@Gemitati
11 Years25,000+ Posts
Best Post of the Day (Page 13)
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Posted by tcta
Many years ago I went out with this guy and a few days later my best friend asked if I was going to see him again. I told her that no, he was not my knight in shining armor. She then said, can I have him. I said sure, why not ? Here's his number. They are still married.click to expand
No...—...I've missed that! LMAO!!!
By Orgasme:
...When I clap my thighs together it sounds like two overweight people fucking.
Your engagement is a joke. Donate the ring to the circus. This man is an ass-clown man/boy. You will be engaged for a long time if you continue to fool yourself into thinking that this man will ever marry you. Don't let any production company do a movie about you calling it the Ten year engagement.
He turned the hospital room into a bad reality show....
Posted by LordComplexity
Whoever invented the metric system was clinically retarded.
Posted by LordComplexity
Whoever invented the metric system was clinically retarded.click to expand
Aquas, again....(look up John Wilkins).....
Posted by CrabNextDoor
I literally told him at one point that'd I'd give him money if it would help him respond faster so I did and he never texted me back after he came and got it.
I know the vagina can be confusing but its not just a magical unicorn sleeve stroking the ego's of all who enter.
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*like*
Posted by NINETYNINE
And this is why no one can take you seriously, no one cares about your pencil dick, and your fat layers.The average #2 pencil is 0.6 centimeters in circumference. The average length is 7' 1/2".
My dick is 5.4 inches in circumference, or in other words, 13.7 centimeters. Which is 22.8 times 0.6 centimeters. It's length is 7' exact.
Translation: My dick is at least 22 pencils combined. So hold together 22 pencils and you'll have my actual dick size minus half an inch in length, kthnx.
LMAO....can FknNerd check the math on that though...
I'm pretty sure it's not. I'm trying to find 22 pencils in the office to band together for reference.
never stop being petty...
Okay.. So first of all, a number 2 pencil does NOT have a circumference of 0.6 centimeters. It does however have a diameter of 0.6cm. It's circumference would be roughly 2.2 cm (roughly because of the hexagonal shape).
Since I could not find any number 2 pencils in the office, I grabbed my 24 pack of Crayola crayons..
Standard crayons are slightly larger than number 2 pencils with a diameter of 0.8 cm.
Banding 22 crayons together gives you a 4 cm diameter.
*does math*
A 4 cm diameter gives us a 12.57 cm circumference or 4.9 inches. And since we used a slightly larger in diameter crayon (0.8cm) instead of a number 2 pencil (0.6cm).. I think it's safe to round that 4.9 inches down to around 4.5.. which ironically enough, makes for a pencil dick.
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And where THAT can be inserted?
Posted by lionspark
the one about being a horrible person in their past life and now karma is paying off. it was amusing and a little funny to read
but on dxp every other post is about karma. which one do you mean?
Posted by MagicMona
first of all i say myself as number one. i have no filter and give no fucks about any of your damn feelings at the end of the day. but i have balls to stand by my words. i dont hide nor pretend with any of you bitches.now, the following motherfuckers i cant stand:
fire - coward hypocrite ass bitch who likes to butt in and make threats but can't back them up for shit. yeah bitch, i see you. when your sack drops let me know. my offer still stands to come knock your ass out.
DJ - racist, self centered lowkey fag that fabricates everything. posed for a few sears catalogs and thinks he's all that. really a sad little cancer, trying to fight back at all the wrong people done him over the years. you all worship him but he'll never be anything more than a wanna be alpha bitch. my left pussy lip is more alpha than that try hard.
firebunny - complete waste of fucking life. attention seeker to painful degrees. someone should just put him out of his misery already.
clay541 - wouldnt have known this bitch at all, but he/ she/ shim moo cowed its way into my thread trying to silence me. petty as hell and even more petty of an instigator.
81gems is a band wagon riding ass whore. insignificant little shit who like to talk shit just for attention. likes to chime in when said idiot needs to be playing in fuckin traffic some damn where.
nanobytes - you seem like a snooty ass bitch. i hate snooty bitches. typical fucking gem, always bashing scorpios. bitch are you mad? you and stihl would do fine together.
stihl - the ULTIMATE bitch ass user. crybaby ass, scorpio hurt me sour grapes having stupid motherfucker.
lala aka eiffel tower - another big mouth heffer. doesnt understand the topic good enough before she just starts trying to add her two cents. stfu sometimes, broad.
einpisces - if the bitch was in front of me now i swear i would gut her like the slimy dirty swamp fish she is. dumb bitch.
falange - you're a little smart mouth piece of garbage and i don't like you. duh me again bitch and i will cut your lips off.
chance_12 became a bitch in my eyes because that motherfucker acts like no one can have their own opinions. likes to talk like he or she knows better than you do. yes i believe in God, bitch. want me to send you to him so you can finally believe too? fucking criticizing ass bitch.
speaking of criticizing bitches, throw damnata on this damn list too. that heffer acts so snooty, like she knows it all. the bitch needs a serious lesson in humility. dracula born pale face hairy ass crypt keeper looking bitch. where's your reflection, bitch?
arielle - talks so much shit but would get her life curb stomped out of her body if i ever met her. the bitch reminds me of one of those ditzy ass bitches who thinks she can get away with treating anybody any kind of way. i didnt forget her rude ass comments when i first came here. for no reason she came at me when i didnt address her from go.
housecleaning - a whole bitch and a half. racist coward who is more than likely gonna die lonely. hoe ass nigga.
enfant terrible - a passive aggressive ass coward bitch. a man says what he feels, not dances around like a woman. check your maxi pads, bitch.
Lillypetal - stank hippie ass is annoying as fuck. fucking overly sensitive bleeding heart bum. go shower, do your hair, get a job, and grow the fuck up. you act like the world revolves around what you feel and like. IT DOESN'T, BITCH.
Effervescent - goofy ass try hard attention whore. all that mind wasted on dumb ass topics designed to make the rest of you dumb motherfuckers talk to his lonely ass.
Whorpio - bitch catch aids and die.
Gemitati - the most retarded user to ever exist in dxpland. the BIGGEST.
Soul - stop being such a whiny bitch. do it and get it over with or shut the fuck up.
Enoch - with your long winded ass comments that nobody fucking reads. and you're a smug ass bastard. wouldn't mind running you down with my car. arrogant know it all bitch.
ands - YOU'RE NOT FUNNY BITCH. stop seeking attention. looking like you're one surgery away from pulling a bruce jenner. MAN UP, HOE!
I'm going to print this out so i can——all day tomorrow
Wow. Yes girl
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Hold on, I gotta quote this in case you rage-delete or something. Someone should voice-act this and put it up on the next DXP Daily Facts.
I expected her to go off at me too for calling her a man-bashing hypocrite but it looks like she was too busy to notice.
Posted by Ssuperman
Taking an ex back is like trying to shove shit back into your ass. No thanks
Posted by EvilHare
Because everyone deserves to know how much of a worthless bag of shit he is:Posted by hydorah
lol, I'm just going to post that because I'm petty afclick to expand
like we didn't know that already........ to be christened "P-angel's son" is no small feat. He's a passive-aggressive snake with a prominent green streak. Being jealous of two people in love, how lower can you get? And driving himself even crazier with jealousy by not hitting that block button.
Talk about sadomasochism.
Posted by LePetitFisk
You can totally practice on me, bro. We'll do a little scenario.Like, let's pretend I just signed up on DXP and hold high expectations of this place. I came here because of my relationship problems. My boyfriend and I are in limbo. He's pulling sketchy shit, like getting a fresh haircut with a razor part, wearing jorts, and suddenly putting a security code on his phone. I love him but I have a feeling he's picking up Tinder bishes behind my back and eating their butts. I have no evidence, tho. It's all a hunch. I'm so confused... vunerable... distressed... and grieved. Help me, Kraptwerk. I need you.
What would you say to me in PMs?
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Please move to NJ and start a slow, snarky courtship with @lepetitfisk
Posted by LePetitFisk
You can totally practice on me, bro. We'll do a little scenario.Like, let's pretend I just signed up on DXP and hold high expectations of this place. I came here because of my relationship problems. My boyfriend and I are in limbo. He's pulling sketchy shit, like getting a fresh haircut with a razor part, wearing jorts, and suddenly putting a security code on his phone. I love him but I have a feeling he's picking up Tinder bishes behind my back and eating their butts. I have no evidence, tho. It's all a hunch. I'm so confused... vunerable... distressed... and grieved. Help me, Kraptwerk. I need you.
What would you say to me in PMs?
Please move to NJ and start a slow, snarky courtship with @lepetitfisk
She couldn't handle me
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Nah. It's be something else .
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Roman is a Bully. She's a fuking animal.if anyone is a bully its you. I have never disrespected you or came for you. It seems any time i have commented on a few past threads you have posted responded being disrespectful. It left me very confused. And still even after you disrespect i just walk away. ia m sure you will respond as you normally do .. Doesnt matter either way.
I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO THIS INDIVIDUAL BEFORE. ROMANS SECOND HANDLE
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—
Posted by EvilHare
First it's a rimjob.Then it's a prostate massage.
Before you know it you're smuggling 2 liter bottles full of pure opium past Kabul airport security in your rectum.
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Roman is a Bully. She's a fuking animal.if anyone is a bully its you. I have never disrespected you or came for you. It seems any time i have commented on a few past threads you have posted responded being disrespectful. It left me very confused. And still even after you disrespect i just walk away. ia m sure you will respond as you normally do .. Doesnt matter either way.
I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO THIS INDIVIDUAL BEFORE. ROMANS SECOND HANDLE
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lol busted
Everyone is fucked up for each other
No one is oerfrct
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I think she had a stroke recently
I think Tiz would make a perfect killer bc no one would suspect him, he's got no motive. No beefs.
When asked why he killed all those DXP'ers he simply replied
As the investigators knock on his door to arrest him he didn't even try to deny anything, he just said "Fair enough".
I can't believe I missed that 30 minutes water beef thread
Posted by Ssuperman
Taking an ex back is like trying to shove shit back into your ass. No thanksclick to expand
For some reason I thought you blocked me. ?
Posted by tiziani
Looking to buy a gigolo with your DXP points?
Posted by tiziani
Looking to buy a gigolo with your DXP points?
This is the ad featured under his post. Haha
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savage lol
Posted by TheTinMan
Instagram really ain't nothing but a bunch of feet and nothing but a bunch of men commenting on them being a bunch of freaks wanting to suck em. I don't think this is a good site to connect with anybody like that too much. At least I'm not here to connect with nobody.
"when you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail"
Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX
Who gave you internet?
Posted by AWomanWhomTerramineWishesToKnockUp
Now that's your balance. Good.Um. I basically said I got you preggo lmao. How is that not still kinda insulting/degrading?
Because I don't want to do what you expect me to do. How's that for a change?
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saving this for later. This will require further analysis
Posted by AWomanWhomTerramineWishesToKnockUp
Now that's your balance. Good.Um. I basically said I got you preggo lmao. How is that not still kinda insulting/degrading?
Because I don't want to do what you expect me to do. How's that for a change?
saving this for later. This will require further analysis
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Like urine sample?
Posted by AWomanWhomTerramineWishesToKnockUp
Now that's your balance. Good.Um. I basically said I got you preggo lmao. How is that not still kinda insulting/degrading?
Because I don't want to do what you expect me to do. How's that for a change?
saving this for later. This will require further analysis
Like urine sample?
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we can use your mouth for that
Posted by Terramine
Most men do not have the Godlike influence to bend an entire forum to focus on them and give even 2 fucks about taking the time to rag on them about their dick. I'm an Alpha, so I influence the entire population like that.
😂😂😂😂
That’s what cope is for. Instead of passing judgement and arguing semantics we teach people how to cope emotionally. Join the cope movement. Ours is a noble cause
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Define 'noble'
That’s what cope is for. Instead of passing judgement and arguing semantics we teach people how to cope emotionally. Join the cope movement. Ours is a noble cause
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this is so Venusian. I'm afraid some Martian and MercSatUranian folks won't let it happen.
Posted by LibWman
Me and P-Angel.Omg. Hahaha P-Angel hahaha where is P-Angela now?? Omg omg omg haha
She night be dead srs
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no you need love industrial front-loaders
well the joke sounds better in my language, I take the L
Posted by arietteheart2
He tooted and booted. You must have lousy kitty. Try kegels.LMAO!
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😂😂😂
what a charmer
Oh dear
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What? I didn't understand shit!?
Oh dear
What? I didn't understand shit!?
Me neither 😝
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Sanity check! Thanks for your support! Lmao
I don't know if you know who I am
Fuck that! I know a worker follower bee when I see one ☝️ 🐝 🍯
I did it first!
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
I have no idea what you're talking about still. If you're still trying to vaguely bring up something about the front page and something I took down....you'll have to explain it because I don't think that happened. 😕
So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies
Lol 😂 what? Where have I been and what's a lie?
Are you alright?
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
I have no idea what you're talking about still. If you're still trying to vaguely bring up something about the front page and something I took down....you'll have to explain it because I don't think that happened. 😕
So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies
And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
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sorry for pimping my own post but I feel ands is going to close the thread soon
Hurt and disappointment is normal. We all experience that multiple times. Just make sure that you fail better each time.
@chuckcem is marriage material
the fuking guy even was telling someone how to fuking paint bubbles
do you think he's a serial killer?
chuckcem's bubble painting tutorial was epic. I never saw that much empirical knowledge about painting bubbles over fan art of your favorite characters in the shower
Posted by TheTinMan
Are you looking for a date on this site? If so give rom a holla via pm. She's single, available and looking for a good attractive man. It would be a plus. She can give you all the lovin you need plus a full time supplie of cottenelle.
Posted by enfant_terrible
I used to be so touchy and sensitive. Then I joined DXP and after 7 years of abuse I've grown into a fine man.click to expand
My nipples used to be so touchy and sensitive, but I joined DXP and I've lost all feeling
Posted by AquaNextDoor
Aqua sunLeo asc
Cap moon, venus, merc
Sag mars
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You've promised...she will NOT!