The Journey

Do you believe in it? The path where the people you meet help you along the way.. lessons, the teachers in the form of friends, acquaintances, lovers, relationships. The lesson you never learn so therefore it never goes away. Or perhaps in the form of a person?

I’ve decided to deal with one of mine. I suppose that’s what this year has been about. Relieving the pressure, the fears. Apparently I can’t move on, until I’ve learned it. The last two years even. On the path to healthy, one must deal with those things that hold you back.

What are yours?

Too many to mention and I'm not a fan of long, rambling posts but just to say my major lesson was learning to rely on myself and not others and not to look for fulfillment outside of myself. Took me forever to learn....lots of deaths, break ups, people leaving my life, having to move out of homes that I'd become overly attached to and the biggest one of all, letting our son go to move over 200 miles away...that was very painful

The people who taught me were family, lovers, husband, therapists, friends and the one who showed me the way to do a massive letting go is a Scorpio Sun and Venus...like me

Well what do you know? ❤️

I’ve had many I guess.

Saving people.. it started with my parents divorce. I was 8. I tried to patch up them cuz it was easier than dealing with my emotions at losing my dad. I can’t remember anything before the divorce. I think it’s too hard to remember him when he was softer. Based on therapy... and what I now about his change. 😢

I learned the lesson about what happens when you try to save people though in my second marriage. You can get destroyed. When you choose another over yourself. It’s been a long road since then.. so many people i learned from. Therapists, friends, lovers, acquaintances along the way. Even my kids. I learned to be me, to stand up, to not let others control me, or tell me they think they know what’s best for me cuz it’s hard to watch my process. I am learning to embrace my emotions & try to control them? Lol either it’s too little or too much.. and then you meet a person with similar struggles and who you trigger each other. I guess the thing is you hurt yourself in the end. It’s not them doing it. Sometimes you have to be open to learn to deal with it. To put yourself in the fire.. so to speak. To be afraid is the worst thing. It holds you back. You must risk, to get the reward. And if being alone is the answer then it is. Or perhaps it’s dealing with your demons especially when your frustrated. So thT you figure out the how.

Perhaps the road is a lifelong journey. That’s okay too. I am so much healthier & happier so it’s all good.

Posted by blvckphvse

Learning to trust is a the biggest one for me.. I'm no where near improving on that one yet.

Another is to put myself first. I'm always putting myself on the back burner to be there for others, but never have anyone there for me. I am now learning to focus on myself, put myself and my own well being first and foremost.

I feel ya. Learning to ask for help and not being completely independent without becoming dependent. Learning I’m important too & my choices are mine, whether I fail or not. Trust is huge. But really it’s the continually choosing to go back to each other as one therapist put it.. even in long term marriages. To try to work it out. To not give up. To not let go. It’s either a lesson or you are still working through something. For yourself or together. To trust yourself. The balance of it all.. so many things.

Some lessons:

Forgiving myself and others is the best way to keep my sanity and happiness.

Things could carry on in the same way for years, and then change completely in the blink of an eye.

I could do (and also enjoy) many things I fear...there is always a time for stepping out of the comfort zone.

I still need to grow up before growing old.

Posted by blvckphvse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by blvckphvse

Learning to trust is a the biggest one for me.. I'm no where near improving on that one yet.

Another is to put myself first. I'm always putting myself on the back burner to be there for others, but never have anyone there for me. I am now learning to focus on myself, put myself and my own well being first and foremost.

I feel ya. Learning to ask for help and not being completely independent without becoming dependent. Learning I’m important too & my choices are mine, whether I fail or not. Trust is huge. But really it’s the continually choosing to go back to each other as one therapist put it.. even in long term marriages. To try to work it out. To not give up. To not let go. It’s either a lesson or you are still working through something. For yourself or together. To trust yourself. The balance of it all.. so many things.

You are soo right, and there is so much depth to it. So many layers. Finding the balance is not an easy thing to do.

click to expand

Yes ma’am. So many layers & sometimes feels like you are repeating them, but really it’s a new depth. I’m a little over the things you should & should not do. Lol. It’s okay to allow yourself to learn at your own pace. 🙂

Posted by Undine

Some lessons:

Forgiving myself and others is the best way to keep my sanity and happiness.

Things could carry on in the same way for years, and then change completely in the blink of an eye.

I could do (and also enjoy) many things I fear...there is always a time for stepping out of the comfort zone.

I still need to grow up before growing old.

Ahh growing old seems to help you with the growing up part. Well not everyone! But a lot of people. I think that may be why dating is such a challenge at this age. Everyone is working on their shit 🙃 Or giving up?

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by Undine

Some lessons:

Forgiving myself and others is the best way to keep my sanity and happiness.

Things could carry on in the same way for years, and then change completely in the blink of an eye.

I could do (and also enjoy) many things I fear...there is always a time for stepping out of the comfort zone.

I still need to grow up before growing old.

Ahh growing old seems to help you with the growing up part. Well not everyone! But a lot of people. I think that may be why dating is such a challenge at this age. Everyone is working on their shit 🙃 Or giving up?

click to expand

You mean they are working on improving themselves? I noticed that some men I know became obsessed with fitness in their 50es. As for anything else...they are pretty set in their ways.

Posted by Undine

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by Undine

Some lessons:

Forgiving myself and others is the best way to keep my sanity and happiness.

Things could carry on in the same way for years, and then change completely in the blink of an eye.

I could do (and also enjoy) many things I fear...there is always a time for stepping out of the comfort zone.

I still need to grow up before growing old.

Ahh growing old seems to help you with the growing up part. Well not everyone! But a lot of people. I think that may be why dating is such a challenge at this age. Everyone is working on their shit 🙃 Or giving up?

You mean they are working on improving themselves? I noticed that some men I know became obsessed with fitness in their 50es. As for anything else...they are pretty set in their ways.

click to expand

It depends on how much life smacks them in the face. And they can’t deny they have a part. A lot are wanting healthy actually but don’t know how to get there. Fitness in 50’s yes cuz if you don’t you’re in pain!

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Do you believe in it? The path where the people you meet help you along the way.. lessons, the teachers in the form of friends, acquaintances, lovers, relationships. The lesson you never learn so therefore it never goes away. Or perhaps in the form of a person?

I’ve decided to deal with one of mine. I suppose that’s what this year has been about. Relieving the pressure, the fears. Apparently I can’t move on, until I’ve learned it. The last two years even. On the path to healthy, one must deal with those things that hold you back.

What are yours?

Exactly what I've been trying to say in your previous post about letting go.

Personal experience: it's true.

Of course this is dxp and it's hard to give out all the details. Nobody knows here how many men I have dated. How many times my heart got broken as well. Sometimes I dump them sometimes I get dumped lol but it was always for the same reason: they were non committal. And I always get the same type and I didn't know why.

I took a break because after several ones who were the same, I needed to think and understand what i was doing wrong. I've let go of them.i haven't let go of my ways. They weren't the problem. It was me all along. Because I have an idea in my head of what things are supposed to be. But it wasn't right for me at all. My break from relationships made me realise that. I changed the kind of guys I dated. I had a list of the important things like family orientated, no vices, has a tight relationship with his mum etc. The things I only used to find out once I was already into the guy. This time around I made sure I know the guy and he ticks the important boxes before I am into him. Lo and behold.. I found my husband. We are married for years now. With kids. And he not once made me feel the same feelings I felt before which was self doubt, pain, agony....

So yes. I agree that you have to learn your lesson for you to find your real path. It might surprise you.

click to expand

I’ve been on a path for probably a decade. I had a lot to unravel. My ex didn’t actually make me feel those ways.. but I took on his demons as my own and it was about me ultimately. So I had to find my way. All these guys I’ve dated were about trying to find something different, that’s why the exploring. But it’s not that simple.

I’ve realized I have to deal with what I’ve been running from. I am unable to move on. Not from him, but from the Cap. From what I’m scared of because of my former life with Aries & what happened to me. Boy the Cap & i sure brought it out in each other.. both Cap dominant. So similar, but yet so different. I guess I will stop blaming it all on him.

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Do you believe in it? The path where the people you meet help you along the way.. lessons, the teachers in the form of friends, acquaintances, lovers, relationships. The lesson you never learn so therefore it never goes away. Or perhaps in the form of a person?

I’ve decided to deal with one of mine. I suppose that’s what this year has been about. Relieving the pressure, the fears. Apparently I can’t move on, until I’ve learned it. The last two years even. On the path to healthy, one must deal with those things that hold you back.

What are yours?

Exactly what I've been trying to say in your previous post about letting go.

Personal experience: it's true.

Of course this is dxp and it's hard to give out all the details. Nobody knows here how many men I have dated. How many times my heart got broken as well. Sometimes I dump them sometimes I get dumped lol but it was always for the same reason: they were non committal. And I always get the same type and I didn't know why.

I took a break because after several ones who were the same, I needed to think and understand what i was doing wrong. I've let go of them.i haven't let go of my ways. They weren't the problem. It was me all along. Because I have an idea in my head of what things are supposed to be. But it wasn't right for me at all. My break from relationships made me realise that. I changed the kind of guys I dated. I had a list of the important things like family orientated, no vices, has a tight relationship with his mum etc. The things I only used to find out once I was already into the guy. This time around I made sure I know the guy and he ticks the important boxes before I am into him. Lo and behold.. I found my husband. We are married for years now. With kids. And he not once made me feel the same feelings I felt before which was self doubt, pain, agony....

So yes. I agree that you have to learn your lesson for you to find your real path. It might surprise you.

click to expand

Oh & I got what you said,but then my experience is different too. Obviously I have abandonment issues.. I’ve just been going through a lot off stuff since May. Which is good actually lol

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Do you believe in it? The path where the people you meet help you along the way.. lessons, the teachers in the form of friends, acquaintances, lovers, relationships. The lesson you never learn so therefore it never goes away. Or perhaps in the form of a person?

I’ve decided to deal with one of mine. I suppose that’s what this year has been about. Relieving the pressure, the fears. Apparently I can’t move on, until I’ve learned it. The last two years even. On the path to healthy, one must deal with those things that hold you back.

What are yours?

Exactly what I've been trying to say in your previous post about letting go.

Personal experience: it's true.

Of course this is dxp and it's hard to give out all the details. Nobody knows here how many men I have dated. How many times my heart got broken as well. Sometimes I dump them sometimes I get dumped lol but it was always for the same reason: they were non committal. And I always get the same type and I didn't know why.

I took a break because after several ones who were the same, I needed to think and understand what i was doing wrong. I've let go of them.i haven't let go of my ways. They weren't the problem. It was me all along. Because I have an idea in my head of what things are supposed to be. But it wasn't right for me at all. My break from relationships made me realise that. I changed the kind of guys I dated. I had a list of the important things like family orientated, no vices, has a tight relationship with his mum etc. The things I only used to find out once I was already into the guy. This time around I made sure I know the guy and he ticks the important boxes before I am into him. Lo and behold.. I found my husband. We are married for years now. With kids. And he not once made me feel the same feelings I felt before which was self doubt, pain, agony....

So yes. I agree that you have to learn your lesson for you to find your real path. It might surprise you.

Oh & I got what you said,but then my experience is different too. Obviously I have abandonment issues.. I’ve just been going through a lot off stuff since May. Which is good actually lol

Haha yeah. Why did u and the cap end it?

click to expand

He kept running away. We scare the crap out of each other... both cap Venus and both are all prove you love me to each other. He promises big things and that freaks me out, and then he freaks out. I don’t think either of us was ready when we started dating. There has been growth in the back & forth this year. Because our communication style sucks. We are both cap mercury too.. plus Virgo moon vs aqua moon .. we both shut down. There is A very odd comfort & grounding feeling being with him, a lot of intimacy ( not sex but sex is great too) , chemistry and partnership and deep connection. Holy cow.. we are talking again. And talking about why it’s so hard. I guess that’s progress instead of him declaring his love and knowing we will be together one day but not dealing with the present... it feels as though this is important to deal with. Maybe it’s these issues why I can’t move on & neither can he. Idk. We have both been so afraid of repeating our pasts... so we protect ourselves from each other? He is the only one I’ve been in love with since my ex & have been serious about.

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Do you believe in it? The path where the people you meet help you along the way.. lessons, the teachers in the form of friends, acquaintances, lovers, relationships. The lesson you never learn so therefore it never goes away. Or perhaps in the form of a person?

I’ve decided to deal with one of mine. I suppose that’s what this year has been about. Relieving the pressure, the fears. Apparently I can’t move on, until I’ve learned it. The last two years even. On the path to healthy, one must deal with those things that hold you back.

What are yours?

Exactly what I've been trying to say in your previous post about letting go.

Personal experience: it's true.

Of course this is dxp and it's hard to give out all the details. Nobody knows here how many men I have dated. How many times my heart got broken as well. Sometimes I dump them sometimes I get dumped lol but it was always for the same reason: they were non committal. And I always get the same type and I didn't know why.

I took a break because after several ones who were the same, I needed to think and understand what i was doing wrong. I've let go of them.i haven't let go of my ways. They weren't the problem. It was me all along. Because I have an idea in my head of what things are supposed to be. But it wasn't right for me at all. My break from relationships made me realise that. I changed the kind of guys I dated. I had a list of the important things like family orientated, no vices, has a tight relationship with his mum etc. The things I only used to find out once I was already into the guy. This time around I made sure I know the guy and he ticks the important boxes before I am into him. Lo and behold.. I found my husband. We are married for years now. With kids. And he not once made me feel the same feelings I felt before which was self doubt, pain, agony....

So yes. I agree that you have to learn your lesson for you to find your real path. It might surprise you.

Oh & I got what you said,but then my experience is different too. Obviously I have abandonment issues.. I’ve just been going through a lot off stuff since May. Which is good actually lol

Haha yeah. Why did u and the cap end it?

He kept running away. We scare the crap out of each other... both cap Venus and both are all prove you love me to each other. He promises big things and that freaks me out, and then he freaks out. I don’t think either of us was ready when we started dating. There has been growth in the back & forth this year. Because our communication style sucks. We are both cap mercury too.. plus Virgo moon vs aqua moon .. we both shut down. There is A very odd comfort & grounding feeling being with him, a lot of intimacy ( not sex but sex is great too) , chemistry and partnership and deep connection. Holy cow.. we are talking again. And talking about why it’s so hard. I guess that’s progress instead of him declaring his love and knowing we will be together one day but not dealing with the present... it feels as though this is important to deal with. Maybe it’s these issues why I can’t move on & neither can he. Idk. We have both been so afraid of repeating our pasts... so we protect ourselves from each other? He is the only one I’ve been in love with since my ex & have been serious about.

Is he single or with someone else?

click to expand

Single

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Do you believe in it? The path where the people you meet help you along the way.. lessons, the teachers in the form of friends, acquaintances, lovers, relationships. The lesson you never learn so therefore it never goes away. Or perhaps in the form of a person?

I’ve decided to deal with one of mine. I suppose that’s what this year has been about. Relieving the pressure, the fears. Apparently I can’t move on, until I’ve learned it. The last two years even. On the path to healthy, one must deal with those things that hold you back.

What are yours?

Exactly what I've been trying to say in your previous post about letting go.

Personal experience: it's true.

Of course this is dxp and it's hard to give out all the details. Nobody knows here how many men I have dated. How many times my heart got broken as well. Sometimes I dump them sometimes I get dumped lol but it was always for the same reason: they were non committal. And I always get the same type and I didn't know why.

I took a break because after several ones who were the same, I needed to think and understand what i was doing wrong. I've let go of them.i haven't let go of my ways. They weren't the problem. It was me all along. Because I have an idea in my head of what things are supposed to be. But it wasn't right for me at all. My break from relationships made me realise that. I changed the kind of guys I dated. I had a list of the important things like family orientated, no vices, has a tight relationship with his mum etc. The things I only used to find out once I was already into the guy. This time around I made sure I know the guy and he ticks the important boxes before I am into him. Lo and behold.. I found my husband. We are married for years now. With kids. And he not once made me feel the same feelings I felt before which was self doubt, pain, agony....

So yes. I agree that you have to learn your lesson for you to find your real path. It might surprise you.

Oh & I got what you said,but then my experience is different too. Obviously I have abandonment issues.. I’ve just been going through a lot off stuff since May. Which is good actually lol

Haha yeah. Why did u and the cap end it?

He kept running away. We scare the crap out of each other... both cap Venus and both are all prove you love me to each other. He promises big things and that freaks me out, and then he freaks out. I don’t think either of us was ready when we started dating. There has been growth in the back & forth this year. Because our communication style sucks. We are both cap mercury too.. plus Virgo moon vs aqua moon .. we both shut down. There is A very odd comfort & grounding feeling being with him, a lot of intimacy ( not sex but sex is great too) , chemistry and partnership and deep connection. Holy cow.. we are talking again. And talking about why it’s so hard. I guess that’s progress instead of him declaring his love and knowing we will be together one day but not dealing with the present... it feels as though this is important to deal with. Maybe it’s these issues why I can’t move on & neither can he. Idk. We have both been so afraid of repeating our pasts... so we protect ourselves from each other? He is the only one I’ve been in love with since my ex & have been serious about.

Is he single or with someone else?

Single

If there are communication issues, he's not the one. You and him are already in the age when you both should've matured. I know the what could've been part will always be there but the reality is, if it hasn't worked for years, if the timing is never right, etc these are all signs that you should be letting go of the person. I really truly believe that if only we make room in our lives for someone better, then he/she will come. But hanging on to a person who is right in some parts but never really works out... Its just going to be a baggage u carry and u won't be able to open yourself to other better things.

Strong connection happens. Yes. I agree with that. But you know, a stronger connection can form with someone else if you let go of him. The lesson he teaches you is probably that you need the parts that are good about him but also you need the parts that he lacks and the one who has those is really the one for you. Try to look at it in a different perspective than you always have. It will help you, him and any other man that comes to your life in the future. X

click to expand

I know that’s the theory and I do agree. Apparently I haven’t been going about it in the right way though. Since that hasn’t happened yet. I realized the other day every time I see signs of him paying attention again, I run to find someone to protect me from him aka move on. Lol obviously that’s not working & it sounds so stupid logically. But those deep emotions are so hard to handle. That’s why I was thinking maybe I need to deal with this. The right way is the question. 🤦‍♀️ I actually reached out to him this time trying to change the pattern maybe .. change something. Something really needs to change here. Other than that I’m planning on some alone time.

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Do you believe in it? The path where the people you meet help you along the way.. lessons, the teachers in the form of friends, acquaintances, lovers, relationships. The lesson you never learn so therefore it never goes away. Or perhaps in the form of a person?

I’ve decided to deal with one of mine. I suppose that’s what this year has been about. Relieving the pressure, the fears. Apparently I can’t move on, until I’ve learned it. The last two years even. On the path to healthy, one must deal with those things that hold you back.

What are yours?

Exactly what I've been trying to say in your previous post about letting go.

Personal experience: it's true.

Of course this is dxp and it's hard to give out all the details. Nobody knows here how many men I have dated. How many times my heart got broken as well. Sometimes I dump them sometimes I get dumped lol but it was always for the same reason: they were non committal. And I always get the same type and I didn't know why.

I took a break because after several ones who were the same, I needed to think and understand what i was doing wrong. I've let go of them.i haven't let go of my ways. They weren't the problem. It was me all along. Because I have an idea in my head of what things are supposed to be. But it wasn't right for me at all. My break from relationships made me realise that. I changed the kind of guys I dated. I had a list of the important things like family orientated, no vices, has a tight relationship with his mum etc. The things I only used to find out once I was already into the guy. This time around I made sure I know the guy and he ticks the important boxes before I am into him. Lo and behold.. I found my husband. We are married for years now. With kids. And he not once made me feel the same feelings I felt before which was self doubt, pain, agony....

So yes. I agree that you have to learn your lesson for you to find your real path. It might surprise you.

Oh & I got what you said,but then my experience is different too. Obviously I have abandonment issues.. I’ve just been going through a lot off stuff since May. Which is good actually lol

Haha yeah. Why did u and the cap end it?

He kept running away. We scare the crap out of each other... both cap Venus and both are all prove you love me to each other. He promises big things and that freaks me out, and then he freaks out. I don’t think either of us was ready when we started dating. There has been growth in the back & forth this year. Because our communication style sucks. We are both cap mercury too.. plus Virgo moon vs aqua moon .. we both shut down. There is A very odd comfort & grounding feeling being with him, a lot of intimacy ( not sex but sex is great too) , chemistry and partnership and deep connection. Holy cow.. we are talking again. And talking about why it’s so hard. I guess that’s progress instead of him declaring his love and knowing we will be together one day but not dealing with the present... it feels as though this is important to deal with. Maybe it’s these issues why I can’t move on & neither can he. Idk. We have both been so afraid of repeating our pasts... so we protect ourselves from each other? He is the only one I’ve been in love with since my ex & have been serious about.

Is he single or with someone else?

Single

If there are communication issues, he's not the one. You and him are already in the age when you both should've matured. I know the what could've been part will always be there but the reality is, if it hasn't worked for years, if the timing is never right, etc these are all signs that you should be letting go of the person. I really truly believe that if only we make room in our lives for someone better, then he/she will come. But hanging on to a person who is right in some parts but never really works out... Its just going to be a baggage u carry and u won't be able to open yourself to other better things.

Strong connection happens. Yes. I agree with that. But you know, a stronger connection can form with someone else if you let go of him. The lesson he teaches you is probably that you need the parts that are good about him but also you need the parts that he lacks and the one who has those is really the one for you. Try to look at it in a different perspective than you always have. It will help you, him and any other man that comes to your life in the future. X

I know that’s the theory and I do agree. Apparently I haven’t been going about it in the right way though. Since that hasn’t happened yet. I realized the other day every time I see signs of him paying attention again, I run to find someone to protect me from him aka move on. Lol obviously that’s not working & it sounds so stupid logically. But those deep emotions are so hard to handle. That’s why I was thinking maybe I need to deal with this. The right way is the question. 🤦‍♀️ I actually reached out to him this time trying to change the pattern maybe .. change something. Something really needs to change here. Other than that I’m planning on some alone time.

Alone time helps. Honestly, it's like a detox 😂 never easy but it's necessary. Plus, how often can you actually say you did stuff by yourself and healed? I traveled alone, learned a new sport, studied again, got a different job...all while I was alone and just rediscovering myself. By the time my husband came in my life, I was a new person. I wasn't looking for a strong man who can control me because he can. I was instead looking for a go getter because he wants me. I confused the two before, for so long. I also wasnt looking for a man who is already successful and has money. I realised I wanna be part of his success and rally behind him because it makes me feel like I mean something and I helping someone. I realised I don't need a rich man because I'd love to create wealth with who I'm with and go through the struggles together. And it worked out well. I'm sure it will for you too. U just gotta let go of the person and your old ways but keep believing one day the good things will happen, unexpectedly.

click to expand

I know. I’ve done all that. It’s been almost 8 years since I left my ex. It’s been a big transition. About 4 years later I met the Cap.

I’m just frustrated at this point. And living in an area not very good for what I’m looking for. I want a partner, you know be a team to rule the world together lol. There is only one person I can say that’s worked with and he’s not available. I could’ve chosen him instead of my ex & I guess I should’ve. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone like that. One could hope anyway.