Confusing Capricorn man

Hello Capricorns,

I met this guy last year in October but I was probably on his radar earlier than that. He wasn't on mine till October. The first 3 dates last year was a bust, but I maintained peace and we are "friendly".

*We have great conversations, good vibes, but I'm still a bit hesitant seeing his dark side. Need more time to see more of him.

*We work together in different roles. I am technically a boss and he is working under another boss.

*There is a 12 year age gap, him being the oldest.

*He always tries to find "indirect" ways to come see me. But flirts so directly with others.

*He has expressed "I love how you are able to just be confident, focus, and get things done" (continues complimenting me)

*He'll ask me over to his place every 2 week or so on average. Sometimes once a month. No communication ever.

*We had sex finally. But it was due to him being unable to take it anymore. I willfully played along with his plan: he asked me "if you're not busy later, hit me up"

If i didn't say yes, it probably bruise him. Knowing he might also think about leading into more if the night goes right. We fell asleep, he was sweet and tender . Gave him a massage etc. talked a lot laughed a lot. In the middle of the night, he literally just said "I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore, and came on top of me"

*2 weeks go by, we are at work, ever so often we will bump into each other and he'll give me the most tender look and hugs. He doesn't hug anyone else like this ever. He keeps it together with me (this past weeks)

Bet you guys are thinking "where is this going?!"

*Today , he came over to see me as it was "convenient" and started to share with me what has been going on in his life. He added

'YOU SHOULD'VE CAME OVER YESTERDAY!" but no invitation was sent. No call or text of asking me to hang out.

I then asked him if tonight we could hang out then. He seemed like up in the air about it.

What is the theory behind this kind of behavior. With all that I've listed.

You want me but you don't. You need me but you don't. You clearly like me and see potential but you rarely touch base.

If a capricorn plans everything they say , and everything has a purpose.

What in the world was the purpose of him saying "you should've came over and hang out yesterday!" But not actually ask?

I'm tired of being shut down btw as well, every time he asks me its always last minute. When I ask him to hang out its always NO.

No to going here, no to going there.

Help theorize this kind of behavior. Feel free to ask me any questions

LOL he knows I'm not dating anyone.

Posted by xoxflute

Sounds like an FWB waiting to happen

Interesting! you always provide insight to situations. Thank you!

What has lead you to this? Curious to see how it was all connected. Because he isn't taking me on dates/ saying yes to my needs?

There is more info that could also rebuttal that but here and now, fwb seems highly probable.

I know I'm not looking for that, how should I go about avoiding it? direct talk? ask him first?

Posted by DeadInside

Posted by candi3bb2

LOL he knows I'm not dating anyone.

does the whole enterprise see you as "the couple" or no

click to expand

'

Enterprise? our company? No its unprofessional. Especially in the line of work we do. Its better to not say anything.

I once told him to keep it private. Whatever it is. He also has been going around to other fellow colleagues and asking about what i'm about.

He is black and im chinese. He once said (during one of my conversations about what love is and my mom came up) but "you never brought a black man home" to which I said "irregardless if I were to act differently with this man, or not, my mother being a capricorn is set in her ways, I respect her for wanting to give me something, who in the world would give me anything?, She is my mother, but I have the right to date whomever I please. Even if it disappoints her, she still has the right to be her and I have my right to be me" to which he smiled.

This whole FWB thing is highly probable but there are intimate conversation situations since last year that is a lot to go through. 1. asking others about me. 2. finding ways to be close to me without being obvious. 3. helping me move soon 4. keeping promises?

Also we work in tv/film. We work very very long hours, so its quite hard to see each other without sacrificing our well being. Out of a week we get about 8-15 hours of free time.

Perfect thanks so much xoxflute! this is the core of it all. Problem solved.

Cap here; two Cap parents; Cap brother; a Cap was the love of my life.

He definitely likes you. No invitation was sent because we expect you to read our minds when we like you.

He cares what colleagues say about you because we observe people we fancy...and we care about how they're perceived by others. We're gauging if they'll be part of our public image someday. If you're in a higher position, then you're ahead already. Cap men have high standards.

Plus...when we REALLY like you, we're indirect as fuck in the beginning.

Everything your Cap is doing is what my Cap used to do. And he now says he was in love.

I should add, though...my Cap was also older, also of another race than my own, and he didn't go "all in" until he lost me. I'm convinced my precious Caps love torturous love.

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by Reciprocity8

Cap here; two Cap parents; Cap brother; a Cap was the love of my life.

He definitely likes you. No invitation was sent because we expect you to read our minds when we like you.

He cares what colleagues say about you because we observe people we fancy...and we care about how they're perceived by others. We're gauging if they'll be part of our public image someday. If you're in a higher position, then you're ahead already. Cap men have high standards.

Plus...when we REALLY like you, we're indirect as fuck in the beginning.

Everything your Cap is doing is what my Cap used to do. And he now says he was in love.

I should add, though...my Cap was also older, also of another race than my own, and he didn't go "all in" until he lost me. I'm convinced my precious Caps love torturous love.

I'm not saying it's not a possibility. But this Cap keeps declining to hanging out with OP and only have asked OP last minute to hang out?

click to expand

With Cap males, they like to initiate and be in control. There is also the possibility that he's entertaining other women too. So, he's making his decision to narrow it down to one in his own timing and on his own terms.

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by Reciprocity8

Posted by xoxflute

Posted by Reciprocity8

Cap here; two Cap parents; Cap brother; a Cap was the love of my life.

He definitely likes you. No invitation was sent because we expect you to read our minds when we like you.

He cares what colleagues say about you because we observe people we fancy...and we care about how they're perceived by others. We're gauging if they'll be part of our public image someday. If you're in a higher position, then you're ahead already. Cap men have high standards.

Plus...when we REALLY like you, we're indirect as fuck in the beginning.

Everything your Cap is doing is what my Cap used to do. And he now says he was in love.

I should add, though...my Cap was also older, also of another race than my own, and he didn't go "all in" until he lost me. I'm convinced my precious Caps love torturous love.

I'm not saying it's not a possibility. But this Cap keeps declining to hanging out with OP and only have asked OP last minute to hang out?

With Cap males, they like to initiate and be in control. There is also the possibility that he's entertaining other women too. So, he's making his decision to narrow it down to one in his own timing and on his own terms.

I get that, but asking last minute is not really the idea of being in control though. The more last minute someone initiates, the more likely they'll be turned down as it is more likely the other person has already made other plans. Asking last minute is more Aries territory: spontaneous fun. If this Cap was really about wanting to ask her out, I think he would've ask far in advance.

IMO

click to expand

It IS actually a matter of control. We ask at the last minute to see how you respond to our curveballs. We also do it to see if you're willing to cancel other plans for us. But...my advice to her would be to not be so available all the time. We goats love WORK. Meaning: make us work for your love, time, and attention. We're also not nearly as confident as we project ourselves to be...so, if he comes out of seemingly nowhere expressing affection of any degree, he's likely been thinking about her during the time away from her. That time away was likely received as disconnectedness from her viewpoint. But...it's not for us Caps...because during that time, we're in our heads...connecting with you that way.

I've lost count of the times this has happened: I was in my head, missing the other person...and he thought I was disconnected and no longer interested. Or worse yet, like with the Scorpio I dated recently, where he thought I'd only used him for sex...because of that confusing, hard-to-decipher Cap behavior.

@Xoxflute, that is cool! my dad is Shanghainese as well. Granted I cant speak it. I do speak mandarin intermediately. Parents made me take chinese school till college. Ni hao ma?!

@xoxflue and Reciprocity8

can i first start off and say, I love you cap ladies! the brain on you guys. You guys both have weighed out equally and I do lean more towards Reciprocity8 explanation though. Due to the fact, there is more information that i'm lazy to type on here. Both are highly probable in this stage of sizing down and up.

However, that info doesn't change the present.

Our decisions determine everything, and so far he has made slow very slow decisions and progress. At first I really thought he could be using me, as I am very good at what I do, i'll be a great asset in his business. He has become more and more reliable. Im an art coordinator, he is a set dresser. He is essentially a mover working under the Decorator. His boss used to work under him. Tv/film is very very different than corporate America. My job is the Ving Rhames to Tom cruise. We rarely see each other and find it hard to go out of the way, sometimes He is on location. I'm always in the office. My job is crazy..a lot of mental energy for 14 hours. So if the argument is "he only sees you out of convenience" I think that is the only way we could ever see each other...if we are going to see each other at all. Our reputation is everything, so one bad gossip, its like a lil pin hole in a balloon. We work by word of mouth. So being private is super important. So the argument that "If a guy likes you everyone would know" but he also flirts with others. Isn't it more so what he ISN"T doing is the answer in this case? He refused sex with me before (sorry xo! should've mentioned this), so the time we had sex once was when he couldn't take it anymore. I said "I'm sick and to stay away from me .



1. "wanna go to jeju? " (those korean saunas) (after work)

he responds "no, but if you're free afterwards, you can come on by"

2. We met up to do a talk about this business and what I can do to provide. Afterwards, I was getting a bit hungry and said I'd love to go to ____ to get some food , would you like to join? He said no, he'll probably get an afternoon nap in.

3. our birthdays are 4 days apart, I suggested I cook some food for us. He said no as he has his own plans. Granted he didn't invite me.

That is pretty much the times I got shut down.

@reciprocity8

How can I read his mind if he gives me now huge sign. I mean I could always see what he is doing but i'm not like that. I honestly have been extremely busy, I prefer men who have courage. I can't stand this, playing every whim, pretending I dont know. Its exhausting. Im an aquarius though, with cap mercury, mars in scorpio. 5th house in capricorn. He is a cap with nothing but air and fire placements. Aqua moon, sag rising, aqua venus, mars in sag etc.

Seeing how i'll see him later, How should I get him to finally just give me some closure. This neither here or there to me is mad disrespect. Dont waste my time/energy. Make it clear and known. And if you can't Im moving on.

Posted by candi3bb2

Hello Capricorns,

I met this guy last year in October but I was probably on his radar earlier than that. He wasn't on mine till October. The first 3 dates last year was a bust, but I maintained peace and we are "friendly".

*We have great conversations, good vibes, but I'm still a bit hesitant seeing his dark side. Need more time to see more of him.

*We work together in different roles. I am technically a boss and he is working under another boss.

*There is a 12 year age gap, him being the oldest.

*He always tries to find "indirect" ways to come see me. But flirts so directly with others.

*He has expressed "I love how you are able to just be confident, focus, and get things done" (continues complimenting me)

*He'll ask me over to his place every 2 week or so on average. Sometimes once a month. No communication ever.

*We had sex finally. But it was due to him being unable to take it anymore. I willfully played along with his plan: he asked me "if you're not busy later, hit me up"

If i didn't say yes, it probably bruise him. Knowing he might also think about leading into more if the night goes right. We fell asleep, he was sweet and tender . Gave him a massage etc. talked a lot laughed a lot. In the middle of the night, he literally just said "I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore, and came on top of me"

*2 weeks go by, we are at work, ever so often we will bump into each other and he'll give me the most tender look and hugs. He doesn't hug anyone else like this ever. He keeps it together with me (this past weeks)

Bet you guys are thinking "where is this going?!"

*Today , he came over to see me as it was "convenient" and started to share with me what has been going on in his life. He added

'YOU SHOULD'VE CAME OVER YESTERDAY!" but no invitation was sent. No call or text of asking me to hang out.

I then asked him if tonight we could hang out then. He seemed like up in the air about it.

What is the theory behind this kind of behavior. With all that I've listed.

You want me but you don't. You need me but you don't. You clearly like me and see potential but you rarely touch base.

If a capricorn plans everything they say , and everything has a purpose.

What in the world was the purpose of him saying "you should've came over and hang out yesterday!" But not actually ask?

I'm tired of being shut down btw as well, every time he asks me its always last minute. When I ask him to hang out its always NO.

No to going here, no to going there.

Help theorize this kind of behavior. Feel free to ask me any questions

Doesn’t sound like a Capricorn man issue.

Honestly just sounds like an infatuated poor communicator issue.

I wouldn’t. Especially with work involved. Or I’d at least play very very - very - slow and carefully.

Thanks guys! Very insightful as always here in cap forums.

I've decided to stay clear of him. Irregardless what nonsensical logical he'll spit at me. Decision set.

Posted by candi3bb2

This whole FWB thing is highly probable but there are intimate conversation situations since last year that is a lot to go through. 1. asking others about me. 2. finding ways to be close to me without being obvious. 3. helping me move soon 4. keeping promises?

All ways to get you into bed.

Look at it this way: you have been talking for a year and now also had sex, but there is no talk of a relationship, and as you say, he doesn't really communicate when it's not to see you, and it's always last minute and when you ask him, it's always no. It's clear.

Posted by candi3bb2

Thanks guys! Very insightful as always here in cap forums.

I've decided to stay clear of him. Irregardless what nonsensical logical he'll spit at me. Decision set.

Oh, I'm so late with my answer then.

If you are looking for a relationship, I think you are making the right decision. 😊

He's creating a FWB's relationship. Open your eyes. It's right in front of you to see.

Never be scared to tell a man the truth in fear of hurting his ego.

Posted by DMV

Never be scared to tell a man the truth in fear of hurting his ego.

Absolutely not! Im not about that...But before i give more energy into telling him the truth. One question before all of that: Who is he to me to spend that energy? What will i benefit from it? How would he benefit from it?

Energy to tell him something is a decision to

A)work things out

B) make things potentially worse.Keep in mind we work in the same industry.

C) to get the last laugh? My decision would be self explanatory

A) irregardless if he is thinking lovely things of us, or fwb, he isn't good with my feelings. He makes me feel horrible. What he hasn't done is a lot more. I've tested this by showing him my gf side: sweet, attentive, stable, etc if it would move him into action, that didn't work. I've compassionately forgiven him and I'm sure he wouldn't be able if i said the things he said to him. BUT I'd have to read his mind, feel his moods, respect those things, art and make choices off of him. WHO is he? A guy that I'm only getting to know, to do all of that it's inappropriate to me to do so.



B) He would continue to blame me in his head. all the aquarius aloof unexpected acts. I beg to differ. I'll politely evade, if we see each other things will be just as is. We rarely talk or text anyways. He lies anyways. Nothing but sweet smiles, general greetings, then move on. If he confuses that as misleading, I'd say ditto. If he gets hurt by my future rejection, why get hurt? Because his fantasies in his head? Why read his mind when he barely does that for me? Point is if he expects things from me based on certain values. He'd better be able to live up to his own expectations. He hasnt.

I just know with this cap guy that he lights the fire and takes no accountability. Nothing can be good for a deep relationship of ANY KIND.

I'll just be less and less available till suddenly its drifted off. If he never contacts me again, I'm fine with that too. He can continue living in his head like an aquarius trait he hates.

All about damage control now and exiting as gracefully as possible