Well, Well, Well (Page 2)

BTW ...I do remember Pong, HP

Hmmm yeah that's the part that really screws with my head....I invited him first and gave him until Sunday to decide....5 days!!! He replied within an hour!! Then, tells me last night all sheepishly....I say bugger it all and sent him a text this morning saying "maybe another time" coz I don't particularly want to be the after thought, being dumped from my own dinner invitation and getting the scraps after he's been sitting down to a family meal with his ex and her kids. I get that he loves those kids but lets face it, they are not little kids anymore....they are 21, 18, 16 and 14, plus his own daughter 7. (his ex is either a lot older than him or she had kids way young). She has him by the balls somehow!! dunno what it is but I don't really want this to continue and allow him to mess with me week in week out. His reply text was "I don't intend on staying long so it won't be a problem catching up around 8.30!!"....Pfffttt, he has ALL freaking day to go and spend time with them and my invitation was first and yes he should know exactly when all their birthdays are as yes he was a big part of their lives and yes he is probably the only father figure they know but still~! sheesh

I thought it would get better but nup....I wouldn't even dream of cancelling an invitation with him particularly when he asked first to spend time with my ex and his family!!!

Argghhhhhh this is the last invitation Im making for a LONG time and even I get sick of the rejection thing......he can damn well make some effort now, that's if I even see him on Sunday - Im THAT angry yes and he didn't even say "im sorry, I can't make dinner".....it was just so matter of fact but then again I was too nice about it too....Lesson learnt, don't be so nice!!!

I doubt its a test, I just think this is who he is and he continually says he goes to things so as not to offend but he'd rather offend me?

*goes to lick wounds*

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

haven't you been the one thats been enormously patient, making huge efforts and playing nice from day one, why should this situation be any different. The game doesn't end because he decided to be exclusive, its only just begun.

::circus music in the distant background::

Nah, not doing this....not for his ex...if it was for his daughter I'd understand, if he said he has to go there first to spend some time with them for b/day celebrations I'd understand but for MY efforts of planning a really nice meal, etc to be tossed out just coz his ex snaps her fingers?? you have GOT to be joking!!! For him to write a text "I don't intend to be there long"— forget it....he could have not stayed there long and then come to my place for dinner...simple!!! its NOT that hard.

The GAME as you put it ends Im afraid. I've done more than my share. If he thinks I'll be home on Sunday night waiting for him, he can think again....no doubt he'd be late as per usual anyway. Like you said, even exclusivity has not changed a thing and I am done.

He can see what its like to not have somebody there to wipe his boots on anymore....I've never been more serious in my life either.

Thanks guys and gals...Im furious

Oh, Chatz!!

Do not give up hope, now. I know your long, hard fight has probably worn you thin, but you are so close to just toss in the towel...

Let's just face it... Some men are just flippin' ass CLUELESS, period. In every other way, they are great guys, but you just have to wonder what planet they are from cause it certainly isn't Earth. You have stuck it out this long and hard, and yet your aren't even going to give the poor man the benefit of the clueless?!? All things considered, the man just really may not know how to function in a normal, healthy relationship (or have any clue what-so-ever to realize that is what exclusivity should mean), and it is not unsupported given the way your relationship has progressed. The man may just require a little refresher course in relationships.

It is apparent from his actions, that he doesn't think that there is anything wrong with what he did. What is not apparent is why he thinks that... Give yourself the effort you deserve by contacting him, letting him know that you thought what he did was unacceptable, and really finding out the answer you need. If he was just clueless, then he will learn and you two can progress as a couple. If, on the other hand, he actions were an indication of the value he places on you and your relationship (as you seem to have taken it), well then, atleast you have your closure and will have no doubts knowing that you made the right decision when you start walking. But, given how much effort you have put into this, if you walk now, doubt could begin to plague you at some point...

I know and thanks...by the time Sunday comes around I'll be eating my words!!!

Just very angry coz he got my hopes up for a couple of days, and crushed me like a little bug 😛

He has to balance both sides Chatz. Its not easy. He cannot be unfair towards his kids and ex. It will ge easy for him if you are able to understand that single point. Its not that you dont care for you. He do. But he dont want his kids or ex blaming him either.

well you see that's what you guys are here for LOL...for me to vent!!! He is pretty much unaware as to how I feel right now - very disappointed and he probably will never ever know and you are probably all quite right that he doesnt even give it a second thought that what he's done is wrong or right or anything....he's just doing what he thinks is right and in my eyes that means his ex means a hell of a lot more to him than meets the eye, either that or like I said, she's got him by the balls and may use his daughter against him - I dunno. There is though, a time where he has to actually say NO, I can't, I have made other plans, especially when I had the decency to invite him very early on in the week and the other invitation was after this or he would have remembered - and yes, he has a good memory. Its not like he can't...he's done it to me plenty of times - he's always been too busy for this or that.

I guess at the end of the day he is a big boy who has to one day let go of the ex and her demands, and if I haven't been understanding and patient and there for him NOBODY has.....I've been there TOO much for him to use me as a doormat, and I have family responsibilities too but NEVER would even consider doing what he did. Him not being there for one of her kids' b/day dinners isn't going to harm anybody, let's face it, he goes to her house twice during the week and does the shared care thing on the weekend...its not like he doesnt spend time with them all, and for him to say he doesnt intend on staying long— why go at all? pfffttt - yep still pretty revved up here LOL.

After Sunday, if I so choose to actually see him, I am going to let him do the work....as Alcheme said, all the hard work has worn me thin and I really need him to come through too. To be honest, love him to bits but there has got to be fairness to me too and that he isn't showing.

So Im going to go and eat some more chocolate now!!! But hey, there's one good thing out of this.....I don't have to stress about what to cook anymore LOL

Anyway enough venting....I think Im done thanks LOL

Thank God there are still 2 days to go for me to calm down 🙂

Wait, whats going on I am confused. Is this his kids party or another kids party that his kid was invited too/is hosting for. I thought spending time with HIS kid was a completely valid reason for cancelling on Sunday but is this just some random kid or what cuz all the woman on this board seem to be together in being pissed at this guy for doing something "for the children".

What am I missing?

"What am I missing?"

I believe the kid would be an ex-step-kid, not the real child. I don't think that they are getting out of whack for him doing something "for the children", but for cancelling on an event that he had previously accepted an invitation to.

If it is his child, then one would think that he would remember his own child's birthdate and wouldn't have accepted. That being said, I don't think anyone would fault him for that. Step-children are a bit of a grey area, I think. I have had step-fathers that were very much like fathers to me, and they considered me very much like a daughter. I could empathize with the possibility, but I can also empathize with Chatz. She deserves to have consideration and some level of priority in his life. Above that of children / pseudo-children, I dunno. BUT, there were many ways to solve this situation to show that Chatz was not being taken for granted and truly does have a level of priority in his life. Obviously, he did not use one of those ways...

This is a very grey area, and I do not envy her situation... I am not quite sure if anyone is necessarily right or wrong, per se. I do think, though, that her Libra was inconsiderate and uncaring, which can be an big issue in a budding relationship, especially one where thus far it has been Chatz putting forth any and all effort.

But, I do think that Chatz needs to talk to him. Don't get so bent out of shape. Just talk to him, lay it out, see what the deal is. THEN, if something is out of whack, get kung fu on his ass... There are many possibilities in every situation (good, bad, or neutral). Give yourself the chance to find out which it is before jumping to conclusions.

And, if you are at all intending on continuing this relationship, TALK TO HIM about this. Otherwise, it is not a relationship...



I dunno, though. Just my two bits... 🙂

It sounded to me like he had a brain fart and was excited about dinner then realized "oh shit the birthday thingy".

Yeah, if it is an ex step kid that is a real grey area. I have an ex step family myself....and anyone who put me in a position as to where I was feeling like I was being asked to assign priority over different people would by default become the lower priority...no matter what their "feelings" were on the matter....so keep that in mind. Libras are reeeeaaaallllyyyy nice easygoing people but they are viciously loyal to those they care about and don't like...scratch that....refuse assigning priority to people when asked. Keep in mind they will do it on their own and a little gentle suggestion could be well used but outright demands or questioning is going to go horribly wrong.

I also think that he knows how you feel and feels really bad about it, which is probably why he hasn't brough it up yet. Of course, we will hide this perception but none the less, we hate feeling like we dissapointed someone. In fact, I think "dissapointed" is the most hurtful word that can be used on Libras.

Chatz! You can't stop venting because I haven't had a chance to vent with you yet!

Grrrrrrrrrr.

I'm upset at the dude. Doesn't matter if he's Libra or not. Unacceptable in my book. He has a lot of 'splaining to do! (Getting tired of these Libras having relationships THEIR way or NO way!). I'm diving in right now on my way to Ozzie Land with a 2'X4' to know some sense into this guy!

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!

"no matter what their "feelings" were on the matter...."

"refuse assigning priority to people when asked"

That may be true, but that doesn't make it right. She deserves to be able to voice to him that his actions, his continued actions, have made her "feel" like she is of no priority to him. He chose to try to pursue a relationship with her, and with that comes seeing to the emotional needs of the person you are with, having consideration for them, and making them some sort of priority in your life (instead of merely taking them for granted and them being the "back-up" plan). This was the first "real", concrete validation of that budding relationship after a long bout of Chatz putting forth all effort and her Libra putting forth very little. This was his chance to prove his commitment to the choice he made (not some deep commitment to her, but to attempting to have a relationship) and to proving that he is "in" and that things are going to be different. Now, there may be extenuating circumstances which undoubtly should be taken into account, but she does deserve the right that he gave her, which is to know what is going on the right to voice her feelings on what she feels is his lack of commitment to the choice he made (if that is the case after she finds out what is going on).

Granted, for everyone, I am NOT saying a big emotional scene, just an objective, to-the-point conversation... LOL!

Yeah Im sure he'll work it out some day MAYBE....I haven't replied to his text and I can't bring myself to....he can wonder why I've gone quiet but he probably won't. I did send him that text first thing this morning to ask "maybe another time and that I wouldn't be disappointed" yeah right LOL....it would have been easier had he said "ok another time" but to write "I dont intend on staying long with them"— grrrrrrrrr why accept the dinner invitation? why not just hang around for a while and then excuse himself? this just totally sucks!!

Like I said, if we do hook up on Sunday night AFTER he has had his family thingy, it will be the last attempt I make for quite some time. Must say my pride has been dented quite a lot now.

He could have at least said "look, IM really sorry, I know you invited me to dinner and I accepted hastily, I forgot I had another arrangement, yada yada"...but at the end of the day he never even said thanks for the invite, he never said sorry he had to cancel our date, it was just so matter of fact as if I have no feelings whatsoever.....THAT'S pretty much what upsets me - its like I don't matter at all....I understand the loyalty - I am LEO for Godsake!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and yessssssssssssssssss swim over and bring Atom - I think he got a little lost....those mermaids have been misleading him Im sure LOL

OK time to stop grrrrrrrrring so tell me to get over it!!! Nah don't, I just did it to myself....stay tuned for the next chapter - if there is one 😛

lol Atom - come on then swim faster puhleeeeeeeeeze!!!!

bring your LIbra with you and we can smack their heads together, but then again, they'd probably fall in love LMAO!!

DON'T get over it, Chatz! He wasn't even a gentlman. He's gotta be blind not to recognize your loyalty. You have tolerated so much for him (geeesh, with me it was just a few mermaids in my wake). He BETTER come up with something GREAT to make up for it or DISAPPEAR cuz I'm friends with a Gnarwahl that will make mincemeat out of him.

AND

my dear, my dear, be TRUE to your nature. My friend Michelle is a Leo par excellante and she's be STEAMED and let everyone know! And, boy, do the rest of us ENJOY that true loyalty to her self. And my bud, Chris, yep, another Leo. Oh, he'll tell you, "I---WAS---HOT!" And we know what THAT means. Boy do I get a kick out of Chris when he stands by his guns. INTEGRITY, my dear! Leos are STRONG! Even the *mew, mew* kittens. He BLEW it! Personally, I wouldn't think for a minute to OFFEND Feline Clan. They are AWESOME and WONDERFUL and very, very SWEET.

LOL Atom, he WONT do a thing to make up for it - you and I both know that he wouldn't give it a second thought....he's had it good, he's taking advantage of me and now its time for me to actually realize that once and for all and either let him know or walk away for good...Im probably going to choose the latter (unless of course he does something, just something to make up for his contempt - doubt it though). Like I said before, I am just going to disappear for a while and get my head sorted. Ive let my heart do too much thinking and that's always a dangerous thing 😢

Gnarwahl— ok ummmm...yeah ok!! Im scared now I think LOL

Being a Leo and pride, integrity, etc— man, anybody else would have done half of what he's done would have taken the full force of my anger but somehow, just somehow he gets away with it.

Love him to bits but even my patience (which I have learnt over the past 6 months I do have to say), can no longer tolerate being second best or being thrown the scraps.

Maybe it's gnarwhale. Well, it ain't manatee. (They don't have that nice long pointy horn).

'Sounds like you and I will have to make a pact while watching two Libras google-eye each other.

kg, I'll bring the wine. You have a very good soul.

lol....

Leebra, I would love to come over for dinner and Im sure both Atom and I will not change our minds for our exes either *giggles* shall we bring the wine?

Actually when I come to think of it, this is quite funny, hmmmm if it wasn't so annoying....Im sure I'll get an explanation coz Im absolutely sure NOBODY could be so vague or stupid to realise that breaking dinner dates isn't a nice thing to do

Anyway, enough about me and my problems......I think I've vented way too much and made it bigger than it probably is...Im sure there's a perfectly good explanation somewhere, some day LOL

Almost the weekend here - wooohoooo....that makes up for the problems.....you guys are all probably asleep and/or just thinking about hitting the sack.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend to come though 🙂

"kg, I'll bring the wine. You have a very good soul"

ABSOLUTELY 🙂

***I get that he loves those kids but lets face it, they are not little kids anymore....they are 21, 18, 16 and 14, plus his own daughter 7.***

Okay wait a fucking minute!!!! You did not say her kids were freaking adults!!! Damn he is wrong. Sorry -that pissed me off!!!

*** (his ex is either a lot older than him or she had kids way young). She has him by the balls somehow!✨**

This is clearly true and until he releases her hands from his balls you will never have him completely this is an issue that MUST BE ADDRESSED if you plan on having any kind of future with him.

Chatz your a phenomenal woman, I have read your post and I enjoy every second, you have so much to offer...maybe he's too wrapped up into himself to see how wonderful you are but hey you got him to be exclusive so he obviously knows your a great woman but it doesn't mean he's not going to be insensitive or absent minded.

Let him know how it made you feel when he altered plans, see what he says and then decide if you want to put more stock in the relationship, some relationships start off rocky in the beginning and then balance itself out later once the couple gains a deeper understanding of one another.

Whoa whoa whoa can we all calm down here a little bit. I want to point a couple of things out.

We don't know how close he is to these kids. This might be a case where the kids took the divorce hard because he had a close connection to one or more or them. this could be a rare case where the ex is a little crazy and the kids actually polarized towards him. Or, being a Libra where they are all best buds. That is how it went with my dads ex wife and her kids, they are just as much family to me as my own (to the distataste of my own mom). His wife may not have him by the balls, these kids might have him by the hart. She might...very well might but everyone is jumping to conclusions and ripping this guy a new one. He doesn't have a good track record of considerate behavior under his belt but...

Chatz also knew what she was getting into. I am dissapointed to here that this is causing her to consider walking away. Chatz....you knew it would be like this in the beginnin, you knew it was going to be a slow process. And while this cancellation justifiably upset you and that needs to be adressed with him everyone needs to get off this guys back. He probably doesn't get just how important this date was to her. He is likely thinking that since they are together now this is a minor set back that can be picked up after the weekend.

Focus on getting your perspective and finding a common ground idealistcally with this guy so that next time, instead of a cancellation it is a change of plans and you will be celebrating with his family. You see what I am saying?

***The GAME as you put it ends Im afraid. I've done more than my share. If he thinks I'll be home on Sunday night waiting for him, he can think again....no doubt he'd be late as per usual anyway. Like you said, even exclusivity has not changed a thing and I am done.***

Chatz, it is only fair that you let him know how you feel. Otherwise you are only hurting yourself.

Sorry buddy Nic, but hell, these kids are grown, so please, those points should not apply. Grown people understand. Even the teen agers would probably perfer to be out with friends instead of family. So, if they were little kids, yes, I could agree, but even so he should have either joined the celebration early or whatever he had to do around his accepted plans with Chatz....

Chatz, did not know she would be in a situation that a grown man would break his neck and cancel plans with her to go to a party for grown children who would clearly understand if he couldn't stay or be there at a particular time. So, yeah the crazy ex got 'em by the balls however you put it. Sorry.

Queen,

You might be right. All I am saying is that you don't know until you know. I'm trying to keep that in the back of peoples heads here. Everything is assumption at this point, you are probably right, but if you act on it without knowing for sure you have a big risk of looking like an idiot and having had put yourself through hell over it.

Oh sweetie. Don't sweat it. Roll with it.

(I actually think he is doing the right thing by going to step-kiddie's birthday party. He should however make it up to you.) .... stop throwing things at me! 😢

Family is family. Even step-family is family. Depending on the family, lots of hard feelings can be caused by not going.

Plus, his daughter is seven. They need to act as a family and keep the family bonds for her sake.

Makes sense to me.

To me, it is a sign of someone with great character and values.

I know you are disappointed sweetie but see it in the big picture.

lol@little sparrow

I think he's being a big ole flake but he's been like that since you have know him hehe

I personally wouldn't dump him over it but you definitely need to re-evaluate his behavior, if he's always been this way since you have known him, which I think you mentioned he has, then why are you placing YOUR ideas and expectations on him that he's suddenly supposed to change because he's your man but now your disappointed b/c he's continuing to be himself and you expected that he would be different.

really think back to previous issues, how many times has his behavior got up under your skin and you simply rolled with the punches because you wanted to be in his life.

If you decide to keep him around just know that this will probably be one of his annoying habits no matter if the kiddies are involved or not. I'm sure you can think of moments when he was a big flake or absent minded without his kids being involved.

Accept him for who he is or save yourself the headache and leave him alone.

I am with Nic on this.

Maybe I should consider dating a libra. They just make sense to me. I wonder how many men I am pissing off with my do the right thing thing.

***Everything is assumption at this point, you are probably right, but if you act on it without knowing for sure you have a big risk of looking like an idiot and having had put yourself through hell over it.***


Exactly my point. She should let him know how she feels then he will let her know his point of view and there will be no confusion then.

Just my two cents - I agree with LS & Nic. Ive actually done this to a date, where it was planned a week in advance, several days before the dinner date my family made plans and getting everyones schedule might have been the culprit, so I had to cancel on the dinner date. My date was more than understanding as it was for a family member.

It's not like he cancelled the day of the dinner and he did offer to come over after. Im not even a Libra. If he does it again it would be a concern. Just my two cents.

***(I actually think he is doing the right thing by going to step-kiddie's birthday party. He should however make it up to you.) .... stop throwing things at me! ***

Throwing a boot at LS!!!!

Dammit Man LS!!! These are grow kids, has nothing to do with him participating in B-day activities. He could have done both. They would have understood. Geeeze. I'm done... You guys are wearing me out.

Love you LS. Throwing another boot!!! 🙂

***(I actually think he is doing the right thing by going to step-kiddie's birthday party. He should however make it up to you.) .... stop throwing things at me! ***


Kids?! Oh my bad, I haven't read anything about "kids".

(throwing 4 sneakers and 3 pumps at LS)

"Maybe I should consider dating a libra. They just make sense to me. I wonder how many men I am pissing off with my do the right thing thing."

I don't think that it is just a Libra thing, because I agree with you on some level. I have a step-sister that is not a step-sister, but my sister. My mother was her step-mother, and though we did not see her as often as we liked, she still considers me her sister and my mother one of her mothers (not a step-mother), even after the divorce. We have spent most birthdays with her, most holidays, and every crucial event in her life. We were all at her graduations, and when she graduates from medical school, we will be there too. When she went to England to study for a semester (after the divorce), my mother took a trip oer there to tour France with her. AND, if my mother wasn't at one of my little sister's birthdays, I know without a doubt it would hurt her greatly.

What I am trying to get across is that parents may choose to divorce because they are incompatible or just because one is an SOB, but kids are not property that can be divided amongst them in a divorce. When people who are already parents get married, they do not merely marry those people but the family. And, while the parent may choose to divorce, the children may not choose to (though, they may).

Nobody knows for certain what the bond between the kids / adults and Chatz's Libra is... To him, there may be no distinction between his own child and his step-children. To him, he may feel they are all his children, especially considering that being a step-father placed him in a good position to help raise them (considering that most mothers have custody of there children).

This is why you need to talk to him, then make your decision as to how you feel on the issue. It could be this, or that, or any number of issues....or, it could be what you are thinking. But, you will never know for sure until you discuss it with him. You deserve to know the really reason, and, if you are really wanting a relationship with this man, then he deserves to be able to tell you the reason.

That being said, I do think that it could have been handled a lot better. One, he could have given you a real explanation. Two, realizing that he is in a new budding relationship, he could have tried to find a better solution (as some suggested, to go there earlier and spend the early part of the day with them or perhaps another idea). Three, he could have apologized. He should have apologized... He needs to realize that being in a relationship means that you need to take the other person's feelings into consideration, too, not just his own. But, he will never have the opportunity to realize this unless you discuss it with him...

ls, CHARACTER works both ways. You / he may think it's justified to prioritize his family and bail on Chatz BUT his CHARACTER could have also been magnanimous in being SWEET to Chatz and REALLY let her know the details. HOPEFULLY at least one of his scales is out of whack. Ha!

Didn't he claim that he forgot about this bday party? If these kids (adults) were so close and dear to him, then he would have known about the party well in advance and might have suggested a different date with Chatz, ie Sunday night instead of Saturday.

But by him offering to come over late after the bday party is in my opinion using Chatz. By Chatz accepting him coming over late opens the door for him to do this for as long as Chatz allows him to.

She needs to address it now and not when he's done this 3 more times.

**t's not like he cancelled the day of the dinner and he did offer to come over after. Im not even a Libra. If he does it again it would be a concern. Just my two cents.***

Okay guys... Grown kids... benice, I do remember your libra not being so nice to you. Maybe because you are too nice. LOL!!! J/K... But, seriously guys/people only do to you what you allow them. Simple.

"But, seriously guys/people only do to you what you allow them. Simple."

Amen...exactly what i just said.

HP, we are definitely on the same page. Okay Chatz, your call. Nip it in the bud and let him know it bothers you or just be pissed as it continues to happen over and over and over and over and....

"Didn't he claim that he forgot about this bday party? If these kids (adults) were so close and dear to him, then he would have known about the party well in advance and might have suggested a different date with Chatz, ie Sunday night instead of Saturday."

I know that in my family dates are decided a few weeks in advance. When the weekend eventually rolls around and my mother tells me what time to show up, I am generally like "Uhhhh, that's this weekend already?!?!?"... It is not that it wasn't that important to me. Some people are just a little clueless...

But, I do think that the idea about suggesting maybe Saturday instead would have been a great idea (that and an apology).

"She needs to address it now and not when he's done this 3 more times."

I absolutely agree.

"Okay guys... Grown kids... "

My little sister is a grown kid. She is 24.


And, in medical school! And, a scorp! She rocks!!!! Sorry, love her to death....

I heart Gray's Anatomy....anyone watch that show?