The Scary 4-Letter 'L' Word

*cluck* *cluck*

O_o

*cluck*...

No seriously, this is bothersome. I've got Virgo Moon with Virgo Descendent (boosts ye olde moon some). I used to not know what love is and was afraid to ever say it. I got over that, in no small part, through the stresses and joys of dating two Libras. In a row. SO not on purpose, how that happened. It did turn out they both talked of marriage before I was ever ready, and then when I finally joined that bandwagon, it was 'dump her' time. Dunno. No reason to go back, so not really complaining. In looking back I can honestly see where 'we' wouldn't have worked out, anyway.

But I am bringing it up because, one would think, that being burned twice in short succession would make one afraid to try again, yes? Not really. Interestingly enough, it made me more sure of what I really want, and seek it out, rather than haphazardly wander around and get nowhere, as before. I'm also more sure of what love means. At least to me. We all have our own truths, yes. To me, it is someone I can see myself waking up next to for the rest of my life, and that such a thought brings far more joy than sorrow. Enough joy to aim for, and small enough sorrow that when divided, melts. That when he's sad, it makes me sad, and when he's happy, I share in this too. That I can be myself and hold nothing back, and he's unafraid to do so too. And so on. And so forth.

Enter in Virgo man I've been dating for... let's say half a year. Strange yet wonderful, our Suns and Moons are swapped; so his Scorpio Moon matches my Scorpio Sun. Yes, his own past burns HAVE made him more fearful (but we'll call it cynical) about the idea of love. And his walls are thicker than mine have ever been (and this draws me in). We both have strong Libra and Pisces influences too. As far as comfort, general camaraderie, feelings of safety, and sometimes excitement, all is well, actually. (Truly I do not want TOO much excitement. I do not have the energy!) There's nothing about him that makes me afraid, as I have been in the past with others. Yet not boring, either. One might think so, but no. Our match is just the right blend of everything, even without astrology to back it up. I want to defend him, yet he's strong enough to defend himself; and, I can tell, if he were to falter and need the help, would not be too proud to accept my help (all of this is good!). We can be ourselves with each other. We make each other happy, are attracted to each other, and are 'very good fr

We make each other happy, are attracted to each other, and are 'very good friends' (although technically we're going out, it feels like we're just friends at times). The problem is: after two Speedy Gonzales, I now have Chicken Turtle.

A couple, loyal to each other because of wanting to be, but without the extra layer of love and knowing that it's love. I've caught hints of it at times and said so, but he can't identify with it. He is wary of love. He says he has a hard time identifying with his emotions, and tends to process them through logic instead. He says it's because of past hurts damaging him. I think that's being used a crutch. I think he's stronger than he realizes. But being often-logical myself, I understand the need to put this into the right words before it can be realized (if it is true). I do believe it is true, but I don't have the right words.

It's like looking back on myself one year ago (or so), trying to intellectualize what love is. The scary 4-letter L-word. Say it with me: L-O-V-E. It could not be. I had to feel it. I had to experience it for myself, and then still had difficulty giving it a satisfying definition. What I've got up there (read intro) is about the best I've got so far. It's not flowery. It's not beautiful. Yet it feels beautiful, and wonderful, and everything we're meant to strive for. As human beings, each and every one of us, we deserve such a thing. Yet it's simple, too. It need not be flowery. We deserve to love ourselves, and to be loved for ourselves. Holding nothing back at all. All of us.

I'm not sure how two Libras did it for me; how they dug me out of my shell. We connected, somehow. And oh-so-super-quickly, enough that I was scared. Downright terrified, at times. But worth it. Mostly because I learned (through being left behind) that what they made me feel, I could not have felt, had it not already been inside of me. No one can MAKE you feel any sort of thing. Or believe any sort of thing. Or do any sort of thing. They can inspire you. But you are your own conduit.

Well, they inspired me to feel love, to know love, and to be unafraid of love. And I want the same done for this wonderful Virgo man. It's not fair for either of us for this to take a decade, though.

Sometimes it seems that's how long it might take. We're not teenagers, though. Logically speaking, I don't want to be in my 40's when he finally feels it inside of him, and I can share in that delight.

I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

Posted by beautifulsoul74
I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

It's because you are not a Virgo. 😉

Sag is beautiful in all its own ways. Enjoy!

Posted by Draumstafir

Posted by beautifulsoul74
I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

It's because you are not a Virgo. 😉

Sag is beautiful in all its own ways. Enjoy!

click to expand

Ok_??_ Perhaps there's something to be learned there? Enjoy!_—_??_

And thanks! Virgos are beautiful too!

Posted by beautifulsoul74
I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

true...not scary at all. all human emotion is based on Love or Fear 🤗

Posted by Draumstafir

Posted by beautifulsoul74

I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

It's because you are not a Virgo.

click to expand

Draumstafir, you are not a Virgo, yet, you saying that to beautifulsoul makes you sound cocky because you insinuate that you know more than him.

Virgos are not afraid of love, nor the love word.

All of your babble amounts to nothing ... since your conclusion is false.

Which means you didn't really have anything to say ... you just like to hear yourself talk.

The opposite for me, also.

My Virgo loves a lot, very much ... and is nowhere near (afraid) of those feelings.



The OP rambles on for 5000 characters and really saying nothing more than the title .... that is telling about the real intention of this thread.

We are more than just our Sun signs. I hardly identify with my Sun at all, though it does play a part in my life. Unfortunately, from this perspective, it has zilch to do with my quandary and, as such, this was put in the Virgo forum to gain Virgo perspectives.

What I'm looking for is anyone who's undergone a similar fear-removal, or better yet, watched someone else do so. Shared experiences sometimes grant new revelations. This is my goal. I want to help someone who is currently wary of love. Not just love for me, but for family, friends; anyone. And it's been explained to me as a problem of love not being fully understood well enough to relate to it. This is sad to watch. I want to help. I don't know how. I want him to experience joy and bliss.

I understand that not all readers will be able to relate with every question they read. For one thing, Sagittarius is known somewhat for its lighthearted, fun-loving attitude. I've known some Sags. I find it a very pleasant energy! I very much enjoy the company of my Sag friends! We don't relate well, but I adore the fun, witty energy they share with me. The first response to my question was from a user with Sag in Sun, Mercury, even Venus-of-love, Neptune, and the we-know-to-aim-for-it North Node. Seriously. If all that joyous, lighthearted energy could even grapple with the idea that something so simple as love could be difficult, I'd personally be baffled. So my response of "You are not a Virgo" is more reasonably translated to "You don't have the same problem. This is wonderful for you. I don't expect you to relate, and congratulations on this, actually, because it's not a pleasant problem to have." I have no reason to look down on someone for that, and did not intentionally insinuate any such thing. I'm sorry if anyone would automatically interpret in such a manner.

Posted by Draumstafir

Posted by beautifulsoul74

I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

It's because you are not a Virgo.

Posted by Draumstafir

We are more than just our Sun signs.

click to expand

I'm a Virgo.

I don't fear Love. I will say it and will back it up with actions. You will hear it and feel it often enough.

Basically if those 3 words part my lips, I'm there to stay. Take it as a policy on my soul and entire being. Break that trust and I'm gone. No hard feelings though.

I know pretty soon if I'm in love and when I do, I will say it. I don't need you to say it back.

@Draumstafir:

I made a simple statement because love itself is simple. Its not something to be grappled, debated, etc. Those are musings of the ego. Truth is, the more you think about how it should be, the wheres/whys/and how's, the less time you spend actually experiencing it because love is to be lived. That is where its purity comes in. Just love and it remains untainted. That's how you heal and help. It comes in many forms.

Posted by lcrc

Posted by beautifulsoul74
I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

true...not scary at all. all human emotion is based on Love or Fear 🤗

click to expand

+1

Posted by Puvati

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Draumstafir

Posted by beautifulsoul74

I'm sorry...but I guess I just don't get why the word LOVE is so scary lol

It's because you are not a Virgo.

Posted by Draumstafir

We are more than just our Sun signs.

Haha...

click to expand

Ah... but the answer lies in the details. That's "details". Plural. beautifulsoul74 has ZERO Virgo placements, and that info had been double-checked before I made my first response. 6th house (Virgo's home) is in Aries, and there are also no Aries placements. His Mercury, ruler of the mind and therefore Virgo, is in Sagittarius. Seriously, not a Virgo man.

I hesitated in making this response because I did not want to draw attention to 74, whose responses have been honest and kind. Also I hoped the invalid argument which brewed might die down, and real results could occur.

This should be unnecessary, but my hope is to drive off further quips: I may come off as a Scorp IRL, due to Sun, but I have placements in my chart which weaken my Sun, and placements in my chart which strengthen my Virgo Moon. Most of my worries and concerns IRL are Virgo-related. That list is lengthy and off-topic, so won't be included here. Other than when Sun gets me in trouble and there's more to worry about. Moon's ruler happens to be Sagittarius... could be why such company often brings me joy. Sag is relatively worry-free, while Virgo tends to worry itself into ulcers. My continuous analytics do tend to be far-reaching and connection-finding. Virgos are extremely easy to relate with IRL. Except for this one thing which cropped up as the man I love being unable to connect with his emotions, but WANTING to. And me being unable to help, thus far. I had this vague hope that someone on DXP could relate, and share.

While it is somewhat amusing that many readers exist without the attention span to read past a post's first sentence, it is mostly annoying. No solution has been found.

To those who have been able to remain on topic, I thank you.

Posted by Draumstafir

And me being unable to help, thus far. I had this vague hope that someone on DXP could relate, and share.

While it is somewhat amusing that many readers exist without the attention span to read past a post's first sentence, it is mostly annoying. No solution has been found.

To those who have been able to remain on topic, I thank you.

To say: To those who have been able to remain on topic .... is you being a dickhead and thinking that their mind is too low to be able to grasp you.

You are incorrect.

And then you infer that people don't have the attention span to read your verbal diarrhea ... again, you're incorrect.


people answered, and told you that what you described is NOT a Virgo trait. YOU are the person who cannot comprehend, and so chose to ignore. Which means YOU don't have the attention span to pay attention to anything that you don't want to hear.

What you described as a Virgo trait is wrong.

Can you deal with that? OR, are you going to continue to be ignorant?

since you are wrong ... that means the problem is you.


I have a sneaky suspicion that you can't handle that kind of truth ... and so will continue to "cluck" like some stupid shit.

Posted by LadyOfRebirth
I wouldn't say that's been my experience at all, quite the opposite really.

But what I do know is that Virgo's often times take their time in deciding who is worth loving and committing to, and 6 months is in perspective a short time.

I sense some worry.

that just sounds like a very earthy way of going about things. Always cautious. they don't go head in first like an aries/mars.

Posted by Draumstafir

A couple, loyal to each other because of wanting to be, but without the extra layer of love and knowing that it's love. I've caught hints of it at times and said so, but he can't identify with it. He is wary of love. He says he has a hard time identifying with his emotions, and tends to process them through logic instead. He says it's because of past hurts damaging him. I think that's being used a crutch. I think he's stronger than he realizes. But being often-logical myself, I understand the need to put this into the right words before it can be realized (if it is true). I do believe it is true, but I don't have the right words.

That ^^^^ paragraph is telling of the really real here .....

I highlighted the parts that tell all = he is withholding how he feels because he is a Virgo, and so has to do his Virgo thing and perform self checks and analysis = while she is putting words to it, and telling him how he feels. Or trying to find the words to tell him how he feels.

this - "I've caught hints of it at times and said so" .... that quote means that she's hanging onto his words and twisting them to mean what she wants them to mean, and then telling him that those words mean the first part of her train of thought when she said that, "A couple, loyal to each other because of wanting to be, but without the extra layer of love and knowing that it's love."

Posted by P-Angel

since you are wrong ... that means the problem is you.


I have a sneaky suspicion that you can't handle that kind of truth ... and so will continue to "cluck" like some stupid shit.

At least you've finally added something about what was asked, rather than merely misdirecting to what signs I and others might be, and calling what I say diarrhea (etc.). Of course, you did so again, but at least something useful was added in between. I did read the constructive bits and took them to heart. Maybe it is a Scorpio thing. He has Scorpio Moon with Scorpio Mars. I just didn't see from my own perspective and experiences how disassociating with feelings could happen to Scorpio. Usually it's the other way around; emotions take charge and Scorp ends up attacking someone (you seem familiar with this phenomena), or going cold. So I figured, must be his logic-side-Virgo, and came to the Virgo forum. Both of us have both signs, mixed in with strong Libra influences. It can be hard to determine which is which sometimes.

I am sorry you haven't had the personal experience of conversing analytically with someone, hours on end, about philosophy and psychology and basically, 'why do we do what we do' and 'why did they do that thing that makes no sense' and mostly wanting to relate with people who are not currently understood. We LIKE to see how people with differing opinions got to where they are, so they can be fully understood. Well, you probably wouldn't enjoy such a conversation. My Scorp/Virgo and his Virgo/Scorp do enjoy it very much, quite often and openly. Between smooches and movies and ice cream and sparring. But if you'd had and enjoyed such conversations before, you'd understand that when emotions are verbalized, intellectualized (or at least the attempt is seriously made); it's not exactly a matter of holding back or not. He told me point blank the things I posted about him, which bother him. My personal fix-it toolbox came up empty. After awhile I attributed it to astrology and came to DXP. Still empty. Except for maybe shifting it from his Virgo did it to his Scorp did it. Potentially. Explain?

And no, I am not asking anything about myself. Myself is boring.

Posted by Draumstafir

Still empty.

Of course it's empty .... and I see you refuse to acknowledge that it's all you projecting, and still think it's cute to cluck like some stupid shit.

Virgo's the exact opposite of what you've said .... and still, you come up empty, because your conclusion is wrong.

Therefore .... at some point the rational mind has to conclude that it's you. But, you won't do that, because you're too busy being star struck at yourself.

I'm a virgo and yes, love scares me. 3 months into our relationship, hubby (my boyfriend back then) said the 3 words. I didn't reply. I felt it but not sure I trust it. Why love when losing it hurts so much (cs lewis).

Please don't judge.

Posted by DraumstafirMy personal fix-it toolbox came up empty. After awhile I attributed it to astrology and came to DXP. Still empty. Except for maybe shifting it from his Virgo did it to his Scorp did it. Potentially. Explain?

And no, I am not asking anything about myself. Myself is boring.

As I said in the Scorp forum, you aren't a bandaid. You cannot fix it, change it or dress it up to what you'd like it to be. Only he can do this.

I have a huge history with a Virgo Sun/Scorp moon guy. I watched him suffer greatly. He got through it in his own way and in his own time. P-angel said it...Virgo's DO KNOW how to love and they DO SHOW it. Especially when the Virgo finds the "one" and is ready for the "one". The guy you speak of is no where ready to have any relationship. I don't care what you try...if he's not ready, he's not ready. Until he addresses his problems, it will remain as it is. If you back off, he might put effort into healing himself. With you there as a kleenex, you are doing nothing for him.

While I am hopeless romantic when in love (blame my Mars in Cancer, Venus in Libra) placements, I feel as if love isn't to be trusted as Virgo's love to analyze everything. I second guess my partner's feelings to ruin, and unlike our other Earth signs, we almost need the reassurance that our relationship and our feelings are based on something solid as a rock.

Virgo's show our love through sentimental displays of affection, remembering your favorite flower, favorite book quote, going out of our way to something sweet for you. I get joy out of pleasing people and making someone's day better, as cheesy as that may seem.

What you can gather from all of this is that we are not afraid to love, but rather to be LOVED. I am terrified that I will never know love if it hits me in the face because I am too busy analyzing all the ways that it is and could not be true love, and how it is doomed (Virgo's Cynical "Realism").

I hope this helps!

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by Damnata
I'm a Virgo.

I don't fear Love. I will say it and will back it up with actions. You will hear it and feel it often enough.

Basically if those 3 words part my lips, I'm there to stay. Take it as a policy on my soul and entire being. Break that trust and I'm gone. No hard feelings though.

I know pretty soon if I'm in love and when I do, I will say it. I don't need you to say it back.

That's not true, the x threw out the L word my way recently after i disappeared on his ass, some virgos just want to manipulate you and will use words if they think it will affect change.

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Whic part of "I" wasn't clear?