Cancer bestfriends abused by her husband

So i have a bestie, she is a cancer and we have been so close for years. We consider each others a sisters.

It's her second marriage.

Her first one was awful. She got treated badly, cheated on and physically abused.

She got divorced, her parents raising their daughter then she met someone else.

Few months after, she got married again with this man.

I thought everything was ok, until she told me that her now husband has drinking problem. She knew it even before they tied the knot.

I couldn't say anything because she has already married. So i kind of just see how things going.

A year after, she told me more about her now husband's behaviour. Long story short his drinking problem is getting worse, he got caught stealing. Then cheating with her friend while she is pregnant with his child.

His excuse was "i'm cheating on you because you're too focused on your pregnancy"

Mind you, he is a Leo.

Then he robbed his own family's house and went to jail. And other messed up things after that.

He doesn't have any job, unemployed and depending on his mom's property rental to live.

Recently he got caught cheating with another girl, and she's pregnant.

The thing is my cancer bestie still forgave him for those things he has done.

And she is still very devoted, real good housewife and mom. Very loving. She even wash his husband's feet after she found out he cheated on her.

He always came up with excuses, promised her that he will change that he won't do terrible things again. But the day after, he did it again.

But she still chose to stay, i don't understand.

I really feel so bad for her and i do care for her a lot. I don't like to see her being treated this way.

So i offer my place for her and his kids to move in and stay for a while, away from her crazy husband.

At first she said she's gonna leave him and come to my house, my family even support her to do that.

But then she told me she changed her mind and decided to stay with him for a lil more while to see if he is really going to change. Which i doubt.

Just this morning, she told me again that her husband didn't come home (again). She's all panicked and i know it hurts her.

How would this cancer bestie of mine open her eyes that she deserves better?

Posted by SpaceBird
Therapy.

Yes, i've been trying to talk to her about therapy.

Posted by Arielle83
Does she come from a dysfunctional family?

Has she grown up with trauma?

I asked her about it. Their parents relationship looks normal from the outside.

She told me that her relationship with them is pretty decent, not too close nor that distant.

But her mom is pretty dominant there and judgemental. She felt like she couldn't talk to her mom effectively because her mom would stop yelling and upset, blaming instead of working on to get a real solutions.

Then she admits that she is kind of mirroring her mom's behavior with her Leo husband. That then the Leo started to not telling her much about things.

Posted by Apparition

Posted by aquaglass
So i have a bestie, she is a cancer and we have been so close for years. We consider each others a sisters.

It's her second marriage.

Her first one was awful. She got treated badly, cheated on and physically abused.

She got divorced, her parents raising their daughter then she met someone else.

Few months after, she got married again with this man.

I thought everything was ok, until she told me that her now husband has drinking problem. She knew it even before they tied the knot.

I couldn't say anything because she has already married. So i kind of just see how things going.

A year after, she told me more about her now husband's behaviour. Long story short his drinking problem is getting worse, he got caught stealing. Then cheating with her friend while she is pregnant with his child.

His excuse was "i'm cheating on you because you're too focused on your pregnancy"

Mind you, he is a Leo.

Then he robbed his own family's house and went to jail. And other messed up things after that.

He doesn't have any job, unemployed and depending on his mom's property rental to live.

Recently he got caught cheating with another girl, and she's pregnant.

The thing is my cancer bestie still forgave him for those things he has done.

And she is still very devoted, real good housewife and mom. Very loving. She even wash his husband's feet after she found out he cheated on her.

He always came up with excuses, promised her that he will change that he won't do terrible things again. But the day after, he did it again.

But she still chose to stay, i don't understand.

I really feel so bad for her and i do care for her a lot. I don't like to see her being treated this way.

So i offer my place for her and his kids to move in and stay for a while, away from her crazy husband.

At first she said she's gonna leave him and come to my house, my family even support her to do that.

But then she told me she changed her mind and decided to stay with him for a lil more while to see if he is really going to change. Which i doubt.

Just this morning, she told me again that her husband didn't come home (again). She's all panicked and i know it hurts her.

How would this cancer bestie of mine open her eyes that she deserves better?

I know a lot of Cancerians, men and women alike, and if there is a seemingly universal trait among them it would be 'their worth'. By that I mean... If they feel as though their efforts are making a difference based on some crazy Cancerian Metric System they're going to stick sh*t out. You could yell... I wish you'd get hit by a truck as loud as you can, but the crab would just be like... look at all that passion he has inside of him... for me... I'll just ignore this. It'll get better because I know he still has feelings. :/

click to expand

True. I remember her still telling me good things about her husband even after he said hurtful things and did shitty things to her.

She still kind of finding anything to re-assure herself that he is still loves her despite all of those obvious abuses she got.

I at some point really appreciate that trait of her, she still look at things positively no matter how bad. Proud of her for that.

But at the same time i feel like my bestfriend is too naive that he would let herself being stepped on in the name of Love (that she believes that is). And even forget to love herself first.

Posted by Lioness18881
Her child was being raised by her parents instead of by her, and she ended up with the same type of guy twice. Is she doing something wrong too? He hasn't left her because he doesn't want to dump her but he's doing everything to get her to dump him (that's a weak leo man's way out) but why isn't she getting out. It sounds like she's the victim but if she's done nothing wrong, there's something missing from her story...

She always blames herself of what her husband's does to her.

She said that it's because of her, she couldn't be there and listen to her husband in a calm way when he needs her too, instead she always got too emotional and judgemental.

And other things that she thought it's her to blame for his behaviors.

Which i found it could yes and it could be even more than that, her husband has an issue basically and that's even has been there way before she entered his life.

This Leo man of her has a very unhealthy family. Toxic if i may say. Both of my bestfriend and her husband still haven't really touched the roots of their problems and start working it out for their own selves and sanity sake.

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
What sign was her first husband



Anyways it seems she's got self esteem issues.



I personally can't deal with anybody coming home after a night out with another woman

If i tolerate that. I don't love you. I'm with you for practical reasons.

But if i love you

I'm a very violent person

I mean not in the day to day

But if you hit a nerve nothing you say will make me feel better unless i physically hurt you

I might even stab you

Im serious.

So i can't be with anyone who wants to test my ptsd

I need a calm environment and loyalty

Her first husband was a Sagittarius.

She's not violent, she's that crying it out and blame herself kind of cancer.

But she told me earlier (and she probably telling me that in a very emotional way) that now she feels like she doesn't really love him the way she used to.

She is possesive.

But now, it feels like she's getting numb. But she still wants him for sex.

As strange as it may sounds, she told me that when she figured out that her husband is cheating and having sex with other woman, her sex drive seems increasing significantly that she would have sex with her husband every single night and not in a submissive way.

She wants to have sex with him as much as possible.

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
What sign was her first husband



Anyways it seems she's got self esteem issues.



I personally can't deal with anybody coming home after a night out with another woman

If i tolerate that. I don't love you. I'm with you for practical reasons.

But if i love you

I'm a very violent person

I mean not in the day to day

But if you hit a nerve nothing you say will make me feel better unless i physically hurt you

I might even stab you

Im serious.

So i can't be with anyone who wants to test my ptsd

I need a calm environment and loyalty

Her first husband was a Sagittarius.

She's not violent, she's that crying it out and blame herself kind of cancer.

But she told me earlier (and she probably telling me that in a very emotional way) that now she feels like she doesn't really love him the way she used to.

She is possesive.

But now, it feels like she's getting numb. But she still wants him for sex.

As strange as it may sounds, she told me that when she figured out that her husband is cheating and having sex with other woman, her sex drive seems increasing significantly that he would have sex with her husband every single night and not in a submissive way.

She wants to have sex with him as much as possible.

Lol what's her moon and rest of her placements

She's got to have fire somewhere but then fire is too jealous for that hot mess shit

click to expand

I don't remember her complete chart, but she is a pisces moon aries mars. I might have to check it again though, but no not a leo moon.

CC, her husband is a Leo. And those girls that he is cheating with are Cancers too. My bestie even said that he is a cancer magnet. Speaking about Leo man that you probably want too 😋

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by Arielle83
Does she come from a dysfunctional family?

Has she grown up with trauma?

I asked her about it. Their parents relationship looks normal from the outside.

She told me that her relationship with them is pretty decent, not too close nor that distant.

But her mom is pretty dominant there and judgemental. She felt like she couldn't talk to her mom effectively because her mom would stop yelling and upset, blaming instead of working on to get a real solutions.

Then she admits that she is kind of mirroring her mom's behavior with her Leo husband. That then the Leo started to not telling her much about things.

Hey yes that's all related to trauma. She feels empathy for these fools because she knows what she went through. She also doesn't understand a normal respectful relationship. Or how to have one. She needs excitement and instability, but she wants acceptance and picking ppl who will never give her what she needs.

Get her to order this ebook. Like $ 10. Look it up on ebooks. It's pretty old so might find it cheap in used bookstore.

https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216

She will see herself and there are coping mechanisms.

It's the psychology.

Therapy might be too real if she's in denial.

I have too many gfs who have been thru this. Our generation is based on the nuclear family falling apart.

The book will change her entire mentality.

click to expand

Thank you!

I like this psychology approach too. And yes i found that our upbringing really has strong influence of how we behave as an adult and why.

She is yes that woman who loves too much, way too much that she even forget to love herself.

The one line that i always remind her is please love yourself.

I think she does need help, i just hope that she will really take a step out of that house of him, with her kids to mine or to her parents (her mom apparently has known about it too, but not in too much details).

She has low self worth and self esteem. No one is gonna be able to help her until she helps herself. She needs to realize her worth and stop letting these losers in.

You're being a great friend to her by sticking by her side, but when women get treated like this, there really isn't much you can do except be there for them. She needs to realize that she needs help and this is no way to be treated.

Posted by aquaglass
She got divorced, her parents raising their daughter then she met someone else.

Few months after, she got married again with this man.

I feel sorry most for her daughter who didn't choose this situation. Mother is more concerned about her own happiness than her childs. Thats sad.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by aquaglass
She got divorced, her parents raising their daughter then she met someone else.

Few months after, she got married again with this man.

I feel sorry most for her daughter who didn't choose this situation. Mother is more concerned about her own happiness than her childs. Thats sad.

click to expand

Yes disgusting

Shame on her 👎

Posted by 2Moon

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
What sign was her first husband



Anyways it seems she's got self esteem issues.



I personally can't deal with anybody coming home after a night out with another woman

If i tolerate that. I don't love you. I'm with you for practical reasons.

But if i love you

I'm a very violent person

I mean not in the day to day

But if you hit a nerve nothing you say will make me feel better unless i physically hurt you

I might even stab you

Im serious.

So i can't be with anyone who wants to test my ptsd

I need a calm environment and loyalty

Her first husband was a Sagittarius.

She's not violent, she's that crying it out and blame herself kind of cancer.

But she told me earlier (and she probably telling me that in a very emotional way) that now she feels like she doesn't really love him the way she used to.

She is possesive.

But now, it feels like she's getting numb. But she still wants him for sex.

As strange as it may sounds, she told me that when she figured out that her husband is cheating and having sex with other woman, her sex drive seems increasing significantly that he would have sex with her husband every single night and not in a submissive way.

She wants to have sex with him as much as possible.

Lol what's her moon and rest of her placements

She's got to have fire somewhere but then fire is too jealous for that hot mess shit

I don't remember her complete chart, but she is a pisces moon aries mars. I might have to check it again though, but no not a leo moon.

CC, her husband is a Leo. And those girls that he is cheating with are Cancers too. My bestie even said that he is a cancer magnet. Speaking about Leo man that you probably want too 😋

Leo men are hoors and i was with a hoor too

But he wasn't my partner like that and we never had children



That type of Leo is disgusting

But yes crab women can be fascinated by Leo men

They're very masculine

Those type of cancers are disgusting*

Fixed for ya. Sht like this happens pretty often to Cancer women...

This guy might be a jerk, but this woman is worse imo. She is supporting his behavior, washing his feet, not respecting herself...

She deserves this. That's what she wants secretly I guess

click to expand

I agree. I see this a lot with the men and women. If they like you they are masochistic. If they don't like you they are sadistic. smh

I don't think she deserves it though.

Posted by saggurl88
She has low self worth and self esteem. No one is gonna be able to help her until she helps herself. She needs to realize her worth and stop letting these losers in.

You're being a great friend to her by sticking by her side, but when women get treated like this, there really isn't much you can do except be there for them. She needs to realize that she needs help and this is no way to be treated.

Yes, the self worth and self esteem part is indeed playing a huge role in her actions.

I'm trying as i can. Since i think i have told her everything that i can think of and she's till stay there, now i just kind of watching from a far and hope she will do the right thing for herself and her kids asap.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by aquaglass
She got divorced, her parents raising their daughter then she met someone else.

Few months after, she got married again with this man.

I feel sorry most for her daughter who didn't choose this situation. Mother is more concerned about her own happiness than her childs. Thats sad.

click to expand

She got pregnant when she's in highschool.

We're at the same class back then.

She dropped out of hs and gave birth, etc.

The guy who got her pregnant was at the same class too. When she was taking care of their lil daughter, he cheated on her with another girl in our class.

It was messed up indeed.

And i didn't know about the whole real situation (she got pregnant, etc) until few years after.

So when her guy cheating on her in our class, i didn't know that actually my cancer bestfriend is staying at his house with their child.

The thing that still fucked up my mind and so sad to think about is, her daughter doesn't know that she's her biological mother.

Instad, the little girl knows her as her older sister.

It's my bestfriend's parents name on her birth certificate.

I don't know about her, but if i was her it would hurt me so much knowing my own daughter would just see me as a sister.

Posted by 2Moon

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
What sign was her first husband



Anyways it seems she's got self esteem issues.



I personally can't deal with anybody coming home after a night out with another woman

If i tolerate that. I don't love you. I'm with you for practical reasons.

But if i love you

I'm a very violent person

I mean not in the day to day

But if you hit a nerve nothing you say will make me feel better unless i physically hurt you

I might even stab you

Im serious.

So i can't be with anyone who wants to test my ptsd

I need a calm environment and loyalty

Her first husband was a Sagittarius.

She's not violent, she's that crying it out and blame herself kind of cancer.

But she told me earlier (and she probably telling me that in a very emotional way) that now she feels like she doesn't really love him the way she used to.

She is possesive.

But now, it feels like she's getting numb. But she still wants him for sex.

As strange as it may sounds, she told me that when she figured out that her husband is cheating and having sex with other woman, her sex drive seems increasing significantly that he would have sex with her husband every single night and not in a submissive way.

She wants to have sex with him as much as possible.

Lol what's her moon and rest of her placements

She's got to have fire somewhere but then fire is too jealous for that hot mess shit

I don't remember her complete chart, but she is a pisces moon aries mars. I might have to check it again though, but no not a leo moon.

CC, her husband is a Leo. And those girls that he is cheating with are Cancers too. My bestie even said that he is a cancer magnet. Speaking about Leo man that you probably want too 😋

The other thots are Cancers too? 😆 HAAA!!!

and they probably know that he is already married and they are okay with this...



Smh, CANCER women are so stupid. 😆 !

click to expand

Well, i know well that no matter how crazy my bestfriend is there are some good qualities in her. We're now just talking about a part of her life that is really shitty. And yes for that matter i agree that she is stupid for letting these whole thing still going. I even kind of tired of it sometimes.

Yes, they are cancers and they do know the he is married.

The first one even was their friends. So the three of them were aware of the whole marriage situation of him.

The current one is dare enough to talk to my friend about her affair with her husband.

And threatening to show up and tell his entire family about the affair and how he promised her everything.

Not to mention that she is now pregnant, but they said that it's not his baby. It's from her previous marriage, and guess what? A marriage with someone else's husband too.

I can't understand this whole insane things these heads do.

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by aquaglass
She got divorced, her parents raising their daughter then she met someone else.

Few months after, she got married again with this man.

I feel sorry most for her daughter who didn't choose this situation. Mother is more concerned about her own happiness than her childs. Thats sad.

She got pregnant when she's in highschool.

We're at the same class back then.

She dropped out of hs and gave birth, etc.

The guy who got her pregnant was at the same class too. When she was taking care of their lil daughter, he cheated on her with another girl in our class.

It was messed up indeed.

And i didn't know about the whole real situation (she got pregnant, etc) until few years after.

So when her guy cheating on her in our class, i didn't know that actually my cancer bestfriend is staying at his house with their child.

The thing that still fucked up my mind and so sad to think about is, her daughter doesn't know that she's her biological mother.

Instad, the little girl knows her as her older sister.

It's my bestfriend's parents name on her birth certificate.

I don't know about her, but if i was her it would hurt me so much knowing my own daughter would just see me as a sister.

click to expand

That's really messed up situation. She definitely needs some sort of therapy to gain insight into her primary family and her own dynamics.

UPDATE

Cancer bestie just told me that her husband hasn't come home for 3 days in a row now.

And she's ready to file a divorce. She said that after the filing gets done she'll stay at mine then.

I told her let's see a therapist / mental health professional when she gets here later, with me.

I have anxiety and i have seen a professional before, mental health awareness helps me much to cope.

But she declined. She insists that she doesn't need it. Oh my why. I'm tired. Though i'm ready for her and kids to come here. Let's see

Posted by 2Moon

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee

Posted by aquaglass

Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
What sign was her first husband



Anyways it seems she's got self esteem issues.



I personally can't deal with anybody coming home after a night out with another woman

If i tolerate that. I don't love you. I'm with you for practical reasons.

But if i love you

I'm a very violent person

I mean not in the day to day

But if you hit a nerve nothing you say will make me feel better unless i physically hurt you

I might even stab you

Im serious.

So i can't be with anyone who wants to test my ptsd

I need a calm environment and loyalty

Her first husband was a Sagittarius.

She's not violent, she's that crying it out and blame herself kind of cancer.

But she told me earlier (and she probably telling me that in a very emotional way) that now she feels like she doesn't really love him the way she used to.

She is possesive.

But now, it feels like she's getting numb. But she still wants him for sex.

As strange as it may sounds, she told me that when she figured out that her husband is cheating and having sex with other woman, her sex drive seems increasing significantly that he would have sex with her husband every single night and not in a submissive way.

She wants to have sex with him as much as possible.

Lol what's her moon and rest of her placements

She's got to have fire somewhere but then fire is too jealous for that hot mess shit

I don't remember her complete chart, but she is a pisces moon aries mars. I might have to check it again though, but no not a leo moon.

CC, her husband is a Leo. And those girls that he is cheating with are Cancers too. My bestie even said that he is a cancer magnet. Speaking about Leo man that you probably want too 😋

Leo men are hoors and i was with a hoor too

But he wasn't my partner like that and we never had children



That type of Leo is disgusting

But yes crab women can be fascinated by Leo men

They're very masculine

Those type of cancers are disgusting*

Fixed for ya. Sht like this happens pretty often to Cancer women...

This guy might be a jerk, but this woman is worse imo. She is supporting his behavior, washing his feet, not respecting herself...

She deserves this. That's what she wants secretly I guess

click to expand

2moon did ever crossed your mind, that some people never in their entire life got care or love and the role she plays now in rs is not something she wants, but the only thing she knows and therefore this is mistaken for love.

As someone already said, all of this has nothing to do with her being a Cancer, but everything with her psyche.

So stop shitting on Crab women, you are only making a fool of yourself with your horse view.

Posted by aquaglass
UPDATE

Cancer bestie just told me that her husband hasn't come home for 3 days in a row now.

And she's ready to file a divorce. She said that after the filing gets done she'll stay at mine then.

I told her let's see a therapist / mental health professional when she gets here later, with me.

I have anxiety and i have seen a professional before, mental health awareness helps me much to cope.

But she declined. She insists that she doesn't need it. Oh my why. I'm tired. Though i'm ready for her and kids to come here. Let's see

You can help her, but sooner or later its gonna drain you if she doesn't start getting her shit together.

With the next man, it'll be the same story. It's a pattern.

I would set her clear boundaries. I'll help you, but you start helping yourself.

She clearly has no insight, so therapy could be too much for her at the moment.

Book arielle83 suggested could be ok for a start, so she realizes that she has problems and that with professional help they can be solved.

If she doesn't put in some effort, I would let it go.