our history tab on the computer to look at a site I'd visited and he spends a lot of time on these sites several times a week; and he does not know this, but I've "heard" him do it to himself in the shower or in the bathroom and he does not know that.
*I don't know how to approach this as obviously he does not want me to know, hence he is in the bathroom/shower when he is doing the deed.
But it's impacting our relationship. I'm a very affectionate/intimate/sexual person and I need that back. But when he takes care of himself we don't do anything that day.
Also, when we actually sleep together, it's like a 2-3 min thing w/no foreplay, no making out - actually we never make out or have foreplay; we barely kiss or hold hands!.....yet when he is in there doing his own thing - he is in there for 20-30m at times. It almost feels like cheating!
Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.