Cancer man who is my friend left me. LOL

I thought it was just Cancer men as romantic partners leave women, but I guess they leave as friends too. LOL

I became friends with a Cancer co-worker who is much older than myself. I have never seen him as anything more than a friend and mentor and he's seen me as more than a friend. But I told him to not complicate things for himself because it's unattainable given where both of us respectively are in our lives. I'm seeking to get married and settle down while he's married and can't have kids. We had a very good friendship going and I even got to talk to his wife. His wife is really nice. The thing is every single time we've hung out as friends, he's kept it hidden from his wife. I advised him that if he's actively hiding it from her, then it makes it seem like he's doing something wrong even when he's not. He gave a valid response and goes "what wife will understand and allow her husband hanging out with an attractive and much younger than him lady?" He's kept it hidden. Every time I'm single, he's just really cool with me, but when I'm talking/seeing some guy and tell him about it, he distances himself. Recently I was talking to a guy and when I told him about it, he distanced himself and this time never came back. I even gave him an ultimatum to stop abandoning the friendship, and he just immediately pulled a stereotypical Cancer move wherein he read the message immediately but didn't respond. This is the first time I'm dealing with a Cancer who behaves like what I read on DXP. Please advise on what is going on in his head. I didn't even do anything wrong.

This is going to be a good thread....

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

click to expand

Doesn't men liking women wants to bone them? That's more. Friendship isn't enough.

OP - there is no friendship between man and woman!

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Any married man that actively hits on someone doesn't often 'really like' the women they pursue. They just don't know how to maintain their marriage, themselves or both.

I missed the part where he was married.

This may be exactly how he is maintaining his marriage, distancing himself from someone he got too close to.

Maybe. But it seems like he's established a pattern with her.

OP shouldn't be maintaining the friendship anyways though. If he has this strong of an attraction to her where he's getting moody then it's already in dangerous territory.

click to expand

She should have cut it off the first time he tried to "hide" it from the wife.

My 2 cents, Even thou I question the legitimacy of this thread she made:

Posted by tnmnt

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

hmmm... that's not how Cancer men think hun

If that was his intention he wouldn't care about her seeing someone else.. He'd just "bone" her

The disappearing occurs when the Cancer man is getting attached, OR (and I think this is the case) when he has the suspect that the other person is becoming attached / clingy / invasive

OP maybe you're becoming attached and a little too invasive?

click to expand

Not at all. I'm not attached to him or invasive. I don't behave like that with my friends. For context, he's 55 and I'm 30. I have never given him any hope that we could have something. He's strictly a platonic friend. He's the one walking around with a guilty conscience because he has feelings for me which he can't act on because it's not reciprocated and we are at different points in our lives. He knows we can't be together.

For those that are saying he wants to bone me, I'm telling you that if that were the case he would've bounced by now for not getting some. He's been a really caring and good friend to me. He admires me and thinks that I'm a really good person.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Doesn't men liking women wants to bone them? That's more. Friendship isn't enough.

OP - there is no friendship between man and woman!

click to expand

Although there's truth to that old adage, but that's bullshit when we are talking about an Aquarius.

Posted by 3lusive

Posted by tnmnt

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

hmmm... that's not how Cancer men think hun

If that was his intention he wouldn't care about her seeing someone else.. He'd just "bone" her

The disappearing occurs when the Cancer man is getting attached, OR (and I think this is the case) when he has the suspect that the other person is becoming attached / clingy / invasive

OP maybe you're becoming attached and a little too invasive?

Not at all. I'm not attached to him or invasive. I don't behave like that with my friends. For context, he's 55 and I'm 30. I have never given him any hope that we could have something. He's strictly a platonic friend. He's the one walking around with a guilty conscience because he has feelings for me which he can't act on because it's not reciprocated and we are at different points in our lives. He knows we can't be together.

For those that are saying he wants to bone me, I'm telling you that if that were the case he would've bounced by now for not getting some. He's been a really caring and good friend to me. He admires me and thinks that I'm a really good person.

click to expand

He hides you like his dirty little secret- he wants to fuck you

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Any married man that actively hits on someone doesn't often 'really like' the women they pursue. They just don't know how to maintain their marriage, themselves or both.

I missed the part where he was married.

This may be exactly how he is maintaining his marriage, distancing himself from someone he got too close to.

click to expand

There's no need to save marriage when it was never in peril. I am not offering him anything sexual. We are strictly platonic friends. Even if he feels that he's getting attached, which he already is and has always been to me, he knows nothing can happen. His marriage is not at risk.

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Doesn't men liking women wants to bone them? That's more. Friendship isn't enough.

OP - there is no friendship between man and woman!

I'm saying he might have feelings for her beyond just wanting to have sex. I assume he wants to have sex with her.

click to expand

In any way it's screwed up!

Old horny goat friend and young beauty who playing 'I don't know what's on his mind'...?

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by 3lusive

Posted by tnmnt

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

hmmm... that's not how Cancer men think hun

If that was his intention he wouldn't care about her seeing someone else.. He'd just "bone" her

The disappearing occurs when the Cancer man is getting attached, OR (and I think this is the case) when he has the suspect that the other person is becoming attached / clingy / invasive

OP maybe you're becoming attached and a little too invasive?

Not at all. I'm not attached to him or invasive. I don't behave like that with my friends. For context, he's 55 and I'm 30. I have never given him any hope that we could have something. He's strictly a platonic friend. He's the one walking around with a guilty conscience because he has feelings for me which he can't act on because it's not reciprocated and we are at different points in our lives. He knows we can't be together.

For those that are saying he wants to bone me, I'm telling you that if that were the case he would've bounced by now for not getting some. He's been a really caring and good friend to me. He admires me and thinks that I'm a really good person.

Don't you see that he bounces every time you date someone?

A real friend wouldn't give you grief or act disinterested under that circumstance. They'd be happy for you.

He admires you and cares for you because he wants something from you for himself, not for the good of the friendship.

click to expand

That's the sad thing I realized that he was never a true friend no matter how great our friendship was. Believe me, it was not just that he wanted to have sex because it was never offered. I think that up until I was single, he had no problem being my friend because he felt like he had my time or attention, which I give to my friends even when I'm in a relationship. He just felt like now my attention would divert or maybe he couldn't fathom the thought of me with someone else.

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by 3lusive

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Any married man that actively hits on someone doesn't often 'really like' the women they pursue. They just don't know how to maintain their marriage, themselves or both.

I missed the part where he was married.

This may be exactly how he is maintaining his marriage, distancing himself from someone he got too close to.

There's no need to save marriage when it was never in peril. I am not offering him anything sexual. We are strictly platonic friends. Even if he feels that he's getting attached, which he already is and has always been to me, he knows nothing can happen. His marriage is not at risk.

Well, that leaves me with three theories. One, he knows nothing can happen, so he's done, because regardless of what you think, he wanted to have an affair with you. Or two, he believes something might happen between you, and he's making sure it doesn't. Or three, he doesn't give as much of a damn about you as you thought he did.

click to expand

Option 3. It can't be option one because he knew that from the beginning yet remained my good friend for 2 yrs. Option 2 isn't even a possibility.

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by 3lusive

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Any married man that actively hits on someone doesn't often 'really like' the women they pursue. They just don't know how to maintain their marriage, themselves or both.

I missed the part where he was married.

This may be exactly how he is maintaining his marriage, distancing himself from someone he got too close to.

There's no need to save marriage when it was never in peril. I am not offering him anything sexual. We are strictly platonic friends. Even if he feels that he's getting attached, which he already is and has always been to me, he knows nothing can happen. His marriage is not at risk.

Well, that leaves me with three theories. One, he knows nothing can happen, so he's done, because regardless of what you think, he wanted to have an affair with you. Or two, he believes something might happen between you, and he's making sure it doesn't. Or three, he doesn't give as much of a damn about you as you thought he did.

Yeah it's one of these three.

Just because you don't have ill intentions OP doesn't mean he doesn't.

click to expand

What a sad world we live in where people can just enjoy the good times for what they are, especially when they are okay with it in the beginning. BTW, I have other male Cancer friends as well and none of them did this shit that he pulled.

Posted by justagirl

Posted by 3lusive

Posted by tnmnt

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

hmmm... that's not how Cancer men think hun

If that was his intention he wouldn't care about her seeing someone else.. He'd just "bone" her

The disappearing occurs when the Cancer man is getting attached, OR (and I think this is the case) when he has the suspect that the other person is becoming attached / clingy / invasive

OP maybe you're becoming attached and a little too invasive?

Not at all. I'm not attached to him or invasive. I don't behave like that with my friends. For context, he's 55 and I'm 30. I have never given him any hope that we could have something. He's strictly a platonic friend. He's the one walking around with a guilty conscience because he has feelings for me which he can't act on because it's not reciprocated and we are at different points in our lives. He knows we can't be together.

For those that are saying he wants to bone me, I'm telling you that if that were the case he would've bounced by now for not getting some. He's been a really caring and good friend to me. He admires me and thinks that I'm a really good person.

He hides you like his dirty little secret- he wants to fuck you

click to expand

Yes, he's hiding me because his intentions are not good. That's the thing I realized when I noticed him avoiding his wife's calls. I called him out and his response is valid too though. I guess guys can't be friends with women they like. It's like they ahve to bang her or it's not sufficient.

Posted by justagirl

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Any married man that actively hits on someone doesn't often 'really like' the women they pursue. They just don't know how to maintain their marriage, themselves or both.

I missed the part where he was married.

This may be exactly how he is maintaining his marriage, distancing himself from someone he got too close to.

Maybe. But it seems like he's established a pattern with her.

OP shouldn't be maintaining the friendship anyways though. If he has this strong of an attraction to her where he's getting moody then it's already in dangerous territory.

She should have cut it off the first time he tried to "hide" it from the wife.

My 2 cents, Even thou I question the legitimacy of this thread she made:

click to expand

Why would I cut it off when I enjoy our friendship adn have done nothing wrong?! That's just stupid.

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by 3lusive

Posted by justagirl

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by Algol-Rising

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

And to be nice about it, he might want more than a bone. He might really like her. He's not comfortable in the "just friends" role. Maybe he will be some day, maybe not.

Any married man that actively hits on someone doesn't often 'really like' the women they pursue. They just don't know how to maintain their marriage, themselves or both.

I missed the part where he was married.

This may be exactly how he is maintaining his marriage, distancing himself from someone he got too close to.

Maybe. But it seems like he's established a pattern with her.

OP shouldn't be maintaining the friendship anyways though. If he has this strong of an attraction to her where he's getting moody then it's already in dangerous territory.

She should have cut it off the first time he tried to "hide" it from the wife.

My 2 cents, Even thou I question the legitimacy of this thread she made:

Why would I cut it off when I enjoy our friendship adn have done nothing wrong?! That's just stupid.

It's not your fault you didn't cut it off in the beginning. He's the older one, the married one. He should have known better.

While I understand how upsetting it is when you think someone respects you for your mind and ideas as a friend and colleague, and then you find out they just wanted to have sex with you, try not to think of it as reflective of you. Perhaps he's a big asshole. Perhaps he fucked up and is trying to correct it. Perhaps he was feeling the same as you, and then his feelings switched because you're just that adorable.

click to expand

Honestly, he's such a nice guy and I have nothing bad to say about him. Even to hear him being called or perceived as an asshole is not something I condone. He felt very strongly about me and we really connected well on an emotional level. I just feel his emotions got the best of him and so he left. Only a cancer will understand this sentiment because they know their emotions and how it can really get the best of them. He told me some stories of how he behaved with previous women in his life etc. and I thought it was abnormal but that's because I'm completely different. However, I have received a greater understanding in the life of an insecure Cancer man. If I told you what was shared about his thinking, I'd say he did the right thing for himself. I just wanted to know if he would come back to the friendship. I hold friendships (good ones) very dearly.

Posted by tnmnt

Posted by 3lusive

Posted by tnmnt

Posted by Ellygant
He's not your friend. He wants to bone you. He's pretending to be your friend, hoping you'll bone him one day. That's why he's squirrelly when you're dating someone.

If he was your friend he wouldn't lie to his wife or be put off by your dating habits. So he takes it as a form of rejection and disappears.

hmmm... that's not how Cancer men think hun

If that was his intention he wouldn't care about her seeing someone else.. He'd just "bone" her

The disappearing occurs when the Cancer man is getting attached, OR (and I think this is the case) when he has the suspect that the other person is becoming attached / clingy / invasive

OP maybe you're becoming attached and a little too invasive?

Not at all. I'm not attached to him or invasive. I don't behave like that with my friends. For context, he's 55 and I'm 30. I have never given him any hope that we could have something. He's strictly a platonic friend. He's the one walking around with a guilty conscience because he has feelings for me which he can't act on because it's not reciprocated and we are at different points in our lives. He knows we can't be together.

For those that are saying he wants to bone me, I'm telling you that if that were the case he would've bounced by now for not getting some. He's been a really caring and good friend to me. He admires me and thinks that I'm a really good person.

I'm not sure why he acted like that, then, but I can relate to him.

This episode might be unrelated to what happened to you but it might help you understand our disappearing mechanism:

I was in contact with an Aries guy who was a developer. I'm an in-house graphic designer looking to expand my career and thought that freelancing with him would've been a good way to begin. We had many ideas in common and good intentions.

We were working together but none of us was getting paid, clearly. Everything was at an early stage, money would've came in eventually. One day he texts me bringing up the fact that his wife didn't think it was fair for me to work on concepts without being paid. I replied in the moment, reassuring him that was nothing to be concerned about and that we both had common goals. But for me that was a big turn down. I thought: His wife already being so nosy? Why did he bring this up? Why is he insecure?

I disappeared.

click to expand

Yep, you're definitely like my friend. I don't relate or understand why you disappeared, but he did the exact same thing in his life (going off the stories he shared of his past). It makes no sense to me but I just listened all fascinated about the mind of a Cancer man and how it reasons. Thank you for sharing that.